ysabetwordsmith | What Is Skin Hunger?

As part of the three_weeks_for_dw project (running April 25-May 15), I'm posting some content just to Dreamwidth. This is a good opportunity to seek new readers for your blog and new blogs to read, and to recommend stuff you enjoy on other people's blogs to help them make new connections too. Skip ahead to "Touch Aversion," "Primates Need Touch," "Self-Soothing and Self-Control," "Compassion and Gentleness," "Creating Safe Space," "Building Trust," "Healthy Vulnerability," "Coping with Emotional Drop."

"What Is Skin Hunger?"

Skin hunger is a need for healthy touch.* It does not have to be sexual. Often nonsexual touch proves more satisfying, although many people try to meet skin hunger with sex. The real need is for caring contact. It may feel intimate even if it is nonsexual, especially if someone has gone a long time with little or no touching.

This is a natural need for humans in particular, but it also occurs in most primates and many other animals. Nurturing touch is especially crucial for children. They can actually wither, or even die, without enough skin contact. This is often described as "failure to thrive."

In a society that's increasingly touch-phobic, that means many people do not meet this basic survival need. They shy away from each other for fear of lawsuit or other reasons. This especially denies children caring touch from teachers or other caregivers -- which is child abuse, frankly, because it can cause measurable physical and emotional harm. Someone lacking healthy touch is more vulnerable to unhealthy touch, much as starving people will eat garbage in an attempt to survive. People need to regain an awareness of positive touch.

The "untouchable people" in society most often suffer from skin hunger. These include children outside of families, senior citizens, poor people, and those with almost any kind of disability. Other types of social isolation have similar effects. The lack of contact can cause depression, physical malaise, and other problems.

Touch has many physical and emotional benefits. It helps people feel connected to themselves and each other. It relaxes the skin and the muscles underneath. It soothes the mind. When you touch someone in a positive way, both of you benefit from the contact.

Are you touch starved? Think about how often you touch people or they touch you. List the different types of contact you experience on a typical day. Count how many people you touch regularly. If those lists aren't very long, you might be touch starved.

There are many ways to feed skin hunger. Cuddle parties are gaining popularity in cities. The Cuddle Sutra offers ideas on poses. Hug Therapy is a book on affectionate touch.

What are some of your thoughts about skin hunger and healthy touch?

-----

* Touch is a prevailing need for the human species. However, some individuals do not identify as human, or have a physical or psychological aversion to touch. People may have a very low or very high need for touch, and it's okay for that to be a range. I'll deal with touch aversion in another post.

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From:

gingicat

I love the idea of making connections, but one of the things I love about Dreamwidth is the de-emphasis on "friending" and the differentiation between reading and granting access. Do you think there's a way I can say this to th community moderator without harshing squee?

(And of course I've forwarded this to someone who needs to see it.)

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> I love the idea of making connections, but one of the things I love about Dreamwidth is the de-emphasis on "friending" and the differentiation between reading and granting access. <<

Yes, that's very useful.

>> Do you think there's a way I can say this to the community moderator without harshing squee? <<

You might point out the difference in Dreamwidth's structure, and encourage people to take advantage of its specifics since the whole point of this event is for Dreamwidth. Almost certainly what happened is that people took "friending meme" as an established phrase from other services, without stopping to consider the local dynamics.

>> (And of course I've forwarded this to someone who needs to see it.) <<

Thanks! I appreciate the signal boost.

From:

raze

I have a sensory processing disorder and find the majority of touch unpleasant and affronting; without being given fair warning that I am about to be touched, my reaction is anywhere from frightened to physically violent. I have bitten people as an adult for placing their hand on my shoulder as a gut, animal fear reaction. With fair warning, I will grimly tolerate it the way people allow a dentist to drill their teeth, but overall the experience is extremely unpleasant and results in a strong urge to escape being touched - even if contact is being made by a loved one. Touch starved? Probably. But the psychological torment of being touched due to my SPD complicates touch as a "need."

One thing I have noticed in myself and in talking to other people with SPD or other disorders that make them leery of touch is that certain types of NON-human touch or tactile stimulus can be pleasant. For example, I have a friend with a severe enough SPD that she does not tolerate people or animals touching her, but there are a few textures she enjoys playing with and rubbing on her skin. Myself and several people I know may not like being touched by people but enjoy snuggling up with furry mammals, birds, or reptiles. Personally, I find one of the most comfortable sensations to be a snake - smooth, cool, slow-moving pressure.

Edited Date: 2013-04-25 10:33 am (UTC)

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>I have a sensory processing disorder and find the majority of touch unpleasant and affronting<<

I'm planning to do a post on touch aversion. This is why I try to avoid saying things like "universal need."

>> Touch starved? Probably. But the psychological torment of being touched due to my SPD complicates touch as a "need." <<

Touch may be classified as a human need, because there are measurable negative consequences of touch starvation which affect a prevailing amount of the human population. That said, individuals have varying amounts of need for touch and kinds of touch. Everyone needs to eat; some individuals have allergies to common foods, such as wheat, or need something that is toxic to most people, such as arsenic. The same is true with touch; some people's parameters are unusual. Sometimes the human need for touch is there alongside the aversion, creating a conflict of needs.

>>One thing I have noticed in myself and in talking to other people with SPD or other disorders that make them leery of touch is that certain types of NON-human touch or tactile stimulus can be pleasant.<<

It's important to practice self-awareness and find ways of meeting your needs, even if they are different from what is usual.

And of course, if someone isn't human but only wearing a mostly-human body and passing, their parameters may be really different. I've seen that too.

From:

ysabetwordsmith - Date: 2013-04-28 01:19 am (UTC) - Expand

From: (Anonymous)

omg i have ADHD and fibromyalgia, and i've had the pain/startle response to touch my entire life!

Re: Need: it's complicated.

From:

ysabetwordsmith - Date: 2016-10-03 05:04 am (UTC) - Expand

From:

jarandhel

I'm somewhat weird - I do crave touch, very much. Much more so than most people I know. But only from those I'm very close to. I could spend all day in full body contact with some of the people I consider my chosen family - the more skin touching the better - but the idea of "cuddle parties" with people I don't know, or even with social acquaintances I'm not as close with, makes my skin crawl.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>I'm somewhat weird - I do crave touch, very much. Much more so than most people I know. But only from those I'm very close to.<<

I think many people prefer touch with people they know, rather than casual acquaintances or strangers.

>>but the idea of "cuddle parties" with people I don't know, or even with social acquaintances I'm not as close with, makes my skin crawl.<<

Based on what I've read, the cuddle parties primarily cater to people whose skin hunger outranks their boundaries. Either they have high skin hunger and moderate boundaries, or very low boundaries in the first place and skin hunger higher than that.

From:

serpentine

See, I know I'm touch-starved, but I also don't trust people to touch me unless I already know them because of how sensitive I am to touch. I crave it a lot, but I won't let other people touch me unless there's a connection there already.

(Also, I may have also yelled at people for touching me without letting me know.)

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>See, I know I'm touch-starved, but I also don't trust people to touch me unless I already know them because of how sensitive I am to touch.<<

Need for touch and tolerance of touch vary among different people. It often interacts with sensitivity, as for you. So some people have a high need and are comfortable being touched by many people; others have a lower need or more complicated requirements.

It's important to be aware of your body and what feels good to you. The key is healthy touch, not unwanted groping, even if other people think the groping is "good for you."

Re: Yes...

From:

serpentine - Date: 2013-04-26 03:25 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Yes...

From:

ysabetwordsmith - Date: 2013-04-26 03:34 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Yes...

From:

serpentine - Date: 2013-04-26 04:19 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: Yes...

From:

ysabetwordsmith - Date: 2013-04-26 07:42 am (UTC) - Expand

From:

snippy

I am all about the verbal negotiation for touch, which causes me endless problems with...not the people who don't want touch, but the ones who think I must not care because I ASK FIRST. Including one of my partners, whose ideal intimacy is non-verbal touch--apparently being verbal breaks down the sensations for zir.

Basically, my default for nearly every kind of meatspace conversation, touch, interaction, etc. is to start with "Is this a good time for me to ask you about some X?"

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>I am all about the verbal negotiation for touch, which causes me endless problems with...not the people who don't want touch, but the ones who think I must not care because I ASK FIRST.<<

There is a divergence between "ask culture" and "hint culture."
http://ozarque.livejournal.com/463460.html
http://squid314.livejournal.com/334269.html

Some people prefer to communicate verbally, others nonverbally. Both can be wrong, or right. Both can annoy people, especially those of the opposite style.

It's okay to set rules for yourself about whether and how people are allowed to touch you.

>>Basically, my default for nearly every kind of meatspace conversation, touch, interaction, etc. is to start with "Is this a good time for me to ask you about some X?"<<

Works for me, as long as you fill in the X. One thing that drives me nuts is people not giving me enough information to answer a question. I can usually get it from a topic. But if it's just "Do you have a minute?" then the answer will be different if I'll need to get up from the computer than if I don't, or if it's a complicated conversation rather than a short joke.

(deleted comment)

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> Thank you for this. <<

You're welcome!

>> I'm studying massage therapy, and I agree that for many (especially here in the US, where we maintain a high degree of personal space etc.) we need to be touched more. <<

Keep an eye out for subsequent posts in this series, then. Much of it will be useful to you.

It bothers me that massage is so conflicted in America. People associate it with sex, so there are attacks on its legality at all. Then in order to make it "okay" it's placed in a clinical environment, which often makes it extremely expensive to practice and makes it unaffordable and/or unappealing to many people.

What we really need is to teach everyone the practice of loving touch with a variety of options, so it isn't something you need a professional for unless you have a specific health condition that needs more serious therapeutic massage.

Which is, alas, unlikely to happen in a country founded by Puritans.

From:

shoaling_souls

I think I have both. I don't remember the last time a human touched me, not counting the brief touch on the palm of the hand as money is given to the cashier or change is given back to me. It must be several months. But the cats touch me and that is enough, really. I do remember times longing for touch in the past.

Most of my body doesn't like being touched but there are a few places that do like it. And it does matter who is doing the touching, usually. I complained recently "my clothes are touching me :("

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>I think I have both.<<

That can happen, yes.

>> But the cats touch me and that is enough, really. <<

Plenty of folks who are not fond of human touch have some other kind they like, often animals. It works.

>> And it does matter who is doing the touching, usually. I complained recently "my clothes are touching me :(" <<

I can't stand scratchy or constricting clothes; I dress first for comfort. Just the cloth contact doesn't usually bother me, though, if the cloth itself is acceptable.

From:

sylvaine

I never really noticed how much skin hunger I have until I moved away from home to university - my family & high school friends are all very touchy-feely, and I didn't realize that's a thing I *need* until I didn't have it anymore.

The other thing about touch that I notice about myself is that I'm not always comfortable with it. When I initiate it, yeah, or when people ask me beforehand, usually, but frequently when my sisters hug me I feel rather a strong urge to get away. Which always seems rather hypocritical to me. :/

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>I never really noticed how much skin hunger I have until I moved away from home to university - my family & high school friends are all very touchy-feely, and I didn't realize that's a thing I *need* until I didn't have it anymore.<<

That often happens. Some places, touch is very easy to get, but in others it's almost impossible. There are very few routes for fixing this if you suddenly realize that you need more touch, and most of them cost more money than people can readily afford.

>>The other thing about touch that I notice about myself is that I'm not always comfortable with it.<<

Most people seem to have a range. They may be comfortable when they touch, but not when others touch them; or with only one sex/gender; or only with friends, family, and other people close to them.

>> When I initiate it, yeah, or when people ask me beforehand, usually, but frequently when my sisters hug me I feel rather a strong urge to get away. Which always seems rather hypocritical to me. :/ <<

You're entitled to your feelings. Sometimes feelings are weird and inexplicable. The key is to express them and work with them, without hurting other people.

From:

chanter1944

You already know, thanks to backchannel discussions on this subject, that I'm going to be grateful for these posts going up. Saying it here just the same, though. Thank you!!

With me, and my status as one of society's untouchables due to disability, there's been a bit of a feedback loop in the past, touch-wise. I'm not expecting someone to touch me, so I squeak or twitch or try to flinch away, which creates negative associations in my own head and makes people less likely to touch me at the same time. Add to that the fact that a lot of the contact I had growing up was in a parent-child realm - either firm, as in a guiding hand or a grip on the shoulder 'pay attention over here', or lighter but still associated with authority figures interacting appropriately with children - and you get an adult who craves touch but may be skittish of it at the same time. I tend to be the one who initiates contact in casual situations; I'm a hugger if allowed, for example.

It's only been recently that I've started realizing that certain kinds of touch, or certain dynamics connected with it, make me skittish. Your touch-aversion post and the linked information helped with that one, actually. As for skin hunger itself... remind me never to get to the point where my own high sense of propriety is overridden by my need again. It was *bad*. Thank goodness for wonderful friends who understand what the heck is going on, including needs not being fulfilled in one instance.

One last thing: cuddle parties would probably make me uncomfortable, as that level of touch with someone I don't know wouldn't work for me. I've avoided massage in the past for the same reason; I don't know the person offering well enough.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> You already know, thanks to backchannel discussions on this subject, that I'm going to be grateful for these posts going up. Saying it here just the same, though. Thank you!! <<

I'm glad I could help.

>>With me, and my status as one of society's untouchables due to disability, there's been a bit of a feedback loop in the past, touch-wise. I'm not expecting someone to touch me, so I squeak or twitch or try to flinch away, which creates negative associations in my own head and makes people less likely to touch me at the same time. <<

Yeah, that's not good. Lack of touch can create touch aversion on top of skin hunger. Doubleplusungood.

>> I tend to be the one who initiates contact in casual situations; I'm a hugger if allowed, for example. <<

That's a good idea.

>>It's only been recently that I've started realizing that certain kinds of touch, or certain dynamics connected with it, make me skittish.<<

It helps to think about things. The more you understand about yourself, your feelings, your choices, your reactions...the better you can meet your needs.

>> Your touch-aversion post and the linked information helped with that one, actually. <<

Yay!

>>As for skin hunger itself... remind me never to get to the point where my own high sense of propriety is overridden by my need again. It was *bad*. Thank goodness for wonderful friends who understand what the heck is going on, including needs not being fulfilled in one instance. <<

I'm glad you were able to find someone, and I hope that you can keep that up. Touch starvation does bad bad things to people.

>>One last thing: cuddle parties would probably make me uncomfortable, as that level of touch with someone I don't know wouldn't work for me. I've avoided massage in the past for the same reason; I don't know the person offering well enough.<<

It depends on the person, I think -- some folks feel that they can get to know someone well enough after a few minutes chatting at a party to be comfortable cuddling. Others, not so much.

I'm variable. In most situations, I don't like crowds and I'm mindful of my perimeter. But at a science fiction convention or a Pagan gathering, I'm much more gregarious. There's a much higher chance that the people around me will be compatible, and I'm quicker to cozy up.

Re: You're welcome!

From:

chanter1944 - Date: 2013-04-28 06:08 am (UTC) - Expand

Re: You're welcome!

From:

ysabetwordsmith - Date: 2013-04-28 06:46 am (UTC) - Expand

From:

redsixwing

This entry and its comments are fascinating, so thank you for that.

I'm skittish of touch from most everyone, friends and loved ones included, but have recently been thinking I want more of it. I don't know if it's a need (but wants presenting the way this one is presenting often are) but either way, I'm running into a conflict of boundary and desire, and it's rather uncomfortable.

It doesn't help that, like many of the other folks in this thread, my body does not have the things I'd want to use to express that desire, and the ways I am likely to express are nonstandard. (Gentle headbutts, requesting to be scratched on the head/ears/back, 'preening' someone's hair, for instance, though usually with fingers and not lips.)

Do you mind if I follow you here?

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>This entry and its comments are fascinating, so thank you for that.<<

I'm glad I could help.

>>I'm skittish of touch from most everyone, friends and loved ones included, but have recently been thinking I want more of it.<<

Once you've identified a goal, it's easier to make progress, even if the steps aren't obvious.

>> I don't know if it's a need (but wants presenting the way this one is presenting often are) but either way, I'm running into a conflict of boundary and desire, and it's rather uncomfortable. <<

In such cases, one good approach is to go as far as you feel comfortable, take one more step, and then back off. That helps stretch the boundary gradually over time, which is usually safe.

>>It doesn't help that, like many of the other folks in this thread, my body does not have the things I'd want to use to express that desire, <<

That's always frustrating, and there is little to be done about it.

>>and the ways I am likely to express are nonstandard. (Gentle headbutts, requesting to be scratched on the head/ears/back, 'preening' someone's hair, for instance, though usually with fingers and not lips.)<<

Different people are comfortable with different things. Back-scratching at least is fairly common. The others may require more effort to find someone compatible for that activity. But if you ask around you may find folks who are willing and able to meet those needs. You might also look for places that attract like-minded and flexible people, in case you need some new friends.

>>Do you mind if I follow you here?<<

Go ahead! It sounds like we have some common interests. I was hoping to attract some new readers by posting in Three Weeks for Dreamwidth.

From:

jeshyr

Here's me very belatedly reading your 3w4dw posts, but I found this post and the comments section very informative!

By necessity, I have to put up with a lot of "medical touch" which is characterised by being very very impersonal and usually done with latex or nitrile type gloves. I found that it counts *negatively* towards my "touch quota" for the day - in that having to put up with this medical touching actually increases my need and desire for ... I'm not sure how to phrase it but "genuine touch" I guess. Touch by my massage therapist (which is not impersonal at all) counts positively, casual touches count positively, and hugs and such of course ... I've never seen anybody else talk about how medical touch figures into the whole deal for them though.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>Here's me very belatedly reading your 3w4dw posts, but I found this post and the comments section very informative!<<

Yay! I'm happy to hear that.

>>I found that it counts *negatively* towards my "touch quota" for the day - in that having to put up with this medical touching actually increases my need and desire for ... I'm not sure how to phrase it but "genuine touch" I guess.<<

That's true for many people. Others find that it exacerbates touch aversion. Or both.

Some facilities have realized this and have staff to provide compassionate touch. It's worth asking about if you're in a big facility that can support specialized care a smaller one couldn't.

From: (Anonymous)

Hello, gnömchen here.
I found this in in "touching moments" during yet another reread of the series.
I have rather high skin hunger and for a long time I tried to squash it down because I thought it was childish (one of the reasons why moving out of my parents home didn't work very well). So, first of all thank you for giving me a better understanding on the subject.
Now however, I wonder how I can talk to other people about my needs. Do you have any tips for telling your friends you want to touch them more? I am scared they will think of it in sexual terms. Also, in the long term, I plan to either join or start a living community. Is there a way to tell people about the issue up front, or should I wait until I know them better?
Always looking forward to new chapters, even if commenting is often difficult for me. Your writing is awesome:)

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> I found this in in "touching moments" during yet another reread of the series. <<

Yay!

>> I have rather high skin hunger and for a long time I tried to squash it down because I thought it was childish (one of the reasons why moving out of my parents home didn't work very well). <<

I'm sorry to hear that.

>> So, first of all thank you for giving me a better understanding on the subject. <<

Glad I could help with this, though.

>> Now however, I wonder how I can talk to other people about my needs. <<

Okay, there are lots of options. Try to figure out which will suit the personality for each of your friends.

>> Do you have any tips for telling your friends you want to touch them more? <<

If you want to touch them, good options include massage and some other personal-grooming things such as hair braiding. Getting them to touch you can be a little trickier, but there are certain socially approved options like asking someone to put sunscreen on you. Games like Twister or People Puzzle are also good. These are things can have plausible deniability, where you can get a need met without having to explain it in detail.

With close friends, however, you may get more bang for your buck by being open about your skin hunger. You could start the conversation by talking about any of the articles you've read on skin hunger or healthy touch, if you're not sure about the personal connection. Or you could tell close friends that you feel a need for more skin contact.

My best recommendation is massage, though. You can learn how to give a good backrub or foot rub in a few minutes. Most people love it. Nobody has to take their clothes off (although massage does provide more therapeutic results with bare skin). The thing about massage is, if you're in a group of people who reasonably know each other or are gregarious, once you start rubbing one person's feet there will soon be a line. Just listen for someone to whine about their muscles hurting -- it's a ubiquitous complaint -- and offer a rub.

>> I am scared they will think of it in sexual terms. <<

To some extent this can be avoided by keeping clothes on or aiming for semi-public body parts such as shoulders, hands, or feet. If the topic comes up, explain that you are interested in nonsexual contact and don't feel that sexual activity would meet your needs at this time. Anyone who can't grasp that is not going to be much use to you in this project. (A lot of people have trouble distinguishing what is and is not sexual. It's a problem, but it's their problem.)

>> Also, in the long term, I plan to either join or start a living community. <<

Yay!

>> Is there a way to tell people about the issue up front, or should I wait until I know them better? <<

If you're looking for a community, I recommend that you check the Federation for Intentional Communities resources and use their directory to find promising places. As far as I know, they won't have communities marked by touch but ...

* communards in general tend to be gregarious, cuddly people

* you can look for communities that teach things such as massage, yoga, cob building, or other tactile activities

* nudist communities tend to be relaxed about bodies

* and who knows, you might find one mentioning cuddle sessions or touch starvation after all; there's a community theme for darn near everything.

Research communities before you try to start one, even on a small one-house scale. It will save you many headaches. Talk with your friends about healthy touch before you try to launch a household with it. You'll learn what works and what doesn't.

But then go for it. There are tons of lonely, touch-starved people out there. Cities have cuddle parties to treat this. You'd be meeting a desperate need. It's a tricky area to navigate because, as I said earlier, many people also have trouble separating sexual from nonsexual activities. I think it's doable though.

Oh, and get a subscription to Communities magazine. It has a lot of brilliant advice about community life, how to make it work, and managing relationships.

>> Always looking forward to new chapters, even if commenting is often difficult for me. Your writing is awesome:) <<

Thank you! Feedback is always welcome, but never required.

From: (Anonymous)

So, I'm pretty sure I've got strong skin hunger, but I also have a problem. I have some trust and anxiety issues, and it makes touch more of a stressor than a pleasure. It's sort of stupid, because my best friends of around 7 years are quite tactile, but I've convinced them to avoid touching me because of my stress. It makes me feel like my skin is prickling and crawling, but I feel isolated aching for it. Reading about Clint's problem made me feel a bit better, but I still dunno what to do.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> So, I'm pretty sure I've got strong skin hunger, but I also have a problem. <<

Okay.

>> I have some trust and anxiety issues, and it makes touch more of a stressor than a pleasure. <<

Trust issues may be handled with trustbuilding exercises and time. Some are used for teambuilding, others for couples counseling. Start by listing anything that already feels good and safe for you; do that, and look for ways to expand the area.
http://www.huddle.com/blog/team-building-exercises/
https://www.mylifestages.org/health/sexual_health/couples_exercise_for_intimacy.page

Anxiety issues may be handled with coping skills for calm. Full-body yoga and hand mudras are great for this, but there are lots of other options.
http://www.yogajournal.com/category/poses/yoga-by-benefit/anxiety/
http://innerpeacemassage.com/sixmudras.html
http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-small-steps-you-can-take-today-to-improve-anxiety-symptoms/00016637
http://bis-confidencecoaching.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/cwc-infographic-stress-relief-activities.png

>> It's sort of stupid, <<

It is probably NOT stupid. If touch makes you feel anxious then there is something going on that you need to address. Maybe people hurt you in the past. Maybe your body is hypersensitive for physical reasons. These are things you can work on, but they won't get fixed with wishing. You have to figure out what is wrong and why, then how to make it stop bugging you. If you can't figure it out by yourself, consider seeking help, preferably from a professional experienced with touch issues.

>> because my best friends of around 7 years are quite tactile, <<

Well, that's great! You have people right there who would probably be thrilled to help you work on your touch boundaries.

>> but I've convinced them to avoid touching me because of my stress. <<

:( It is good that they respect your boundaries, but it sucks that you can't tolerate the kind of touch you want.

>> It makes me feel like my skin is prickling and crawling, but I feel isolated aching for it. <<

Okay, that could have a physical component. Some people find that touch -- especially light touch -- is unpleasant or even painful. Others feel uncomfortable if they are penned in or held down. Try to think what exactly makes you feel bad, and if anything makes you feel good.

If light touch is the problem, some folks have found help from:
* squeeze or hug chairs
http://wendyjacob.net/?page_id=123
* weighted blankets
http://www.sensorydirect.com/weighted-blankets.html
* brushing skin with special brushes
http://www.nationalautismresources.com/wilbarger-protocol.html
* tactile toys or other sensory stimuli
https://www.therapyshoppe.com/category/1054-tactile-fidgets-fidget-sensory-tactile-stress-quiet-calming-toys

If you hate being hemmed in, make sure you are on the outside of cuddle piles and that nobody grabs you or lies on top of you. Some people feel safer if they are the ones to initiate any touching.

>> Reading about Clint's problem made me feel a bit better, but I still dunno what to do. <<

I'm glad that helped! If you haven't already read the links, I highly recommend doing that. There are lots of resources in this article series and in Love Is For Children that deal with touch issues. Not just Clint's stories but the ones about Bruce-and-Hulk too. Even Tony, in some places.

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