Cuddle Party
Feb. 8th, 2023 12:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithEveryone needs contact comfort sometimes. Not everyone has ample opportunities for this in facetime. So here is a chance for a cuddle party in cyberspace. Virtual cuddling can help people feel better.
We have a cuddle room that comes with fort cushions, fort frames, sheets for draping, and a weighted blanket. A nest full of colorful egg pillows sits in one corner. There is a basket of grooming brushes, hairbrushes, and styling combs. A bin holds textured pillows. There is a big basket of craft supplies along with art markers, coloring pages, and blank paper. The kitchen has a popcorn machine. Labels are available to mark dietary needs, recipe ingredients, and level of spiciness. Here is the bathroom, open to everyone. There is a lawn tent and an outdoor hot tub. Bathers should post a sign for nude or clothed activity. Come snuggle up!
Enjoy some Valentine's Day recipes.
25 Non-Alcoholic Drinks for Valentine's Day
31 Red and Pink Cocktail Recipes for Valentine's Day
40 Pink and Red Recipes for a Sweet Valentine's Day
50 Best Valentine's Day Recipes
Healthy Valentine's Day Recipes
40 BEST VALENTINE'S DAY DESSERT RECIPES
50 Allergy Friendly Valentine’s Desserts
We have a cuddle room that comes with fort cushions, fort frames, sheets for draping, and a weighted blanket. A nest full of colorful egg pillows sits in one corner. There is a basket of grooming brushes, hairbrushes, and styling combs. A bin holds textured pillows. There is a big basket of craft supplies along with art markers, coloring pages, and blank paper. The kitchen has a popcorn machine. Labels are available to mark dietary needs, recipe ingredients, and level of spiciness. Here is the bathroom, open to everyone. There is a lawn tent and an outdoor hot tub. Bathers should post a sign for nude or clothed activity. Come snuggle up!
Enjoy some Valentine's Day recipes.
25 Non-Alcoholic Drinks for Valentine's Day
31 Red and Pink Cocktail Recipes for Valentine's Day
40 Pink and Red Recipes for a Sweet Valentine's Day
50 Best Valentine's Day Recipes
Healthy Valentine's Day Recipes
40 BEST VALENTINE'S DAY DESSERT RECIPES
50 Allergy Friendly Valentine’s Desserts
(no subject)
Date: 2023-02-08 07:17 pm (UTC)Something I often feel uncomfortable with, in many queer groups I've been in, is this constant pressure to drink alcohol or smoke nicotine and/or pot. Almost every social event in my last group had alcohol, pot, or nicotine attached, with an implication that if you weren't doing these things, what were you doing here? I don't begrudge people drinking or smoking, I just can't do so myself. Pot makes me jumpy and paranoid, alcohol turns me violent and cruel. That's not who I want to be for other people.
Thoughts
Date: 2023-02-08 09:23 pm (UTC)You're welcome!
>> I especially appreciate the non-alcoholic Valentine's Day drinks.<<
I'm happy I could help. I try to include alternatives because many of my readers can't or won't consume various ingredients. I have things I don't eat or drink too, so I try to make sure there are enough options for everyone to find something that appeals to them.
I'm a big fan of nonalcoholic celebratory beverages. Alcohol does nothing for me, and I dislike the taste of most of it with a few exceptions like rum or rum extract in baking. I love Italian sodas. I love fruit juices -- one of my favorite celebratory beverages is muscadine grape juice. Mulled cider is a delight. It is entirely possible to make exciting beverages for special occasions without the use of alcohol.
>>Something I often feel uncomfortable with, in many queer groups I've been in, is this constant pressure to drink alcohol or smoke nicotine and/or pot. Almost every social event in my last group had alcohol, pot, or nicotine attached, with an implication that if you weren't doing these things, what were you doing here? <<
That is a relatively common problem, with a lot of complex causes, some of which are easier to address than others. Possibilities include:
* Some people simply don't know better. They may not actually enjoy those things but have grown up with them and do not realize there are other options. This is the easiest problem to solve, it's pretty common, and people are happy to have it solved rather than hostile about proposed alternatives. It's also one of the rare problems you can solve for someone else. I've done it, just because any problem that can be solved with information is usually a problem I can fix.
In this case, simply providing alternatives will surprise and delight them. Plus you get the fun of introducing someone to the wonders of Italian sodas or whatever. Learn and teach inert celebratory beverages like Italian sodas or how to work a CO2 machine for fizzing up homemade sodas using simple syrups. It's also helpful to know party games and other tools or techniques that assist socializing.
* Some people, and this is more common in queer circles because society is fucked up regarding sex, consume social lubricants because it is difficult or impossible for them to socialize without altering their consciousness. If they still feel ashamed, guilty, dirty, fearful, etc. about their orientation then they may need a chemical assist to climb over that barrier. These people will resist having that tool taken away from them, and may become violent about it.
Working on this problem has various paths, but they amount to the same process: replacing the troublesome tool with a better one. This may be done by finding other substances that achieve the same desired effect with less trouble, or by finding a different means of getting over the barrier than substances, or by doing headwork to lower the barrier itself. A combination of tactics may work better than a single one. You can offer people options, but you can't do the work for them.
* Some people have more serious problems with substance use or abuse. Even things that are not physically addicting like marijuana or sex can behave as addictions in the sense that a person is unable to stop doing them despite negative consequences. Again, these are people who will become hostile or even violent if their access to substances is threatened in any way. It's a common problem, and while you can suggest resources, you can't do the work for them.
Here the outside actions are mainly about harm reduction. You can make sure people don't actually poison themselves, or learn first aid and local emergency resources in case they do. If they're always obviously using at least two popular drugs (or more likely three, since I'm betting caffeine is offered too) then it's likely there are other drugs that may not be as obvious, and some of those others play really badly with the first few. You may wish to watch for that. If someone crashes into rock bottom in front of you, it would be helpful to have references for local sobering services if any of those are actually safe and effective. Also make sure nobody drives or otherwise travels while too altered to be safe, that they have secure and sober transport. If this is not happening and you lack the authority to make it happen, those are really unsafe places and people to be around.
>> I don't begrudge people drinking or smoking, I just can't do so myself. Pot makes me jumpy and paranoid, alcohol turns me violent and cruel. That's not who I want to be for other people.<<
I get that. I'm an obnoxious drunk myself, although it's caffeine rather than alcohol which has that effect. I dislike the results so I don't get drunk.
Now, it's not uncommon for alcohol to enhance violence and cruelty; that's a known effect of that particular poison. But jumpy and paranoid are the opposite of what marijuana usually causes -- and where there's one polar opposite effect, there are often more. You may find it helpful to contemplate whether drugs typically work as advertised for you or if unexpected effects are common; and if common, whether you see that problem more from natural or from synthetic substances. Some people's bodies are just different, and that benefits from observation and mindful choices.
If you are not averse to altering consciousness, and you merely find the popular supplies to be counterproductive, then you may wish to explore other substances that may work better for you and other people with less bothersome side effects. Bear in mind that a lot of what alcohol promises, it doesn't really deliver; the same is true of junk food; although marijuana is more honest about what it can do for (most) people. Some folks want party goods that do things, but are not prone to needing an ambulance. You may get more accurate and pleasing results from choosing party supplies based on their performance, and then assembling them into exciting recipes. For example:
20 Stress Relieving Foods to Try if You're Feeling Anxious
23 Foods That Give You An Energy Boost Instantly
Herbal Teas to Lift Moods, Boost Energy and Calm Nerves
Mood-boosting Foods
List of Adaptogens
When it comes to choosing not to consume substances in social settings, and feeling uncomfortable that everyone around you is consuming substances and perhaps pressuring you to do likewise, you are not alone. There are many reasons why someone would avoid substances, including but not limited to pregnancy, medical contraindications, past problems, or personal taste. That adds up to a pretty significant amount of people.
Conversely, remember that at least 10% of people are some sort(s) of queer. This means that in any group, including a sober group, some of them will be queer. If there are 25 people at a sober party, statistically speaking 2-3 of them will be queer.
This gives you two angles of approach. 1) You can search queer spaces for other queers who share your unhappiness with substance-pushing environments. Due to that exact pushing and the aforementioned social and personal problems, there are many queers in recovery who would love a sober queer space, but you will find few of them in substance-pushing places. 2) You can search sober spaces for queers. If those sober spaces are not very queer-friendly, then there may be few queers there, but hunting around the fringes may turn up some; or you may find a few who would love to get out of there and find somewhere better.
If you can't find somewhere better, you can always make such a space yourself. If you're not up to hosting personally, you could assist or encourage someone else to do it. There is certainly a need; you're not the only person to complain about the problem of substance-pushing social spaces. Define what you dislike about them, create alternatives, and seek people who share your preferences to enjoy them with you. There are many resources for people who wish to host a sober party.
You may find it useful to collect tools and techniques for socialization that do not rely on substances.
"How to Host an Introvert Party"
How to Host a Sober Party
"Party Monitor Kit"
My post on "The Future of Fandom" lists a lot of resources for social situations.
Among the most fun and exciting alternatives is to present a "bar" of something other than alcohol. People love to play around with different options, and it's interesting to do things at a party which are too fussy to do every day.
Host a Hot Chocolate Bar Party + The Most Luxurious Hot Chocolate
How to Build a Non-Alcoholic Bar At Home
How To Make an Italian Soda Bar
Ice Cream Sundae Bar
Yogurt Bar + Yogurt Toppings Ideas
If you merely wish to avoid intoxication, then you can use many ingredients with a trace amount of alcohol, such as ordinary extracts or bitters that are herbal concoctions preserved in alcohol, and de-alcoholized beverages. I'm a big fan of Itty Bitters, and Vena's Fizz House also carries excellent syrups. My partner adores gourmet nonalcoholic beers, which are excellent for cooking.
If you expect to serve people who can tolerate zero alcohol for whatever reason, then you'll need to source alcohol-free materials instead. Glycerin is an alternative carrier for extracts and bitters. Halal (Islamic) supplies are an excellent resource for alcohol-free drink-mixing or cooking.
seeking inspiration...
Date: 2023-02-09 05:00 am (UTC)Just so yo know, I'm definitely *not* a writer. And I'm not sure what direction I want to go with this, so I'd like to get some thoughts from others to help me on my way. Could be anything - emotional connections, types of touches, situations that are platonic (or not so platonic), etc.
For now I'm going to start setting up a blanket fort in the cuddle room. Feel free to pop in and curl up for a bit. =]
Re: seeking inspiration...
Date: 2023-02-09 05:20 am (UTC)Go for it!
>> Just so yo know, I'm definitely *not* a writer. <<
Nobody starts out as a writer. It's something you learn by doing it.
>> And I'm not sure what direction I want to go with this, so I'd like to get some thoughts from others to help me on my way. Could be anything - emotional connections, types of touches, situations that are platonic (or not so platonic), etc.<<
I've written about Nonsexual Intimacies and Skin Hunger that you may find helpful.
Writing contact comfort is primarily about describing sensory experiences. So it helps to choose an activity, or a series of related activities, and then describe in detail what that is like through the different senses.
https://awriterwithin.com/use-the-five-senses-and-make-your-characters-come-alive/
https://awriterwithin.com/how-to-use-the-sense-of-smell-in-your-writing/
https://awriterwithin.com/how-to-use-the-sense-of-touch-in-your-writing/
https://awriterwithin.com/how-to-use-the-sense-of-taste-in-your-writing/
https://awriterwithin.com/how-to-use-the-sense-of-hearing-in-your-writing/
https://awriterwithin.com/how-to-use-the-sense-of-sight-in-your-writing/
Some possibilities:
* snuggling in a blanket with a warm drink during a storm
* petting a purring cat
* a relaxing foot rub
* Pick a position from The Cuddle Sutra.
>>For now I'm going to start setting up a blanket fort in the cuddle room. Feel free to pop in and curl up for a bit. =]
*flop* *snuggle*
Re: seeking inspiration...
Date: 2023-02-09 11:17 pm (UTC)The post on Skin Hunger I read a while back - that's where I learned there was a term for some of the things I felt were missing but couldn't explain in words. I'll probably re-read it, and I'm looking forward to perusing the Nonsexual Intimacies post and the Cuddle Sutra link as well.
I think the how-to links are going to be a big help too. My ability to be descriptive is pretty much limited to what I put in emails at work. XD
And, since you hung around the fort for a bit...
*hugsnugglecuddle* =]