Story: "Coming Around" (Part 9 of 14)

[ysabetwordsmith]

This story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," and "Splash."

Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Bruce Banner, Hulk.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Inferences of past child/domestic abuse. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Phil shows Bruce the cute pictures of the team helping Hulk clean up after the bilgesnipe fight. Bruce finds the whole idea more confusing than pleasing.
Notes: Teamwork. Friendship. Flangst. Hurt/comfort. Dysfunctional relationship dynamics. Trust issues. Safety and security. ALL THE FEELS. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Personal growth. Family of choice.

Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8.  Skip to Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14.


"Coming Around" Part 9


"Ah, that's nothing," Bruce said. "You don't work in a lab without picking up a few souvenirs." Clearly he took pride in his identity as a scientist; he pointed out some of the more notable examples across the backs of his hands. "Exploding beaker. Liquid oxygen. Bunsen burner. Hydrochloric acid."

"What about these?" Phil asked, feathering a touch along the straight scars on Bruce's palm, and the thicker pucker on his forearm.

Bruce shrugged. "I don't remember," he said. "I've got enough that I can spare a few from the detailed log. I just wish the Other Guy would quit making more scars on the inside of me and the outside of everyone else."

"He doesn't mean to, and he's growing much more careful these days," Phil said. "His combat efficiency was barely adequate in Harlem, better in the Chitauri battle, and quite good now."

"That doesn't erase all the damage he's done in the past," Bruce said. "You can't ask me to ignore that. I won't."

"No, it doesn't erase anything. However, it does demonstrate a changing pattern," Phil said. "I'm not asking you to forget about your previous experiences. They're not necessarily wrong, just outdated. I'm asking you to observe new events with an open mind instead of viewing them through preset assumptions. In my observation, Hulk fights to protect you, himself, or other people. He doesn't fight for sport. He's not malicious."

"He is  malicious. He hates  me. He hates everything," Bruce said.

This man is like a moray eel, Phil thought, half impressed and half exasperated. Once he latches onto something, he just will not let go. He takes stubbornness to a whole new depth. Then again, I suppose that's kept him alive through things that would have killed a lesser man. Denying Bruce's opinion wouldn't help. The situation called for a more tangential approach.

"I can see why you might think that based on earlier interactions," Phil said. "Consider the more recent ones, though." He tapped the Starkpad, which showed an image of Hulk getting his hair washed. "Remember, Hulk asked us to show you these pictures. He wished to share a pleasant experience with you, but was frustrated by his inability to convey the memories directly. So he turned to us for help. Does that seem like an act of hatred to you?" It was clearly an act of love, but Phil didn't think Bruce was anywhere near ready to hear that. Phil hoped that Hulk wouldn't be too distraught when he realized that the pictures had made Bruce more confused than happy.

"I don't know," Bruce said. He gave a pained chuckle. "I don't understand most of what the Other Guy does."

"I get that," Phil said. "You two seem to have a lot of trouble communicating."

"We don't communicate," Bruce said. "He's a monster. He's the boogeyman. He's the beast in the basement banging on the pipes. He can barely talk, and most of that's on the level of Hulk smash. That's all he cares about. It's all he can   care about."

* * *

Notes:

Repressed memory comprises a defense mechanism to protect the mind from traumatic experiences. It shows up particularly often in relation to child abuse. There are techniques for recovering these hidden memories, which many people consider a necessary or at least helpful step in healing the damage.

Closely related to this is the issue of dissociation due to multiple personalities. Each personality may have some memories that nobody else can access; personalities may also share memories, deliberately or otherwise. In the case of traumatic memory, one personality may protect another by taking on the burden of those horrible recollections. Sometimes dissociated memories may reappear as dreams.

Combat efficiency is an expression of how much energy is directed at the enemy vs. other targets, and how effective one unit is at bringing down other units.  Ideally, you want to focus tightly on the enemy, exerting minimum effort for maximum return; and you want to keep collateral damage as low as possible.  Hulk starts out with very low efficiency, flailing almost at random.  Then he learns to focus on enemies, but still smashes a lot of random stuff.  Over time, he gets better at targeting and not hitting random things.  Hulk is never going to be a precision instrument like Hawkeye, but he's made a lot of progress -- and you can see a little of that even in the canon movies.

Analyzing patterns can get complicated, especially over time.  Thought patterns get engrained but they can be changed. It is crucial to pay attention to changes, because continuing to behave based on previous data can generate seriously wrong results if the pattern has shifted away from its original configuration.


[To be continued in Part 10 ...]

Comments

[antivol.livejournal.com]

This makes me sad for Hulk, that Bruce can't recognize he's capable of love. This is an amazing (super : )!) case of dissociation. Actually it's sad for Bruce, of course, because they're basically the same person... or facets of the same person. In a way, Bruce has become one of his own incomplete identities, because he's a man without anger who can't (won't?) process his own negative feelings. Good luck Phil... I think Bruce is the more traumatized of all the Avengers. Thanks for this great, thought provoking story!

[pinkhairedharry]

I love seeing your take on this.

[gingicat]

Phil has more patience than I. By a LONG shot.

Repressed memory

[draggon_flye.livejournal.com]

Am I totally off base or is there an implication here that the scars that Bruce can't remember getting come from abuse Bruce has repressed the memory of? Scars on the palms and forearms are, unfortunately, a horrific but not uncommon indication that a child, particularly a toddler, has been burned. This usually happens when an enraged parent tries to "teach"--and I use the term very loosely--a child not to touch. Of course that could be the social work training going into overdrive and I might be reading too much into it.