![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," and "Birthday Girl."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Nick Fury.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mind control. Inferences of past child abuse and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: A mission in Russia introduces the Avengers to the Winter Soldier. Steve wants Bucky back and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Everyone else helps however they can.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. BAMF!Avengers. Bucky!whump. Vulgar language. Drama. Rescue. Hurt/Comfort. Emotional whump. Survivor guilt. Friendship. Confusion. Mind control. Memory loss. Slow recovery. Nick Fury makes stupid-ass decisions. Fear of loss. Arc reactor. Fluff. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Tony Stark has a heart. Games. Trust issues. Safety and security. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Obadiah Stane's A+ parenting. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Sleep issues. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Personal growth. Family of choice. ALL THE FEELS. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20. Skip to Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26.
"No Winter Lasts Forever" Part 21
"I have experience serving as a prosthetic memory, Bucky," said JARVIS. "All you have to do is teach me what you need and I will help you keep track of everything."
Phil recalled how often Tony said "JARVIS, make a note..." and how easily he forgot things because he often worked at speed across multiple tasks simultaneously. JARVIS also had a deft skill at interpreting hints or intent, so that -- like the butler who had served as a model for his personality -- he could provide what people needed without requiring a direct order. Tony must have designed JARVIS to compensate for his own mind's tendency to flit from one topic to another and drop things in the process. JARVIS reminding Tony of something, or prompting Steve on modern things, had become background patter to the point that Phil scarcely paid attention to it. But it was there, a quiet thread of support running through their days.
"That will work," Phil said to Bucky. "Just keep JARVIS informed of what you're learning. He can store it and shorten the reload time when you wake up, just as Steve and Natasha are learning which memory anchors bring up your recognition the fastest. He can also replay parts of the security feed for you if you need to review a conversation or remind yourself what something looks like."
Bucky's expression had slowly turned from defeated to hopeful. His resilience won out over the stress. "Okay," he said. "That's ... good. Really good."
Phil put away the last of the dishes, then turned to Bucky and asked, "What would you like to do today?"
"I -- you're asking me?" Bucky said, bewildered. "I don't, I don't choose. People give me orders. I follow them. What am I even allowed to do?" He looked lost again.
"Well, we have some basic rules, such as don't hurt yourself or anyone else and try not break things if you can help it. Beyond that, you're allowed to do pretty much whatever you want," Phil said. "Maybe practice a favorite skill."
"Like what?" Bucky said.
Phil thought about what to suggest next, because this wasn't his first time working with someone who suffered from choice paralysis and needed guidance until their volition recovered. Then he remembered a previous snippet of conversation. It was a calculated risk, but given Bucky's recent past, Phil had very little else to choose from that might work. Between Department X training and the memory loss, Bucky's skill set was regrettably narrow at present.
"Earlier you mentioned an interest in our shooting range. You could go try your hand against Clint and Natasha," Phil said.
"You'd really let me have weapons?" Bucky said. "I could hurt someone, or worse ..."
"Do you feel like hurting us right now?" Phil asked. The Winter Soldier had, after all, tried to kill Captain America and Black Widow.
"No, of course not!" Bucky said. He looked horrified at the idea.
"Then it sounds like your personality and moral code are holding sway over your combat conditioning," Phil said. "That's a good sign. Just the fact that you worry about these things is another good sign."
"Why do you trust me so much?" Bucky asked in a forlorn tone. "You shouldn't. SHIELD doesn't. I can't even trust myself."
"SHIELD doesn't really trust anyone. Sometimes that's a problem," Steve said. "We'll help you rebuild your trust in yourself, Bucky." Steve gave Phil a soft smile. "We're getting good at that. We've done it for each other. Just give us a chance. We got you out of enemy hands and broke the primary controls over you. Whatever's left in the way of residual reflexes, we'll deal with it together. That means we need to find out where any trouble spots are."
"When we first assembled this team, we nearly lost someone to mind control," Phil said. "Natasha managed to restore Clint to himself, and he went right back into battle. We're good at gauging who's reliable or not."
"Even with weapons?" Bucky said. "What if ... just holding one brings back something that was done to me, and I try to hurt someone?"
"If weapons are going to cause that kind of problem, better to find out now under controlled circumstances rather than get blindsided by it later," Steve said. "Don't worry, Bucky. I won't let you do anything bad."
Bucky rubbed his right hand over his left shoulder, then down his chest. "I don't know if I'm even really me anymore," he said. "How can I know?"
"You know by comparing your current pattern of behavior to your past pattern," Phil said. "So far you've done well interacting with people. Test the parameters, push a little farther, and see if you hold steady or start to wobble. If you lose your balance, we'll catch you."
"You're still yourself, Bucky. You're banged up but I recognize you," Steve assured him. Bucky leaned against the larger man for comfort. "If you can't trust yourself, then trust me."
"We gave Clint his bow back because we needed him in the Battle of New York, and that worked out fine," Phil said. "Your weapon skill is part of you, Bucky. It's one of the most familiar things you have right now. Taking it away would just make it harder for you to remember yourself." He waved a hand toward Steve. "As Betty pointed out, we're a household of superheroes. Should anything go wrong, we can deal with it. Besides, if you're like most snipers I know, you find range work relaxing. That's a good thing."
"I do, yeah," Bucky said. "I haven't had much time to practice, just missions."
"Something else to consider: you made it through the whole haircut without losing your patience. You deserve a reward for that," Phil said.
Bucky looked at Steve. "Does he really mean that?"
Steve grinned. "He sure does. Phil says that we do a lot of hard things all the time, so we should get nice things to make up for that," Steve said. Then he shrugged. "I know, it's kid stuff, but it works."
"So, would you like to try a practice session on the shooting range?" Phil asked Bucky.
"I would ... but, I don't have my guns ..." Bucky said.
"You can borrow something on the range," Steve assured him. "We have a variety of weapons there, plus both lightweight target ammunition and some heavier stuff. We'll start with the lightest and see how you do with that. It's not what you're used to, but you've never taken long to learn a new model. Come on, I'll walk you there."
"You can barely hit the broad side of a building, runt," said Bucky. "I remember you trying to kill cockroaches with a brick."
"I've gotten better," Steve said. "I'll show you."
"I think I'd enjoy that," Bucky said.
"Go have fun, you two. I'll come get you if you're not out by dinner time," Phil said. He watched them leave, hoping that Clint and Natasha wouldn't mind the interruption of whatever training program they had going. But Clint always loved the chance to challenge another sharpshooter.
* * *
Notes:
Prosthetic memory refers to an artificial augmentation or replacement of natural human memory. Some early research even hints at being able to repair damaged brains. Mobile computing offers many options for memory prosthetics. Prosthetic memory aids are tools designed to enable tasks that require intact memory. Cognitive prosthetic devices similarly help with everyday planning and thinking, particularly among veterans. SenseCam is a wearable camera that snaps photos automatically, providing a visual record of someone's day. The tower's security feed can serve a similar purpose for Bucky. Here are some screenshots of a computer program used for tracking activities.
Daily activities may pose a challenge for people with mental or physical limitations. Sometimes it helps to organize activities with a daily plan. Goal-Fish is a customizable to-do list that accounts for leisure and chore activities based on such limitations as energy/pain level, time, funds, number of people, etc. The task is first described simply, and detailed instructions can be turned on if desired.
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from life's challenges. Bucky has enhanced mental and physical resilience that allow him to recover at least some of his functionality despite the horrific experiences he has survived.
Family rules may be simple or more specific. It helps to create them together.
Checking mental health helps distinguish between ordinary and disordered functioning. Here's a basic checklist for assessing someone else, and a trained spy can get pretty good at this. There are checklists for self-care, feelings and mood intensity, among other aspects. These are some ways of dealing with cognitive dysfunction. Even with significant mental injury or illness, a person with good support at home may still manage to function pretty well. That boosts the chances and speed of recovery.
Self-knowledge helps people face difficulties and pursue life goals. There are steps for finding yourself and getting to know yourself. Asking questions can help, as can exploring the whys and hows in detail.
Rewarding yourself encourages success. It doesn't have to be expensive; there are frugal options. It helps to sort rewards by size and timing. A worksheet can help replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts, actions and rewards.
[To be continued in Part 22 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hulk, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Nick Fury.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mind control. Inferences of past child abuse and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: A mission in Russia introduces the Avengers to the Winter Soldier. Steve wants Bucky back and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Everyone else helps however they can.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Canon-typical violence. BAMF!Avengers. Bucky!whump. Vulgar language. Drama. Rescue. Hurt/Comfort. Emotional whump. Survivor guilt. Friendship. Confusion. Mind control. Memory loss. Slow recovery. Nick Fury makes stupid-ass decisions. Fear of loss. Arc reactor. Fluff. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Tony Stark has a heart. Games. Trust issues. Safety and security. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Obadiah Stane's A+ parenting. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Sleep issues. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Personal growth. Family of choice. ALL THE FEELS. #coulsonlives.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20. Skip to Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26.
"No Winter Lasts Forever" Part 21
"I have experience serving as a prosthetic memory, Bucky," said JARVIS. "All you have to do is teach me what you need and I will help you keep track of everything."
Phil recalled how often Tony said "JARVIS, make a note..." and how easily he forgot things because he often worked at speed across multiple tasks simultaneously. JARVIS also had a deft skill at interpreting hints or intent, so that -- like the butler who had served as a model for his personality -- he could provide what people needed without requiring a direct order. Tony must have designed JARVIS to compensate for his own mind's tendency to flit from one topic to another and drop things in the process. JARVIS reminding Tony of something, or prompting Steve on modern things, had become background patter to the point that Phil scarcely paid attention to it. But it was there, a quiet thread of support running through their days.
"That will work," Phil said to Bucky. "Just keep JARVIS informed of what you're learning. He can store it and shorten the reload time when you wake up, just as Steve and Natasha are learning which memory anchors bring up your recognition the fastest. He can also replay parts of the security feed for you if you need to review a conversation or remind yourself what something looks like."
Bucky's expression had slowly turned from defeated to hopeful. His resilience won out over the stress. "Okay," he said. "That's ... good. Really good."
Phil put away the last of the dishes, then turned to Bucky and asked, "What would you like to do today?"
"I -- you're asking me?" Bucky said, bewildered. "I don't, I don't choose. People give me orders. I follow them. What am I even allowed to do?" He looked lost again.
"Well, we have some basic rules, such as don't hurt yourself or anyone else and try not break things if you can help it. Beyond that, you're allowed to do pretty much whatever you want," Phil said. "Maybe practice a favorite skill."
"Like what?" Bucky said.
Phil thought about what to suggest next, because this wasn't his first time working with someone who suffered from choice paralysis and needed guidance until their volition recovered. Then he remembered a previous snippet of conversation. It was a calculated risk, but given Bucky's recent past, Phil had very little else to choose from that might work. Between Department X training and the memory loss, Bucky's skill set was regrettably narrow at present.
"Earlier you mentioned an interest in our shooting range. You could go try your hand against Clint and Natasha," Phil said.
"You'd really let me have weapons?" Bucky said. "I could hurt someone, or worse ..."
"Do you feel like hurting us right now?" Phil asked. The Winter Soldier had, after all, tried to kill Captain America and Black Widow.
"No, of course not!" Bucky said. He looked horrified at the idea.
"Then it sounds like your personality and moral code are holding sway over your combat conditioning," Phil said. "That's a good sign. Just the fact that you worry about these things is another good sign."
"Why do you trust me so much?" Bucky asked in a forlorn tone. "You shouldn't. SHIELD doesn't. I can't even trust myself."
"SHIELD doesn't really trust anyone. Sometimes that's a problem," Steve said. "We'll help you rebuild your trust in yourself, Bucky." Steve gave Phil a soft smile. "We're getting good at that. We've done it for each other. Just give us a chance. We got you out of enemy hands and broke the primary controls over you. Whatever's left in the way of residual reflexes, we'll deal with it together. That means we need to find out where any trouble spots are."
"When we first assembled this team, we nearly lost someone to mind control," Phil said. "Natasha managed to restore Clint to himself, and he went right back into battle. We're good at gauging who's reliable or not."
"Even with weapons?" Bucky said. "What if ... just holding one brings back something that was done to me, and I try to hurt someone?"
"If weapons are going to cause that kind of problem, better to find out now under controlled circumstances rather than get blindsided by it later," Steve said. "Don't worry, Bucky. I won't let you do anything bad."
Bucky rubbed his right hand over his left shoulder, then down his chest. "I don't know if I'm even really me anymore," he said. "How can I know?"
"You know by comparing your current pattern of behavior to your past pattern," Phil said. "So far you've done well interacting with people. Test the parameters, push a little farther, and see if you hold steady or start to wobble. If you lose your balance, we'll catch you."
"You're still yourself, Bucky. You're banged up but I recognize you," Steve assured him. Bucky leaned against the larger man for comfort. "If you can't trust yourself, then trust me."
"We gave Clint his bow back because we needed him in the Battle of New York, and that worked out fine," Phil said. "Your weapon skill is part of you, Bucky. It's one of the most familiar things you have right now. Taking it away would just make it harder for you to remember yourself." He waved a hand toward Steve. "As Betty pointed out, we're a household of superheroes. Should anything go wrong, we can deal with it. Besides, if you're like most snipers I know, you find range work relaxing. That's a good thing."
"I do, yeah," Bucky said. "I haven't had much time to practice, just missions."
"Something else to consider: you made it through the whole haircut without losing your patience. You deserve a reward for that," Phil said.
Bucky looked at Steve. "Does he really mean that?"
Steve grinned. "He sure does. Phil says that we do a lot of hard things all the time, so we should get nice things to make up for that," Steve said. Then he shrugged. "I know, it's kid stuff, but it works."
"So, would you like to try a practice session on the shooting range?" Phil asked Bucky.
"I would ... but, I don't have my guns ..." Bucky said.
"You can borrow something on the range," Steve assured him. "We have a variety of weapons there, plus both lightweight target ammunition and some heavier stuff. We'll start with the lightest and see how you do with that. It's not what you're used to, but you've never taken long to learn a new model. Come on, I'll walk you there."
"You can barely hit the broad side of a building, runt," said Bucky. "I remember you trying to kill cockroaches with a brick."
"I've gotten better," Steve said. "I'll show you."
"I think I'd enjoy that," Bucky said.
"Go have fun, you two. I'll come get you if you're not out by dinner time," Phil said. He watched them leave, hoping that Clint and Natasha wouldn't mind the interruption of whatever training program they had going. But Clint always loved the chance to challenge another sharpshooter.
* * *
Notes:
Prosthetic memory refers to an artificial augmentation or replacement of natural human memory. Some early research even hints at being able to repair damaged brains. Mobile computing offers many options for memory prosthetics. Prosthetic memory aids are tools designed to enable tasks that require intact memory. Cognitive prosthetic devices similarly help with everyday planning and thinking, particularly among veterans. SenseCam is a wearable camera that snaps photos automatically, providing a visual record of someone's day. The tower's security feed can serve a similar purpose for Bucky. Here are some screenshots of a computer program used for tracking activities.
Daily activities may pose a challenge for people with mental or physical limitations. Sometimes it helps to organize activities with a daily plan. Goal-Fish is a customizable to-do list that accounts for leisure and chore activities based on such limitations as energy/pain level, time, funds, number of people, etc. The task is first described simply, and detailed instructions can be turned on if desired.
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from life's challenges. Bucky has enhanced mental and physical resilience that allow him to recover at least some of his functionality despite the horrific experiences he has survived.
Family rules may be simple or more specific. It helps to create them together.
Checking mental health helps distinguish between ordinary and disordered functioning. Here's a basic checklist for assessing someone else, and a trained spy can get pretty good at this. There are checklists for self-care, feelings and mood intensity, among other aspects. These are some ways of dealing with cognitive dysfunction. Even with significant mental injury or illness, a person with good support at home may still manage to function pretty well. That boosts the chances and speed of recovery.
Self-knowledge helps people face difficulties and pursue life goals. There are steps for finding yourself and getting to know yourself. Asking questions can help, as can exploring the whys and hows in detail.
Rewarding yourself encourages success. It doesn't have to be expensive; there are frugal options. It helps to sort rewards by size and timing. A worksheet can help replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts, actions and rewards.
[To be continued in Part 22 ...]
Re: Okay...
Date: 2013-06-02 12:34 am (UTC)I'm glad I could help!
>> I don't even know what article I was trying to read back when you posted part 1 of this story. I think it might have been the comics one. And I tried googling some character names, probably ended up on some comics wiki, and mostly continued to be confused (Because the intended audience for a comics wiki is fans, so of course they don't explain the 1+1=2 stuff). <<
That's okay. This stuff is confusing because there is a lot of canon and it contradicts itself. Frankly much of comiclore is officially sanctioned fanfic after you get past the first author/artist pair and story arc of anything; later users tend to change things. I'm working primarily from the recent movies, some miscellaneous comic bits, and other fragments of canon.
And I disapprove of "about" articles that assume prior knowledge. If people knew the topic they probably wouldn't be reading the article, unless it's meant as a series set to cover multiple levels and you come in at the intermediate one. Sheesh, even my nonfiction book says in the front that it's not meant as a first book on either writing or Paganism.
>>I recognise Asgard from some novel I read about 8 years ago that built on Scandinavian mythology some.<<
Some of the mythology is used in comic canon, some not, so that may help.
>> I recognise the tesseract from A Wrinkle in Time. If this is a completely different tesseract, which it probably is, I'll be lost. okay something about a wormhole, that sounds like the tesseracts i know and love. <<
They're related, though not identical. This Tesseract is a potent and dangerous power source with a lot of applications that frankly nobody understands in full.
>> the name "Bruce Banner" sounds vaguely familiar, and the link goes to the Hulk, who I can visualise but don't know if he's a good guy or a bad guy. <<
Both, actually. Bruce-and-Hulk are a multiple system with a profoundly dysfunctional relationship; they're also survivors of child abuse, and they act like it. That's canon; I play it up in this series because it's relevant here. So they try to do things right, but they make a lot of mistakes, and it's taking them a long time to learn how to deal with each other at all well.
>> paragraph 3 "The Avengers become divided" -- not sure which of the 13 characters named thus far are members of the Avengers. the problem with the cliff notes version is you don't have time to get to know anybody before new people are introduced. <<
In comic canon, the team members vary. In the movies, they are Tony Stark/Iron Man, Steve Rogers/Captain America, Bruce Banner/Hulk, Clint Barton/Hawkeye, Natasha Romanova/Black Widow, and Thor. In my series, I start with those minus Thor (who has gone back to Asgard), plus Agent Phil Coulson of SHIELD.
>> I think I'll do better with "Love Is For Children". Especially if it lets me get to know people one at a time and understand who they are. <<
It starts out primarily with the trio of Phil, Clint, and Natasha. Then Tony, Bruce, and Steve come into play one at a time. Betty is the girlfriend of Bruce-and-Hulk; she arrives in "Dolls and Guys." (For best results, read the plot summary of The Incredible Hulk.) Bucky is Steve's brother-by-choice; he arrives in "No Winter Lasts Forever." (Read the plot summary of Captain America.) By adding characters slowly, I have more time to develop the relationships as they grow and change.
>> Interestingly enough, I recognise some of these characters from another work of fanfiction (sort of) I've been enjoying. <<
That's good to hear.
>> So, I already know somebody named Tony Stark, who is a genius and tech wiz and is good at making gadgets, and I know a computer program named JARVIS who keeps Tony Stark company <<
I write Tony as a technogenius with poor emotional skills, and JARVIS as computer-generated assistant. So you'll probably recognize them.
>> Most of the people you're writing to do know the backstory, <<
I often try to describe enough that people new to a story will have something to go on, and people already familiar won't feel that I'm spoon-feeding them ...
>> and I remember how annoyed I used to be as a kid reading the Babysitter's Club books that there was an entire chapter devoted to "what the fuck is the Babysitter's Club?" <<
... which mistake people often make with kids. Though I've seen it even in adult books; James White's "Sector General" stories have whole paragraphs of boilerplate that gets repeated whenever a certain topic comes up.
>> I think an index at the back of the book would have been sufficient for those books: <<
Agreed.
>> Sounds like Bucky's having a rough time. <<
He really is. There's a lot of damage, just not where it shows on the skin. Mental injury gets nasty.
>> I hope things get better for him. <<
They do. One the Avengers get Bucky into their home where they can take care of him properly, they quickly start to figure out ways of dealing with the damage. Some of it is stuff that can be alleviated pretty fast, while some is going to take a lot more time and effort. Among the things that people like about this series is that, no matter how bad things get, the characters help each other over the rough spots and the stories tend to end on an upbeat. The earlier stories are high in fluff content; as the series progresses, more serious topics arise, but there is still fluff for leavening.
>> I do hope I'll be able to read this story. I'll go read Love is for Children. <<
Yay!
>> I could see a Goal-Fish category helping with that. "Stuff I need to remember" (instead of the usual categories of "Stuff to do"). <<
That's a good idea.
*ponder* And there's another expansion option, too: you could watch for people's customized categories to see if there are ones you'd really like to make public versions of; and you could make a list of customized categories that several people have used, to be visible as a donor perk in case other folks want to create their own.
>> I created a Goal-Fish category for Seasonings recently on my personal account. <<
Oh, that's clever!
I have a chart that shows which herbs are good which which other ingredients. There are a few herbs and a few vegetables that will go with almost anything. There are also some that go really well together. So when I don't know what herbs and spices I want to use, I look there for inspiration.
Re: Okay...
Date: 2013-06-03 12:30 pm (UTC)Eh, I could just put a list of common categories, or suggestions for categories on the help page I think.
Today's herbs will be "coriander, cumin, and cardamom (if I have it, which I might not). And I got some spinach at the store, for variety. But I'm out of garlic and the store didn't have it.
I pretty much eat the same vegetables every time, though it varies somewhat by season. It's hard to find out of season produce, so I just get whatever vegetables look good at the store and stick them all in a pot together. They're good with pretty much any variation on the spices.
Re: Okay...
Date: 2013-06-06 01:30 am (UTC)Yes. When Tony was growing up, his father Howard -- who met Steve in the war -- talked about him all the time. At first Tony hero-worshiped Captain America, but the older he got, the more that turned to resentment as Howard compared Tony unfavorably to Steve. But the background is still there. It just would have been an awkward overlap.
>> And who is the Carter? <<
Peggy Carter was also in the war with Steve, and later helped found SHIELD. She's someone else that Tony looked up to. Picking her last name instead of Steve's is a bit of displacement, but still in the right ballpark.
>>Eh, I could just put a list of common categories, or suggestions for categories on the help page I think.<<
That's a good idea.
>> Today's herbs will be "coriander, cumin, and cardamom (if I have it, which I might not). <<
Oh, those all go well together. I often cook with them.