The Wordsmith's Forge

Child abuse is 40 times more likely when single parents find new partners.

Children living in homes with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological parents.

FUUUUUUCK. O_O

Obviously, doing something that raises your child's risk of maltreatment or death is abusive.  But it is not reasonable to order adults to refrain from leaving bad relationships or to abstain from sex/romance after leaving.  I also don't think it's going to be very effective just expecting people to ignore a very potent if subliminal evolutionary drive -- it's quite common for animals to injure or kill unrelated offspring.  If that would work, we wouldn't be seeing these astronomical increases.  

I think the best solution is to build better relationships in the first place.  That is, return to serious courtship.  If you want to screw around, that's fine, but don't make babies while doing it.  First find a partner, then get married and make a home, then have kids.  Today, people often do it backwards.  That's not a great way to make a life, and apparently it's a great deal more dangerous to the kids than expected, beyond the usual heartbreak, upheaval, financial wreckage, and lost fault tolerance.  If people put in the effort to make solid relationships first, that would greatly reduce the number of kids living with unrelated adults, and thus lower the risks.

Dancing is a bonding activity that makes people feel good and enhances connections.

Most cultures have their own dances, although the importance of dancing varies from one culture to another.  Modern America values it very little.  We used to have lots of dances at all kinds of social occasions, and almost everybody danced themselves instead of sitting around watching other people  dance.  What little we have left is not structured and cohesive dancing; most of it is individual freestyle club dancing.  This shift correlates with people being less fit and feeling less connected today -- really not a good change.  >_<

So watch for opportunities to dance.  If you coordinate events, look for a way to incorporate dancing.  It doesn't have to be fancy, just frisky.  It helps to include a basic lesson in whatever dance you offer so that novices can join the fun.  Pay attention to local culture and feature dances that match your audience.  Ballroom dance, African folk dance, European folk dance, Latin dance, belly dance, break dance, hoop dance, etc. will all appeal to different folks.

We went out to Lake Charleston today so I could hide a couple of the rocks I painted.  (Those are Spring and Take Up Space). Wow, the place has improved!  When I was little, it was boring -- nothing but the lake, a warning sign not to kill yourself playing on the dam (with names of people who died on it), and some crappy gravel-and-mud parking places on the slopes.  But over the last several years, it's been improving. 

Several years ago, they paved the path over the levee so now it's a wide mixed-use path; we saw a roller-blader and a girl with a scooter on it, quite a lot of people really when we used to see only one or two others.  There's a storytelling circle there too.  No more wading through knee-deep grass and chiggers!  A while back they scraped all the greenery off some of the slopes to kill invasives and are now trying to redo it with native plants, so it's starting to come back.  New in the last year or two: more benches and chairs, lots of freshly planted tree saplings of various species, new cut trails, a pavilion with a small playground, and they're currently putting in whole new parking pads of poured concrete that are actually level.  Of particular interest to me is that some of the trails are flat or nearly so, while others are up and down the steep upland-forest hills, which offers something for all levels of ability.  They even cut one over to another park to connect the two.  \o/  I also spotted at least two butterfly gardens in progress.  I really want to go back and explore the new trails before the weather gets too hot, and then go back when flowers will be blooming to investigate the gardens.

Let's see if I can do the 10 things trick:

1) People watching now there are actually plenty of people going there.
2) Wildlife watching on the lake.
3) Fishing.
4) Waterfowl hunting.
5) Picnic in the pavilion.
6) Play in the playground.
7) Study the butterflies in the flower garden.
8) Hiking.
9) Biking, rollerblading, or other wheeled activities.
10) Boating.
11) Photography.
12) Look up any of the organizations sponsoring the improvements.

I forgot my camera this time, but will try to bring it next time so I can photograph things to point out why this is becoming such a cool park.

I wondered where the hell they got the money for all this, because it sure isn't from the state or the feds, the lousy deadbeats.  Well, the butterfly garden sign had 4-5 sponsors on it including a butterfly initiative and Pheasants Forever.  The general improvements had a sign up for some Charleston group.  The pavilion had a sign but I couldn't read that one, so it might be the same or different.  I get the impression that I'm not the only person who's looked at modern politics and said, "Fine, fuck it, I'll do it MYSELF!"  Because what used to be just a lake with a loop trail and crappy parking is now turning into a very Terramagne-esque park.  :D

This study indicates that just wearing a police uniform increases bias.  I am reminded of the Stanford Prison Experiment which showed just how fast and badly things can go wrong when you assign valued and nonvalued social roles to a bunch of equals.  The "guards" became so brutal toward the "prisoners" that the experiment had to be canceled before it was even half done.

It's very interesting that a police uniform can change people's perceptions.  I think, however, that the nature  of that change relies on people's concept of what the uniform symbolizes.  If society thinks of police as glorified slavecatchers, there to beat down the disobedient, you'll get a bias toward markers associated with disobedience.  But what if your society views police more like Fix-It Felix than Wreck-It Ralph?  Look at "Bring Out the Best" where Lawrence is trying to figure out heroism by following Stan.  I suspect that if you put a police uniform on most T-American folks, they would alert to little problems that could be fixed before growing into big problems, because that's how most people see police in that society.

This poem was written outside the regular prompt calls, inspired by a message from siliconshaman. It also fills the "make new friends" square in my 2-1-19 Platonic card for the Valentines Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by Anthony & Shirley Barrette. It belongs to the Officer Pink thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.

Warning: This poem contains minor symptoms of past trauma. It is mostly fluff.

( Read more... )

dialecticdreamer is hosting "Feathering the Nest" today, with a focus on nonsexual intimacies. Leave prompts, get ficlets! Boosting the signal earns you more words.

This is the point in the essay where I invite readers to sponsor stories, and use a bonus story as an incentive: if I earn $65 in tip/donations, I’ll post “Becoming ‘Ohana,” in four parts for easy reading, all at once. It’s the story of Mariset and Jules’ early friendship becoming a solid bond of ‘ohana between the adults as well as the pair of eight-year-olds.

This is a post for aces, singles, and other folks who need a refuge from all the kissy stuff today.  You can talk about the asexuality spectrum, single lifestyle, nonsexual intimacies, or whatever else floats your boat.  Recommend resources on these topics, favorite stories or movies, share the platonic love!

If you want to explore some of my writing on this topic, try browsing:
My QUILTBAG Characters
Sexual Orientations in My Characters
Romantic Orientations in My Characters

Asexuality in Fiction
Asexuals Writing Asexuals

These series have asexual characters and/or minimal sex/romance:
An Army of One
Clay of Life
Kung Fu Robots
The Origami Mage
Path of the Paladins
Polychrome Heroics: Dr. Infanta
Polychrome Heroics: Shiv

These series have characters who are unmarried, with or without interest in relationships:
Fiorenza the Wisewoman
P.I.E.
Polychrome Heroics: Calliope
Polychrome Heroics: Cassandra
Polychrome Heroics: Danso and Family
The Steamsmith
Tripping into the Future

A friend tipped me to this excellent discussion about gossip in Judaism, when it is or is not permissible and why.  While gentiles are not bound by Jewish law as Jews are, it remains a very useful set of guidelines, and following them -- even if you cherrypick your favorites -- would prevent a lot of headaches.

Voting is now open for the 2019 Rose & Bay Awards.  Thank you for nominating projects and patrons.  Please go vote for your favorites now.  Review the nomination posts for more information about the nominees if you need it.

Art: ysabetwordsmith Nominate art! Vote for art!
Fiction: ysabetwordsmith Nominate fiction! Vote for fiction!
Poetry: ysabetwordsmith Nominate poetry! Vote for poetry!
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In today's fragmented world, people can improve it by reaching out to each other. Here are some ideas for building community in your neighborhood.

Be respectful of your neighbors. Don’t be that guy. Clean up after your dog and keep him leashed when out walking. Be aware of any disturbing noise levels that you are creating. Maintain your property and respect property boundaries.