Self-Soothing and Self-Control
Apr. 29th, 2013 01:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithAs part of the ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger," "Touch Aversion," and "Primates Need Touch." Skip ahead to "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," "Healthy Vulnerability," "Coping with Emotional Drop."
Self-Soothing and Self-Control
Self-soothing is a toolkit for taking care of yourself when you feel stressed. It is emotional first aid. It includes actions to engage the senses and occupy the mind with something more positive. These focus on personal touchstones for comfort, as different people find different things to be relaxing. You need to find things that work for you, not necessarily what someone else says you "should" find calming.
People who have post-traumatic stress disorder often turn to self-soothing to relieve negative feelings and boost positive ones. This is true for many other mental conditions as well. Healthy people also use self-soothing gestures when they feel stressed, just not as often. There are guides to body language that list common meanings for certain motions. Bear in mind that some people have idiosyncratic meanings.
There are some cultural constraints against self-soothing. People are discouraged from loving or caring for themselves, from expressing their emotions, in many ways. But it's often better than bottling up emotions until they explode. Explore some different techniques for soothing yourself.
Self-control or self-regulation is the ability to make choices based on long-term goals. This is a skill that most people learn while growing up. Child abuse and other forms of trauma can interfere with that process.
There are strategies for developing self-regulation skills. Many of the same techniques from good parenting also work in teaching self-control to adults. Even something as simple as setting a good example can help, especially for people who have low control due to a deprived background rather than deliberate recklessness. Focus on identifying and releasing negative emotions in constructive ways instead of destructive ways. This leaves more room for positive emotions to emerge.
Self-soothing and self-control work together. When you feel calm, it's easier to make good choices even if they require some willpower. When you can avoid making rash actions, you give yourself time to settle down. This buffers the stress of daily life, making it more comfortable to work through both intrapersonal and interpersonal challenges.
What are some of your favorite calming methods? What helps you keep a grip on your self-control?
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger," "Touch Aversion," and "Primates Need Touch." Skip ahead to "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," "Healthy Vulnerability," "Coping with Emotional Drop."Self-Soothing and Self-Control
Self-soothing is a toolkit for taking care of yourself when you feel stressed. It is emotional first aid. It includes actions to engage the senses and occupy the mind with something more positive. These focus on personal touchstones for comfort, as different people find different things to be relaxing. You need to find things that work for you, not necessarily what someone else says you "should" find calming.
People who have post-traumatic stress disorder often turn to self-soothing to relieve negative feelings and boost positive ones. This is true for many other mental conditions as well. Healthy people also use self-soothing gestures when they feel stressed, just not as often. There are guides to body language that list common meanings for certain motions. Bear in mind that some people have idiosyncratic meanings.
There are some cultural constraints against self-soothing. People are discouraged from loving or caring for themselves, from expressing their emotions, in many ways. But it's often better than bottling up emotions until they explode. Explore some different techniques for soothing yourself.
Self-control or self-regulation is the ability to make choices based on long-term goals. This is a skill that most people learn while growing up. Child abuse and other forms of trauma can interfere with that process.
There are strategies for developing self-regulation skills. Many of the same techniques from good parenting also work in teaching self-control to adults. Even something as simple as setting a good example can help, especially for people who have low control due to a deprived background rather than deliberate recklessness. Focus on identifying and releasing negative emotions in constructive ways instead of destructive ways. This leaves more room for positive emotions to emerge.
Self-soothing and self-control work together. When you feel calm, it's easier to make good choices even if they require some willpower. When you can avoid making rash actions, you give yourself time to settle down. This buffers the stress of daily life, making it more comfortable to work through both intrapersonal and interpersonal challenges.
What are some of your favorite calming methods? What helps you keep a grip on your self-control?
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-29 06:40 am (UTC)I also like warm drinks, baths, and "burrito"s (wrapping your body up tight in a blanket). Sometimes, just staring at the sky helps too.
Thoughts
Date: 2013-04-29 07:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-29 11:53 am (UTC)(I'm also one of those people who can't fall asleep without a comforter or at the very least a blanket no matter how hot it is.)
Yes...
Date: 2013-04-29 05:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-29 02:42 pm (UTC)Getting out and working in the garden is the best way I know to soothe myself, but the situation often does not allow.
Yes...
Date: 2013-04-29 04:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-29 03:28 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2013-04-29 04:40 pm (UTC)That makes sense.
>>The last bit there is something I've been trying to work on so I am not always comfort eating<<
Sometimes slow things like taffy or jerky are helpful. Another option is to pick a comfort food that can be made in a crockpot so the smell is there all day, but you're eating once instead of repeatedly.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-29 05:51 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2013-04-30 12:14 am (UTC)Re: Yes...
Date: 2013-04-30 12:45 am (UTC)Re: Yes...
Date: 2013-04-30 12:51 am (UTC)Re: Yes...
Date: 2013-04-30 12:58 am (UTC)Re: Yes...
Date: 2013-04-30 01:11 am (UTC)* If I have the CD, it's a thing I can look at and remember to use.
* Files on my computer, I usually forget that I even have.
* CDs that are homemade don't have the title/cover that's what usually attracts my attention. I can't skim them as readily, and it's too much of a nuisance to fuss with the kind of cases that allow labeling.
The available product has fallen from clearly above my use threshold to wobbling just over-and-under the threshold.
I doubt the music companies have noticed this as a cause for dropping sales; they tend to ignore customer input.
Indie bands? Have NOTICED. They're doing things like including MP3 files on a CD "so you can enjoy our music that you bought from us, anywhere and any way you want!" Which is nearly a quote from one of my musician-friends. <3
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-29 07:32 pm (UTC)I hate fessing up to it this publicly, but smoking cigarettes. I think what helps is that it forces me to (again) complete a simple action with a clear goal, even out my breathing, and the requirement of physically leaving wherever I am feeling emotionally stuck (I will not smoke inside ever even where it's permitted, because inhaling hot aromatized tobacco is a lot different from the smell of stale cigarette smoke).
Masturbation is honestly a big one - again, focuses breathing and is an endorphin spike before intense tiredness, so that's good for actually getting to sleep. Unfortunately while I think it's a good and valid activity I also think there are some down sides to just how I think about and do that.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-29 11:26 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2013-04-29 11:42 pm (UTC)Agreed. I have a generous selection of regular and herbal teas. Some of them are particular comfort-favorites, like Constant Comment on a cold winter's day.
>>I hate fessing up to it this publicly, but smoking cigarettes. <<
*shrug* Whatever works for you. I have no problem with smokers as long as they don't smoke where I have to breathe it. I also resent the attacks on smoker freedom because the most effective way to undermine everyone's freedom is to attack an unpopular group.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-29 11:33 pm (UTC)My favorite calming drug of choice is ethanol, usually in the form of gin.
Music -- especially making music -- works well if I'm in the mood for it. Actually it almost always works well if I can motivate myself to pick up the guitar and play. That's the hard part.
What it often comes down to is that, if I don't feel like moving, I just go into a corner and read. Or just read, since I'm almost totally oblivious when I'm reading.
It occurs to me, not for the first time, that basically all of these involve going into a light trance state. So, yeah.
Yes...
Date: 2013-04-29 11:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-04-30 03:22 am (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2013-04-30 06:45 am (UTC)