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ysabetwordsmithThis story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk," and "kintsukuroi."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Nick Fury
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Minor character death. Bullying. Fighting. Suicide attempt (minor character).
Summary: This is the story of how a little boy named Flip grows up to save the world a lot.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Accidents. Emotional whump. Disability. Sibling relationship. Nonsexual love. Parentification. Manipulation. Coping skills. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Protection. Caregiving. Competence. Toys and games. Comic books. Fixing things. Martial arts. Gentleness. Trust. Role models. Military. BAMF Phil Coulson.
Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35.
"Little and Broken, but Still Good" Part 10
Counseling is everything that Flip fears, and yet ... not. Mr. Harmon takes the time to get to know Flip before opening the first can of worms. "It's okay to talk about anything, or nothing," Mr. Harmon assures him. "If you have questions, I'll help you search for answers. If you just want me to sit here and listen, I can do that too. If what you need is a place to sit quietly and think, that's also fine. We can work on whatever you feel is important."
Flip doesn't know what to make of that, but he does know how to make small talk. So they start out by discussing school and sports. Just ordinary stuff. Flip learns that Mr. Harmon likes ferrets instead of cats or dogs, and he names the trees in his back yard. It's amazing, the funny stuff people do, and what they'll reveal if you're a good listener. They actually share a couple of interests -- comic books and the cartoon movies that Flip likes to watch with his family.
Then one afternoon they're discussing Captain America's choice of equipment and why he prefers a shield to a gun -- with Mr. Harmon claiming that a shield represents nonviolence and protection while Flip insists that it's more versatile because it can do defense or offense -- when Mr. Harmon idly asks how Flip got into comics in the first place.
"It was my sister's idea," Flip said without thinking. "When I learned the alphabet, Alexa gave me one of her Disney duck comics. She said if I was learning to read, I should have something worth reading. After that, she always gave me some new comics for every birthday and holiday, but then --"
The accident.
All those months when Alexa couldn't talk, or dress herself, or do much of anything.
The horrible Christmas that basically WASN'T because nobody had the time or energy or money to bother with presents.
Flip's voice turns into a lump in his throat, choking him into silence. It feels like the time he accidentally swallowed a jawbreaker whole.
"Your sister sounds like someone very important in your life," Mr. Harmon said. "I've only heard you mention her a few times, though. I'd like to hear more about her, if you feel like sharing."
Flip has never felt less like sharing. He shakes his head.
Mr. Harmon waits patiently for a few minutes. Then he says, "Would you like to hear about how I got interested in comics?"
Flip nods, grateful for the chance to change the subject.
"One Saturday morning, my grandmother took me to a flea market. I'd spent most of Friday raking leaves, and I had a shiny new fifty-cent piece just about burning a hole in my pocket ..."
Flip doesn't talk about his sister anymore that session, or the next. But the week after that, one of the bullies at school sprays ink on Alexa's new yellow dress, so Flip loses his temper and punches the jerk in the face. Flip gets sent home again with a bloody nose and a really mad note from the teacher. When Mr. Harmon asks him how his week has gone, Flip just yells at him for ten minutes straight.
That's how Phil learns that you don't have to make people tell you anything. You just have to make a space for them to spew into.
After Flip finishes yelling and sits in his chair panting with helpless anger, Mr. Harmon quietly summarizes what he had said, then asks if Flip would like to explore what he could do next. Flip just shrugs. Mr. Harmon takes this as his cue and brings out some worksheets that talk about bullies and anger and something called coping skills.
Flip is intrigued to see both cooking and physical exercise on that last page. He knows that sometimes, those lift his mood when he feels low. Maybe there's something else in there that he could try.
Absorb what is useful.
Flip reads the list and then tries out the worksheets. They discuss some options. The paper gives him something to do with his hands. The questions help him figure things out in his head. Flip is glad when the hour is up, though.
Talking about his feelings is hard. Sometimes it feels like throwing up. But sometimes, just like when he's sick, he feels better after he's done it.
* * *
Notes:
Counseling can help in many ways. Understand what makes it effective and how parents can support child therapy. Notice that Flip doesn't have a specific, internal problem; he's having trouble dealing with external challenges such as his father's death, his sister's handicap, and the subsequent bullying. What he needs most is a sympathetic ear and someone who can help him learn ways of coping with that stuff.
Small talk offers an effective way to build rapport. This link frames it in sexual terms, but gives an excellent description of levels of intimacy in relationships. Know how to make small talk.
Comics for kids include the Duck Universe and especially Ducktales.
It's important to make space for people to talk, especially if they are shy. Talking about feelings often makes people feel better, although it doesn't work for every person or situation. Emotional tools include emptying the emotional trash can, which helps to discard unwanted feelings.
Flip's first worksheets cover bullying, anger management, and coping skills.
[To be continued in Part 11 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Nick Fury
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Minor character death. Bullying. Fighting. Suicide attempt (minor character).
Summary: This is the story of how a little boy named Flip grows up to save the world a lot.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Accidents. Emotional whump. Disability. Sibling relationship. Nonsexual love. Parentification. Manipulation. Coping skills. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Protection. Caregiving. Competence. Toys and games. Comic books. Fixing things. Martial arts. Gentleness. Trust. Role models. Military. BAMF Phil Coulson.
Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35.
"Little and Broken, but Still Good" Part 10
Counseling is everything that Flip fears, and yet ... not. Mr. Harmon takes the time to get to know Flip before opening the first can of worms. "It's okay to talk about anything, or nothing," Mr. Harmon assures him. "If you have questions, I'll help you search for answers. If you just want me to sit here and listen, I can do that too. If what you need is a place to sit quietly and think, that's also fine. We can work on whatever you feel is important."
Flip doesn't know what to make of that, but he does know how to make small talk. So they start out by discussing school and sports. Just ordinary stuff. Flip learns that Mr. Harmon likes ferrets instead of cats or dogs, and he names the trees in his back yard. It's amazing, the funny stuff people do, and what they'll reveal if you're a good listener. They actually share a couple of interests -- comic books and the cartoon movies that Flip likes to watch with his family.
Then one afternoon they're discussing Captain America's choice of equipment and why he prefers a shield to a gun -- with Mr. Harmon claiming that a shield represents nonviolence and protection while Flip insists that it's more versatile because it can do defense or offense -- when Mr. Harmon idly asks how Flip got into comics in the first place.
"It was my sister's idea," Flip said without thinking. "When I learned the alphabet, Alexa gave me one of her Disney duck comics. She said if I was learning to read, I should have something worth reading. After that, she always gave me some new comics for every birthday and holiday, but then --"
The accident.
All those months when Alexa couldn't talk, or dress herself, or do much of anything.
The horrible Christmas that basically WASN'T because nobody had the time or energy or money to bother with presents.
Flip's voice turns into a lump in his throat, choking him into silence. It feels like the time he accidentally swallowed a jawbreaker whole.
"Your sister sounds like someone very important in your life," Mr. Harmon said. "I've only heard you mention her a few times, though. I'd like to hear more about her, if you feel like sharing."
Flip has never felt less like sharing. He shakes his head.
Mr. Harmon waits patiently for a few minutes. Then he says, "Would you like to hear about how I got interested in comics?"
Flip nods, grateful for the chance to change the subject.
"One Saturday morning, my grandmother took me to a flea market. I'd spent most of Friday raking leaves, and I had a shiny new fifty-cent piece just about burning a hole in my pocket ..."
Flip doesn't talk about his sister anymore that session, or the next. But the week after that, one of the bullies at school sprays ink on Alexa's new yellow dress, so Flip loses his temper and punches the jerk in the face. Flip gets sent home again with a bloody nose and a really mad note from the teacher. When Mr. Harmon asks him how his week has gone, Flip just yells at him for ten minutes straight.
That's how Phil learns that you don't have to make people tell you anything. You just have to make a space for them to spew into.
After Flip finishes yelling and sits in his chair panting with helpless anger, Mr. Harmon quietly summarizes what he had said, then asks if Flip would like to explore what he could do next. Flip just shrugs. Mr. Harmon takes this as his cue and brings out some worksheets that talk about bullies and anger and something called coping skills.
Flip is intrigued to see both cooking and physical exercise on that last page. He knows that sometimes, those lift his mood when he feels low. Maybe there's something else in there that he could try.
Absorb what is useful.
Flip reads the list and then tries out the worksheets. They discuss some options. The paper gives him something to do with his hands. The questions help him figure things out in his head. Flip is glad when the hour is up, though.
Talking about his feelings is hard. Sometimes it feels like throwing up. But sometimes, just like when he's sick, he feels better after he's done it.
* * *
Notes:
Counseling can help in many ways. Understand what makes it effective and how parents can support child therapy. Notice that Flip doesn't have a specific, internal problem; he's having trouble dealing with external challenges such as his father's death, his sister's handicap, and the subsequent bullying. What he needs most is a sympathetic ear and someone who can help him learn ways of coping with that stuff.
Small talk offers an effective way to build rapport. This link frames it in sexual terms, but gives an excellent description of levels of intimacy in relationships. Know how to make small talk.
Comics for kids include the Duck Universe and especially Ducktales.
It's important to make space for people to talk, especially if they are shy. Talking about feelings often makes people feel better, although it doesn't work for every person or situation. Emotional tools include emptying the emotional trash can, which helps to discard unwanted feelings.
Flip's first worksheets cover bullying, anger management, and coping skills.
[To be continued in Part 11 ...]
Another Gem
Date: 2014-06-20 06:15 am (UTC)Interesting, the parallels I could draw between his life and Clint's, or Natasha's, because one of the key differences in their lives is that those two did /not/ have the support they needed.
Thought-provoking post, thank you.
Probably, I'll come back with more details later.
Re: Another Gem
Date: 2014-06-20 06:52 am (UTC)Sooth. He offers a different kind of teaching -- and a unique example of how a man can be both nurturing and powerful, although it's just starting to show this early.
>> Interesting, the parallels I could draw between his life and Clint's, or Natasha's, because one of the key differences in their lives is that those two did /not/ have the support they needed. <<
Yes, exactly. Phil is among the most functional Avengers because he got help when he needed it. Steve and Bucky are, because they had each other to lean on. Betty does well because, although her childhood sucked, as soon as she had the chance later she got herself some good therapy and worked through that crap. Clint, Natasha, Bruce-and-Hulk, Tony -- they either didn't get any support, or it wasn't effective. So now they have a hard time reaching out when they need help.
>> Thought-provoking post, thank you. <<
You're welcome!
>> Probably, I'll come back with more details later. <<
I would enjoy that.
Timeline?
Date: 2014-06-20 01:08 pm (UTC)Having formerly worked in an American public school, I have a hard time seeing Flip get in extreme trouble for defending his sister. At my school, he would have gotten: "We understand your feelings, but we are required to hand out X consequences for fighting. Please remember to tell an adult in the future when you feel threatened or frightened."
The other kid would have gotten in much more trouble for picking on a child with special needs. Is Flip just not really concerned with what happened to the other kid, or is he the only one who got in trouble?
Sincerely,
Firstar28
Re: Timeline?
Date: 2014-06-20 02:12 pm (UTC)--Jessica
Re: Timeline?
Date: 2014-06-23 05:46 am (UTC)The really eerie thing is that my father was teaching gradeschool at that time, which suddenly leaves me thinking of Flip in the context of those kids.
Re: Timeline?
Date: 2014-06-23 05:54 am (UTC)As another reader mentioned, mid-1970s.
>> I'm having a bit of trouble placing it. Flip's mom's attitude toward therapy suggests a slightly modern setting, but the reaction of the school toward Flip and his bullying issues sounds more like an earlier time. Flip's mom could just have an enlightened view toward therapy. <<
Flip's mother is very astute, and in some ways ahead of her time. Schools vary in their response to student troubles. Most ignore bullying and frown on fighting.
>> Having formerly worked in an American public school, I have a hard time seeing Flip get in extreme trouble for defending his sister. At my school, he would have gotten: "We understand your feelings, but we are required to hand out X consequences for fighting. Please remember to tell an adult in the future when you feel threatened or frightened." <<
Then you found a good school. Both my parents were public school teachers until they retired, so I got to see inside the sausage factory. I never saw a public school handle bullying or fighting in a responsible way, observed from multiple angles. This disappoints me. Frequently the victims were revictimized by school staff. There are some schools now with excellent conflict resolution systems, but it's rarely taught because it gives students skills that are disadvantageous to people in power.
>> The other kid would have gotten in much more trouble for picking on a child with special needs. <<
... if the school cared about students with special needs, which many don't even now, and in the mid-70s would more likely have been, "See now, Mrs. Coulson, this is why your daughter needs to be in an institution where she'll be safe."
Probably followed by Mrs. Coulson ripping the principal's self-image out through his eardrums.
>> Is Flip just not really concerned with what happened to the other kid, or is he the only one who got in trouble? <<
He's nine. He's not really ready to put himself in other people's shoes without being prompted. My suspicion is that the bullies were good at manipulating adults, as they so often are, and made things look like Flip's fault on at least some of the occasions.
Re: Timeline?
Date: 2014-06-23 06:53 am (UTC)Re: Timeline?
Date: 2014-06-23 06:56 am (UTC)Yes.
>> I can also see why Flip's mom might have been preoccupied if she was fighting THAT battle. <<
That, dealing with her own feelings, being a single mother, trying to hold down a job -- it adds up.
>> Special education has come a long way since the 70's. <<
The high end of it has. Sadly it is still routine for families to be denied services which they are owed. Mostly the laws just mean that if you have the time, money, and energy to sue people for shorting you then you've got a decent chance of winning. But getting help without a battle? In most areas, dream on. I still hear horror stories from folks with special needs children.
Re: Timeline?
Date: 2014-06-23 07:19 am (UTC)If the child does not need testing accommodations, or is low enough to need a portfolio instead of standardized testing, then you have tons of problems, but overall, at least in my neck of the woods, the school would rather test and accommodate and hope for better test scores than ignore a child and have the average lowered. It's very sad that scores are now more important than children, but that is pretty much the educational world we live in now.
I've seen both sides of this story. Mom's wanting help for their child, but the child isn't "low" enough to qualify and is stuck struggling in the classroom. On the other hand, I have seen teacher and administrators fight tooth and nail to try and get a child help, and the parent just isn't interested or is even hostile toward the idea. I have also seen parents push to have a perfectly capable child labeled so that they can qualify for Social Security money. There are horror stories from every perspective.
Re: Timeline?
Date: 2014-06-25 01:50 am (UTC)That's one strategy, and some good schools use it.
Another strategy, which is extremely widespread, is to DRIVE AWAY marginal students. Because results are tracked only at the end of the line and not by cohort, this atrocious tactic is easily disguised and very popular among administrators.
>> at least in my neck of the woods, the school would rather test and accommodate and hope for better test scores than ignore a child and have the average lowered. <<
Then you're in a good place.
>> It's very sad that scores are now more important than children, but that is pretty much the educational world we live in now. <<
That's true. It's child abuse, and it's causing a lot of problems.
>> There are horror stories from every perspective. <<
Sadly so. Also you have to figure the cost-benefit of the time, money, and energy spent in hopes of getting a diagnosis, plus the damage that diagnosis will almost certainly do to the child's ability to get a college degree, job, housing, etc. against the potential gain in services.
Re: Timeline?
Date: 2014-08-05 08:42 pm (UTC)*this*
though the schools and administrators would never admit it.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-20 01:47 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2014-06-23 05:55 am (UTC)Sometimes you get lucky and find a therapist who can actually help.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-20 09:41 pm (UTC)(Not capable of more words right now.)
Thank you!
Date: 2014-06-25 01:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-22 05:51 am (UTC)Is this meant to say "Flip", or was that deliberate, to show that it's one of the lessons that starts to really set in stone the person he's going to become?
Yes...
Date: 2014-06-22 06:45 am (UTC)