Coping with Emotional Drop
May. 4th, 2013 12:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithAs part of the ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger," "Touch Aversion," "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," and "Healthy Vulnerability."
Coping with Emotional Drop
After I wrote the installment on healthy vulnerability, I realized that there seems to be no unflavored description of the "emotional drop" phenomenon and appropriate aftercare. Everything detailed comes from the "sub drop" version in the kink community, and not everyone feels comfortable with kink. On the speculative fiction side, there is "con drop" but little discussion of it. So I'll just fill in this gap as best I can, though many of the resource links still point to kink articles. Hopefully other folks will start writing about other drop examples.
Emotional drop is a natural effect that sometimes follows an emotional high. This can occur after any strong connection, such as a kink scene, cuddle party, convention of like-minded people, etc. It is more likely the more intense the feelings and intimacy get. It is also more likely if someone's everyday life contains a great deal less of intimacy and positive feelings. Drop may happen immediately after an event, most often a few hours, occasionally a few days. If you experience this often, you may want to make yourself a "drop kit" to cope with it.
The drop can have both physical and emotional aspects. If you're experiencing it, understand that it's not "all in your head" -- it's very real and it can knock you off your feet. The physical effects come from exerting your body, if you did something like rough play or running around a hotel all weekend with maybe not enough food or sleep. They also come from the changing biochemistry that generates feelings and moods. You may feel stiff, wobbly, light-headed, tired, hungry and thirsty, etc. The emotional effects come from tension and release: the anticipation before the event, the peak during the event, and then the return to ordinary life afterwards. You may feel overwhelmed, confused, giddy, restless, mopey, lethargic, isolated, all-peopled-out, etc.
Aftercare may involve someone else taking care of you, or taking care of yourself if nobody else is available. First address any pressing physical needs. Then deal with emotional needs; you may need to talk things out or snuggle or have a little space to yourself. There is a set of mudras, hand gestures for focusing energy, that restores balance. Try to arrange a gentle transition from an intense event back to ordinary life. Goal-Fish can help you choose tasks based on how much time and energy you have, and whether you want fun or chores. This is a good way to ease back into everyday activity. Remember that everyone deserves to be safe and comfortable, and that taking care of needs is important for healthy function.
To lower the chance of drop and its severity:
* Plan ahead. Think about what might happen and how to deal with it. A drop kit may be useful.
* Meditate on resilience. The shivalinga mudra also enhances this quality.
* Meet your basic needs as best you can on a regular basis. Going too long with little or nothing and then getting a large amount tends to be jarring.
* Remember to eat and drink. Low blood sugar and dehydration make everything else worse.
* Get an adequate amount of sleep, preferably on decent bedding in a dim quiet room. Lack of sleep also makes everything else worse.
* Minimize abrupt changes by starting slow and including a cool-down period. Use the acceptance mudra to modulate the process. Don't jump right into the middle of things and then jump off a cliff at the end. You will go splat and could hurt yourself that way.
If you experience drop as exhaustion, stiffness, or lethargy:
* Allow time for extra rest after an intense activity. Sleep, nap, or lie still.
* Surround yourself with comforting things such as a thick sweater, fuzzy blankets, soft pillows, etc.
* Choose soothing, nurturing support such as a hot bath and nutritious comfort food.
* Relaxing entertainment such as quiet music or a feel-good movie may help.
* Try the prana mudra to increase energy as you begin to recover.
* Get back into normal activity slowly and gently if possible. Work as you must, but don't let friends drag you into a party or other boisterous activity you could avoid, until you are ready for it again.
If you experience drop as anxiety, giddiness, or restlessness:
* Use slow, gentle motion to calm yourself. Yoga and t'ai chi are good examples of controlled movement. Don't try to hold still if that feels wrong to you now.
* Meditate on tranquility. Acknowledge and set aside your nervous thoughts. Grounding exercises may also help. The mantangi mudra invokes calm.
* Surround yourself with steadying things such as a snug sweater, smooth sheets, a firm chair, etc.
* Choose soothing, nurturing support such as a hot bath and savory comfort food.
* Relaxing entertainment such as slow music or a feel-good movie may help.
* Select one practical, short-term task and do it. Small housework chores such as doing a sink of dishes or a load of laundry are good for this. Use it as a moving meditation to focus your mind on something simple and useful.
If you experience drop as loneliness, disconnection, or feeling lost:
* Reach out and contact people. Do not allow isolation to take hold. Spend time with a friend or family member. Call someone you met at the event. Post about your feelings on your blog and ask for emotional support and discussion.
* Physical contact such as cuddling or massage is best, but long-distance support is better than nothing.
* Use the anjali mudra for oneness.
* Surround yourself with comforting things such as a thick sweater, fuzzy blankets, soft pillows, etc.
* Invigorating entertainment such as upbeat music or a buddy movie may help.
* Give yourself a little time to recover physically, then go where there are people, such as a coffeehouse or park. Talk to them if feasible, but at least watch the social interactions.
To provide aftercare for someone experiencing emotional drop:
* Check the lists above for ideas on handling specific manifestations of drop.
* Remain calm. Freaking out never helps and can make matters worse.
* Be there. Most people feel better with company, although not all of them will admit it. Some prefer quiet support to active pampering. Back away if asked, but check to make sure that's what the person really needs -- introverts don't like to be crowded.
* Use the varada mudra for compassion and giving. Use the gyan mudra for relieving stress and focusing the mind.
* Make sure the person is warm, dry, fed, hydrated, and resting in a safe position. Meet any other physical needs that arise.
* Provide effective emotional support. Offer reassurances and comfort. Meet any more emotional needs that come up.
* Be a good listener. This makes most people feel better and gives you clues about what else might help.
* After you part company, follow up a day or two later to see how the person is doing, in case they need more attention.
What are your experiences with emotional drop, your own or someone else's? What do you find helpful in dealing with it? Do you know of any other drop-related resources based on something other than "sub drop" in kinky context?
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger," "Touch Aversion," "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," and "Healthy Vulnerability."Coping with Emotional Drop
After I wrote the installment on healthy vulnerability, I realized that there seems to be no unflavored description of the "emotional drop" phenomenon and appropriate aftercare. Everything detailed comes from the "sub drop" version in the kink community, and not everyone feels comfortable with kink. On the speculative fiction side, there is "con drop" but little discussion of it. So I'll just fill in this gap as best I can, though many of the resource links still point to kink articles. Hopefully other folks will start writing about other drop examples.
Emotional drop is a natural effect that sometimes follows an emotional high. This can occur after any strong connection, such as a kink scene, cuddle party, convention of like-minded people, etc. It is more likely the more intense the feelings and intimacy get. It is also more likely if someone's everyday life contains a great deal less of intimacy and positive feelings. Drop may happen immediately after an event, most often a few hours, occasionally a few days. If you experience this often, you may want to make yourself a "drop kit" to cope with it.
The drop can have both physical and emotional aspects. If you're experiencing it, understand that it's not "all in your head" -- it's very real and it can knock you off your feet. The physical effects come from exerting your body, if you did something like rough play or running around a hotel all weekend with maybe not enough food or sleep. They also come from the changing biochemistry that generates feelings and moods. You may feel stiff, wobbly, light-headed, tired, hungry and thirsty, etc. The emotional effects come from tension and release: the anticipation before the event, the peak during the event, and then the return to ordinary life afterwards. You may feel overwhelmed, confused, giddy, restless, mopey, lethargic, isolated, all-peopled-out, etc.
Aftercare may involve someone else taking care of you, or taking care of yourself if nobody else is available. First address any pressing physical needs. Then deal with emotional needs; you may need to talk things out or snuggle or have a little space to yourself. There is a set of mudras, hand gestures for focusing energy, that restores balance. Try to arrange a gentle transition from an intense event back to ordinary life. Goal-Fish can help you choose tasks based on how much time and energy you have, and whether you want fun or chores. This is a good way to ease back into everyday activity. Remember that everyone deserves to be safe and comfortable, and that taking care of needs is important for healthy function.
To lower the chance of drop and its severity:
* Plan ahead. Think about what might happen and how to deal with it. A drop kit may be useful.
* Meditate on resilience. The shivalinga mudra also enhances this quality.
* Meet your basic needs as best you can on a regular basis. Going too long with little or nothing and then getting a large amount tends to be jarring.
* Remember to eat and drink. Low blood sugar and dehydration make everything else worse.
* Get an adequate amount of sleep, preferably on decent bedding in a dim quiet room. Lack of sleep also makes everything else worse.
* Minimize abrupt changes by starting slow and including a cool-down period. Use the acceptance mudra to modulate the process. Don't jump right into the middle of things and then jump off a cliff at the end. You will go splat and could hurt yourself that way.
If you experience drop as exhaustion, stiffness, or lethargy:
* Allow time for extra rest after an intense activity. Sleep, nap, or lie still.
* Surround yourself with comforting things such as a thick sweater, fuzzy blankets, soft pillows, etc.
* Choose soothing, nurturing support such as a hot bath and nutritious comfort food.
* Relaxing entertainment such as quiet music or a feel-good movie may help.
* Try the prana mudra to increase energy as you begin to recover.
* Get back into normal activity slowly and gently if possible. Work as you must, but don't let friends drag you into a party or other boisterous activity you could avoid, until you are ready for it again.
If you experience drop as anxiety, giddiness, or restlessness:
* Use slow, gentle motion to calm yourself. Yoga and t'ai chi are good examples of controlled movement. Don't try to hold still if that feels wrong to you now.
* Meditate on tranquility. Acknowledge and set aside your nervous thoughts. Grounding exercises may also help. The mantangi mudra invokes calm.
* Surround yourself with steadying things such as a snug sweater, smooth sheets, a firm chair, etc.
* Choose soothing, nurturing support such as a hot bath and savory comfort food.
* Relaxing entertainment such as slow music or a feel-good movie may help.
* Select one practical, short-term task and do it. Small housework chores such as doing a sink of dishes or a load of laundry are good for this. Use it as a moving meditation to focus your mind on something simple and useful.
If you experience drop as loneliness, disconnection, or feeling lost:
* Reach out and contact people. Do not allow isolation to take hold. Spend time with a friend or family member. Call someone you met at the event. Post about your feelings on your blog and ask for emotional support and discussion.
* Physical contact such as cuddling or massage is best, but long-distance support is better than nothing.
* Use the anjali mudra for oneness.
* Surround yourself with comforting things such as a thick sweater, fuzzy blankets, soft pillows, etc.
* Invigorating entertainment such as upbeat music or a buddy movie may help.
* Give yourself a little time to recover physically, then go where there are people, such as a coffeehouse or park. Talk to them if feasible, but at least watch the social interactions.
To provide aftercare for someone experiencing emotional drop:
* Check the lists above for ideas on handling specific manifestations of drop.
* Remain calm. Freaking out never helps and can make matters worse.
* Be there. Most people feel better with company, although not all of them will admit it. Some prefer quiet support to active pampering. Back away if asked, but check to make sure that's what the person really needs -- introverts don't like to be crowded.
* Use the varada mudra for compassion and giving. Use the gyan mudra for relieving stress and focusing the mind.
* Make sure the person is warm, dry, fed, hydrated, and resting in a safe position. Meet any other physical needs that arise.
* Provide effective emotional support. Offer reassurances and comfort. Meet any more emotional needs that come up.
* Be a good listener. This makes most people feel better and gives you clues about what else might help.
* After you part company, follow up a day or two later to see how the person is doing, in case they need more attention.
What are your experiences with emotional drop, your own or someone else's? What do you find helpful in dealing with it? Do you know of any other drop-related resources based on something other than "sub drop" in kinky context?
Re: If I'm understanding this topic correctly...
Date: 2013-05-04 07:20 pm (UTC)That's not a great situation.