Touch Aversion
Apr. 26th, 2013 02:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithAs part of the ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger." Continue to later sections: "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," "Healthy Vulnerability," "Coping with Emotional Drop."
"Touch Aversion"
Touch aversion is the counterpoint to skin hunger. Some people prefer to abstain from physical contact with other people. This is also known as chiraptophobia, touch avoidance, or tactile defensiveness. It can be considered a subtype of sensory defensiveness. There is a quiz to explore whether you have touch aversion.
Causes may be psychological, physical, or both. Autistic people may dislike touching due to hypersensitivity or difficulty filtering out sensations. Premature birth is also associated with touch aversion. Child abuse often leaves survivors resistant to physical contact; other traumatic experiences such as rape may do the same. Pregnant women sometimes do not want to be touched, although this usually fades after childbirth. Chronic pain and other illnesses can turn mild contact into agony. Someone may resist having one body part touched, but feel okay about others.
Some people may wish to overcome touch aversion, others not. Frequently relatives desire or demand physical contact -- not just spouses, but also parents of tactile-defensive children. It's not a good idea to harass anyone on this point. However, gradual introduction of loving touch can make progress toward finding mutually agreeable forms of contact. Therapy techniques such as anchoring can help overcome touch aversion.
There's a useful saying that sometimes appears in PTSD discussions: "You don't have to eat the eggplant." That means if something bothers you a lot, but comes up rarely, you can just skip it. Things that come up frequently, or are necessary for some reason, may justify the amount of work required to tolerate them. Do a cost-effectiveness assessment. Think about how much time, effort, and expense would be required to get over a particular hangup vs. what you would gain by being able to do that thing with less upset. Then work on the issue(s) that will give you the best bang for your buck. It's up to you whether touching, or certain types of touching, are worth doing or not.
In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. I must admit, I've seen almost none of those anywhere. The Eldritch characters by M.C.A. Hogarth include a few examples; they're touch-telempaths. If I look at my own work, I can identify at least one: Solvig in Hart's Farm. If you read "After Dark," that's typical of her interactions with other people; she rarely seems to touch more than minimally and briefly. Solvig is asexual, aromantic, and reserved in general. She dresses in very sober, modest clothing by choice. She has close positive relationships; she just isn't a physically demonstrative person.
So I'm curious: would folks like to see more coverage of characters who are touch-averse and not otherwise a complete mess?
* * *
Read two Torn World poems featuring touch aversion: "Stinging Like Nettles" and "Wandering the Heights."
three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Previously we discussed "Skin Hunger." Continue to later sections: "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," "Healthy Vulnerability," "Coping with Emotional Drop.""Touch Aversion"
Touch aversion is the counterpoint to skin hunger. Some people prefer to abstain from physical contact with other people. This is also known as chiraptophobia, touch avoidance, or tactile defensiveness. It can be considered a subtype of sensory defensiveness. There is a quiz to explore whether you have touch aversion.
Causes may be psychological, physical, or both. Autistic people may dislike touching due to hypersensitivity or difficulty filtering out sensations. Premature birth is also associated with touch aversion. Child abuse often leaves survivors resistant to physical contact; other traumatic experiences such as rape may do the same. Pregnant women sometimes do not want to be touched, although this usually fades after childbirth. Chronic pain and other illnesses can turn mild contact into agony. Someone may resist having one body part touched, but feel okay about others.
Some people may wish to overcome touch aversion, others not. Frequently relatives desire or demand physical contact -- not just spouses, but also parents of tactile-defensive children. It's not a good idea to harass anyone on this point. However, gradual introduction of loving touch can make progress toward finding mutually agreeable forms of contact. Therapy techniques such as anchoring can help overcome touch aversion.
There's a useful saying that sometimes appears in PTSD discussions: "You don't have to eat the eggplant." That means if something bothers you a lot, but comes up rarely, you can just skip it. Things that come up frequently, or are necessary for some reason, may justify the amount of work required to tolerate them. Do a cost-effectiveness assessment. Think about how much time, effort, and expense would be required to get over a particular hangup vs. what you would gain by being able to do that thing with less upset. Then work on the issue(s) that will give you the best bang for your buck. It's up to you whether touching, or certain types of touching, are worth doing or not.
In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. In my research of this topic, I found this interesting snippet about positive portrayals of touch-averse characters. I must admit, I've seen almost none of those anywhere. The Eldritch characters by M.C.A. Hogarth include a few examples; they're touch-telempaths. If I look at my own work, I can identify at least one: Solvig in Hart's Farm. If you read "After Dark," that's typical of her interactions with other people; she rarely seems to touch more than minimally and briefly. Solvig is asexual, aromantic, and reserved in general. She dresses in very sober, modest clothing by choice. She has close positive relationships; she just isn't a physically demonstrative person.
So I'm curious: would folks like to see more coverage of characters who are touch-averse and not otherwise a complete mess?
* * *
Read two Torn World poems featuring touch aversion: "Stinging Like Nettles" and "Wandering the Heights."
Poem
Date: 2013-04-26 10:18 pm (UTC)Regarding touch aversion vs. skin hunger, there is variable tolerance for both. Most people want some contact so they understand that need at least somewhat; but they're not always accommodating for people who need touch but aren't getting enough. I'd like to see more tolerance in general for people outside the average range.
Re: Poem
Date: 2013-04-27 12:19 am (UTC)According to my mother I was a baby who also hated cuddles, so this relates to me a lot.
I also like the line, "Maybe she just needs a little more time to get used to the world." Sometimes it feels like that: this body was wrong, and I never really got used to it.
Re: Poem
Date: 2013-04-27 12:22 am (UTC)Yay! I'm glad it worked for you.
>>According to my mother I was a baby who also hated cuddles, so this relates to me a lot.<<
Based on the descriptions, touch aversion often seems to start with an uncuddly baby, so that's where I went with the idea.
>>I also like the line, "Maybe she just needs a little more time to get used to the world." Sometimes it feels like that: this body was wrong, and I never really got used to it.<<
Some people have less of a filter than others. Babies have a hard time filtering things out just because they don't have the database yet to determine what is important vs. what is negligible. So it's easy for them to get distracted, frustrated, and confused. Older people can learn coping skills if their filters are below average.
Re: Poem
Date: 2015-10-25 10:08 am (UTC)Re: Poem
Date: 2015-10-26 06:33 am (UTC)Yay! It's good to see you again.
>> I have the wistful/bitter/grateful feelings about people just automatically adjusting and only expressing themselves in ways she'll actually be able to receive joyfully. Guess I just wanted to say thanks. <<
*hugs offered*
The Northerners are very accommodating because they have to be -- they live in each other's pockets, and there are so few people they can't afford to waste any manpower. So they have learned to how work around most differences. It's a pretty cozy culture. :D