Story: "Hide and Seek" Part 43
Nov. 18th, 2013 12:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," and "No Winter Lasts Forever."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Virginia "Pepper" Potts.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Inferences of past child abuse, mind control, and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: Bucky has a bad day when his memory won't boot up quite right. This makes other people stressed out too. Attempts to help are partially successful, but then the team dynamics go severely pear-shaped.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Vulgar language. Flangst. Hurt/Comfort. Fear of loss. Friendship. Confusion. Memory loss. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Self-harm. Tony!whump. Tony Stark has a heart. Tony doesn't like being handed things. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Games. Trust issues. Consent. Safety and security. Artificial intelligence. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Communication. Personal growth. Cooking. Americana. Family of choice. Feels. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38, Part 39, Part 40, Part 41, Part 42. Skip to Part 45, Part 46, Part 47, Part 48.
"Hide and Seek" Part 43
"It wasn't all bad," Steve said, nostalgia warming his voice. "We didn't have much, but we made do. Bucky and I had each other. He always took care of me, even when I sassed him. I looked up to him so much -- I still do. The older we got, the more we tried to help out with the younger kids too. It wasn't the same as a regular family but we did right by each other."
"What about the adults in charge of the orphanage?" Phil asked. He hoped that encouraging Steve to relive happy memories would give him strength and help him think of solutions to current problems.
"I miss the nuns. They were strict, and there never was much money, but they raised us as best they could," Steve said. "They knew I was sickly, so they kept an extra lookout for me. The older nuns would tell the new ones, 'Keep him out of the drafts and close to the heat. And make sure no one is getting picked on too much, or Steve will put his face in front of someone's fist. If you see paper, bring it to him.' It was ... it was enough. I got by until I found a way to become a hero."
"You were always a hero," Phil said. He could well imagine a tiny, wheezing, pre-serum Steve making a target of himself to protect someone even more vulnerable. No wonder he had turned protective of the other Avengers -- especially Bruce and Tony -- once he got to know them. "It was just a matter of getting you the body to match your heart."
Steve's smile turned watery, as it often did when he remembered Dr. Erskine. "I just wanted to do my part."
"Of course, Steve," said Phil. "Thank you for sharing. I'll talk with Bucky again. I really think this will help."
"I hope so," Steve said. "I'm worried about him and Tony. They really shredded each other. I haven't known Tony to lay into anyone like that since before we started game night. Honestly, it's the worst I've seen since the Helicarrier when we first met."
"They're working it out," Phil said. "None of us realized how much it took out of Tony when he spent the morning taking care of Bucky. Tony tried to warn me that he was running on fumes, and I did what I could to take the weight off him. It just wasn't enough. I don't think even he understood how far he'd pushed himself or how bad the results could get."
"Yeah, that's what scares me. It's harder to avoid problems if you can't see them coming," Steve said.
"That's a key reason why Tony misbehaves so often, and why he pesters people in other ways," Phil said. "He's testing us to see how we'll behave when things go wrong. It's the emotional equivalent of shoving on a safety rail. He needs to test the boundary to know that it's there, that it will hold his weight and not give way. He craves the sense of security. Most people don't stand up to him like he needs them to."
"I try," Steve said. "It's hard sometimes."
"Yes, it is. Tony's worried about how you treated Bruce, too. It's not like you to be so cruel," said Phil.
"I know," Steve said. He frowned. "I've apologized to Bruce. I feel really bad about hurting him. I don't know what came over me, though. Bucky woke me up when he started jabbering in Russian. I was worried and frustrated and -- and I thought Bruce would be able to fix it, but then he couldn't." Steve waved his hands helplessly in the air.
"We all feel powerless sometimes," Phil said. "I don't always deal with it particularly well myself."
"Still, I should never have taken it out on Bruce like that. I just couldn't seem to find my manners that morning. Maybe I should ask him to include me in some of that yoga stuff he's doing with Bucky for temper management," Steve said.
"That might help, yes," said Phil. "Good coping skills never go to waste. Bruce put me back together after I came unglued when I found out what happened to JARVIS."
"It's nice to have a family again," Steve said. He leaned over, just enough to brush against Phil's shoulder. Phil could feel the solid heat of him right through the thin workout clothes.
"Yes, it is," Phil said. He patted the other man's knee. "You know, Steve, most of the team doesn't have your experience with positive family ties. You might try talking with Tony and JARVIS some time, to help them understand that it's okay to make mistakes and people who love you will stick by you no matter what."
"Sure, I can do that," Steve said. "Tony's great, just a little shortchanged when it comes to people stuff. JARVIS is ... really swell, he's one of the things I love most about the future."
"I'm sure JARVIS will enjoy hearing that," Phil said. "He may also be wrestling with some body image issues, fitting his idea of himself into the tower and Iron Man, not to mention all the modifications Tony has done because of us. It's challenging for JARVIS to get used to having so many people around who know him for who he is."
"I know it's hard on him. I'd like to make it better but I don't know how," Steve said. He looked around the room, tracing the gym and how it had changed to accommodate the team.
"You've helped Bucky start facing the loss of his arm and the hazards of the replacement. You know what it's like to change your body, how disorienting that can be. JARVIS might find it useful to have someone to talk with about that," Phil said.
"Bruce knows more about shifting form than I do," Steve pointed out.
"Bruce is barely dealing with his own issues there. I don't think he's ready to help someone else in that area yet," Phil said.
Steve grimaced, "Okay, you got me there. Poor Bruce -- and poor Hulk too! -- I wish I could make it easier for them."
"Just having friends is helping," Phil said. "Anyway, think about giving JARVIS a hand if you see an opportunity."
"I will," Steve said.
"Thank you." Phil patted him on the shoulder. "All right, go hit the frame or whatever you really came down here to do. I'm going to shower and head back to my room."
* * *
Notes:
Nostalgia is a bittersweet focus on the past that people often call up when something goes wrong in the present. It's a useful coping skill for finding happiness.
peoriapeoriawhereart contributed some of the ways that people tried to take care of Steve while he was growing up.
Making do is a necessary adaptive skill for dealing with limited resources. It can help with food, clothes, and other things. Steve grew up with the "Eat it all, use it up, wear it out" mindset of the Depression. However, constant shortage can wear people down physically and mentally.
What makes a hero is a popular topic. It spans small and large acts, along with distinctive traits such as self-sacrifice. Here's a lesson plan for studying heroism. There are tips for how to be a hero, and even a hero handbook.
Caregiver burnout can happen to people who look after someone else without looking after themselves too. It usually follows a timeline and develops in chronic form, but it has an acute mode too. In Tony's case, nurturing is not his strong suit; he stepped up anyway at need, but ran out of energy very fast. Understand how to help a caregiver so they don't crash and burn.
Testing people produces knowledge of their nature, but can sabotage relationships. Children need to test boundaries. There are ways to set boundaries gently yet firmly.
People often feel helpless when a situation gets out of control. Steve usually responds by helping someone else -- but when that's exactly what he can't do, sometimes he jams up. There are multiple ways of overcoming helplessness.
Loyalty is a crucial family value. By crucial, I mean without it you don't have much of a family (Exhibit A: Odin's A+ Parenting.) Loyalty is one of the things that distinguishes genuine love from false affection, and one of the reasons why family should always come first. Making loyalty a part of your family culture takes time and work, as does resolving loyalty conflicts. Understand how to be loyal.
Body image is how you see yourself. You can change it if you need to. Accepting change is an important life skill, and there are tips for acceptance.
[To be continued in Part 44 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Virginia "Pepper" Potts.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Inferences of past child abuse, mind control, and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: Bucky has a bad day when his memory won't boot up quite right. This makes other people stressed out too. Attempts to help are partially successful, but then the team dynamics go severely pear-shaped.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Vulgar language. Flangst. Hurt/Comfort. Fear of loss. Friendship. Confusion. Memory loss. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Self-harm. Tony!whump. Tony Stark has a heart. Tony doesn't like being handed things. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Games. Trust issues. Consent. Safety and security. Artificial intelligence. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Communication. Personal growth. Cooking. Americana. Family of choice. Feels. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38, Part 39, Part 40, Part 41, Part 42. Skip to Part 45, Part 46, Part 47, Part 48.
"Hide and Seek" Part 43
"It wasn't all bad," Steve said, nostalgia warming his voice. "We didn't have much, but we made do. Bucky and I had each other. He always took care of me, even when I sassed him. I looked up to him so much -- I still do. The older we got, the more we tried to help out with the younger kids too. It wasn't the same as a regular family but we did right by each other."
"What about the adults in charge of the orphanage?" Phil asked. He hoped that encouraging Steve to relive happy memories would give him strength and help him think of solutions to current problems.
"I miss the nuns. They were strict, and there never was much money, but they raised us as best they could," Steve said. "They knew I was sickly, so they kept an extra lookout for me. The older nuns would tell the new ones, 'Keep him out of the drafts and close to the heat. And make sure no one is getting picked on too much, or Steve will put his face in front of someone's fist. If you see paper, bring it to him.' It was ... it was enough. I got by until I found a way to become a hero."
"You were always a hero," Phil said. He could well imagine a tiny, wheezing, pre-serum Steve making a target of himself to protect someone even more vulnerable. No wonder he had turned protective of the other Avengers -- especially Bruce and Tony -- once he got to know them. "It was just a matter of getting you the body to match your heart."
Steve's smile turned watery, as it often did when he remembered Dr. Erskine. "I just wanted to do my part."
"Of course, Steve," said Phil. "Thank you for sharing. I'll talk with Bucky again. I really think this will help."
"I hope so," Steve said. "I'm worried about him and Tony. They really shredded each other. I haven't known Tony to lay into anyone like that since before we started game night. Honestly, it's the worst I've seen since the Helicarrier when we first met."
"They're working it out," Phil said. "None of us realized how much it took out of Tony when he spent the morning taking care of Bucky. Tony tried to warn me that he was running on fumes, and I did what I could to take the weight off him. It just wasn't enough. I don't think even he understood how far he'd pushed himself or how bad the results could get."
"Yeah, that's what scares me. It's harder to avoid problems if you can't see them coming," Steve said.
"That's a key reason why Tony misbehaves so often, and why he pesters people in other ways," Phil said. "He's testing us to see how we'll behave when things go wrong. It's the emotional equivalent of shoving on a safety rail. He needs to test the boundary to know that it's there, that it will hold his weight and not give way. He craves the sense of security. Most people don't stand up to him like he needs them to."
"I try," Steve said. "It's hard sometimes."
"Yes, it is. Tony's worried about how you treated Bruce, too. It's not like you to be so cruel," said Phil.
"I know," Steve said. He frowned. "I've apologized to Bruce. I feel really bad about hurting him. I don't know what came over me, though. Bucky woke me up when he started jabbering in Russian. I was worried and frustrated and -- and I thought Bruce would be able to fix it, but then he couldn't." Steve waved his hands helplessly in the air.
"We all feel powerless sometimes," Phil said. "I don't always deal with it particularly well myself."
"Still, I should never have taken it out on Bruce like that. I just couldn't seem to find my manners that morning. Maybe I should ask him to include me in some of that yoga stuff he's doing with Bucky for temper management," Steve said.
"That might help, yes," said Phil. "Good coping skills never go to waste. Bruce put me back together after I came unglued when I found out what happened to JARVIS."
"It's nice to have a family again," Steve said. He leaned over, just enough to brush against Phil's shoulder. Phil could feel the solid heat of him right through the thin workout clothes.
"Yes, it is," Phil said. He patted the other man's knee. "You know, Steve, most of the team doesn't have your experience with positive family ties. You might try talking with Tony and JARVIS some time, to help them understand that it's okay to make mistakes and people who love you will stick by you no matter what."
"Sure, I can do that," Steve said. "Tony's great, just a little shortchanged when it comes to people stuff. JARVIS is ... really swell, he's one of the things I love most about the future."
"I'm sure JARVIS will enjoy hearing that," Phil said. "He may also be wrestling with some body image issues, fitting his idea of himself into the tower and Iron Man, not to mention all the modifications Tony has done because of us. It's challenging for JARVIS to get used to having so many people around who know him for who he is."
"I know it's hard on him. I'd like to make it better but I don't know how," Steve said. He looked around the room, tracing the gym and how it had changed to accommodate the team.
"You've helped Bucky start facing the loss of his arm and the hazards of the replacement. You know what it's like to change your body, how disorienting that can be. JARVIS might find it useful to have someone to talk with about that," Phil said.
"Bruce knows more about shifting form than I do," Steve pointed out.
"Bruce is barely dealing with his own issues there. I don't think he's ready to help someone else in that area yet," Phil said.
Steve grimaced, "Okay, you got me there. Poor Bruce -- and poor Hulk too! -- I wish I could make it easier for them."
"Just having friends is helping," Phil said. "Anyway, think about giving JARVIS a hand if you see an opportunity."
"I will," Steve said.
"Thank you." Phil patted him on the shoulder. "All right, go hit the frame or whatever you really came down here to do. I'm going to shower and head back to my room."
* * *
Notes:
Nostalgia is a bittersweet focus on the past that people often call up when something goes wrong in the present. It's a useful coping skill for finding happiness.
peoriapeoriawhereart contributed some of the ways that people tried to take care of Steve while he was growing up. Making do is a necessary adaptive skill for dealing with limited resources. It can help with food, clothes, and other things. Steve grew up with the "Eat it all, use it up, wear it out" mindset of the Depression. However, constant shortage can wear people down physically and mentally.
What makes a hero is a popular topic. It spans small and large acts, along with distinctive traits such as self-sacrifice. Here's a lesson plan for studying heroism. There are tips for how to be a hero, and even a hero handbook.
Caregiver burnout can happen to people who look after someone else without looking after themselves too. It usually follows a timeline and develops in chronic form, but it has an acute mode too. In Tony's case, nurturing is not his strong suit; he stepped up anyway at need, but ran out of energy very fast. Understand how to help a caregiver so they don't crash and burn.
Testing people produces knowledge of their nature, but can sabotage relationships. Children need to test boundaries. There are ways to set boundaries gently yet firmly.
People often feel helpless when a situation gets out of control. Steve usually responds by helping someone else -- but when that's exactly what he can't do, sometimes he jams up. There are multiple ways of overcoming helplessness.
Loyalty is a crucial family value. By crucial, I mean without it you don't have much of a family (Exhibit A: Odin's A+ Parenting.) Loyalty is one of the things that distinguishes genuine love from false affection, and one of the reasons why family should always come first. Making loyalty a part of your family culture takes time and work, as does resolving loyalty conflicts. Understand how to be loyal.
Body image is how you see yourself. You can change it if you need to. Accepting change is an important life skill, and there are tips for acceptance.
[To be continued in Part 44 ...]
Re: Well...
Date: 2013-11-25 02:10 pm (UTC)I'd think they'd have to switch down with some of the others at an older age than their normal.
And yes, Odin's skillz.
Re: Well...
Date: 2013-11-26 03:04 am (UTC)Like any children, they'd go through a developmental pattern. It's just that they have some enhanced abilities (like Thor's strength) and some extra abilities (like Loki's magic). Thor probably would've shown his elemental affinity long before he got Mjolnir, and may have had a hard time controlling it. And Loki would have problems from being raised the wrong species.
>> I'd think they'd have to switch down with some of the others at an older age than their normal. <<
I'm not sure how the ages will work out yet, although I suspect that Thor and Loki will wind up somewhere in the middle.
>> And yes, Odin's skillz. <<
0_o