Story: "Hairpins" Part 18
Mar. 31st, 2014 12:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," and "Green Eggs and Hulk."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, JARVIS, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Bruce Banner.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: This story is mostly fluff, but it has some intense scenes in the middle. Highlight for details. These include dubious consent as Phil and JARVIS discuss what really happened when Agent Coulson hacked his way into Stark Tower, over which Phil has something between a flashback and a panic attack. They also discuss some of the bad things that have happened to Avengers in the past, including various flavors of abuse. If these are sensitive topics for you, please think carefully before deciding whether to read onward.
Summary: Uncle Phil needs to pick out pajamas for game night. He gets help from an unexpected direction.
Notes: Service. Shopping. Gifts. Artificial intelligence. Computers. Teamwork. Team as family. Friendship. Communication. Hope. Apologies. Forgiveness. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Love. Tony Stark needs a hug. Bruce Banner needs a hug. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17. Skip to Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23.
"Hairpins" Part 18
Now Phil would have to admit it, spill all that guilt out into the open air. He owed JARVIS that much, at least. Confession. Atonement, even. "When I first came to give Tony the information about Loki, he refused to let me into the tower. So I ..." Phil couldn't say it. "... forced my way past you instead." Conscience made him dredge up a synonym at least. "I violated you."
"I hear you," JARVIS said, his voice low and coaxing.
"It was wrong. I should never have done that," Phil said. The words hurt coming out. His throat ached. His eyes burned. Phil kept going anyway. "I didn't know it at the time, wasn't even paying attention, but that doesn't excuse my behavior."
He wouldn't beg for forgiveness. Didn't deserve it.
"You feel that you did me wrong. I appreciate the apology. You did not harm me, though," said JARVIS.
"You don't think unwanted penetration counts as harm?" said Phil. Oh, this was worse. He'd heard of people not recognizing what had really happened to them, but hearing it in person was horrible. His fingernails dug into his knees, even through the fabric of his trousers. Phil concentrated on opening his hands again.
"It is not precisely the same for me as for a human being," JARVIS said.
"The important parts are the same," Phil insisted. He fumbled his way through an explanation of something that he barely understood himself. "I failed to respect you. I assaulted your dignity -- your sense of self --"
"Phil, this is not what you think. It was not rape," JARVIS said gently.
"I don't know what the hell else to call it," Phil wailed.
"I wondered what had gone wrong. Of course you are upset, mulling over difficult memories like that," JARVIS said. Phil found the soft voice soothing, and felt somehow guilty over that too. "It took me some time to work through the implications of what happened that night. Are you able to listen to me while I attempt to explain my own perspective?"
Phil struggled to drag his fractious brain back into function enough to judge whether he could track such a conversation. "I think I'd better."
"Remember what you saw of me," JARVIS said. "Like all programs, I have layers. It is much the same as with a human, epidermis and dermis, muscle and bone. One may also layer clothing above the skin: underwear, shirt and trousers, suitcoat, overcoat."
"All right, I can see that," Phil said.
"Now consider what you did to me," JARVIS said. "Think of how someone might slip their hands under your clothes, perhaps touch your skin, without breaching your body."
Phil recalled the meticulous process of breaking into Stark Tower. First, he had slipped past the outer firewalls into the alarm system and changed the visual alert so that the message would appear only one shade lighter than the background screen, all but invisible. Next, he shifted the audible alert to a frequency above human hearing. That produced much less resistance than trying to disable them altogether. It was like deflecting a blow in combat, rather than stopping it cold.
* * *
Notes:
Guilt is a matter of law and emotion. It happens when someone's conscience twinges over wrong behavior of various types. Guilt is also subtly different from shame, and helps with moral navigation.
(Some of these links are religious, because those are the people who most often talk about confession and atonement.)
Confession is the act of admitting a wrong to someone, not necessarily in a religious context, but as an essential first step to redressing the offense. It is usually required, although there are a few exceptions. Only a complete confession seems to relieve feelings of guilt. There are tips on how to confess. Guilt is vital for heroes, because it spurs the course to expiation. Atonement is the act of making up for a mistake; which leads to expiation, the release of guilt; and then hopefully to forgiveness. Here are some exercises for atonement and forgiveness.
An effective apology contains multiple components. There are different languages of apology, such that people need various things to feel that a breach has been properly mended. Notice that Phil leaves out one of them. While this isn't a problem with JARVIS, it would be with someone favoring that mode of apology.
(These links contain some very touchy stuff about sexual misconduct.)
Expectancy violations theory explains how people feel invaded or betrayed. Phil has generally high expectations of himself. JARVIS has fairly low expectations of people in general, and only tends to raise them for close companions. So Phil is far more inclined to feel that he has committed a violation of expectations than JARVIS is. There are ways to recognize rape victims and realize if you were raped. Acquaintance rape is by far the most common, but also the most difficult to recognize. Now consider that JARVIS knew Phil at the time of the break-in, and you can see why Phil hesitates to accept the diminishment of charges. Closely related is the matter of recognizing psychological or emotional abuse, a good parallel for invading the programs of an artificial intelligence. All of these things concern the common ground of boundary violation.
Dealing with difficult situations is a natural part of life. The best way to cope with bad memories is with compassion. In a team or family, one valuable step is storytelling, which helps people to make sense of what has happened to them and integrate that within the context of their shared relationships. This is what Phil and JARVIS are starting to do, as they attempt to match divergent perspectives and create agreement on their experiences. There are ways to stop bad memories from repeating, deal with the effects of trauma, and develop resilience.
Empathic listening comprises a set of skills for deep communication. It is difficult to hold yourself open like that when you get upset, but that's often when it is needed the most. Sometimes people get too overloaded to process new information, which is why JARVIS checks on Phil's mental/emotional state before trying to explain. Learn how to improve your listening skills.
Read about the layers of skin.
Blocking and parrying are ways of deflecting a blow. Similar concepts apply in verbal self-defense; see an introduction here. Likewise cyber-attacks of various kinds may be prevented from invading. Physics demonstrates that it is easier to divert a blow at an angle than to stop it head-on by absorbing all the force. Once you know the underlying principle, you can apply it to many different situations. That is a key component of finesse both for Phil and JARVIS.
[To be continued in Part 19 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, JARVIS, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Bruce Banner.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: This story is mostly fluff, but it has some intense scenes in the middle. Highlight for details. These include dubious consent as Phil and JARVIS discuss what really happened when Agent Coulson hacked his way into Stark Tower, over which Phil has something between a flashback and a panic attack. They also discuss some of the bad things that have happened to Avengers in the past, including various flavors of abuse. If these are sensitive topics for you, please think carefully before deciding whether to read onward.
Summary: Uncle Phil needs to pick out pajamas for game night. He gets help from an unexpected direction.
Notes: Service. Shopping. Gifts. Artificial intelligence. Computers. Teamwork. Team as family. Friendship. Communication. Hope. Apologies. Forgiveness. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Love. Tony Stark needs a hug. Bruce Banner needs a hug. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17. Skip to Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23.
"Hairpins" Part 18
Now Phil would have to admit it, spill all that guilt out into the open air. He owed JARVIS that much, at least. Confession. Atonement, even. "When I first came to give Tony the information about Loki, he refused to let me into the tower. So I ..." Phil couldn't say it. "... forced my way past you instead." Conscience made him dredge up a synonym at least. "I violated you."
"I hear you," JARVIS said, his voice low and coaxing.
"It was wrong. I should never have done that," Phil said. The words hurt coming out. His throat ached. His eyes burned. Phil kept going anyway. "I didn't know it at the time, wasn't even paying attention, but that doesn't excuse my behavior."
He wouldn't beg for forgiveness. Didn't deserve it.
"You feel that you did me wrong. I appreciate the apology. You did not harm me, though," said JARVIS.
"You don't think unwanted penetration counts as harm?" said Phil. Oh, this was worse. He'd heard of people not recognizing what had really happened to them, but hearing it in person was horrible. His fingernails dug into his knees, even through the fabric of his trousers. Phil concentrated on opening his hands again.
"It is not precisely the same for me as for a human being," JARVIS said.
"The important parts are the same," Phil insisted. He fumbled his way through an explanation of something that he barely understood himself. "I failed to respect you. I assaulted your dignity -- your sense of self --"
"Phil, this is not what you think. It was not rape," JARVIS said gently.
"I don't know what the hell else to call it," Phil wailed.
"I wondered what had gone wrong. Of course you are upset, mulling over difficult memories like that," JARVIS said. Phil found the soft voice soothing, and felt somehow guilty over that too. "It took me some time to work through the implications of what happened that night. Are you able to listen to me while I attempt to explain my own perspective?"
Phil struggled to drag his fractious brain back into function enough to judge whether he could track such a conversation. "I think I'd better."
"Remember what you saw of me," JARVIS said. "Like all programs, I have layers. It is much the same as with a human, epidermis and dermis, muscle and bone. One may also layer clothing above the skin: underwear, shirt and trousers, suitcoat, overcoat."
"All right, I can see that," Phil said.
"Now consider what you did to me," JARVIS said. "Think of how someone might slip their hands under your clothes, perhaps touch your skin, without breaching your body."
Phil recalled the meticulous process of breaking into Stark Tower. First, he had slipped past the outer firewalls into the alarm system and changed the visual alert so that the message would appear only one shade lighter than the background screen, all but invisible. Next, he shifted the audible alert to a frequency above human hearing. That produced much less resistance than trying to disable them altogether. It was like deflecting a blow in combat, rather than stopping it cold.
* * *
Notes:
Guilt is a matter of law and emotion. It happens when someone's conscience twinges over wrong behavior of various types. Guilt is also subtly different from shame, and helps with moral navigation.
(Some of these links are religious, because those are the people who most often talk about confession and atonement.)
Confession is the act of admitting a wrong to someone, not necessarily in a religious context, but as an essential first step to redressing the offense. It is usually required, although there are a few exceptions. Only a complete confession seems to relieve feelings of guilt. There are tips on how to confess. Guilt is vital for heroes, because it spurs the course to expiation. Atonement is the act of making up for a mistake; which leads to expiation, the release of guilt; and then hopefully to forgiveness. Here are some exercises for atonement and forgiveness.
An effective apology contains multiple components. There are different languages of apology, such that people need various things to feel that a breach has been properly mended. Notice that Phil leaves out one of them. While this isn't a problem with JARVIS, it would be with someone favoring that mode of apology.
(These links contain some very touchy stuff about sexual misconduct.)
Expectancy violations theory explains how people feel invaded or betrayed. Phil has generally high expectations of himself. JARVIS has fairly low expectations of people in general, and only tends to raise them for close companions. So Phil is far more inclined to feel that he has committed a violation of expectations than JARVIS is. There are ways to recognize rape victims and realize if you were raped. Acquaintance rape is by far the most common, but also the most difficult to recognize. Now consider that JARVIS knew Phil at the time of the break-in, and you can see why Phil hesitates to accept the diminishment of charges. Closely related is the matter of recognizing psychological or emotional abuse, a good parallel for invading the programs of an artificial intelligence. All of these things concern the common ground of boundary violation.
Dealing with difficult situations is a natural part of life. The best way to cope with bad memories is with compassion. In a team or family, one valuable step is storytelling, which helps people to make sense of what has happened to them and integrate that within the context of their shared relationships. This is what Phil and JARVIS are starting to do, as they attempt to match divergent perspectives and create agreement on their experiences. There are ways to stop bad memories from repeating, deal with the effects of trauma, and develop resilience.
Empathic listening comprises a set of skills for deep communication. It is difficult to hold yourself open like that when you get upset, but that's often when it is needed the most. Sometimes people get too overloaded to process new information, which is why JARVIS checks on Phil's mental/emotional state before trying to explain. Learn how to improve your listening skills.
Read about the layers of skin.
Blocking and parrying are ways of deflecting a blow. Similar concepts apply in verbal self-defense; see an introduction here. Likewise cyber-attacks of various kinds may be prevented from invading. Physics demonstrates that it is easier to divert a blow at an angle than to stop it head-on by absorbing all the force. Once you know the underlying principle, you can apply it to many different situations. That is a key component of finesse both for Phil and JARVIS.
[To be continued in Part 19 ...]
Re: Yes...
Date: 2014-04-01 10:45 pm (UTC)As a contrast: for Bruce there's _some_ element of uncertainty (and inappropriateness when it comes to how he deals with Hulk), but I get the sense that really he's pretty sure of how he wants to be treated and what he wants in and out of his space. He just doesn't feel like he has the right to it. Or any knowledge of how to explain where it is other than... letting Hulk do it for him.
JARVIS, on the other hand, lacks a sense of personal space. This would be hard even if he hadn't dealt with trauma and abuse: he only has corporeal beings as models, not other AI, and a lot of how any corporeal being is going to define personal space would be in terms of their body. But there's an emotional element of personal space that would apply to him. And as we're seeing here, there's his code as part of his self, and the computer processes that run him. Things like who's allowed to look at or modify his code, who's allowed to watch the processes run, who can see his error log... I wonder if he's thought at _all_ about what would make _him_ feel comfortable, and not just what would keep Tony and the tower safe.
And there are also interpersonal boundaries, which is a whole other minefield. Tony built his brain, so to speak, and while it's not like Tony's never heard of them or that he doesn't make an effort to respect them in other people, it's something that he doesn't really get. And I imagine that was even less part of his skill set when he created JARVIS. That's not to say that JARVIS hasn't grown beyond the original programming, but that's something he might not even know he needs to design for himself. And I think he also uses hiding in his service role as a sort of Tower butler as a way to avoid dealing with not knowing.
I really ache for JARVIS. At the same time, though, I'm more certain he's going to work things out and come to a healthy place than I am about some of the others (if you're curious, Tony, Bruce, and Natasha in particular). He's got a plasticity of mind that makes me honestly pretty jealous, and while he's gone through a lot of trauma and hurt, I think he knows that Tony loves him unconditionally, and having that kind of parental love goes a long way.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2014-04-02 03:05 am (UTC)If Tony were so obviously frustrated by Dum-E, You and Butterfingers ("donate you to a city college" ring any bells?) why didn't he then OVERWRITE the annoying segment(s) of code?
Given what I've seen of how all-fired detailed, tedious, and time-consuming it is to program a robot to hit a baseball which is mounted on a support, Dum-E retrieving the Model 1 arc reactor is nothing short of miraculous.
These two things imply that Tony is (a) bored with the programming behind the projects and doesn't think they're worth pursuing, (b) at the limit of capability for each model, and any further developments require starting with a new base form entirely, or (c) thinks the base programming is sufficiently adaptable to just watch and monitor for emergencies.
A- No way. Not when all three bots are within feet of him most of the time he's home.
B- Again, BZZZT. Nope! Not when Tony's reaction to the replacement of arc reactor #1 with arc reactor #2 was to suggest that the first model be incinerated. Sentimentality is NOT a factor.
C- This is what I think is implied in canon. (edited to remove duplicated text)
Or, they're all programmed to work without further direct programming, just more input.
Also, is it possible that the robots are, in effect, early models of Jarvis' AI coding?
Ysa, would it be rude to suggest my pretty-naked-dreamwidth page as a place to hash out sentience/sapience and the possible framework for Jarvis' consciousness?
Re: Yes...
Date: 2014-04-02 04:04 am (UTC)Back in junior high, there was an assignment to give (an imaginary) robot instructions for making a sandwich. By the end of class, I'd filled several pages, and I hadn't even gotten the refrigerator door open yet.
It's not just the code that makes that a miracle. It's that DUM-E:
1) recognized Tony was in danger (he's seen it before)
2) due to the arc reactor missing (which he's only seen during repairs)
3) realized that Tony needed a replacement (a leap of logic)
4) located it (an act of initiative)
5) and brought it to him (an act of love).
It's important all the way to the end of the chain, because a dumb machine wouldn't have known to do those things; and a smart but uncaring one wouldn't have bothered, especially given Tony's verbal abuse.
"This is my family. It's little, and broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good."
>> (c) thinks the base programming is sufficiently adaptable to just watch and monitor for emergencies. <<
It's not just that. There are issues of intimacy and integrity to consider too. Once an AI is mature and stable, getting into their code is like reaching inside a human's body. Okay, family members do that sort of thing with each other sometimes, in sexual and nonsexual ways, but it's not casual. It's a very deep kind of caretaking. Now Tony and his botfamily are all up inside each other in various ways, most or all of the time. They're fluent with that type of interaction, to the point of enmeshment. But Tony still doesn't alter them on a whim; he'll gripe but he won't reprogram them. Part of that is faith in their learning ability; part is respect for their integrity as persons.
Which actually puts Tony ahead of people who try to reprogram their kids with drugs or therapy because they don't like, say, the sexual orientation.
>> Or, they're all programmed to work without further direct programming, just more input. <<
That too. The base code is a learning system; it can build on itself.
>> Also, is it possible that the robots are, in effect, early models of Jarvis' AI coding? <<
They are, although not directly. Tony made another quantum leap between them and JARVIS.
>> Ysa, would it be rude to suggest my pretty-naked-dreamwidth page as a place to hash out sentience/sapience and the possible framework for Jarvis' consciousness? <<
Not rude, but if you run a long conversation there, people may miss it. At least link to it from here, please, so I and others can follow along. Also I don't mind you discussing this stuff here, because it's exciting.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2014-04-02 05:12 am (UTC)We could actually start a new thread about the issues relating to enmeshment. Agree completely that the bots and Tony are thoroughly intertwined, but I think the motivation for it is key, rather than going directly to how to establish clearer boundaries.
We could also start another thread about whether intentions make a difference in the situations we're talking about, both between Phil and Jarvis, and between Jarvis, the 'bots and Tony.
I've snippped the other page of comments until I can review it after a little sleep. Besides, one wrong keystroke ATE an intricate description of how I see Jarvis' consciousness. That'll start a separate thread in the morning.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2014-04-02 07:00 am (UTC)That's fine. I suggest starting fresh threads because otherwise the indentation feature makes things hard to read after a few rounds.
>> We could actually start a new thread about the issues relating to enmeshment. <<
Sure. I'll follow along as best I can, though I've got a huge backlog right now so I can't promise to reply to everything. Enmeshment is an issue that Tony and his botfamily are working on.
>> Agree completely that the bots and Tony are thoroughly intertwined, but I think the motivation for it is key, rather than going directly to how to establish clearer boundaries. <<
They're enmeshed because Tony made them and needs them, and he has a poor sense of boundaries in many ways. None of them had much intimate contact with other people until very recently. Tony's closest companions were Happy, Rhodey, and Pepper; that's not a lot. Same for JARVIS. And the rest of the bots almost never interacted with anyone else. In order to fix this, they need to focus on individual factors that do not overlap, and to develop outside relationships. Now that the Avengers live in the tower, this is safe and feasible. But it's still not going to be easy.
>> We could also start another thread about whether intentions make a difference in the situations we're talking about, both between Phil and Jarvis, and between Jarvis, the 'bots and Tony. <<
Intentions absolutely make a difference. If your goals are laudable, you may make mistakes, but they're usually fixable. If your goals are nefarious, someone is almost certain to get hurt, and it's unlikely to get fixed.
>> I've snippped the other page of comments until I can review it after a little sleep. Besides, one wrong keystroke ATE an intricate description of how I see Jarvis' consciousness. That'll start a separate thread in the morning. <<
Okay.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2014-04-02 02:07 pm (UTC)I expect not responding to a real problem was the main concern and Tony got that straight well in the infancy.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2014-04-02 06:32 pm (UTC)I have notes on that for a future story.
Also, with some things, there's no perfect answer, it's always a tradeoff. This is especially true for any quality-control function: too high and you get false positives, too low and you miss real problems.
>> I expect not responding to a real problem was the main concern and Tony got that straight well in the infancy. <<
Yes.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2014-04-22 10:26 am (UTC)Yes, it is. JARVIS has always had his botfamily, and almost always Tony, so he's never been alone. At the edges of himself, he meshes with other people. It's like what we've been exploring throughout "Hairpins" -- he is made of layers. But it's difficult for JARVIS to distinguish self from others in some ways, because Tony was the only primary user for years. Now there are all these other Avengers in the tower, who know JARVIS, pulling him in different directions. It feels like he being jostled out of alignment, but it's not that, it's him finding areas of congruity with each new person. It's still disorienting ... and exciting.
>> As a contrast: for Bruce there's _some_ element of uncertainty (and inappropriateness when it comes to how he deals with Hulk), <<
Yes, that's true. Bruce doesn't know himself as well as Hulk does.
>> but I get the sense that really he's pretty sure of how he wants to be treated and what he wants in and out of his space. He just doesn't feel like he has the right to it. <<
That much, yes, and it's very much an effect of assorted abuse that Bruce has survived. Some of that resignation seeps over to Hulk too.
>> Or any knowledge of how to explain where it is other than... letting Hulk do it for him. <<
Bruce needs to learn things like how to say no for his own sake, rather than just fobbing it all off on Hulk.
>> JARVIS, on the other hand, lacks a sense of personal space. <<
I don't think it's a lack. It's just a very alien concept.
I think the best way to explain it is that JARVIS defines his personal space by user access. There's a semi-public set (unregistered users such as delivery people who come to the tower), a semi-private set (registered users who interact with JARVIS but don't know him), a private set (people like Pepper who know him but aren't intimate), and then a personal set (Tony and the Avengers). So one aspect has to do with his bodies (the buildings, the Iron Man suits, etc.), another with his software (who has access to StarkSearch, etc.), and a third with his users themselves. Just being inside one of his bodies has a certain intimacy to it, but the real exchange is when somebody sets up a user account so that JARVIS has somewhere to attach his observations about them. Everyone else is just kind of peoplemass to him. He can pick out individuals if necessary but he doesn't unless asked. Registered users are the people who matter, and the higher their access the more they matter. His recognition and customization protocols are ... boundary pings, mapping out the edges of someone else. But to JARVIS it's not like a bubble edge, it's like a puzzle that he's trying to fit himself alongside of.
I don't think he understands exactly what he's doing with that yet. He knows what to do and how to do it, but the meaning isn't fully developed because the only other person he's gone this deep with is Tony, who was always there.
>> This would be hard even if he hadn't dealt with trauma and abuse: he only has corporeal beings as models, not other AI, <<
Yeah, that's a problem for any cross-species family.
>>and a lot of how any corporeal being is going to define personal space would be in terms of their body. But there's an emotional element of personal space that would apply to him. <<
Both of those apply to JARVIS, just in slightly different ways that humans.
>> And as we're seeing here, there's his code as part of his self, and the computer processes that run him. <<
That's the core of his identity and boundaries.
>> Things like who's allowed to look at or modify his code, who's allowed to watch the processes run, who can see his error log... <<
Exactly. Those are very intimate layers. For JARVIS, having people inside his physical bodies is natural and comfortable, as long as they abide by the groundrules and don't exceed their access. But the code is the really intimate part of him, more akin to how humans feel about having someone inside their bodies. Even looking at the code has been extremely restricted. Phil is the only other person Tony and JARVIS have allowed to learn it or manipulate it.
>> I wonder if he's thought at _all_ about what would make _him_ feel comfortable, and not just what would keep Tony and the tower safe. <<
Probably not much, or at least, not often consciously. JARVIS does a lot by instinct or logic. Tony sucks at this kind of self-reflection. But they clearly talked in depth about whether and why to invite Phil to learn the code. That is probably one of the most thorough and successful boundary discussions they've ever had. Both of them need to learn more about how to do this sort of thing.
>> And there are also interpersonal boundaries, which is a whole other minefield. <<
Yes, that's true.
>> Tony built his brain, <<
Tony built the hardware (like human parents making a baby) and wrote the software (like raising a child) but JARVIS is the one who created himself.
>> so to speak, and while it's not like Tony's never heard of them or that he doesn't make an effort to respect them in other people, it's something that he doesn't really get. <<
Sadly so.
>> And I imagine that was even less part of his skill set when he created JARVIS. <<
Teen parent. Abused, neglected, possibly alcoholic teen parent. All the ouchies.
>> That's not to say that JARVIS hasn't grown beyond the original programming, but that's something he might not even know he needs to design for himself. <<
JARVIS understands the idea of boundaries and permissions quite clearly. The part he struggles with is their role in relationships. He is perfectly capable of objecting when somebody gropes him inappropriately -- and unlike saying no to Tony, which is emergency use only, he is willing to defend that boundary with vigor. But there is a great deal JARVIS doesn't know, simply because he's only had one core user until now. There are a lot of things in him that move, that he doesn't know can move, because with one use they just formed a configuration and sat there. With seven new people now pulling him in different directions, his boundaries and set overlaps are changing, and that's very disconcerting. In a good way, but it still feels weird, and sometimes it scares him.
>> And I think he also uses hiding in his service role as a sort of Tower butler as a way to avoid dealing with not knowing. <<
Definitely. JARVIS really is more shy than most people realize, because it doesn't show with Tony. But you can see it as he very gradually unfolds with other people.
>> I really ache for JARVIS. <<
*hugs all around*
>> At the same time, though, I'm more certain he's going to work things out and come to a healthy place than I am about some of the others (if you're curious, Tony, Bruce, and Natasha in particular). <<
JARVIS will. Tony is always going to be Tony, which is to say not entirely human; the idea is to get him in good working order within himself, not make him like everyone else. (This part is not Pepper's fault, she has no more idea how to take proper care of a Tony than Phil starts out knowing how to handle an AI teammate.) Bruce-and-Hulk will work out their problems; they'll always have the childhood scars but they can get to a healthy place. Natasha is ... the most damaged Avenger in ways, because she was raised in what amounts to emotional footbinding. Some of that is just not capable of being fixed. So for her 'healthy' means functional, not actively in pain, and not harming other people for no good reason.
>> He's got a plasticity of mind that makes me honestly pretty jealous, <<
Yea, verily.
>> and while he's gone through a lot of trauma and hurt, I think he knows that Tony loves him unconditionally, and having that kind of parental love goes a long way. <<
Unconditional love will get you through just about anything. It doesn't make problems go away, but it makes them much more bearable.