Story: "Coming Around" (Part 13 of 14)
Apr. 21st, 2013 12:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," and "Splash."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Bruce Banner, Hulk.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Inferences of past child/domestic abuse. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Phil shows Bruce the cute pictures of the team helping Hulk clean up after the bilgesnipe fight. Bruce finds the whole idea more confusing than pleasing.
Notes: Teamwork. Friendship. Flangst. Hurt/comfort. Dysfunctional relationship dynamics. Trust issues. Safety and security. ALL THE FEELS. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Personal growth. Family of choice.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12.
"Coming Around" Part 13
"Well, I disagree," Phil said. "I refuse to abandon you when you don't feel well. You know how Clint and Natasha say I fuss over them too. I take my responsibility for my assets very seriously."
"You do fuss over Clint and Natasha. I'm amazed they let you live to tell the tale," Bruce said. Phil wasn't surprised by that comparison. Like Bruce, Clint and Natasha had mostly negative experiences with human contact. They associated being vulnerable with being hurt, not being taken care of, by the other people in their lives.
"As their handler, I'm entitled to take a few liberties they wouldn't ordinarily allow," Phil said. That had required a great deal of patience and coaxing before it got anywhere at all. They'd made considerable progress, though, and game night helped even more. Phil would get through to Bruce too. The scientist just needed someone to teach him how to be as gentle with himselves as with others.
"Lucky you," Bruce said. He rolled his head in slow motion, then his shoulders, attempting to stretch out a cramp somewhere. Bruce tried so desperately to do the right things, and that took a toll on him. Phil disliked seeing him in pain. Bruce could be so skittish, though. When offering comfort, it was best to ease into it, starting with light peripheral touches and then moving inward. Bruce had stopped trying brush Phil's fingers off his hands and arms, so he might be ready to accept further contact. Bruce shifted in bed, seeking a more comfortable position.
"You're more tense than you're letting on, aren't you," Phil murmured. Bruce was probably more tired, too; the miserable discussion had worn him out. He needed something sweeter to take his mind off it. Phil slipped a hand behind Bruce's neck. "Here, lie back, let me see what I can do."
Phil remembered what Betty had said previously about Bruce's tendency to store tension just above his shoulderblades. It correlated with resistance and with the weight of responsibility. Phil pressed thumb and fingers carefully against the taut muscles. Sure enough, Bruce melted into his touch with a soft whimper of relief. The skin hunger was almost as strong for Bruce as it was for Hulk and for Clint; he was just wary of contact and shy about pursuing his own needs. Once Bruce gave in, though, he tended to surrender himself to the experience. Phil settled him tenderly into the deep pile of feather pillows.
"S'nice," Bruce said, his voice blurring. "Better'n before ... oh, there ..."
"That's good," Phil said. Under his hands the tension gradually uncoiled, muscles starting to relax. "You go right ahead and enjoy yourself." Every time Bruce gave in to the coaxing and let himself be coddled even a little bit, Phil tried to make it as pleasant as possible for him. It would take time to establish new, positive associations. The conditioning worked, though, and Phil would make the time for it. Bruce deserved that consideration, even if he didn't believe it.
* * *
Notes:
Being vulnerable is a natural part of life and an important aspect of intimacy. Abuse complicates this by associating vulnerability with abandonment and harm. It is difficult to rebuild trust after an abusive relationship. Survivors need to work through their trust issues. Pay attention to the scale of trust. There are tips for learning to trust after abuse and tips on strengthening trust.
It's important to be gentle with yourself. Some people are far more compassionate toward others than toward themselves. Fortunately there are ways to be gentle with yourself. This is especially vital in dealing with your own pain or other setbacks.
Emotional stress can cause physical problems. People tend to store emotions in particular places. Consider where tension collects in the body. Seek ways to release the stored tension.
Skin hunger is a need for positive touch. Some people feel it more strongly than others. Some are more comfortable asking for the skin contact they need. Pay attention to what people need, not just what they say.
Notice that Phil uses positive reinforcement almost exclusively: a subtle pattern of following desired behavior with something pleasant. This works well with children. It also works for abused pets, or any other creature for whom harsh punishment has created many negative associations.
EDIT 4/21/13: Antivol recommends the article "What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage." It's an excellent example of conditioning as an animal training technique applied to human relationships.
[To be concluded in Part 14 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Bruce Banner, Hulk.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Inferences of past child/domestic abuse. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Phil shows Bruce the cute pictures of the team helping Hulk clean up after the bilgesnipe fight. Bruce finds the whole idea more confusing than pleasing.
Notes: Teamwork. Friendship. Flangst. Hurt/comfort. Dysfunctional relationship dynamics. Trust issues. Safety and security. ALL THE FEELS. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Personal growth. Family of choice.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12.
"Coming Around" Part 13
"Well, I disagree," Phil said. "I refuse to abandon you when you don't feel well. You know how Clint and Natasha say I fuss over them too. I take my responsibility for my assets very seriously."
"You do fuss over Clint and Natasha. I'm amazed they let you live to tell the tale," Bruce said. Phil wasn't surprised by that comparison. Like Bruce, Clint and Natasha had mostly negative experiences with human contact. They associated being vulnerable with being hurt, not being taken care of, by the other people in their lives.
"As their handler, I'm entitled to take a few liberties they wouldn't ordinarily allow," Phil said. That had required a great deal of patience and coaxing before it got anywhere at all. They'd made considerable progress, though, and game night helped even more. Phil would get through to Bruce too. The scientist just needed someone to teach him how to be as gentle with himselves as with others.
"Lucky you," Bruce said. He rolled his head in slow motion, then his shoulders, attempting to stretch out a cramp somewhere. Bruce tried so desperately to do the right things, and that took a toll on him. Phil disliked seeing him in pain. Bruce could be so skittish, though. When offering comfort, it was best to ease into it, starting with light peripheral touches and then moving inward. Bruce had stopped trying brush Phil's fingers off his hands and arms, so he might be ready to accept further contact. Bruce shifted in bed, seeking a more comfortable position.
"You're more tense than you're letting on, aren't you," Phil murmured. Bruce was probably more tired, too; the miserable discussion had worn him out. He needed something sweeter to take his mind off it. Phil slipped a hand behind Bruce's neck. "Here, lie back, let me see what I can do."
Phil remembered what Betty had said previously about Bruce's tendency to store tension just above his shoulderblades. It correlated with resistance and with the weight of responsibility. Phil pressed thumb and fingers carefully against the taut muscles. Sure enough, Bruce melted into his touch with a soft whimper of relief. The skin hunger was almost as strong for Bruce as it was for Hulk and for Clint; he was just wary of contact and shy about pursuing his own needs. Once Bruce gave in, though, he tended to surrender himself to the experience. Phil settled him tenderly into the deep pile of feather pillows.
"S'nice," Bruce said, his voice blurring. "Better'n before ... oh, there ..."
"That's good," Phil said. Under his hands the tension gradually uncoiled, muscles starting to relax. "You go right ahead and enjoy yourself." Every time Bruce gave in to the coaxing and let himself be coddled even a little bit, Phil tried to make it as pleasant as possible for him. It would take time to establish new, positive associations. The conditioning worked, though, and Phil would make the time for it. Bruce deserved that consideration, even if he didn't believe it.
* * *
Notes:
Being vulnerable is a natural part of life and an important aspect of intimacy. Abuse complicates this by associating vulnerability with abandonment and harm. It is difficult to rebuild trust after an abusive relationship. Survivors need to work through their trust issues. Pay attention to the scale of trust. There are tips for learning to trust after abuse and tips on strengthening trust.
It's important to be gentle with yourself. Some people are far more compassionate toward others than toward themselves. Fortunately there are ways to be gentle with yourself. This is especially vital in dealing with your own pain or other setbacks.
Emotional stress can cause physical problems. People tend to store emotions in particular places. Consider where tension collects in the body. Seek ways to release the stored tension.
Skin hunger is a need for positive touch. Some people feel it more strongly than others. Some are more comfortable asking for the skin contact they need. Pay attention to what people need, not just what they say.
Notice that Phil uses positive reinforcement almost exclusively: a subtle pattern of following desired behavior with something pleasant. This works well with children. It also works for abused pets, or any other creature for whom harsh punishment has created many negative associations.
EDIT 4/21/13: Antivol recommends the article "What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage." It's an excellent example of conditioning as an animal training technique applied to human relationships.
[To be concluded in Part 14 ...]
Re: The Greeks had a word for it.
Date: 2013-04-21 11:37 pm (UTC)That's what I had in mind in mentioning it.
Great! I'm not familiar with the recent Avengers canon, so I assumed that Phil was a canon character.
(BTW, though "Phillip" is one spelling of the name, the etymon is φίλιππος fílippos with double "π", not double "l". – Just a little onomastic fillip from the Doctor.)
Re: The Greeks had a word for it.
Date: 2013-04-22 12:11 am (UTC)He is canon. Phil Coulson appears in The Avengers movie and some of the others. In this case the name is a happy coincidence. Elsewhere in my writing, I do things like that deliberately.
>> (BTW, though "Phillip" is one spelling of the name, the etymon is φίλιππος fílippos with double "π", not double "l". – Just a little onomastic fillip from the Doctor.) <<
Fascinating! Thanks for sharing.