Story: "Coming Around" (Part 8 of 14)
Apr. 16th, 2013 12:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," and "Splash."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Bruce Banner, Hulk.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Inferences of past child/domestic abuse. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Phil shows Bruce the cute pictures of the team helping Hulk clean up after the bilgesnipe fight. Bruce finds the whole idea more confusing than pleasing.
Notes: Teamwork. Friendship. Flangst. Hurt/comfort. Dysfunctional relationship dynamics. Trust issues. Safety and security. ALL THE FEELS. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Personal growth. Family of choice.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7. Skip to Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14.
"Coming Around" Part 8
The more they talked, the more Phil realized another key difference between Hulk and Bruce. Hulk had a fine intrapersonal awareness, always alert to his own feelings and those that spilled over to him from Bruce. Hulk also seemed to have a higher interpersonal intelligence; as soon as he found people who were friendly instead of hostile, he started trying to reach out and attend the relationships between them.
On the other hand, Bruce really didn't have much skill in those areas. He had better verbal expression and a keen interest in conflict resolution, but that's where it stopped. He pushed away his own feelings, using Hulk as an emotional garbage can. Bruce fumbled through interactions even with people he liked. He could scarcely make sense of the relationship dynamics with someone else explaining them for him. It would take more time, and more repetition, to make up for past lacks and bad experiences.
"I'm sorry that you find this distressing rather than reassuring, Bruce, but you need to hear it. You can't make good decisions without good information," Phil said. He reached out to stroke Bruce's shoulder, feeling the quiver of tired muscles under his hand. This time Bruce didn't pull away.
"I don't know what you mean ..." Bruce said wearily.
"You and Hulk have friends in common that neither of you have driven away, because all of us have quirks of our own that both of you accommodate in return," Phil said. "We want to see you make peace with each other. We'll help as much as we can. That's what makes a healthy team work, Bruce -- or a family, for that matter -- the readiness to compensate for each other's strengths and weaknesses." As impressive as Bruce-and-Hulk were now, Phil knew they would become even more formidable once they learned to work together.
"I'll grant you the rest of the Avengers are broken in one way or another, Phil, but you're fine," Bruce said. "You don't need us to protect you or put up with you. You could work with anyone."
"And I choose to work with you," Phil said promptly. "Hulk has blocked people from shooting at me more than once, and he's not the only one who looks out for me. Bruce, don't overestimate me. How 'fine' was I the night you made me hot chocolate, tucked me into bed, and read me a bedtime story?"
"That's different," Bruce said. "You spent a whole day thinking we were all dead!"
"Which completely shattered my composure, because I've lost people in the field under similar circumstances," Phil said. "Just because I'm functional doesn't mean I lack scars. Most of mine simply don't show on the outside." His chest twinged where Loki had stabbed the Life Model Decoy. Phil rubbed a hand over the spot that would have scarred if the weapon had struck his actual body, trying to soothe the faint burn and ache of it.
Bruce covered Phil's hand with his own, gentle fingers tracing the same path of invisible injury. "I guess we all have scars," Bruce admitted.
"You've got enough to beat some spies I know, and comparing scars is a popular game in that crowd," Phil said.
* * *
Notes:
Intrapersonal intelligence concerns an awareness of self. People with this kind of intelligence understand their own feelings, motives, and morals. They tend to be persistent, learn from their mistakes, and prefer a few deep relationships to many shallow ones. There are plenty of options to develop intrapersonal skills.
Interpersonal intelligence concerns group dynamics and relationships between different people. Folks with this type of intellegence tend to be fluent at communication, friendship, and conflict resolution. There are ways to practice interpersonal abilities.
An emotional toilet or emotional garbage can is someone that other people use for venting their problems or feelings. (Garbage can is the version I came up with on my own; I was surprised to stumble across it while researching something else.) This can be a friend who listens and helps to sort out or banish the negativity. It can also be someone who gets dumped on and can't or won't say no. There's a general human tendency to stuff negative emotions like garbage in a can, especially strong in abuse survivors. It's important to take out the emotional trash. Here's a meditation using the garbage metaphor.
EDIT 4/17/13: Thanks todreamwriteremmy for mentioning the "Trashie" exercise for getting rid of negative emotions.
[To be continued in Part 9 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Bruce Banner, Hulk.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Inferences of past child/domestic abuse. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Phil shows Bruce the cute pictures of the team helping Hulk clean up after the bilgesnipe fight. Bruce finds the whole idea more confusing than pleasing.
Notes: Teamwork. Friendship. Flangst. Hurt/comfort. Dysfunctional relationship dynamics. Trust issues. Safety and security. ALL THE FEELS. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Personal growth. Family of choice.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7. Skip to Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14.
"Coming Around" Part 8
The more they talked, the more Phil realized another key difference between Hulk and Bruce. Hulk had a fine intrapersonal awareness, always alert to his own feelings and those that spilled over to him from Bruce. Hulk also seemed to have a higher interpersonal intelligence; as soon as he found people who were friendly instead of hostile, he started trying to reach out and attend the relationships between them.
On the other hand, Bruce really didn't have much skill in those areas. He had better verbal expression and a keen interest in conflict resolution, but that's where it stopped. He pushed away his own feelings, using Hulk as an emotional garbage can. Bruce fumbled through interactions even with people he liked. He could scarcely make sense of the relationship dynamics with someone else explaining them for him. It would take more time, and more repetition, to make up for past lacks and bad experiences.
"I'm sorry that you find this distressing rather than reassuring, Bruce, but you need to hear it. You can't make good decisions without good information," Phil said. He reached out to stroke Bruce's shoulder, feeling the quiver of tired muscles under his hand. This time Bruce didn't pull away.
"I don't know what you mean ..." Bruce said wearily.
"You and Hulk have friends in common that neither of you have driven away, because all of us have quirks of our own that both of you accommodate in return," Phil said. "We want to see you make peace with each other. We'll help as much as we can. That's what makes a healthy team work, Bruce -- or a family, for that matter -- the readiness to compensate for each other's strengths and weaknesses." As impressive as Bruce-and-Hulk were now, Phil knew they would become even more formidable once they learned to work together.
"I'll grant you the rest of the Avengers are broken in one way or another, Phil, but you're fine," Bruce said. "You don't need us to protect you or put up with you. You could work with anyone."
"And I choose to work with you," Phil said promptly. "Hulk has blocked people from shooting at me more than once, and he's not the only one who looks out for me. Bruce, don't overestimate me. How 'fine' was I the night you made me hot chocolate, tucked me into bed, and read me a bedtime story?"
"That's different," Bruce said. "You spent a whole day thinking we were all dead!"
"Which completely shattered my composure, because I've lost people in the field under similar circumstances," Phil said. "Just because I'm functional doesn't mean I lack scars. Most of mine simply don't show on the outside." His chest twinged where Loki had stabbed the Life Model Decoy. Phil rubbed a hand over the spot that would have scarred if the weapon had struck his actual body, trying to soothe the faint burn and ache of it.
Bruce covered Phil's hand with his own, gentle fingers tracing the same path of invisible injury. "I guess we all have scars," Bruce admitted.
"You've got enough to beat some spies I know, and comparing scars is a popular game in that crowd," Phil said.
* * *
Notes:
Intrapersonal intelligence concerns an awareness of self. People with this kind of intelligence understand their own feelings, motives, and morals. They tend to be persistent, learn from their mistakes, and prefer a few deep relationships to many shallow ones. There are plenty of options to develop intrapersonal skills.
Interpersonal intelligence concerns group dynamics and relationships between different people. Folks with this type of intellegence tend to be fluent at communication, friendship, and conflict resolution. There are ways to practice interpersonal abilities.
An emotional toilet or emotional garbage can is someone that other people use for venting their problems or feelings. (Garbage can is the version I came up with on my own; I was surprised to stumble across it while researching something else.) This can be a friend who listens and helps to sort out or banish the negativity. It can also be someone who gets dumped on and can't or won't say no. There's a general human tendency to stuff negative emotions like garbage in a can, especially strong in abuse survivors. It's important to take out the emotional trash. Here's a meditation using the garbage metaphor.
EDIT 4/17/13: Thanks to
dreamwriteremmy for mentioning the "Trashie" exercise for getting rid of negative emotions.[To be continued in Part 9 ...]
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-16 08:46 am (UTC)You're welcome!
Date: 2013-04-17 07:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-16 12:06 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2013-04-17 07:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-16 12:10 pm (UTC)Going along with the trash metaphor notes this kids therapeutic technique also seems relevant. :)
Thank you!
Date: 2013-04-17 06:07 pm (UTC)I'm happy to hear that.
>> Going along with the trash metaphor notes this kids therapeutic technique also seems relevant. :) <<
I've added that to the resource list, thanks.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-16 02:08 pm (UTC)You're welcome!
Date: 2013-04-16 04:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-16 02:13 pm (UTC)As always I adore this series and enjoy the time and care you take in dealing with the various issues involved. Thank you for also taking the time to include helpful links and resources at the end of each chapter. That is very much appreciated.
Thoughts
Date: 2013-04-18 01:10 am (UTC)Wow. I'm hope I'm doing justice to the content.
>> I did not have an other sharing space with me who I treated as an emotional garbage can and blamed everything on, but I did treat myself that way. I was absolutely terrible at intrapersonal skills and highly dissociative. <<
Ouchie.
>> A large focus of my therapy and treatment over the years has been on building those skills, and remembering to take out the emotional trash. <<
That's good to hear. It's an important skill set to have. I wish this stuff was taught more widely.
>>It is interesting because after a decade of hard work I come across like Phil does in this story-functional, aware and healthy.<<
I'm glad to hear that. Phil is a great handler precisely because he has these skills that not everyone else has. He can take broken but highly-skilled people and make them more functional over time.
>> I was very pleased with Phil's gentle reminder to Bruce that we all have our scars, and not all of those scars are visible. <<
I'm glad it worked for you. That's true anywhere, and it's something that people often forget.
But it's especially true in a group like the Avengers, where some people have exceptionally wretched history and/or some kind of healing factor that makes physical scarring unlikely. Steve looks perfect, and he's among the more functional members of the team; but it hurts him when people overlook the very real and sizable damage that he's taken.
Plus which, the team is meshed enough now that when one member engages in self-destructive behavior, it hurts everyone else too. Back when they first started, they were perfectly willing to split up, hide in their own space, and ignore how messed up everyone else was. That's no longer the case.
>> As always I adore this series and enjoy the time and care you take in dealing with the various issues involved. <<
That's really good to hear. I try to be careful with the touchy topics, because I think they need more coverage than they get, and people don't always handle them precisely.
>> Thank you for also taking the time to include helpful links and resources at the end of each chapter. That is very much appreciated. <<
This seems to be a very popular feature, so I'm keeping it up. It's helpful to hear what people like and why. Thanks for sharing that.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2013-04-18 02:25 am (UTC)No worries there. You've done an excellent job with the content.
I very much wish that intrapersonal and emotional health skills were taught more widely. That would benefit so many people.
This is an excellent point. It really shows how a intimate relationships work, and how the health and well-being of one person within the relationship interplays with the health and well-being of others in the relationship.
You have done a fabulous job with this series. Thank you again.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2013-04-18 07:42 am (UTC)That's good to hear.
>>I very much wish that intrapersonal and emotional health skills were taught more widely. That would benefit so many people.<<
Sooth. I think it would save a lot of heartache.
>>It really shows how a intimate relationships work, and how the health and well-being of one person within the relationship interplays with the health and well-being of others in the relationship.<<
It takes time to turn a handful of battered individuals into an effective team, let alone a family. But once that happens, it changes everything, and people don't always realize it before they start tripping over things that just weren't there before. On the bright side, it's a lot easier to heal the damage with other people available for support.
>>You have done a fabulous job with this series. Thank you again.<<
You're welcome! I'm glad you're enjoying this.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-17 07:10 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2013-04-17 08:26 am (UTC)I'm glad you find it useful. Actually my discovery of it was in the midst of an argument when I yelled at someone not to do that to me. I'm a terrific problem-solver; I'm the wrong person if the job is just listening to crud without doing anything about it.
>> I hope Phil is going to manage to get through Bruce's defenses (not an easy task!) and at least make him accept to rethink a few things! <<
Bruce will come around eventually. Part of that is Phil helping. Part is just that Bruce isn't an idiot and the changing data is going to add up. The hard part is this crisis point where there's too much new data to ignore, too many people buddying up to Hulk, and not enough for Bruce to get a handle on yet. That kind of emotional wipeout is always awful.
>> I was thinking today how glad I am that Phil is alive in your 'verse! <<
Sooth. Losing Phil would rip the guts out of Clint and Natasha. Fury's vicious card trick would have done far more damage than good for Steve and Tony. That leaves Bruce-and-Hulk, who are already dysfunctional. Well, and Thor, who's currently in Asgard. Not much left of a team that way.
>> Thanks for this, for the great story, and for the links! <<
I'm glad you're enjoying it so much. Thanks for the steady feedback!