ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," and "Birthday Girl."

Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Nick Fury.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mind control. Inferences of past child abuse and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: A mission in Russia introduces the Avengers to the Winter Soldier. Steve wants Bucky back and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Everyone else helps however they can.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. BAMF!Avengers. Bucky!whump. Vulgar language. Drama. Rescue. Hurt/Comfort. Emotional whump. Survivor guilt. Friendship. Confusion. Mind control. Memory loss. Slow recovery. Nick Fury makes stupid-ass decisions. Fear of loss. Arc reactor. Fluff. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Tony Stark has a heart. Games. Trust issues. Safety and security. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Obadiah Stane's A+ parenting. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Sleep issues. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Personal growth. Family of choice. ALL THE FEELS. #coulsonlives.

Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35.  Skip to Part 38, Part 39, Part 40, Part 41.


"No Winter Lasts Forever" Part 36


"Bucky, we have a three-day limit on going without sleep, outside of emergencies. It's a house rule," Phil said. They'd actually set that one because of Tony, whose traumatic history and lack of circadian rhythm sometimes led to the kind of insomniac engineering that ended with laboratory fires. "You're into your fourth day awake. We've given you all the time we safely can and then a little extra. Work with me here. We need to find a way of getting you some sleep that won't break you."

"I know, I know," Bucky said. He shook his head as if trying to clear water from his ears. "I just -- can't. Every time I try to think about options, I keep flashing back on the damn cryochamber. And now you're all staring at me and that is not helping."

"Okay, that at least I can fix," Bruce said gently. He stood up and held out a hand. "Come on, let's sit in the kitchen for a while, just you and me. Maybe we can think of something else. I'm tired too. I have trouble sleeping some nights but the Other Guy isn't very fond of ordinary sleep aids, so I have to get more creative. Maybe one of the things I do for myself would work for you."

Bucky looked at him with bleary eyes and then took his hand. "Fine."

Bruce pulled Bucky effortlessly to his feet, saying, "Up you go."

"You're stronger than you look," Bucky said as they headed for the kitchen.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Bruce replied. Phil noted that he kept a hand discreetly near Bucky in case of stumbles.

Steve slumped forward and buried his face in his hands. "I hate this," he said.

"So do I," Phil said, laying a hand on his shoulder. Steve leaned into the touch.

"We all do," Natasha said, "but if we pressure Bucky now, we might lose all chance of getting him into anything approaching normal sleep. He's got enough fodder for insomnia and nightmares without adding to that."

"I really hope Bruce can pull a rabbit out of his hat this time," Steve said.

"Trust him," Phil said. "He knows what he's doing. Now that Bucky's tired enough to listen instead of arguing, they should manage to figure something out."

"It's only been a few days, but I'm worn out too. I feel like I haven't slept in a week," Steve said.

"You can tap out if you need to, Steve. Would you like to go to bed? We'll look after Bucky," Phil offered, though honestly he felt the same way. It seemed like such a very long time. He had done things like this before, though, had experience that Steve didn't. Phil had lost assets to traumatic brain injury, and just once, gotten somebody partway past it. He'd sat up with Clint and Natasha through their first restless nights at SHIELD. Phil could cope.

Steve shook his head. "No, I need to see this through."

"All right, then," Phil said. Steve would learn about the importance of teamwork in taking care of someone; pushing him wouldn't help. Meanwhile Phil kept an eye on the door but did not access the security feed from the kitchen. Bucky needed a little privacy, and besides, JARVIS would sound an alert if anything bad happened. The minutes crawled by like five-legged ants.

"It's been an hour," Steve said eventually. "Could we at least ... check on them?"

"I'll come with you," Phil said, and led the way to the kitchen. What he saw made him stop still in the doorway, and Steve ran into him, knocking him over the threshold.

"Whoops, sorry ... what?" Steve stammered.

Bucky was asleep on the table, raspy snores spilling from his open mouth. Bruce sprawled over the other side of the table, one hand still curled around a thick tougher-than-ceramic coffee cup. He had his head pillowed on his arm, drooling on his sleeve. Between them, Natasha's antique silver samovar steamed gently alongside an empty jar of triple-citrus marmalade. The steam smelled of fresh-mown hay with a faint metallic note underneath.

Bruce roused at their approach. He blinked at them in slow motion. "Mission ... 'complished," he said with a lazy grin, tipping a thumb toward the slumbering soldier.

"What did you do to him?" Steve demanded as he pushed his way into the kitchen and hurried to Bucky's side.

"You hit him with the nightstick?" Natasha said in a scandalized tone, coming up behind Phil. Tony and Clint followed her, and then Betty.

"Night ... cap," Bruce enunciated meticulously. "Was just gonna make one cup each, but ... his appetite's bigger ... an' he wanted me to match'im."

Phil picked up the canister of loose-leaf tea labeled with Bruce's distinctive scrawl. The first several ingredients were in English -- chamomile, catnip, lemon balm, skullcap, passion flower, hops, lavender, licorice, cocoa, and valerian -- followed by a few more lines in Latin, Portuguese, and what looked like Hindi. A bright green teddy bear in a whimsical purple nightcap had been drawn on the label with markers.

"Bruce, do you realize that Bucky may never forgive you for this?" Phil asked.

"Nat did," Bruce mumbled. "Sides, told'im it's what I drink ... when I can't sleep. S'fair warning."

Phil stared at Natasha. It was hard to believe she ever touched the stuff. She hated chemical alterations to her body state even more than Clint did, with sadly valid reasons. Phil had seen her turn down painkillers with her shinbone poking through her skin, until the shabby village doctor wanted to bean her with a frying pan. If she couldn't sleep, she wore herself out training. What could possibly ...? Phil wondered.

Natasha glared at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "That week," she said. "Toward the end I might have gotten ... rather desperate."

The week they thought I was dead, Phil realized. Damn Fury, for putting her in that much pain. He laid a gentle hand on Natasha's shoulder. "It's perfectly understandable," he said aloud. "I'm glad Bruce was there for you."

* * *

Notes:

The safe limit for going without sleep is about three to four days. Some people can go a week, and the record is eleven days, but that's far beyond when people are really cognitive. Lab animals die of sleep deprivation around ten to fourteen days.

Flashbacks can be a dissociative symptom, in this case impairing Bucky's attempt at problem-solving for his insomnia. This is one way that PTSD interferes with relationships.

Steve and Phil are skirting early signs of caretaker burnout. There are ways of coping with this and taking care of yourself.

A samovar is an elegant kitchen tool for making hot beverages. Natasha's looks similar to this.

Russians like very strong tea which is cut with jam. You can tell that Natasha and Bruce have been sharing because he's picked up the habit from her, and she's given him permission to use her equipment because he's not the kind of person to do so otherwise. Triple-citrus marmalade is real; you can buy it or make your own.

The Nightstick tea blend is somewhat inspired by other insomnia teas, along with other herbal resources. A heavy version is Nighttime Knockout. A milder version is Sleepytime. What Bruce assembled is nothing like a one-trick pony, but rather a complex web of direct sedatives and indirect sleep aids, stress relievers, anxiety remedies, and adaptogens. This removes a great many barriers to peaceful sleep along with giving a firm but not harsh push in that direction. Enough of the effects stack that even Hulk's metabolism can't wash them all out instantly -- and this recipe is probably the first thing that Bruce-and-Hulk actually collaborated on out of sheer desperation until they found something mutually agreeable.  

The specific herbs in order of descending proportion are: chamomile, catnip, lemon balm, skullcap, passion flower, hops, lavender, licorice, cocoa (specifically cocoa nibs), and valerian. The top three keep the flavor palatable, although nothing is going to kill the bitter notes from the other herbs.  Yes, combinations often work when a simple won't, and some people who don't respond well to pharmaceuticals will respond better to herbs (and vice versa).

Emotional pain can hurt more than physical pain. Natasha was completely blindsided by how much Phil's "death" hurt her, because she doesn't feel much most of the time and thus had no other coping skills. Insomnia is just one of many effects of grief. There are steps to recover from grief and to help someone who is grieving. Fortunately the Avengers had each other to lean on during that week, and Bruce was the one who took the least damage from Fury's sadistic trick, so he was able to help the ones who took direct hits.


[To be continued in Part 37 ...]

THIS!

Date: 2013-06-15 06:46 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I absolutely adore that Natasha calls it the NightStick, because, if it can get Bruce-and-Hulk to sleep, yeah, it deserves the name.

Ohh, Fury, you are in so much trouble, you little troll! Please, can we see someone smack him with his comeuppance soon? Every time I think I have calmed down about him, something brings up my burning loathing for the man.

Another awesome update.

-kellyc

(no subject)

Date: 2013-06-15 06:58 am (UTC)
pinkhairedharry: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pinkhairedharry
Dear lord, Bruce I'm not sure if that was a good or bad thing to do. bad because you pretty much just drugged the shit out Bucky without informed consent but good because he really does need to sleep.

Re: Thoughts

Date: 2023-08-11 02:41 am (UTC)
pinkrangerv: White Hispanic female, with brown hair, light skin, and green eyes, against a background of blue arcane symbols (Default)
From: [personal profile] pinkrangerv
Giving Bucky as much warning as he could process, then letting him taste the tea himself and judge the amount (with supervision so nothing went wrong) actually is one of the better ways to handle a problem like this--sometimes people CAN'T really have full informed consent (like sleep deprivation or trauma), so letting them take the lead mitigates the damage, and you can't really avoid treatment without something worse happening.

It helps that Bucky knows Bruce, knows Bruce is a medic, and most importantly knows Bruce is ONLY going this far out of valid concerns for safety--and Bruce immediately apologizes and talks it out with him. Too often in medical settings, no one ever says 'even if none of us had a choice, I'm sorry that had to happen, let's see if we can make you more comfortable now that you're more aware'. A large part of dealing with consent issues is just being aware that sometimes there's no good choice, but you still have to apologize and fix what you can later.

Re: Thoughts

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Re: Thoughts

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(no subject)

Date: 2013-06-16 12:24 am (UTC)
gingicat: deep purple lilacs, some buds, some open (Default)
From: [personal profile] gingicat
Browngirl and I were noting, tonight, that neither Steve nor Bucky have Brooklyn accents. Sharing with you in case you feel like playing around with it.

As for Bruce giving Bucky a Mickey Finn... very curious to see what the morning brings.

(no subject)

Date: 2013-06-16 04:14 am (UTC)
thnidu: painting: a girl pulling a red wagon piled with books almost to her own height along a sidewalk (books)
From: [personal profile] thnidu
Hee, that brings up an unrelated memory. "My name... is Michael Finn."

(and I got this icon from you!)

Re: *laugh*

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Re: *laugh*

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(no subject)

Date: 2013-06-16 04:16 am (UTC)
thnidu: winged staff with two serpents coiled around it (caduceus)
From: [personal profile] thnidu
Well, I think Bruce done good here! And I hope, and more than half expect, that Bucky will agree, though perhaps only half-willingly at first.

I didn't understand Natasha's "nightstick" line till I read your note.

I love "The minutes crawled by like five-legged ants."

To-pos Typos:

so I have ^ get more creative
^ to

nothing is going the kill the bitter notes
the kill → to kill
Edited Date: 2013-06-16 04:18 am (UTC)

Re: Thank you!

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Re: Thank you!

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(no subject)

Date: 2013-09-10 12:36 pm (UTC)
natf: (Default)
From: [personal profile] natf
Yeah, I am glad for the notes because, to me (my culture, etc.), nightstick == truncheon.

Re: Well...

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(no subject)

Date: 2013-06-16 05:59 am (UTC)
silverblaze85: (Default)
From: [personal profile] silverblaze85
Oh, I'm going to have to try this Nightstick stuff! Nothing worse than knowing you need sleep, but your body and/or brain being like "Nope, nu-uh, not sleeping, let's play!"

I'm kind of torn on this one. I'm so very, very glad that Bruce got Bucky to crash, and he did warn Bucky that it knocks Bruce out, so it's not his fault, but given Bucky's issues, I would empathize with Bucky if he felt betrayed in this scenario. But.... the boy needed sleep. And poor Natasha... Fury really is a ruthless little bug, isn't he? :(

Re: Thoughts

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(no subject)

Date: 2013-09-10 12:43 pm (UTC)
natf: (Default)
From: [personal profile] natf
I too need to look for some kind of nightstick makes-me-sleep-NOW tea. I am like Ysabet writes Tony in that I cold stay awake doing things (knitting, reading, writing, playing WoW) for days on end if not for the MS fatigue that sometimes makes me narcoleptic. It would be nice to be able to regulate *when* I sleep. We have determined that my circadian "day" is more like 36 hours than 24.
Edited Date: 2013-09-10 12:44 pm (UTC)

Re: Try this...

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Re: Try this...

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(no subject)

Date: 2013-06-16 11:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] antivol.livejournal.com
I love it when Bruce explains that he gave Bucky a "fair warning" (and I agree with him - stuff than can put the Hulk to sleep must be rather strong!)
Totally feeling Natasha's anguish here, thinking of that week when they believed Coulson was dead. I agree with you that emotional pain can be so much worse. It can make you want to die. Sometimes you may want to die from physical pain too, but usually it's not for real, you'd like to be ressucitated after the pain is gone!
Ad thanks for another great chapter!

(no subject)

Date: 2013-06-17 06:12 am (UTC)
brushwolf: Icon created by ScaperDeage on DeviantArt (Default)
From: [personal profile] brushwolf
Samovars are awesome! My great-uncle's family used to have one that had been brought over when that chunk of family came to the USA, but I only got to actually drink tea from one relatively recently. I'd have figured that anyone drinking tea for the purposes of knocking themselves out with herbal teas would try drinking the super-saturated stuff from the top little portion (I've been told doing that with black tea is a good way to give yourself heart palpitations) - but that gets into the question of just how much Bucky wanted to knock himself out no?

Re: Thoughts

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(no subject)

Date: 2013-06-18 02:38 pm (UTC)
redsixwing: A red knotwork emblem. (Default)
From: [personal profile] redsixwing
This comment thread is wonderful. Tea, linguistics, and excellent fic, all in one place.

Whoof. I hope Valerian works better on Bruce-and-Hulk and Bucky than it works on me. It'll knock me out, all right, but I wake up every bit as tired as I was when I went down. I avoid it now.

I was laughing aloud as I read the list of herbs, and it sounds like Bucky drank enough to knock out a horse.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-06-25 03:53 am (UTC)
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
From: [personal profile] zeeth_kyrah
I'd caution on herbal supplements and suggest researching them before taking large doses. Skullcap appears to have psychotropic effects, and may act as a nervous system depressant (like alcohol, which can cause insomnia with prolonged use, a potential side effect of skullcap overdose), and valerian is a muscle relaxant (which can cause heart murmurs and other muscle problems if one overdoses). I know Bruce/Hulk and Bucky are very resilient, but Bruce would know to be careful about dosage, and would probably try to find sources with reliable product averages (the amount of active chemicals in the herb).

Also, I've found an NIH study suggesting that turmeric, known as a liver and body cleanser, can be used to treat arthritis pain (osteo and rheumatoid), and is also comparable to Prozac in terms of its anti-depressant effects; it is currently being studied for Alzheimer's treatment. This is due to curcumin, the chemical that gives turmeric its yellow color. You can find turmeric in yellow mustard and in curry powder; it's a common and sacred spice in India, so I'm sure Bruce would know about it.

Re: Yes...

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Sleep Dep

Date: 2016-11-12 10:32 pm (UTC)
bunnylane74: (Default)
From: [personal profile] bunnylane74
My record for going without sleep is one week. Had no choice at the time it was either stay up to finish papers, and exams after a week at home being my father's donor, or fail out of college. I managed to stay coherent in class, give the presentation, pass with a's and b's. And then managed an extra two hours until my mother and great aunt came to pick me up. And then I collapsed like a sack of rice. They had to call my uncle to pick me up and carry me into the apartment, and I was unconscious for two days. I'm told it worried my mother so much that she kept putting a mirror under my nose just to be sure I was alive.

Re: Sleep Dep

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ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
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