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ysabetwordsmith"Coming in from the Cold" is the next big piece in its series, dealing with Bucky and his continued issues with that piece-of-crap prosthesis. I'm posting each day within the story as a section unto itself, broken down into post-sized parts.
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk,""kintsukuroi," "Little and Broken, but Still Good," "Up the Water Spout," "The Life of the Dead," "If They Could Just Stay Little," "Anahata," "Coming in from the Cold: Saturday: Building Towers," and "Coming in from the Cold: Sunday: Shaking Foundations."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Bruce Banner, Betty Ross, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Happy Hogan, Peggy Carter, Sam Wilson, DUM-E, U, Butterfingers.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mention of past trauma with lingering symptoms of PTSD. Kitchen fail. Tony being a brat. Description of past deaths and self-destructive behavior. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: The Avengers celebrate Memorial Day by going to Washington, D.C. for the festivities. Emotional roller-coasters ensue.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Emotional overload. Coping skills. Healthy touch. Asking for help and getting it. Cooking. Comfort food. Holidays. Medals. Veteran issues. Nonsexual intimacy. Caregiving. Competence. Gentleness. Trust. Emotional confusion. Hope. Crowds. Memorials. Mourning. Letting go. Moving on. Photography. Parades. Storytelling. War stories. Nostalgia. Hand-feeding. Heroism. Public speaking. Flashbacks. Friendship. Counseling. Leaving early. Bots. Tony and his bots. Tony Stark loves his bots. The bots are Tony's kids. Bot feels. Bots being cute. Protective bots. Boundary issues. Territoriality. Making friends. #coulsonlives
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6. Skip to Part 9.
"Coming in from the Cold: Monday: Memorial Day" Part 7
Phil picked up a stack of plates and carried them to the table. As he set them down, Natasha flitted past and lifted the last bit of bagel from Bucky's hand, depositing a pile of silverware in front of him. "Don't spoil your dinner," she said.
Bucky's knife chimed against the glass. He peered into the jar of macadamia nut butter. "Wow. Empty," he said. "I didn't realize that I'd eaten that much. I'm still hungry. Guess I better get a fresh jar out of the pantry --"
"I regret that we are out of macadamia nut butter at the moment, Bucky. I have placed an order, and a new jar should arrive with tomorrow morning's groceries," said JARVIS. "Meanwhile, there is more Nutella along with almond butter and cashew butter if you wish something other than conventional peanut butter."
"Shoot," Bucky said as he stared at the empty jar. He looked shaken. "I didn't realize -- I didn't mean --"
Phil hastily abandoned a handful of glasses on the nearest counter. "It's all right, Bucky," he said, patting the larger man's shoulder. "We can always buy more." Out of the team, Bucky and Steve were the most prone to worrying about supplies. Everyone tried to find ways of helping them cope with a background that spanned the Great Depression and World War II.
"I just feel bad for hogging the food," Bucky said in a small voice.
JARVIS chimed in, "We have the ingredients to make a batch of macadamia butter, if that would make you feel better."
"Huh ... yeah, I think that would help. Thanks, JARVIS, that's a great idea," said Bucky. He perked up a little.
"I have placed a recipe on the screen above the counter," JARVIS said.
Natasha smoothly finished setting the table while Phil helped Steve and Bucky assemble everything needed for the macadamia butter. The food processor whirred away. Bucky washed and dried the empty jar, so that they could simply put the fresh macadamia butter in there.
The oven timer dinged. Betty pulled out first Steve's cookies and then Bucky's batch. The sweet notes melded with the savory steam from the crockpot. They all smelled delectable.
Clint sauntered into the kitchen and boosted one of each right off the cookie sheets. "Hot! Hot! Hot!" he yelped, juggling sweets full of molten chocolate. Half a cookie detached and headed for the floor. "Fuck!"
Bruce got a plate under Clint's purloined pastries just in time. "For pity's sake, put those down for a minute before you try to eat them," the doctor scolded. "You'll be miserable if you blister your tongue. Again."
"Buh iff so worff it," Clint mumbled around a mouthful of chocolate-chip Nutella cookie. Bruce rolled his eyes and put the plate on the table. Clint followed as if on a leash. Tony still hadn't arrived, but it wasn't rare for him to come late to a meal, or even skip altogether.
Along with the stroganoff, there were pasta and sourdough bread to use as a base. Natasha also brought out black bread and butter. Betty had microwaved a package of frozen peas. Everyone gathered around the table.
They ate quietly, now and then trading remarks about how the day had gone. The dance project fascinated Bucky. Bruce wanted to hear all about the parade and what else Betty had enjoyed on her outing. The stroganoff was well received; everyone encouraged Natasha's tentative venture into hot food. Clint had to eat gingerly around the blister on his tongue, though.
Phil noticed that every time Bucky went to refill his plate, he put some on Steve's plate first. Steve didn't even blink, the habit so ingrained that it barely even registered anymore. At least he wasn't eating with his forearm curled around his plate, the way he did when he felt nervous. Clint had resumed eating full portions, too. He even took a spoonful of peas without being prompted, and Clint was not a fan of vegetables.
Eventually it was time for dessert. They passed around platters of cookies. Steve had become quite fond of the chocolate-chip Nutella recipe after Bruce turned him onto hazelnuts as a good source of protein, vitamin E, and assorted minerals. Of course that reminded them that somebody was still missing.
Steve pulled out his Starkphone to ping the workshop again. "Tony, are you coming or not? We're almost done with supper," Steve said, a note of worry creeping into his voice.
"Busy," Tony replied. "I ate today. I'm sure I did. It's still Monday, right? Yeah. I'm good." He cut the connection.
Tony's definition of "good," while improving, is still not ideal, Phil thought.
Bruce sighed. "I'll take down a little bit for Tony and coax him to take a break. I'm trying to show him that smaller, more frequent meals can work better than gorging once in a while," he said. "Steve, give me a couple of the macadamia-white chocolate cookies. He'll eat those."
Phil was almost full, but he helped himself to one cookie of each flavor. These really taste good, he mused. The different nut butters made the cookies richer and softer, chewy in the center under a crispy crust.
As Bruce was scooping stroganoff into a plastic tub, Steve's phone rang. "Hey guys, JARVIS says my shipment just arrived, I've got some equipment sitting in the main lobby that I need in the workshop. Could somebody bring it down here, please? 'Kay-thanks-bye." Tony said without pausing for breath.
Steve was left staring at the dark screen in his hand. "Um ... that was ..."
"That was Tony," said Bruce in a wry tone. He snapped the lid onto the container and used a rubber band to fasten a clean fork on top.
"Let me take that," Phil suggested. "It'll be harder to convince Tony to take a break with new supplies on hand. He minds me a little better."
Bruce nodded gratefully and handed over the food. "Thanks, Phil. I worry about him, you know? Tony doesn't always take good care of himself."
"I'll pick up the stuff in the lobby," Bucky offered. "I know what it's like to get caught up in building something."
"That's very thoughtful of you, Bucky, thanks," said Phil. They left Clint clearing the table and Steve putting away the leftovers.
Bucky had no trouble carrying the several packages that waited for Tony in the lobby. Phil did take one long tube of something that rattled faintly, because it proved unwieldy with the square boxes. As they rode the elevator to Tony's workshop, Bucky began singing softly:
First you say you do
And then you don't
And then you say you will
And then you won't
Phil recognized the lyrics of a jazz song from the late 1930s. The tune was plaintive and a little sassy. It fit the awkward push-pull of the relationship between Tony and Bucky.
You're undecided now
So what are you gonna do?
Ah yes, that was the title, "Undecided." For all their uncertainty, though, the two men had decided to stick by each other. Phil felt grateful for their sincerity, however clumsy their efforts at mutual support.
JARVIS opened the door to the workshop. Phil and Bucky had to kick aside a pile of empty cardboard boxes in front of the door. Tony still wasn't used to having other people around his workspace, and didn't always account for the change in traffic.
The raucous blare of Tony's rock music surged over them. Bucky winced. It was nothing like the soulful jazz and lively swing that he'd grown up with. To him, this was just a wall of noise. Phil couldn't help but sympathize. He preferred classical and swing himself, although Clint had since turned him on to some of the better country and western songs.
Inside the workshop, DUM-E and Tony were headbanging away to the music. They toiled over something gleaming and complicated laid out on a bench. Neither of them looked up, intent on their work.
The opening of the door sent U and Butterfingers zipping into their charging stations. They plugged in with a plurk-plurk sound and both went dark. The bots were still skittish around people other than Tony. Usually when anyone else came near the garage or workshop, they hid.
Alerted by the motion, the engineer looked up to see Phil and Bucky, then waved the music down to a less ear-rending level. He bounced happily at the sight of the tube under Phil's arm. "Yay, they came! I so need these," Tony said, heading for them.
DUM-E dashed between Tony and the others. His engine revved to a menacing growl. The metal hand snaked forward.
"What the heck?" Tony said, trying to shove the bot out of his way. "Knock it off, you tinsel idiot, they come bearing gifts. We never turn away guests who bring us goodies."
"Tony, what's wrong?" Bucky asked. "I mean, you said not to hassle your bots because they're not used to people, but this seems like ... more."
"Yeah, um, DUM-E has seen what can happen when other people attack me, so he's got his reasons," Tony said. "He's a bit overprotective is all. Just don't harsh on him, okay? He is a sensitive little snowflake."
Bucky put down the packages he carried to show his empty hands. He did not encroach any further on DUM-E's territory. Phil held out the coveted tube at arm's length. Tony managed to snag the far end of it. "Yes!" he crowed. DUM-E whined in protest.
"Why is DUM-E blocking the path?" Bucky asked. "I've been down here before a few times. Usually they just avoid other people. What changed?"
"We're carrying things," Phil said, watching how DUM-E's camera eyes tracked the two vistors. "That can seem threatening, especially if you don't know what's inside the packages."
"Wow, he's really upset," Bucky said with a worried frown. He crouched down to put himself on the little robot's level. Then he took off his shirt. Thick scars fanned out from the seam at his left shoulder. "Tony, toss me the rim key."
"You'll need a chemical rinse if you take the sleeve off," Tony said, lobbing him the tool with an easy underhand pass.
"Yeah, I know. I don't mind if you don't," Bucky said as he unfastened the synthetic skin.
"No problem," Tony said. He petted DUM-E, trying to soothe the anxious robot.
Bucky peeled off the long fleshy glove and handed it to Phil. It felt soft, almost alive in Phil's grasp. This is remarkable material, Phil thought.
"Look, DUM-E, I'm just like you and Tony," said Bucky. He turned his palm up, showing it empty. Then he waggled his silver fingers. "See, it's metal. You know metal."
DUM-E gave a startled chirp. He rolled forward, then jerked back. Bucky held out his hand and waited. DUM-E inched toward him again. The three claws opened, servos whirring softly as the robot reached for Bucky. Then DUM-E paused, hesitating just before contact.
"It's okay, you can touch it. You won't hurt me," Bucky said.
"Gently, DUM-E," Tony coached. "No more than 3 psi."
"My hand can take a lot more than that," Bucky said.
"Yeah, I know, but it's junk and I don't trust it," Tony said. "Besides, I'm trying to teach DUM-E how to shake hands and most people won't shake with him. Except Rhodey that one time, but he stuck DUM-E with a joy buzzer and that was really not funny."
"No wonder the poor kid's so skittish," Bucky said. "I'm not that kind of jerk, DUM-E. I won't hurt you or Tony."
"Rhodey didn't mean it, he just has a rough sense of humor on the rare occasions when it lets it off the leash, you know?" Tony said. "I've known him since college. Rhodey was the only friend I had for a while, and -- and he's been around for DUM-E's whole life. So don't diss him."
"I just think DUM-E deserves better, is all," said Bucky.
* * *
Notes:
Nut butters come in many tasty and nutritious varieties. Here is a general guide to making nut butters at home.
Macadamia butter is luxurious stuff. You can buy it, or make your own. This recipe is just macadamia nuts, macadamia oil, and salt (Tony safe). This recipe adds coconut oil and honey (NOT for Tony).
Hazelnuts have a lot of nutrients.
"Undecided" is a 1938 song by Ella Fitzgerald appearing on many albums. Read the lyrics. Listen to the song on YouTube.
Tony Stark built three bots: DUM-E, U, and Butterfingers. While JARVIS behaves like an adult, the bots act more like rather young children. Read about DUM-E and U. Butterfingers is mentioned here. This is a baby picture of DUM-E with teen father Tony. Watch a video of Tony and his bots, including the scene of DUM-E saving Tony's life in Iron Man 1. This article has a little animation showing U. Here is DUM-E. Both of these show Tony's severe verbal abuse of the bots. He really loves them, but he doesn't know how to show love very well. Since children learn what they hear, imagine what conversations Tony must have grown up hearing. (Thanks Howard, you fucking waste of oxygen.) There are better ways to talk to children. Know how to deal with verbal abuse from your parents.
Situational awareness and threat assessment are useful in personal and building security. Threatening behavior can include things like moving closer aggressively. (DUM-E has trouble distinguishing between a harmless advance and a credible threat.) Another is carrying objects that might be used as weapons. Risk factors in employees include a troubled past. (Basically all the Avengers, and DUM-E has no way to know yet that these people will protect Tony.) There are ways to improve your situational awareness.
So DUM-E has PTSD, mainly from seeing Tony half-dead from having the arc reactor ripped out of his chest. (Thank you Obie, you fucking waste of carbon atoms.) PTSD can appear in children but with slightly different symptoms compared to adults. Here DUM-E shows hypervigilance. Know how to help someone through a panic attack or flashback. There are ways to cope with PTSD in the family and in children.
Bucky does exactly the right things by backing off and showing DUM-E that he is not a threat, instead of ignoring the bot's worry. Bucky uses nonthreatening body language such as crouching down and displaying his empty hand.
Gentleness is a virtue. In order to touch gently, robots need excellent programming and plenty of sensors. Tony has to figure out ways of explaining "gentle" to DUM-E, who perceives the world differently than humans do. 3 psi is just above average human blood pressure. There are tips for being a gentle person and teaching gentleness to children.
Traditional joy buzzers are mechanical, spring-wound toys. There are now electric ones too.
[To be continued in Part 8 ...]
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk,""kintsukuroi," "Little and Broken, but Still Good," "Up the Water Spout," "The Life of the Dead," "If They Could Just Stay Little," "Anahata," "Coming in from the Cold: Saturday: Building Towers," and "Coming in from the Cold: Sunday: Shaking Foundations."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Bruce Banner, Betty Ross, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Happy Hogan, Peggy Carter, Sam Wilson, DUM-E, U, Butterfingers.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mention of past trauma with lingering symptoms of PTSD. Kitchen fail. Tony being a brat. Description of past deaths and self-destructive behavior. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: The Avengers celebrate Memorial Day by going to Washington, D.C. for the festivities. Emotional roller-coasters ensue.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Emotional overload. Coping skills. Healthy touch. Asking for help and getting it. Cooking. Comfort food. Holidays. Medals. Veteran issues. Nonsexual intimacy. Caregiving. Competence. Gentleness. Trust. Emotional confusion. Hope. Crowds. Memorials. Mourning. Letting go. Moving on. Photography. Parades. Storytelling. War stories. Nostalgia. Hand-feeding. Heroism. Public speaking. Flashbacks. Friendship. Counseling. Leaving early. Bots. Tony and his bots. Tony Stark loves his bots. The bots are Tony's kids. Bot feels. Bots being cute. Protective bots. Boundary issues. Territoriality. Making friends. #coulsonlives
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6. Skip to Part 9.
"Coming in from the Cold: Monday: Memorial Day" Part 7
Phil picked up a stack of plates and carried them to the table. As he set them down, Natasha flitted past and lifted the last bit of bagel from Bucky's hand, depositing a pile of silverware in front of him. "Don't spoil your dinner," she said.
Bucky's knife chimed against the glass. He peered into the jar of macadamia nut butter. "Wow. Empty," he said. "I didn't realize that I'd eaten that much. I'm still hungry. Guess I better get a fresh jar out of the pantry --"
"I regret that we are out of macadamia nut butter at the moment, Bucky. I have placed an order, and a new jar should arrive with tomorrow morning's groceries," said JARVIS. "Meanwhile, there is more Nutella along with almond butter and cashew butter if you wish something other than conventional peanut butter."
"Shoot," Bucky said as he stared at the empty jar. He looked shaken. "I didn't realize -- I didn't mean --"
Phil hastily abandoned a handful of glasses on the nearest counter. "It's all right, Bucky," he said, patting the larger man's shoulder. "We can always buy more." Out of the team, Bucky and Steve were the most prone to worrying about supplies. Everyone tried to find ways of helping them cope with a background that spanned the Great Depression and World War II.
"I just feel bad for hogging the food," Bucky said in a small voice.
JARVIS chimed in, "We have the ingredients to make a batch of macadamia butter, if that would make you feel better."
"Huh ... yeah, I think that would help. Thanks, JARVIS, that's a great idea," said Bucky. He perked up a little.
"I have placed a recipe on the screen above the counter," JARVIS said.
Natasha smoothly finished setting the table while Phil helped Steve and Bucky assemble everything needed for the macadamia butter. The food processor whirred away. Bucky washed and dried the empty jar, so that they could simply put the fresh macadamia butter in there.
The oven timer dinged. Betty pulled out first Steve's cookies and then Bucky's batch. The sweet notes melded with the savory steam from the crockpot. They all smelled delectable.
Clint sauntered into the kitchen and boosted one of each right off the cookie sheets. "Hot! Hot! Hot!" he yelped, juggling sweets full of molten chocolate. Half a cookie detached and headed for the floor. "Fuck!"
Bruce got a plate under Clint's purloined pastries just in time. "For pity's sake, put those down for a minute before you try to eat them," the doctor scolded. "You'll be miserable if you blister your tongue. Again."
"Buh iff so worff it," Clint mumbled around a mouthful of chocolate-chip Nutella cookie. Bruce rolled his eyes and put the plate on the table. Clint followed as if on a leash. Tony still hadn't arrived, but it wasn't rare for him to come late to a meal, or even skip altogether.
Along with the stroganoff, there were pasta and sourdough bread to use as a base. Natasha also brought out black bread and butter. Betty had microwaved a package of frozen peas. Everyone gathered around the table.
They ate quietly, now and then trading remarks about how the day had gone. The dance project fascinated Bucky. Bruce wanted to hear all about the parade and what else Betty had enjoyed on her outing. The stroganoff was well received; everyone encouraged Natasha's tentative venture into hot food. Clint had to eat gingerly around the blister on his tongue, though.
Phil noticed that every time Bucky went to refill his plate, he put some on Steve's plate first. Steve didn't even blink, the habit so ingrained that it barely even registered anymore. At least he wasn't eating with his forearm curled around his plate, the way he did when he felt nervous. Clint had resumed eating full portions, too. He even took a spoonful of peas without being prompted, and Clint was not a fan of vegetables.
Eventually it was time for dessert. They passed around platters of cookies. Steve had become quite fond of the chocolate-chip Nutella recipe after Bruce turned him onto hazelnuts as a good source of protein, vitamin E, and assorted minerals. Of course that reminded them that somebody was still missing.
Steve pulled out his Starkphone to ping the workshop again. "Tony, are you coming or not? We're almost done with supper," Steve said, a note of worry creeping into his voice.
"Busy," Tony replied. "I ate today. I'm sure I did. It's still Monday, right? Yeah. I'm good." He cut the connection.
Tony's definition of "good," while improving, is still not ideal, Phil thought.
Bruce sighed. "I'll take down a little bit for Tony and coax him to take a break. I'm trying to show him that smaller, more frequent meals can work better than gorging once in a while," he said. "Steve, give me a couple of the macadamia-white chocolate cookies. He'll eat those."
Phil was almost full, but he helped himself to one cookie of each flavor. These really taste good, he mused. The different nut butters made the cookies richer and softer, chewy in the center under a crispy crust.
As Bruce was scooping stroganoff into a plastic tub, Steve's phone rang. "Hey guys, JARVIS says my shipment just arrived, I've got some equipment sitting in the main lobby that I need in the workshop. Could somebody bring it down here, please? 'Kay-thanks-bye." Tony said without pausing for breath.
Steve was left staring at the dark screen in his hand. "Um ... that was ..."
"That was Tony," said Bruce in a wry tone. He snapped the lid onto the container and used a rubber band to fasten a clean fork on top.
"Let me take that," Phil suggested. "It'll be harder to convince Tony to take a break with new supplies on hand. He minds me a little better."
Bruce nodded gratefully and handed over the food. "Thanks, Phil. I worry about him, you know? Tony doesn't always take good care of himself."
"I'll pick up the stuff in the lobby," Bucky offered. "I know what it's like to get caught up in building something."
"That's very thoughtful of you, Bucky, thanks," said Phil. They left Clint clearing the table and Steve putting away the leftovers.
Bucky had no trouble carrying the several packages that waited for Tony in the lobby. Phil did take one long tube of something that rattled faintly, because it proved unwieldy with the square boxes. As they rode the elevator to Tony's workshop, Bucky began singing softly:
First you say you do
And then you don't
And then you say you will
And then you won't
Phil recognized the lyrics of a jazz song from the late 1930s. The tune was plaintive and a little sassy. It fit the awkward push-pull of the relationship between Tony and Bucky.
You're undecided now
So what are you gonna do?
Ah yes, that was the title, "Undecided." For all their uncertainty, though, the two men had decided to stick by each other. Phil felt grateful for their sincerity, however clumsy their efforts at mutual support.
JARVIS opened the door to the workshop. Phil and Bucky had to kick aside a pile of empty cardboard boxes in front of the door. Tony still wasn't used to having other people around his workspace, and didn't always account for the change in traffic.
The raucous blare of Tony's rock music surged over them. Bucky winced. It was nothing like the soulful jazz and lively swing that he'd grown up with. To him, this was just a wall of noise. Phil couldn't help but sympathize. He preferred classical and swing himself, although Clint had since turned him on to some of the better country and western songs.
Inside the workshop, DUM-E and Tony were headbanging away to the music. They toiled over something gleaming and complicated laid out on a bench. Neither of them looked up, intent on their work.
The opening of the door sent U and Butterfingers zipping into their charging stations. They plugged in with a plurk-plurk sound and both went dark. The bots were still skittish around people other than Tony. Usually when anyone else came near the garage or workshop, they hid.
Alerted by the motion, the engineer looked up to see Phil and Bucky, then waved the music down to a less ear-rending level. He bounced happily at the sight of the tube under Phil's arm. "Yay, they came! I so need these," Tony said, heading for them.
DUM-E dashed between Tony and the others. His engine revved to a menacing growl. The metal hand snaked forward.
"What the heck?" Tony said, trying to shove the bot out of his way. "Knock it off, you tinsel idiot, they come bearing gifts. We never turn away guests who bring us goodies."
"Tony, what's wrong?" Bucky asked. "I mean, you said not to hassle your bots because they're not used to people, but this seems like ... more."
"Yeah, um, DUM-E has seen what can happen when other people attack me, so he's got his reasons," Tony said. "He's a bit overprotective is all. Just don't harsh on him, okay? He is a sensitive little snowflake."
Bucky put down the packages he carried to show his empty hands. He did not encroach any further on DUM-E's territory. Phil held out the coveted tube at arm's length. Tony managed to snag the far end of it. "Yes!" he crowed. DUM-E whined in protest.
"Why is DUM-E blocking the path?" Bucky asked. "I've been down here before a few times. Usually they just avoid other people. What changed?"
"We're carrying things," Phil said, watching how DUM-E's camera eyes tracked the two vistors. "That can seem threatening, especially if you don't know what's inside the packages."
"Wow, he's really upset," Bucky said with a worried frown. He crouched down to put himself on the little robot's level. Then he took off his shirt. Thick scars fanned out from the seam at his left shoulder. "Tony, toss me the rim key."
"You'll need a chemical rinse if you take the sleeve off," Tony said, lobbing him the tool with an easy underhand pass.
"Yeah, I know. I don't mind if you don't," Bucky said as he unfastened the synthetic skin.
"No problem," Tony said. He petted DUM-E, trying to soothe the anxious robot.
Bucky peeled off the long fleshy glove and handed it to Phil. It felt soft, almost alive in Phil's grasp. This is remarkable material, Phil thought.
"Look, DUM-E, I'm just like you and Tony," said Bucky. He turned his palm up, showing it empty. Then he waggled his silver fingers. "See, it's metal. You know metal."
DUM-E gave a startled chirp. He rolled forward, then jerked back. Bucky held out his hand and waited. DUM-E inched toward him again. The three claws opened, servos whirring softly as the robot reached for Bucky. Then DUM-E paused, hesitating just before contact.
"It's okay, you can touch it. You won't hurt me," Bucky said.
"Gently, DUM-E," Tony coached. "No more than 3 psi."
"My hand can take a lot more than that," Bucky said.
"Yeah, I know, but it's junk and I don't trust it," Tony said. "Besides, I'm trying to teach DUM-E how to shake hands and most people won't shake with him. Except Rhodey that one time, but he stuck DUM-E with a joy buzzer and that was really not funny."
"No wonder the poor kid's so skittish," Bucky said. "I'm not that kind of jerk, DUM-E. I won't hurt you or Tony."
"Rhodey didn't mean it, he just has a rough sense of humor on the rare occasions when it lets it off the leash, you know?" Tony said. "I've known him since college. Rhodey was the only friend I had for a while, and -- and he's been around for DUM-E's whole life. So don't diss him."
"I just think DUM-E deserves better, is all," said Bucky.
* * *
Notes:
Nut butters come in many tasty and nutritious varieties. Here is a general guide to making nut butters at home.
Macadamia butter is luxurious stuff. You can buy it, or make your own. This recipe is just macadamia nuts, macadamia oil, and salt (Tony safe). This recipe adds coconut oil and honey (NOT for Tony).
Hazelnuts have a lot of nutrients.
"Undecided" is a 1938 song by Ella Fitzgerald appearing on many albums. Read the lyrics. Listen to the song on YouTube.
Tony Stark built three bots: DUM-E, U, and Butterfingers. While JARVIS behaves like an adult, the bots act more like rather young children. Read about DUM-E and U. Butterfingers is mentioned here. This is a baby picture of DUM-E with teen father Tony. Watch a video of Tony and his bots, including the scene of DUM-E saving Tony's life in Iron Man 1. This article has a little animation showing U. Here is DUM-E. Both of these show Tony's severe verbal abuse of the bots. He really loves them, but he doesn't know how to show love very well. Since children learn what they hear, imagine what conversations Tony must have grown up hearing. (Thanks Howard, you fucking waste of oxygen.) There are better ways to talk to children. Know how to deal with verbal abuse from your parents.
Situational awareness and threat assessment are useful in personal and building security. Threatening behavior can include things like moving closer aggressively. (DUM-E has trouble distinguishing between a harmless advance and a credible threat.) Another is carrying objects that might be used as weapons. Risk factors in employees include a troubled past. (Basically all the Avengers, and DUM-E has no way to know yet that these people will protect Tony.) There are ways to improve your situational awareness.
So DUM-E has PTSD, mainly from seeing Tony half-dead from having the arc reactor ripped out of his chest. (Thank you Obie, you fucking waste of carbon atoms.) PTSD can appear in children but with slightly different symptoms compared to adults. Here DUM-E shows hypervigilance. Know how to help someone through a panic attack or flashback. There are ways to cope with PTSD in the family and in children.
Bucky does exactly the right things by backing off and showing DUM-E that he is not a threat, instead of ignoring the bot's worry. Bucky uses nonthreatening body language such as crouching down and displaying his empty hand.
Gentleness is a virtue. In order to touch gently, robots need excellent programming and plenty of sensors. Tony has to figure out ways of explaining "gentle" to DUM-E, who perceives the world differently than humans do. 3 psi is just above average human blood pressure. There are tips for being a gentle person and teaching gentleness to children.
Traditional joy buzzers are mechanical, spring-wound toys. There are now electric ones too.
[To be continued in Part 8 ...]
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-05 09:59 am (UTC)That's true for everyone incarnate. Souls are massive bundles of data. You can only fit so much into one body, one life, so you have to pick and choose. To some extent, I can swap off and download things I didn't pack in with me. But the space is still limited.
>> The linguistic stuff combined with farmemory might have let you be a coder if it were more important than social survival, for instance; apparently something about survival situations breaks up the sort of discipline that's needed to be a programmer -- unless you forcibly retain the skill. <<
It's definitely not social. I am social teflon. The problem is that this brain won't run that routine effectively enough to code in detail instead of in general. >_< It's like how I know how to play music, but this body doesn't have that talent.
>>In my case, I lost the skill because I wasn't practicing anything that relates to language (and thus the specific commands I'd use), but I retain all the flowcharting and task-breakdown skills because organization is useful when under stress and I apparently was going to need most of my math skills.<<
That makes sense.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-05 10:41 pm (UTC)Apparently, I think like a computer. Hit me with a box of numbers, and I go through one at a time and look for the highest one I've seen yet. Apparently the "correct" answer is to look at the entire block and eliminate whole swathes at once. Very strange. Potentially useful, but not in the least intuitive. I was attempting a MOOC on Python and it quickly became very awkward as the teacher kept explaining information that was intuitively obvious to me like it was difficult and confusing. I'm sure this happens to you a lot. It makes me wonder how useful I can possibly remain as computers get better and better at talking to people. Computers are millions of times faster than any human.
What I'd really like to do, I think, maybe, is be an accessibility advocate/consultant. If you want to make sure your daycare program, or public facility, or summer camp is accessible to as many people as humanly possible, you give me money, I come and check things out, then point out what can be done. Or, if you want to convince your local whatever to be more accessible, you hire me and I come and explain why being accessible makes you more awesome. Hopefully I'd be able to charge large corporations an arm and a leg and consult with nonprofits and public schools and individuals who don't have ridiculous amounts of resources for no charge. But that's not a job that exists. And I'd need to learn more. Some of it is stuff I can figure out, like what angles you need for a really accessible ramp for wheelchairs, and other stuff I don't even know is a thing yet. And I don't want to be self-employed at all.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-05 10:55 pm (UTC)That would be awesome. The world needs that job.
>> If you want to make sure your daycare program, or public facility, or summer camp is accessible to as many people as humanly possible, you give me money, I come and check things out, then point out what can be done. <<
It would help to having a scoring rubric. A section for physical things like ramps and grab bars, then inside that a checklist for individual items. A section for pyschological stuff like whether the staff have trauma-aware training and how overstimulating the place could be. A section for extra facilities like if they have a quiet room.
>> Or, if you want to convince your local whatever to be more accessible, you hire me and I come and explain why being accessible makes you more awesome. <<
That would be terrific, especially if you could codify some of the stuff into handouts on the benefits of diversity and how to improve it.
>> Hopefully I'd be able to charge large corporations an arm and a leg and consult with nonprofits and public schools and individuals who don't have ridiculous amounts of resources for no charge. <<
Yes, you can make a sliding scale. Many nonprofits do that.
>> But that's not a job that exists. <<
Neither was slaughterhouse animal comfort consultant, until an autistic woman invented it. Now her work makes slaughterhouses safer and more efficient for humans, and less stressful for animals. Because she thinks like a cow. It is really all about figuring out what you do well, and then monetizing that. Look for a problem people are having that you can solve.
>> And I'd need to learn more. Some of it is stuff I can figure out, like what angles you need for a really accessible ramp for wheelchairs, and other stuff I don't even know is a thing yet. <<
Much of it is stuff you could learn on the job, too. Start doing this as volunteer work until you feel confident about it. Frex, the obvious starting point would be the benefit lecture. That doesn't require detailed knowledge of hardware yet, it's all sociology. While building your network and public speaking skills on that, you could contact people with handicaps and organizations that serve them to learn more of the details. Then when you know more, start charging.
>>And I don't want to be self-employed at all.<<
That's a serious limitation. Hmmm ...
One option would be attaching yourself to a charity or nonprofit that serves people with disabilities.
There are also architects who build or renovate homes for disabled people, particularly veterans. Check out these lovely examples:
http://www.stantonhomes.com/specialadaptedhousing.aspx
Maybe a company that does adaptive equipment or facilities would like to hire you as a consultant. Or maybe they already have a similar job that you would like and could train for.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-07 05:11 am (UTC)Undoubtedly. The question is whether sufficient parts of the world to make a living can be convinced of that.
>>Neither was slaughterhouse animal comfort consultant, until an autistic woman invented it. Now her work makes slaughterhouses safer and more efficient for humans, and less stressful for animals. Because she thinks like a cow. It is really all about figuring out what you do well, and then monetizing that. Look for a problem people are having that you can solve.<<
Perhaps I should try to reach out to this woman, see if she has any advice.
>>Start doing this as volunteer work until you feel confident about it.<<
I got the idea from my volunteer work. I work for this amazing summer camp that I went to as a teenager, and one of the things I do is explain to my fellow volunteers why this or that practice is not good. I had a lot of trouble with authority figure pressure to do things that were awful, but the camp was still worth it. Historically, I've worked in an administrative role officially, but I'm on the team of people figuring out what they want to do this year because the loneliness was getting to me. The person who runs that program said to me that this is the thing I'm doing, and it got me started thinking. But of course I know Camp like the back of my hand. Who knows if I could do this somewhere else. It seems important enough to try, though.
>>That's a serious limitation. Hmmm ...
One option would be attaching yourself to a charity or nonprofit that serves people with disabilities.<<
I didn't go into detail here. I don't want to work alone, I don't want to be in charge of all the taxes and stuff, and being a consultant is scary, because it's not near-guaranteed income. And I'm not very good at keeping track of my life or actually doing stuff without an externally enforced schedule and accountability. But the things I'm good at - fixing paperwork and understanding accessibility - aren't things that lend themselves to regular jobs. For the first thing, I might be able to find another person to do the numbers things. The second and third are rather more of a problem.
>>Then when you know more, start charging.<<
On one level, this is totally sensible. But I'm severely underemployed right now, and it feels like an opportunity. I have fairly considerable savings, but I still need to find a stable income source that's enough to support 1.5 people and 1.5 cats (my brother and his cat live with me, but he has some income of his own) in a soonish kind of way. I tend to get absorbed in my work, though, and I doubt I'd keep working on this if I was otherwise sufficiently employed.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-07 05:14 am (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-07 05:36 am (UTC)That is always so. There wasn't a place for "professional poet" in this culture. So I made one. Doesn't work for everyone, but it's possible. You won't know unless you try. That's also why I suggested starting slow and small. It's a lot easier than trying to jump straight to supporting yourself with it.
>>Perhaps I should try to reach out to this woman, see if she has any advice.<<
Gosh, she has a website now! :D Last time I looked her up, I just found articles.
I really think that people -- especially folks on the autistic spectrum -- need support for finding jobs that capitalized on their aptitudes.
>> I got the idea from my volunteer work. <<
Good for you!
>>I work for this amazing summer camp that I went to as a teenager, and one of the things I do is explain to my fellow volunteers why this or that practice is not good.<<
There's another consulting opportunity -- and you've got references for it. Some camps are nonprofit but others are rolling in dough. Look for where the money is.
>> Historically, I've worked in an administrative role officially, but I'm on the team of people figuring out what they want to do this year because the loneliness was getting to me. The person who runs that program said to me that this is the thing I'm doing, and it got me started thinking. <<
Cool!
>>But of course I know Camp like the back of my hand. Who knows if I could do this somewhere else. It seems important enough to try, though.<<
Many skills are transferrable. Look for areas of similarity.
>> I didn't go into detail here. I don't want to work alone, <<
Okay. Make a list of things you do and don't want in your job. That will help you figure it out, and you'll have the list ready if someone asks "What can you do? What will you need?"
>> I don't want to be in charge of all the taxes and stuff, <<
Eh, I didn't want to do the top-end crap of running a magazine or an online school. 0_o I make a terrific righthand man for a leader I can rely on, but I don't want the paperwork or logistical overhead.
>>and being a consultant is scary, because it's not near-guaranteed income.<<
That's true. But it makes a good supplemental income ... or a backup in case the dayjob quits you, which is what happened to our household.
>> And I'm not very good at keeping track of my life or actually doing stuff without an externally enforced schedule and accountability. <<
Okay, so you need a framework. Put that on the list. Lots of people want that.
>> But the things I'm good at - fixing paperwork and understanding accessibility - aren't things that lend themselves to regular jobs. For the first thing, I might be able to find another person to do the numbers things. The second and third are rather more of a problem. <<
If you join a large enough organization, there will always be plenty of work for you to do. Maybe look for a consulting firm? There are ones that bundle together a bunch of different specialists.
>>On one level, this is totally sensible. But I'm severely underemployed right now, and it feels like an opportunity. <<
Then go for it, especially if it's really tugging at you.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-07 07:45 am (UTC)After doing a bit of actual research, I've found some people who do accessibility consulting, but it's structural, not cultural. (Except for one Canadian nonprofit that focuses on Deaf/hard of hearing accessibility. And it's not super clear from a quick look what they focus on within that.) Either website or physical structure building. Which are both things I might learn, but I'd rather do cultural accessibility (is that a good name for the thing I'm talking about?) as a primary focus. We have laws and buildings and websites, and until people really believe in it, it's going to keep being a problem. I do know a woman who did organizational transition consulting for a long time, and I'm hoping to talk to her about it, because she's good at that, and I figure there must be some overlap, and she's well-connected, so she might be able and willing to help me find a place to start.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-08 07:57 am (UTC)This is a terrible idea. I'll never convince anyone it's worth the trouble, and even if I did, I'll never really be able to do it properly. Hello, crippling anxiety. Do I even actually want to do the thing, or do I just think I do? So many questions! And it's impossible to do properly, anyway. Some accommodations are mutually exclusive. But not everything can be done properly, and it still ought to be done. And maybe a lot of it is insufficient creativity. How do I know when to quit, though? I'm probably getting ahead of myself.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-08 08:01 am (UTC)Your brain weasels are squeaking. I am getting out my mallet.
>> This is a terrible idea. <<
It is not a terrible idea. It is a terrific idea. Because the world has lots of people with disabilities whose lives would be improved by it.
>> I'll never convince anyone it's worth the trouble, <<
Well, that's possible. But there are other consultants selling advice that is a lot less worthwhile. I'm pretty sure you could do this ...
>> and even if I did, I'll never really be able to do it properly. <<
I am confident that you would be good at this, because you did a fine job of explaining it and you have done similar work already.
>> Hello, crippling anxiety. <<
*whack weasels with mallet*
>> Do I even actually want to do the thing, or do I just think I do? So many questions! <<
You certainly sounded enthusiastic the other day when your brain wasn't being eaten by weasels. So I'm going with you want to, and your weasels are panicking.
Don't worry, I have lots of friends with anxiety. I'm used to this routine.
Look for facts.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-08 08:05 am (UTC)I sincerely doubt that. You can certainly do better than the bupkis most people are already doing with accessibility.
>> Some accommodations are mutually exclusive. <<
So then you lay out the options, with the pros and cons of each. In that case your job is not to decide, but to enable your client to make an informed decision based on their site/budget/customers/whatever.
>> But not everything can be done properly, and it still ought to be done. <<
Yes, exactly. Start where you are. Do what you can.
>> And maybe a lot of it is insufficient creativity. <<
Your creativity is fine on non-weasel days, I've seen it before. It will come back, or at least, it seems to have done so reliably in the past. You can also borrow other people's creativity if you wish.
>> How do I know when to quit, though? I'm probably getting ahead of myself. <<
1) Don't quit before you start.
2) Look back over your list of parameters. If you veer outside your function zone there, and can't get it back on track, that's a sign to stop. Do have a rational exist plan in case things go badly wrong.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-08 10:06 am (UTC)I am aware of that. I just have to hear it from not-me. Also, mallet image is amusing, because of that game with the mallet and the pretend animals to smash.
>>So then you lay out the options, with the pros and cons of each. In that case your job is not to decide, but to enable your client to make an informed decision based on their site/budget/customers/whatever.<<
This is one of the few appealing things about consulting. Being able to be part of important stuff and a step removed from decisions would be nice.
>>Your creativity is fine on non-weasel days, I've seen it before. It will come back, or at least, it seems to have done so reliably in the past. You can also borrow other people's creativity if you wish.<<
I actually only a little bit meant my own creativity. I meant that people in general aren't applying themselves because they assume it can't be done. Which means I don't have to be #1 Most Creative, Inventive, Gifted, Genius Person Ever to do things properly. I also a little bit meant that I haven't come up with a good solution for the current problem at Camp yet. Of course, I did just decide this past month that I'm not just being a crazy self-centered person and this really does affect other people and I'm allowed to make a big fucking deal about it.
(if people are curious, I don't think I explained this, it's a 'thank-you bites' policy. For those unfamiliar, people are supposed to take 3 bites of any food they're refusing before they're allowed to ask for alternative food [we already have policies in place for handling pre-declared special diets and allergies. We're actually one of the best camps in the US, possibly the world, for dietary accommodations, even though that's not our demographic. Some kids come to us because of that, rather than because they fit our primary demographic.] The policy was made after a year when several kids were asking for alternative food at basically every meal, and that's super impractical for food budget and kitchen staff time reasons. And it sounds like a really reasonable policy. One could argue that because a lot of younger children are suspicious of new food they haven't seen before without good reason, it's good because, like, new things and not being a bother and stuff. But that's less important than teaching kids they don't have autonomy over what goes in their bodies. Consent, everybody, it's not just for sex anymore. Not that it ever was. More immediately problematic, for kids with texture issues or triggers around being forced to eat or eating disorders or what have you, it causes more immediate problems. If that had been policy when I was a camper, I wouldn't have come back. As it was, I just didn't eat properly if there wasn't enough food I deemed acceptable. If we always forced kids to eat with their cabin counselors, we could personalize things a bit more to avoid the more immediate problems, but we can't do that because the freedom to sit with friends for some meals is awesome and super important to the camper experience. And it doesn't solve the consent problem. Now, we could explain to kids that the kitchen doesn't really have time, and it causes problems, and are they really sure they can't eat the thing? But that feels uncomfortably like guilt-tripping. And we don't want it to be a standard action, because food budget and staff time. Kitchen staff are hard to find, and it's a super-intense job without a lot of room for extra work. We also can't let kids have extra food because the cabins are open-air and animals would get in. And also exclusive behavior and classism, but mostly the first thing.
>>Look back over your list of parameters.<<
I should do that properly. I have some of one, but I did it ages ago.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-06-05 03:24 am (UTC)"In Capitalist America, job quits you"
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2016-06-05 05:22 am (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-07 01:00 am (UTC)Nice thing about Python is, it's designed to be easy to learn. Annoying thing about Python is, once you've learned it, you have to abandon some of its best design principles to use certain very popular languages (like Java). Python lists and dictionaries are insanely useful for organizing data, but altering a list in Java looks weird to me. And error passing is hard, why do I have to tell all the classes up to the core what to look for instead of catching the error where I use the classes involved? And then having to separate EVERYTHING into different files instead of putting related classes into their own module.
But I rant. Moving on...
Worst thing about being in my head is, my ability to learn things has been severely reduced. So I can't catch up and get familiar with the differences, which would catch me up properly.