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ysabetwordsmithThis story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk," and "kintsukuroi."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Nick Fury
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Minor character death. Bullying. Fighting. Suicide attempt (minor character).
Summary: This is the story of how a little boy named Flip grows up to save the world a lot.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Accidents. Emotional whump. Disability. Sibling relationship. Nonsexual love. Parentification. Manipulation. Coping skills. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Protection. Caregiving. Competence. Toys and games. Comic books. Fixing things. Martial arts. Gentleness. Trust. Role models. Military. BAMF Phil Coulson.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5. Skip to Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11.
"Little and Broken, but Still Good" Part 6
Nine starts out awful, because when Flip is nine, Alexa goes back to school and Mom goes back to work. It's hard because Alexa was nine when the accident happened, and now Flip is the same age that she was. Mom was right; Alexa is more like a little sister now. So Flip no longer has anyone to protect him from the bullies at school. They make fun of him for being short and smart and nerdy. Flip can deal with that. When they pick on his sister, though, that's different.
The first time Flip gets in a fight, it's just a small one. His mother is furious anyway. The school calls her to pick him up in the middle of the day. She hates having to leave work, because every time that happens, they might not let her come back.
"Philip J. Coulson, I am so disappointed in you, I don't know what to say." Her knuckles are white where she grips the steering wheel. "I have enough to deal with just keeping your sister on track. I cannot deal with more trouble from you."
"I'm sorry, Mom, but they --"
"I don't want to hear it. Go to your room." The car door slams.
Flip gets out. He goes to his room without another word. Mom is so angry. She never hits him, but she gives him the silent treatment for the rest of the day. Sometimes Flip feels that with Mom paying so much attention to Alexa, he might as well not even be there. That hurts even worse. His chest feels like one big ache squeezing around his heart.
He bites his nails, nibbling on one and then another. His left pinky snags and the fingernail tears back to the quick, blood seeping from the corner. Flip gets out a box of band-aids and covers that fingertip so he'll remember not to bite it again.
Flip lies on his bed and stares at the wall. A tall poster of Captain America hangs across from the bed. Flip wonders what Cap what would do in his shoes. He knows that Cap doesn't like bullies. But Cap fights because he has to, not because he wants to.
Maybe getting into fights at school isn't okay. Flip doesn't want to make trouble for his mother, but he can't let people keep picking on his sister. She can't stick up for herself the way he can. Flip sighs. He just doesn't know what to do.
And his chest still hurts, full of tears that can't seem to find their way out.
* * *
Notes:
Returning to school after traumatic brain injury is difficult, but there are ways to help.
Bullying can cause fights and other problems. In this video, kids talk about bullying. Know how to deal with being bullied and help someone else who is bullied.
Parents make mistakes sometimes, both in talking to kids and applying discipline. When this happens, parents should apologize. Phil's mom is so exhausted that she isn't making great decisions here.
The silent treatment is a form of temporary ostracism which can work well with casual acquaintances but tends to wreak havoc in close relationships. It is especially harmful to children and hearing-dominant people like Flip. This is not the same as a cooling-off period. Understand how to cool off when you're angry and how to confront someone giving you the silent treatment.
Adultification can rob kids of their childhood, including the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them. Here you can also see glimpses of dysfunctional family roles, with Flip's mother pushing him to be the "hero" and always be good no matter what.
Kids misbehave for many reasons, including a lack of fully developed problem-solving skills. Parents can support children by using positive discipline to teach them better, and help them cope with stress. The silent treatment does not help because it punishes instead of teaching; children need guidance. Without it, they tend to do exactly what Flip does in this scene: flounder.
Nail-biting can be a form of incidental self-harm, not done for purposeful injury but just a stress reaction that goes too far. You can stop biting your nails. Know how to cope with strong emotions or help children deal with theirs.
Children encounter ethical dilemmas earlier than adults may realize, and they need adult input. Parents can teach ethics and values by using stories and other imaginary scenarios to prompt discussions.
[To be continued in Part 7 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Nick Fury
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Minor character death. Bullying. Fighting. Suicide attempt (minor character).
Summary: This is the story of how a little boy named Flip grows up to save the world a lot.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Accidents. Emotional whump. Disability. Sibling relationship. Nonsexual love. Parentification. Manipulation. Coping skills. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Protection. Caregiving. Competence. Toys and games. Comic books. Fixing things. Martial arts. Gentleness. Trust. Role models. Military. BAMF Phil Coulson.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5. Skip to Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11.
"Little and Broken, but Still Good" Part 6
Nine starts out awful, because when Flip is nine, Alexa goes back to school and Mom goes back to work. It's hard because Alexa was nine when the accident happened, and now Flip is the same age that she was. Mom was right; Alexa is more like a little sister now. So Flip no longer has anyone to protect him from the bullies at school. They make fun of him for being short and smart and nerdy. Flip can deal with that. When they pick on his sister, though, that's different.
The first time Flip gets in a fight, it's just a small one. His mother is furious anyway. The school calls her to pick him up in the middle of the day. She hates having to leave work, because every time that happens, they might not let her come back.
"Philip J. Coulson, I am so disappointed in you, I don't know what to say." Her knuckles are white where she grips the steering wheel. "I have enough to deal with just keeping your sister on track. I cannot deal with more trouble from you."
"I'm sorry, Mom, but they --"
"I don't want to hear it. Go to your room." The car door slams.
Flip gets out. He goes to his room without another word. Mom is so angry. She never hits him, but she gives him the silent treatment for the rest of the day. Sometimes Flip feels that with Mom paying so much attention to Alexa, he might as well not even be there. That hurts even worse. His chest feels like one big ache squeezing around his heart.
He bites his nails, nibbling on one and then another. His left pinky snags and the fingernail tears back to the quick, blood seeping from the corner. Flip gets out a box of band-aids and covers that fingertip so he'll remember not to bite it again.
Flip lies on his bed and stares at the wall. A tall poster of Captain America hangs across from the bed. Flip wonders what Cap what would do in his shoes. He knows that Cap doesn't like bullies. But Cap fights because he has to, not because he wants to.
Maybe getting into fights at school isn't okay. Flip doesn't want to make trouble for his mother, but he can't let people keep picking on his sister. She can't stick up for herself the way he can. Flip sighs. He just doesn't know what to do.
And his chest still hurts, full of tears that can't seem to find their way out.
* * *
Notes:
Returning to school after traumatic brain injury is difficult, but there are ways to help.
Bullying can cause fights and other problems. In this video, kids talk about bullying. Know how to deal with being bullied and help someone else who is bullied.
Parents make mistakes sometimes, both in talking to kids and applying discipline. When this happens, parents should apologize. Phil's mom is so exhausted that she isn't making great decisions here.
The silent treatment is a form of temporary ostracism which can work well with casual acquaintances but tends to wreak havoc in close relationships. It is especially harmful to children and hearing-dominant people like Flip. This is not the same as a cooling-off period. Understand how to cool off when you're angry and how to confront someone giving you the silent treatment.
Adultification can rob kids of their childhood, including the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them. Here you can also see glimpses of dysfunctional family roles, with Flip's mother pushing him to be the "hero" and always be good no matter what.
Kids misbehave for many reasons, including a lack of fully developed problem-solving skills. Parents can support children by using positive discipline to teach them better, and help them cope with stress. The silent treatment does not help because it punishes instead of teaching; children need guidance. Without it, they tend to do exactly what Flip does in this scene: flounder.
Nail-biting can be a form of incidental self-harm, not done for purposeful injury but just a stress reaction that goes too far. You can stop biting your nails. Know how to cope with strong emotions or help children deal with theirs.
Children encounter ethical dilemmas earlier than adults may realize, and they need adult input. Parents can teach ethics and values by using stories and other imaginary scenarios to prompt discussions.
[To be continued in Part 7 ...]
(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-11 07:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-11 07:41 am (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2014-06-11 07:48 am (UTC)How awful! The bullying forms a running thread through the middle of this story, as Flip tries different ways of addressing it.
>> I also have a nail-biting problem. <<
That one only comes up in a couple places.
>> This chapter really hits home for me. <<
Thanks. I hope it's okay and not too stressful for you.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-06-11 11:24 pm (UTC)I'm not in a good place, right now. If I was having a better time in RL, I could, but not right now.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-06-12 01:29 am (UTC)If you need something sweeter to read, a majority of Hart's Farm is feelgood fluff.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-06-12 03:01 am (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-06-12 03:36 am (UTC)Poor Flip!
Date: 2014-06-11 01:05 pm (UTC)Sincerely,
Firstar28
Re: Poor Flip!
Date: 2014-06-24 09:59 pm (UTC)*hugs*
>> When I was his age, I hated it when adults didn't stop to ask me what was going on in my head when I got in trouble. I usually had the best of intentions, but things didn't always turn out the way I wanted them too. <<
Everyone makes mistakes, and kids have less experience so they make more. They need help figuring out why things went wrong and how to do better next time. Discipline teaches; punishment doesn't.
>> It was awful when people got mad without asking why, or worse, told me why I did something. Even if they were completely wrong I tended to believe them... because they were adults. <<
Saying things like, "You sound cranky. I think you're hungry. Let's see if eating something will help you feel less cranky," is useful for teaching kids about their emotions. But attributing wrong motives can be really destructive.
Me, I just concluded that adults who did that were stupid or unobservant. They were always saying things that were demonstrably false. So I quit paying attention to those people, and it drove them nuts. But I'm social teflon and that's a rare thing.
>> I hope Flip's mom figures things out soon. <<
Yes, she does. Most of the time she's a great parent. She's just running on fumes these days.
OUCH
Date: 2014-06-11 01:53 pm (UTC)Even his mother's "silent treatment" isn't /meant/ to be hurtful, more like misunderstanding where to put the end of the cooling off period. She's otherwise very capable, so this /feels/ like an anomaly.
Phil doesn't need to be sent to his room. He /needs/ a long talk and cuddles and maybe cocoa, not to be shut in his room with his own thoughts circling uselessly.
That's well written. Thank you for posting it... I'm going to be thinking over the details for a while.
Re: OUCH
Date: 2014-06-13 05:23 am (UTC)I'm glad it worked for you!
>> Even his mother's "silent treatment" isn't /meant/ to be hurtful, more like misunderstanding where to put the end of the cooling off period. She's otherwise very capable, so this /feels/ like an anomaly. <<
It is an anomaly. She was just out of spoons from dealing with the everyday challenges of single motherhood and raising a handicapped daughter, so was completely blindsided by Flip -- who is usually the good kid -- being part of the problem. Most of the time she'd cool off and then discuss things, but it was all she could do not to yell or hit.
It's very different when people use the silent treatment deliberately to hurt people. That's devastating in a whole new way.
>> Phil doesn't need to be sent to his room. He /needs/ a long talk and cuddles and maybe cocoa, not to be shut in his room with his own thoughts circling uselessly. <<
Absolutely. This problem is not getting solved without discussion and some new tools.
>> That's well written. Thank you for posting it... I'm going to be thinking over the details for a while. <<
That's good to hear, thanks.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-11 10:02 pm (UTC)Wasn't really expecting the bullying thread to surface, but of course it would.
I had pretty awful bullying problems too, and the parental silent treatment. This one hits hard.
*hugs*
Date: 2014-06-13 05:19 am (UTC)Wasn't really expecting the bullying thread to surface, but of course it would. <<
It's a pretty strong part of this story, spread over some time.
>> I had pretty awful bullying problems too, and the parental silent treatment. This one hits hard. <<
:( I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you'll feel better about the story as Flip works through these issues. The new post just went up so you can read that to see how his mom deals with bullying/fighting on a day when she actually has the spoons to do it right.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-12 06:04 am (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2014-06-13 05:47 am (UTC)Thank you!
>> i have been abused and raped amd bullied badly. <<
I'm sorry to hear that.
>> I get a lot out of the notes and its easier to heal with your stories and explain to my friends <<
It's good that you've found something which helps.
Path of the Paladins is another series where I deal with trauma and recovery. You might like that one too.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-06-17 08:05 am (UTC)I always hate it when people do that, especially to helpless children dependent on them.
Well...
Date: 2014-06-20 06:07 am (UTC)That's exactly why this went so far wrong. Flip's mom is used to him being the "little man" that he put up as a front after the accident. He's quiet and affable by nature, so it was easy for her to rely on that and forget that he's still a child. She was completely blindsided by him getting into this kind of trouble, and she did not have the resources to deal with it very well at the time. She was digging spoons out of bedrock just to not scream or hit him.
The really sad part is that bruises would've healed a lot faster than locking a traumatized hearing-dominant child in his room for hours on end. Phil never really got over that.
>> I always hate it when people do that, especially to helpless children dependent on them. <<
Agreed. But even loving parents don't always have the resources to get things right.