Story: "No Winter Lasts Forever" (Part 23)
Jun. 2nd, 2013 12:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," and "Birthday Girl."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Nick Fury.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mind control. Inferences of past child abuse and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: A mission in Russia introduces the Avengers to the Winter Soldier. Steve wants Bucky back and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Everyone else helps however they can.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. BAMF!Avengers. Bucky!whump. Vulgar language. Drama. Rescue. Hurt/Comfort. Emotional whump. Survivor guilt. Friendship. Confusion. Mind control. Memory loss. Slow recovery. Nick Fury makes stupid-ass decisions. Fear of loss. Arc reactor. Fluff. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Tony Stark has a heart. Games. Trust issues. Safety and security. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Obadiah Stane's A+ parenting. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Sleep issues. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Personal growth. Family of choice. ALL THE FEELS. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22. Skip to Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28.
"No Winter Lasts Forever" Part 23
"I wish Hulk could articulate his observations more clearly," Phil said.
"So do I. For that matter, so does he. It's frustrating," Bruce said.
That reminded Phil about his own idea. "I got to thinking about the super-soldier serum and its effect on mood," he said. "People have tried to duplicate it, or modify it, without ever getting consistent results. You and Bucky both have dramatic mood swings, but you change shape and he doesn't. Natasha's emotions are nearly flatlined and Steve is amazingly mellow. Red Skull and the Abomination both shifted form and got stuck there, on top of severe insanity, but not the same ways. I wondered if the serum might distort moods, but then there's Steve -- he doesn't have a temper problem."
"Steve is buffered," Bruce said quietly. "He still has access to the whole range of emotions, it's just harder to knock him off his feet. The serum gave him emotional resilience as well as physical resilience, which is partly why he's still sane after losing as much as he has. What you see with Natasha, that flatlining, it's like a buffer gone crazy. What the Red Room did to her involved both psychological and chemical brainwashing. That's why it turned out differently -- for the rest of us, the change was all physical."
"Bucky was brainwashed," Phil pointed out.
"That came later, though," Bruce said. "It factors in, but not the way people expect." Bruce gave a dark chuckle. "You see, there's something nobody accounted for, that I didn't even know about until Steve told me. It's not a 'super-soldier' serum. It's a chemical lens. It magnifies whatever it touches."
"Thank you for sharing that with me," Phil said. Then he frowned. "Why did you tell me?"
"You're helping us put Bucky back together, so you need to know," Bruce said. "Besides ... Steve said that it was his secret to share, and now mine ... that he trusted me with it. Dr. Erskine told him, but he never told anyone else. It's not in any of the records."
"I'll keep it in confidence," Phil said. "The serum magnifies ... no wonder Blonsky turned into a monster!"
Bruce looked down, a shadow crossing his face. "He was always a monster. It just went from being on the inside to being on the outside. Old Thunderbolt sure knows how to pick 'em," he said. "Then again, same applies to me."
Phil cupped a hand under Bruce's chin and lifted. "You are not a monster," he said firmly. "That goes for both of you."
Bruce pulled away. "Anyhow, what I said: lens effect," he said. "Steve's innate patience turned into tremendous emotional resilience. Judging from Steve's stories, Bucky always had a wild side and a responsible side, and now he's more mercurial. But no amount of tinkering with the formula could make it go against its core nature. So even in evil hands, if the seed of a hero was there, it sprouted. Natasha took the chance that SHIELD offered her. Bucky ... he must have fought so hard, the only way they could turn him was to unmake him, to erase his memory of right and wrong. It's possible to bend someone that way. As soon as the outside pressure lets up, though, they naturally gravitate back toward their own moral lodestone."
Phil smiled. Let's see the scientist try to wriggle out of his own argument. "Bruce, you're in the same set yourself," he said aloud.
"It's not the same," Bruce protested. "The Other Guy is ..." But he trailed off, unable to sustain the 'monster' theme in the face of comparisons like Blonsky, not after having seen proof positive that Hulk could be gentle when he chose to be. The argument was valid; it held strongly enough to make Bruce pause.
"Hulk is what he is: a hero. He protects you, and he extends that to other people. He's so bulletproof that he can use his own body as a shield, even if you don't want him to," Phil pointed out.
"I made a mistake ..." Bruce said.
"You didn't make a mistake. You made a difference. That's not the same thing -- and even so, I think you came closer to the original Project Rebirth than you realize," Phil said. "What's more, I think Steve sees that too. Why else keep a secret all this time, and then share it with you?" Phil spread a gentle hand over Bruce's chest. "Steve is relatively simple. You're complex. So the serum did the best it could for you: it created a way for Bruce and Hulk to take turns externally as well as internally. Two heroes for the price of one, each with different and complementary abilities."
"I ... don't really know what to make of that," Bruce said. But he clasped a hand over Phil's instead of pulling away again.
Phil could be content with that. "Take your time thinking about it," he said. "For now, what does all this mean for Bucky?"
"The plasticity works in his favor," Bruce said. "He should revert to himself, rather strongly. We can coach him to help his memory recover. There are even some remedies for amnesia, dietary supplements and such, that might help. That's going to make it difficult for him to live with what he did under the influence of Department X, though."
Phil winced. "You mean it's going to be as bad as Clint after the attack on the Helicarrier."
"Likely so," Bruce said. "For that matter, Natasha's dampened emotional scope is as much advantage as injury; it protects her from feeling most of the pain of betraying and murdering people. Bucky doesn't have that much insulation. It'll hit him harder, probably bounce back and forth between feeling almost nothing and way too much."
"And to think SHIELD wanted to isolate him with no real support network," Phil said.
"Bucky needs all the support he can get from us, or at least, however much he'll accept from us," Bruce said.
"He'll get it," Phil said. "We'll convince him to accept it."
"Okay," Bruce said. "I'll think over some possible solutions for the problems we've observed, then try talking to Bucky. And ... thanks for keeping me in the loop, Phil."
I'm just a weapon. Nobody tells me anything. Bucky's words echoed in Phil's head. "I'll always keep you in the loop, Bruce," he said. "We need you to help with the problem-solving." As much as he wanted Bruce to accept the Hulk, he also wanted the man to understand his own value as a scientist and not just a container for the heavy hitter.
* * *
Notes:
Articulating observations is an important skill both in science and interpersonal communication. There are exercises for practicing this. People need to understand how to express their thoughts and emotions. It also helps for members of a group to articulate their strengths together. You can see how Bruce and Hulk have divided the traits of different emotional types between them, which affects how they express themselves.
A buffer keeps a system close to a particular level, usually near neutral, preventing large or fast changes from wreaking havoc. This is what Steve has: likely one of the final refinements to the super-soldier serum so that it doesn't magnify altogether blind, but gently inclines toward a healthy balance. Alexithymia is a condition of diminished emotional response that can lead to disengagement, like a buffer gone overboard. This is what happened to Natasha as a result of her early training/torture. Bruce and Hulk aren't much farther along: Bruce has minimal access and understanding of emotions, while Hulk gravitates toward anger.
Dr. Erskine's description of how the serum works is from Captain America: "The serum amplifies everything that is inside, so good becomes great; bad becomes worse."
General Ross is a bad officer, who handpicks the kind of bad soldiers that will eagerly follow illegal and immoral orders. Bad officers can make bad soldiers, and conversely, drive away good ones. Contrast this with Captain America's far more nuanced and moral leadership. There are ways to discharge bad soldiers. Organizational methods are preferable to fragging.
Phil thinks in terms of what makes a person a monster: evil behavior. Being right and good isn't always about appearance or social authority; consider Quasimodo and Frollo. Many monstrous aspects run throughout humanity. The relationship between creator and creation -- including parents and children -- also plays a crucial role. This is where Bruce's dysfunctional relationship with Hulk, and their mutual experience of child abuse, really shows up. But at least Bruce is finally starting to come away from counting Hulk as a monster.
Heroes are the counterpoints, who act for the better when an opportunity arises. Soldiers and veterans are often heroes, but there are many others kinds too. Here's a worksheet about heroic traits. In the end, being a hero isn't about wearing a uniform, having big muscles, or charging into combat. It's about being the person -- regardless of your size, profession, or other characteristics -- who steps between someone else and trouble.
Browse some remedies for amnesia. There's not a lot that can be done for it, but every little bit helps, and supporting the brain in general is a good thing.
Isolation is a key form of abuse. It gives the abuser control, opportunities to work unobserved and free of outside interference. Notice that Director Fury used or ordered isolating tactics against almost all of the Avengers in canon, acting to cut them apart from potential support or escape as much as possible. This is really not okay, a major red flag in any kind of relationship, and a signal to leave.
People may feel reluctant to accept help for themselves or assistance in caring for others. Sometimes nobody asks and nobody offers even though both are willing. However, an exchange of support is a vital part of healthy relationships.
[To be continued in Part 24 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Nick Fury.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mind control. Inferences of past child abuse and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: A mission in Russia introduces the Avengers to the Winter Soldier. Steve wants Bucky back and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Everyone else helps however they can.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. BAMF!Avengers. Bucky!whump. Vulgar language. Drama. Rescue. Hurt/Comfort. Emotional whump. Survivor guilt. Friendship. Confusion. Mind control. Memory loss. Slow recovery. Nick Fury makes stupid-ass decisions. Fear of loss. Arc reactor. Fluff. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Tony Stark has a heart. Games. Trust issues. Safety and security. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Obadiah Stane's A+ parenting. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Sleep issues. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Personal growth. Family of choice. ALL THE FEELS. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22. Skip to Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28.
"No Winter Lasts Forever" Part 23
"I wish Hulk could articulate his observations more clearly," Phil said.
"So do I. For that matter, so does he. It's frustrating," Bruce said.
That reminded Phil about his own idea. "I got to thinking about the super-soldier serum and its effect on mood," he said. "People have tried to duplicate it, or modify it, without ever getting consistent results. You and Bucky both have dramatic mood swings, but you change shape and he doesn't. Natasha's emotions are nearly flatlined and Steve is amazingly mellow. Red Skull and the Abomination both shifted form and got stuck there, on top of severe insanity, but not the same ways. I wondered if the serum might distort moods, but then there's Steve -- he doesn't have a temper problem."
"Steve is buffered," Bruce said quietly. "He still has access to the whole range of emotions, it's just harder to knock him off his feet. The serum gave him emotional resilience as well as physical resilience, which is partly why he's still sane after losing as much as he has. What you see with Natasha, that flatlining, it's like a buffer gone crazy. What the Red Room did to her involved both psychological and chemical brainwashing. That's why it turned out differently -- for the rest of us, the change was all physical."
"Bucky was brainwashed," Phil pointed out.
"That came later, though," Bruce said. "It factors in, but not the way people expect." Bruce gave a dark chuckle. "You see, there's something nobody accounted for, that I didn't even know about until Steve told me. It's not a 'super-soldier' serum. It's a chemical lens. It magnifies whatever it touches."
"Thank you for sharing that with me," Phil said. Then he frowned. "Why did you tell me?"
"You're helping us put Bucky back together, so you need to know," Bruce said. "Besides ... Steve said that it was his secret to share, and now mine ... that he trusted me with it. Dr. Erskine told him, but he never told anyone else. It's not in any of the records."
"I'll keep it in confidence," Phil said. "The serum magnifies ... no wonder Blonsky turned into a monster!"
Bruce looked down, a shadow crossing his face. "He was always a monster. It just went from being on the inside to being on the outside. Old Thunderbolt sure knows how to pick 'em," he said. "Then again, same applies to me."
Phil cupped a hand under Bruce's chin and lifted. "You are not a monster," he said firmly. "That goes for both of you."
Bruce pulled away. "Anyhow, what I said: lens effect," he said. "Steve's innate patience turned into tremendous emotional resilience. Judging from Steve's stories, Bucky always had a wild side and a responsible side, and now he's more mercurial. But no amount of tinkering with the formula could make it go against its core nature. So even in evil hands, if the seed of a hero was there, it sprouted. Natasha took the chance that SHIELD offered her. Bucky ... he must have fought so hard, the only way they could turn him was to unmake him, to erase his memory of right and wrong. It's possible to bend someone that way. As soon as the outside pressure lets up, though, they naturally gravitate back toward their own moral lodestone."
Phil smiled. Let's see the scientist try to wriggle out of his own argument. "Bruce, you're in the same set yourself," he said aloud.
"It's not the same," Bruce protested. "The Other Guy is ..." But he trailed off, unable to sustain the 'monster' theme in the face of comparisons like Blonsky, not after having seen proof positive that Hulk could be gentle when he chose to be. The argument was valid; it held strongly enough to make Bruce pause.
"Hulk is what he is: a hero. He protects you, and he extends that to other people. He's so bulletproof that he can use his own body as a shield, even if you don't want him to," Phil pointed out.
"I made a mistake ..." Bruce said.
"You didn't make a mistake. You made a difference. That's not the same thing -- and even so, I think you came closer to the original Project Rebirth than you realize," Phil said. "What's more, I think Steve sees that too. Why else keep a secret all this time, and then share it with you?" Phil spread a gentle hand over Bruce's chest. "Steve is relatively simple. You're complex. So the serum did the best it could for you: it created a way for Bruce and Hulk to take turns externally as well as internally. Two heroes for the price of one, each with different and complementary abilities."
"I ... don't really know what to make of that," Bruce said. But he clasped a hand over Phil's instead of pulling away again.
Phil could be content with that. "Take your time thinking about it," he said. "For now, what does all this mean for Bucky?"
"The plasticity works in his favor," Bruce said. "He should revert to himself, rather strongly. We can coach him to help his memory recover. There are even some remedies for amnesia, dietary supplements and such, that might help. That's going to make it difficult for him to live with what he did under the influence of Department X, though."
Phil winced. "You mean it's going to be as bad as Clint after the attack on the Helicarrier."
"Likely so," Bruce said. "For that matter, Natasha's dampened emotional scope is as much advantage as injury; it protects her from feeling most of the pain of betraying and murdering people. Bucky doesn't have that much insulation. It'll hit him harder, probably bounce back and forth between feeling almost nothing and way too much."
"And to think SHIELD wanted to isolate him with no real support network," Phil said.
"Bucky needs all the support he can get from us, or at least, however much he'll accept from us," Bruce said.
"He'll get it," Phil said. "We'll convince him to accept it."
"Okay," Bruce said. "I'll think over some possible solutions for the problems we've observed, then try talking to Bucky. And ... thanks for keeping me in the loop, Phil."
I'm just a weapon. Nobody tells me anything. Bucky's words echoed in Phil's head. "I'll always keep you in the loop, Bruce," he said. "We need you to help with the problem-solving." As much as he wanted Bruce to accept the Hulk, he also wanted the man to understand his own value as a scientist and not just a container for the heavy hitter.
* * *
Notes:
Articulating observations is an important skill both in science and interpersonal communication. There are exercises for practicing this. People need to understand how to express their thoughts and emotions. It also helps for members of a group to articulate their strengths together. You can see how Bruce and Hulk have divided the traits of different emotional types between them, which affects how they express themselves.
A buffer keeps a system close to a particular level, usually near neutral, preventing large or fast changes from wreaking havoc. This is what Steve has: likely one of the final refinements to the super-soldier serum so that it doesn't magnify altogether blind, but gently inclines toward a healthy balance. Alexithymia is a condition of diminished emotional response that can lead to disengagement, like a buffer gone overboard. This is what happened to Natasha as a result of her early training/torture. Bruce and Hulk aren't much farther along: Bruce has minimal access and understanding of emotions, while Hulk gravitates toward anger.
Dr. Erskine's description of how the serum works is from Captain America: "The serum amplifies everything that is inside, so good becomes great; bad becomes worse."
General Ross is a bad officer, who handpicks the kind of bad soldiers that will eagerly follow illegal and immoral orders. Bad officers can make bad soldiers, and conversely, drive away good ones. Contrast this with Captain America's far more nuanced and moral leadership. There are ways to discharge bad soldiers. Organizational methods are preferable to fragging.
Phil thinks in terms of what makes a person a monster: evil behavior. Being right and good isn't always about appearance or social authority; consider Quasimodo and Frollo. Many monstrous aspects run throughout humanity. The relationship between creator and creation -- including parents and children -- also plays a crucial role. This is where Bruce's dysfunctional relationship with Hulk, and their mutual experience of child abuse, really shows up. But at least Bruce is finally starting to come away from counting Hulk as a monster.
Heroes are the counterpoints, who act for the better when an opportunity arises. Soldiers and veterans are often heroes, but there are many others kinds too. Here's a worksheet about heroic traits. In the end, being a hero isn't about wearing a uniform, having big muscles, or charging into combat. It's about being the person -- regardless of your size, profession, or other characteristics -- who steps between someone else and trouble.
Browse some remedies for amnesia. There's not a lot that can be done for it, but every little bit helps, and supporting the brain in general is a good thing.
Isolation is a key form of abuse. It gives the abuser control, opportunities to work unobserved and free of outside interference. Notice that Director Fury used or ordered isolating tactics against almost all of the Avengers in canon, acting to cut them apart from potential support or escape as much as possible. This is really not okay, a major red flag in any kind of relationship, and a signal to leave.
People may feel reluctant to accept help for themselves or assistance in caring for others. Sometimes nobody asks and nobody offers even though both are willing. However, an exchange of support is a vital part of healthy relationships.
[To be continued in Part 24 ...]
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-02 06:29 am (UTC)*wants so badly to wrap up Bucky in some emotional bubblewrap and shield him* This is gonna get ugly, isn't it?
Thoughts
Date: 2013-06-03 09:19 am (UTC)Yay! Bruce will do anything to shore up his opinions about Hulk ... except violate the principles of logic and science.
>> I -know- he sees the Hulk as a monster, but it just kills me to hear him do it. :( <<
True. They've really torn each other apart, poor boys. They were so badly treated growing up, it's hard for them to understand how intimate relationships are supposed to work, how to treat themselves and other people gently. Bruce hates himself as much as Hulk, and is just starting to find his way out of that mess. Hulk has the advantage of much greater emotional fluency, and he's never really hated Bruce -- but Bruce scares the hell out of him sometimes.
>> *wants so badly to wrap up Bucky in some emotional bubblewrap and shield him* <<
That's not far from what the team is trying to do, as best they can. Bandage the raw spots and give him time to heal.
>> This is gonna get ugly, isn't it? <<
Well, yes. That much physical and psychological torture does a lot of damage and will continue to cause problems for quite a while. But at least Bucky has a great support network to get him through it and cushion the shock. That makes a big difference.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-02 06:30 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2013-06-03 05:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-02 10:36 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2013-06-03 07:25 pm (UTC)Sooth. That's a vital type of intimacy for people like these, who deal in secrets that can destroy lives and worlds if handled carelessly. As with Tony and Bucky, here Bruce and Phil are trying to maintain a balance in the weight of what they give and receive, even though the process can be painfully awkward.
>> Phil only looks more open, he knows that some of he information he has on the Avengers can be used against them so his is actually very quiet about it. <<
Phil is stealthy, discreet, and devastatingly loyal. At this stage, his loyalty is in flux and that makes matters challenging. It's shifting from SHIELD toward the Avengers. You'll see some serious exploration of that later in this story. Phil is utterly determined not to let anyone hurt his people ... including themselves.
Hulk
Date: 2013-06-02 04:53 pm (UTC)Re: Hulk
Date: 2013-06-04 03:53 am (UTC)Yes -- partly because the examples are starting to stack up higher than Bruce can ignore, and partly because Steve and the other Avengers are figuring out that the one kind of cluehammer a scientist won't duck away from is made of information.
>> He may not be completely there yet, but considering where he was in "Splash"/"Coming Around" that's tremendous progress. <<
True. Bruce is still a few kernel errors short of a corncob, but he's headed in the right direction. There are more highlights from his continuing growth over the course of this story.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-02 05:22 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2013-06-03 06:28 am (UTC)Yes. Like Clint, Bruce has a lot of skin-hunger but his past has made him skittish. So he needs to work up to it, especially when he feels stressed about something. Phil is patient about giving Bruce chances, not trying to rush him, but also not letting him run away and miserate on his own anymore.
>> Great show of trust here, both with this gesture, and with the conversation and Bruce sharing Erskine's secret. <<
In this group, touch and secrets are primary means of communicating trust. Everyone has been hurt by mishandling of those things, so they pretty much only offer to their intimates now.
I always figured that the army knew fuckall about what Erskine was really doing. They probably found out about it and assumed it was what they wanted it to be, rather than what it was. I don't think he would've lied to them, but he probably got tired of trying to explain to people who'd already made up their minds. And then there was Steve, open as a barn door, so of course the whole story came spilling out. It took Steve a while to realize how much he was holding that nobody else had, and decide what to do with that. This is a hint about that process.
>> Phil did a great job reminding him that he was like the three others in his reaction to the serum. <<
*chuckle* Well, Bruce really set himself up for that one. All Phil did was point out the boundary of the set.
>> Great chapter :) ! <<
Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-02 10:58 pm (UTC)I can't help but wonder, though, based on the analysis, what a serum-enhanced Phil Coulson would be like? ;)
--Carikate
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-03 05:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-03 05:55 am (UTC)I have seen one other fic where Phil was dosed with a version of the serum as a young child, and that was what enabled him to survive when Loki stabbed him, but there just isn't enough serum!Phil out there.
-KellyC
Yes...
Date: 2013-06-06 01:07 am (UTC)*laugh*
Date: 2013-06-04 07:07 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2013-06-04 06:48 am (UTC)I'm glad you liked that. There's enough info and examples in canon to make some fun extrapolations.
>> And, as usual, excellent writing. I truly envy your ability with dialogue.<<
Thanks. I've been writing for decades, so that helps, although I've done more poetry than fiction. Fanfic makes it easy because I can mimic almost anything given a good sample, and these characters have very distinct voices.
>> I can't help but wonder, though, based on the analysis, what a serum-enhanced Phil Coulson would be like? ;) <<
I think it would depend on which version. His strongest affinity is for Steve, so the original version should put him into a similar state.
But Phil also has far more of an internal good cop/bad cop division than Steve -- more like Bruce. Put Phil in the same situation as Bruce, and I think he'd have an alter form; but he's more calm to begin with, so the shear probably wouldn't be as bad. Of course, if somebody shot at Hulk!Coulson, I don't think General Ross would be walking away from that fight. Bruce-and-Hulk don't really have a killer instinct. This is not a limitation for Agent Coulson.
Man, can you imagine the look on Loki's face if he'd stabbed Coulson and the guy hulked out on him? Priceless.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-17 12:57 pm (UTC)i think you are extra extra great at articulating observations about emotions and how people work and learn nad relate especially! its something i find is really hard but in fiction like this its really helpful for me because it has feelings (which i am bad at) and words (which i am good at) so i can use the words to learn more. learning feelings is still hard but it's a bit less hard i think this way? anyway i find it helpful and i wanted to say thanks more.
there was a link a few chaps back to http://www.lisamhayes.com/leaning-into-intimacy-without-falling.php and i thought it was interesting. i think your link words made me assume it was about emotional vulnerability, or maybe i just read wrong and assumed it, but it is about this person who hurts her leg and gets physicallly vulnerable. and since i am learning that maybe my trouble with emotional intimacy is because i have so much forced/no-choice physical vulnerability stuff it was very spot on!
Thoughts
Date: 2013-06-24 07:16 pm (UTC)Thank you! I'm glad that works for you.
>> its something i find is really hard but in fiction like this its really helpful for me because it has feelings (which i am bad at) and words (which i am good at) so i can use the words to learn more. <<
You sound like Bruce. He's dealing with a similar challenge, so that may contribute to the effect for you.
>> learning feelings is still hard but it's a bit less hard i think this way? anyway i find it helpful and i wanted to say thanks more. <<
Yay! There will be more emotional work as the series progresses.
>>there was a link a few chaps back to http://www.lisamhayes.com/leaning-into-intimacy-without-falling.php and i thought it was interesting.<<
Cool!
>> i think your link words made me assume it was about emotional vulnerability, or maybe i just read wrong and assumed it, but it is about this person who hurts her leg and gets physically vulnerable. <<
That physical vulnerability made her feel emotionally vulnerable too. This is a common, if subtle, effect.
>> and since i am learning that maybe my trouble with emotional intimacy is because i have so much forced/no-choice physical vulnerability stuff it was very spot on! <<
I can see how that would create an uncomfortable imbalance for you.
If you have a lot of physical vulnerability, then look for opportunities where you have -- or can create -- a different balance in emotional vulnerability. You might consider exploring power exchange with someone you trust. This is often done with a physical aspect but it does not have to be. You can control someone with your voice alone -- or even text online. (There have been communities where virtual kink is very popular.) It's like the difference between lifting a rock by hand or lifting it with rope and pulleys: brute force vs. wits and leverage. Look for situations where minimum effort gains you maximum effect. You may find that the emotional intimacy comes more naturally when you are the one in charge, focused on shaping the other person, rather than trying to protect yourself from too much exposure.
If you're not into power exchange, consider running a roleplaying game. They come in all flavors, the game master is basically god, you get a lot of social interaction, and it "seems" physical because you're describing character actions. A few games are even focused on emotions in some way. I think there are some dating ones, although I don't have those. Games with a "social" or "civilization" focus like World Tree are great for this. But my go-to game for personal growth is Dead Inside.
Really, any situation that puts you in control should help. It's not good for people to be too far toward one end of the power structure all the time. We need balance in our lives -- even those of us who are strongly dominant or submissive by nature need to explore the other side. If circumstances push one way or the other, it's important to compensate. This is why lots of people whose day job is boss like to roleplay (sexually or nonsexually) a lower role, while people in less powerful positions like to take the reins in recreation.
Getting back to the story at hand, it's a key factor that attracts Tony to game night. His public persona and superhero person have to be very assertive and solve problems a lot. With Uncle Phil, little-Tony is learning how not to be in charge, that someone will take good care of him instead of ignoring him or yelling at him.
Steve has a similar feeling. He's the biggest of the littles but Uncle Phil still looks after him, and for Steve that feels good. Steve seems to be happiest in the middle: in charge of a team, but with someone else to give the team a goal. This is true of many military personnel.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-07-03 03:00 am (UTC)*shudders* Diving into the psycho general's brain, what *fun.*
Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 03:02 am (UTC)Gee, maybe you shouldn't make him angry.
(no subject)
Date: 2023-08-11 01:38 am (UTC)Well ...
Date: 2023-08-11 10:37 am (UTC)The original version isn't quite like the others, which are all secondhand iterations. Based on Erskine's description, it's a polyoptimizing magnifier. That's not actually something they could've used more than a handful of times, due to lack of proper candidates. "Good becomes great, bad becomes worse."
>> Bruce intended to bring himself into completeness and gained his other half, and Natasha's sheer ability to survive seems like something a doctor might have brewed the serum with (let these little girls live and thrive; I can't escape the Red Room but maybe they can).<<
These are fragments of what was once a cohesive whole, elegant in function when properly used. But it still has the same underlying nature -- it enhances and magnifies. They just have more problems thrown in. It's always been responsive to its user.