Story: "No Winter Lasts Forever" (Part 73)

[ysabetwordsmith]

This story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," and "Birthday Girl."

Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Nick Fury.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mind control. Inferences of past child abuse and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: A mission in Russia introduces the Avengers to the Winter Soldier. Steve wants Bucky back and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Everyone else helps however they can.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. BAMF!Avengers. Bucky!whump. Vulgar language. Drama. Rescue. Hurt/Comfort. Emotional whump. Survivor guilt. Friendship. Confusion. Mind control. Memory loss. Slow recovery. Nick Fury makes stupid-ass decisions. Fear of loss. Arc reactor. Fluff. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Tony Stark has a heart. Games. Trust issues. Safety and security. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Obadiah Stane's A+ parenting. Brian Banner's A+ parenting. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Sleep issues. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Personal growth. Family of choice. ALL THE FEELS. #coulsonlives. Competency.

Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38, Part 39, Part 40, Part 41, Part 42, Part 43, Part 44, Part 45, Part 46, Part 47, Part 48, Part 49, Part 50, Part 51, Part 52, Part 53, Part 54, Part 55, Part 56, Part 57, Part 58, Part 59, Part 60, Part 61, Part 62, Part 63, Part 64, Part 65, Part 66, Part 67, Part 68, Part 69, Part 70, Part 71, Part 72. Skip to Part 75, Part 76.


"No Winter Lasts Forever" Part 73


Phil was delighted to see Bucky's protective instincts responding to Bruce, who could use all the defenders he could get. Maybe that would help Bruce feel more safe. He certainly seemed content to curl up on top of the two super-soldiers, and that was telling, considering Bruce's massive pile of unpleasant experiences with the soldiers. Those had complicated his early interactions with Natasha in particular, along with some others. It had taken time for him to overcome his skittishness during game night. Yet now Bruce seemed willing to connect with Bucky, however shyly.

That's progress, all by itself, Phil thought.

Phil checked the rest of the room. Clint and Natka still sat together, whispering. Betty was watching Tony. He sat perfectly still, quiet, giving Bucky the space that he had once given Betty on her first game night. That concerned Phil, a little, because Tony needed the opportunity to horse around in safe space. Putting too much pressure on himself to behave was counterproductive. Nor was anyone making a move to get things started.

"Bucky, it's your first game night. What would you like to do?" Phil prompted, trying again to coax things into motion.

"I wouldn't know where to start," he said with a shrug. "Stevie? You've done this before."

Stevie simply cuddled closer to Bucky and said, "Whatever you want."

Phil sighed. Steve and Tony most often initiated activities. Phil didn't want to push Tony too hard given his ambivalence about Bucky. Stevie clearly needed to bask in the luxury of not being responsible for anything. Pressuring him would undermine the whole point of game night.

Instead, Phil picked up a previous idea he'd been meaning to pursue. "Bruce? You've shown us a few nifty things. Is there something you could show Bucky to get the ball rolling here?"

Bruce uncurled onto his hands and knees like a pillbug opening up to explore. "We did fingerpainting at school once?" he said tentatively as he crept toward Phil. "It was fun?"

Yes! Phil thought. He had suspected there was something behind Bruce's earlier off-handed remark. He now felt glad that he'd acquired the supplies, and read articles on both childplay and art therapy, just in case. This ought to be entertaining, and perhaps enlightening.

"What's fingerpainting?" Stevie asked.

"You make pictures with your hands instead of brushes. I have the necessary materials," Phil said. "All right, who's done this before?"

Bruce and Betty were the only ones who raised their hands. Phil regretted this additional sign of how much his team had missed, but after all, game night was about making up for lost opportunities.

"Well, Bruce and Betty can give us some good hints." Phil said. At least Stevie looked intrigued by the idea of an artistic activity.

Clint jigged and bobbed around Phil. "What colors do we have? Is there purple? I want purple!" he said.

"Red!" chirped Tony.

Natka and Stevie both nodded at that. "And blue," Stevie added.

"Fingerpaints come in four colors," said Bruce. He counted them on his fingers. "Red, yellow, blue, green."

"Red and blue make purple," Betty chimed in, trying to cheer up a wilting Clint.

"Actually, I bought a deluxe package," Uncle Phil said. "We have red, orange, yellow, green, turquoise, blue, violet, black, brown, and white."

"Ooo," said Bruce. Clint perked back up too.

"Let's move this into the kitchen where we've got a smooth floor," Phil said. He herded his "little ones" through the door and spread out old newspapers on the kitchen floor. Thinking ahead, he also pulled out a roll of garbage bags to use as smocks in hopes of minimizing the amount of paint that wound up on people's pajamas.

Phil poured fingerpaints into small bowls so that everyone could have a set of whichever colors they wanted. He also put out towels and dishes of water for rinsing. He helped the youngest members roll up their sleeves. Then he passed around the sheets of glossy paper.

"This is huge," Stevie said in an awed tone, "and it's really slick." He rubbed his fingers along the 16" x 22" paper.

"Wet the paper first," Bruce said. He demonstrated by dipping his hands in water and then swiping across the surface. "Makes it slicker." Everyone followed suit. "Then pick a color and put it on."

"Fingerpaints mix really well," Betty added as she arranged her bowls. "Remember to clean your hands between colors if you want to keep them different."

Stevie made a happy, wordless noise and dove into the project. He reached for the blue paint -- and then paused, rubbing it between his fingers, utterly enchanted by the texture. He dabbled it in one corner of the page. Bruce leaned over to show him a few different strokes.

Tony and Clint likewise pounced on the paints, yellow and purple respectively. Bucky stroked colors across his page in broad arcs. Natka poured a dollop of red on hers and swirled the very tip of her finger through it.

Stevie was methodically testing every color, one at a time, in a careful set of lines along the top of his paper. Phil frowned a little, trying to figure out whether he was shifting age or simply had an unusual approach to art supplies.

Bucky laughed. "Yes, he's always done that," he said, guessing the angle of Phil's thoughts. "First time I brought home crayons, Stevie did exactly the same thing, made a bunch of lines instead of drawing something. Just let him fool around, he'll make pictures later."

Stevie crouched over the paper, now tracing long lines to see how the paint behaved. He smudged the yellow over the blue, watching how they smeared into streaks of green.

"Tony? Can I use both hands?" Bucky asked, waggling his left with its skin glove over metal.

Oops, I didn't think of that, Phil realized. He still wasn't used to accommodating all of Bucky's special needs.

Tony picked up the nearest container of paint and read the label. "Yep, it's safe and it'll wash right off," he said.

Bucky dabbed his left hand in blue and his right hand in red, sweeping them across the page. "It feels different," he said. Then he beamed at Phil. "This is ... really swell."

* * *

Notes:

People are born with protective instincts, some more than others. Mothers, human and animal alike, are famed for defending their young. So are fathers; protection factors high in some interpretations of manhood. All of the Avengers display this to some degree; Hulk, Steve, and Bucky show it the most.

Killing another person can do strange things to people, especially soldiers; sometimes it makes them more aware of life's value, but sometimes they just quit caring about it or even enjoy it. People harmed by soldiers may thus develop a fear of soldiers in general. Bruce's reaction falls somewhere between ordinary fear and phobia. It's intense, and it causes some challenges; but it doesn't cripple his whole life and it's only somewhat exaggerated beyond what has or is likely to happen. Fear is a natural response to danger, which sometimes gets out of hand to become phobia. If not addressed, a fear can develop into a phobia. There are strategies for coping with fear, pushing through it, and releasing fears. This wasn't a big deal before, but now that there are soldiers in Bruce's current teamfamily, it's becoming more of an issue.

Associations in psychology may be positive or negative, linking an object or experience with an emotion. At first, Bruce had strong negative associations with soldiers, because they hunted and hurt him a lot. He usually couldn't identify individuals beyond General Ross, mostly just people in uniform attacking him, hence the overgeneralization. These associations form intricate shapes as they interact. Overcoming negative associations poses a challenge. When Bruce found himself in a team with soldiers, he had to deal with that; it made him skittish. That contributed to him hiding on game nights. It's possible to turn negative thoughts to positive thoughts. Creative visualization can help. There are steps to create positive associations and to form new habits. Bruce did manage to reach out to Steve, because Steve was obviously a good person, and at least tolerate the others. So that made game night a positive association with soldiers.

Tony has all kinds of issues with self-control. Usually he has very little of it, but sometimes he has too much, which causes a whole different set of problems as it turns into self-denial. Self-control can become a barrier, and relinquishing some power may help relieve that. So Tony has come to rely on Phil to help him find a balance between uncontrolled and overcontrolled behavior. Overcontrol can also indicate vulnerability. You can see where Tony's parents left him with some rigid rules -- and the gaps of wildness where he's managed to break them. This also impacts spending habits; people may spend more on luxuries to avoid feeling that they missed out, or neglect real needs. He'll buy extravagant stuff and forget to eat.

Through ageplay, Tony has finally found a way to control his inner control freak. Because he wields so much power in his everyday life, he has a deep need to surrender that and to submit to someone else. For Tony, submission is less about service than it is about not being in charge and letting someone take care of him. He's desperate to please, but it has a bit different flavor than for most submissives. Tony craves the power exchange to let himself off the hook. Until Phil, nobody was able to accept what Tony needed to give away for a while. It's not sexual, but it's very intense. In this chapter, you can see that Steve sometimes has a similar need to let go. He and Bucky are both bifocal with power, most comfortable in the middle of a chain of command, which is part of why they switch roles with each other depending on current needs.

Relinquishing control can manifest as deference (which may be positive) or passivity (which tends to be negative). There is a balance between action and reaction, projection and reception, initiative and responsiveness. Too far in either direction causes problems. There are tips to overcome passivity. Note that Bruce tends to be passive most of the time, probably more than is good for him, unless something activates his teaching or medical modes. For Steve, it's an occasional desire to let go of choices and responsibility. Bucky is more likely to go passive when he doesn't know what to do, and "Don't just do something, stand there" is a good rule under those circumstances.

Motivation involves a drive to do things, whether internal or external. There are tips for getting started with something and ways to get people to do what you want. Tactile clues can have a surprising influence on motivating people's feelings and actions. Science suggests methods of getting people to do the right thing. Phil knows a lot about motivating people.

Icebreakers can help small groups begin interacting or revitalize stalled energy. There are many icebreaking activities, some of which double as party games.  Understand the do's and don'ts of using icebreakers.  Avoid negative experiences with careful planning.  Choose icebreakers with a purpose, not at random, although some of them do double as party games.  This is the kind of stuff Phil would've tried next if Bruce hadn't responded to his prompt, although art is a kind of icebreaker. The teamfamily had been interacting fluently on game nights. Adding Betty didn't cause much disturbance, but Bucky created a much stronger shift in dynamics that changed things enough for the previous interactions to "freeze up" and require help to get people moving again.

Art therapy offers many benefits in helping people work through emotions, particularly for children. It has complex healing effects. In particular, it taps into the unconscious mind and links the left and right brains, allowing people to express what they can't put into words and may not even remember consciously. Creativity also relieves stress. Specific tools and techniques suit different people or conditions. There are basic tips for doing art therapy yourself and exercises to try at home. Watch a video on art therapy for healing grief and loss. What the Avengers are doing is a very informal and expressive activity, but Phil has done his homework in case unexpectedly intense emotions come pouring out, which is always a possibility when you mix paint with damaged people.

Uncle Phil got a large set of fingerpaints, ideal for people with pretty good motor skills. Bruce remembers the basic set that most toddlers use. You can also buy single colors or even make your own fingerpaint. There is even a pack of 24 colors, but remember, fingerpaint isn't meant for finesse and getting too fussy with it can spoil the fun. Glossy paper is needed for fingerpaint.

Fingerpainting is a popular activity, primarily for children but also for adults. There are basic instructions and helpful tips for fingerpainting.

Adult fingerpainting uses various techniques. Famous artists include Judith Braun of New York, Paolo Troilo of Italy, and Chuck Close.

Understand that not everyone may enjoy fingerpainting.  Always respect boundaries and don't force people to touch fingerpaint or other sensory materials if they don't feel comfortable doing so.  Children need messy play for healthy development and sensory integration, but it needs to be safe.  Tactile-defensive children may prefer to start with fingerpaint inside a plastic bag.

It's important to accommodate special needs in early childhood and grade school. Resources for parents describe types of accommodations and those for teachers explain more about classroom techniques. Some guides focus on how to accommodate the most common handicaps. There are adaptive sports and physical education techniques too. Employers have guidelines for accommodating disabled employees. In Bucky's case, he needs to think about how his synthetic skin might react differently to substances than his natural skin does. It takes practice to learn what kinds of issues and solutions there are, especially with a new disability in the group. As Phil just discovered, even a fully compensated disability may have extra concerns due to the adaptive equipment. You're never going to think of everything; just be prepared to address matters on the fly as needed. There are general tips for disability etiquette.


[To be continued in Part 74 ... ]

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Reading the links about icebreaker activities made me cringe. I've been forced to do them dozens of times--pretty much every year of school upon moving up to a higher grade (and sometimes when we got substitutes or went on field trips), five times over two days at my college orientation weekend, and on and on. They often seem poorly thought through: if there are bullies in the class (and there always are) then forcing students to state one "surprising" thing about themselves isn't exactly going to make everyone more comfortable! If this is a group of people that may never see each other again and are going to spend the rest of the time slot being spoken to rather than doing a group-based activity, why spend twenty minutes introducing ourselves to each other in some supposedly-interesting game? As you might have noticed, the aspect that I always hate the most is being forced to disclose personal information to people that I have no reason to trust (or often every reason not to trust).

It was genuinely jarring for me to think of these sorts of activities in terms of a group like our Avengers Family and realize that there actually is, somewhere, a place where these kinds of things are appropriate and useful.

Hmm...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Reading the links about icebreaker activities made me cringe. <<

Well, that's definitely not the effect I was going for. :( Sorry about that.

Was it the whole concept (which I can't fix), my description (which I can modify), or the links themselves (I might find better ones)?

>> I've been forced to do them dozens of times <<

I've done icebreakers a number of times. If they're too onerous, I sit out. People have learned the hard way that it's not safe to force me to participate, because I'll take it out on them -- and I can slash through bonds faster than they can build. (I know, most people don't work that way, but this is me.)

Conversely I've used icebreakers myself, sometimes just as party games; they can work really well, or fall flat, or blow up. As with any technique, it helps to know what you're doing and be able to choose ones that fit the current group.

>> They often seem poorly thought through: <<

I agree. I'm adding linkage for proper selection and use of icebreakers.

>> if there are bullies in the class (and there always are) <<

That's true with a random group once it gets big enough. It's not necessarily true of small groups, or handpicked ones if people are selected for civility. It's important to allow the option of excluding people who can't behave decently.

>> then forcing students to state one "surprising" thing about themselves isn't exactly going to make everyone more comfortable! <<

"Don't ask people for personal information" is one of the tips I found in the how-to lists.

>> If this is a group of people that may never see each other again and are going to spend the rest of the time slot being spoken to rather than doing a group-based activity, why spend twenty minutes introducing ourselves to each other in some supposedly-interesting game? <<

"Make the activity relevant" is another tip I found. If the goal is to get people to know each other, introductions make sense. If the goal is to teach them about a subject, topical activities would work better.

>> As you might have noticed, the aspect that I always hate the most is being forced to disclose personal information to people that I have no reason to trust (or often every reason not to trust). <<

That's a common dislike. Another is touching. These are mistakes based on trying to move people past social barriers too far, too fast. (Actually, think about the problems that Tony and Bucky have because they urgently needed to make a fast, deep connection.)

The point to icebreakers is to invite people to interact with each other and the topic. Activities that instead make people defend their boundaries are counterproductive -- once that happens, they're unlikely to engage with the topical material either.

>> It was genuinely jarring for me to think of these sorts of activities in terms of a group like our Avengers Family and realize that there actually is, somewhere, a place where these kinds of things are appropriate and useful.<<

Sorry about that.

But yeah, some of their party and game night activities have come from icebreaker lists. Catch the Dragon's Tail occasionally appears among physical icebreakers, but it's primarily a cooperative game. The Avengers played a card-on-back game too, but it was based on personal knowledge rather than personal information and carefully tailored to each individual. It's possible to do more when you know the people involved than working with a random group of strangers.

I've linked a lot of stuff about building trust and establishing safe space in other chapters. You have to start at the outside and move inward gradually as people demonstrate that they are trustworthy -- or remove those who fail, or try to resolve the problems before proceeding. If the environment isn't safe, icebreakers are ineffective or actively harmful. Since game night is safe space, people know that if anything goes wrong, everyone will stop and address the issue instead of just trampling each other. That allows them to take more risks, and honestly, for these people just trying to connect with another human being is a perilous challenge.

Re: Hmm...

[(Anonymous)]

I think your modifications to the descriptions are helpful, definitely.

There seems to be some odd kind of feeling among... I suppose I could call them "event organizers" or something? that if you've got yourself a group of people the first thing you must do is an Icebreaker Activity so everyone will feel more comfortable... As if you can pick any icebreaker out of a book and it will act as a magic spell that makes everyone relax, without thought to the needs of the group. In a lot of cases I think it's a side effect of placing someone in charge of a large group of people without enough training in being charge of groups. This is probably a region where you can quickly learn just enough to royally fuck things up.

On the other hand, I'm not sure why so many of my teachers in school thought pressuring students to share personal information with the entire class was a good idea. It was nearly universal, and these are people who have had years of training in dealing with children. Did they not notice, year after year, that they were making their students profoundly uncomfortable? Or did they think that a few seconds of discomfort was the worst that would happen and some later benefit would outweigh it?

These are mistakes based on trying to move people past social barriers too far, too fast. (Actually, think about the problems that Tony and Bucky have because they urgently needed to make a fast, deep connection.)
A lot of people (many of them, but not all of them, extroverts) don't seem to have a good grasp on the idea that you can't just, say, HULK SMASH the barrier and now it's never going to be a problem again! (Extra funny because at least in this fic-universe, the Hulk is probably the last person I can imagine having that particular misconception.) Much less that there's a difference between a social barrier which eventually, in an ideal world, should be done away with, and a personal boundary, which is a good and healthy thing that should be left alone.

Re: Hmm...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I think your modifications to the descriptions are helpful, definitely. <<

Yay! Thanks for letting me know that this worked.

>> There seems to be some odd kind of feeling among... I suppose I could call them "event organizers" or something? <<

Yes, that's a recognized term, although there are different types. Frex, I'm comfortable leading panels at a science fiction convention or running a sabbat gathering for Pagans. The skills I use for herding cats under those circumstances are not necessarily what would work for organizing a business convention of executives, and vice versa.

All event organizers do need the abilities to make and keep a schedule, understand what their audience will enjoy and find useful, then guide people through the experience. Sadly, most are lacking in one or more areas. I've seen team efforts work really well, if you have members with all the necessary skills, though.

>> that if you've got yourself a group of people the first thing you must do is an Icebreaker Activity so everyone will feel more comfortable... <<

That technique is often taught in leadership courses. However ...

>> As if you can pick any icebreaker out of a book and it will act as a magic spell that makes everyone relax, without thought to the needs of the group. <<

... people are rarely taught why this needs to be done or how it works. They're only told what to do. Consequently it's often done wrong, in which case it tends to do more harm than good. And then they can't troubleshoot, because they don't actually know what they're doing, they're just following a list of things they were told would work.

>> In a lot of cases I think it's a side effect of placing someone in charge of a large group of people without enough training in being charge of groups. This is probably a region where you can quickly learn just enough to royally fuck things up. <<

Agreed. But in order for this to work well, you need to know:
* the purpose of the gathering
* a general idea of the audience at minimum, and preferably details about the individuals
* quite a lot about human psychology regarding layers of intimacy, violation and defense, openness and trust, and healthy boundaries
* how to create safe space
* communication and linguistics, including how to entice people into wanting to do things, not forcing them
* cooperation and teamwork techniques and skills, not just dumping people into groups and telling them to work together.

A lot of that is information that mainstream society wants people NOT to know, because it makes them object to some of the common abuses. Happily there are handbooks from other subcultures, but those rarely get into the hands of event organizers.

>> On the other hand, I'm not sure why so many of my teachers in school thought pressuring students to share personal information with the entire class was a good idea. <<

Because the teachers are trained to dominate children, not to engage with them. The dominant party in a relationship is considered to have a right to violate the boundaries of the lower-ranked party. That's exactly how many teachers behave, and frankly, some of them get off on it. You can tell who those are because they go apeshit if anyone says "no." They can't tolerate "no." It breaks their expectation of right-of-way, all the more so if named as such. There are good teachers who want to educate and interact with children, but fewer all the time, because that's not what the system wants or supports.

If children's boundaries are violated early and often, most will lose track of where they were and just think it's normal to have people reach into your head and rummage around for whatever the fuck they want. They're trained to be submissive and obedient. Many never lose the habit. The rest turn feral as teenagers, which is a whole different problem. And then people wonder why the dropout rate runs so high.

>> It was nearly universal, and these are people who have had years of training in dealing with children. Did they not notice, year after year, that they were making their students profoundly uncomfortable? Or did they think that a few seconds of discomfort was the worst that would happen and some later benefit would outweigh it? <<

Some of them don't notice; there are plenty of people who are body-blind. Some notice but consider children's discomfort irrelevant or even a normal part of the learning process, either not realizing or not caring that the same barriers which resist personal intrusion also resist information. Some actively enjoy it, as mentioned above. But much of the time, teachers don't think of this stuff, because they're focused on the class content. Their job is to make a presentation, and that's what they do.

In an optimum class of 10, you can read body language and take an extra couple minutes to say, "Hey, if this isn't working for folks, we can do something else." In a class of 20-25 like I grew up with, that doesn't work so well, and it's downright impossible with modern counts of 30-40. You're lucky to get through the damn lesson without a fight breaking out, let alone accomplish anything of use.

It comes down to what and how people are taught as educators. They're usually missing a lot of important information, or have been given wrong information, or are stuck in a system that prevents or penalizes more nuanced interactions.

>> A lot of people (many of them, but not all of them, extroverts) don't seem to have a good grasp on the idea that you can't just, say, HULK SMASH the barrier and now it's never going to be a problem again! <<

Precisely. Because what you have then is a relationship in which one person can freely violate someone else's integrity. That's not a great basis for cooperation, although it's a widely popular model. Even if the victim can't fight back directly, they still have all the traditional slave resistance methods of playing dumb, doing as little work as possible, ruining tools and supplies, mentally dissociating from the experience, physically running away, etc.

>> (Extra funny because at least in this fic-universe, the Hulk is probably the last person I can imagine having that particular misconception.) <<

That's because Hulk has a high emotional intelligence. As he gets more experience interacting with people, he becomes pretty careful of boundaries most of the time, because he hates it when people disrespect his. *chuckle* But reality tunnels are different, those preconceptions and prejudices that define most people's lives. Stupid reality tunnel, HULK SMASH. I really want to get that one on camera sometime.

>> Much less that there's a difference between a social barrier which eventually, in an ideal world, should be done away with, and a personal boundary, which is a good and healthy thing that should be left alone. <<

Also true. There are barriers that people want to cross and boundaries that they do not want to cross. Sometimes people are shy and need help to mingle. Sometimes they are withdrawn because they aren't ready or willing to mingle, and dragging them will get someone(s) hurt. A healthy person has a nested set of layers from strangers through acquaintances and friends to family, requiring time and effort to move through. Those are mapped along personal information and touch-permission and many other lines of contact.

People who don't recognize or defend their boundaries? Are usually abuse victims. Natasha has only a vague idea of hers or anyone else's, because hers were systematically stripped away. This causes problems in her interactions with other people. A lot of the Avengers have boundary issues, though it manifests differently from one to another.

Re: Hmm...

[(Anonymous)]

I usually enjoy reading other people's comments, but this hit me hard because you see ... I'm a teacher. And it feels, for me, that at lot of people keep harping on about how bad, lazy and unconcerned we are - when in fact I don't know a single person who this is true for.

I love my job. Scratch that, I adore my job. The paycheck is nice, sure (it keeps me from living in poverty and being an even bigger drain on my parents) but the reason I chose to get into it, and enjoy going to work every day - I love sharing my knowledge and enthusiasm, and guiding my students to find that same joy and develop these same skills themselves. This is true for all of my classes, even the ones I may find slightly more difficult.

And yes, I use icebreakers. Why? Because when you are going to be with a group of people for a long or intense period of time, being able to understand and communicate with each other is VERY IMPORTANT. (Also, it helps me learn people's names - an issue with which I am notoriously not very good at!) The trick is to choose the correct activities for the group you are with, and be able to adapt them at the drop of a hat depending on any specific circumstances.
(Also, this is why I really enjoyed this chapter - it was both very personal to me and an excellent reflection of 'ideal' teaching practices).

I am in no way denying the feelings and experiences of others, but since these comments seem the place to share feeling, I thought I'd share mine (and how much it can almost physically hurt when people denigrate my career).

(P.s. Thank you for the amazing series) XD :-D

Re: Hmm...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I usually enjoy reading other people's comments, but this hit me hard because you see ... I'm a teacher. <<

Both of my parents are teachers, and worked in the public school system until they retired recently. I'm a teacher, and what I observed of that system inclined me to stay the hell away from it as an adult. So I've broadened my experience into other areas; I've taught online and at gatherings and at home, all kinds of things.

>> And it feels, for me, that at lot of people keep harping on about how bad, lazy and unconcerned we are - when in fact I don't know a single person who this is true for. <<

Then you're amazingly lucky, and you must work at a great school. I know those exist. I got a couple years at a private school that was really good, and most of the teachers were great, but several of them were downright psychologically abusive. Usually it's a mix. As a student, I was pleased if I got one or two really good teachers a year. Most were adequate. The bad ones can be life-wrecking, and in a tenure system, almost impossible to oust.

I blame the system, and society, far more than I blame the teachers. A lot of the problems are due to underfunding (which runs up class size, which makes everything harder) and politicking (which destroys textbook usability).

>> I love sharing my knowledge and enthusiasm, and guiding my students to find that same joy and develop these same skills themselves. <<

If you can still make that happen in your classroom, then you AND your students are incredibly lucky. It should be the norm. It is not, and that's getting rapidly worse.

>> And yes, I use icebreakers. Why? Because when you are going to be with a group of people for a long or intense period of time, being able to understand and communicate with each other is VERY IMPORTANT. <<

It is, if:
* they are expected to interact with each other, not just passively absorb data as is the case in many business events and classrooms
* the supervisor has the training, the time, and the authority to manage the group as safe space, so that bullies in the group don't use icebreakers as an opportunity to pick on people
* the activity is constructive, not just a waste of time.

>> (Also, it helps me learn people's names - an issue with which I am notoriously not very good at!) <<

Do what works for you. I'm so bad at it, I don't even try. I just tell people that I'll probably forget their names.

>> The trick is to choose the correct activities for the group you are with, and be able to adapt them at the drop of a hat depending on any specific circumstances. <<

Agreed. This is a vital point that is frequently missed, and thus, a common complaint focuses on mismatches.

>> (Also, this is why I really enjoyed this chapter - it was both very personal to me and an excellent reflection of 'ideal' teaching practices). <<

I'm happy to hear that!

Look at the group, though. They're all willing to be there; some of them were forced into the group earlier, but have since chosen to stay. The current teacher:student ratio is 1:7. Optimum class size is usually cited around 10-12 and that matches my observations. Smaller groups are fine if people are inquisitive enough to keep conversation going and/or some need extra help. But the larger the group, the harder it is to supervise and to customize anything. The more special needs there are, the harder it is -- ALL of the Avengers qualify in one way or another, but even in ordinary classrooms the rate has gone up.

>> I am in no way denying the feelings and experiences of others, but since these comments seem the place to share feeling, <<

It's good to have a counterpoint. Thanks for sharing.

>> I thought I'd share mine (and how much it can almost physically hurt when people denigrate my career). <<

For me, I love the vocation of teaching. I love the idea of learning. Those are ideals. The practice is ... very very troubled in America today. Teachers scarcely have any leeway left for actual teaching, students have very little for learning and creativity, and the result is a mess. This makes me deeply unhappy.

Look at the modeling of educational techniques in my writing, though, and you can see how I think it should be done: provide materials, create opportunities, encourage exploration, get people unstuck when they can't figure things out, and try to make sure nobody gets hurt.

If you think what I say about teachers is sometimes sharp, well, my opinions about principals and school boards are razored, and about politicians attempting to hijack the school system are more or less boiling-in-oil. At least with teachers I've had some really stellar examples to boost the average.

>> (P.s. Thank you for the amazing series) XD :-D <<

You're welcome! I'm glad you like this.

If you want to see more positive portrayals of teachers or teaching, you can come to any of my open events and request that. Prompting is always free. I do a Poetry Fishbowl once a month, and usually the crowdfunding Creative Jam too. I recently started an original superhero series, Polychrome Heroics, which happens to be set on a college campus so that's an easy match. Folks are always welcome to ask me for more of something they like, or for positive portrayals of underrepresented or maligned groups. Or to burn something in effigy, but honestly I get less of that than positive requests.

Re: Hmm...

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, thank you for the really lovely (and quick) response! I wasn't expecting it at all.

I may be 'lucky', in that I only teach academic classes to International pre-university students, so they already have a high amount of motivation etc., and only usually teach around 12 students at most.
I'm also English (and *cough* 'middle class'), so it could be I just have a different personal experience of education (my family are all teachers too)

Anyway, thank you for the links, and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapters (and the rest of your works) XD :-D

Re: Hmm...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Oh, thank you for the really lovely (and quick) response! I wasn't expecting it at all. <<

Wordsmithing is my dayjob; I'm online much of the time I'm awake. I also do crowdfunding because I enjoy a high degree of audience interaction.

>> I may be 'lucky', in that I only teach academic classes to International pre-university students, <<

*laugh* Well that helps right there, the cultural mix. I really feel that the highly mixed population of my second high school, University High School, contributed to its thriving student culture. You get things in a mixed culture that you just won't see anywhere else. The Avengers are shortchanged there because they're low on ethnic diversity.

>> so they already have a high amount of motivation etc., and only usually teach around 12 students at most. <<

Yep, that helps too. If you ever have a chance, try wrangling 20, 30, or 40 people at once. The differences are tremendous.

It's not just teaching, either. Same thing happens in group ritual. What works with a small group of 4-6, a medium group of 12-15, a large group of 25, a really large group of 100, and a vast group of 500 or more -- those are all different things. You have to suit the techniques to the size. The bigger the group, the less opportunity to troubleshoot on a fine scale; upward of 25 or so, you really need spot-monitors who can handle problems while the main presenter keeps the production going.

Even the best teachers can't compensate for a massive class. I watched a really good one completely wreck a student who kept disrupting a big lecture by coughing. Turned out she had cancer. In a class of 12, or even 20, he would've known that. But you can't know 700 people, or stop to troubleshoot all the things that can go wrong in a lecture; you're pretty much reduced to telling people to leave so they don't derail the class for the other 699.

>> I'm also English (and *cough* 'middle class'), so it could be I just have a different personal experience of education (my family are all teachers too) <<

That can make a difference. I've been middle class, and working poor, and now we haven't had a job in our household for over 5 years. So there's breadth.

>> Anyway, thank you for the links, <<

Glad I could help!

>> and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapters (and the rest of your works) XD :-D <<

If you're looking for more fanfic, most of that is either gathered on AO3 or crossovers with Schrodinger's Heroes.

If you're looking for my original writing, I have thousands of poems under the Poem tag and the series are gathered on my Serial PoetryM/a> page. Fiction is mostly scattered but I've got a dense cluster in Torn World.

If you'd like to see some of my educational writing, I have How To posts and a big archive about Crowdfunding, discussion questions for my books, and miscellaneous stuff scattered around. Most of my classes haven't been posted online, but "Appreciating Speculative Art" on DeviantArt is adapted from an online class (that began as a slideshow discussion at a con).

Re: Hmm...

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

I appreciate your outrage over the state of education in America, but more than that I appreciate how clearly you describe some of the reasons for its current status.

<<former teacher recovering from burn out

Re: Hmm...

[ysabetwordsmith]

I'm glad I could help. It's really a mess, and powerful people are deeply invested in making matters worse rather than better. Many improvements are possible, but these are consistently blocks. It's very frustrating.

[brushwolf]

Heya. I went through your link under "killing another person," and the part that really caught me was his discussion of Ganzer syndrome, where people will be completely inappropriate in laughing and joking under stress. Actually a whole class I was in got berated for having a bad case of the giggles while sacrificing and dissecting rats to study intestinal parasites (we couldn't stop laughing and joking nervously, and then this faculty member came in and basically accused all of us of being psychotic sadists). Unfortunately I can't find a good reference for "Ganzer syndrome" - I can find "Ganser syndrome," which seems to be a slightly different dissociative thing.

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Heya. I went through your link under "killing another person," and the part that really caught me was his discussion of Ganzer syndrome, where people will be completely inappropriate in laughing and joking under stress. <<

That's interesting. I didn't know it was considered as such. I thought it was just a wide-scattered tendency.

>> Actually a whole class I was in got berated for having a bad case of the giggles while sacrificing and dissecting rats to study intestinal parasites (we couldn't stop laughing and joking nervously, and then this faculty member came in and basically accused all of us of being psychotic sadists). <<

Yeah, I've seen things like this. Ragging on people about it never helps. It's better to change subjects for a little while or do something else to calm down.

>> Unfortunately I can't find a good reference for "Ganzer syndrome" - I can find "Ganser syndrome," which seems to be a slightly different dissociative thing. <<

Maybe it will pop up later.

[(Anonymous)]

Yay, game night! It's funny; I started reading your stories for the ageplay, but I almost forgot that we were building to this. I've been enjoying their "everyday" interactions so much, I didn't miss the ageplay at all.

That said, it's good to see it again. Little little-Steve is adorable, and hopefully his and Bucky's "reunion" can start healing some of Steve's guilt. And Bruce reached out to Bucky! I'm so proud of him!

...I may own a set of fingerpaints? I pretend it's for when my baby cousins come to visit, but mostly it's just fun to get all messy! I never attempted any "real" art with it, though--Braun, Troilo, and Close are amazing.

Question: has Bucky switched down yet? So far, he seems more like an adult playing with the kids than a kid himself.

Meg

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Yay, game night! It's funny; I started reading your stories for the ageplay, but I almost forgot that we were building to this. I've been enjoying their "everyday" interactions so much, I didn't miss the ageplay at all. <<

I'm really glad to hear this. This series started out pretty light with a little angst, and all ageplay; but over time it has gotten much deeper and the ageplay is spaced out among other activities. It's good to know that folks enjoy more aspects of the writing than just that one bit.

>>That said, it's good to see it again.<<

I find that at this stage of the series, ageplay makes a good relief from the serious topics that characters are dealing with. It's cute, it's fun, and it's replenishing.

>> Little little-Steve is adorable, <<

This is really the first time that Steve has gone all the way down like that. He has only experimented briefly with being different ages, and he is so accustomed to being in charge and looking after other people that it's hard for him to shift far enough down to let go of that. It's really good for him to get this chance now.

>>and hopefully his and Bucky's "reunion" can start healing some of Steve's guilt.<<

This is helping a lot. It's still going to take a while for Steve to work through all the guilt, though. I think it will get better as Bucky recovers more.

>> And Bruce reached out to Bucky! I'm so proud of him! <<

Yes. They are still feeling out the parameters of their relationship. Thus far it has been mostly Bruce guiding Bucky -- but apparently Bruce has seen enough in the process that he feels able to trust Bucky, at least tentatively. As with Bruce's initial approach to Steve, it's a big step, because his past history with soldiers has sucked so much. Bruce remains uneasy about the uniforms, the weapons, the body language; but he's learning to distinguish "soldiers in general keep trying to hurt me" from "THESE particular soldiers are safe and will protect me."

And Hulk can pick up on that, because he experiences game night through shared emotions.

>> ...I may own a set of fingerpaints? I pretend it's for when my baby cousins come to visit, but mostly it's just fun to get all messy! <<

It's a fun activity. There's no reason to restrict it by age.

>> I never attempted any "real" art with it, though--Braun, Troilo, and Close are amazing. <<

I was surprised to find them while searching the topic of fingerpaints, but they're really cool. Me, I tend to go for abstract, symbolic, or geometric art because my drawing/painting skill isn't great even with more refined media. But I can make aesthetic and expressive designs just fine, and I enjoy fooling around. I haven't done it in a while, but readily take the opportunity when available.

>>Question: has Bucky switched down yet? So far, he seems more like an adult playing with the kids than a kid himself.<<

Well, he's down as far as he can go right now. Bucky is new to ageplay, and he's got Stevie under him, so that makes it harder to shift down. However, this is still probably close to what Bucky was like as a child. Remember the parentification? Children thrust into responsible roles too soon may act eerily like miniature adults. Bucky doesn't have much sense of what it's like to give up responsibility and let someone else take care of him. It's something he needs to work on over time.

Bruce is lucky that he can let go and drop way down. He rarely gets assertive, but he spends a lot of energy taking care of other people. He's more likely to do for himself than ask for help, but tends to shortchange his own needs.

Bruce absolutely picked the right age for addressing those issues, because toddlers are just beginning to explore the boundaries between self and other, acceptable and unacceptable actions, and how to do things themselves while most stuff still needs to be done for them. Switching down that far helps him access a more malleable state, and I think it plays into the large amount of progress he's making.

It's kind of interesting to compare the different people, how easily or not they shift between ages, and what their little-selves hint about how their child-selves actually were.

[antivol.livejournal.com]

Reading this was pure pleasure! So sweet! Art therapy is really awesome. Loved seeing a glimpse of little Steve's first steps in art!

Thank you!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Reading this was pure pleasure! So sweet! <<

I'm happy to hear that.

>> Art therapy is really awesome. <<

It seems to be one of the more effective ways for expressing what people can't put into words. It also works for starting conversations.

>> Loved seeing a glimpse of little Steve's first steps in art! <<

Yay! Sometimes creativity shows very early, in a different approach to materials than what most people do. I've seen artists work through new supplies like this to find out what the stuff will do, before trying to start a project.

[yamx]

Awww... it's nice to see them all have fun. :)

Yay!

[ysabetwordsmith]

They need it, after all the stress they've been through.