Touch Aversion
Apr. 26th, 2013 02:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithAs part of the ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger." Continue to later sections: "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," "Healthy Vulnerability," "Coping with Emotional Drop."
"Touch Aversion"
Touch aversion is the counterpoint to skin hunger. Some people prefer to abstain from physical contact with other people. This is also known as chiraptophobia, touch avoidance, or tactile defensiveness. It can be considered a subtype of sensory defensiveness. There is a quiz to explore whether you have touch aversion.
Causes may be psychological, physical, or both. Autistic people may dislike touching due to hypersensitivity or difficulty filtering out sensations. Premature birth is also associated with touch aversion. Child abuse often leaves survivors resistant to physical contact; other traumatic experiences such as rape may do the same. Pregnant women sometimes do not want to be touched, although this usually fades after childbirth. Chronic pain and other illnesses can turn mild contact into agony. Someone may resist having one body part touched, but feel okay about others.
Some people may wish to overcome touch aversion, others not. Frequently relatives desire or demand physical contact -- not just spouses, but also parents of tactile-defensive children. It's not a good idea to harass anyone on this point. However, gradual introduction of loving touch can make progress toward finding mutually agreeable forms of contact. Therapy techniques such as anchoring can help overcome touch aversion.
There's a useful saying that sometimes appears in PTSD discussions: "You don't have to eat the eggplant." That means if something bothers you a lot, but comes up rarely, you can just skip it. Things that come up frequently, or are necessary for some reason, may justify the amount of work required to tolerate them. Do a cost-effectiveness assessment. Think about how much time, effort, and expense would be required to get over a particular hangup vs. what you would gain by being able to do that thing with less upset. Then work on the issue(s) that will give you the best bang for your buck. It's up to you whether touching, or certain types of touching, are worth doing or not.
In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. I must admit, I've seen almost none of those anywhere. The Eldritch characters by M.C.A. Hogarth include a few examples; they're touch-telempaths. If I look at my own work, I can identify at least one: Solvig in Hart's Farm. If you read "After Dark," that's typical of her interactions with other people; she rarely seems to touch more than minimally and briefly. Solvig is asexual, aromantic, and reserved in general. She dresses in very sober, modest clothing by choice. She has close positive relationships; she just isn't a physically demonstrative person.
So I'm curious: would folks like to see more coverage of characters who are touch-averse and not otherwise a complete mess?
* * *
Read two Torn World poems featuring touch aversion: "Stinging Like Nettles" and "Wandering the Heights."
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger." Continue to later sections: "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," "Healthy Vulnerability," "Coping with Emotional Drop.""Touch Aversion"
Touch aversion is the counterpoint to skin hunger. Some people prefer to abstain from physical contact with other people. This is also known as chiraptophobia, touch avoidance, or tactile defensiveness. It can be considered a subtype of sensory defensiveness. There is a quiz to explore whether you have touch aversion.
Causes may be psychological, physical, or both. Autistic people may dislike touching due to hypersensitivity or difficulty filtering out sensations. Premature birth is also associated with touch aversion. Child abuse often leaves survivors resistant to physical contact; other traumatic experiences such as rape may do the same. Pregnant women sometimes do not want to be touched, although this usually fades after childbirth. Chronic pain and other illnesses can turn mild contact into agony. Someone may resist having one body part touched, but feel okay about others.
Some people may wish to overcome touch aversion, others not. Frequently relatives desire or demand physical contact -- not just spouses, but also parents of tactile-defensive children. It's not a good idea to harass anyone on this point. However, gradual introduction of loving touch can make progress toward finding mutually agreeable forms of contact. Therapy techniques such as anchoring can help overcome touch aversion.
There's a useful saying that sometimes appears in PTSD discussions: "You don't have to eat the eggplant." That means if something bothers you a lot, but comes up rarely, you can just skip it. Things that come up frequently, or are necessary for some reason, may justify the amount of work required to tolerate them. Do a cost-effectiveness assessment. Think about how much time, effort, and expense would be required to get over a particular hangup vs. what you would gain by being able to do that thing with less upset. Then work on the issue(s) that will give you the best bang for your buck. It's up to you whether touching, or certain types of touching, are worth doing or not.
In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. I must admit, I've seen almost none of those anywhere. The Eldritch characters by M.C.A. Hogarth include a few examples; they're touch-telempaths. If I look at my own work, I can identify at least one: Solvig in Hart's Farm. If you read "After Dark," that's typical of her interactions with other people; she rarely seems to touch more than minimally and briefly. Solvig is asexual, aromantic, and reserved in general. She dresses in very sober, modest clothing by choice. She has close positive relationships; she just isn't a physically demonstrative person.
So I'm curious: would folks like to see more coverage of characters who are touch-averse and not otherwise a complete mess?
* * *
Read two Torn World poems featuring touch aversion: "Stinging Like Nettles" and "Wandering the Heights."
Thoughts
Date: 2017-02-27 09:39 pm (UTC)Yay!
>> Other than touch telempaths like Spock, or a character like Rogue who would hurt or kill someone, the only non-powered touch averse characters right off the top of my head other than those mentioned are Tony Stark and Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang. Hmm. -kellyc <<
It's pretty rare in entertainment. This probably happens because people either don't notice it, or think it's silly. But touch aversion is real, and sometimes serious in abuse survivors, neurovariant folks, or people with conditions that make touch painful. I think it's something that deserves more consideration.
Touch Aversion Caused By Pain (was: Re: Though)
Date: 2018-09-07 12:18 pm (UTC)Conditions like fibromyalgia, and severe arthritis - both rheumatoid and osteoarthritis, and the autoimmune condition, spondyloarthropathy. I have all of these conditions, and some kinds of touch are painful as a result. I find that I often have to advocate for myself, and say, “please don’t grab my leg that way” or “don’t hold my foot so tightly”. I am disabled by my arthritis, and isolated as a result. I am also touch starved. I have left comments all through “LIFC”; when a link about touch aversion in the story “Touching Moments” led me here, I realized that I now have something I can contribute to the “Touch-Aversion” side of the equation. The pain that is a constant part of my reality, due to my condition, and how people are either too scared to interact with me, or they fail to take my physical condition into consideration and grab hold of me and/or try to maneuver me as they would anybody else my age (I am quite young). Of course, the difference is I am NOT able bodied (Alas! I was an equestrian athlete, Before) and they are causing me a great deal of pain.
I always appreciate the people who will stop immediately-whatever they are doing-and adjust how they are touching me. But it would be even better if those same people listened when I tell them about myself, and take the “profound arthritis” into consideration, so that they *ask* me what is the best way to make contact before they touch me. I can only imagine that would save me the pain.
Someday, I hope I meet people who listen and ask first. People who believe me when I say, “I have arthritis in every joint”, and don’t assume I’m exaggerating. (I’m not). I enjoyed the story “Stinging of Nettles” because the girl’s needs were accommodated by her community. I think part of the problem in Local America is there is too much judgement of disabled people, particularly if they are also in chronic pain. Add some extra weight (which is inevitable if you cannot move your body) and one has hit the trifecta for misunderstanding and judgement from almost everyone around them.
Thanks Ysabet for the thoughtful post about Touch Aversion, and thanks to the other commentors here for their views on the issue. I hope my comments fit in- I’m feeling very shy about posting them.
-tresta
PS. Most of my comments relate to medical situations; in my private life, I’m rarely touched at all. I would love hugs, or hand holding, - variations on non-sexual contact from the handful of people I trust. One person in my life is aware that I feel cut off from others and she does hug me sometimes, which is wonderful.
I suspect I’m still sane because I have my fur baby Delphi, who is always very close to me. In my lap; in my arms. I tell her I will buy a baby sling for her, so she can be right against my chest and feel snuggled and safe, even when I need my hands. Needing my hands free is what usually brings an end,to our cuddle feats- she will leap in my arms, or climb into my lap - she is with me all the time, and I am thrice blessed.
Re: Touch Aversion Caused By Pain (was: Re: Though)
Date: 2018-09-07 07:39 pm (UTC)Wow, that sucks. :(
I hunted around until I found an article talking about chronic illness, pain, and touch aversion so I could edit the post for more attention to this detail.
>> I find that I often have to advocate for myself, and say, “please don’t grab my leg that way” or “don’t hold my foot so tightly”. <<
Yeah, people can be pushy and rude. That's before considering things like crowds where bumping is unavoidable, a miserable situation for people with chronic pain or touch-activated energy senses. I have sometimes found it helpful to use analogies like "Imagine that everyone in a crowd is a ..." followed by examples such as porcupine, knife, or walking taser. They don't have to mean you harm in order to do you harm.
Something that may help is the use of social alert buttons, like this "Pain Day" button. You can get them for a wide range of causes (like Fibromyalgia), effects (Left Side on Fire Today), and actions (Don't Touch Me). These are great because you can mix and match to customize the message.
However, for problems that rarely if ever change, t-shirts may work better. This one has the metaphor printed right on it. You can use warning colors and big letters.
>> I am disabled by my arthritis, and isolated as a result. I am also touch starved. <<
Alas!
>> I have left comments all through “LIFC”; when a link about touch aversion in the story “Touching Moments” led me here, I realized that I now have something I can contribute to the “Touch-Aversion” side of the equation. <<
Thank you.
>> The pain that is a constant part of my reality, due to my condition, and how people are either too scared to interact with me, or they fail to take my physical condition into consideration and grab hold of me and/or try to maneuver me as they would anybody else my age (I am quite young). Of course, the difference is I am NOT able bodied (Alas! I was an equestrian athlete, Before) and they are causing me a great deal of pain. <<
How awful.
You might try an approach that works for some abuse survivors: "Don't touch me, let me touch you. You can read the Cuddle Sutra online. Some of those positions are very suitable for cases where one person takes a pose and then the other fits around them. Cuddle positions for warm weather also work when only one part of your body has a bearable pain level.
>> I always appreciate the people who will stop immediately-whatever they are doing-and adjust how they are touching me. But it would be even better if those same people listened when I tell them about myself, and take the “profound arthritis” into consideration, so that they *ask* me what is the best way to make contact before they touch me. I can only imagine that would save me the pain. <<
It's really hard for anyone to get around their own lived experience. It's also hard for people to block hardwired instincts, and primates are so wired for touch that a lot of instincts point toward it. Put the two together, and you can see why learning not to touch someone is both difficult and uncomfortable. If someone really wants to learn, though, it might help to keep a running tally of your pain levels or even use a buzzer for painful touches.
>> Someday, I hope I meet people who listen and ask first. People who believe me when I say, “I have arthritis in every joint”, and don’t assume I’m exaggerating. (I’m not).<<
I hope so too.
>> I enjoyed the story “Stinging of Nettles” because the girl’s needs were accommodated by her community. <<
Northern and Southern cultures in Torn World make such a great contrast. Northern puts no social limit on what disabled people can do, but has little or no room to carry people who can't contribute to the village's survival. Southern is the opposite: they license people as disabled who then get full support, but are discouraged or forbidden from working. Neither is perfect, but they're very interesting to compare.
I tend to favor the North because they are so creative at finding things that everyone can do, and will accommodate uncommon needs as best they can. They have a deaf child-raiser, a mentally slow vermin huntress, and so on.
>> I think part of the problem in Local America is there is too much judgement of disabled people, particularly if they are also in chronic pain. Add some extra weight (which is inevitable if you cannot move your body) and one has hit the trifecta for misunderstanding and judgement from almost everyone around them. <<
I agree. Local America can be vicious.
>> Thanks Ysabet for the thoughtful post about Touch Aversion, and thanks to the other commentors here for their views on the issue.<<
You're welcome! Feel free to prompt for this in any relevant prompt call.
>> I hope my comments fit in- I’m feeling very shy about posting them. <<
They fit right in, and I'm deeply grateful for sharing such intimate details. Nobody's going to understand this stuff until people with those conditions speak up and explain what it's like. Which is hard work.
>>PS. Most of my comments relate to medical situations; <<
1) Medical personnel should NOT be touching anyone without getting consent first. If they do, you can file a complaint. But since they routinely violate boundaries for people with disabilities, and frequently with others, it'd be a lot of extra work.
2) Some facilities have staff or volunteers who provide some kind of healthy touch. Hand-holding is a popular enough request that you could probably get someone to do it. Massage is another, if you have days when some parts don't hurt to touch.
>>in my private life, I’m rarely touched at all.<<
That's a serious threat to mental health. :(
>> I would love hugs, or hand holding, - variations on non-sexual contact from the handful of people I trust. One person in my life is aware that I feel cut off from others and she does hug me sometimes, which is wonderful.<<
That's good.
>>I suspect I’m still sane because I have my fur baby Delphi, who is always very close to me.<<
Yay!