Story: "No Winter Lasts Forever" (Part 26)
Jun. 5th, 2013 02:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," and "Birthday Girl."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Nick Fury.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mind control. Inferences of past child abuse and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: A mission in Russia introduces the Avengers to the Winter Soldier. Steve wants Bucky back and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Everyone else helps however they can.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. BAMF!Avengers. Bucky!whump. Vulgar language. Drama. Rescue. Hurt/Comfort. Emotional whump. Survivor guilt. Friendship. Confusion. Mind control. Memory loss. Slow recovery. Nick Fury makes stupid-ass decisions. Fear of loss. Arc reactor. Fluff. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Tony Stark has a heart. Games. Trust issues. Safety and security. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Obadiah Stane's A+ parenting. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Sleep issues. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Personal growth. Family of choice. ALL THE FEELS. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25. Skip to Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31.
"No Winter Lasts Forever" Part 26
"Huh," said Bruce. "I never thought of looking for shoes with breakaway parts. It just ... didn't seem important."
I'm not important, is what Phil heard, but he made no direct remark about it. "Well, you had other things to think about at the time. Why don't we look at some options now? JARVIS, please find us some shoes to browse."
"I suggest walking shoes," JARVIS said, stacking up a set of holograms. "They tend to be comfortable and lightweight, often with laces held by plastic rings or ribbon loops. Bruce, here are some styles that match your measurements and general fashion preferences."
Bruce made an interested noise, leaning forward. "I haven't seen anything like these before. They look pretty cool," he said.
"Here, take a peek at the canvas ones. They're durable and understated," Phil said.
"Yeah, I like those. These nylon and leather ones are nice too," Bruce said, poking through the holograms.
"Pick out two pairs," Phil said. "Then if you lose a pair, you'll have a backup to wear while you get new ones."
Bruce hesitated, then said, "Okay." It was easier to coax him into expanding his wardrobe if they didn't push too hard all at once. Small steps worked better. Bruce wound up choosing a brown pair and a gray pair. He gave Phil a tentative smile as JARVIS put the order through.
"Well done. I think that's enough excitement for now," Phil declared. It was better to stop on a successful note. "I'm sure you've got work to do."
"Yeah," Bruce said. Then he hugged Phil. "Thanks, Uncle Phil. For everything, not just the shoes. I don't know how you put up with me, I'm such a mess."
"Because you're worth it," Phil said. The shoelaces had provided a catalyst, but something deeper had Bruce clinging to him like this. It was like looking at a layered map, all the ages of him stacked on top of each other, influencing what came to the surface. "Can you tell me what brought this on?"
"I used to trip over my shoelaces all the time when I was really little. That made it hard to run. Then I figured out how to tuck them up out of the way. I guess today reminded me of that," said Bruce.
Hidden trigger, Phil thought, making stress from one issue come out sideways through another. "What made you think of running and tripping, before you stepped on your shoelace earlier, that upset you so much when you stumbled?" he said aloud.
"With Bucky around, I just keep thinking ... that's what they wanted to do to me. Trip me up, trap me, turn me into a weapon," Bruce admitted. "I'd just be this thing they could take out of the box to use whenever they wanted, and then put back ..." He was shaking again. "General Ross and his men had me before, they still want to track me down, and I can't, I can't ..."
"That is not going to happen," Phil said firmly. No wonder Bruce had fallen apart, trying to deal with all that pressure on his own. "I can see why the idea would make you so uncomfortable; it's very scary. However, we won't let anyone take you away or subvert your will like that. It's not okay to treat people that way. We'll protect you if anyone tries it."
"I know," Bruce said. He hiccupped a little, trying not to cry. "It's funny, a year ago I would have been terrified. I'm still freaked out about this, but not as bad now. I know you'd stand up for me, the whole team would. That's new, and it feels weird to me, but ... I kind of like it."
"How does Hulk feel about this? Can you tell?" Phil asked delicately. Bruce's age orientation often wavered when he got upset, and Hulk moved around their inner space; it could make tracking things a challenge.
"He's angry about it, and a little edgy, but not ... not so full of rage that he's trying to break out. He doesn't feel hunted this time. He likes Bucky. I think he worries about Bucky, too; maybe this is why he feels so protective of him," said Bruce. He rubbed a hand over his face, smearing tears away. "Sometimes it's hard to tell what the Other Guy feels, and what I feel."
"You'll learn that too," Phil said. He pulled out a handkerchief to dry Bruce's face properly. "I have faith in you -- both of you."
"Yeah," Bruce said. "That helps. It's just, everyone's concerned over Bucky, and they should be. I didn't want to get in the way."
"We're all feeling sensitive about this, in different ways," Phil said quietly. "Just because you didn't know Bucky before all this happened, doesn't mean the situation won't bring up personal issues for you. We've all got each other for support. We can take turns based on who feels better or worse at the moment. So if you need someone to lean on, you let us know. We'll talk about it and fix what we can. Don't hold back until it wrecks your control or peace of mind."
"I think I like that," Bruce said. "When, when people let me help. When they look after me." He tilted his hands back and forth, like balancing a scale. "It feels better that way."
"I like those things too," Phil said.
Bruce climbed to his feet, wriggling his toes in their newly secured shoes. "I'm ready to go back now," he said.
Phil walked Bruce to the lab, letting him gradually drift back up to his adult self. Sometimes Bruce skipped ahead, hopping over the floor tiles and sliding to make his shoes squeak. They never came loose, though. Sometimes Bruce stayed by Phil, walking together or even holding hands. It was a pleasant interlude.
By the time they arrived, Bruce was alert again, eager to resume his work. Phil left him to it. Still, Phil wondered how the rest of his team was doing. Bucky's condition, miserable as it was for himself, brought up issues for everyone else as well. I'll just have to keep an eye out, Phil decided.
* * *
Notes:
Walking shoes are lightweight and comfortable. Some of them are easy to slip into and out of quickly.
Displacement is a psychological defense mechanism. Something that is too difficult to deal with directly gets shunted into a different direction. This is particularly prone to happening with PTSD triggers.
If not dealt with, stress can come out sideways. One common example is an argument about a superficial complaint that connects to something much deeper. There are ways to reduce stress and avoid this problem.
Bruce has a strong -- and sadly justified -- fear of being captured. It's not a trivial issue; animals and even people can actually die of fear. While death isn't a risk for Bruce, the same biological reactions are likely to make Hulk appear, which can also cause problems. People can overcome a fear of being kidnapped.
Feeling protective can indicate love or other strong connections. Hulk identifies with Bucky so strongly that it's spilling over to the point even Bruce can feel it, though it takes time and some help before Bruce manages to figure out exactly why.
Talking about things is a vital part of family life. Nothing is too big or too small to be worth talking about. Communication can prevent problems from occurring and lessen the ones that do arise.
[To be continued in Part 27 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Nick Fury.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mind control. Inferences of past child abuse and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: A mission in Russia introduces the Avengers to the Winter Soldier. Steve wants Bucky back and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Everyone else helps however they can.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. BAMF!Avengers. Bucky!whump. Vulgar language. Drama. Rescue. Hurt/Comfort. Emotional whump. Survivor guilt. Friendship. Confusion. Mind control. Memory loss. Slow recovery. Nick Fury makes stupid-ass decisions. Fear of loss. Arc reactor. Fluff. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Tony Stark has a heart. Games. Trust issues. Safety and security. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Obadiah Stane's A+ parenting. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Sleep issues. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Personal growth. Family of choice. ALL THE FEELS. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25. Skip to Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31.
"No Winter Lasts Forever" Part 26
"Huh," said Bruce. "I never thought of looking for shoes with breakaway parts. It just ... didn't seem important."
I'm not important, is what Phil heard, but he made no direct remark about it. "Well, you had other things to think about at the time. Why don't we look at some options now? JARVIS, please find us some shoes to browse."
"I suggest walking shoes," JARVIS said, stacking up a set of holograms. "They tend to be comfortable and lightweight, often with laces held by plastic rings or ribbon loops. Bruce, here are some styles that match your measurements and general fashion preferences."
Bruce made an interested noise, leaning forward. "I haven't seen anything like these before. They look pretty cool," he said.
"Here, take a peek at the canvas ones. They're durable and understated," Phil said.
"Yeah, I like those. These nylon and leather ones are nice too," Bruce said, poking through the holograms.
"Pick out two pairs," Phil said. "Then if you lose a pair, you'll have a backup to wear while you get new ones."
Bruce hesitated, then said, "Okay." It was easier to coax him into expanding his wardrobe if they didn't push too hard all at once. Small steps worked better. Bruce wound up choosing a brown pair and a gray pair. He gave Phil a tentative smile as JARVIS put the order through.
"Well done. I think that's enough excitement for now," Phil declared. It was better to stop on a successful note. "I'm sure you've got work to do."
"Yeah," Bruce said. Then he hugged Phil. "Thanks, Uncle Phil. For everything, not just the shoes. I don't know how you put up with me, I'm such a mess."
"Because you're worth it," Phil said. The shoelaces had provided a catalyst, but something deeper had Bruce clinging to him like this. It was like looking at a layered map, all the ages of him stacked on top of each other, influencing what came to the surface. "Can you tell me what brought this on?"
"I used to trip over my shoelaces all the time when I was really little. That made it hard to run. Then I figured out how to tuck them up out of the way. I guess today reminded me of that," said Bruce.
Hidden trigger, Phil thought, making stress from one issue come out sideways through another. "What made you think of running and tripping, before you stepped on your shoelace earlier, that upset you so much when you stumbled?" he said aloud.
"With Bucky around, I just keep thinking ... that's what they wanted to do to me. Trip me up, trap me, turn me into a weapon," Bruce admitted. "I'd just be this thing they could take out of the box to use whenever they wanted, and then put back ..." He was shaking again. "General Ross and his men had me before, they still want to track me down, and I can't, I can't ..."
"That is not going to happen," Phil said firmly. No wonder Bruce had fallen apart, trying to deal with all that pressure on his own. "I can see why the idea would make you so uncomfortable; it's very scary. However, we won't let anyone take you away or subvert your will like that. It's not okay to treat people that way. We'll protect you if anyone tries it."
"I know," Bruce said. He hiccupped a little, trying not to cry. "It's funny, a year ago I would have been terrified. I'm still freaked out about this, but not as bad now. I know you'd stand up for me, the whole team would. That's new, and it feels weird to me, but ... I kind of like it."
"How does Hulk feel about this? Can you tell?" Phil asked delicately. Bruce's age orientation often wavered when he got upset, and Hulk moved around their inner space; it could make tracking things a challenge.
"He's angry about it, and a little edgy, but not ... not so full of rage that he's trying to break out. He doesn't feel hunted this time. He likes Bucky. I think he worries about Bucky, too; maybe this is why he feels so protective of him," said Bruce. He rubbed a hand over his face, smearing tears away. "Sometimes it's hard to tell what the Other Guy feels, and what I feel."
"You'll learn that too," Phil said. He pulled out a handkerchief to dry Bruce's face properly. "I have faith in you -- both of you."
"Yeah," Bruce said. "That helps. It's just, everyone's concerned over Bucky, and they should be. I didn't want to get in the way."
"We're all feeling sensitive about this, in different ways," Phil said quietly. "Just because you didn't know Bucky before all this happened, doesn't mean the situation won't bring up personal issues for you. We've all got each other for support. We can take turns based on who feels better or worse at the moment. So if you need someone to lean on, you let us know. We'll talk about it and fix what we can. Don't hold back until it wrecks your control or peace of mind."
"I think I like that," Bruce said. "When, when people let me help. When they look after me." He tilted his hands back and forth, like balancing a scale. "It feels better that way."
"I like those things too," Phil said.
Bruce climbed to his feet, wriggling his toes in their newly secured shoes. "I'm ready to go back now," he said.
Phil walked Bruce to the lab, letting him gradually drift back up to his adult self. Sometimes Bruce skipped ahead, hopping over the floor tiles and sliding to make his shoes squeak. They never came loose, though. Sometimes Bruce stayed by Phil, walking together or even holding hands. It was a pleasant interlude.
By the time they arrived, Bruce was alert again, eager to resume his work. Phil left him to it. Still, Phil wondered how the rest of his team was doing. Bucky's condition, miserable as it was for himself, brought up issues for everyone else as well. I'll just have to keep an eye out, Phil decided.
* * *
Notes:
Walking shoes are lightweight and comfortable. Some of them are easy to slip into and out of quickly.
Displacement is a psychological defense mechanism. Something that is too difficult to deal with directly gets shunted into a different direction. This is particularly prone to happening with PTSD triggers.
If not dealt with, stress can come out sideways. One common example is an argument about a superficial complaint that connects to something much deeper. There are ways to reduce stress and avoid this problem.
Bruce has a strong -- and sadly justified -- fear of being captured. It's not a trivial issue; animals and even people can actually die of fear. While death isn't a risk for Bruce, the same biological reactions are likely to make Hulk appear, which can also cause problems. People can overcome a fear of being kidnapped.
Feeling protective can indicate love or other strong connections. Hulk identifies with Bucky so strongly that it's spilling over to the point even Bruce can feel it, though it takes time and some help before Bruce manages to figure out exactly why.
Talking about things is a vital part of family life. Nothing is too big or too small to be worth talking about. Communication can prevent problems from occurring and lessen the ones that do arise.
[To be continued in Part 27 ...]
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-05 01:09 pm (UTC)Helga
Thank you!
Date: 2013-06-07 06:23 am (UTC)Hee! That's good to hear.
>> It's not just new things either, there are things here that I go actively hunting for in my entertainment. It's like I gave you a list of things I enjoy in my fiction, and you checked off like, eighty percent of them. <<
Wow! That's a really high score.
I put in a lot of my favorites too -- things like family of choice, nonsexual intimacies, dealing with the aftermath of heroism, alternative sexuality, etc. Those are things you can find in my original writing. The ageplay motif is new for me.
>> Up to and including AIs that acquire sapience (or is it sentience, I can never remember) and are acknowledged as being people, too. <<
Oh, that's a favorite of mine too. I've written several versions. Two of my poetic series have them: An Army of One (they first appear in "Jumpship") and Kung Fu Robots.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2013-06-08 04:31 am (UTC)sentient: having senses; capable of experiencing sensations. From the same root as "senses" and "sensation", Latin sentīre. This is true of just about any animal creature as well as humans and fantasy non-humans.
sapient: intelligent; capable of knowledge at something near the human level. From Latin sapiens 'wise', as in our Linnæan species name, Homo sapiens, which I sometimes abbreviate to a more appropriate "Homo sap".
In these terms, there are a lot of sapient AIs in fiction. Sentience seems to me a bit less clear: would we say they have senses? I guess I'd have to say so. We hairless bipeds are both.
Now, both these definitions are from my own educated native fannish knowledge of English, checked with several good dictionaries. My understanding of sentient pretty well matches what I've found there. Sapient, though, is defined only as something like "wise or learned", not much in common current use. Google summarizes definitions as
• Adjective: Wise, or attempting to appear wise.
• Noun: A human of the species Homo sapiens.
• Synonyms: wise - sage - sagacious - clever - sensible - intelligent
There are plenty of sentient creatures in the real world, but human-level intelligence only in humans,* so there's not much need or use for a word meaning "intelligent at or above human level, whether human or not". Note the Google definition of sapient (noun). I've been trying without success to remember where I saw it used this way in sf.
* At least as far as common knowledge and accepted reality go.
Respectfully submitted,
Dr. Whom: Consulting Linguist, Grammarian, Orthoëpist, and Philological Busybody
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2013-06-08 08:44 am (UTC)Then there are ones that have some truly humanlike features, the kind of things that people can do, and you have to start asking how many of these does it require to be a person? Some parrots can speak; some great apes can sign. Keas are frighteningly good at tool use and puzzle-solving. Cetaceans have language. Cetaceans and primates have culture and can transmit knowledge.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2013-06-09 01:49 am (UTC)This is very much unproven. Having done my dissertation on ASL, I was especially interested in Koko & sim. See these posts in Language Log and Straight Dope.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-05 02:11 pm (UTC)Welcome!
Date: 2013-06-07 06:49 am (UTC)I'm happy to hear that.
>> I'm finding it fascinating, but a little challenging to read. <<
What about it is challenging for you?
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-05 04:28 pm (UTC)You're welcome!
Date: 2013-06-07 09:22 am (UTC)Phil is gradually trying to coax Bruce into dealing with emotions, not just fobbing them off on Hulk. It works best for things like this that both of them feel. The more Bruce can work with his own emotions, the better he and Hulk will get at making controlled changes rather than snapping back and forth reflexively.
>> I loved it when he chose his new shoes. Taking care of himself/accepting the care. That was great. <<
Yay! This is another ongoing project for them. It still takes effort but Bruce is definitely gaining ground both on letting people take care of him, and participating in self-care beyond the bare minimum. It helps that Phil connects his own enjoyment of taking care of people with how Bruce feels about looking after others -- it's something Bruce can relate to, and not just feel like he's taking up time and resources better spent on someone else.
>> Thanks for the chapter! <<
I'm glad you enjoyed this.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-05 07:07 pm (UTC)*Th Syx cackles as she slips off to help tony shrink-wrap Fury's car*
You're welcome!
Date: 2013-06-08 01:29 am (UTC)I'm happy to hear that.
>> Thank you for adding in all the reference info as well. Outstanding work and I can't wait to see more :) <<
The references are popular, so I'm keeping up with those.
>> *Th Syx cackles as she slips off to help tony shrink-wrap Fury's car* <<
Heh ... what Tony is doing to Fury is far more subtle and potent than a few rolls of shrink-wrap.
Re: You're welcome!
Date: 2013-08-18 07:06 am (UTC)Re: You're welcome!
Date: 2013-08-18 07:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-05 09:11 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2013-06-08 02:10 am (UTC)