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ysabetwordsmithWHAT MAKES A HOME FEEL SAFE FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE?
Autistic children and adults often lack access to spaces that make them feel safe, or allow them to decompress and be themselves without interference or unwelcome scrutiny. Sometimes a lack of safe spaces is no one’s fault, as when living quarters have limited size or privacy. But too often, autistic safety, comfort, and ease are not considered due to a lack of autism understanding, or rejected outright due to insistence on complying with non-autistic lifestyle approaches.
While ideally all non-autistic people and professionals would understand what makes spaces feel safe for autistic people, the baseline should be that autistic people have at least one space to retreat to: their homes. We talked to autistic people from a variety of backgrounds—including autistic parents of autistic and neurodivergent kids—about strategies for making homes feel safe for the autistic people who live in them.
I'll expand this to neurovariant people in general and add:
* You know your body / mind better than anyone else. You have a right to your perceptions and feelings just as much as everyone else does. You have to work with the body / mind you have, not the one you or someone else may wish you had. People who care about you should respect you when you say what works or doesn't work for you. A solution to challenges may or may not be possible, but at least they can listen and do their best to acknowledge your reality.
* People who genuinely love you will want you to be safe, happy, and healthy. They will try to balance everyone's needs and tastes as much as possible. People who always put you on the bottom and demand that you please them are not good friends or family and are hurting you. Being "normal" doesn't entitle people to get their own way all the time. Other neurotypes have needs and rights too.
* You have a right to freedom of association. You don't have to be around people if you don't want to. It's okay if you prefer being alone. You also have a right to congenial company if you want it, though not to a captive audience. It's okay if you prefer unoccupied, solitary, spectator, parallel, or associate play to cooperative play. After all, neurotypical people spend zillions of dollars on spectator sports and consider that "normal."
* You have a right to feel safe and comfortable in a place where you can relax without other people staring at you and demanding things of you. All organisms need safety and privacy because otherwise they tend to die of stress. Any zookeeper can tell you this.
* For most people, "your space" will be your bedroom. However, it might also be a playroom, office, garden, or some other area. If you're lucky, you might have more than one for different needs. When space is tight, it might not be a whole room. A cozy reading corner can work wonders. Do what you can with what you have.
* In your own space(s), you should be free to choose what kinds of things you want there -- the style of bed, material of sheets, fidgets, toys, tools, furniture, etc. -- to the extent possible given budget and architecture parameters.
* You need to be able to explore a wide variety of materials, objects, etc. to learn what you like and what you need to avoid. Sometimes tastes can be oddly specific and that's okay. There might be 20 textures of stress ball or pillow or plush that are "okay" and one that is "this makes my hands feel so good." You will not know this unless you are able to explore many things and free to skip ones you don't like.
* You should be able to arrange your space(s) to suit your needs and tastes, allowing for other safety standards like "don't block the fire escape." If other people don't like it, they don't have to go there. Especially in tight quarters, it helps to have one or more closed spaces such as a closet, cabinet, box, etc. that nobody else opens. You can organize groups of your things however you with -- by date, color, alphabet, or whatever else works for you.
* If you're not sure what would feel safe for you, then:
-- Talk with other neurovariant folks. They might have ideas that would work for you too.
-- Read the A-Z list of accommodations for various disabilities and think whether any of them might help.
-- Read about accommodations for animals. Most humans have a monkey brain but not everyone does; if you think and feel more like some other type of animal, then what helps them feel calm might help you too.
Autistic children and adults often lack access to spaces that make them feel safe, or allow them to decompress and be themselves without interference or unwelcome scrutiny. Sometimes a lack of safe spaces is no one’s fault, as when living quarters have limited size or privacy. But too often, autistic safety, comfort, and ease are not considered due to a lack of autism understanding, or rejected outright due to insistence on complying with non-autistic lifestyle approaches.
While ideally all non-autistic people and professionals would understand what makes spaces feel safe for autistic people, the baseline should be that autistic people have at least one space to retreat to: their homes. We talked to autistic people from a variety of backgrounds—including autistic parents of autistic and neurodivergent kids—about strategies for making homes feel safe for the autistic people who live in them.
I'll expand this to neurovariant people in general and add:
* You know your body / mind better than anyone else. You have a right to your perceptions and feelings just as much as everyone else does. You have to work with the body / mind you have, not the one you or someone else may wish you had. People who care about you should respect you when you say what works or doesn't work for you. A solution to challenges may or may not be possible, but at least they can listen and do their best to acknowledge your reality.
* People who genuinely love you will want you to be safe, happy, and healthy. They will try to balance everyone's needs and tastes as much as possible. People who always put you on the bottom and demand that you please them are not good friends or family and are hurting you. Being "normal" doesn't entitle people to get their own way all the time. Other neurotypes have needs and rights too.
* You have a right to freedom of association. You don't have to be around people if you don't want to. It's okay if you prefer being alone. You also have a right to congenial company if you want it, though not to a captive audience. It's okay if you prefer unoccupied, solitary, spectator, parallel, or associate play to cooperative play. After all, neurotypical people spend zillions of dollars on spectator sports and consider that "normal."
* You have a right to feel safe and comfortable in a place where you can relax without other people staring at you and demanding things of you. All organisms need safety and privacy because otherwise they tend to die of stress. Any zookeeper can tell you this.
* For most people, "your space" will be your bedroom. However, it might also be a playroom, office, garden, or some other area. If you're lucky, you might have more than one for different needs. When space is tight, it might not be a whole room. A cozy reading corner can work wonders. Do what you can with what you have.
* In your own space(s), you should be free to choose what kinds of things you want there -- the style of bed, material of sheets, fidgets, toys, tools, furniture, etc. -- to the extent possible given budget and architecture parameters.
* You need to be able to explore a wide variety of materials, objects, etc. to learn what you like and what you need to avoid. Sometimes tastes can be oddly specific and that's okay. There might be 20 textures of stress ball or pillow or plush that are "okay" and one that is "this makes my hands feel so good." You will not know this unless you are able to explore many things and free to skip ones you don't like.
* You should be able to arrange your space(s) to suit your needs and tastes, allowing for other safety standards like "don't block the fire escape." If other people don't like it, they don't have to go there. Especially in tight quarters, it helps to have one or more closed spaces such as a closet, cabinet, box, etc. that nobody else opens. You can organize groups of your things however you with -- by date, color, alphabet, or whatever else works for you.
* If you're not sure what would feel safe for you, then:
-- Talk with other neurovariant folks. They might have ideas that would work for you too.
-- Read the A-Z list of accommodations for various disabilities and think whether any of them might help.
-- Read about accommodations for animals. Most humans have a monkey brain but not everyone does; if you think and feel more like some other type of animal, then what helps them feel calm might help you too.
