Story: "Green Eggs and Hulk" Part 1
Feb. 10th, 2014 12:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Saudades," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," and "Happy Hour."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Phil Coulson, Natasha Romanova, Clint Barton.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Canon-typical violence. This story is mostly fluff.
Summary: The Avengers fight some giant birds. After smashing the ones on the ground, Hulk gets bored. Agent Coulson reads him a story.
Notes: Birds. Teamwork. Team as family. Friendship. Multiplicity/Plurality. Communication. Anger management issues. Storytelling. Reading. Books. Hope. Nonsexual ageplay. Love. Bruce Banner needs a hug. Hulk needs a hug. #coulsonlives.
So ... slight change of plans. Audience interaction led to this short, fluffy story which chronologically follows "Hide and Seek." I want to post it now, because we've recently done some other out-of-sequence stuff. I have "Hairpins," the Phil and JARVIS retrospective story, which is complete and will post later. I'm also still working on the big piece about getting Bucky back into action. Sorry for the scramble, and I hope you enjoy this story.
Skip to Part 3, Part 4.
"Green Eggs and Hulk" Part 1
Hulk comes out to fight. City has bird problem. Hulk is confused. He thinks of pigeons and sparrows. Why need Hulk?
Bruce thinks of big birds with sharp beaks and claws. Inside their head are paintings of nasty birds and pictures of old bones.
Then first bird finds Hulk. Bird looks Hulk right in face! Hulk has never seen other bird so big and mean. Black feathers flash green in sun. "Hulk-bird," he says.
"Hulk, smash the birds!" says Star Man.
Hulk is happy to smash. He swings his big fist. Hulk-bird jumps away. It screams at him. Hulk roars back.
Hulk-bird is fast. Hulk is faster. He catches Hulk-bird and smashes it. Hulk spits out feathers and looks for new bird.
He smashes one, two, three Hulk-birds. He can count little bit.
Then two beaks peck on Hulk at once. He does not like that. Hulk roars. Birdie shoots one Hulk-bird. Hulk smashes other.
Hulk finds egg in park. Egg is big and green like Hulk. There is no fighting right here. Hulk stops to think. Maybe egg come from Hulk-bird.
Team needs to know about that. Hulk uses talky thing that Tinman made for him. "Hulk find egg," he says. "Big. Green. Hulk smash?"
Agent says, "No, don't smash it. I'll send someone to pick it up. Go smash more birds."
Hulk-birds are more fun to smash than eggs. Hulk goes. He fights hard. Hulk-birds peck him but Hulk is hard to hurt. Hulk is strongest!
One Hulk-bird grabs Red. Hulk squeezes it by neck. Hulk-bird drops Red. Hulk smells blood. Red limps away. Hulk squeezes until flapping stops. Hulk angry! HULK SMASH!
Soon there are no more Hulk-birds to fight. Hulk kicks last one again. Feathers fly. Hulk sneezes.
"Iron Man, bogey incoming on your six!" shouts Birdie.
"Hawkeye, get me ID on that plane," Tinman says.
"That's not an airplane, it's a fucking condor!" Birdie says.
Hulk looks. Birdie is right. Hulk-bird is size of plane. Hulk jumps, but Hulk-bird is too high to smash.
"I got this!" Tinman says.
Hulk stops jumping. Team is good. Tinman can smash way-high things. Hulk watches. Tinman flies away after plane-bird.
City is empty now. Hulk-birds all dead. Fire hydrant makes water. Hulk drinks from hydrant. Broken glass tinkles. Half a car honks and flashes. Boring.
"No more smash?" Hulk asks. "Bruce now?"
"No more smashing at the moment, Hulk, but we need you to wait a little longer," says Agent. "More of the birds might come."
Hulk humphs to himself and sits down. "Time?"
"It's four twenty-three in the afternoon," says Agent.
Not quite suppertime. Hulk is hungry anyway. Fighting is hard work. "Hulk wait," he says. He wants to be good for team.
So Hulk waits. Cloud goes over sun. Water from hydrant stops. Cloud goes away. Hulk picks feathers off himself. Feathers are bloody and itchy.
"Time?" Hulk asks.
"It's four twenty-eight, five minutes after the last time you asked," says Agent. "Are you bored? I can come keep you company."
* * *
Notes:
This story comes courtesy of audience discussion following Saudades."librarygeek mentioned in a comment, "I don't see Bruce getting poetry yet, I think. It would take emotional skills that Bruce doesn't have?" Then peoriapeoriawhereart said in another comment, "I think this worked for Bruce, because while he might not turn to poetry, I think it's in there. He's swimming in emotions, he just doesn't express them." That got me thinking that Hulk would love poetry, which led to me thinking about Dr. Seuss in some specific contexts, which are set later in the series. So then Anonymous (Kellyc) protested, "May I just say that it is NOT too early to have someone read Hulk Dr. Seuss? Because it really, really isn't." I thought about that further, and eventually came up with a current place to start this.
The giant birds are inspired by "terror birds" and extinct condors, so some of them are flightless while others can fly. Yes, there have been Hulk-sized birds and small-plane-sized birds.
Giant birds lay giant eggs. The largest known eggs came from the extinct elephant bird, up to three feet long, which is about the size that Hulk finds. The largest eggs laid by living birds come from ostriches.
Boredom is a challenge, especially for young children. It's important for children to learn how to entertain themselves. There are lots of fun options. A key problem for Hulk is that he has almost no life experience of his own. Bruce only lets him out willingly for fighting. So of course Hulk gets bored when there's nothing left to smash! He needs to learn about doing other things, and the team helps with that.
[To be continued in Part 2 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Phil Coulson, Natasha Romanova, Clint Barton.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Canon-typical violence. This story is mostly fluff.
Summary: The Avengers fight some giant birds. After smashing the ones on the ground, Hulk gets bored. Agent Coulson reads him a story.
Notes: Birds. Teamwork. Team as family. Friendship. Multiplicity/Plurality. Communication. Anger management issues. Storytelling. Reading. Books. Hope. Nonsexual ageplay. Love. Bruce Banner needs a hug. Hulk needs a hug. #coulsonlives.
So ... slight change of plans. Audience interaction led to this short, fluffy story which chronologically follows "Hide and Seek." I want to post it now, because we've recently done some other out-of-sequence stuff. I have "Hairpins," the Phil and JARVIS retrospective story, which is complete and will post later. I'm also still working on the big piece about getting Bucky back into action. Sorry for the scramble, and I hope you enjoy this story.
Skip to Part 3, Part 4.
"Green Eggs and Hulk" Part 1
Hulk comes out to fight. City has bird problem. Hulk is confused. He thinks of pigeons and sparrows. Why need Hulk?
Bruce thinks of big birds with sharp beaks and claws. Inside their head are paintings of nasty birds and pictures of old bones.
Then first bird finds Hulk. Bird looks Hulk right in face! Hulk has never seen other bird so big and mean. Black feathers flash green in sun. "Hulk-bird," he says.
"Hulk, smash the birds!" says Star Man.
Hulk is happy to smash. He swings his big fist. Hulk-bird jumps away. It screams at him. Hulk roars back.
Hulk-bird is fast. Hulk is faster. He catches Hulk-bird and smashes it. Hulk spits out feathers and looks for new bird.
He smashes one, two, three Hulk-birds. He can count little bit.
Then two beaks peck on Hulk at once. He does not like that. Hulk roars. Birdie shoots one Hulk-bird. Hulk smashes other.
Hulk finds egg in park. Egg is big and green like Hulk. There is no fighting right here. Hulk stops to think. Maybe egg come from Hulk-bird.
Team needs to know about that. Hulk uses talky thing that Tinman made for him. "Hulk find egg," he says. "Big. Green. Hulk smash?"
Agent says, "No, don't smash it. I'll send someone to pick it up. Go smash more birds."
Hulk-birds are more fun to smash than eggs. Hulk goes. He fights hard. Hulk-birds peck him but Hulk is hard to hurt. Hulk is strongest!
One Hulk-bird grabs Red. Hulk squeezes it by neck. Hulk-bird drops Red. Hulk smells blood. Red limps away. Hulk squeezes until flapping stops. Hulk angry! HULK SMASH!
Soon there are no more Hulk-birds to fight. Hulk kicks last one again. Feathers fly. Hulk sneezes.
"Iron Man, bogey incoming on your six!" shouts Birdie.
"Hawkeye, get me ID on that plane," Tinman says.
"That's not an airplane, it's a fucking condor!" Birdie says.
Hulk looks. Birdie is right. Hulk-bird is size of plane. Hulk jumps, but Hulk-bird is too high to smash.
"I got this!" Tinman says.
Hulk stops jumping. Team is good. Tinman can smash way-high things. Hulk watches. Tinman flies away after plane-bird.
City is empty now. Hulk-birds all dead. Fire hydrant makes water. Hulk drinks from hydrant. Broken glass tinkles. Half a car honks and flashes. Boring.
"No more smash?" Hulk asks. "Bruce now?"
"No more smashing at the moment, Hulk, but we need you to wait a little longer," says Agent. "More of the birds might come."
Hulk humphs to himself and sits down. "Time?"
"It's four twenty-three in the afternoon," says Agent.
Not quite suppertime. Hulk is hungry anyway. Fighting is hard work. "Hulk wait," he says. He wants to be good for team.
So Hulk waits. Cloud goes over sun. Water from hydrant stops. Cloud goes away. Hulk picks feathers off himself. Feathers are bloody and itchy.
"Time?" Hulk asks.
"It's four twenty-eight, five minutes after the last time you asked," says Agent. "Are you bored? I can come keep you company."
* * *
Notes:
This story comes courtesy of audience discussion following Saudades."
librarygeek mentioned in a comment, "I don't see Bruce getting poetry yet, I think. It would take emotional skills that Bruce doesn't have?" Then peoriapeoriawhereart said in another comment, "I think this worked for Bruce, because while he might not turn to poetry, I think it's in there. He's swimming in emotions, he just doesn't express them." That got me thinking that Hulk would love poetry, which led to me thinking about Dr. Seuss in some specific contexts, which are set later in the series. So then Anonymous (Kellyc) protested, "May I just say that it is NOT too early to have someone read Hulk Dr. Seuss? Because it really, really isn't." I thought about that further, and eventually came up with a current place to start this. The giant birds are inspired by "terror birds" and extinct condors, so some of them are flightless while others can fly. Yes, there have been Hulk-sized birds and small-plane-sized birds.
Giant birds lay giant eggs. The largest known eggs came from the extinct elephant bird, up to three feet long, which is about the size that Hulk finds. The largest eggs laid by living birds come from ostriches.
Boredom is a challenge, especially for young children. It's important for children to learn how to entertain themselves. There are lots of fun options. A key problem for Hulk is that he has almost no life experience of his own. Bruce only lets him out willingly for fighting. So of course Hulk gets bored when there's nothing left to smash! He needs to learn about doing other things, and the team helps with that.
[To be continued in Part 2 ...]
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-02-16 03:30 pm (UTC)And yet can deal with dearth longer. Someone has a piece where Philips realizes that it's Steve that's been shaking down the potato parings and other kitchen leavings. Others have Bucky figuring out that Steve being so physical means he needs more food than an ordinary man his size. And argues the Army can do better for their golden boy.
It is telling that SHIELD (or WSC) distrust Captain America as much as Hulk. Cage for one, mental tactics for another.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-02-17 04:57 am (UTC)That's true too. I think it's not just the Serum, but the fact that Steve's body already knew how to get by on not nearly enough. It's like how a desert marathoner can get lost and survive having no water for 2 weeks.
>> Someone has a piece where Philips realizes that it's Steve that's been shaking down the potato parings and other kitchen leavings. Others have Bucky figuring out that Steve being so physical means he needs more food than an ordinary man his size. And argues the Army can do better for their golden boy. <<
Yeah, I love stories with motifs like that.
>> It is telling that SHIELD (or WSC) distrust Captain America as much as Hulk. Cage for one, mental tactics for another. <<
O_O That is true, and all kinds of horrifying. The problem with using force to control people is that, if you ever lose it, you lose all hope of influencing them. Fortunately for the world, these two are heroes and won't stand by while it gets smashed, even if people have been abusing them.
It's not like they're new to that.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-02-17 06:08 pm (UTC)What they aren't prepared for (WSC or SHIELD) is Steve not just taking this stuff. He'll step up to save people, but he will start picking at loose threads. Organizations like that always have loose threads.
There are some fun stories where Steve hoists General Ross and the Republican far right by their respective petards. (And where he knowingly plays with the Colbert Report being so wholesome it adds fiber.)
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-02-19 03:55 am (UTC)Agreed.
>> I figure when they had crazy bounty (say a fresh cow carcass) Steve caught up. <<
Yes, I tend to write Steve as a gorge eater. Once people convince him that he can eat himself full, he will pile up a mountain of food and inhale it all. Sometimes he eats with two plates, or a mixing bowl instead of a cereal bowl, because his appetite is just that big.
I suspect that the Howling Commandoes would put a tray in his hands, and just keep sneaking things onto it. "Hey Steve, I'm done, finish this so it don't go to waste."
>> What they aren't prepared for (WSC or SHIELD) is Steve not just taking this stuff. He'll step up to save people, but he will start picking at loose threads. Organizations like that always have loose threads. <<
*yank*
"AUGH! Stop unraveling our world power!"
*yank* "Then stop messing with my friends."
*snicker* I am now imagining those cartoons where someone ties the loose end of a sweater to a cat's tail and the whole thing unravels into a pile of yarn.
>> There are some fun stories where Steve hoists General Ross and the Republican far right by their respective petards. (And where he knowingly plays with the Colbert Report being so wholesome it adds fiber.) <<
*laugh* Yeah, that never stops being funny. Another favorite is when people are calling Steve a boy scout, and he finds out about the BS current agenda against gays, and he loses his shit. There's another very similar story about him doing that with some other right-wing group.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-02-19 04:28 am (UTC)I'm envisioning Denier raiding the AWOL blackmarketeers and repatriating food to increase Steve's rations.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-02-19 07:06 pm (UTC)Easily. An average diet is 2000 calories per day, which goes up to 2500-3000 for intense exertion. At 4x normal that puts Steve around 10,000 to 12,000 calories. He probably hits the high end of that after he's been injured and is eating everything in site to fuel the repairs.
>> I'm envisioning Denier raiding the AWOL blackmarketeers and repatriating food to increase Steve's rations. <<
The black market, captured enemies, willing allies, abandoned gardens or stores, the bushes alongside the road, and anything else they could get their hands on.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-02-19 07:54 pm (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2014-02-19 07:55 pm (UTC)"It's a trap! There are two of them!"