Story: "Touching Moments" (Part 1 of 8)
Mar. 25th, 2013 12:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Saudades," and "Turnabout Is Fair Play."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, JARVIS, Betty Ross.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: No standard warnings apply.
Summary: Clint messes up his back while testing some new archery equipment. Bruce offers to fix his back for him.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Teamwork. Flangst. Fear of vulnerability. Trust issues. Skin hunger. Hurt/comfort. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Non-sexual ageplay. Cuteness. Personal growth. Family of choice.
If you've been reading this series for the fluffy ageplay, that's the last two parts of the story. There's a bit of angst up front and then a great deal of mostly soothing bodywork in the middle.
A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me."
Skip to Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8.
There is now a sequel, "Splash."
"Touching Moments" Part 1 of 8
Phil was finishing lunch with Bruce in the common kitchen when Clint and Tony came in, discussing the new archery equipment that Tony had made for Clint. "So now that you've gotten a chance to shoot for a few hours, what do you think?" Tony asked.
"I love the EMP arrowheads and the armor-piercing ones. Not as sure about the harness, but the selection feature on the quiver is definitely more user-friendly," Clint said, rolling his shoulders under the straps.
"You happy with the grab function on the EMPs now?" Tony said.
"Yeah, I like the magnetic tip in addition to the spring-claws," Clint said. "It's definitely worth the slight increase in weight, because almost anything I need EMPs for will attract a magnet."
"That should help a lot, Tony," said Phil. "Thank you for taking the time to improve Hawkeye's gear." Last week a rampaging robot spider had nearly crushed Captain America because the team had counted on an EMP arrow frying its circuitry. The arrow had struck true but the grip function had failed.
"I live to make the cool toys," Tony said with a grin.
"You make the coolest toys ever," Clint said. He linked his fingers together behind his head and stretched to the right, then further to the left. "Stark tech outperforms SHIELD almost every time."
"Almost?" Tony said, clutching his arc reactor. "Cut me to the quick, Legolas!"
"You're too sensitive, cupcake," Clint said as he flexed his shoulders.
"Are you all right, Clint?" asked Bruce, pushing away his empty salad bowl.
Phil swept an appraising gaze over Clint. He didn't see any sign of injury, but he trusted Bruce's observational skills. "Talk to me, Clint," he said.
Clint shrugged, paused, and rubbed a hand over his left shoulderblade. "Ah, it's nothing, I'm a little stiff from practice is all."
"From a measly three hours of practice?" Tony said with a frown. "I've seen you go twice that without flinching. Something must be wrong."
"Your movements after shooting usually look more fluid," Bruce said. "This isn't like you."
"It'll wear off," Clint insisted. "I just need to stretch out a little more."
"Tony's right, Clint, a three-hour session shouldn't faze you," Phil said. He'd seen Hawkeye shoot for considerably longer, or climb down from a bird's nest perfectly supple after remaining in position all day.
"Turn around so I can see the rigging," Tony said, pulling Clint into place to look at his equipment from behind. "I need feedback, Robin Hood. Without input about what specifically works or does not work, I can't deliver the best goods in the world. Most you'll get is quasi-terrific." Sensitive engineer's fingers traced meticulously along the straps and down the line of the quiver where it rested against Clint's shirt. "In fact, take this off, it's trash, I'll figure out what's wrong and fix it."
"I could give you --" Bruce began.
"Thanks but no thanks, doc. I hate muscle relaxants, they mess up my reflexes. If I'm not screaming, I don't need 'em," Clint said. He started to unfasten the straps.
"-- a backrub, is what I meant. I could actually fix this by hand," Bruce said. "It's probably just knotted muscles and lactic acid buildup. At least let me take a look." He got up to examine Clint's back. Just as Bruce put a hand on Clint's shoulder to push him into a better position, Tony peeled back one of the velcro tabs with a loud ripping sound.
Clint jerked away, spinning to press his back against the nearest wall, one hand automatically reaching for the fletch of an arrow even though he didn't have his bow. "Don't do that," he said tightly. "I don't like having anyone right behind me, especially more than one person."
"It's okay," Bruce said, spreading his hands.
"Take it easy," Tony said at the same time. He flattened his hands over his thighs, because palms-forward was actually an attack position for him.
"Sorry, I'm sorry, it's just -- bad memories, yeah?" Clint said. He gave Phil a pleading look.
"A sniper's hyperfocus on target can leave him vulnerable to attack from other directions," Phil explained quietly. "One time in Tuzla, three men dropped on top of Hawkeye from a higher balcony and dragged him away from his post. It took us two hours to extract him, and by then he wasn't in very good shape."
Tony held out a hand and snapped his fingers. "Give me the gear, Cupid," he said. "I'll go work the problem from that end." Slowly Clint shrugged out of his harness and held out the quiver for Tony to take. It took a few extra seconds for Clint to make his fingers uncurl. Tony waited. Only when Clint pulled his hand back did Tony sling the straps over his shoulder and head for his lab.
Clint sidled over to the table and sat down next to Phil, leaning against his shoulder. "This could turn into a problem, working with a team," he muttered, guilt thickening his voice.
"It could," Phil said. "Hasn't yet, though. Don't beat up on yourself."
"How can I not? It's stupid," Clint said. "I know nobody on the team means me any kind of harm. It's just -- Tony was pulling on me, and Bruce was pushing, and velcro sounds like cloth tearing, and -- well. My head went to a bad place. I need that not to happen if I'm going to be around this many people on a regular basis."
"Maybe I can help with that too. The Other Guy hates people flanking him, for rather similar reasons," Bruce said. "Clint? If I sit beside you instead of standing behind you, would that be okay? I'd still like to check your back."
"It's fine, I'm fine," Clint said. He slumped forward, elbows on the table, then rested his face in his hands.
"We need you to be honest with us, Clint," said Phil, because Clint obviously was not fine.
"Okay, so, my back's a bit sore and I'm twitchy," Clint admitted. "Sitting beside me won't make it any worse."
* * *
Notes:
EMP stands for "electromagnetic pulse," a way of disabling technology.
Legolas is a character from The Lord of the Rings, a stealthy hunter and skilled climber. Tony often uses nicknames for Clint based on famous archers.
Isometric exercise is a way to use muscles without moving: a secret trick for avoiding stiffness while remaining still. Hunters do this, especially in tree stands or duck blinds. Clint knows how to stay flexible while sniping, so if he stiffens up, people know something must be wrong.
Robin Hood is a legendary archer with trickster qualities.
Bruce's offer to help, and his quick recoil when Clint jerks away, are examples of his fawn response. Many abused children feel a driving need to be of use, and respond submissively to threats, in hopes of getting hurt less.
Hyperfocus is a narrowing of attention, which tends to cut down wider aspects of situational awareness. Or in gaming terms: if you boost your offensive capability, it lowers your defensive capability.
Tuzla is a city in Herzegovina.
Cupid is a god of desire and sexual love, commonly portrayed with a bow and arrow. Most people have forgotten that in addition to the famous arrows of love (tipped with gold and fletched with dove feathers) he also carries the arrows of indifference (tipped with lead and fletched with owl feathers). That's very apt for this asexual version of Clint -- and Tony probably knows that, because nothing about weaponry ever escapes his attention.
Flashbacks are memories or fragments of previous experiences which recur in the present, sometimes randomly but usually in response to a trigger that bears some similarity to earlier trauma. Literary depictions favor the full-immersion variety that entails "reliving" the stressful event; that's not the most common, and portrayals of this delicate topic are patchy. What happens to Clint is far more typical: a sudden feeling of panic and threat triggered by a reminder, in this case the close proximity of people and the sound of velcro. Flashbacks rank among the primary symptoms of PTSD, although they can occur in other contexts. It's important to know your triggers -- the Avengers are doing a good job of learning the different things that set each other off so they can avoid stepping on those. It's also helpful to talk about the problem before it activates, so people know what to do. What helps one person may not work for another. There are ways to help someone having a flashback, and steps to pull yourself out of a flashback. Relaxation techniques may also help.
Personal problems can become collective problems when they affect teamwork. There are tips for employers and tips for employees for dealing with private issues that come up in public space. Team culture is important for effective work in many situations, and it takes work to maintain when things go wrong. Solving collective problems requires involving the people most affected by them. In this story you can see examples of how people may tough it out on their own as long as an issue only affects them individually, but look for a solution when it starts interfering with the team.
[To be continued in Part 2 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, JARVIS, Betty Ross.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: No standard warnings apply.
Summary: Clint messes up his back while testing some new archery equipment. Bruce offers to fix his back for him.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Teamwork. Flangst. Fear of vulnerability. Trust issues. Skin hunger. Hurt/comfort. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Non-sexual ageplay. Cuteness. Personal growth. Family of choice.
If you've been reading this series for the fluffy ageplay, that's the last two parts of the story. There's a bit of angst up front and then a great deal of mostly soothing bodywork in the middle.
A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me."
Skip to Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8.
There is now a sequel, "Splash."
"Touching Moments" Part 1 of 8
Phil was finishing lunch with Bruce in the common kitchen when Clint and Tony came in, discussing the new archery equipment that Tony had made for Clint. "So now that you've gotten a chance to shoot for a few hours, what do you think?" Tony asked.
"I love the EMP arrowheads and the armor-piercing ones. Not as sure about the harness, but the selection feature on the quiver is definitely more user-friendly," Clint said, rolling his shoulders under the straps.
"You happy with the grab function on the EMPs now?" Tony said.
"Yeah, I like the magnetic tip in addition to the spring-claws," Clint said. "It's definitely worth the slight increase in weight, because almost anything I need EMPs for will attract a magnet."
"That should help a lot, Tony," said Phil. "Thank you for taking the time to improve Hawkeye's gear." Last week a rampaging robot spider had nearly crushed Captain America because the team had counted on an EMP arrow frying its circuitry. The arrow had struck true but the grip function had failed.
"I live to make the cool toys," Tony said with a grin.
"You make the coolest toys ever," Clint said. He linked his fingers together behind his head and stretched to the right, then further to the left. "Stark tech outperforms SHIELD almost every time."
"Almost?" Tony said, clutching his arc reactor. "Cut me to the quick, Legolas!"
"You're too sensitive, cupcake," Clint said as he flexed his shoulders.
"Are you all right, Clint?" asked Bruce, pushing away his empty salad bowl.
Phil swept an appraising gaze over Clint. He didn't see any sign of injury, but he trusted Bruce's observational skills. "Talk to me, Clint," he said.
Clint shrugged, paused, and rubbed a hand over his left shoulderblade. "Ah, it's nothing, I'm a little stiff from practice is all."
"From a measly three hours of practice?" Tony said with a frown. "I've seen you go twice that without flinching. Something must be wrong."
"Your movements after shooting usually look more fluid," Bruce said. "This isn't like you."
"It'll wear off," Clint insisted. "I just need to stretch out a little more."
"Tony's right, Clint, a three-hour session shouldn't faze you," Phil said. He'd seen Hawkeye shoot for considerably longer, or climb down from a bird's nest perfectly supple after remaining in position all day.
"Turn around so I can see the rigging," Tony said, pulling Clint into place to look at his equipment from behind. "I need feedback, Robin Hood. Without input about what specifically works or does not work, I can't deliver the best goods in the world. Most you'll get is quasi-terrific." Sensitive engineer's fingers traced meticulously along the straps and down the line of the quiver where it rested against Clint's shirt. "In fact, take this off, it's trash, I'll figure out what's wrong and fix it."
"I could give you --" Bruce began.
"Thanks but no thanks, doc. I hate muscle relaxants, they mess up my reflexes. If I'm not screaming, I don't need 'em," Clint said. He started to unfasten the straps.
"-- a backrub, is what I meant. I could actually fix this by hand," Bruce said. "It's probably just knotted muscles and lactic acid buildup. At least let me take a look." He got up to examine Clint's back. Just as Bruce put a hand on Clint's shoulder to push him into a better position, Tony peeled back one of the velcro tabs with a loud ripping sound.
Clint jerked away, spinning to press his back against the nearest wall, one hand automatically reaching for the fletch of an arrow even though he didn't have his bow. "Don't do that," he said tightly. "I don't like having anyone right behind me, especially more than one person."
"It's okay," Bruce said, spreading his hands.
"Take it easy," Tony said at the same time. He flattened his hands over his thighs, because palms-forward was actually an attack position for him.
"Sorry, I'm sorry, it's just -- bad memories, yeah?" Clint said. He gave Phil a pleading look.
"A sniper's hyperfocus on target can leave him vulnerable to attack from other directions," Phil explained quietly. "One time in Tuzla, three men dropped on top of Hawkeye from a higher balcony and dragged him away from his post. It took us two hours to extract him, and by then he wasn't in very good shape."
Tony held out a hand and snapped his fingers. "Give me the gear, Cupid," he said. "I'll go work the problem from that end." Slowly Clint shrugged out of his harness and held out the quiver for Tony to take. It took a few extra seconds for Clint to make his fingers uncurl. Tony waited. Only when Clint pulled his hand back did Tony sling the straps over his shoulder and head for his lab.
Clint sidled over to the table and sat down next to Phil, leaning against his shoulder. "This could turn into a problem, working with a team," he muttered, guilt thickening his voice.
"It could," Phil said. "Hasn't yet, though. Don't beat up on yourself."
"How can I not? It's stupid," Clint said. "I know nobody on the team means me any kind of harm. It's just -- Tony was pulling on me, and Bruce was pushing, and velcro sounds like cloth tearing, and -- well. My head went to a bad place. I need that not to happen if I'm going to be around this many people on a regular basis."
"Maybe I can help with that too. The Other Guy hates people flanking him, for rather similar reasons," Bruce said. "Clint? If I sit beside you instead of standing behind you, would that be okay? I'd still like to check your back."
"It's fine, I'm fine," Clint said. He slumped forward, elbows on the table, then rested his face in his hands.
"We need you to be honest with us, Clint," said Phil, because Clint obviously was not fine.
"Okay, so, my back's a bit sore and I'm twitchy," Clint admitted. "Sitting beside me won't make it any worse."
* * *
Notes:
EMP stands for "electromagnetic pulse," a way of disabling technology.
Legolas is a character from The Lord of the Rings, a stealthy hunter and skilled climber. Tony often uses nicknames for Clint based on famous archers.
Isometric exercise is a way to use muscles without moving: a secret trick for avoiding stiffness while remaining still. Hunters do this, especially in tree stands or duck blinds. Clint knows how to stay flexible while sniping, so if he stiffens up, people know something must be wrong.
Robin Hood is a legendary archer with trickster qualities.
Bruce's offer to help, and his quick recoil when Clint jerks away, are examples of his fawn response. Many abused children feel a driving need to be of use, and respond submissively to threats, in hopes of getting hurt less.
Hyperfocus is a narrowing of attention, which tends to cut down wider aspects of situational awareness. Or in gaming terms: if you boost your offensive capability, it lowers your defensive capability.
Tuzla is a city in Herzegovina.
Cupid is a god of desire and sexual love, commonly portrayed with a bow and arrow. Most people have forgotten that in addition to the famous arrows of love (tipped with gold and fletched with dove feathers) he also carries the arrows of indifference (tipped with lead and fletched with owl feathers). That's very apt for this asexual version of Clint -- and Tony probably knows that, because nothing about weaponry ever escapes his attention.
Flashbacks are memories or fragments of previous experiences which recur in the present, sometimes randomly but usually in response to a trigger that bears some similarity to earlier trauma. Literary depictions favor the full-immersion variety that entails "reliving" the stressful event; that's not the most common, and portrayals of this delicate topic are patchy. What happens to Clint is far more typical: a sudden feeling of panic and threat triggered by a reminder, in this case the close proximity of people and the sound of velcro. Flashbacks rank among the primary symptoms of PTSD, although they can occur in other contexts. It's important to know your triggers -- the Avengers are doing a good job of learning the different things that set each other off so they can avoid stepping on those. It's also helpful to talk about the problem before it activates, so people know what to do. What helps one person may not work for another. There are ways to help someone having a flashback, and steps to pull yourself out of a flashback. Relaxation techniques may also help.
Personal problems can become collective problems when they affect teamwork. There are tips for employers and tips for employees for dealing with private issues that come up in public space. Team culture is important for effective work in many situations, and it takes work to maintain when things go wrong. Solving collective problems requires involving the people most affected by them. In this story you can see examples of how people may tough it out on their own as long as an issue only affects them individually, but look for a solution when it starts interfering with the team.
[To be continued in Part 2 ...]
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2013-04-28 08:23 am (UTC)That's okay, I still knew it was you.
>>The moment that hit me hardest? Was when he was talking to Natasha in the hut, and said something to the effect of 'we don't always get what we want' and then *rocked the cradle*.<<
That's one of mine too. Another is how he responded when Natasha pulled a gun on him. He was so clearly terrified of her, even though she's half his size and shooting him wouldn't have done any bit of good at all. He gives in so easily when threatened, if it's about someone making him do something he doesn't want to do rather than menacing a third party.
Why yes, let's set up two abuse survivors to go push all the triggers for each other. Because nothing could possibly go wrong with that.
>>Now, sure, you could take his words as 'yeah, I really don't want to go with you', and it's not even *wrong*, but that cradle move adds about ten more possible layers of subtext without Ruffalo having said a *thing*. <<
Sooth. And the way he kept moving his hands into mudras and almost-mudras, that was highly evocative too. I'm particularly impressed with the way he used the finger-steepling gesture, which is used to focus thought and is often performed by authority figures at chest height ... and dropped it down closer to belt level, a more submissive version. It's a nonverbal equivalent to how women in positions of rank often undermine themselves by saying, "Well, I could be wrong, but ..."
>>Goddamned genius, right there. And from everything I've heard since the movie came out, that moment was NOT scripted. Ruffalo just took advantage of a prop present.<<
I really have to wonder if he tuned into the characters themselves. Some actors do. Anyone playing The Joker gets warned by the guys who have played him before, because he's such an earwig that he's dangerous. I look at this portrayal of Bruce-and-Hulk, and it's so different than previous ones, so subtle and powerful ... yeah, it makes me wonder. Thoughtforms are potent things, and people have been pouring power into superheroes for decades.
>> That said, I suspect Tony's poorskillz as you call it came about *despite* Howard. Or TO spite him. <<
Ah, okay. I can see that. It's not where I went with this interpretation of Tony, but it fits.
>> I can see Howard being all 'you're a Stark, Starks don't get their hands dirty' <<
Fair enough.
>> (The closest we see Howard to that is with the Tesseract fragment. Now he *might* have done his own work, especially during the War, but by the time Tony came around ... I'm thinking not so much) <<
Howard also made the Captain America shield, though, a whole batch of different models. So I have a quietly conflicting garage/mechanic thing going for Howard and Tony.
>> and Tony going 'I am going to get as dirty as humanly possible. Nyah!' <<
*laugh* So very Tony. I may play with that some other time, if it ever comes up.
>>I just realized as I was typing that Tony is a troll.<<
Yeah, that's a problem. He has a downright sadistic streak. Jolting Bruce with a tiny cattle prod was all kinds of not okay. I've largely ignored that for this series, because the sadistic streak doesn't really fit with Tony as I'm writing him here; but it's there in canon.
>> He deliberately antagonizes god and everyone, sometimes playfully, sometimes not. Thing is, to be a successful troll, you have to be able to read people like *whoah*, which means knowing body language. <<
So do abuse survivors, as a defense mechanism. That's a big part of why Tony, Bruce, and Clint all tend to test people in different ways -- to see how they'll snap, so as to know when and how to avoid the strike.
>>And Tony is a spectacularly successful troll, both in instigating responses from people and in NOT having those responses be 'punch Tony in the face' unless he *wants* that to be the reaction, like he did with Loki.<<
Yeah.
I think it's interesting that Steve, Tony, and Hulk all gave Loki chances to stand down from the fight at different points in time. And of the three, Tony was the one to offer hospitality and I suspect it may have been deliberate. There probably isn't much Tony Stark doesn't know about the history of alcohol, including its occasional peacemaking applications.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2013-04-28 09:50 am (UTC)Definitely not ok, but I actually read that one as less trolling and more making a very huge point to Bruce that he was completely, totally unafraid of Hulk, beyond even Betty's levels of 'not scared', because even she flinched dealing with Big Green for the first time. Knowing Tony, he'd calculated the chances of Bruce Hulking at him over that down the the fifth decimal.
What makes it weird is that *Bruce* seemed to realize exactly what Tony was doing. Probably still thought Tony was out of his damn mind to not be afraid, but realized that Tony wasn't. And clearly *HULK* got the message, despite the method of delivery, if he was willing to save Tony's ass without any prompting.
>>And of the three, Tony was the one to offer hospitality and I suspect it may have been deliberate.<<
You're not the only one. I suspect the offer of hospitality was equal parts Tony being a snarky bastard, his knowledge of the fact that alcohol acts as a social lubricant, and some bit of noblisse oblige (sorry if I spelled that wrong), if there's 'how to treat a defeated enemy' somewhere in the "Rich Man's Code of Conduct".
Alternately, it was, possibly, continuing his apparent theme in the movie of reaching out to folks (Phil, Bruce, even makes nice, if briefly and in a very offhand way, with Thor once they're on the Helicarrier).
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2013-04-29 05:16 pm (UTC)True. I think it also has to do with Tony's tendency to test people to see how they'll snap, which is an abuse survivor trait also shared by Bruce and Clint.
>> Knowing Tony, he'd calculated the chances of Bruce Hulking at him over that down the the fifth decimal. <<
He seems to calculate everything that way -- he has to run relationships on a digital model, because he doesn't have the standard-issue analog model.
>>What makes it weird is that *Bruce* seemed to realize exactly what Tony was doing. Probably still thought Tony was out of his damn mind to not be afraid, but realized that Tony wasn't.<<
That's the part that's hard for me to maintain suspension of disbelief. About the only way that makes sense is if Bruce has simply concluded that people invading his space and hurting him is normal and just not worth making a fuss over. That it's always going to happen no matter what he does, so he no longer responds to the lower levels in hopes it will keep people from escalating.
>> And clearly *HULK* got the message, despite the method of delivery, if he was willing to save Tony's ass without any prompting. <<
Yeah, that's even weirder. The way I write Hulk, he has a great deal of emotional acuity -- but that was so early on, it wouldn't have helped much. I have to conclude that Hulk was sufficiently intrigued by the positive examples to want more time to study Tony, and simply ignored the petty violence as baseline normal. Tony's only the second person who ever did anything for Bruce-and-Hulk instead of against them, after all.
>>I suspect the offer of hospitality was equal parts Tony being a snarky bastard, his knowledge of the fact that alcohol acts as a social lubricant, and some bit of noblisse oblige (sorry if I spelled that wrong), if there's 'how to treat a defeated enemy' somewhere in the "Rich Man's Code of Conduct".<<
I think all of those fit. There's also the offer of alcohol as hospitality and peacemaking in Viking culture. One last attempt to avert all-out battle.
>>Alternately, it was, possibly, continuing his apparent theme in the movie of reaching out to folks (Phil, Bruce, even makes nice, if briefly and in a very offhand way, with Thor once they're on the Helicarrier).<<
Also true.
Tony rarely does anything for only one reason.
Re: Thank you!
Date: 2023-08-10 09:02 pm (UTC)