Story: "Birthday Girl" (Part 3 of 18)

[ysabetwordsmith]

This story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," "Splash," and "Coming Around."

Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Inferences of past child abuse. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Doombots crash a beautiful spring day in the park. The Avengers clean up the mess. This includes Natasha's rather confused longing for something she never had: a birthday party.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. Friendship. Confusion. Hulk is a genius too. Fluff. Making up for lost time. Birthday. Cultural traditions. Games. Gifts. Cake. The cake is never a lie! Tickling. Trust issues. Safety and security. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Personal growth. Family of choice.

Begin with Part 1, Part 2.  Skip to Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18.


"Birthday Girl" Part 3


Hulk did look sad, Coulson realized, but also concerned. So did Hawkeye. Black Widow is worrying everyone and doesn't even see it, Coulson thought.

"Not cry for Hulk. Cry for Red," Hulk said.

She snatched the ribbon out of his hand. "Nobody cries over me," said Black Widow.

"Okay, so Banner's not the only one around here working with some seriously outdated information," Hawkeye said, looking at his sister.

"Want birthday?" Hulk asked her, his voice a velvet rumble.

"I don't know," said Black Widow. She looked around, her face still blank, eyes shimmering. "I don't know how to want such things!"

"Would you like to try anyway?" Coulson offered. In some ways she was the least flexible of them, and he didn't want to break her by pushing her out of character too far or too hard. It was difficult to coax her into exploring anything new; she had been trained to harsh routines. But Hulk was clearly onto something, and Coulson was beginning to trust the big guy's grasp of emotional matters.

"I'm no good at this!" she burst out, flinging up her hands. "I can't even want the right kind of cake."

Well, that's a complete non sequitur, Coulson thought. "As it's traditional for the recipient to choose, all kinds of cake appear at birthday parties."

"It's a wedding cake," she said in a small voice. "Made of black walnut flour. With whipped cream icing."

"Whatever you want will be fine," Coulson assured her.

"Birthday girl," Hulk said, lifting one thick finger to stroke the coppery riot of her hair.

Black Widow turned and stalked away toward the waiting quinjet.

"It's not your fault, Jolly Green," Hawkeye said with a sigh, hugging him close. "She just stiffens up like that sometimes. Been that way ever since I've known her." The Red Room had tried to turn her into an automaton, and nearly succeeded. It left her with a lot of emotional scar tissue.

"Hulk know," he said. His emerald gaze followed her as she disappeared. He draped a massive arm around Hawkeye. "Not Red fault. Bad people fault."

"Thank you, Hulk," said Coulson. "I don't think she would have talked even as much as she did without your help. I couldn't have gotten through to her alone." It had never stopped him from trying, though.

"If we got through," Hawkeye muttered. "It's like talking to a wall."

"Give it a little time. I'll speak with her again later," Coulson said.

Just then, Iron Man arrived with a rush of thrusters. "Good to see you, Hulk," he said. "It looks like I'm your ride home today. Cap's gonna be fine, but he's stuck in medical for a few hours. We can pick him up after debriefing."

Agent Coulson appropriated an abandoned blanket to drape over Hulk for the transformation. The shift went fast -- it was getting easier every time -- and then Iron Man bundled a woozy Banner into his arms.

Hawkeye was still carrying the purple balloon as they trooped into the quinjet.

* * *

Notes:

Resistance to new ideas is called neophobia. Once people adopt a stance, they tend to stick with it; ideology functions as a kind of mental immune system. This can be helpful if the base system is healthy, or harmful if it's flawed. Some organizations train people not to question customs or try new things, as a means of control.  Mind control itself is a form of emotional abuse.  Opportunities open the way for novelty or resistance. It's important to try new things, and there are tips for doing that safely.

People who come from a deprived environment may show indifference to positive stimuli. They just don't react to things that folks usually find enjoyable. The deprivation can damage brain development, especially in children but also in adults. Survivors may have apathy, a general disinterest and lack of motivation; and/or anhedonia, an inability to experience pleasure. This can overlap the emotional flatline effect of depression.

Trauma, abuse, and deprivation can create emotional scar tissue.  This affects behavior later in life.  Like the physical equivalent, emotional scar tissue forms to protect injured areas and is usually less sensitive than the original.  People may deal with their own emotional scars differently than those of other people.  There are tips for healing.

The Russian wedding cake is real. Unfortunately I got the recipe out of a hardcopy book, many years ago; I no longer have it and can't find it online. But you can read about black walnuts, which it used instead of wheat flour, and a similar whipped cream frosting.  One of my readers found this recipe for a cake with lots of finely chopped black walnuts; not identical, but enough to carry the flavor.  paraprosdokia found a recipe for Hungarian flourless hazelnut cake, which is exactly the same approach just using a different nut to grind for flour; substitute black walnuts and it should work.  This recipe doesn't specify black walnuts, and there shouldn't be coffee in the whipped cream, but otherwise it sounds right.  Woohoo, this recipe is almost exactly like what I remember, although I don't think mine had filling.


[To be continued in Part 4 ...]

Comments

[pinkhairedharry]

I have lots of Natasha pheels and you've hit on most of them here. It isn't that she doesn't feel it's that they took away her ability to understand what she's feeling so she puts it all in a little box and tries to ignore it. She's doing pretty well for what was done to her. Also Hulk knows best. :)

Thank you!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>I have lots of Natasha pheels and you've hit on most of them here.<<

Yay! I'm glad I hit the bullseye.

>>It isn't that she doesn't feel it's that they took away her ability to understand what she's feeling so she puts it all in a little box and tries to ignore it.<<

Partly true. There is a substantial amount of outright emotional numbness going on there. Some things she just can't perceive, or not always, by reason of developmental impairment. It's like taking the bottom rungs off a ladder. But a lot of stuff, yes, she perceives but stifles because she doesn't know how to process it.

What's happening with her in the team is like what happens when a half-frozen hand warms back up. The feeling returns and it hurts like hell, and it's startling because it was numb and now WTF.

>>She's doing pretty well for what was done to her.<<

Just being able to put clothes on, talk, and not kill everything that moves is an accomplishment after what Natasha has survived. If you look at the damage scales in some of the links, she maxes them out. Frex, being coerced into hurting other people counts as emotional torture, the highest rank of emotional abuse.

>> Also Hulk knows best. :) <<

When it comes to emotion, he really does. It's interesting to watch this unfold because the other emotionally fluent people are picking up on it first: Phil, Betty, and Steve. Clint is starting to. The least emotionally fluent people are more prone to stumble over it: Bruce, Tony, and Natasha. Though at least Tony is good at interacting with Hulk.

[antivol.livejournal.com]

Hulk is becoming Phil's assistant psychologist, and he's pretty good at it even with the short vocabulary! Natasha's resistances are painful to see. And like a lot of us, she has preconceived ideas about how things should be done and thinks she's a failure because she doesn't fit in with those things... Interesting that she chose a wedding cake. Is she a secret romantic, or is that cake a particular memory for her? As usual, neat chapter, and thanks!

Yay!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>Hulk is becoming Phil's assistant psychologist,<<

Yes, he is, and you're the first person to peg that specifically.

>> and he's pretty good at it even with the short vocabulary! <<

I actually have some future ideas for expanding Hulk's vocabulary. Right now, he's short on tools but managing to make great progress anyhow. Kind of like Bruce doing science in a shack in the middle of nowhere.

>> Natasha's resistances are painful to see. <<

Sadly so. I hope it's not too much to keep reading though.

>> And like a lot of us, she has preconceived ideas about how things should be done and thinks she's a failure because she doesn't fit in with those things... <<

Part of that is innate. Most of it is traumatic training damage. Phil is still trying to ease Natasha into a more rational way of assessing her performance.

But Clint has many of the same issues and ... okay, actually, all the Avengers are perfectionists, though they've come by it in different ways. So it's hard for them not to reinforce that on each other, even though they're much harder on themselves than on each other.

I think the ones who've made the best cooperative progress on that are Bruce and Tony, with their lab-related agreements about not mistreating themselves, because they don't like seeing each other get hurt. I'm pretty sure they're framing that along the lines of, "You know how you hate it when I do X? Well, that's how I feel when you do Y, so please don't."

>>Interesting that she chose a wedding cake. Is she a secret romantic, or is that cake a particular memory for her?<<

It must be a memory, because as established in "Love Is For Children," Natasha is aromantic. Based on context it's probably one of the few, vague recollections she has from before the Red Room.

>>As usual, neat chapter, and thanks!<<

You're welcome!

[gingicat]

I'm enjoying watching the story develop. One question:

"Okay, so Banner's not the only one around here working with some seriously outdated information," Hawkeye said, looking at his sister.

Sister?

Okay...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>I'm enjoying watching the story develop.<<

That's good to hear.

>> One question:

"Okay, so Banner's not the only one around here working with some seriously outdated information," Hawkeye said, looking at his sister.

Sister?<<

As explained in Part 11 and Part 12 of "Love Is For Children," Phil amended the SHIELD records to reflect that Clint and Natasha relate to each other as brother and sister. That asexual relationship appears more in some stories than in others; with the focus on Natasha here, it's more visible.

[(Anonymous)]

Your links here: People may deal with their own emotional scars differently than those of other people. There are tips for healing.

are not working.

Great chapter! i love seeing Hulk help out and I wonder what Bruce's reaction will be.
- Mariposaluna

Fixed!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>Your links here: People may deal with their own emotional scars differently than those of other people. There are tips for healing.

are not working.<<

I redid the links. DW was inserting extra spaces for some reason. Try them now.

>> Great chapter! i love seeing Hulk help out and I wonder what Bruce's reaction will be. <<

Thank you! Yes, Hulk is learning to be more helpful. There are a couple of good big chunks about Bruce's reaction, although he's not the centerpoint of this story.

Survivors

[draggon_flye.livejournal.com]

Realistically, Natasha is a torture survivor. What happened to her wasn't solely child abuse. It was, but so severe that it was physical, emotional, and psychological torture. Bruce and Tony read to me like adult survivors of child abuse. Natasha reads like a recovering POW.

Re: Survivors

[siliconshaman]

That was my analysis as well. PDSD Prolonged Duress Stress Disorder more than PTSD. There's some distinct differences.

Re: Survivors

[draggon_flye.livejournal.com]

Oh cool!  I never knew there was a term for it.

Re: Survivors

[ysabetwordsmith]

Thank you! I looked this up.

PDSD is now described as "Complex PTSD." I think the former description is more useful for captive situations, and the newer one for bullying or harassment.

If you have more resources for PDSD as distinct from PTSD, especially the divergence of symptoms and treatment, that would be helpful.

Some of the main differences I see in Natasha compared to the most of the other Avengers:

* She was systematically abused by a very sophisticated organization with a specific goal, rather than a target of layperson abuse/neglect.

* She was not just harmed personally, but also coerced into harming others as a condition of her own survival. (That one is in the top rank of emotional abuse, rated as "emotional torture.")

So she has a high level of professional functionality, but impaired interpersonal and almost no intrapersonal functionality. She views perfectionism as a predicate for survival and personal weakness as a credible threat. She has a hard time feeling any kind of empathy for another person -- and if she does, she has no way to process it so it tends to create an internal logjam.

If she pushes up the reaction speed by viewing everything as target/distraction, the quarry success goes up but so does the collateral damage, and the teamwork goes way down. If she works on developing an awareness of other people, the teamwork goes up well and the collateral damage goes down but the speed and quarry success drop slightly -- and even minor errors activate the survival-panic.

This is one of those cases where an issue is just too explosive to work on it directly. The most effective approach is exactly what Phil has done with game night: work on something else that's closely enough related it will eventually spill over. Teambonding helps undo some of the damage from the Red Room.

Re: Survivors

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>Realistically, Natasha is a torture survivor. What happened to her wasn't solely child abuse. It was, but so severe that it was physical, emotional, and psychological torture. <<

True. I actually found a scale for emotional abuse in one of the linked articles. Coercing someone to harm others is emotional torture, the top of the scale. I suspect that erasing someone's personality and rewriting it would top out psychological torture. Physical torture ... might or might not cap out. She still looks normal and is fully functional. I'd tend to rank crippling injuries as the top of that scale.

And I think Natasha is secretly jealous of Tony.

>> Bruce and Tony read to me like adult survivors of child abuse. Natasha reads like a recovering POW. <<

Also true. I think it reflects what did the lasting damage, though, rather than what they survived. Tony and Bruce were already broken when, as adults, people went after them again. But as adults, they were more able to fight back or flee, with varying amounts of success. Based on studies of PTSD, what tends to do the most lasting damage is being helpless.

But if you look at it, Tony and Bruce have both been kidnapped, enslaved, and tortured. It was just shorter, and more tellingly, done by people who amounted to thugs rather than sophisticated psychological hack-artists. That's easier for a willful victim to resist than fully trained brainwashing. What happened is they picked up a few new quirks and an added layer of hypervigilance, but most of the pattern was already set for both of them. I suspect Clint falls in this area too.

Steve is different. He was bullied, severely and frequently, for years. But it didn't damage him. The most it did was give him a sturdy "I don't like bullies" meme. He wasn't even maliciously inclined toward Nazis, just wanted to stop them. Most humans are contextual, but there are always a few who aren't. Granted, Steve had Bucky to teach him about healthy reactions, but I think it's his unshakeable moral compass that made the difference.

Re: Survivors

[tresta]

I actually found a scale for emotional abuse in one of the linked articles. Coercing someone to harm others is emotional torture, the top of the scale.

I know it was a while ago, but do you still recall which of the links it was? I would like to review it but couldn't find what you meant.

Physical torture ... might or might not cap out. She still looks normal and is fully functional. I'd tend to rank crippling injuries as the top of that scale.

And I think Natasha is secretly jealous of Tony.

Why do you think she feels that way? Because Tony did sustain crippling injuries and so is hurt "on the outside?" Leaving aside Tony's tendency to hide in plain sight and mask what really troubles him, is Natasha thinking that at least nobody will look at Tony oddly if he throws up a roadblock of some kind, or reacts to a trigger, because he wears at least some of his scars on his skin?

I could be way off; hope I haven't made myself look dumb here. But your comment intrigued me.

Re: Survivors

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>I know it was a while ago, but do you still recall which of the links it was? I would like to review it but couldn't find what you meant.<<

This article has the emotional abuse scale.

>> And I think Natasha is secretly jealous of Tony.

Why do you think she feels that way? <<

Because Tony engineered his own escape and killed the people who held him captive in Afghanistan, and it only took him a couple of months to do that. Natasha considers that an excellent success. She does not grasp that Tony considers it largely a failure on account of losing Yinsen in the process.

>> Because Tony did sustain crippling injuries and so is hurt "on the outside?" Leaving aside Tony's tendency to hide in plain sight and mask what really troubles him, is Natasha thinking that at least nobody will look at Tony oddly if he throws up a roadblock of some kind, or reacts to a trigger, because he wears at least some of his scars on his skin? <<

There might be an aspect of that, given that her own damage is invisible while his is visible. Often being able to hide weakness is an advantage, but there are time when the invisibility causes problems.

>>I could be way off; hope I haven't made myself look dumb here. But your comment intrigued me.<<

If you're deep-reading, you will never look dumb, because it's just not something that unintelligent people tend to do. Doesn't matter if you see the same things that I meant or not. You're looking for evidence and possibilities in the writing to clue things that haven't been said explicitly. That's cool. I love hearing what people are thinking, because sometimes those are ideas I can use in the future, or in another piece of writing -- and sometimes they do hit exactly what I was thinking, or even something that is true but I hadn't noticed yet.

[siliconshaman]

In his own way, Hulk is just as smart as Bruce, but with less experience having existed as a distinct person for less time. It's pretty cool seeing that.

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> In his own way, Hulk is just as smart as Bruce, <<

He really is. They share a genius-level brain, after all. They just tend to occupy different parts of it. So Bruce has the analytical skills while Hulk has the emotional and physical ones.

>> but with less experience having existed as a distinct person for less time. <<

This explains Hulk's initially narrow range of responses. As he gains experience, he becomes more flexible.

But it's also true that Bruce, along with most of the rest of society, values the emotional skills less and considers the physical ones to be ... rather crude in comparison. Not really helping them get along.

>> It's pretty cool seeing that. <<

Thank you! I'm glad it works for you. I tend to stick with some variation on these themes for Hulk.

Re: Yes...

[siliconshaman]

Talking of experiances...I don't ever recall seeing the Hulk eat in any of the comics. Which is odd, considering how much it must take to power such a metabolism, you'd expect him to be hungry all the time. Still, food is a very emotive thing... which leads me to think, given the way Bruce shuts off pretty much all emotion as much as possible and treats food as fuel, [and why Tony seems to use food treats as positive reinforcement in the films, because Bruce has no defences there] Hulk might be in for a surprise as the food gets him right in the 'feels'.

Re: Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Talking of experiances...I don't ever recall seeing the Hulk eat in any of the comics. Which is odd, considering how much it must take to power such a metabolism, you'd expect him to be hungry all the time. <<

In canon, Hulk is literally treated as a weapon: something to be brought out right before combat and put away immediately afterward. They don't even have the sense to practice with him outside emergencies, like taking a gun to the firing range.

Now consider that the fight-or-flight response shuts down the digestive system and other nonessential body processes, so as to devote all resource to survival. That's been Hulk's only mode up until recently.

Eating right before or after major exertion tends to result in queasiness or worse. The appetite isn't there. (It's one reason so many of the Avengers have atypical eating habits: the stress screws with appetite and digestion.) So while the comic writers probably didn't think of that deliberately, it does have a strong basis in fact.

Bruce crashes after a transformation because there's a tremendous expenditure of energy and a high stress level. It's an adrenaline crash, magnified. In this series, Bruce-and-Hulk are just now getting to where they sometimes switch front on purpose, rather than by reflex, so it's not as hard on them. So Bruce recovers faster. At some point, the physical exhaustion starts to wear off and he's ravenous.

>>Still, food is a very emotive thing...<<

Emotive and physical/hedonistic, which are Hulk's areas of expertise.

>> which leads me to think, given the way Bruce shuts off pretty much all emotion as much as possible and treats food as fuel, <<

Yes. I think it's also likely that Bruce's deprived childhood included erratic availability of food and other resources. Judging from the places he ran to, he aimed for where most white middle-class Americans simply wouldn't have the skills to survive -- but he did. Had to get them from somewhere, and I don't think it was post-accident. I think he deliberately bolted for cracks that most of his pursuers couldn't fit through, and it worked pretty well.

>> [and why Tony seems to use food treats as positive reinforcement in the films, because Bruce has no defences there] <<

Huh. No, I think that worked on Hulk, not on Bruce. It's speaking to a subconscious, physical level. It's not based on logic, which is Bruce's area.

Hulk caught Iron Man in the movie. It's been said that Hulk hadn't met him and would have no reason to like him, except for carryover from Bruce. But what did Tony do? He offered food, which isn't a Bruce-thing, it's a Hulk-thing, whether or not Tony knew that.

Now, Tony's social skills are crap. He wouldn't have offered food just to be nice, the way most people would. He'd have a deliberate purpose to it. He liked Bruce, so he wanted a way to make Bruce stick around. Tony thinks in terms of bribing people to be with him. It's not hard to look at Bruce and spot the resource shortage, so Tony immediately started wooing him with stuff -- and food.

I don't think Tony realized that, sometimes when he was talking to Bruce, it was Hulk listening. The whole "I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster" bit -- that was probably the first time anyone ever praised Hulk for protecting Bruce, and no more than the second time someone had any kind of nonhostile reaction to him at all. Tony meant it as a compliment; Bruce took it as an insult; Hulk is the one who caught the compliment. Bruce probably knew perfectly well that Tony was trying to buy his friendship, and wasn't very comfortable with that; but to Hulk, offering food is survival-speak for "I want you to continue existing."

Yeah. No wonder Hulk dove for the catch.

>>Hulk might be in for a surprise as the food gets him right in the 'feels'.<<

The more Bruce-and-Hulk pay attention to each other, the more carryover they get. Anything Bruce doesn't want, that he pushes out of his awareness, Hulk gets. That probably includes most of the body's appetite -- if Bruce gets too hungry, Hulk pushes for control. ("Bruce go eat, or Hulk come eat!") Bruce probably learned fast to eat when Hulk started pushing, thinking of it as a control issue, rather than a prompt for self-care. Because Bruce likes to live in his head, he doesn't take good care of their body, and that just has to drive Hulk crazy.

So now that they're under less stress and getting more carryover, Hulk is getting more interested in food and flavor. Previously Bruce has figured out some things that Hulk likes or doesn't like. It's about to get more interesting, not in this story, but some stuff I have set up later.

Thing is, Hulk is equipped to deal with this issue fluently, and Bruce isn't. Therefore when it comes to food: Hulk has feelings, and Bruce has FEELS.

Re: Yes...

[kitrona]

I didn't catch where Tony offered food in Avengers, unless you mean when they're talking in the lab right after they get on the helicarrier? Please expound on this. :)

Re: Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

In the lab on the Helicarrier, with a bag of blueberries; and the shawarma after the battle. Those two I'm sure of, although there may have been more.

Re: Yes...

[kitrona]

Ok, I totally didn't interpret it that way, and it makes sense. I just took the blueberries as "I have this yummy thing and you answered the question right, so I'm sharing", but it makes sense that there's a deeper motivation there. The shawarma... I didn't even catch that meaning either!

Re: Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>I just took the blueberries as "I have this yummy thing and you answered the question right, so I'm sharing", <<

That's what an ordinary person would do, who is used to having friends. Tony doesn't have friends. He has allies. He has employees who have developed mutual fondness. There's basically nobody in his life who likes him for himself, independent of what he can do for them. So he relates to people by giving them stuff. It's not about compassion or friendship as much as it is, "I can make it worth your while to put up with me" and in Bruce's case, "You don't have to worry about survival needs now."

>>The shawarma... I didn't even catch that meaning either!<<

That one's a blend of teambonding and personal reward too.

[shadynaiad.livejournal.com]

"I can't even want the right kind of cake."
Oh my gosh, that made me cry. Poor Natka.

I think one of things I really like about this series is that, even as you're addressing deeper things, I know it's going to be okay. Like, Natasha's got a vicious backstory to deal with, but eventually there will be cake.

Thank you!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> "I can't even want the right kind of cake."
Oh my gosh, that made me cry. Poor Natka.<<

I'm glad that you found this so touching. She isn't a very demonstrative person, so it's challenging to write her with high impact in emotional scenes.

>> I think one of things I really like about this series is that, even as you're addressing deeper things, I know it's going to be okay. Like, Natasha's got a vicious backstory to deal with, but eventually there will be cake. <<

You just put your finger on one of the key themes. I hadn't really thought about that, but it's a major part of the way I write hurt/comfort in general and this series in particular. Bad things may happen, but the characters will help each other through the rough spots and not just stand there watching someone else get crushed. Thanks for pointing this out. I think it helps explain why folks who started with the fluffy stuff at the beginning are willing to stick around for the crunchier plots later.

And of course, in my stories the cake is never a lie. This is especially true when I have asexual (Clint) and/or aromantic (Natasha) characters in play. It applies both to the literal and the metaphoric kinds of cake too.

[kitrona]

Yay! This was very touching. I just want to hug Natasha, but that would probably get me killed in horribly painful ways. :)

Thank you!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>>Yay! This was very touching. <<

I'm happy to hear that.

>> I just want to hug Natasha, but that would probably get me killed in horribly painful ways. :) <<

Yyyyeah. The other Avengers are getting more tactile with each other, but Natasha is definitely the least cuddly of them. She's barely up to accepting occasional comfort from the people closest to her.

Black walnut cake

[(Anonymous)]

This may not be the correct recipe but I did find a black walnut cake recipe for you http://artemisherbals.com/2011/09/black-walnut-cake/
Good chapter!

Re: Black walnut cake

[ysabetwordsmith]

Thank you! I have added this to the notes. It's not identical but it's much closer than anything else I've found -- at least it's a black walnut cake, rather than cake with black walnuts in it.

[natf]

OOo I would love that cake recipe. *sad* that you lost it. I wonder if it can be made dairy-free.

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith]

One of my lasting regrets. I don't remember if it was dairy-free or not, and have no idea if it could be made that way.

Nut cake

[paraprosdokia]

This recipe has been on my to do list for a while (I *love* hazelnuts); it may work if you substitute black walnuts?

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/8488/hungarian-flourless-hazelnut-cake

Re: Nut cake

[ysabetwordsmith]

Thank you SO MUCH! Yes, this sounds like exactly the same kind of cake, just using hazelnuts to make the flour instead of black walnuts. I'm pretty sure it would work. I'll add this to the footnotes.

The link you gave didn't work, but I was able to find one that did:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/hungarian-flourless-hazelnut-cake/

Is this the cake?

[jtthomas]

Every time I've read this story for the past year or so, I've gone on a Google hunt and tried, to no avail, to find the cake. This one fits most of the criteria: walnuts instead of flour, a whipped cream frosting, and likely delicious. (I have the feeling I'll be making it myself soon enough!) However, it doesn't specify "black" walnuts, which might explain its hard-to-find nature.
Here it is.

Re: Is this the cake?

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Every time I've read this story for the past year or so, I've gone on a Google hunt and tried, to no avail, to find the cake. <<

I do that too.

>> This one fits most of the criteria: walnuts instead of flour, a whipped cream frosting, and likely delicious. (I have the feeling I'll be making it myself soon enough!) However, it doesn't specify "black" walnuts, which might explain its hard-to-find nature. <<

It sounds very similar! There was no coffee in the frosting, but that's easy to leave out.

Re: Is this the cake?

[jtthomas]

Three years later, this cake (with a cream cheese frosting and whatever walnuts I can find) is STILL my favorite. So thanks for that.

Somehow or other, I have no clue when, I ran across the website for The Russian Gift Shop / Maison Russe out your way (Lisle, IL? Nearer you than me). Not sure if you would recognize either of the covers on this page, but maybe the cookbook is there?

[mashfanficchick]

Like ari_the_dodecahedron, I look for the recipe in this story every time I read it. In fact, my most recent attempt was only a few days ago. Unlike ari_the_dodecahedron, I did not find anything useful.

HOWEVER. Today, looking for something completely different (a recipe for traditional barley sugar candy), I found this site: http://www.hungrybrowser.com/phaedrus/archives.htm It appears to still be in full operation, and the guy who runs it seems quite successful at his task. So I thought you might try asking there.

Good luck!

P. S. Upon sifting (no pun intended) through his index, I did find something that almost looks like what you're looking for. Go to this page, and do a page search for Greek: http://www.hungrybrowser.com/phaedrus/m1210F10.htm#3

Wow!

[ysabetwordsmith]

Fascinating. The bread crumbs take it out of the running. But I have had readers come up with recipes that are very similar to the one I used. I'm not sure I could describe it precisely enough to pinpoint. If I remember right, it was listed as a Russian wedding cake and may have come from a Russian cookbook. It ground black walnuts to flour, and thus had no wheat flour -- I think it used four or five cups of those walnuts. It was frosted with whipped cream.