Story: "Birthday Girl" (Part 7 of 18)
Apr. 29th, 2013 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," "Splash," and "Coming Around."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Inferences of past child abuse. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Doombots crash a beautiful spring day in the park. The Avengers clean up the mess. This includes Natasha's rather confused longing for something she never had: a birthday party.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. Friendship. Confusion. Hulk is a genius too. Fluff. Making up for lost time. Birthday. Cultural traditions. Games. Gifts. Cake. The cake is never a lie! Tickling. Trust issues. Safety and security. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Personal growth. Family of choice.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6. Skip to Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18.
"Birthday Girl" Part 7
Comfort food would help soothe everyone. Phil had actually studied that, years ago. He knew the emotional effects of something familiar, something with pleasant associations. He knew the physical effects of warm rich food, the link between scent and memory, the subtle touch of fat and sugar and nutrients. Eating chili was almost a ritual unto itself: filling the bowl, feeling the dry crackers crumble under his fingertips, pushing them carefully under the surface with the back of the spoon. He savored the first bite, deep meaty flavor with bright spices and the white prickle of salt. Phil smiled and sat back to watch the movie.
To no one's surprise, Steve and Bruce fell asleep before the end. Phil quietly fetched some blankets and tucked them in. Neither of the men stirred under his gentle touch. Phil was taking the dishes to the sink when Natasha came up behind him.
"I think about it sometimes," she said as if continuing a conversation they'd been having aloud all along. "I want it sometimes. What they have. A life as nobody, instead of Black Widow. A chance to be happy."
Phil turned around. Natasha was clinging to the doorframe, her face pale and pinched. Her eyes glimmered in the dimmed light. "I can't give you that, though I would if I could, if it's what you truly wanted," Phil said. "I hope that I can give you a chance to be Black Widow and be happy."
"Do you think it's terribly pathetic of me? I made mistakes today," said Natasha. A single tear spilled over to trickle down her cheek.
"Everyone makes mistakes, Natasha. You're not pathetic. You're human, and I prefer you that way," Phil said.
"Remember what I told you about the difference between the good guys and the bad guys? They fight because they like it. We fight because we care about people. Let's keep it that way."
"Yes, sir," she said softly.
"Besides, your cooperative skills have improved a great deal," Phil said. "Teamwork in general is better now. You're not working alone anymore. Yes, keeping track of other people will cost you a bit of reaction speed. It also means you can coordinate attacks for greater effect, and if something goes wrong, you have people to cover for you. That's what teammates are for."
Natasha nodded. "I was terrible at that when we first worked together," she said. "I had worked with a partner before, but it was always ... I had to think about it all the time."
"Now it comes more naturally," Phil observed. "That can be disconcerting until you get used to it."
"I don't want just any old day," Natasha said in an abrupt switchback of topic. "If I'm going to claim a birthday, I want it to mean something."
"Pick any meaningful day you want," Phil said. "The day you escaped from the Red Room? The anniversary of the Avengers forming?"
"How about the day I brought you in?" Clint said quietly, stepping into the kitchen with them. "That's coming up next week."
* * *
Notes:
Comfort food comprises a broad range of things that people eat when they're feeling down. The physical and chemical qualities of the food have a soothing effect. You can find recipes for comfort food online.
Natasha thinks of herself as abnormal and other people as normal. She believes that normal people are basically innocent of the violence that dominates her life, and are therefore happier. Comparisons wreck self-esteem. "Other people are happier than me" is one of the major misconceptions of life. There are steps for cultivating happiness. Even the idea of "normal" is debatable, and it's culturally subjective. It helps to accept yourself.
Making mistakes is a natural part of life. Unfortunately, people often blame themselves for things that aren't their fault, or blame themselves out of proportion to the nature of the mistake. Survivors of abuse are especially prone to this because abusers heap blame on their victims. Then the self-blame causes further problems. There are steps to self-acceptance and tips for dealing with mistakes.
Phil raises questions about why people become heroes or become villains, and what influences them to cross the line.
[To be continued in Part 8 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Inferences of past child abuse. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Doombots crash a beautiful spring day in the park. The Avengers clean up the mess. This includes Natasha's rather confused longing for something she never had: a birthday party.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. Friendship. Confusion. Hulk is a genius too. Fluff. Making up for lost time. Birthday. Cultural traditions. Games. Gifts. Cake. The cake is never a lie! Tickling. Trust issues. Safety and security. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Personal growth. Family of choice.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6. Skip to Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18.
"Birthday Girl" Part 7
Comfort food would help soothe everyone. Phil had actually studied that, years ago. He knew the emotional effects of something familiar, something with pleasant associations. He knew the physical effects of warm rich food, the link between scent and memory, the subtle touch of fat and sugar and nutrients. Eating chili was almost a ritual unto itself: filling the bowl, feeling the dry crackers crumble under his fingertips, pushing them carefully under the surface with the back of the spoon. He savored the first bite, deep meaty flavor with bright spices and the white prickle of salt. Phil smiled and sat back to watch the movie.
To no one's surprise, Steve and Bruce fell asleep before the end. Phil quietly fetched some blankets and tucked them in. Neither of the men stirred under his gentle touch. Phil was taking the dishes to the sink when Natasha came up behind him.
"I think about it sometimes," she said as if continuing a conversation they'd been having aloud all along. "I want it sometimes. What they have. A life as nobody, instead of Black Widow. A chance to be happy."
Phil turned around. Natasha was clinging to the doorframe, her face pale and pinched. Her eyes glimmered in the dimmed light. "I can't give you that, though I would if I could, if it's what you truly wanted," Phil said. "I hope that I can give you a chance to be Black Widow and be happy."
"Do you think it's terribly pathetic of me? I made mistakes today," said Natasha. A single tear spilled over to trickle down her cheek.
"Everyone makes mistakes, Natasha. You're not pathetic. You're human, and I prefer you that way," Phil said.
"Remember what I told you about the difference between the good guys and the bad guys? They fight because they like it. We fight because we care about people. Let's keep it that way."
"Yes, sir," she said softly.
"Besides, your cooperative skills have improved a great deal," Phil said. "Teamwork in general is better now. You're not working alone anymore. Yes, keeping track of other people will cost you a bit of reaction speed. It also means you can coordinate attacks for greater effect, and if something goes wrong, you have people to cover for you. That's what teammates are for."
Natasha nodded. "I was terrible at that when we first worked together," she said. "I had worked with a partner before, but it was always ... I had to think about it all the time."
"Now it comes more naturally," Phil observed. "That can be disconcerting until you get used to it."
"I don't want just any old day," Natasha said in an abrupt switchback of topic. "If I'm going to claim a birthday, I want it to mean something."
"Pick any meaningful day you want," Phil said. "The day you escaped from the Red Room? The anniversary of the Avengers forming?"
"How about the day I brought you in?" Clint said quietly, stepping into the kitchen with them. "That's coming up next week."
* * *
Notes:
Comfort food comprises a broad range of things that people eat when they're feeling down. The physical and chemical qualities of the food have a soothing effect. You can find recipes for comfort food online.
Natasha thinks of herself as abnormal and other people as normal. She believes that normal people are basically innocent of the violence that dominates her life, and are therefore happier. Comparisons wreck self-esteem. "Other people are happier than me" is one of the major misconceptions of life. There are steps for cultivating happiness. Even the idea of "normal" is debatable, and it's culturally subjective. It helps to accept yourself.
Making mistakes is a natural part of life. Unfortunately, people often blame themselves for things that aren't their fault, or blame themselves out of proportion to the nature of the mistake. Survivors of abuse are especially prone to this because abusers heap blame on their victims. Then the self-blame causes further problems. There are steps to self-acceptance and tips for dealing with mistakes.
Phil raises questions about why people become heroes or become villains, and what influences them to cross the line.
[To be continued in Part 8 ...]
Thank you!
Date: 2013-04-30 01:06 am (UTC)Steve is by far the most open of the Avengers. It's relatively easy for him to make friends and trust people. He can be very private about some things, but he's more inclined to ask for help or comfort than most of the others and also more inclined to want company when he feels low.
Bruce started out hiding in his lab or his own floor most of the time. He is gradually starting to open up and realize that these particular people don't want to hurt him and will in fact help if he doesn't beat them off with a stick. The more the other Avengers learn about how wrecked he used to be after a transformation, when even now it's still unpleasant, the worse they feel about his previous habit of crawling into a hole afterwards. He's not getting away with that again. While still grudging about accepting help for his own sake, he's fairly easy to manipulate for the sake of someone else.
I suspect Steve was killing two birds with one stone, wanting company for himself and wanting to coax Bruce into it too. Just because Steve was racked out on the couch this time, doesn't mean he quit looking after Bruce. I have to wonder if that'll happen again. It's working; Bruce has come far enough to relax in company, at least sometimes.
>>Natasha is the sort who wants to think things over and then talk to Phil quietly, not emote in the larger group.<<
Yes. She puts a lot of thought into what happens inside her head, because that's the only way for her to figure any of it out. She has very little tactile sense of what's happening. She doesn't like to make a scene and rarely wants to be noticed, so quiet conversations work for her.
Bruce tends to live in his head, but at least he's got Hulk to handle the feeling side of things, and some of that spills over. Bruce is invested, sometimes too much so, in remaining calm.
Tony thinks, because like Bruce he's very much of an intellectual -- but he usually doesn't think ahead with his emotions. There's almost no filter between thought and action for Tony. He lives out loud, slops emotions all over the place, so people forget that he can be very subtle and deceiving if he wants to be.
>> At least she doesn't think its futile or useless to try to surround herself with missed experiences -- a birthday party with friends coming to celebrate especially with her. <<
That's relatively new. Natasha is beginning to explore the gaps in her experience. She might not see the point, but she's learning that sometimes other people can explain or demonstrate it for her, and then she can get it. Which requires a tremendous amount of trust on her part, and that's a major theme once the party starts.
>>Oh this is skeptic7 -- waves again at author.<<
*happy wave* Thanks for signing the message so I know who you are. I'm pleased by how many folks are regular commenters on this story.