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ysabetwordsmithThis story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," and "Birthday Girl."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Nick Fury.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mind control. Inferences of past child abuse and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: A mission in Russia introduces the Avengers to the Winter Soldier. Steve wants Bucky back and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Everyone else helps however they can.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. BAMF!Avengers. Bucky!whump. Vulgar language. Drama. Rescue. Hurt/Comfort. Emotional whump. Survivor guilt. Friendship. Confusion. Mind control. Memory loss. Slow recovery. Nick Fury makes stupid-ass decisions. Fear of loss. Arc reactor. Fluff. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Tony Stark has a heart. Games. Trust issues. Safety and security. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Obadiah Stane's A+ parenting. Brian Banner's A+ parenting. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Sleep issues. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Personal growth. Family of choice. ALL THE FEELS. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38, Part 39, Part 40, Part 41, Part 42, Part 43, Part 44, Part 45, Part 46, Part 47, Part 48, Part 49, Part 50, Part 51, Part 52, Part 53, Part 54, Part 55, Part 56, Part 57, Part 58, Part 59, Part 60, Part 61, Part 62, Part 63. Skip to Part 66, Part 67, Part 68, Part 69.
"No Winter Lasts Forever" Part 64
Clint browsed idly for a few minutes. Then he burst into giggles. "Oh my god! This game is Tony's life. Well, no, Pepper's life -- I remember Natasha bitching about stuff exactly like this from her personal assistant job," Clint said.
"What game?" Phil said, though he felt pretty sure what Clint had found.
"Celebrity Calamity," Clint said. "You have to manage finances for stars who spend money like water."
Phil nodded. "Pepper and JARVIS drafted that game as sort of a joke," he said. "Polishing it up and releasing it to the public was Pepper's retaliation for Tony giving away the art collection without consulting her first."
"Remind me never to piss her off," Clint said with a shudder.
"Agreed. I don't think playing that game with Tony around would be very diplomatic, though. Here's a list of educational games about money," Phil said. He turned the screen so Clint could see the article.
"Hey, look -- we already have Life and Monopoly," Clint said. "Okay, we don't play Monopoly much because Tony can be kind of a jerk about it, but we could play Life more. That's money and people stuff."
"True," Phil said, "but we're looking for new games too. What do you think of Pay Day? That seems like a good budgeting game."
"We get paid, but that's not really a major focus for us. We're not living from paycheck to paycheck, plus we have the household and team accounts as well as our personal ones. There's not much else to this game; kind of boring," Clint said. "At least Celebrity Calamity has a background story to it."
"What about Cashflow 101? It takes a bit broader focus on personal finances," Phil said. "Bruce does astrophysics, so I know he can handle the accounting. Betty has been coaching Steve in math too. They're far enough along that they should catch on to this, and if Steve does, then Bucky will follow him."
Clint leaned over to look. "Yeah, maybe. That looks more interesting than Pay Day," he said. Then he went back to his own Starkpad. "This one's about running a farm as a business. I think it's cool, but it might not grab the others. Here's a family finance game, though -- it uses teams."
"Wi$eMoney?" Phil said, browsing the description. He considered how much of Clint's conversation consisted of references to family and togetherness. They could always use more teambuilding. If it encouraged them to think of funds as a shared resource, so much the better. "That does sound promising."
"Look at the subtitle, too: The Town of Financial Literacy," said Clint. "We want people to identify with New York, right, and feel like it's their city? I know it's hard for Bruce to think of anyplace as home after what happened to him, and Tony has houses everywhere. Steve and Bucky may have grown up here, but this isn't their New York and they're still shaky about that. Maybe something like this would help strengthen the connection."
Suddenly a lightbulb went on in Phil's mind. That would work, he realized. I could take the team out somewhere, give everyone a handful of cash, and tell them to support the local economy. Even if they buy things for each other more than themselves, it should even out. Phil typed a note into his Starkpad to save for later.
"All right, let's start with Wi$eMoney. We may pick up Cashflow 101 later," Phil said aloud. He filled out the order.
"You really put a lot into this game night stuff ... more than you show," Clint said, watching him work.
Phil hugged him. "You are all worth every minute," he said.
Just then Natasha slipped into the room, noiseless as a shadow. "I am bored," she said to Clint. "Come practice with me?" So Clint went off with Natasha to play some kind of ninja hide-and-seek in the air vents.
Phil returned to his office to catch up on paperwork. There were requests for Stark as a consultant on a matter of diplomacy (ludicrous) and on a project to sabotage an enemy organization economically (promising). Phil passed both to JARVIS to be handed off whenever the man emerged from his lab.
R&D wanted Rogers to assist with weapon testing. Phil sent the "no, stop asking" form because that was registered as a permanent refusal, and appended the penalty form for nagging him about it yet again. They'd learn -- or they'd lose their discretionary budget one chunk at a time. Phil routed the confiscated sum into Rogers' charity fund. At least that was one place where the man had no difficulty spending money.
Then JARVIS chimed for attention. "I believe you should be aware of what Bruce and Bucky are doing," he said. Phil's screen switched to show the security feed from the yoga room, a small space near the main gym. Mats and cushions padded the smooth wooden floor in places. Recessed lamps gave off a softer, warmer light. Bruce and Bucky both wore the kind of soft, loose clothes that Bruce favored for yoga.
"We're going to start with the basics: sitting and breathing," Bruce said. He seemed like his usual calm self again, recovered from the stress of the wayward mushroom hunt.
"Yes, sir," Bucky said quietly. He did not argue over the simple tasks.
Phil smiled. Bucky seems to have accepted Bruce as an authority, at least in this area, he thought. That's a good thing.
As Phil watched, Bruce guided Bucky into position with gentle touches. "Sit up straight, with your legs crossed," Bruce said. Bucky sat cross-legged in the usual way; Bruce had both of his feet on opposite thighs in the more advanced lotus position. "Rest your hands on your knees, palms up. Touch the thumb and forefinger of each hand, good, keep them like that. This is a basic pose for meditation and relaxation."
Phil tweaked the display, zooming in enough to see that Bucky already had his eyes closed. Another flick of the controls brought up the vital signs for both men. Those began to slow, Bruce's dropping faster with the ease of long practice.
* * *
Notes:
Celebrity Calamity is a game of managing money for rich but irresponsible clients.
Life echoes the events people go through such as education, marriage, and having children.
Monopoly is a game of getting rich.
Pay Day is a personal finance game, as is the more advanced Cashflow 101. Wi$eMoney is a family budget game.
Sharing money can be a scary decision, but it can also strengthen relationships. Good advice is to have both private accounts for personal spending but a joint account for household expenses. The Avengers do this, and it helps people spend money for things like ordering food or other supplies that everyone will use. It's important to talk about family funds. Everyone influences purchasing decisions, even children. Understand your family goals and budget accordingly. There are instructions for sharing money management.
Blended families may have extra challenges with handling family funds. Although none of them are married, the Avengers are basically a blended family because they all bring their own resources and baggage into the household.
Supporting the local economy is important. Read about why and how to do this. See a helpful chart. People who feel that spending money is selfish may find it easier if it benefits someone else as well.
When deciding how to spend your time, family is always worth the effort. This includes bonding time such as game night or communal meals. Phil encourages this kind of relaxed teambuilding, and by this time you can see how it's really paying off in improved teamwork and healthier people.
Charity benefits donors as well as recipients. There are many ways to give. Choose your charities thoughtfully. This is another good area to practice spending money.
Learn how to design a yoga room.
Basic poses for meditation include sitting and kneeling. Choose a position comfortable for your body, as this video describes.
Bruce is using the gyan mudra for relaxation and concentration.
[To be continued in Part 65 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Nick Fury.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mind control. Inferences of past child abuse and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: A mission in Russia introduces the Avengers to the Winter Soldier. Steve wants Bucky back and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Everyone else helps however they can.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. BAMF!Avengers. Bucky!whump. Vulgar language. Drama. Rescue. Hurt/Comfort. Emotional whump. Survivor guilt. Friendship. Confusion. Mind control. Memory loss. Slow recovery. Nick Fury makes stupid-ass decisions. Fear of loss. Arc reactor. Fluff. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Tony Stark has a heart. Games. Trust issues. Safety and security. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Obadiah Stane's A+ parenting. Brian Banner's A+ parenting. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Sleep issues. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Personal growth. Family of choice. ALL THE FEELS. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38, Part 39, Part 40, Part 41, Part 42, Part 43, Part 44, Part 45, Part 46, Part 47, Part 48, Part 49, Part 50, Part 51, Part 52, Part 53, Part 54, Part 55, Part 56, Part 57, Part 58, Part 59, Part 60, Part 61, Part 62, Part 63. Skip to Part 66, Part 67, Part 68, Part 69.
"No Winter Lasts Forever" Part 64
Clint browsed idly for a few minutes. Then he burst into giggles. "Oh my god! This game is Tony's life. Well, no, Pepper's life -- I remember Natasha bitching about stuff exactly like this from her personal assistant job," Clint said.
"What game?" Phil said, though he felt pretty sure what Clint had found.
"Celebrity Calamity," Clint said. "You have to manage finances for stars who spend money like water."
Phil nodded. "Pepper and JARVIS drafted that game as sort of a joke," he said. "Polishing it up and releasing it to the public was Pepper's retaliation for Tony giving away the art collection without consulting her first."
"Remind me never to piss her off," Clint said with a shudder.
"Agreed. I don't think playing that game with Tony around would be very diplomatic, though. Here's a list of educational games about money," Phil said. He turned the screen so Clint could see the article.
"Hey, look -- we already have Life and Monopoly," Clint said. "Okay, we don't play Monopoly much because Tony can be kind of a jerk about it, but we could play Life more. That's money and people stuff."
"True," Phil said, "but we're looking for new games too. What do you think of Pay Day? That seems like a good budgeting game."
"We get paid, but that's not really a major focus for us. We're not living from paycheck to paycheck, plus we have the household and team accounts as well as our personal ones. There's not much else to this game; kind of boring," Clint said. "At least Celebrity Calamity has a background story to it."
"What about Cashflow 101? It takes a bit broader focus on personal finances," Phil said. "Bruce does astrophysics, so I know he can handle the accounting. Betty has been coaching Steve in math too. They're far enough along that they should catch on to this, and if Steve does, then Bucky will follow him."
Clint leaned over to look. "Yeah, maybe. That looks more interesting than Pay Day," he said. Then he went back to his own Starkpad. "This one's about running a farm as a business. I think it's cool, but it might not grab the others. Here's a family finance game, though -- it uses teams."
"Wi$eMoney?" Phil said, browsing the description. He considered how much of Clint's conversation consisted of references to family and togetherness. They could always use more teambuilding. If it encouraged them to think of funds as a shared resource, so much the better. "That does sound promising."
"Look at the subtitle, too: The Town of Financial Literacy," said Clint. "We want people to identify with New York, right, and feel like it's their city? I know it's hard for Bruce to think of anyplace as home after what happened to him, and Tony has houses everywhere. Steve and Bucky may have grown up here, but this isn't their New York and they're still shaky about that. Maybe something like this would help strengthen the connection."
Suddenly a lightbulb went on in Phil's mind. That would work, he realized. I could take the team out somewhere, give everyone a handful of cash, and tell them to support the local economy. Even if they buy things for each other more than themselves, it should even out. Phil typed a note into his Starkpad to save for later.
"All right, let's start with Wi$eMoney. We may pick up Cashflow 101 later," Phil said aloud. He filled out the order.
"You really put a lot into this game night stuff ... more than you show," Clint said, watching him work.
Phil hugged him. "You are all worth every minute," he said.
Just then Natasha slipped into the room, noiseless as a shadow. "I am bored," she said to Clint. "Come practice with me?" So Clint went off with Natasha to play some kind of ninja hide-and-seek in the air vents.
Phil returned to his office to catch up on paperwork. There were requests for Stark as a consultant on a matter of diplomacy (ludicrous) and on a project to sabotage an enemy organization economically (promising). Phil passed both to JARVIS to be handed off whenever the man emerged from his lab.
R&D wanted Rogers to assist with weapon testing. Phil sent the "no, stop asking" form because that was registered as a permanent refusal, and appended the penalty form for nagging him about it yet again. They'd learn -- or they'd lose their discretionary budget one chunk at a time. Phil routed the confiscated sum into Rogers' charity fund. At least that was one place where the man had no difficulty spending money.
Then JARVIS chimed for attention. "I believe you should be aware of what Bruce and Bucky are doing," he said. Phil's screen switched to show the security feed from the yoga room, a small space near the main gym. Mats and cushions padded the smooth wooden floor in places. Recessed lamps gave off a softer, warmer light. Bruce and Bucky both wore the kind of soft, loose clothes that Bruce favored for yoga.
"We're going to start with the basics: sitting and breathing," Bruce said. He seemed like his usual calm self again, recovered from the stress of the wayward mushroom hunt.
"Yes, sir," Bucky said quietly. He did not argue over the simple tasks.
Phil smiled. Bucky seems to have accepted Bruce as an authority, at least in this area, he thought. That's a good thing.
As Phil watched, Bruce guided Bucky into position with gentle touches. "Sit up straight, with your legs crossed," Bruce said. Bucky sat cross-legged in the usual way; Bruce had both of his feet on opposite thighs in the more advanced lotus position. "Rest your hands on your knees, palms up. Touch the thumb and forefinger of each hand, good, keep them like that. This is a basic pose for meditation and relaxation."
Phil tweaked the display, zooming in enough to see that Bucky already had his eyes closed. Another flick of the controls brought up the vital signs for both men. Those began to slow, Bruce's dropping faster with the ease of long practice.
* * *
Notes:
Celebrity Calamity is a game of managing money for rich but irresponsible clients.
Life echoes the events people go through such as education, marriage, and having children.
Monopoly is a game of getting rich.
Pay Day is a personal finance game, as is the more advanced Cashflow 101. Wi$eMoney is a family budget game.
Sharing money can be a scary decision, but it can also strengthen relationships. Good advice is to have both private accounts for personal spending but a joint account for household expenses. The Avengers do this, and it helps people spend money for things like ordering food or other supplies that everyone will use. It's important to talk about family funds. Everyone influences purchasing decisions, even children. Understand your family goals and budget accordingly. There are instructions for sharing money management.
Blended families may have extra challenges with handling family funds. Although none of them are married, the Avengers are basically a blended family because they all bring their own resources and baggage into the household.
Supporting the local economy is important. Read about why and how to do this. See a helpful chart. People who feel that spending money is selfish may find it easier if it benefits someone else as well.
When deciding how to spend your time, family is always worth the effort. This includes bonding time such as game night or communal meals. Phil encourages this kind of relaxed teambuilding, and by this time you can see how it's really paying off in improved teamwork and healthier people.
Charity benefits donors as well as recipients. There are many ways to give. Choose your charities thoughtfully. This is another good area to practice spending money.
Learn how to design a yoga room.
Basic poses for meditation include sitting and kneeling. Choose a position comfortable for your body, as this video describes.
Bruce is using the gyan mudra for relaxation and concentration.
[To be continued in Part 65 ...]
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-15 07:41 pm (UTC)As usual, great updates, thanks! (and it's almost the end, already... you're unbelievably productive!)
Yes...
Date: 2013-07-16 06:20 am (UTC)Yes. The Avengers are slowly learning more about how Phil works, which helps them both in personal growth and in supporting each other. They're not just soaking up resources; they all have different things to contribute. Clint has been with Phil the longest, and is more expressive than Natasha, so he's farther along in terms of accepting this aspect of their relationship and working with it.
>> Also, I'm with Clint in saying that you can have a lot of fond memories of your dysfonctional family, and still feel attached to abusive relatives. <<
Alas! It's a very widespread effect. It applies to most of the Avengers, although they're attached to different abusers in different ways. With Bruce it was his mother, who was a co-victim but didn't get him away from his father. Tony has a conflicted relationship with his parents, but it was Obie who really fucked him up, over, and down sharply to the left. Bucky and Natasha are meshing pretty well, but there's still an edgy aspect to their relationship because he trained her while she was with the Red Room. That can't have been altogether healthy for either of them, even though it gave them both some kind of comfort.
>> Even very abused children usually love their parents and don't want to be separated from them. <<
True, though ironically Clint latched onto his brother Barney in this regard, more than their parents. Barney did most of the work of (mis)raising him. The fallout form that is a long way from over. Poor Clint.
>> As usual, great updates, thanks! <<
You're welcome!
>> (and it's almost the end, already... you're unbelievably productive!) <<
At last count, we have about 10,000 words left. I am working on the sequel. It's just really slow going because summer is my busy season for paid writing and I need to concentrate on that.
Clint and Barney
Date: 2014-01-01 10:14 pm (UTC)I remember from Clint-canon that Barney Barton coaxed Clint away from the orphanage (which might have provided a more safe and stable upbringing) and to the circus and also coaxed, led or coerced Clint into criminal activities later on. ( But beginning in the circus years, I think.)
What kind of abuse did Clint suffer in that relationship, do you know? I think physical almost certainly and probably verbal/emotional. I have found myself wondering if Barney was sexually abusive too, either by harming Clint himself or putting him in situations with others that he wasn't prepared for, or letting others use him. I suddenly have this horrible image of Barney basically letting people use Clint sexually for money. :-( I have no idea where that came from, and it makes me very very sad. It's horrific but seems plausible, considering how poor they must have been and what has emerged about Barney's nature.
I think the brother stuff resonates for me. I have an older brother who was violent and emotionally very cruel to me. (And parents who never stepped in, or believed what was going on, as they supported him over me in most situations where there was a choice). I never had the good experiences mixed in that Clint has, but I loved my brother deeply and wished more than anything that he would just love me and care even a little about me.
As an adult, looking back on all that, I felt like I am sick or that there is something wrong with me because I loved, and still love, somebody who probably would have been pleased if I'd died or never existed. But I think even today, if he was kind to me, and MEANT it, kept it up, I would want a relationship. Is there something flawed in me to want that?
Also I think what I went through qualifies as abuse, not sibling rivalry, because the aggression was always one-way: my brother to me. I did not argue with him, or fight back, or pick on him in my own turn. I think you have defined abuse that way earlier in these stories. I feel like I'm wrong or bad family to call my experiences abuse, but I have learned a lot since that makes me think they were.
Re: Clint and Barney
Date: 2014-01-01 11:23 pm (UTC)That's what I'm building on, yes. Their experiences in foster care/orphanage legitimately sucked though. Kids don't usually run away from free room and board without a compelling reason. And yes, the criminal activity started in the circus.
>> What kind of abuse did Clint suffer in that relationship, do you know? I think physical almost certainly and probably verbal/emotional. <<
I think it was primarily emotional and occaionally physical. Barney was rough with Clint sometimes, but to them it was just normal, what they learned growing up. Other people were harsher to them than they were with each other, I suspect. Later on, however, an aspect of financial exploitation developed and overshadowed the rest -- Barney urged Clint to develop his archery, first as entertainment and then later for more nefarious purposes. And Barney would have hogged the money from that.
>> I have found myself wondering if Barney was sexually abusive too, either by harming Clint himself or putting him in situations with others that he wasn't prepared for, or letting others use him. I suddenly have this horrible image of Barney basically letting people use Clint sexually for money. :-( <<
I don't think it was sexual in this series, although this interpretation has appeared in other people's writing, sometimes very well done. But there's something else I didn't think of until just now. Clint is asexual. Archery is his passion. Barney basically pimped him out as an archer. So for Clint, that is painfully close to sexual abuse; it would create a lot of the same problems that genital assault would for a sexual person (and conversely, the times he has been sexually assaulted as a spy have weirded him out in different ways).
>> I have no idea where that came from, and it makes me very very sad. It's horrific but seems plausible, considering how poor they must have been and what has emerged about Barney's nature. <<
It does fit their backstory. I just doubt that it fits the current pattern of this series.
>> I think the brother stuff resonates for me. I have an older brother who was violent and emotionally very cruel to me. (And parents who never stepped in, or believed what was going on, as they supported him over me in most situations where there was a choice). <<
Oh, how awful!
>> I never had the good experiences mixed in that Clint has, but I loved my brother deeply and wished more than anything that he would just love me and care even a little about me. <<
Everyone deserves to be loved and taken care of; most people crave affection and want someone to care about them. Abuse is a violation of reasonable expectations.
It's really hard on Clint because for a long time, Barney was the best person in his life. They really loved each other, just had shitty examples on how love is supposed to work. Barney tried to take care of Clint, but made horrible decisions along the way and didn't realize how much it was hurting both of them. In the end, Barney had far fewer scruples than Clint, so it culminated in disaster.
>> As an adult, looking back on all that, I felt like I am sick or that there is something wrong with me because I loved, and still love, somebody who probably would have been pleased if I'd died or never existed. <<
There is nothing sick or wrong with you for loving someone. Love is what it is, and we rarely get to choose who we love. For most people it's not like a switch that can be turned on or off at will. Ideally love grows out of positive interactions, but sometimes it happens just out of a human need to love someone even if there is not a very good recipient available.
>> But I think even today, if he was kind to me, and MEANT it, kept it up, I would want a relationship. Is there something flawed in me to want that? <<
No. Wanting love is natural and healthy. Sometimes people do change and reconciliation is possible even after terrible things have happened.
Just don't let that wish for love and connection blind you to the very real harm that your brother did. Many abusers like what they do and don't want to change. So it's important to keep a wary eye on them.
>> Also I think what I went through qualifies as abuse, not sibling rivalry, because the aggression was always one-way: my brother to me. I did not argue with him, or fight back, or pick on him in my own turn. <<
That does sound like abuse, yes. If you feel uncertain or invalidated about that -- which is natural given your description of parental response -- then it might help for you to read over some lists that describe abusive behavior to see how much of that applies to your experiences. Ideally, do that with a supportive person there for you, because it can be pretty wrenching to get outside confirmation of how bad things were. There are often things on the list that someone didn't realize would count as abuse. Frex, it is abuse for parents to allow one sibling to torment another; they're supposed to provide a safe, healthy environment for all offspring.
>> I think you have defined abuse that way earlier in these stories. <<
Yes, that fits. Among my markers are:
* Abuse involves a power difference with one person over another.
* Abuse does harm, sometimes quite lasting. It can be physical such as bruises, or emotional such as fear of being yelled at.
* Abuse leaves a distinctive imprint on the personality, so if those signs are present, that's a strong clue of abuse.
>> I feel like I'm wrong or bad family to call my experiences abuse, but I have learned a lot since that makes me think they were. <<
*hugs*
Abuse is never the victim's fault. Naming it is not wrong. Being abused or talking about abuse does not make you a bad person. It makes you a survivor. For most people, naming the abuse and talking about it is a necessary step in the healing process. It can also help other people recognize abuse, and maybe even discourage it. A bad family member is the abuser, not the victim. You absolutely have a right to expect love and safety in a family. That's not wrong or greedy. Wrong is picking on a relative for personal gratification. It is healthy to look back and see that what happened to you was bad, and to want something better.
I hope that you get some people in your life who are kind to you instead of mistreating you. Everyone deserves people to love and be loved by.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-16 12:05 am (UTC)I love reading this series. I've learned a fair bit about myself and about things I had never heard of, thank you!
Em
Thoughts
Date: 2013-07-29 04:04 am (UTC)Cool!
>> It took me a moment to figure out that was the game you were talking about since we always call it rat race. <<
Based on what I saw online, "rat race" is the name for one phase of the game and I think it's on the board too.
>> I love reading this series. I've learned a fair bit about myself and about things I had never heard of, thank you! <<
Yay! That makes me happy.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-16 04:11 am (UTC)Love the story, love the series, love you.
Amber
Thank you!
Date: 2013-07-21 09:08 am (UTC)I'm happy to hear that.
>> I found the 'Love is for children' thread on archive of our own, and I'm addicted. I check it every afternoon. <<
Yay! I'm glad you enjoy it so much.
>> I can't wait to see how Bucky reacts to a full on game night. <<
We're just about there. One more installment -- I posted #70 tonight -- and then we hit the big cluster of ageplay at the end of the story.
>> And can Thor be the next story?? I want to see how he and Loki can adapt to game night. <<
Not quite yet. The next one is Tony-centric, dealing with some issues that come up with Bucky and ageplay. I've got a lot of balls in the air and I need to put some of those down before I pick up new ones with Thor and Loki. That's an inherent part of a long-running series, resolving old storylines and adding fresh ones. But I really want to explore the mess that has resulted from Odin's A+ parenting.
>> Love the story, love the series, love you. <<
*hugs* Aww, that's so sweet!
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-16 02:25 pm (UTC)This makes me inordinately happy. JARVIS must be in on it too, or are they circumventing the tower's security as part of the game? :D
Also, I found this article, which seems to imply that virtual reality environments that change the player's perception of their body may have a strong influence on the self-perceived age of the player, and thought that you might like it.
I haven't played any of the games you mention (except Monopoly) and dread things involving financial calculations, but some of those actually sound fun.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-20 02:41 am (UTC)Or... maybe they just think they're circumventing him, and he allows them to think so while keeping Tony posted on anything he might need to be aware of.
Yes...
Date: 2013-07-20 07:13 am (UTC)It's like trying to elude Heimdall, just short of impossible. There are, however, areas where JARVIS tends to pay less attention, or the sensors are lower density than in areas of higher traffic or potential hazard.
But mostly Clint and Natasha are trying to elude or sneak up on each other.
>>Or... maybe they just think they're circumventing him, and he allows them to think so while keeping Tony posted on anything he might need to be aware of.<<
*chuckle* JARVIS may well exaggerate the areas of less sensitivity. He tries to be gentle with people's privacy. Default setting on the bathrooms is emergency-only observation, for instance; if you want tower-standard surveillance and computing access, you have to set it that way on purpose.
I think the only secrets that JARVIS keeps from Tony are observations or speculations about Tony that would hurt him because he's not ready to hear them yet.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2014-01-01 11:01 pm (UTC)Please don't think poorly of me for being curious... but what constitutes a bathroom emergency? And since JARVIS is respectful of privacy, how would he know?
I can see that if someone falls and fractures a bone, they might call JARVIS because he can bring help. But the way you wrote it, it sounded like if something happened in the bathroom, JARVIS would know even if the person didn't or couldn't ask him for help.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2014-01-01 11:55 pm (UTC)Questions are encouraged.
>> but what constitutes a bathroom emergency? <<
* Passing out drunk.
* Razor cuts that are more than just nicks.
* Falling asleep in the bathtub.
* Having a panic attack.
Those aren't random examples. Tony doesn't latch bathroom doors, just has JARVIS hold them closed electronically, because Tony doesn't want people to have to break the door down to get to him if he needs help. Several of the other Avengers have similar issues.
>> And since JARVIS is respectful of privacy, how would he know? <<
The passive monitoring in the tower covers things like heartbeat, respiration, body temperature, and brain waves. All of those have alert thresholds where crossing a certain line means something could be wrong (yellow range) or is definitely quite wrong (red range). So if someone is throwing up drunk in the bathroom, body temperature is one way JARVIS can recognize the difference between when it should be politely ignored, when to call a friend for support, and when to call an ambulance.
There are also certain things on audiovisual pickup that are yellow or red flags. Raised voices, more than a little bit of blood, the motion pattern of someone falling, etc. will all make JARVIS pay active attention to see if something is really wrong. It's kind of his equivalent of "Hey, I heard a crash, are you okay in there?" only he doesn't always have to speak out loud. There are already security systems that will alert to people falling or shouting at each other, which I think is creepy, but then I'm a privacy advocate so I'm more sensitive to that sort of thing.
>> I can see that if someone falls and fractures a bone, they might call JARVIS because he can bring help. <<
Standard setting is that saying his name will attract his active attention. That always works unless someone programs the privacy setting higher, so that it requires a specific password or some other signal.
>> But the way you wrote it, it sounded like if something happened in the bathroom, JARVIS would know even if the person didn't or couldn't ask him for help. <<
JARVIS has gotten damn protective of his people after Obie nearly murdered Tony inside a building where JARVIS lives. So Tony and JARVIS have augmented the passive and active sensors and security a lot since then. JARVIS has a very refined awareness of what goes on in or near his facilities.
That's a ton of information, and the majority of it isn't important. His priority stack tells him what to pay attention to and what to ignore. Ordinary input from people, such as resting heart rate, just becomes background buzz to JARVIS that he ignores unless it changes to something relevant. It's like the way you don't pay active attention to your clothes rubbing against your skin, but will notice if a burr attaches to your sleeve and scratches your skin through the cloth.
JARVIS is a great deal more insightful and discreet than a dumb security system. He does everything he can to respect people's privacy -- but if someone gets hurt, he will notice, and he can be kind of a fussbudget about it because Tony is self-destructive and resistant to accepting help. On the other hoof, he's also stubborn about protecting thresholds if there is not an emergency. He'll let people lock themselves away as long as it's just stupid, not dangerous. On the third hoof, JARVIS can interpret things as he sees fit, and he's not above coaxing people into accepting help by means of verbal manipulation or very creative interpretation of commands.
Thoughts
Date: 2013-07-29 04:35 am (UTC)Yay!
>> JARVIS must be in on it too, or are they circumventing the tower's security as part of the game? :D <<
It's kind of a freeform thing. Mostly Clint and Natasha are stalking each other. But they can try to sneak around JARVIS; different areas are more or less densely monitored. Mild hacking is probably allowed -- it gives everyone practice in a safe environment.
>> Also, I found this article, which seems to imply that virtual reality environments that change the player's perception of their body may have a strong influence on the self-perceived age of the player, and thought that you might like it. <<
Fascinating! Thanks for sharing. I've noted that for future reference.
>> I haven't played any of the games you mention (except Monopoly) and dread things involving financial calculations, but some of those actually sound fun. <<
They had varying degrees of interest for me too. I not only suck at math, it spills over to affect other people, which makes math-heavy games sub-optimal. I also tend to favor games with some kind of engaging story or action, not pure strategy or moving abstract bits around.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-08-12 04:47 pm (UTC)Well...
Date: 2013-08-13 10:49 pm (UTC)As a handler, Phil is all about planning over luck. It takes careful attention to get the kind of success rate he does with something as challenging as superhero ageplay. He's always watching for problems and thinking about solutions.
>> And I also love Bruce helping Bucky, and Bucky letting him. <<
Bruce has a very strong nurturing side; he frequently takes care of people in the group. Underneath the layer of wreckage left by captivity, Bucky is one of the few Avengers who actually has experience with healthy family dynamics. He also has a certain amount of respect for people who can get the better of him in any situation. So while Bucky isn't used to having people take care of him, he has concepts close enough that he can manage sometimes.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-03-16 02:17 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2014-03-16 02:26 am (UTC)I like seeing them in a close relationship too. I enjoy Clint/Phil well enough. However, I'm also very fond of platonic relationships; I like stories about the intimacy of the asset-handler relationship.
In this case, of course, I'm writing Clint as asexual. While the connection is not erotic, his tie to Phil is one of the most important in his life -- the other being with Natasha as his sister -- and that's not going to get superseded by a romance elsewhere. They're primaries, just not sexual ones. So I like to look for ways to show how close they are, and how they express that.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2014-03-16 03:44 am (UTC)Me, too. I'm trying to find the words to express what I mean, so please bear with me. The pairs that I 'ship are often also the ones I like seeing in close platonic relationships. I like reading Clint/Phil, and I also like reading Clint & Phil. There are some exceptions, of course, but that seems to be a good rule of thumb for me. Interestingly enough, there are pairs that I only enjoy as close platonic friends that I do not enjoy reading as romantic partners, but if I enjoy reading a certain pairing as romantic partners, then I will probably also enjoy reading them as close friends. There are very few pairs that I 'ship that I will not care to read as just close friends, these are pairs that I cannot read with any other romantic partner. Some pairs that I cannot read as romantic partners include Clint/Natasha and Phil/Steve.
>> ...his tie to Phil is one of the most important in his life -- the other being with Natasha as his sister -- and that's not going to get superseded by a romance elsewhere. They're primaries, just not sexual ones. <<
Yay! This makes me so happy.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2014-03-16 10:23 pm (UTC)No problem.
>> The pairs that I 'ship are often also the ones I like seeing in close platonic relationships. I like reading Clint/Phil, and I also like reading Clint & Phil. There are some exceptions, of course, but that seems to be a good rule of thumb for me. <<
Agreed.
>> Interestingly enough, there are pairs that I only enjoy as close platonic friends that I do not enjoy reading as romantic partners, but if I enjoy reading a certain pairing as romantic partners, then I will probably also enjoy reading them as close friends. <<
I think this is true for me too. I tend to become interested in pairings (or moresomes) because I sense some kind of chemistry there.
>> There are very few pairs that I 'ship that I will not care to read as just close friends, these are pairs that I cannot read with any other romantic partner. Some pairs that I cannot read as romantic partners include Clint/Natasha and Phil/Steve. <<
I can read Clint/Natasha but prefer Clint & Natasha. Phil/Steve is really hard to do well because of the power dynamics.
>> They're primaries, just not sexual ones. <<
Yay! This makes me so happy.
If you like nonsexual primary bonds, I have some others over in my original work.
Clay of Life has Yossele the golem and Menachem the blacksmith (queerplatonic).
Frankenstein's Family has Victor and Igor (queerplatonic).
The Origami Mage has the Origami Mage and Kirigami Mage (rivals who later become allies).
Path of the Paladins has Shahana and Ari (mentor and novice).
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2014-03-16 11:54 pm (UTC)Yes. I cannot read Clint/Natasha because I don't see any kind of sexual chemistry between them, they work much better for me as brother and sister.
>> I can read Clint/Natasha but prefer Clint & Natasha. Phil/Steve is really hard to do well because of the power dynamics. <<
I have two major problems with Phil/Steve: First, oversaturation. Even in Clint/Phil, there are a lot of fics that have to mention how Steve was Phil's first crush. Don't even get me started on the ones where Phil is cheating on Clint with Steve, because we'll be here all night. Second is even if we are presuming Phil is interested in guys (which we are given that it is a Clint/Phil slashfic), just because he admired the guy does not mean he wanted to bone him. I admired the hell out of Wonder Woman as a kid, but I wanted to be her, I didn't want to have sex with her (I may have just outed myself as bisexual to you, but I'm pretty sure you don't care.).
I am going to read those, because they sound very interesting.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2014-03-17 12:52 am (UTC)Although I occasionally enjoy Clint/Natasha, the bar is higher for me. Not only do I tend to parse them as siblings, there is also the fact that Natasha is a professional sex object as part of her espionage. That throws a huge complication into her private sex life if she has one. Most stories don't want to deal with that, so it's an issue for me.
>> I have two major problems with Phil/Steve: First, oversaturation. <<
Agreed.
>> Even in Clint/Phil, there are a lot of fics that have to mention how Steve was Phil's first crush. <<
Well, it's not an unreasonable interpretation, but it requires delicate handling, because the relationship would have gone through multiple shifts over time. We saw in canon that Phil not only did not manage that gracefully, he failed so hard it was painful to watch. And Steve was so ripped up by what had happened to him, he was in no condition to help. So yeah. They can't get together unless somehow they figure out how to work through all that shit.
This is why, in Love Is For Children, they were living in the same building for several months before they settled down enough to talk about what happened, apologize, and piece together a friendship.
>> Don't even get me started on the ones where Phil is cheating on Clint with Steve, because we'll be here all night. <<
I tend to hate that. I think I've seen one where Clint got together with Steve under questionable circumstances, albeit with Phil's secret permission, and of course Steve freaked when he found out. But it was reasonably well handled. Cheating stories usually are not. It's behavior I disapprove; all well and good to be poly, but not to break promises.
>> Second is even if we are presuming Phil is interested in guys (which we are given that it is a Clint/Phil slashfic), just because he admired the guy does not mean he wanted to bone him. <<
That's true. There are many types of admiration and even hero-worship. As I've laid out in several points of LIFC, Phil never wanted to be Captain America. He wanted to be hero support for Captain America. To Phil, being a hero seemed like an unattainable goal, but helping a hero really appealed to him. So that's what he did.
Phil doesn't realize, of course, that he wound up becoming a hero anyway and that he even has Steve's habit of punching up.
>> I admired the hell out of Wonder Woman as a kid, but I wanted to be her, I didn't want to have sex with her <<
That makes sense.
>> (I may have just outed myself as bisexual to you, but I'm pretty sure you don't care.). <<
I think it's cool. I like having friends of assorted orientations. I'm metasexual myself -- which is to say, my sexuality is a tesseract of different spectra, and I tend to be attracted to souls rather than bodies.
>> I am going to read those, because they sound very interesting. <<
Yay! I'm glad I could point you toward something you might enjoy.
I think there is not enough diversity in literature, so very much of it has a romantic plot or subplot. I would like to see more about other types of love or relationship not based on sex/romance. So I often ask for that in prompt calls or write about it myself. I like sex/romance fine, but that's not all I want.
It's also less interesting if it's a requirement than a possibility. Right now, if you see a guy and a girl together in entertainment, they're going to get stuck with each other sexually whether they fit or not. Meh. That's like when villains put heroes in death traps, eventually the suspense wore out because the heroes always got rescued. (This is also why I ran one of my heroes into a woodchipper.) It gets old.
If there's a chance that any two characters of whatever sex might become lovers, or might form some other kind of bond, or might go their separate ways, then there's a lot more possibility and suspense both. One of the fun things about crowdfunding is that I have the option of fielding characters and letting the audience decide who they want to see again, and some of what happens will come from audience prompts. So things can go in very unexpected directions, and that's exciting.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2014-03-17 02:20 am (UTC)I tend to think that Natasha doesn't have a personal sex life, for many different reasons, including her espionage. I just don't read Clint/Natasha, because it doesn't *feel* authentic to me, though I can read stories wherein they used sex as part of working out how the relationship between them is supposed to work. That is to say; they were so confused by the strong connection between them that they thought it *must* be sexual, but then realized that it wasn't like that between them. Feelings are confusing. That being said, I do prefer stories where they've never had sex.
>> It's behavior I disapprove; all well and good to be poly, but not to break promises. <<
This is exactly how I feel. You said it better than I could, but that is what I was thinking.
>> Phil doesn't realize, of course, that he wound up becoming a hero anyway and that he even has Steve's habit of punching up. <<
Agreed.
>> I think it's cool. I like having friends of assorted orientations. I'm metasexual myself -- which is to say, my sexuality is a tesseract of different spectra, and I tend to be attracted to souls rather than bodies. <<
You're the first person I've told outside of my immediate family. The place I live and work is not exactly a safe place to step out of the closet. I admit I'm more shallow in my attractions, my first draw is to the physical. But the attribute I'm most attracted to is a good smile and a certain attitude.
I do read straight up romance, and I enjoy a romantic subplot, but I *do* wish there were more non-romantic close relationships in fiction. I also wish that people weren't so afraid to call love, love. They want to say friendship, or if they do name it love, they feel as if they immediately have to qualify it. Clarity is always good, don't get me wrong, but they get so defensive about it, it feels like it *cheapens* it somehow.
I sometimes enjoy being able to see where the plot is going, but I really do enjoy being surprised. When a plot goes in an unexpected directions, it's a thrill.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2014-04-13 01:38 am (UTC)I agree. I tend to write Natasha with very different views of sex. Sometimes asexual, sometimes aromantic, but I just don't see her as the usual romantic-heterosexual. In Love Is For Children, she is aromantic and a sexual predator who preys on the enemy. Because the Red Room made her into a weapon, but at least now it's pointed in a legitimate direction.
>> I tend to think that Natasha doesn't have a personal sex life, for many different reasons, including her espionage. I just don't read Clint/Natasha, because it doesn't *feel* authentic to me, <<
That makes sense.
>> though I can read stories wherein they used sex as part of working out how the relationship between them is supposed to work. That is to say; they were so confused by the strong connection between them that they thought it *must* be sexual, but then realized that it wasn't like that between them. <<
It seems to be a pretty popular bit of backstory.
>> Feelings are confusing. That being said, I do prefer stories where they've never had sex. <<
Feelings are especially confusing for adult survivors of child abuse. Natasha barely knows what they are; Clint still has a hard time separating positive from negative, especially with people he loves.
>> It's behavior I disapprove; all well and good to be poly, but not to break promises.
This is exactly how I feel. You said it better than I could, but that is what I was thinking. <<
I'm glad I could help.
>> You're the first person I've told outside of my immediate family. <<
*hugs* I'm happy that you feel safe sharing it with someone.
>> The place I live and work is not exactly a safe place to step out of the closet. <<
Yeah, that's pretty common.
>> I admit I'm more shallow in my attractions, my first draw is to the physical. But the attribute I'm most attracted to is a good smile and a certain attitude. <<
It's all fine.
>> I do read straight up romance, and I enjoy a romantic subplot, but I *do* wish there were more non-romantic close relationships in fiction. <<
That would be nice.
>> I also wish that people weren't so afraid to call love, love. They want to say friendship, or if they do name it love, they feel as if they immediately have to qualify it. Clarity is always good, don't get me wrong, but they get so defensive about it, it feels like it *cheapens* it somehow. <<
English is short on relevant vocabulary. Greek and Hebrew have words for love-between-friends. (I like vocabulary poems.)
>> I sometimes enjoy being able to see where the plot is going, but I really do enjoy being surprised. When a plot goes in an unexpected directions, it's a thrill. <<
Agreed!