![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmith"Coming in from the Cold" is the next big piece in its series, dealing with Bucky and his continued issues with that piece-of-crap prosthesis. I'm posting each day within the story as a section unto itself, broken down into post-sized parts.
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk," "kintsukuroi," "Little and Broken, but Still Good," "Up the Water Spout," "The Life of the Dead," "If They Could Just Stay Little," "Anahata," and "Coming in from the Cold: Saturday: Building Towers."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: JARVIS, Phil Coulson, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Betty Ross.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Hostile technology. Manipulation of mental state. Mention of past trauma with lingering symptoms of PTSD. Temper outbursts. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: Steve and Bucky cope with some influence from Bucky's prosthetic arm. Uncle Phil uses a private ageplay session to help Steve with his feelings. JARVIS, floundering with his own emotions and interpretations of other peoples' motivations, asks Phil for assistance. Steve is still struggling to get a handle on what's happening to him. They finish up the day with a movie.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Emotional overload. Coping skills. Healthy touch. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Caregiving. Competence. Toys and games. Gentleness. Trust. Emotional confusion. Watching movies. #coulsonlives
I also have a list of photogenic scenes from the whole series for fanartists to consider, a series landing page, and anarchive of images. The perk story "Brotherlove, Brotherlust" Part 3 is still open for participation.
A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.
Anonymous commenters: You don't have to specify exactly who you are, but it helps to have a first name or a username from some other service, so I have some idea of who's saying which and how many different "Anonymous" folks there are. You can just type some kind of identifier at the end of your comment.
Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6.
Coming in from the Cold
Sunday: Shaking Foundations Part 1
The next morning, JARVIS gave Phil ample warning when Bucky showed signs of waking. When Phil arrived in Steve's apartment, the two brothers were curled together in bed. Steve had a crease down one cheek where he'd been sleeping on Bucky's shoulder and the seam between metal and flesh had pressed itself into Steve's skin. His dark blond hair looked like a haystack. Natasha sat on the bed beside them, slowly stroking her hand down Bucky's arm.
Bucky yawned and stretched, opening his eyes. "Natasha," he said.
"That's one out of three," she said with a rare smile. "Can you do the other two?"
"Steve," said Bucky. He paused, then added, "... Uncle?"
"Uncle Phil, yes," said Phil as he settled into the chair. "Good morning, Bucky. It sounds like you're doing well today." This was the first time he'd managed to identify three people without prompting.
Steve rolled onto his elbow and began the morning round of storytelling that helped Bucky find his memories. Steve painted a picture of their childhood, of Bucky's loss and rescue. The two brothers faced each other, but there was an edginess in them that made Phil frown a little. Something seems a bit off, but I can't tell what, he thought.
Natasha took her time. Her level voice filled in more details of Bucky's past and present. Their complex relationship was traced out in words as fine as ink, black and white and shades of gray.
Then it was Phil's turn. He explained about Bucky's captivity and recovery. Bucky flexed his left arm, as he usually did, watching his metal fingers open and close in their skin-colored glove. "Tony's making good progress on the replacement," Phil said, tapping the artificial wrist.
"He wanted me ... and Bruce ... to look over blueprints," Bucky said slowly. "No. That was yesterday. We did that." His forehead scrunched. "Today. Look at the prototype armature. That is today's task. Right?"
"Yes, Bucky, that is correct," said JARVIS. A hologram unfolded itself into Bucky's personal calendar. "You may find sir at your disposal any time after breakfast."
Bucky read over the short list of planned activities for the day. He was learning how to use JARVIS as a prosthetic memory. "Morning routine ... personal care," he murmured, tracing the lines as he read them.
Steve didn't respond as he usually did, lost in some contemplation of his own. Phil reached out to nudge him, but Natasha gave Steve a measuring glance and then dismissed him. "Come," she said, holding out a hand to Bucky. "I will accompany you in the bathroom."
Well, it's not like this is anything new, Phil thought. They've shared space on missions before. Natasha had a blunt, practical approach to bodies and their functions.
Steve was still lying in bed, quivering a little.
"Are you all right?" Phil asked.
"I don't know," Steve said. Then he shook himself. "I should get up." He looked at the closed bathroom door. "Use the spare bathroom, I guess."
"Okay," Phil said. "I'll just wait for you, if you don't mind."
It only took a few minutes for Steve to get ready. He was quick about it. Bucky still took longer, relearning the steps. Steve didn't look very good himself, though. The jittery motion was more pronounced.
"Steve, can you tell me what's wrong?" Phil asked, reaching out to him.
"It's Bucky. This is so hard on him, and it's all my fault," Steve said. His shoulders slumped under the crisp lines of his shirt.
"He's getting better," Phil pointed out.
"I know, I know that, it's just -- this shouldn't have happened," Steve said. "Bucky is my friend. I should've taken better care of him. I got him on that train, and then I dropped him. I didn't even go back to look for him, and I should have. Then when we finally found him, I ordered Hawkeye to shoot him from behind." Steve looked as forlorn as a sack of wet kittens pulled from a frigid river.
"Bucky doesn't blame you for any of that," Phil said. Steve had been going over and over this ground, some of it all along, other parts since Bucky's return. Phil was still trying to figure out ways of correcting the misconceptions. Bucky's perspective helped somewhat, but not enough.
"I blame myself," Steve said, his voice fraying. The situation was shaking his foundations.
Phil switched to a new tactic. "If you want to blame someone, blame the people who treated Bucky as a guinea pig and tried to use the Tesseract to turn the tide of war."
"Goddamn HYDRA," Steve snarled. He balled up his fist and swung at the nearest wall.
Phil threw his whole weight against Steve's arm, wrapping himself around the wrist so that they spun about. That deflected the blow so that Steve's fist missed the wall. Steve stumbled into the center of the room, wildly off balance.
"No hitting," Phil said in his firmest voice. "Remember that JARVIS is part of this building, and that even you could break your hand by punching a reinforced wall."
"What -- what just happened?" Steve stammered. He seemed to go from furious to bewildered in the space of a breath.
"I don't know," Phil said. "Come here and let's talk about it."
Steve leaned against the nearest wall and then slid slowly to the floor. "I was just -- I felt so angry all of a sudden. It came out of nowhere."
"Bucky and Bruce both have experience with that sort of thing," Phil said. The similarity raised a suspicion in his mind. He reached out and cupped Steve's face, tracing the crease with his thumb.
Steve flinched.
Phil let go. "Am I hurting you?"
"No," Steve said. "No, I'm just hypersensitive all of a sudden." His breathing sounded ragged and his chest shuddered.
"Okay. Try to calm yourself down," Phil said. "Take slow, deep breaths. Put your palms on the floor and feel the texture of the carpet. Focus on the present moment. You have a good strong body. It will help you bounce back if you let it ..." Phil kept murmuring instructions to Steve while he gradually settled down.
At last Steve rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. "I don't know what came over me. That was really scary."
"Yes, it was," Phil said. "Will you let me look you over?" Steve nodded. Phil knew enough first aid to run a quick check. He frowned, fingers curled over Steve's wrist. "Your pulse is elevated. It's not much, but enough to notice."
"Oh that can't be good," Steve said. It took a lot for his body to show any kind of stress or fatigue from exertion.
Phil traced over the crease on Steve's cheek again, fading now but still visible. "This looks like you slept on Bucky's shoulder."
"Yeah, we like to stay close at night," Steve said.
"That may be the problem," Phil said. "Remember what Tony said about the auxiliary power source?"
"It's contained."
"It also has a range of one to two feet."
The penny dropped. "You think it did this to me," Steve said, his eyes widening.
"I think it's likely," Phil said. "Come on, let's go up to the common kitchen for breakfast. Low blood sugar undermines emotional regulation. Bruce will probably be there too, and we can ask him what he thinks."
"Yeah," Steve said as he climbed to his feet. He hunched a little. "I'm really sorry."
"Apology accepted. You weren't yourself at the time," Phil said. He ushered Steve into the elevator. Then Phil pulled out his Starkphone and tapped out a few commands. "Here, borrow some worksheets for emotional monitoring. Fill in what just happened. That will help us figure out if there's a pattern to this."
"Okay," Steve said. Obediently he took the phone and started working on the assignment as they rode to the common floor. He seemed shaken but still functional.
When they reached the kitchen, it smelled deliciously of eggs and sausage. Clint and Bruce were standing over the crockpot, arms draped casually around each other. Clint held a plate while Bruce scooped breakfast casserole onto it.
"Morning, folks," said Clint.
"Good morning," Phil replied. Steve just flopped down at the table without responding, his attention focused on the worksheets.
Instantly Bruce peeled away from Clint. "Steve, what's wrong?" he asked. "This isn't like you."
"I don't know," Steve said in a small voice. "I snapped at Phil. I, um, I need to finish this."
"Okay," Bruce said as he sat down. He pulled out his own phone. "JARVIS, show me what happened, please."
Clint sat down at the table, setting one plate in front of himself and another in front of Bruce. "Here, don't forget to eat," he said. Phil hoped that Clint would get enough to eat, too, since the conversation was likely to chase him out of the room.
"Mmm-hmm," Bruce said absently, taking a forkful without looking away from the phone. "JARVIS, I want an hour-by-hour summary of Bucky and Steve from last night." He frowned over the results.
Phil left Steve to Bruce for the moment. He filled another two plates, one for himself and a larger portion for Steve. Then he put them on the table and sat down. "How are you doing?" Phil asked when Steve finally put aside the phone and started eating.
"Little better," Steve said. "This must be so much worse for Bucky. I let him fall, I let him get captured, this is all my fault. Then when we found him, I had to make Hawkeye shoot him in the back --"
"Hey, no, none of that," Clint said. "I couldn't shoot him from the front; the Winter Soldier was too fast, he would've dodged. That was the only way to get him out of enemy hands safely, and we all knew it, and it worked. Do not beat up on yourself about that. You made the right call."
"Doesn't stop it from hurting," Steve said.
"Yeah, I know," Clint said. He took a deep, steadying breath and then continued. "When Loki mind-raped me, Phil and Natasha never gave up on me even though I was compromised. Natasha had to kick me in the head to break Loki's hold over me -- and Steve, I'm glad she did that." Clint reached out to put a hand on Steve's shoulder. "Yeah, it hurt. I know it was hard for her. But it was a lot better than leaving me under enemy control or shooting me dead. She knows -- she just knows me, understands what I would want even when I couldn't say it myself. She was there for me when I needed her, no matter how hard it was for both of us. I'm really grateful for it."
Steve stared for a moment, and Phil couldn't blame him. Clint rarely spoke about what had happened to him. Then Steve managed to drag his social awareness back into working order enough to figure out what Clint meant by telling him that. "You think Bucky feels the same way," Steve guessed.
"Yeah, he thinks you saved him, and he's real attached to that notion, so don't shake it up for him," Clint said. "We've talked about it, just a little, during target practice and stuff."
"I, um. Thanks. I'll try to keep that in mind," Steve said.
"Anytime," Clint said, and turned back to his breakfast.
Phil was quietly thrilled to see him dealing with the topic of mind control, even in small portions. "Good job, Clint," he murmured. Clint gave him a little smile. Phil turned his attention back to his excellent breakfast.
* * *
Notes:
Morning routines are helpful for people with memory problems, such as dementia, or in this case cyclic amnesia caused by mad science torture. Ordinary folks just use them to help jumpstart the day. Here are some sample routines from successful people. Even without JARVIS, there apps for morning routines.
Mood swings often accompany PTSD or TBI. There are ways to cope with PTSD in the family and help people with TBI. These two conditions may compound issues when they appear together. Steve and Bucky both have PTSD, plus the influence of malicious technology in Bucky's arm, and Bucky has further damage from war injuries and subsequent maltreatment. Understand how to deal with emotional lability.
Violent outbursts can be very difficult to handle. Anger can overflow due to brain dysfunctions. This type of problem is new and scary for Steve. Know how to cope with explosive behavior, how to calm someone else down, and how to calm yourself.
Executive functions include working memory, mental flexibility, and self-control based in the prefrontal brain. TBI and PTSD can severely impair these functions. Furthermore Bucky's energy source, like the rest of the Winter Soldier's control program and also like Loki's scepter, was explicitly designed to interfere with such processes. There are ways to improve your executive functioning skills and help children learn them.
[To be continued in Part 2 ...]
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk," "kintsukuroi," "Little and Broken, but Still Good," "Up the Water Spout," "The Life of the Dead," "If They Could Just Stay Little," "Anahata," and "Coming in from the Cold: Saturday: Building Towers."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: JARVIS, Phil Coulson, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Betty Ross.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Hostile technology. Manipulation of mental state. Mention of past trauma with lingering symptoms of PTSD. Temper outbursts. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: Steve and Bucky cope with some influence from Bucky's prosthetic arm. Uncle Phil uses a private ageplay session to help Steve with his feelings. JARVIS, floundering with his own emotions and interpretations of other peoples' motivations, asks Phil for assistance. Steve is still struggling to get a handle on what's happening to him. They finish up the day with a movie.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Emotional overload. Coping skills. Healthy touch. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Caregiving. Competence. Toys and games. Gentleness. Trust. Emotional confusion. Watching movies. #coulsonlives
I also have a list of photogenic scenes from the whole series for fanartists to consider, a series landing page, and anarchive of images. The perk story "Brotherlove, Brotherlust" Part 3 is still open for participation.
A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.
Anonymous commenters: You don't have to specify exactly who you are, but it helps to have a first name or a username from some other service, so I have some idea of who's saying which and how many different "Anonymous" folks there are. You can just type some kind of identifier at the end of your comment.
Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6.
Coming in from the Cold
Sunday: Shaking Foundations Part 1
The next morning, JARVIS gave Phil ample warning when Bucky showed signs of waking. When Phil arrived in Steve's apartment, the two brothers were curled together in bed. Steve had a crease down one cheek where he'd been sleeping on Bucky's shoulder and the seam between metal and flesh had pressed itself into Steve's skin. His dark blond hair looked like a haystack. Natasha sat on the bed beside them, slowly stroking her hand down Bucky's arm.
Bucky yawned and stretched, opening his eyes. "Natasha," he said.
"That's one out of three," she said with a rare smile. "Can you do the other two?"
"Steve," said Bucky. He paused, then added, "... Uncle?"
"Uncle Phil, yes," said Phil as he settled into the chair. "Good morning, Bucky. It sounds like you're doing well today." This was the first time he'd managed to identify three people without prompting.
Steve rolled onto his elbow and began the morning round of storytelling that helped Bucky find his memories. Steve painted a picture of their childhood, of Bucky's loss and rescue. The two brothers faced each other, but there was an edginess in them that made Phil frown a little. Something seems a bit off, but I can't tell what, he thought.
Natasha took her time. Her level voice filled in more details of Bucky's past and present. Their complex relationship was traced out in words as fine as ink, black and white and shades of gray.
Then it was Phil's turn. He explained about Bucky's captivity and recovery. Bucky flexed his left arm, as he usually did, watching his metal fingers open and close in their skin-colored glove. "Tony's making good progress on the replacement," Phil said, tapping the artificial wrist.
"He wanted me ... and Bruce ... to look over blueprints," Bucky said slowly. "No. That was yesterday. We did that." His forehead scrunched. "Today. Look at the prototype armature. That is today's task. Right?"
"Yes, Bucky, that is correct," said JARVIS. A hologram unfolded itself into Bucky's personal calendar. "You may find sir at your disposal any time after breakfast."
Bucky read over the short list of planned activities for the day. He was learning how to use JARVIS as a prosthetic memory. "Morning routine ... personal care," he murmured, tracing the lines as he read them.
Steve didn't respond as he usually did, lost in some contemplation of his own. Phil reached out to nudge him, but Natasha gave Steve a measuring glance and then dismissed him. "Come," she said, holding out a hand to Bucky. "I will accompany you in the bathroom."
Well, it's not like this is anything new, Phil thought. They've shared space on missions before. Natasha had a blunt, practical approach to bodies and their functions.
Steve was still lying in bed, quivering a little.
"Are you all right?" Phil asked.
"I don't know," Steve said. Then he shook himself. "I should get up." He looked at the closed bathroom door. "Use the spare bathroom, I guess."
"Okay," Phil said. "I'll just wait for you, if you don't mind."
It only took a few minutes for Steve to get ready. He was quick about it. Bucky still took longer, relearning the steps. Steve didn't look very good himself, though. The jittery motion was more pronounced.
"Steve, can you tell me what's wrong?" Phil asked, reaching out to him.
"It's Bucky. This is so hard on him, and it's all my fault," Steve said. His shoulders slumped under the crisp lines of his shirt.
"He's getting better," Phil pointed out.
"I know, I know that, it's just -- this shouldn't have happened," Steve said. "Bucky is my friend. I should've taken better care of him. I got him on that train, and then I dropped him. I didn't even go back to look for him, and I should have. Then when we finally found him, I ordered Hawkeye to shoot him from behind." Steve looked as forlorn as a sack of wet kittens pulled from a frigid river.
"Bucky doesn't blame you for any of that," Phil said. Steve had been going over and over this ground, some of it all along, other parts since Bucky's return. Phil was still trying to figure out ways of correcting the misconceptions. Bucky's perspective helped somewhat, but not enough.
"I blame myself," Steve said, his voice fraying. The situation was shaking his foundations.
Phil switched to a new tactic. "If you want to blame someone, blame the people who treated Bucky as a guinea pig and tried to use the Tesseract to turn the tide of war."
"Goddamn HYDRA," Steve snarled. He balled up his fist and swung at the nearest wall.
Phil threw his whole weight against Steve's arm, wrapping himself around the wrist so that they spun about. That deflected the blow so that Steve's fist missed the wall. Steve stumbled into the center of the room, wildly off balance.
"No hitting," Phil said in his firmest voice. "Remember that JARVIS is part of this building, and that even you could break your hand by punching a reinforced wall."
"What -- what just happened?" Steve stammered. He seemed to go from furious to bewildered in the space of a breath.
"I don't know," Phil said. "Come here and let's talk about it."
Steve leaned against the nearest wall and then slid slowly to the floor. "I was just -- I felt so angry all of a sudden. It came out of nowhere."
"Bucky and Bruce both have experience with that sort of thing," Phil said. The similarity raised a suspicion in his mind. He reached out and cupped Steve's face, tracing the crease with his thumb.
Steve flinched.
Phil let go. "Am I hurting you?"
"No," Steve said. "No, I'm just hypersensitive all of a sudden." His breathing sounded ragged and his chest shuddered.
"Okay. Try to calm yourself down," Phil said. "Take slow, deep breaths. Put your palms on the floor and feel the texture of the carpet. Focus on the present moment. You have a good strong body. It will help you bounce back if you let it ..." Phil kept murmuring instructions to Steve while he gradually settled down.
At last Steve rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. "I don't know what came over me. That was really scary."
"Yes, it was," Phil said. "Will you let me look you over?" Steve nodded. Phil knew enough first aid to run a quick check. He frowned, fingers curled over Steve's wrist. "Your pulse is elevated. It's not much, but enough to notice."
"Oh that can't be good," Steve said. It took a lot for his body to show any kind of stress or fatigue from exertion.
Phil traced over the crease on Steve's cheek again, fading now but still visible. "This looks like you slept on Bucky's shoulder."
"Yeah, we like to stay close at night," Steve said.
"That may be the problem," Phil said. "Remember what Tony said about the auxiliary power source?"
"It's contained."
"It also has a range of one to two feet."
The penny dropped. "You think it did this to me," Steve said, his eyes widening.
"I think it's likely," Phil said. "Come on, let's go up to the common kitchen for breakfast. Low blood sugar undermines emotional regulation. Bruce will probably be there too, and we can ask him what he thinks."
"Yeah," Steve said as he climbed to his feet. He hunched a little. "I'm really sorry."
"Apology accepted. You weren't yourself at the time," Phil said. He ushered Steve into the elevator. Then Phil pulled out his Starkphone and tapped out a few commands. "Here, borrow some worksheets for emotional monitoring. Fill in what just happened. That will help us figure out if there's a pattern to this."
"Okay," Steve said. Obediently he took the phone and started working on the assignment as they rode to the common floor. He seemed shaken but still functional.
When they reached the kitchen, it smelled deliciously of eggs and sausage. Clint and Bruce were standing over the crockpot, arms draped casually around each other. Clint held a plate while Bruce scooped breakfast casserole onto it.
"Morning, folks," said Clint.
"Good morning," Phil replied. Steve just flopped down at the table without responding, his attention focused on the worksheets.
Instantly Bruce peeled away from Clint. "Steve, what's wrong?" he asked. "This isn't like you."
"I don't know," Steve said in a small voice. "I snapped at Phil. I, um, I need to finish this."
"Okay," Bruce said as he sat down. He pulled out his own phone. "JARVIS, show me what happened, please."
Clint sat down at the table, setting one plate in front of himself and another in front of Bruce. "Here, don't forget to eat," he said. Phil hoped that Clint would get enough to eat, too, since the conversation was likely to chase him out of the room.
"Mmm-hmm," Bruce said absently, taking a forkful without looking away from the phone. "JARVIS, I want an hour-by-hour summary of Bucky and Steve from last night." He frowned over the results.
Phil left Steve to Bruce for the moment. He filled another two plates, one for himself and a larger portion for Steve. Then he put them on the table and sat down. "How are you doing?" Phil asked when Steve finally put aside the phone and started eating.
"Little better," Steve said. "This must be so much worse for Bucky. I let him fall, I let him get captured, this is all my fault. Then when we found him, I had to make Hawkeye shoot him in the back --"
"Hey, no, none of that," Clint said. "I couldn't shoot him from the front; the Winter Soldier was too fast, he would've dodged. That was the only way to get him out of enemy hands safely, and we all knew it, and it worked. Do not beat up on yourself about that. You made the right call."
"Doesn't stop it from hurting," Steve said.
"Yeah, I know," Clint said. He took a deep, steadying breath and then continued. "When Loki mind-raped me, Phil and Natasha never gave up on me even though I was compromised. Natasha had to kick me in the head to break Loki's hold over me -- and Steve, I'm glad she did that." Clint reached out to put a hand on Steve's shoulder. "Yeah, it hurt. I know it was hard for her. But it was a lot better than leaving me under enemy control or shooting me dead. She knows -- she just knows me, understands what I would want even when I couldn't say it myself. She was there for me when I needed her, no matter how hard it was for both of us. I'm really grateful for it."
Steve stared for a moment, and Phil couldn't blame him. Clint rarely spoke about what had happened to him. Then Steve managed to drag his social awareness back into working order enough to figure out what Clint meant by telling him that. "You think Bucky feels the same way," Steve guessed.
"Yeah, he thinks you saved him, and he's real attached to that notion, so don't shake it up for him," Clint said. "We've talked about it, just a little, during target practice and stuff."
"I, um. Thanks. I'll try to keep that in mind," Steve said.
"Anytime," Clint said, and turned back to his breakfast.
Phil was quietly thrilled to see him dealing with the topic of mind control, even in small portions. "Good job, Clint," he murmured. Clint gave him a little smile. Phil turned his attention back to his excellent breakfast.
* * *
Notes:
Morning routines are helpful for people with memory problems, such as dementia, or in this case cyclic amnesia caused by mad science torture. Ordinary folks just use them to help jumpstart the day. Here are some sample routines from successful people. Even without JARVIS, there apps for morning routines.
Mood swings often accompany PTSD or TBI. There are ways to cope with PTSD in the family and help people with TBI. These two conditions may compound issues when they appear together. Steve and Bucky both have PTSD, plus the influence of malicious technology in Bucky's arm, and Bucky has further damage from war injuries and subsequent maltreatment. Understand how to deal with emotional lability.
Violent outbursts can be very difficult to handle. Anger can overflow due to brain dysfunctions. This type of problem is new and scary for Steve. Know how to cope with explosive behavior, how to calm someone else down, and how to calm yourself.
Executive functions include working memory, mental flexibility, and self-control based in the prefrontal brain. TBI and PTSD can severely impair these functions. Furthermore Bucky's energy source, like the rest of the Winter Soldier's control program and also like Loki's scepter, was explicitly designed to interfere with such processes. There are ways to improve your executive functioning skills and help children learn them.
[To be continued in Part 2 ...]
(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-13 12:20 pm (UTC)Anger sources
Date: 2015-06-13 12:55 pm (UTC)There are more, but that's the list that came off the top of my head.
Re: Anger sources
Date: 2015-06-13 07:34 pm (UTC)* Traumatic injury (brain, body, emotional) which has not healed fully in the anger-as-defense areas; (falling off a mountain, mad science torture, assorted abuse, assorted combat injuries)
* chronic pain; (one of many reasons HYDRA tech is crap)
* addictive substances (particularly narcotics such as painkillers and amphetamines, as well as euphoriants which inspire aggressive mania and end in emotional crashes) (while in enemy hands as part of the control program, possibly also at SHIELD; the substances have worn off but he's not fully recovered from what they did to him)
* persons under the effect of angry or violent environments (such as prisoners, individuals in a mob situation, sensitive or empathic persons near violent or angry beings - common in house possession cases). (basically everything between falling off the mountain and walking into the tower)
Plus the malicious energy source.
For Steve it's mostly past damage; he's been injured or otherwise brutalized many times, grew up in a rough neighborhood, and has the energy source picking at him. Takes more to knock him off his feet because his emotional equilibrium is so strong, but it can still happen.
Re: Anger sources
Date: 2016-11-21 07:57 pm (UTC)Re: Anger sources
Date: 2016-11-21 08:24 pm (UTC)Very similar, but at that speed, it's called labile mood, emotional lability, or emotional dysregulation. This occurs in a variety of related mood disorders, but in different ways and speeds. Frex, borderline personality disorder is more prone to rapid changes while bipolar disorder tends toward long phases.
If this appeals to you, then you might like Waverly Varo, who has labile mood. She's introduced in ",a href="http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/10339040.html">To Keep Growing" and features strongly in "Soup Stuff." It's another excellent example of how mental conditions can be managed in community instead of institutions or other medical models. You can also see the Terramagne-American tendency to include that information in introductions ("She has X, so please Y") for cases where someone's made it semi-public and asked for certain accommodations. The expectation is that people will treat that information responsibly.
>> I imagine if you asked him about the same event in two different 'moods', he'd have two completely different responses. <<
Likely so. Bucky is profoundly prone to state-dependent memory.
>> Some bipolar medicines might therefore work well for him. <<
Maybe? Something must, because HYDRA had him on all kinds of chemical restraints.
That's exactly the problem. His body has been jerked around so much that it's lost its equilibrium. Manipulating it further is just going to make the recovery process take longer -- and Bucky can recover, because he has super healing. So first, they need to get the energy source off him, because that's actively causing problems; and second, they need to weather the inevitable swings that will cause. Then see how well his body settles afterward, and if it's not stable enough, consider medications.
Bruce is taking a relatively conservative approach with chemical assists for Bucky, because way too many people have just drugged him until he did whatever they wanted. So in many ways, it's like treating an addict; things that would be helpful to someone else might cause adverse reactions or abrupt dependencies for Bucky. And the whole category of psychotropic medications is infamous for both of those drawbacks. The only time Bruce typically resorts to medication is when the situation becomes urgent because it's making serious trouble, like when Bucky couldn't sleep at all, hence the Nightcap tea.
On the bright side, many of the nonchemical ways of modifying mood which help some people with mood disorders have also worked for Bucky: improving sleep hygiene, meditation, exercise, healthy diet, counseling, assisted decision-making, a robust support network, etc. That can't solve the underlying problem -- nothing but surgery is getting that hardware off him -- but it can buffer many of the effects down to something that is survivable while they work out a permanent solution.
Re: Anger sources
Date: 2016-11-22 03:24 am (UTC)Re: Anger sources
Date: 2016-11-22 04:04 am (UTC)Bruce is fluent with herbs, and those do work for Bucky; that shows up in several places.
>> and if he suddenly becomes suicidal, that's a good fallback plan. (Which is entirely possible. If your brain chemicals aren't adjusted properly, you can play the Russian Roulette of symptoms for a LOOOONG time before things settle.) <<
Bucky seems not to be one of the Avengers with that problem. For Bruce, it's canon, and he didn't even try to hide it. Steve and Tony at least attempted to find mission-compatible excuses.
>> I use a peppermint-basil combination for depression, myself, and it's not as strong as a pharmacy med, but it certainly can lift me from 'crashing' to 'just need a nap'. <<
Oh, that's good. I know that Bruce keeps ingredients for depression too -- which is more of a risk for Bucky -- because that's also a problem he has. And Thor, my gods, what a clinical picture of depression in the opener of Thor 2. :/
(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-13 01:19 pm (UTC)You know, I've been thinking about the topic of mind control a bit. [related to what I'm writing] and it occurs to me that there's enough evidence now to formulate a hypothesis as to how the tesseract, Loki's sceptre and Bucky's aux power supply affect a person's brain.
As far as I can see as well as stimulating the limbic region it appears to affect, even suppress the prefrontal neocortex inhibiting executive functions. It sort of mimics roughly the effects of PTSD, which implies it probably has some involvement with the hippocampus as well, altering or suppressing emotional memory.
That said.. deep brain stimulation, trans-cranial magnetic stimulation or certain classes of drug would probably help [although I can see why they'd be reluctant to pursue those].. but ideally, getting rid of the power source would be better.
To which end, if I was Tony Stark, I;d be looking really hard at this research. It's somewhat out of his field, but Tony would still need to build a embedded machine interface to bridge the gap between Bucky and the new arm's nervous systems... or find someone capable of splicing nerves. [which isn't as easy as it sounds.]
Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-14 09:50 am (UTC)Okay ...
>> As far as I can see as well as stimulating the limbic region it appears to affect, even suppress the prefrontal neocortex inhibiting executive functions. <<
That's a big part of it, yes. Essentially it pushes function from the forebrain toward the hindbrain.
>> It sort of mimics roughly the effects of PTSD, which implies it probably has some involvement with the hippocampus as well, <<
Yes.
>> altering or suppressing emotional memory.<<
With Bucky there's a very strong memory suppression factor, but it can't actually edit. Remove the drugs, programming, and power source -- he'll recover his original memories. But it seriously impairs his ability to form NEW memories. Take away the scaffolding and the ones created under the influence will mostly crumble.
The tesseract, unguided, seemed to encourage delusions. So too with the scepter. But Loki was entirely capable of guiding the scepter to do far more; he's deft enough to make some edits. Mostly what he did, though, was reorient -- he changed Hawkeye's allegiance, not his nature. It actually takes more skill to wield that much power without tearing apart a mortal mind, than just letting it rip like Loki did with the random goons. He must've cared about Hawkeye and Selvig, or there wouldn't have been anything left of them to salvage. Look what the other Infinity Stones do to people who touch them or even get near them. Loki had to be protecting the people he actually wanted.
>> That said.. deep brain stimulation, trans-cranial magnetic stimulation <<
That's why the arc reactor helps.
>> or certain classes of drug would probably help [although I can see why they'd be reluctant to pursue those].. <<
Sound reasons not to. Bucky's body has been flushed of the drugs, but some of the effects are taking a while to wear off. The sleep disturbances and metabolic swings tie into that, for instance. As Dr. Banner has explained, when a body is unstable and fluctuating after manipulation, then it's not a good idea to mess with it more, unless the person's life is in danger or they're so miserable it outweighs the risks. They're doing okay managing Bucky's problems with mostly nonchemical methods, thus letting him heal from the evil drugs. Plus which, coming up with anything that works on supersoldiers is hard, especially if you want to avoid dangerous side effects. HYDRA cared fuckall about side effects. :( So no wonder Bucky is a mess. They've got a few options, but Dr. Banner prefers to save those for a last resort until Bucky's body figures out its baseline.
That doesn't even get into Bucky's own feelings about being drugged, even for beneficial reasons. He's a mess of having grown up with minimal health care, so yay being able to have some, except now it's all fucked up with images of HYDRA hacks. So that pushes him toward the "only as a last resort" end for psychological reasons too. Bruce is managing to tease out some of the "yay health care!" line though.
>>but ideally, getting rid of the power source would be better. <<
Yep. Anything short of that is basically palliative care.
>> To which end, if I was Tony Stark, I;d be looking really hard at this research. It's somewhat out of his field, but Tony would still need to build a embedded machine interface to bridge the gap between Bucky and the new arm's nervous systems... or find someone capable of splicing nerves. [which isn't as easy as it sounds.] <<
Regrowing an arm would be more Dr. Banner's territory. Tony is not a meat mechanic. And that's okay, because Bucky doesn't hate the idea of a metal arm, he hates that HYDRA harnessed him with a horrible one. He'll be fine wearing Starktech, once he gets used to it. As for splicing nerves, that's exactly how the current rig works, and the new one will be a much saner version. Bucky's controlling the metal arm as fluently as a flesh one, and that requires a neural interface. It just has a bunch of practical drawbacks that Tony's itching to upgrade.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-13 01:21 pm (UTC)Does this mean the power source's effects are dissipated when spread over two people - was Bucky better because Steve took some of the brunt?
Lightbulb
Date: 2015-06-13 02:27 pm (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-13 07:25 pm (UTC)Yay, then I did it right!
>> Does this mean the power source's effects are dissipated when spread over two people - was Bucky better because Steve took some of the brunt? <<
Hmm ... part of it is hooked directly into Bucky's body, so he's always getting the most of it. But if it's giving off radiation of some kind into the air, and that gets soaked up by something/someone other than Bucky, there would be a little reduction in what he takes in.
Bucky is probably deriving more benefit from the contact comfort than from the direct reduction, but if he stopped cuddling people, he'd notice a definite hit to his mood. Consider how much he's improved since he relaxed enough to let people touch him more and is getting cuddle-sleep about every other night now. He probably bunks with Steve at least part of nights even when Bucky can't sleep.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-13 02:35 pm (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-13 07:50 pm (UTC)That would help.
>> (Are you incorporating the Infinity Stone bit into it? Because that would be awesome.) <<
Sort of. The Tesseract is one of the stones. Loki's scepter was powered by another. But then people looked at those things and started making other things inspired by them. So Bucky's arm and SHIELD's Phase II guns are basically cheap knockoffs of Infinity Stones.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-13 08:31 pm (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-13 08:40 pm (UTC)Because gentleness is controlled strength.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-13 08:42 pm (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-13 08:45 pm (UTC)Yay!
>> although I am not quite sure how we went from Power Ranger!Bucky to arc reactor. But! They are both awesome. :) <<
Because I'm not writing crossover fic in that regard, so I looked for the closest parallel within Avengers canon. The difference between Tony Stark and Iron Man is using the arc reactor to power up the armor, similar to how the Power Rangers use their foci to suit up. It'll be a little different for Bucky, but the underlying concept remains similar.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-13 08:48 pm (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-13 10:13 pm (UTC)It is a cool idea. I didn't think you were necessarily prompting for it, but I need to keep storylines clear in my head ... that was basically me sorting out loud. I have dozens of universes in here; I have to keep track of them.
>> But oooh, yes, that *is* similar, isn't it? So many paralells...*hugs headcanons* <<
:D I love comparing things like that.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-15 12:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-13 04:57 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2015-06-13 07:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-13 07:29 pm (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-13 08:25 pm (UTC)It is a nice happy beginning, so people have something to go on when ...
>> And then is swings around and I'm worried about STEVE who is the one having a bad day today. <<
... this happens.
>> They're like a seesaw. One goes up, the other goes down. <<
That's actually canon, if you know to watch for it. It's uncommon for Steve and Bucky to be both up or both down at the same time. Their relationship is built on helping each other. The main change to it was that after Project Rebirth, Steve became a lot more effective at helping Bucky back. They're still trying to figure out all the effects from that, because they got so little time together before getting split up.
>> I love though, that they have the whole team ready and willing to help them. <<
:D That's what family is for, what teamwork is for. The Avengers have been together long enough now that they are getting really fluent at addressing everyone's issues. They can't fix everything, but they are terrific at catching when things start to go wrong and applying damage control. No more of this bullshit with someone miserating for 3-4 days and then going on a wild tear because there's nobody to help.
>> Phil calming down Steve and getting him to do paperwork to work though his feelings <<
For other folks, the paperwork has subtly different purposes. Phil finds it actually soothing because he is an odd duck. Most of the team find it a distraction that helps them ramp down the intensity of feelings, and for everyone the tracking aspects are useful. The latter is a crucial result here because they need to confirm WHY Steve just flew off the handle and how to prevent a recurrence.
>> and Bruce just INSTANTLY knowing somethings wrong, <<
Bruce grew up in an abusive home. His Oh-Shit-ometer is hair-trigger sensitive. So Bruce is picking up that Steve looks bad and also that frisson of aggression that is not normal for Steve; while Hulk is picking up the emotional stress more clearly and conveying that to Bruce too.
>> and having JARVIS show him what happened. It's really, really, really handy for all of them with all of their PTSD problems, that JARVIS is always there and watching, so there's no having to play telephone game to try to explain a traumatic episode, JARVIS can just show a video clip, hell including what they like brain waves and vitals where since he can see all that. <<
Yes. Things like this are why the Avengers are becoming more tolerant of surveillance and intervention, because here it works. It's used for their benefit, not used against them. So as they learn to rely on it for their own uses and to help each other, their feelings shift toward the positive. JARVIS being able to watch everyone discreetly, and the rest of the teamfamily being available at need, radically increases what each of them can do or at least try to do. Because if they fumble or something goes wrong for no immediate reason, there's backup right there to catch them. When things are going smooth, though, they're free to do as much as they want on their own. It really boosts their functionality, and that accomplishment and those freedoms let them make more progress.
>> And now even Clint is getting better, and now able to talk about his own issues, even if right now he's doing it to help others, rather then for his own sake. <<
Sooth. It's often easier to deal with someone else's problems than your own. Clint's experience helping others is also reflecting back on his own issues, though.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-14 03:27 am (UTC)Clint's experience is most like Peter Venkman's (The Real Ghostbusters cartoon) possession. He had the benefit of not killing anyone, but the threat was there.
In a fic I'm still licking into shape I'm working some angles with Pepper and Bucky.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-06-15 09:40 am (UTC)Similar, yes.
>> Clint's experience is most like Peter Venkman's (The Real Ghostbusters cartoon) possession. He had the benefit of not killing anyone, but the threat was there. <<
Yeah, that makes sense. Clint is still freaked about that: his body, not his choices, but the first-person perspective makes him feel responsible for what happened.
>> In a fic I'm still licking into shape I'm working some angles with Pepper and Bucky.<<
Fascinating.
JARVIS
Date: 2015-06-13 08:50 pm (UTC)AGE OF ULTRON SPOILERS!
This is a bit off topic.
When I went to see AoU, I was terrified that JARVIS was going to be evil. JARVIS is possibly my favorite character in all of MCU. He's non-evil AI, how often do you see that? You don't. You don't see that, because humans are awful about it. And because Internet, I'd heard that Paul Bettany had a bigger role, so I figured they were turning JARVIS evil. I've rarely been so happy to be wrong. I'm not terribly happy about Ultron's unclear, not terribly logical motives, but that's another post. Anyway, in the scene where JARVIS apparently dies, no one except Tony realizes that JARVIS counts as a person, or seems terribly upset. And everyone seemed to be giving Tony the "there goes the crazy genius again" look. I could go on about the way everyone reacts to the creation of Ultron, but I won't.
Re: JARVIS
Date: 2015-07-04 03:17 am (UTC)Steve's apology to JARVIS happens later, and offscreen, but is mentioned in a subsequent chapter.
>> When I went to see AoU, I was terrified that JARVIS was going to be evil. <<
Agreed.
>> JARVIS is possibly my favorite character in all of MCU. He's non-evil AI, how often do you see that? You don't. You don't see that, because humans are awful about it. <<
Yyyyyeah. 0_o That sucks.
>> And because Internet, I'd heard that Paul Bettany had a bigger role, so I figured they were turning JARVIS evil. I've rarely been so happy to be wrong. I'm not terribly happy about Ultron's unclear, not terribly logical motives, but that's another post. <<
I saw a meme about how Ultron spent 10 seconds on the internet and decided that humanity needed to die. Considering some of what's on the internet, well ...
>> Anyway, in the scene where JARVIS apparently dies, no one except Tony realizes that JARVIS counts as a person, or seems terribly upset.<<
Oh, someone else did. You missed the look on Bruce's face when Tony laid out the diagram of JARVIS' butchered code.
>> And everyone seemed to be giving Tony the "there goes the crazy genius again" look. I could go on about the way everyone reacts to the creation of Ultron, but I won't. <<
What bothered me the most was that it's yet another round of Bruce saying "Don't do that, it will turn out badly" and being ignored and it turns out badly. >_
Re: JARVIS
Date: 2015-07-05 02:56 am (UTC)Funny, but Ultron's ability to process data is much higher than any human's in a similar time frame. He should've found a significant chunk of the good stuff, too. It's just... eurgh. Peace in our time by definition includes the humans who are talking. I mean, that may not be the details of the programming, but Ultron's motives are never explained well enough for him to be a person, really. He's just Evil AI because AI are Evil. Boo.
>>You missed the look on Bruce's face when Tony laid out the diagram of JARVIS' butchered code.<<
That's good to know. I was kind of distracted. Still. The other four members of the team don't care. I am not okay with this.
>>What bothered me the most was that it's yet another round of Bruce saying "Don't do that, it will turn out badly" and being ignored and it turns out badly.<<
Also very bad. People never listen to Bruce, and it makes a lot of problems. And why is it that Tony never seems to learn anything? It's really, really frustrating when they have these arcs that seem to end with him figuring out that doing something isn't always the best course of action, and then next movie, there he is, doing it again, and nothing is said about how that came to be. I mean, the mind whammies probably have something to do with it, but it still felt weirdly easy. And no one ever figures out the mind whammies from Scarlet Witch and the scepter, which is really sad and I don't really get the sense that it's intentional, you know? They just made Tony Stark do things because plot and that's that. You're making money now because CHARACTER DRIVEN superhero movies, Marvel. Don't mess it up.
It's really very funny how much I've come to care about Tony Stark. He's exactly the sort of person I loathe most at the beginning of IM1, and I wasn't terribly impressed the first time I watched it, but over time, he's wormed his way into my heart.
I may have posted about this somewhere already, but I think I just thought about it, so apologies if I'm repeating myself. I got the sense at the beginning of AoU that we were starting in the middle. I really do believe that if the acting had had more chemistry and the background had been set up properly and they hadn't done that whole thing with the extremely unfortunate implications about Tasha's personhood and fertility, the whole Bruce/Natasha thing could've been awesome instead of ughy. Might also have helped if Joss Whedon had any idea how to write a healthy romance in progress. Though I think he directed rather than writing. Whatever. Somehow it still seems relevant.
I still really want to know WTF was even going on with the "Language!" thing at the beginning. What even was happening? (Other than people epically failing to understand Steve Rogers).
Also, now that I've spent a jillion words complaining about it, allow me to appreciate one of the best moments of the movie: Steve giving Maria Hill the what-for for giving Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver a hard time for trying to help their people. At least as far as that intelligence briefing could figure.
If anything I've said is inaccurate or something, I'm officially blaming the heat. I'm in a second-floor apartment with no air conditioning and shitty ventilation, and I can't open the doors or the cats will get out.
Also, I don't want to sound difficult, but what just happened? This comment was made three weeks ago. Obviously you're in no way obligated to reply to comments, especially off-topic ones in a thread for a story you make no money on, but it's highly unusual for you to reply to a comment after so long. I'd pretty much half-assumed I'd offended you in some way, half told myself that was crazy and then did my best to forget about it. I'm sorry.
Re: JARVIS
Date: 2015-07-05 03:39 am (UTC)Yes, that's true. Same for JARVIS.
>> He should've found a significant chunk of the good stuff, too. <<
True, but the really good stuff online is the minority. There is a lot out there that's just vicious crap. Or incomprehensible crap. It's kind of hard to blame an infant for freaking out over that. Ultron was, what, a minute old when he went berserk? What child wouldn't? Self-regulation takes time to develop.
Are we surprised that Tony made a baby and promptly dropped this one on his head?
>> It's just... eurgh. Peace in our time by definition includes the humans who are talking. I mean, that may not be the details of the programming, but Ultron's motives are never explained well enough for him to be a person, really. He's just Evil AI because AI are Evil. Boo. <<
That's a very plausible interpretation.
>>That's good to know. I was kind of distracted. Still. The other four members of the team don't care. I am not okay with this.<<
I'm not happy about it, but it's accurate. They don't know JARVIS is a person. Why? Because most people don't know that. He hasn't broken cover for them, because the team is a fucking mess, and JARVIS knows perfectly well how most humans view AIs. The only ones who apparently earned his trust were Bruce-and-Hulk. Bruce was able to stay calm because he shoveled all his grief onto Hulk. It's there for a fraction of a second, someone just murdered my friend, and *flush* down the tubes. So Hulk was probably bawling his eyes out for hours, where nobody could see. No wonder he's in a crappy mood when he comes out.
>> Also very bad. People never listen to Bruce, and it makes a lot of problems. <<
Yes, exactly. I despise this. I hate seeing him railroaded. So in my series, when people ignore Bruce's warnings, they pay for it, and the sensible ones figure out that -- gosh, who would've thought? -- the genius knows what he is talking about and they should listen to him next time. So going on from here, every time someone steps on Bruce in front of Bucky, it'll be Bucky going, "Hey, you should really listen to him or you're gonna regret it." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, first there's the part where eating that will make you sick, and then there's the part where I punch you through a wall for upsetting my friend."
>> And why is it that Tony never seems to learn anything? <<
Because plot reset. It's a problem more typical of serial television, but also happens in some franchise movies. They don't want to make major changes. This really grates on my nerves.
>> It's really, really frustrating when they have these arcs that seem to end with him figuring out that doing something isn't always the best course of action, and then next movie, there he is, doing it again, and nothing is said about how that came to be. <<
Exactly.
>>I mean, the mind whammies probably have something to do with it, but it still felt weirdly easy. And no one ever figures out the mind whammies from Scarlet Witch and the scepter, which is really sad and I don't really get the sense that it's intentional, you know? <<
They probably just lost track of it. Or the characters don't bother to track it down because hey, they're just here to blow shit up. Analysis is for the suits. 0_o Or Bruce figured it out, looked at the results, and went, "Should I tell them? Nah, nobody ever fucking listens to me," and just stuffed it in a file.
>>They just made Tony Stark do things because plot and that's that. You're making money now because CHARACTER DRIVEN superhero movies, Marvel. Don't mess it up.<<
Sadly so.
>> It's really very funny how much I've come to care about Tony Stark. He's exactly the sort of person I loathe most at the beginning of IM1, and I wasn't terribly impressed the first time I watched it, but over time, he's wormed his way into my heart.<<
Same here. He was SUCH a dick. But he's been abused his whole life, and he acts exactly like a survivor, so that's interesting to watch.
>> I got the sense at the beginning of AoU that we were starting in the middle. I really do believe that if the acting had had more chemistry and the background had been set up properly <<
More setup would have helped.
>> and they hadn't done that whole thing with the extremely unfortunate implications about Tasha's personhood and fertility, <<
Well, it is canon that the Red Room didn't want its honeypots getting pregnant, which made sense. I don't think the handling went all that well. I mean Natasha isn't a motherly type, some women don't want kids, and it just doesn't seem like the kind of thing she'd angst about. She doesn't even understand body autonomy well enough to understand that what they did to her was wrong, based on other things she's said or done in the movies.
>> the whole Bruce/Natasha thing could've been awesome instead of ughy. <<
I liked some of the concept. I didn't like where Bruce said no, and no this isn't a good idea, and no I'm really not interested, and NONE of that was ever respected. Like I said, Natasha has no brakes. She doesn't even realize there's a line there that she's crossing, because why would she? Her body is a weapon.
No wonder Hulk bailed. He was getting to where he kind of liked her, and then, oh yeah, that thing where everyone lies to them and uses them as a weapon and totally ignores their wishes, and *dial tone*
>> Might also have helped if Joss Whedon had any idea how to write a healthy romance in progress. Though I think he directed rather than writing. Whatever. Somehow it still seems relevant. <<
Sad, really. But then few people know how to write a healthy romance, because they haven't seen any.
>> I still really want to know WTF was even going on with the "Language!" thing at the beginning. What even was happening? (Other than people epically failing to understand Steve Rogers). <<
Steve doesn't like foul language. He knows what it is, he's heard it all before, but it's unpleasant. He'll put up with it for a while and then tries to ask people to kindly stop stabbing him in the ears. And his so-called team makes fun of him for it. Because they are assholes. Just like the whole internet mocked everyone who wants or needs to remove the nasty terms from things they are reading, like that makes you a bad person. Really? For wanting to be able to read more than Dick and Jane, without slogging through pottytalk that spoils the fun? >_<
>> Also, now that I've spent a jillion words complaining about it, allow me to appreciate one of the best moments of the movie: Steve giving Maria Hill the what-for for giving Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver a hard time for trying to help their people. At least as far as that intelligence briefing could figure. <<
That was wonderful. Yes. The twins are loyal to their country. It's not fair to be pissed at them because your country is different and theirs is in your way. They're doing exactly the same thing as Captain America, just for Sokovia. EXACTLY, if they volunteered instead of were captured.
>> If anything I've said is inaccurate or something, I'm officially blaming the heat. I'm in a second-floor apartment with no air conditioning and shitty ventilation, and I can't open the doors or the cats will get out. <<
:P No fun.
>> Also, I don't want to sound difficult, but what just happened? <<
I got busy with other stuff. There's always more to do than I have time for. That means one of the first things to get cut when I run out of time is fanfic, including replies.
>> This comment was made three weeks ago. Obviously you're in no way obligated to reply to comments, especially off-topic ones in a thread for a story you make no money on, but it's highly unusual for you to reply to a comment after so long. <<
Then toward the end of the month, I go back and update records, which means if I stumble across an overlooked message, sometimes I answer them.
>> I'd pretty much half-assumed I'd offended you in some way, half told myself that was crazy and then did my best to forget about it. I'm sorry. <<
Nope, if I don't answer it is almost always because I ran out of time, or that the message went astray. It's almost never because I was offended; it's really hard to do that. If you don't hear back from me, assume it's one of those first two reasons. If it's something important you can always ping me again.
Re: JARVIS
Date: 2015-07-05 11:01 pm (UTC)Sadly, no.
>>I'm not happy about it, but it's accurate. They don't know JARVIS is a person. Why? Because most people don't know that. He hasn't broken cover for them, because the team is a fucking mess, and JARVIS knows perfectly well how most humans view AIs.<<
I know. It's just I want stories to tell me that things really can get better, and that doesn't. There's a reason that my primary intake of new reading is stuff that's labeled by induced feeling rather than topic.
>>Bruce was able to stay calm because he shoveled all his grief onto Hulk. It's there for a fraction of a second, someone just murdered my friend, and *flush* down the tubes. So Hulk was probably bawling his eyes out for hours, where nobody could see. No wonder he's in a crappy mood when he comes out.<<
So sad. And the handling of that whole thing is its own rant. "Veronica", honestly.
>>Steve doesn't like foul language. He knows what it is, he's heard it all before, but it's unpleasant.<<
That's not an interpretation that had occurred to me. But I don't tend to care all that much about rude words unless they're some kind of ist. Which most are, and I have lots of feelings and opinions about that, but he does care about Christian things (it was in response to "damn", right?) in a way I don't. Though that doesn't explain the line in CATFA.
>>He'll put up with it for a while and then tries to ask people to kindly stop stabbing him in the ears. And his so-called team makes fun of him for it. Because they are assholes.<<
Eurgh! I hate it when people do that, especially sympathetic characters. Even though I don't really think of that moment as being in character for Steve, the other characters' reactions still upset me.
>>Nope, if I don't answer it is almost always because I ran out of time, or that the message went astray. It's almost never because I was offended; it's really hard to do that. If you don't hear back from me, assume it's one of those first two reasons. If it's something important you can always ping me again.<<
Fair enough. I've been having a bad few months in terms of social stuff, so it was a lot to do with that.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-13 09:33 pm (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2015-06-13 10:11 pm (UTC)Yay!
>> but my absolute favorite bit is Bruce and Clint cooking breakfast with their arms slung around each other. <<
They are really getting into a close relationship as touch-buddies. It's helping both of them stabilize their emotions.
>> My second favorite bit is Clint talking about his experiences with Steve. I love all of it, but those are my favorite bits. <<
Clint is just getting to where he's healed enough to start processing what happened to him while he was possessed. At first he couldn't even remember it because of all the trauma, but then he started to recover his awareness of events and feelings, his own and what he picked up from Loki. Early on, SHIELD was picking at him to deal with it immediately. That actually makes PTSD worse. So Phil made them back off and told Clint to deal with it when he felt ready. It's like a badly ripped muscle; you have to let the edges knit back together before you can do occupational therapy.
At this stage, Clint has recovered from the initial trauma and is in a safe place with excellent support. So he's starting to poke gently at the sore spots to figure out how much motion he's got now and what he wants to work on fixing. Seeing Bucky's head problems is a way of giving Clint something to 'reach' for so that he can help a friend.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2015-06-13 11:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-13 11:56 pm (UTC)Second. I am loving the different days being separated into different stories. I loved Saturday, and I and loving Sunday so much so far. I feel bad for Steve ,but I love how Phil was able to snap him out of it by diverting instead of violence. I do think he owes JARVIS an apology though. I too love how close Bruce and Clint were while making breakfast. I love having that ease with someone in the kitchen. I can only do it with a few people. I am very protective over my kitchen with people I don't mesh with. I am sorry if this post seems odd. I tend to ramble. I'll leave with I love this chapter and I can't wait for more. I have been (im)patiently waiting for more. ^_^
Yay!
Date: 2015-07-04 03:19 am (UTC)I'm delighted to hear that!
>>Second. I am loving the different days being separated into different stories. I loved Saturday, and I and loving Sunday so much so far.<<
*happydance* I am so glad that it's working for people.
>> I feel bad for Steve ,but I love how Phil was able to snap him out of it by diverting instead of violence. <<
Phil is good at this sort of thing. He's seen people lose their shit before.
>> I do think he owes JARVIS an apology though. <<
It's offscreen, but mentioned in a later chapter.
>>I too love how close Bruce and Clint were while making breakfast. I love having that ease with someone in the kitchen. I can only do it with a few people. I am very protective over my kitchen with people I don't mesh with. <<
Bruce and Clint are touch-buddies and need each other for that contact.
>> I am sorry if this post seems odd. I tend to ramble. I'll leave with I love this chapter and I can't wait for more. I have been (im)patiently waiting for more. ^_^ <<
It's fine.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-15 10:36 am (UTC)Thank you for writing :) - nonny75
You're welcome!
Date: 2015-06-15 09:03 pm (UTC)Yeah, that would be very useful. A lot of this series, like Polychrome Heroics, entails gathering how-to-adult resources.
>> Thank you for writing :) - nonny75 <<
*bow, flourish* Happy to be of service!
(no subject)
Date: 2015-07-05 02:39 am (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2015-07-05 03:07 am (UTC)Indeed it is! :D I had one or two people figure out that implication at the time.
.> (Sorry, I'm currently re-reading the series, and when I hit that part of Hide And Seek, it reminded me of this chapter of this story.) <<
That's okay.
Also, remember how Tony wrapped himself around Bucky for hours on end, and then freaked out later in the day? Same thing. That power source shoots your emotional regulation right in the head.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-11-08 11:40 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2015-11-09 12:29 am (UTC)Yay! They are good touch-buddies, and they both need the contact comfort.
>> I got a little breathless when Clint was sharing about Loki - I love that he'd go there to help Steve! <<
The way I figure, Clint had some memory of what happened to him, but not much at first; it took time for him to sort it all out, what with the mind-rape and concussion and subsequent fighting for survival. Then he didn't want to talk about it, even though it gave him a raging case of insomnia. But once he got into a more supportive environment as the Avengers turned from an ad hoc team to a real family, Clint started to relax a little. He realized that he could come alongside the issue and mention little bits of it, without people trying to make him cut into the quick of it before he's ready. So there's a very slow reveal going on as he continues to sort through and compare his experiences with other people's when helpful.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-31 02:45 am (UTC)It's very relatable to see Steve unnerved by a new bad brain behavior (even though it is courtesy of the Hydra powe-source gadget) and very reassuring to read Phil talking him through it, Bruce collecting data, Clint offering an intimately meaningful point of comparison, etc.
One thing many of your stories/poems do very well is provide a sense of characters caring for others by doing the detail work of addressing what someone needs in each moment and overall, thereby showing both their competence and their loving attentiveness and providing useful research avenues for the reader as a bonus. The story of being competently cared for when vulnerable (and the flip side, planning and providing that care, too) is a healthful and needful one to rehearse and re-experience through fiction.
Thank you. <3
Thoughts
Date: 2020-12-31 02:57 am (UTC)I'm glad that resonates for you. It's an example of phantasmagoric things that echo things in this world. The cause might be different, but many of the effects and some of the solutions are the same.
>> and very reassuring to read Phil talking him through it, Bruce collecting data, Clint offering an intimately meaningful point of comparison, etc.<<
Yay! That's good to hear.
>> One thing many of your stories/poems do very well is provide a sense of characters caring for others by doing the detail work of addressing what someone needs in each moment and overall, thereby showing both their competence and their loving attentiveness and providing useful research avenues for the reader as a bonus. <<
:D I try to set good examples. I may not be able to fix the world, but I can show people what healthy relationships look like.
>> The story of being competently cared for when vulnerable (and the flip side, planning and providing that care, too) is a healthful and needful one to rehearse and re-experience through fiction. <<
I hope that it gives people ideas for how to take care of themselves and others. Really, that's the core of heroism. It's not about super powers. It's about super compassion.
>> Thank you. <3
*bow, flourish* Happy to be of service.