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ysabetwordsmith"Coming in from the Cold" is the next big piece in its series, dealing with Bucky and his continued issues with that piece-of-crap prosthesis. I'm posting each day within the story as a section unto itself, broken down into post-sized parts.
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk,""kintsukuroi," "Little and Broken, but Still Good," "Up the Water Spout," "The Life of the Dead," "If They Could Just Stay Little," "Anahata," "Coming in from the Cold: Saturday: Building Towers," and "Coming in from the Cold: Sunday: Shaking Foundations."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Bruce Banner, Betty Ross, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Happy Hogan.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mention of past trauma with lingering symptoms of PTSD. Kitchen fail. Tony being a brat. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: The Avengers celebrate Memorial Day by going to Washington, D.C. for the festivities. Emotional roller-coasters ensue.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Emotional overload. Coping skills. Healthy touch. Asking for help and getting it. Cooking. Comfort food. Holidays. Medals. Veteran issues. Nonsexual intimacy. Caregiving. Competence. Gentleness. Trust. Emotional confusion. Hope. Crowds. Memorials. Mourning. Letting go. Moving on. Photography. #coulsonlives
Begin with Part 1. Skip to Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9.
"Coming in from the Cold: Monday: Memorial Day" Part 2
After breakfast, Betty helped Phil to clear the table. Clint and Tony hastily stashed the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. People who hadn't already dressed for the trip, went back to their rooms for that before reconvening in the common room.
Bucky put his uniform coat back on, shrugging his shoulders in vain attempt to get it to lay right. "Thought I had the right size," he muttered.
"Good enough for government work," Steve said. "You know how it goes."
Soon they were all ready to go. They took Tony's private jet to Washington, D.C. The flight was quiet, everyone lost in their own thoughts. The sky was clear and blue, the weather pleasant when they landed.
First on their schedule was the ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery. A crowd of people filled the grounds. Tony's connections made it possible for them to slip through and find an excellent view. Everyone stood solemnly and watched the laying of the wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
Phil had to close his eyes for a minute, bracing himself against the sudden upwelling of emotion. Every time he came here, he couldn't help but remember all the people he'd lost -- the ones he served beside, the ones he commanded, and especially those who fell under circumstances that made it impossible to recover their bodies. Good job, he thought, with a mental salute to their memory.
Phil kept his breathing slow and steady. It wouldn't help to make a scene, although he could hear plenty of people crying in the crowd. It was the sharp catch of breath nearby that snagged his attention. Quickly he opened his eyes and scanned their little group for trouble.
"Steve, are you okay?" Tony murmured.
"No, not really," Steve said, his voice tight with strain. He looked pale and shaky in the warm spring sunlight. "This was ... this was us, Tony. Bucky and I were both lost for decades. Everyone thought we were dead, and this is the only grave we had. I never thought much about that until just now, and it kind of hit me like a load of bricks ..."
"Yeah, I get that," Tony said. "Bucky, how are you doing?"
Bucky didn't respond. If Steve was a little shaky, Bucky seemed outright shut down in shock.
Phil reached out and gave him a steadying touch on the elbow. "Bucky?"
Bucky startled at the contact. "Huh?"
That's not good, Phil thought. I think Bucky's had a little too much of this particular celebration ...
"Oh yeah, we need to get this show on the road," Tony declared. "Clint, you've got point. Make us a route back to the limo. Phil, get Steve and Bucky between us. Betty, you guard our backs." Tony chivvied the whole team into motion with a few deft gestures.
Behind them, the concert started up. That helped to keep the crowd stable. Clint was assertive but not rough about clearing a path for them. He used deft touches at elbows, knees, and waists to shift people aside.
It looks like we aren't the only ones bailing out early, Phil thought as he saw several other veterans moving away. He couldn't blame them. Emotions ran high on Memorial Day, especially here. Then a rising mutter caught Phil's ear.
Tony was scolding himself as he walked Steve and Bucky back to the limousine. "Dummy. Dummy. You should have seen this coming, should have known, you've seen it before. Dummy! Need to get them out of here."
Phil realized that Tony's self-talk was spilling out loud, unnoticed as the man focused on getting his friends safely out of the cemetery. The harsh recriminations grated on Phil's nerves. I wonder if that's how DUM-E got his name, he thought abruptly. The others fit a similar pattern -- I know that U is short for 'Hey, you!' and Butterfingers is pretty self-explanatory. JARVIS may be the only one who was named in advance, on purpose. The thought ached, a bitter reminder of Tony's unhappy upbringing.
The Avengers made it back to the parking area in snug formation. Steve and Bucky were leaning on each other, flanked by Phil and Tony for support. Clint opened the door for them so that Happy wouldn't have to get out.
Tony carefully tucked Bucky into the limousine. Next Tony guided Steve in, then finally climbed in himself. Everyone else took a seat as well. "Happy, drive," said Tony.
"Problem, sir?" Happy asked as he pulled away from the curb.
"Ah, Steve and Bucky crashed at the Tomb of the Unknown. You know the drill," Tony said.
"Yes, sir," said Happy. Soon he stopped at a drive-through and placed an order. Then he rolled down the partition and handed back several bags.
Tony put most of the bags between his feet and opened the last. He pulled out two large cups of orange juice, then passed the first one to Steve. "Here, drink up. It'll help," Tony said. Steve quickly opened it and took a sip. Tony reached over to offer the second to Bucky.
"Maybe later; I'm a little queasy right now," Bucky said.
"Phil, you're closest to the fridge. Get him a bottle of water," Tony said.
Phil leaned over to rummage in the limousine's mini-fridge. "Got it," he said, handing the water to Bucky.
"Thanks," Bucky said. He took the bottle and rested the cool surface against his forehead.
"Coffee and croissants, grab 'em if you want 'em," Tony said as he opened more bags. The Avengers shared the bounty.
Phil accepted some of each. He was intrigued that Tony's instructions had cued a sugar-rich beverage, some bland food, and nothing with a strong greasy smell that might cause upset. Tony really has done this before, Phil mused.
"No coffee for me, but I'd like a croissant, please," said Steve.
"Yeah, coffee after a bad shock, definitely not recommended," Tony said. He handed Steve a croissant.
Plastic popped and cracked as Bucky finally twisted the top off his water bottle to sip at it. "Thanks, Tony," said Bucky. "I'm sorry for freezing up back there."
"It was my fault. I should've known better than to suggest this in the first place," Tony said.
"No, it was a good idea," Bucky said. "I needed, we needed -- what's the word I read in those exercises? -- oh, closure. Coming here helped me and Steve remember that we're not dead, just got stuck for a while, even though people thought we were dead." He took a long pull of water. "It's just, we know what people were thinking about us, because it's what we thought about the ones who never made it home. Standing at the Tomb ... it was kind of like having seventy years of mail dumped on us all at once."
"Yeah. What he said," Steve said. He sounded a little better, though, and at least nobody had broken down crying. "Is there any more juice?"
Paper crinkled as Tony reached into another bag. "Sure," Tony said, handing him the cup.
"I think I'm ready for mine now," Bucky said. He finished his water and held out a hand for the orange juice that Tony passed to him. "Thanks for getting us out of there."
"That's what friends are for," Tony said. "I just wish things hadn't turned sour like that."
Phil mentally reviewed the event, now that he didn't have a minor crisis on his hands. Tony makes a more capable leader than he realizes, Phil thought. He took over when Steve was out of sorts, made a good plan, and implemented it. All our hard work on teambuilding paid off today.
"I wish we could've stayed for the concert, but it's okay," Bucky said. He picked the foil off the top of the orange juice and took a sip. "Steve and I need to get back into the swing of things, but sometimes we have to take small steps."
"It helps a lot, just having friends there for backup," Steve added. "You took care of us when we blanked out for a minute. That makes it a lot safer to try things, because we know you'll step in if something goes wrong."
"I can't hide from the world forever," Bucky said. He reached over and helped himself to a croissant. "I can't hide from what I did. I have to ... make it part of me, somehow, and move on. This is helping."
Formation of a post-traumatic identity, Phil thought. Dr. Samson had sent him some materials on that topic that proved more useful than what Phil had found previously. That made it a little easier to support Bucky as he integrated what had happened to him.
"Yeah, same thing happened to me after Loki ..." said Clint, picking at a croissant. He shifted restlessly against Phil's side.
Phil gave him a gentle squeeze of encouragement. Clint hadn't talked much about that, but maybe he was feeling the need more. "Go on," Phil coaxed.
"At first I couldn't remember much, just a jumbled mess," Clint said. "Then more came back, and it was hard to sort out what was really me and what wasn't. The more I looked at things and put them back in place, though, the better it got."
"Bruce-and-Hulk have a similar problem," Betty said quietly. "It's hard for them to keep their memories organized because the transformations are so disruptive. It helps to have friends who can tell them what really happened, so that they can integrate it. You're not alone, Bucky, Clint. We all need each other."
Phil rubbed a hand over the phantom scar where Loki's spear had stabbed through the Life Model Decoy. Would I have recovered from the shock as fast as I did, without anyone as anchor? Probably not, he thought. He had clung shamelessly to Clint and Natasha after reuniting with them. He curled his fingers around the coffee cup, a comforting weight in his hands.
"We'll be okay," Steve assured Tony, who still looked a little anxious. "You haven't messed up anything. So what's up next?"
"Uh, the next scheduled event is the parade at 2 PM," Tony read from his Starkphone. "I figured we could drive around for a little while, maybe get something more for brunch, then watch the parade. We can hit a deli after that. Steve's thing on moving Memorial Day is later this afternoon, and the fireworks start after sunset. We'll fit supper around those, depending on when folks get hungry."
Phil smiled. It's different, planning a trip for people with such fast metabolisms, but we're getting the hang of it, he thought.
Happy treated them to a rolling tour of Washington, D.C. Phil expected that the holiday traffic would make it impossible, but the chauffeur knew dozens of clever shortcuts and back routes that gave them excellent views of the monuments from unexpected angles. He narrated the sights with practiced skill.
"Happy worked a summer here as a tour guide," Tony murmured as they admired a flowering park from an overpass.
"I wish I had a camera," Steve said sadly.
"Phone, Steve," Tony reminded him. "Your phone is a camera, and because it is a Starkphone, it is not a crappy camera, although it isn't as good as one with interchangeable lenses. It's fine for snapshots, better than any point-and-shoot you could buy in a store."
"Oh yeah, right," Steve said, squirming so he could pull his phone from his pocket. "Some parts of the future I really like."
"Okay, turn on the camera mode," Tony instructed. "Touch the window and the car. That tells the camera to compensate for the fact that you're shooting through glass from a moving vehicle." Tony tapped something on his own phone, and the tinted window beside Bucky suddenly turned clear. "You should be good to go."
Steve leaned over Bucky, trying to reach the window. Bucky rolled his eyes and switched places with him, pushing Steve into the window seat. Then he had to buckle Steve's seatbelt for him because Steve was too busy rubbernecking.
* * *
Notes:
The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier figures into some Memorial Day observations.
Emotional overload can happen due to acute or chronic stress. In this case, Steve and Bucky froze up because of how the current situation interacted with their past experiences. Know how to handle emotional overload or help a friend through it. The key is to take the weight off, at least long enough to regain balance.
Self-talk is the voice in your head when you narrate your actions or talk to yourself. Usually it is silent, but some people talk aloud, especially under stress. You can actually hear Tony doing that in the movies. Understand how to silence negative self-talk, promote positive self-talk, and help a friend with low self-esteem. It can be very tricky to challenge someone else's poor (and inaccurate) image of themselves, without directly contradicting their right to their own feelings. One good way is to provide counterexamples: "I'm stupid." "You feel stupid, but you figured out yesterday's problem faster than I did." Another is simply stating that you disagree; you're entitled to your own opinion too.
Closure helps people stop ruminating on things. Some people have a higher need for closure than others; here is a scale. Steve and Bucky need closure in order to release their hold on their native time and adapt to their current time. There are ways of finding closure.
Moving on is the next step. You need to counter the if-only guilt in order to move on with your life. As Steve and Bucky form new attachments in the here-and-now, they shift their focus from the past to the present. There is a Moving Forward program for veterans.
Trauma can shatter a person's sense of identity. They must then figure out who they are after that trauma. This applies to all the Avengers in one way or another. Here are some sample exercises for the formation of a post-trauma identity.
For many people, talking about painful feelings and bad memories is a necessary part of recovery. (Other people find that it doesn't help, or actively makes things worse, so pay attention to the effects of any problem-solving techniques you try.) Trauma recovery tends to proceed in stages: re-establishing safety and finding a support network, processing all the crap that happened and the fallout from it, then rebuilding a new identity and life to move forward. Clint in particular has taken time to reach a point where he can talk about what Loki did to him, because first he couldn't remember it very clearly and then he needed to calm down enough to recognize and analyze what's in his head. But there's a similar pattern with Steve and Bucky, who were also too shocked by their respective experiences to respond immediately. (In canon, they still haven't, and wow are they fucked up in The Winter Soldier and Avengers 2.) Sometimes it helps to focus on the contextual details of bad memories, instead of dwelling on the miserable emotions. You can transform negative memories, let go of them, and erase the trauma.
Many smartphones come with a camera now. Here are some of the best in our world. Naturally, a Starkphone is better! I simply extrapolated that it would have features to adapt to different demands, which the user could select from the camera management screen. There are tips on how to use a camera phone.
[To be continued in Part 3 ...]
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk,""kintsukuroi," "Little and Broken, but Still Good," "Up the Water Spout," "The Life of the Dead," "If They Could Just Stay Little," "Anahata," "Coming in from the Cold: Saturday: Building Towers," and "Coming in from the Cold: Sunday: Shaking Foundations."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Bruce Banner, Betty Ross, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Happy Hogan.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mention of past trauma with lingering symptoms of PTSD. Kitchen fail. Tony being a brat. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: The Avengers celebrate Memorial Day by going to Washington, D.C. for the festivities. Emotional roller-coasters ensue.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Emotional overload. Coping skills. Healthy touch. Asking for help and getting it. Cooking. Comfort food. Holidays. Medals. Veteran issues. Nonsexual intimacy. Caregiving. Competence. Gentleness. Trust. Emotional confusion. Hope. Crowds. Memorials. Mourning. Letting go. Moving on. Photography. #coulsonlives
Begin with Part 1. Skip to Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9.
"Coming in from the Cold: Monday: Memorial Day" Part 2
After breakfast, Betty helped Phil to clear the table. Clint and Tony hastily stashed the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. People who hadn't already dressed for the trip, went back to their rooms for that before reconvening in the common room.
Bucky put his uniform coat back on, shrugging his shoulders in vain attempt to get it to lay right. "Thought I had the right size," he muttered.
"Good enough for government work," Steve said. "You know how it goes."
Soon they were all ready to go. They took Tony's private jet to Washington, D.C. The flight was quiet, everyone lost in their own thoughts. The sky was clear and blue, the weather pleasant when they landed.
First on their schedule was the ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery. A crowd of people filled the grounds. Tony's connections made it possible for them to slip through and find an excellent view. Everyone stood solemnly and watched the laying of the wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
Phil had to close his eyes for a minute, bracing himself against the sudden upwelling of emotion. Every time he came here, he couldn't help but remember all the people he'd lost -- the ones he served beside, the ones he commanded, and especially those who fell under circumstances that made it impossible to recover their bodies. Good job, he thought, with a mental salute to their memory.
Phil kept his breathing slow and steady. It wouldn't help to make a scene, although he could hear plenty of people crying in the crowd. It was the sharp catch of breath nearby that snagged his attention. Quickly he opened his eyes and scanned their little group for trouble.
"Steve, are you okay?" Tony murmured.
"No, not really," Steve said, his voice tight with strain. He looked pale and shaky in the warm spring sunlight. "This was ... this was us, Tony. Bucky and I were both lost for decades. Everyone thought we were dead, and this is the only grave we had. I never thought much about that until just now, and it kind of hit me like a load of bricks ..."
"Yeah, I get that," Tony said. "Bucky, how are you doing?"
Bucky didn't respond. If Steve was a little shaky, Bucky seemed outright shut down in shock.
Phil reached out and gave him a steadying touch on the elbow. "Bucky?"
Bucky startled at the contact. "Huh?"
That's not good, Phil thought. I think Bucky's had a little too much of this particular celebration ...
"Oh yeah, we need to get this show on the road," Tony declared. "Clint, you've got point. Make us a route back to the limo. Phil, get Steve and Bucky between us. Betty, you guard our backs." Tony chivvied the whole team into motion with a few deft gestures.
Behind them, the concert started up. That helped to keep the crowd stable. Clint was assertive but not rough about clearing a path for them. He used deft touches at elbows, knees, and waists to shift people aside.
It looks like we aren't the only ones bailing out early, Phil thought as he saw several other veterans moving away. He couldn't blame them. Emotions ran high on Memorial Day, especially here. Then a rising mutter caught Phil's ear.
Tony was scolding himself as he walked Steve and Bucky back to the limousine. "Dummy. Dummy. You should have seen this coming, should have known, you've seen it before. Dummy! Need to get them out of here."
Phil realized that Tony's self-talk was spilling out loud, unnoticed as the man focused on getting his friends safely out of the cemetery. The harsh recriminations grated on Phil's nerves. I wonder if that's how DUM-E got his name, he thought abruptly. The others fit a similar pattern -- I know that U is short for 'Hey, you!' and Butterfingers is pretty self-explanatory. JARVIS may be the only one who was named in advance, on purpose. The thought ached, a bitter reminder of Tony's unhappy upbringing.
The Avengers made it back to the parking area in snug formation. Steve and Bucky were leaning on each other, flanked by Phil and Tony for support. Clint opened the door for them so that Happy wouldn't have to get out.
Tony carefully tucked Bucky into the limousine. Next Tony guided Steve in, then finally climbed in himself. Everyone else took a seat as well. "Happy, drive," said Tony.
"Problem, sir?" Happy asked as he pulled away from the curb.
"Ah, Steve and Bucky crashed at the Tomb of the Unknown. You know the drill," Tony said.
"Yes, sir," said Happy. Soon he stopped at a drive-through and placed an order. Then he rolled down the partition and handed back several bags.
Tony put most of the bags between his feet and opened the last. He pulled out two large cups of orange juice, then passed the first one to Steve. "Here, drink up. It'll help," Tony said. Steve quickly opened it and took a sip. Tony reached over to offer the second to Bucky.
"Maybe later; I'm a little queasy right now," Bucky said.
"Phil, you're closest to the fridge. Get him a bottle of water," Tony said.
Phil leaned over to rummage in the limousine's mini-fridge. "Got it," he said, handing the water to Bucky.
"Thanks," Bucky said. He took the bottle and rested the cool surface against his forehead.
"Coffee and croissants, grab 'em if you want 'em," Tony said as he opened more bags. The Avengers shared the bounty.
Phil accepted some of each. He was intrigued that Tony's instructions had cued a sugar-rich beverage, some bland food, and nothing with a strong greasy smell that might cause upset. Tony really has done this before, Phil mused.
"No coffee for me, but I'd like a croissant, please," said Steve.
"Yeah, coffee after a bad shock, definitely not recommended," Tony said. He handed Steve a croissant.
Plastic popped and cracked as Bucky finally twisted the top off his water bottle to sip at it. "Thanks, Tony," said Bucky. "I'm sorry for freezing up back there."
"It was my fault. I should've known better than to suggest this in the first place," Tony said.
"No, it was a good idea," Bucky said. "I needed, we needed -- what's the word I read in those exercises? -- oh, closure. Coming here helped me and Steve remember that we're not dead, just got stuck for a while, even though people thought we were dead." He took a long pull of water. "It's just, we know what people were thinking about us, because it's what we thought about the ones who never made it home. Standing at the Tomb ... it was kind of like having seventy years of mail dumped on us all at once."
"Yeah. What he said," Steve said. He sounded a little better, though, and at least nobody had broken down crying. "Is there any more juice?"
Paper crinkled as Tony reached into another bag. "Sure," Tony said, handing him the cup.
"I think I'm ready for mine now," Bucky said. He finished his water and held out a hand for the orange juice that Tony passed to him. "Thanks for getting us out of there."
"That's what friends are for," Tony said. "I just wish things hadn't turned sour like that."
Phil mentally reviewed the event, now that he didn't have a minor crisis on his hands. Tony makes a more capable leader than he realizes, Phil thought. He took over when Steve was out of sorts, made a good plan, and implemented it. All our hard work on teambuilding paid off today.
"I wish we could've stayed for the concert, but it's okay," Bucky said. He picked the foil off the top of the orange juice and took a sip. "Steve and I need to get back into the swing of things, but sometimes we have to take small steps."
"It helps a lot, just having friends there for backup," Steve added. "You took care of us when we blanked out for a minute. That makes it a lot safer to try things, because we know you'll step in if something goes wrong."
"I can't hide from the world forever," Bucky said. He reached over and helped himself to a croissant. "I can't hide from what I did. I have to ... make it part of me, somehow, and move on. This is helping."
Formation of a post-traumatic identity, Phil thought. Dr. Samson had sent him some materials on that topic that proved more useful than what Phil had found previously. That made it a little easier to support Bucky as he integrated what had happened to him.
"Yeah, same thing happened to me after Loki ..." said Clint, picking at a croissant. He shifted restlessly against Phil's side.
Phil gave him a gentle squeeze of encouragement. Clint hadn't talked much about that, but maybe he was feeling the need more. "Go on," Phil coaxed.
"At first I couldn't remember much, just a jumbled mess," Clint said. "Then more came back, and it was hard to sort out what was really me and what wasn't. The more I looked at things and put them back in place, though, the better it got."
"Bruce-and-Hulk have a similar problem," Betty said quietly. "It's hard for them to keep their memories organized because the transformations are so disruptive. It helps to have friends who can tell them what really happened, so that they can integrate it. You're not alone, Bucky, Clint. We all need each other."
Phil rubbed a hand over the phantom scar where Loki's spear had stabbed through the Life Model Decoy. Would I have recovered from the shock as fast as I did, without anyone as anchor? Probably not, he thought. He had clung shamelessly to Clint and Natasha after reuniting with them. He curled his fingers around the coffee cup, a comforting weight in his hands.
"We'll be okay," Steve assured Tony, who still looked a little anxious. "You haven't messed up anything. So what's up next?"
"Uh, the next scheduled event is the parade at 2 PM," Tony read from his Starkphone. "I figured we could drive around for a little while, maybe get something more for brunch, then watch the parade. We can hit a deli after that. Steve's thing on moving Memorial Day is later this afternoon, and the fireworks start after sunset. We'll fit supper around those, depending on when folks get hungry."
Phil smiled. It's different, planning a trip for people with such fast metabolisms, but we're getting the hang of it, he thought.
Happy treated them to a rolling tour of Washington, D.C. Phil expected that the holiday traffic would make it impossible, but the chauffeur knew dozens of clever shortcuts and back routes that gave them excellent views of the monuments from unexpected angles. He narrated the sights with practiced skill.
"Happy worked a summer here as a tour guide," Tony murmured as they admired a flowering park from an overpass.
"I wish I had a camera," Steve said sadly.
"Phone, Steve," Tony reminded him. "Your phone is a camera, and because it is a Starkphone, it is not a crappy camera, although it isn't as good as one with interchangeable lenses. It's fine for snapshots, better than any point-and-shoot you could buy in a store."
"Oh yeah, right," Steve said, squirming so he could pull his phone from his pocket. "Some parts of the future I really like."
"Okay, turn on the camera mode," Tony instructed. "Touch the window and the car. That tells the camera to compensate for the fact that you're shooting through glass from a moving vehicle." Tony tapped something on his own phone, and the tinted window beside Bucky suddenly turned clear. "You should be good to go."
Steve leaned over Bucky, trying to reach the window. Bucky rolled his eyes and switched places with him, pushing Steve into the window seat. Then he had to buckle Steve's seatbelt for him because Steve was too busy rubbernecking.
* * *
Notes:
The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier figures into some Memorial Day observations.
Emotional overload can happen due to acute or chronic stress. In this case, Steve and Bucky froze up because of how the current situation interacted with their past experiences. Know how to handle emotional overload or help a friend through it. The key is to take the weight off, at least long enough to regain balance.
Self-talk is the voice in your head when you narrate your actions or talk to yourself. Usually it is silent, but some people talk aloud, especially under stress. You can actually hear Tony doing that in the movies. Understand how to silence negative self-talk, promote positive self-talk, and help a friend with low self-esteem. It can be very tricky to challenge someone else's poor (and inaccurate) image of themselves, without directly contradicting their right to their own feelings. One good way is to provide counterexamples: "I'm stupid." "You feel stupid, but you figured out yesterday's problem faster than I did." Another is simply stating that you disagree; you're entitled to your own opinion too.
Closure helps people stop ruminating on things. Some people have a higher need for closure than others; here is a scale. Steve and Bucky need closure in order to release their hold on their native time and adapt to their current time. There are ways of finding closure.
Moving on is the next step. You need to counter the if-only guilt in order to move on with your life. As Steve and Bucky form new attachments in the here-and-now, they shift their focus from the past to the present. There is a Moving Forward program for veterans.
Trauma can shatter a person's sense of identity. They must then figure out who they are after that trauma. This applies to all the Avengers in one way or another. Here are some sample exercises for the formation of a post-trauma identity.
For many people, talking about painful feelings and bad memories is a necessary part of recovery. (Other people find that it doesn't help, or actively makes things worse, so pay attention to the effects of any problem-solving techniques you try.) Trauma recovery tends to proceed in stages: re-establishing safety and finding a support network, processing all the crap that happened and the fallout from it, then rebuilding a new identity and life to move forward. Clint in particular has taken time to reach a point where he can talk about what Loki did to him, because first he couldn't remember it very clearly and then he needed to calm down enough to recognize and analyze what's in his head. But there's a similar pattern with Steve and Bucky, who were also too shocked by their respective experiences to respond immediately. (In canon, they still haven't, and wow are they fucked up in The Winter Soldier and Avengers 2.) Sometimes it helps to focus on the contextual details of bad memories, instead of dwelling on the miserable emotions. You can transform negative memories, let go of them, and erase the trauma.
Many smartphones come with a camera now. Here are some of the best in our world. Naturally, a Starkphone is better! I simply extrapolated that it would have features to adapt to different demands, which the user could select from the camera management screen. There are tips on how to use a camera phone.
[To be continued in Part 3 ...]
(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-30 06:16 am (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-30 06:52 pm (UTC)He actually is good in certain types of crisis. Many of the Avengers are uncomfortable in the public eye, but Tony grew up there. He knows how to cope when the shit hits the fan in a crowd. They have all different skills on the team.
>> And has a set plan on how to deal with it with food and drinks. <<
He's seen flashbacks and emotional overload plenty of times given the people he hangs out with, not to mention his own periodic meltdowns.
>> And them all talking about how Bucky has team makes in the same boat with fractured memories, he's not alone. <<
Yes. Clint and Bruce are just getting to where they can start facing their own issues in that regard, and work on putting the pieces back together. For some folks, having that kind of company helps them figure out their own situation.
>> And then a quick up swing to humor again as Tony reminds Steve basically everyone on earth now carries a camera at all times. And the BEST cameras possible on a phone if you have a Starkphone(which he does), and showing him how to open the app and run it, so Steve can play gawking tourist. <<
:D Well, that's what you get for hanging out with the geeks. All the best toys ever!
(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-30 07:08 am (UTC)Okay...
Date: 2015-06-30 08:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-07-02 07:26 pm (UTC)You may have to spend awhile persuading the salespeople to let you look at something that's not a smartphone--the company wants you to have a smartphone so they can charge you for data, and many employees are paid by commission--but they probably do have something that you would like. Don't get pressured into getting a smartphone over a feature like a camera if you're happy with what you're using.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-07-02 07:42 pm (UTC)It's not just the camera. I'd like to have an Instagram account, which you can't make without a smart phone, but since the majority of my friends have smart phones, they frequently use emojis to communicate their points that cause my phone to freak out and replace the message with various combinations of random symbols. There are apps I'd like to play with, such as Plant Nanny, that don't work well on my Kindle. Most of the argument for not getting one right now is price and durability. Eventually the price will go down and I've broken my last three phones on the hinge, which strongly suggests that they've got a weak point that wouldn't be present on a smart phone. I think I'll end up waiting a while, but eventually I probably will get one.
Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 12:47 am (UTC)Smart phones have different weaknesses. Many have become so flimsy that they bend and break very easily. Imagine carrying around a $200 eggshell sculpture that does tricks. Another common flaw is that the screens scratch or fog. Technology isn't built to last more than a few months because they expect people to replace it quickly. The simpler phones are usually sturdier.
Re: Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 05:49 am (UTC)Re: Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 05:59 am (UTC)I feel that way too. It is often difficult for me to find something that will meet my needs, so in addition to the item itself, there is the initial time invested in finding it and then the time required to find a replacement.
>> When I do that and I do go to update, I'm often presently surprised by the differences. <<
For me, alas, it is the opposite. I more often find that the kind of thing I need is no longer made, and none of the current models are as good or even usable at all. I am increasingly left with something that is just barely usable at all, or with nothing. And it's not simply one thing: it's an overall trend away from what I can use. Like wireless. A wire is a metal thread with a plastic coating that protects it from outside interference. I can use that, sort of. But a wireless connection goes through open air, the same air that is all full of my magic. Guess which signal is stronger. The last cordless mouse I tried lasted two weeks. Having to replace something has gone from an interesting exploration of new possibilities with some excitement and occasional disappointment, to a nerve-wracking scramble in hopes of finding something that is in some way better than nothing. And not always getting even that.
Re: Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 08:00 am (UTC)Re: Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 08:11 am (UTC)Yes it is.
>> My grandmother gets that way with watches. She just... fries them if they touch her skin too much.<<
I am the same way, and so was my grandmother! It is usually based on fey nature (which is timebendy) and/or the high bioelectric field of any strong magical person. I have found that mechanical watches are less susceptible than electronic ones, but I can't keep machinery running well either (different glitch). So I keep the watch guts off my skin by using plastic-coated watches with a nylon (it HAS to be synthetic) band that goes between the back of my watch and my arm. Watches still go senile on me, but it takes longer.
>> I can see how that'd be difficult to work with. Do you end up having to use ethernet cords when you're at home? <<
We use cables for as much as possible, but the only way to get upstairs is a wireless router. The wireless connection here is ... iffy, and rarely works if someone brings their equipment from outside. Residential tech tends to adapt, eventually, if it doesn't die outright.
Re: Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 08:17 am (UTC)Re: Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 08:25 am (UTC)http://ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com/1423645.html
Re: Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 08:37 am (UTC)Re: Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 08:38 am (UTC)Re: Well...
Date: 2019-06-03 07:28 am (UTC)Also I can't comment over there without making an account, and I am Tired and Doing Very Little today...
Re: Well...
Date: 2019-06-03 08:01 am (UTC)Yay! I'm happy that I could help.
>> I can magically work WITH my tech, through just about any material--although, actually, some synthetic materials do really well with magic, Hot Topic had some artificial attraction stones that worked WONDERFULLY. They're surprisingly magical over there...<<
Yeah, they have some good stuff. :D Spencer's has surprisingly good magical jewelry sometimes. I got my coven pentacle there. It's about the size of my palm, suitable for wearing at rituals where things need to be visible from a distance. The usual quarter-size kind pretty much disappears beyond a few feet.
Re: Well...
Date: 2019-06-08 10:41 pm (UTC)Re: Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 04:43 pm (UTC)Same thing with keyboards and trackballs -- I bought my most recent Thinkpad keyboard on eBay.
Same thing for Linux distros, Gods help me. Ubuntu is rapidly going down the tubes; I'll probably have to switch back to Debian in a year or two. Which, fortunately, still runs fine on my ageing hardware.
Re: Well...
Date: 2015-07-03 06:04 pm (UTC)It usually takes at least a day of miserable crawling around towns to find something at least usable. >_<
I hate you, fashion industry. Haaaaaaate.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-07-03 03:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-07-03 05:49 am (UTC)Tony is an adorable, helpful, fluff-ball of jangst (joy/angst) :)
Date: 2015-06-30 07:16 am (UTC)Steve! With the camera. Such an adorable image. I think that needs to go on the list, in fact I think every scene with someone teaching Steve or Bucky something needs to go on the list.
Tony actually reminded him without a snarky comment. That is lovely. It proves how far he's come.
And Phil's right, he's a brilliant leader when he applys himself. This update was squishy and warm with underlying angst
Re: Tony is an adorable, helpful, fluff-ball of jangst (joy/angst) :)
Date: 2015-06-30 07:17 am (UTC)Re: Tony is an adorable, helpful, fluff-ball of jangst (joy/angst) :)
Date: 2015-06-30 08:18 pm (UTC)Phil isn't nagging him about it today, because today is already full of enough challenges without that. But Phil is now much more aware of just how bad Tony's self-talk really is. I based it on Tony's verbal abuse of his botfamily and a few occasions where his self-talk spills out loud in canon. Generally speaking, children learn what they hear, so if parents say cruel things, that turns into headtape, but it also comes out in how they speak to their own children or subordinates later. So challenging Tony's self-bullying will go on Phil's mental list alongside Bruce's similar issues.
>> He did well with the plan. The fact that he even implemented it shows just how good and caring he is, never mind his background. <<
Sooth. Tony is a problem-solver at heart. He things in tactical terms. He may not be great at emotions, but he is great at coping with messy situations.
>> Steve! With the camera. Such an adorable image. I think that needs to go on the list, in fact I think every scene with someone teaching Steve or Bucky something needs to go on the list. <<
I have added the camera squee to the list of photogenic scenes.
>> Tony actually reminded him without a snarky comment. That is lovely. It proves how far he's come. <<
:D All the way from Tony ragging on Steve for every technological stumble, to helping him but being snarky, to being gentle with him. Team = jelled. Go go Earth's mightiest handler!
>> And Phil's right, he's a brilliant leader when he applys himself. <<
Yay, Tony! *waves pompoms* Tony and Steve have different kinds of leadership skills. And Tony is the only Avenger who's actually good at any kind of public appearance.
>> This update was squishy and warm with underlying angst <<
There are several of those scenes in this story. "Memorial Day" is fundamentally about pushing boundaries when you have serious issues, but are determined to work on them instead of letting them limit you, and you have capable backup in case you overshoot.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-30 09:53 am (UTC)nonny75
Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-01 05:45 am (UTC)Yeah, it sucks. I based that on canonical examples of how Tony talks to his botfamily, snippets of his self-talk aloud, and how Howard and Obie talked at him.
>> I had to work really really hard for lots of years so that my head doesn't ... I'm much better now at being nice to myself. Or at least less icky. <<
I'm glad you're making progress! That kind of headwork is hard.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-30 02:19 pm (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2015-07-01 05:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-30 05:25 pm (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2015-07-01 05:47 am (UTC):D Tony is learning how to take care of people using the things he is actually good at, such as managing public excursions.
>> And yes, Memorial Day would probably not be great for two people dumped several decades out of time... <<
It is definitely a challenge for Steve and Bucky, but it's a healthy stretch, as long as they have supportive friends to make sure they don't rupture anything.
>> hopefully they'll like the fun parts, though. <<
Next up: food, parade, and more food! So yes, they get some fun parts.
Fireworks as PTSD triggers
Date: 2015-06-30 08:27 pm (UTC)Re: Fireworks as PTSD triggers
Date: 2015-06-30 08:47 pm (UTC)If you really want to stage a private show, look for a friend with property out in the country where there are no neighbors within close range. We did that once, and it was particularly fun because I provided the location and the scientific knowledge, while a friend provided the explosives expertise and firearm owner card that accessed better fireworks. *chuckle* And then we decided the cardboard tube provided for the one-inch shells was A) boring and B) a fire hazard, so we sawed off a piece of metal pipe to use as a mortar and that worked amazingly well.
Most of the time if we want to see fireworks, we go to the municipal show. But this year if we go, we're going to watch from the car on a nearby road, because it is soggy out and there are mosquitoes everywhere.
Re: Fireworks as PTSD triggers
Date: 2015-06-30 09:32 pm (UTC)Watching from the car is a good idea. My favorite way to watch fireworks is "On television," because a) I dislike the smell of gunpowder, and b) the television broadcasters have the best mics, so you can actually hear the music that's supposed to be part of the show. When the acoustics for the music is spotty, the overall effect comes across as jumbled and weird.
Re: Fireworks as PTSD triggers
Date: 2015-06-30 09:47 pm (UTC)Well, it's iffy. Single launchers are okay because even if it catches fire, you're not trying to use it again. You have your wet towel and bucket of sand, it's not a problem. Set pieces with 9-25 tubes in a cluster are more dicey, because if they burn wrong it not only messes up the display but causes a hazard. After discussion, we decided that the cardboard mortar tube was the worst idea, because it was meant to be used repeatedly, and if it caught fire, you couldn't launch your remaining shells -- unless you found something else to put them in.
>> Watching from the car is a good idea. My favorite way to watch fireworks is "On television," because a) I dislike the smell of gunpowder, and b) the television broadcasters have the best mics, so you can actually hear the music that's supposed to be part of the show. When the acoustics for the music is spotty, the overall effect comes across as jumbled and weird. <<
Do what works for you. Out here we have relatively flat territory. So I usually go outdoors around July 4th and can see aerials from several towns. Or you can drive down the highway and see them.
Re: Fireworks as PTSD triggers
Date: 2015-06-30 10:38 pm (UTC)I do. :-) Around here, people are generally: Yay! Fireworks! (there were even multiple displays when American Pharaoh won the Triple Crown), and my reaction is more: meh. fireworks.
A good lightning storm, however. Those are fun.
Re: Fireworks as PTSD triggers
Date: 2015-06-30 10:39 pm (UTC)Re: Fireworks as PTSD triggers
Date: 2015-07-01 12:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-07-01 03:50 am (UTC)Although my heart goes out to Tony over the negative self-talk, I love the way he handles it all. So smoothly, so in control, so thoughtful. And I also love the part where Bucky switches places with Steve - and then even buckles his seatbelt.
Okay...
Date: 2015-07-02 03:44 am (UTC)Whenever you're ready.
>> Although my heart goes out to Tony over the negative self-talk, I love the way he handles it all. So smoothly, so in control, so thoughtful. <<
Yay! I'm glad it worked for you. I think that Tony doesn't realize half of what comes out his mouth, he's so accustomed to it. But it's getting better.
He is also more attentive to other people's needs. He doesn't always get it right, but the overall score is going up.
>> And I also love the part where Bucky switches places with Steve - and then even buckles his seatbelt. <<
Steve is usually meticulous about following the rules. Get him distracted enough, though, and he forgets -- especially the modern ones. Bucky is obsessed with keeping Steve safe, so he makes up for the difference.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-08-15 04:51 am (UTC)You're welcome!
Date: 2015-08-15 05:09 am (UTC)Yay! I'm happy to hear that.
>>Thank you for bringing in the military angle and PTSD recovery!<<
It's something that needs more attention. So many of the Avengers have or had military connections, and they all have some kind of traumatic stress. It's something the canon doesn't really account for much, and I wanted to do more with it.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-10-16 04:28 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2015-10-16 05:13 am (UTC)