Coping with Emotional Drop
May. 4th, 2013 12:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithAs part of the ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger," "Touch Aversion," "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," and "Healthy Vulnerability."
Coping with Emotional Drop
After I wrote the installment on healthy vulnerability, I realized that there seems to be no unflavored description of the "emotional drop" phenomenon and appropriate aftercare. Everything detailed comes from the "sub drop" version in the kink community, and not everyone feels comfortable with kink. On the speculative fiction side, there is "con drop" but little discussion of it. So I'll just fill in this gap as best I can, though many of the resource links still point to kink articles. Hopefully other folks will start writing about other drop examples.
Emotional drop is a natural effect that sometimes follows an emotional high. This can occur after any strong connection, such as a kink scene, cuddle party, convention of like-minded people, etc. It is more likely the more intense the feelings and intimacy get. It is also more likely if someone's everyday life contains a great deal less of intimacy and positive feelings. Drop may happen immediately after an event, most often a few hours, occasionally a few days. If you experience this often, you may want to make yourself a "drop kit" to cope with it.
The drop can have both physical and emotional aspects. If you're experiencing it, understand that it's not "all in your head" -- it's very real and it can knock you off your feet. The physical effects come from exerting your body, if you did something like rough play or running around a hotel all weekend with maybe not enough food or sleep. They also come from the changing biochemistry that generates feelings and moods. You may feel stiff, wobbly, light-headed, tired, hungry and thirsty, etc. The emotional effects come from tension and release: the anticipation before the event, the peak during the event, and then the return to ordinary life afterwards. You may feel overwhelmed, confused, giddy, restless, mopey, lethargic, isolated, all-peopled-out, etc.
Aftercare may involve someone else taking care of you, or taking care of yourself if nobody else is available. First address any pressing physical needs. Then deal with emotional needs; you may need to talk things out or snuggle or have a little space to yourself. There is a set of mudras, hand gestures for focusing energy, that restores balance. Try to arrange a gentle transition from an intense event back to ordinary life. Goal-Fish can help you choose tasks based on how much time and energy you have, and whether you want fun or chores. This is a good way to ease back into everyday activity. Remember that everyone deserves to be safe and comfortable, and that taking care of needs is important for healthy function.
To lower the chance of drop and its severity:
* Plan ahead. Think about what might happen and how to deal with it. A drop kit may be useful.
* Meditate on resilience. The shivalinga mudra also enhances this quality.
* Meet your basic needs as best you can on a regular basis. Going too long with little or nothing and then getting a large amount tends to be jarring.
* Remember to eat and drink. Low blood sugar and dehydration make everything else worse.
* Get an adequate amount of sleep, preferably on decent bedding in a dim quiet room. Lack of sleep also makes everything else worse.
* Minimize abrupt changes by starting slow and including a cool-down period. Use the acceptance mudra to modulate the process. Don't jump right into the middle of things and then jump off a cliff at the end. You will go splat and could hurt yourself that way.
If you experience drop as exhaustion, stiffness, or lethargy:
* Allow time for extra rest after an intense activity. Sleep, nap, or lie still.
* Surround yourself with comforting things such as a thick sweater, fuzzy blankets, soft pillows, etc.
* Choose soothing, nurturing support such as a hot bath and nutritious comfort food.
* Relaxing entertainment such as quiet music or a feel-good movie may help.
* Try the prana mudra to increase energy as you begin to recover.
* Get back into normal activity slowly and gently if possible. Work as you must, but don't let friends drag you into a party or other boisterous activity you could avoid, until you are ready for it again.
If you experience drop as anxiety, giddiness, or restlessness:
* Use slow, gentle motion to calm yourself. Yoga and t'ai chi are good examples of controlled movement. Don't try to hold still if that feels wrong to you now.
* Meditate on tranquility. Acknowledge and set aside your nervous thoughts. Grounding exercises may also help. The mantangi mudra invokes calm.
* Surround yourself with steadying things such as a snug sweater, smooth sheets, a firm chair, etc.
* Choose soothing, nurturing support such as a hot bath and savory comfort food.
* Relaxing entertainment such as slow music or a feel-good movie may help.
* Select one practical, short-term task and do it. Small housework chores such as doing a sink of dishes or a load of laundry are good for this. Use it as a moving meditation to focus your mind on something simple and useful.
If you experience drop as loneliness, disconnection, or feeling lost:
* Reach out and contact people. Do not allow isolation to take hold. Spend time with a friend or family member. Call someone you met at the event. Post about your feelings on your blog and ask for emotional support and discussion.
* Physical contact such as cuddling or massage is best, but long-distance support is better than nothing.
* Use the anjali mudra for oneness.
* Surround yourself with comforting things such as a thick sweater, fuzzy blankets, soft pillows, etc.
* Invigorating entertainment such as upbeat music or a buddy movie may help.
* Give yourself a little time to recover physically, then go where there are people, such as a coffeehouse or park. Talk to them if feasible, but at least watch the social interactions.
To provide aftercare for someone experiencing emotional drop:
* Check the lists above for ideas on handling specific manifestations of drop.
* Remain calm. Freaking out never helps and can make matters worse.
* Be there. Most people feel better with company, although not all of them will admit it. Some prefer quiet support to active pampering. Back away if asked, but check to make sure that's what the person really needs -- introverts don't like to be crowded.
* Use the varada mudra for compassion and giving. Use the gyan mudra for relieving stress and focusing the mind.
* Make sure the person is warm, dry, fed, hydrated, and resting in a safe position. Meet any other physical needs that arise.
* Provide effective emotional support. Offer reassurances and comfort. Meet any more emotional needs that come up.
* Be a good listener. This makes most people feel better and gives you clues about what else might help.
* After you part company, follow up a day or two later to see how the person is doing, in case they need more attention.
What are your experiences with emotional drop, your own or someone else's? What do you find helpful in dealing with it? Do you know of any other drop-related resources based on something other than "sub drop" in kinky context?
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger," "Touch Aversion," "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," and "Healthy Vulnerability."Coping with Emotional Drop
After I wrote the installment on healthy vulnerability, I realized that there seems to be no unflavored description of the "emotional drop" phenomenon and appropriate aftercare. Everything detailed comes from the "sub drop" version in the kink community, and not everyone feels comfortable with kink. On the speculative fiction side, there is "con drop" but little discussion of it. So I'll just fill in this gap as best I can, though many of the resource links still point to kink articles. Hopefully other folks will start writing about other drop examples.
Emotional drop is a natural effect that sometimes follows an emotional high. This can occur after any strong connection, such as a kink scene, cuddle party, convention of like-minded people, etc. It is more likely the more intense the feelings and intimacy get. It is also more likely if someone's everyday life contains a great deal less of intimacy and positive feelings. Drop may happen immediately after an event, most often a few hours, occasionally a few days. If you experience this often, you may want to make yourself a "drop kit" to cope with it.
The drop can have both physical and emotional aspects. If you're experiencing it, understand that it's not "all in your head" -- it's very real and it can knock you off your feet. The physical effects come from exerting your body, if you did something like rough play or running around a hotel all weekend with maybe not enough food or sleep. They also come from the changing biochemistry that generates feelings and moods. You may feel stiff, wobbly, light-headed, tired, hungry and thirsty, etc. The emotional effects come from tension and release: the anticipation before the event, the peak during the event, and then the return to ordinary life afterwards. You may feel overwhelmed, confused, giddy, restless, mopey, lethargic, isolated, all-peopled-out, etc.
Aftercare may involve someone else taking care of you, or taking care of yourself if nobody else is available. First address any pressing physical needs. Then deal with emotional needs; you may need to talk things out or snuggle or have a little space to yourself. There is a set of mudras, hand gestures for focusing energy, that restores balance. Try to arrange a gentle transition from an intense event back to ordinary life. Goal-Fish can help you choose tasks based on how much time and energy you have, and whether you want fun or chores. This is a good way to ease back into everyday activity. Remember that everyone deserves to be safe and comfortable, and that taking care of needs is important for healthy function.
To lower the chance of drop and its severity:
* Plan ahead. Think about what might happen and how to deal with it. A drop kit may be useful.
* Meditate on resilience. The shivalinga mudra also enhances this quality.
* Meet your basic needs as best you can on a regular basis. Going too long with little or nothing and then getting a large amount tends to be jarring.
* Remember to eat and drink. Low blood sugar and dehydration make everything else worse.
* Get an adequate amount of sleep, preferably on decent bedding in a dim quiet room. Lack of sleep also makes everything else worse.
* Minimize abrupt changes by starting slow and including a cool-down period. Use the acceptance mudra to modulate the process. Don't jump right into the middle of things and then jump off a cliff at the end. You will go splat and could hurt yourself that way.
If you experience drop as exhaustion, stiffness, or lethargy:
* Allow time for extra rest after an intense activity. Sleep, nap, or lie still.
* Surround yourself with comforting things such as a thick sweater, fuzzy blankets, soft pillows, etc.
* Choose soothing, nurturing support such as a hot bath and nutritious comfort food.
* Relaxing entertainment such as quiet music or a feel-good movie may help.
* Try the prana mudra to increase energy as you begin to recover.
* Get back into normal activity slowly and gently if possible. Work as you must, but don't let friends drag you into a party or other boisterous activity you could avoid, until you are ready for it again.
If you experience drop as anxiety, giddiness, or restlessness:
* Use slow, gentle motion to calm yourself. Yoga and t'ai chi are good examples of controlled movement. Don't try to hold still if that feels wrong to you now.
* Meditate on tranquility. Acknowledge and set aside your nervous thoughts. Grounding exercises may also help. The mantangi mudra invokes calm.
* Surround yourself with steadying things such as a snug sweater, smooth sheets, a firm chair, etc.
* Choose soothing, nurturing support such as a hot bath and savory comfort food.
* Relaxing entertainment such as slow music or a feel-good movie may help.
* Select one practical, short-term task and do it. Small housework chores such as doing a sink of dishes or a load of laundry are good for this. Use it as a moving meditation to focus your mind on something simple and useful.
If you experience drop as loneliness, disconnection, or feeling lost:
* Reach out and contact people. Do not allow isolation to take hold. Spend time with a friend or family member. Call someone you met at the event. Post about your feelings on your blog and ask for emotional support and discussion.
* Physical contact such as cuddling or massage is best, but long-distance support is better than nothing.
* Use the anjali mudra for oneness.
* Surround yourself with comforting things such as a thick sweater, fuzzy blankets, soft pillows, etc.
* Invigorating entertainment such as upbeat music or a buddy movie may help.
* Give yourself a little time to recover physically, then go where there are people, such as a coffeehouse or park. Talk to them if feasible, but at least watch the social interactions.
To provide aftercare for someone experiencing emotional drop:
* Check the lists above for ideas on handling specific manifestations of drop.
* Remain calm. Freaking out never helps and can make matters worse.
* Be there. Most people feel better with company, although not all of them will admit it. Some prefer quiet support to active pampering. Back away if asked, but check to make sure that's what the person really needs -- introverts don't like to be crowded.
* Use the varada mudra for compassion and giving. Use the gyan mudra for relieving stress and focusing the mind.
* Make sure the person is warm, dry, fed, hydrated, and resting in a safe position. Meet any other physical needs that arise.
* Provide effective emotional support. Offer reassurances and comfort. Meet any more emotional needs that come up.
* Be a good listener. This makes most people feel better and gives you clues about what else might help.
* After you part company, follow up a day or two later to see how the person is doing, in case they need more attention.
What are your experiences with emotional drop, your own or someone else's? What do you find helpful in dealing with it? Do you know of any other drop-related resources based on something other than "sub drop" in kinky context?
(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-04 06:15 am (UTC)I also feel there is a thing like "creative drop", when you spend a long time emotionally wrapped up in a project, and then it's finished and you feel empty and you don't know what to do with your self, you feel useless because you're not working on a big thing but you're too tired from the old project to start anything new, etc.
I don't know about creative drop so much, but, for me, I think the letters could help for a therian drop, if I am doing it with a friend, I could say "let's write something at this moment to remember these experiences". Or, if I can take something home from the event, for example if I go to a swan sanctuary, and I could bring back some literature or a plushie, or if I take photos and then I get to work on editing them for some days.
Thoughts
Date: 2013-05-04 06:29 am (UTC)That makes sense.
>> For me it is definitely a disconnected feeling. It is lonely, but not like "lonely for company", more like "I feel alien in the world". <<
That's a version of it that can appear with any identity-related event. Happens with Pagans, SF fans, and queer folks that I've seen, just off the top of my head. Thing to do is get off the middle of the road in either direction: try to connect more with your otherself or with ordinary humanity. Different ways work for different folks.
>>I also feel there is a thing like "creative drop", when you spend a long time emotionally wrapped up in a project, and then it's finished and you feel empty and you don't know what to do with your self, you feel useless because you're not working on a big thing but you're too tired from the old project to start anything new, etc.<<
Yes, I almost always get that, but it's less of an emotional drop than an energy cycle. Bigger project, longer gap after it. So after a major project, I know to plan for a day or two of rest and then a road trip or something else unrelated. Usually within a week I'm back to my typical work.
>>I don't know about creative drop so much, but, for me, I think the letters could help for a therian drop, if I am doing it with a friend, I could say "let's write something at this moment to remember these experiences".<<
That's a good idea. For that matter, exploring therian drop would be helpful to write about -- probably a lot of people experience it but have no idea what to do. Some of the aftercare will be a little different than usual.
>> Or, if I can take something home from the event, for example if I go to a swan sanctuary, and I could bring back some literature or a plushie, or if I take photos and then I get to work on editing them for some days.<<
Those are also good ideas.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2013-05-04 06:30 am (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2013-05-04 06:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-04 06:30 am (UTC)You're welcome!
Date: 2013-05-04 06:33 am (UTC)Re: You're welcome!
Date: 2013-05-04 07:19 am (UTC)Re: You're welcome!
Date: 2013-05-04 07:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-04 07:02 am (UTC)What made it a lot worse was that I was Greyhounding home, a 22 hour ride with three transfers. I was already having trouble taking care of myself, and when I missed a transfer (we were coming in late, they held the next bus, but I was confused and didn't understand what was going on and didn't stand in line where I was supposed to) I just completely lost my shit. I sat on the floor of the terminal and started shaking and sobbing.
But actually, that's what helped fix it too, sort of. Because there were two women waiting for their bus, and they noticed me and came over. One rubbed my back until I stopped crying and gave me five bucks for the vending machine. So I think for me the drop was about going from "everyone here is like me, everyone here is great, I love everyone and the world loves me" to ALONE FOREVER, and when I got solid proof that the world actually DID have good people I felt better.
Lately my technique's been the same. The last con I went to, I made plans to stay with a friend in that area for a week after, to give me time to decompress from ALL THE PEOPLE YAY to 'mostly alone, but okay'. And the last fantastic moshy concert I went to (another experience that gives me drop) I went with a friend and we hung out after to still have each other.
Thoughts
Date: 2013-05-05 04:26 am (UTC)Wow, that would do it.
>> The last con I went to, I made plans to stay with a friend in that area for a week after, to give me time to decompress from ALL THE PEOPLE YAY to 'mostly alone, but okay'. <<
Excellent plan. The slower rampdown makes it easier to cope.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-04 12:31 pm (UTC)So that's why parties and things leave me depressed afterwards, especially if it was something I really looked forward to and enjoyed? Huh. This post was really helpful. Thank you.
Yes...
Date: 2013-05-04 07:24 pm (UTC)Also, I love your icon.
If I'm understanding this topic correctly...
Date: 2013-05-04 12:33 pm (UTC)Re: If I'm understanding this topic correctly...
Date: 2013-05-04 07:20 pm (UTC)That's not a great situation.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-04 03:36 pm (UTC)On the same subject, do you have any advice for someone likely to be dealing with a drop while obliged to interact with the world as normal? I'm specifically thinking of being mid-drop and having to go back to work. Most recently, I was dropping like /heck/ due to circumstances you're already aware of, and had to be in an office full of coworkers and interacting with customers down a phone line all day. I couldn't call out, because I was fine physically and couldn't justify it to myself, but I spent most of the day sporadically fighting back tears. I also didn't feel safe escaping to the bathroom and losing it to get it over with; the environment was all wrong. I'm quite sure this made my eventual reaction worse; I came home, dealt with the most pressing of my chores, and then *lost it* for a bit. Cried like I haven't in a long time. What in the world do you do in that situation? I can't well tell coworkers 'go easy on me, I'm dropping.' Nobody there knows me that well, and I don't intend to change that, with the possible exception of one person. Ditto customers and how.
Try this...
Date: 2013-05-04 07:33 pm (UTC)Focus on self-soothing and practical comforts. Make sure you get enough food and water, comfort food if you can manage it. If you get breaks, try to use them for buffering your mood back toward moderate. If you can play music, soothing songs may help. There are stress toys you can hold in your hands; find one with a comforting feel.
Mudras are another hand trick; I meant to include those but forgot. I'll go back and add them.
>> I can't well tell coworkers 'go easy on me, I'm dropping.' <<
If your coworkers are decent people, you could say, "I'm having a rough day" or "Yesterday was challenging" without divulging any details, and then ask for anything specific that would help, i.e. "... so if you could make the coffee today that would be great," or "... it would be helpful to discuss this non-urgent matter tomorrow instead." If they're not suitable for comfort, and they're not pestering you, just let them stay in the background.
Several subtle things to help (I hope)
Date: 2014-04-28 03:47 pm (UTC)Okay, first, start looking at what works for you. Textures you like, scents you like, etc. I've found keeping a short list on an index card really helps when I'm sorting out the few of many, many options I have.
My friend likes very smooth textures, so she put a square (about 10cm/4" across) of nylon "satin"--you know the blanket edging?-- folded in as the primary item. Stroking the fabric and thinking of the things that worked, were enjoyable, or energizing can be done very, very subtly. With a longer, harder to control emotional upheval, it's easy to slip the fabric into a pants pocket and just touch it occasionally. Do make sure it's a washable fabric, for this reason. Me, I like the feel of wool, raw silk, things with a lot of texture to them but natural, so I've chosen appropriately, but bought enough material to make several replacements.
There's a small, smoothly textured pebble for a physical weight to manipulate-- hers is limestone, or granite, straight out of a gravel driveway. She shifts it from hand to hand while pouring in the negative self-talk, the worry, the junk. And then, when she is alone, drops it, imagining all that negativity falling off to be absorbed into the earth. Mine is the opposite, a sliver of cloudy, striated stone, not quite a geode, cut flat and polished. It's a quarter inch thick or so, and only rough on the natural outside edge of the original stone. Think "worry stone", which is how I use it- I stroke the smooth surface, imagining the negative (dark) energy transforming into the lighter colors and then to white before disappearing into the higher end of the energy spectrum not visible to me.
We both keep a couple of scratch-and-sniff stickers in the pack, of a single scent we each enjoy. The fabric does pick up the scent, the stone less so. In dire straits, stick on something you're touching often anyways, like the wrist rest of a mouse pad.
The hardest part is getting the items together, but please try it.
Re: Several subtle things to help (I hope)
Date: 2014-04-29 04:20 am (UTC)Yes, that is an excellent idea. Larger kits for home use are also helpful.
>> She shifts it from hand to hand while pouring in the negative self-talk, the worry, the junk. And then, when she is alone, drops it, imagining all that negativity falling off to be absorbed into the earth. <<
Good use of earth magic.
>> We both keep a couple of scratch-and-sniff stickers in the pack, of a single scent we each enjoy. <<
Scent is usually Air, but can be Water. It has a strong link to emotional memory.
Re: Several subtle things to help (I hope)
Date: 2019-07-19 03:13 pm (UTC)I'm at the point in my present-life where I don't *need* tools most of the time; the last time (quite recently) where I geared up for maximum whoop-ass (which turned out to be unnecessary) my kit consisted of athame, salt, fresh bread, and rose lemonade, and that was *that*... yeah, it wasn't wee-box sized but there was a LOT of room in that backpack that had nothing to go in it.
AND this is an excellent idea; a comfort-kit. Hmmm. A bit of cloth or knittage, a worry-stone, a small stuffed critter, a collapsible bottle, an assortment of meal-bars of varying types... one no soy, one no wheat, one no milk, a couple of different fruit...
The stuffy idea was Ysabet's, after the T-American cops who keep bears on hand to comfort kids who, or whose people have, suffered trauma of some sort...
Re: Several subtle things to help (I hope)
Date: 2019-07-19 03:37 pm (UTC)Re: Several subtle things to help (I hope)
Date: 2019-07-19 08:38 pm (UTC)Re: Several subtle things to help (I hope)
Date: 2019-07-20 10:25 am (UTC)1) waving some energy around, or
2) saying, "Hey, would you do the thing?" to a relevant entity.
I rarely use materials unless I'm doing something complicated. For the house warding, we used water, salt, bowls, sage, fire, etc.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-04 04:40 pm (UTC)I've noticed that it's very easy to dump a batch of time and energy into something, and kinda crash out afterwards for hours (this is especially bad if I post what's basically an amateur/student improving to art archives - and there's a metric for its popularity compared to stuff by far more experienced, professional, or simply popular artists). I'm curious whether anyone else out there has had a similar thing with visual arts, writing or music.
Yes...
Date: 2013-05-04 07:22 pm (UTC)After a big writing project, I have a lull, so I know to take a break then.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2013-05-05 08:11 pm (UTC)Re: Yes...
Date: 2013-05-05 08:45 pm (UTC)Re: Yes...
Date: 2013-05-06 05:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-05 01:06 am (UTC)I've pretty much had to figure out my own ways to handle things, but some of them are one the lists you've made.
I never really called it drop before, but it's a good term for the whole phenomenon because as you said, it covers situations outside of kink.
Thoughts
Date: 2013-05-05 03:51 am (UTC)Yes, some people have a mix of reactions.
>>I never really called it drop before, but it's a good term for the whole phenomenon because as you said, it covers situations outside of kink.<<
There are other terms such as letdown, crash, emo hangover, etc.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-05 03:09 am (UTC)*laugh*
Date: 2013-05-05 03:49 am (UTC)Re: *laugh*
Date: 2013-05-05 03:28 pm (UTC)(Looks naïvely puzzled.) What, "Thank you, milady"? :-)
Re: *laugh*
Date: 2013-05-06 01:47 am (UTC)Re: *laugh*
Date: 2013-05-06 05:00 pm (UTC)Of course! So I put it in an Italian context with "grazie".
(no subject)
Date: 2013-09-06 10:49 pm (UTC)ETA: It was the hypocrisy of the various xtian groups/churches/etc. that robbed me of my "faith" when I was at university. I am now a scientist and atheist.
Thoughts
Date: 2013-09-06 10:58 pm (UTC)Crashing is another synonym. The biochemical dynamics are actually quite similar, because some activities release endorphins. Narcotic drugs mimic endorphins in certain ways. So there's an overlap in the effects.
>> The first time I experienced what I now know was "con-like drop" was after a week away at a religious/xtian camp as a pre-teen and coming back home, trying to describe it to mum and being very happy/enthusiastic about it all and she just told me to shut up and simmer down and I was devastated. <<
Oh, how awful!
>> I cried for hours. We had been brought up xtian (Church of England so pretty staid and quiet) and the camp was organised by Crusaders (a pretty Evangelical organisation). I was "born again" that week and mum just did not want to know. She knew what Christian was and this was not that. *sigh* <<
It sucks when you finally find something that feels right, and somebody takes it away from you.
>> ETA: It was the hypocrisy of the various xtian groups/churches/etc. that robbed me of my "faith" when I was at university. I am now a scientist and atheist. <<
That's too bad. Not all Christians are hypocritical but it is a trend with many groups. Those who are actually following Christ are much more tenable ... and less popular.
First exposure to the concept
Date: 2014-04-28 04:02 pm (UTC)We borrowed the concept of "transition time" when dealing with a toddler- "We're going to the store in five minutes. Do you see your jacket?" Later, "I'm getting ready to go to the store. Do you HAVE your jacket and shoes on?" et cetera. It's a very specific skill set when used for kids that age, called "toddler wrangling" around here, LOL. But take out the dynamic of "parent leading child" and it's a perfectly valid way to give YOURSELF a breather between kinds of work, work and relaxing, relaxing and sleep, often very subtly. I'm absent-minded enough that nobody blinks when they see me pull out a list for something. GRIN.
More broadly, it's time without anyone ELSE directing what one does. It's pretty much a house rule that hubby gets an automatic half hour of 'transition' time when he gets home from work so he can shift gears and decompress a bit. Nobody hits him with "A stole my toy," or "the washer overflowed and I don't know what is wrong with it" or "your family called about --". Just, whole worlds of TOO MUCH for him to deal with after driving home. Me, I /need/ the transition time before doing something I find stressful, so I tend to expect him to take up the slack /before/, while he expects me to do so /after/ a stressor.
Re: First exposure to the concept
Date: 2014-04-29 04:04 am (UTC)There's a huge difference between a tantrum (manipulative tactic of a child trying to control adults) and a meltdown (catastrophic mental/physical overload with NOBODY in control). People often fail to recognize this.
>> We borrowed the concept of "transition time" when dealing with a toddler <<
Good plan. Me, I need time to wake up in the morning, and wind down before bed. My mind is a massive engine, and like a nuclear reactor cannot be engaged or disengaged quickly except for certain emergency maneuvers.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-09-08 05:57 pm (UTC)I've been looking for posts on being Touch Starved after seeing it mentioned, but most of the articles I found before were creepy or confusing, and this series has just cleared up a lot of issues for me so easily. I'm pretty sure it will be useful to me personally and also for worldbuilding and characterisation when I'm writing.
What are your preferences for linking to your work, or quoting you? I'd like to think about this some more, but I might want to post about this later.
Thanks you for sharing this information in such clear, plain english.
Welcome!
Date: 2014-09-08 07:25 pm (UTC)Yay! I'm happy to hear that.
>> I've been looking for posts on being Touch Starved after seeing it mentioned, but most of the articles I found before were creepy or confusing, and this series has just cleared up a lot of issues for me so easily. <<
I had the same problem -- it was hard to find things, they were wrong or too clinical or icky -- so I wrote what I needed. After 2-3 people have asked me the same thing, or I need a piece that hasn't been written several times, I usually just write it because it saves time that way.
>> I'm pretty sure it will be useful to me personally and also for worldbuilding and characterisation when I'm writing. <<
That's good to hear.
>> What are your preferences for linking to your work, or quoting you? I'd like to think about this some more, but I might want to post about this later. <<
You're free to link to anything as you wish.
You may excerpt portions of my work with a link to the original and attribution.
If you're talking about my work, I appreciate knowing that so I can go see what you said, but it's not required.
Donors get nonexclusive reprint rights to works they sponsor. If anyone else wants to repost something in full, I prefer to be asked first, unless it's one of the rare things that says "please link and repost this widely."
>> Thanks you for sharing this information in such clear, plain english. <<
You're welcome.
If you like fanfic, I highly recommend "Love Is For Children" which pays a lot of attention to skin hunger and touch aversion. If you like original work, Hart's Farm probably has the most, and some threads in Polychrome Heroics do too.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-10-19 06:02 pm (UTC)One thing I don't hear about, even in kink, is dom drop. I have had sub drop before but my partner has had Dom drop at times. It surprised us and took a bit for us to figure out what it is, but now we have a system pretty well worked out.
Thoughts
Date: 2017-10-19 07:22 pm (UTC)I first heard about it in kinky context, where it's more prevalent because people deliberately do things that pour out endorphins and adrenaline. But any context that creates a high has a chance of following that with a drop.
So the second place I heard it was "con drop." It started with F&SF but apparently the mundanes have picked it up too.
What I could not find was a general discussion of what this phenomenon is and how to deal with it. Each subculture only dealt with it in their own specific context, rather than looking at the larger picture. So I examined different variations, looked at the root causes below the divergent versions, and wrote the general guide. Because most of the contexts I wanted that reference for weren't any of the specifics.
>> Both my partner and I are introverts, so we both have dropped before. <<
Bummer.
>> He is disabled, and spoonie resources were helpful in that context. <<
I'm glad he found something that helped.
>> This post looks so useful and I can't wait to dig deeper into it. <<
Yay!
>>One thing I don't hear about, even in kink, is dom drop. I have had sub drop before but my partner has had Dom drop at times. It surprised us and took a bit for us to figure out what it is, but now we have a system pretty well worked out.<<
That came up after sub drop. It just seems to be less common. Some references:
https://annazabo.com/2015/06/17/behind-the-scenes-in-just-business-topdom-drop/
https://submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/videos/video-post-ask-lunakm-what-to-do-when-your-dominant-drops