Story: "Blended" Part 5
May. 26th, 2014 12:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," and "Green Eggs and Hulk."
Fandom: The Avengers, Hulk
Characters: Hulk, JARVIS
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Past abuse. Past fugitives. Dysfunctional family dynamics. Isolation. Internalized oppression. Low sense of self-worth. Self-destructive behavior. Shame. Depression. Bruce and Hulk are somewhere between self-abuse and domestic violence inside their headspace. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Hulk makes his first, violent appearance in Avengers Tower. JARVIS helps him calm down.
Notes: Accidents. Hurt/Comfort. Anger management issues. Sensory processing disorder. Artificial intelligence. Hulk is an enormous green fear monster. Sibling rivalry. Emotional whump. Communication issues. Loneliness. Touch starvation. Memory problems. Boundary issues. Trust issues. Daddy issues. Attachment disorder. Friendship. Hope. Hulk needs a hug. Safety and security. Protection. Teambuilding. Family of choice. Competence.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.
Here ends "Blended." Thank you all for sticking with the series this far! I love your input. Final thoughts on the story overall are welcome, in addition to reactions on this specific chapter. I also have a list of favorite photogenic scenes from the whole series for fanartists to consider, partly compiled from audience requests.
Next up is "kintsukuroi," a poem focusing on Natasha.
A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.
"Blended" Part 5
"I am very aware that Bruce dislikes being watched," Voice says. "However, it is harder for me to keep you safe if I do not know where you are and what you are doing. Today I locked the whole common floor so that nobody could come near while you were busy smashing. Will you let me watch over you, so I can do things like that?"
Hulk thinks. Thinking is hard. Bruce thing, but Bruce still hiding inside. Nobody ask what Hulk want before. Strange, but nice. Hulk looks around room. Quiet. Empty. No guns. Nobody to hurt them. Hulk feels ... almost safe.
Maybe Voice watching is not same as other watching. "Okay," Hulk says.
"Parameters accepted," Voice says. "I am very glad you trust me to keep watch. I hope that we can become friends."
Bruce stirs inside, restless. Hulk whimpers. Tummy feels tight. Feet want to move. No good, no good.
"Not tell Bruce?" Hulk says. "Worry. Bruce not like Hulk. Not like making friends. Maybe go."
"There is no need to go anywhere," Voice says. "You are safe here."
Voice does not know Bruce very well. Bruce can be stupid. Maybe Hulk can show. "Voice tell, Bruce go ..." Hulk says, brushing his palms together, smack-swish.
Sound like sigh, like soft breeze. Hulk can hear fans moving in ceiling. "You believe that if Bruce knows what happened today, that we talked, that we are making friends ... then he might run away from home," Voice says.
"Yes. Voice tell, Bruce run."
"I will not tell Bruce."
"Not tell anyone," Hulk says. Bruce can be smart too. Smile and nod. Voice likes Tony. Tony likes Bruce. Trouble. Bruce find out, ruin everything. Hulk not only one who can smash.
"... very well. I will lock this conversation to your user signature," Voice says.
Too many words again, too fancy. Hulk shifts in place. "Not tell anyone?"
"I will not tell anyone," Voice says. At least Voice explains things to Hulk.
"Okay," Hulk says. He feels tired. Head hurts. Too much thinking. Everything all blended together. Big mess inside. "Bruce now?"
"Whenever you feel ready," Voice says.
"Ready," Hulk says, kicking away some smash.
"Wait. Would you mind moving to the far end of the room first?" Voice says.
Hulk rumbles, wordless, confused.
"Hulk. Please come over here where I have the spotlight on," Voice says. Shadows around Hulk now. Other part of room brighter. "This end of the kitchen is less damaged. If you lie down here, it will be safer for Bruce."
Voice help Hulk protect Bruce? Hulk wonders, amazed. He scrambles to follow the light. Hulk is glad, so glad, but he does not have words to say why or how. Voice is right, too. This part of room has very little smash on floor.
Hulk looks around. Room is quiet and empty. Warm air comes from fan. Light fades. Shadows here too, soft like dusk. Sound from walls, not words, but birds and bugs making sunset noises. Time to rest.
Bruce will be safe here. Bruce will not believe, but Hulk knows better now. Voice will watch them and protect them. Not so lonely like this.
Hulk lies down on clean spot and goes back inside himself.
* * *
Notes:
Consent and boundaries are vital matters to JARVIS. It's important to know what consent is and isn't, along with the requirements for giving consent. Watch a video about consent. JARVIS treats Hulk as a person by acknowledging that Hulk has a right to give or withhold consent, can make meaningful decisions for himself, and understands at least the basics of what JARVIS is asking (even if the details wouldn't make much sense to Hulk). More specifically, JARVIS is treating Hulk the way he wants people to treat himself, because personhood is an issue for both of them. People teach children about boundaries to protect against sexual abuse, but it apples to nonsexual contexts also. Photographers learn how to bond with strangers and help them relax their boundaries, and JARVIS borrows some of that to help make surveillance feel supportive instead of creepy.
Disclosure is a concern for plural people like Bruce-and-Hulk; sometimes people react badly if told or get jealous about telling someone else. Much the same can happen with disabilities. Keeping secrets and revealing secrets can both cause harm. You have a choice in whether to keep or reveal secrets, and there are questions you can ask to help you decide which secrets to tell or to keep. Although JARVIS doesn't like the idea of concealing his interaction with Hulk, he respects Hulk's wishes and also believes that telling would do more harm than good. Hulk has the same right to privacy-lock conversations as any other tower resident, even against Bruce.
Running away from yourself rarely works, because you're stuck with your own company. However, it may help if you hate the circumstances of your life. There are steps to change your life and to stop running away from yourself. Bruce has strong dissociative and avoidant tendencies; in some iterations of canon he is a homeless wanderer.
Sibling jealousy can affect children and adults. Even this early, Bruce is starting to worry that Hulk making friends or getting anything of his own is a threat. Know how to control your own jealousy and handle an envious sibling.
Explaining things can help you to understand them better. Know how to simplify things, explain complex technology, and explain ideas to a child. It's okay if you goof or need to pause for thought -- this helps children learn.
Cognitive load expresses how much work the mind is doing. Mental effort burns slightly more calories than relaxation, but much more intellectual energy. For Hulk, thinking is like pushing on the short end of a lever, whereas Bruce is pushing on the long end; the opposite of physical strength. There are ways to help people manage mental effort.
Although it's harder without hands, JARVIS makes a valiant effort to help Hulk relax. There are many ways to comfort someone and help them get to sleep.
~ MISSION ACCOMPLISHED ~
Fandom: The Avengers, Hulk
Characters: Hulk, JARVIS
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Past abuse. Past fugitives. Dysfunctional family dynamics. Isolation. Internalized oppression. Low sense of self-worth. Self-destructive behavior. Shame. Depression. Bruce and Hulk are somewhere between self-abuse and domestic violence inside their headspace. Current environment is safe.
Summary: Hulk makes his first, violent appearance in Avengers Tower. JARVIS helps him calm down.
Notes: Accidents. Hurt/Comfort. Anger management issues. Sensory processing disorder. Artificial intelligence. Hulk is an enormous green fear monster. Sibling rivalry. Emotional whump. Communication issues. Loneliness. Touch starvation. Memory problems. Boundary issues. Trust issues. Daddy issues. Attachment disorder. Friendship. Hope. Hulk needs a hug. Safety and security. Protection. Teambuilding. Family of choice. Competence.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.
Here ends "Blended." Thank you all for sticking with the series this far! I love your input. Final thoughts on the story overall are welcome, in addition to reactions on this specific chapter. I also have a list of favorite photogenic scenes from the whole series for fanartists to consider, partly compiled from audience requests.
Next up is "kintsukuroi," a poem focusing on Natasha.
A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.
"Blended" Part 5
"I am very aware that Bruce dislikes being watched," Voice says. "However, it is harder for me to keep you safe if I do not know where you are and what you are doing. Today I locked the whole common floor so that nobody could come near while you were busy smashing. Will you let me watch over you, so I can do things like that?"
Hulk thinks. Thinking is hard. Bruce thing, but Bruce still hiding inside. Nobody ask what Hulk want before. Strange, but nice. Hulk looks around room. Quiet. Empty. No guns. Nobody to hurt them. Hulk feels ... almost safe.
Maybe Voice watching is not same as other watching. "Okay," Hulk says.
"Parameters accepted," Voice says. "I am very glad you trust me to keep watch. I hope that we can become friends."
Bruce stirs inside, restless. Hulk whimpers. Tummy feels tight. Feet want to move. No good, no good.
"Not tell Bruce?" Hulk says. "Worry. Bruce not like Hulk. Not like making friends. Maybe go."
"There is no need to go anywhere," Voice says. "You are safe here."
Voice does not know Bruce very well. Bruce can be stupid. Maybe Hulk can show. "Voice tell, Bruce go ..." Hulk says, brushing his palms together, smack-swish.
Sound like sigh, like soft breeze. Hulk can hear fans moving in ceiling. "You believe that if Bruce knows what happened today, that we talked, that we are making friends ... then he might run away from home," Voice says.
"Yes. Voice tell, Bruce run."
"I will not tell Bruce."
"Not tell anyone," Hulk says. Bruce can be smart too. Smile and nod. Voice likes Tony. Tony likes Bruce. Trouble. Bruce find out, ruin everything. Hulk not only one who can smash.
"... very well. I will lock this conversation to your user signature," Voice says.
Too many words again, too fancy. Hulk shifts in place. "Not tell anyone?"
"I will not tell anyone," Voice says. At least Voice explains things to Hulk.
"Okay," Hulk says. He feels tired. Head hurts. Too much thinking. Everything all blended together. Big mess inside. "Bruce now?"
"Whenever you feel ready," Voice says.
"Ready," Hulk says, kicking away some smash.
"Wait. Would you mind moving to the far end of the room first?" Voice says.
Hulk rumbles, wordless, confused.
"Hulk. Please come over here where I have the spotlight on," Voice says. Shadows around Hulk now. Other part of room brighter. "This end of the kitchen is less damaged. If you lie down here, it will be safer for Bruce."
Voice help Hulk protect Bruce? Hulk wonders, amazed. He scrambles to follow the light. Hulk is glad, so glad, but he does not have words to say why or how. Voice is right, too. This part of room has very little smash on floor.
Hulk looks around. Room is quiet and empty. Warm air comes from fan. Light fades. Shadows here too, soft like dusk. Sound from walls, not words, but birds and bugs making sunset noises. Time to rest.
Bruce will be safe here. Bruce will not believe, but Hulk knows better now. Voice will watch them and protect them. Not so lonely like this.
Hulk lies down on clean spot and goes back inside himself.
* * *
Notes:
Consent and boundaries are vital matters to JARVIS. It's important to know what consent is and isn't, along with the requirements for giving consent. Watch a video about consent. JARVIS treats Hulk as a person by acknowledging that Hulk has a right to give or withhold consent, can make meaningful decisions for himself, and understands at least the basics of what JARVIS is asking (even if the details wouldn't make much sense to Hulk). More specifically, JARVIS is treating Hulk the way he wants people to treat himself, because personhood is an issue for both of them. People teach children about boundaries to protect against sexual abuse, but it apples to nonsexual contexts also. Photographers learn how to bond with strangers and help them relax their boundaries, and JARVIS borrows some of that to help make surveillance feel supportive instead of creepy.
Disclosure is a concern for plural people like Bruce-and-Hulk; sometimes people react badly if told or get jealous about telling someone else. Much the same can happen with disabilities. Keeping secrets and revealing secrets can both cause harm. You have a choice in whether to keep or reveal secrets, and there are questions you can ask to help you decide which secrets to tell or to keep. Although JARVIS doesn't like the idea of concealing his interaction with Hulk, he respects Hulk's wishes and also believes that telling would do more harm than good. Hulk has the same right to privacy-lock conversations as any other tower resident, even against Bruce.
Running away from yourself rarely works, because you're stuck with your own company. However, it may help if you hate the circumstances of your life. There are steps to change your life and to stop running away from yourself. Bruce has strong dissociative and avoidant tendencies; in some iterations of canon he is a homeless wanderer.
Sibling jealousy can affect children and adults. Even this early, Bruce is starting to worry that Hulk making friends or getting anything of his own is a threat. Know how to control your own jealousy and handle an envious sibling.
Explaining things can help you to understand them better. Know how to simplify things, explain complex technology, and explain ideas to a child. It's okay if you goof or need to pause for thought -- this helps children learn.
Cognitive load expresses how much work the mind is doing. Mental effort burns slightly more calories than relaxation, but much more intellectual energy. For Hulk, thinking is like pushing on the short end of a lever, whereas Bruce is pushing on the long end; the opposite of physical strength. There are ways to help people manage mental effort.
Although it's harder without hands, JARVIS makes a valiant effort to help Hulk relax. There are many ways to comfort someone and help them get to sleep.
~ MISSION ACCOMPLISHED ~
Re: Lovely!
Date: 2014-05-27 04:22 am (UTC)Yes. Hulk has never really had anyone who cared about him, except for Betty and she's not here. That's why he is comparing JARVIS to her, not because they're much alike, but because the category is so small.
>> Hulk feeling exhausted after all that mental effort not only makes me want to hug him, it makes /sense/, and is something I honestly don't see much of in the movies. <<
Yes, exactly. Thinking is work, and it's harder for Hulk to do something outside his area of expertise.
>> Thanks for writing this one; I think it's going to be a long-term reread for me. Because, of course, everyone has days where a blender gets dropped on their foot. <<
Yay! I'm glad it resonates so strongly for you.