Story: "Touching Moments" (Part 2 of 8)
Mar. 26th, 2013 12:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," and "Turnabout Is Fair Play."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, JARVIS, Betty Ross.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: No standard warnings apply.
Summary: Clint messes up his back while testing some new archery equipment. Bruce offers to fix his back for him.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Teamwork. Flangst. Fear of vulnerability. Trust issues. Skin hunger. Hurt/comfort. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Non-sexual ageplay. Cuteness. Personal growth. Family of choice.
Begin with Part 1. Skip to Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8.
"Touching Moments" Part 2 of 8
"Good enough," Bruce said as he sat down. He lifted a hand to Clint's back, slowly and carefully, letting the other man track the motion. "Hmm ... you were drawing the bowstring with your left hand today?" Clint nodded. "I can feel it. There's a diagonal line pulling through your back muscles. Something about the harness must have twisted you out of alignment. That can't be good for your aim either."
Clint held still while the fingers crept back and forth. "Okay, ow," he said, flinching away when Bruce's hand reached his left shoulderblade.
"Between the edge of the bone and your spine?" Bruce asked.
"Yeah, there's a knot there or something," Clint admitted.
"Thought that might happen, the way the straps laid," said Bruce. He moved his thumb very precisely, tracing something that he could apparently feel but Phil could not see. "Wow, this tendon is not happy with whatever you did on the range. I could pluck it like a guitar string."
"I'm not happy either," Clint said. Bruce touched a different spot, closer to the shoulderblade, and Clint flinched even harder. "Ow! Take your complaints to Tony. He's the one wanting feedback on the gear."
"We will," Phil said. He'd make sure Tony got the notes whether Clint and Bruce remembered or not. He had complete confidence in Tony's ability to fix whatever crimp or imbalance had caused the problem. Phil also took extra care with Clint's safety because, unlike some of the other team members, Clint didn't have any resistance to injury or quick healing.
"I've got a massage table in my quarters if you want to come up," Bruce said. He flattened his hand against Clint's back.
"Uh, that's a no," Clint said, his cheeks pinking. "I don't really mix well with massage tables. Unpleasant associations. Came up during a mission but it's not job-related at the heart of it."
"Geisha-ninjas working out of a massage parlor," Phil clarified, "and doing nobody's professional reputation any good whatsoever."
"I like the skin contact, a lot, but I need it to be ... safe," Clint said. "I don't like sex. I don't get attracted to people that way. I don't want anyone touching my junk."
"That's all right, Clint," said Bruce. "I get that you're asexual. I don't have a really strong sex drive myself, and the Hulk just makes everything ... kind of weird. Betty and I have fooled around some, but we discovered that we actually, um, get more bang for our buck with Tantra. You don't have anything to worry about from me."
Clint twisted around to look at Bruce. "Don't get me wrong, you're okay, I totally trust you not to manhandle me. If you think you can fix my back, go for it. Just, not on a table, because that was not fun."
"No problem," Bruce said smoothly. "I can work anywhere. Floor okay for you, if we throw down some cushions?" Phil wasn't surprised that Bruce had focused so much on portable techniques he could use without a need for specialized tools or supplies.
"Yeah, sure," said Clint.
"Phil, would you spot for us? Just in case we step on another land mine walking down memory lane?" Bruce asked. "Edgy as Clint feels right now, I think he'll have an easier time relaxing with you there."
"Of course," Phil said at once, "whatever you need." He'd tried getting Clint to work this out with one of the physical therapists at SHIELD who also did massage therapy and had, by all reports, quite good hands. That turned into an argument over the importance of a massage table in professional treatment. Clint came out tenser than he went in. Phil silently concluded that he should have vetted the therapist's head as well as hands, and that it wasn't worth pushing for something that would probably never recur in Clint's line of work. If Clint was willing to try again with Bruce, that was a definite improvement. Phil would do whatever he could to encourage them.
Bruce appropriated a few floor cushions from the common room and towels from the bath, then led everyone to a spare room. "This should do. We can lock the door and not tie up the really public space," he said.
"JARVIS, if anyone comes looking for us, let them know we're busy unless it's an emergency," Phil said as he closed the door behind them. The lock clicked and flashed amber.
Bruce expertly flipped the cushions into position and draped a towel over them. "Okay, this will work better with your clothes off, but you don't have to --"
Clint's clothes hit the floor before Bruce even finished speaking. He stretched belly-down on the cushions, pillowing his head on his forearms. "I'm good with it," he said.
"Spies can't afford to be too body-conscious," Phil said to Bruce. He settled onto the floor cross-legged near Clint's head, resting a hand on the closest forearm to help him stay present in the here-and-now. The muscles remained firm underhand, even though he could tell that Clint was trying to go along with this project.
Bruce knelt gracefully beside Clint, placing one hand over the nape of his neck and the other at the base of his spine. Clint shivered. "Relax," Bruce said, his voice low and coaxing.
"I'm trying," Clint said. "I just really don't like people right behind me. It's not like a switch I can flip off and on."
"We'll get there," Bruce said. "Look, you're not afraid of me in combat, are you? Even when I'm big and green?"
"Of course not," Clint said instantly.
"Okay, so hold onto that awareness. Let me have your back. I promise I'll take good care of it," Bruce said.
"I'll try," Clint said.
"Imagine a place you find safe and peaceful," Bruce said. "Let yourself drift a little. We can take all the time we need for this." A wrinkle formed between his eyebrows, as if he wasn't satisfied with what he felt under his hands.
"Clint, think about sitting watch in a forest, not for a target, just establishing a baseline for the local sound environment," Phil murmured. With no more hint than that, JARVIS brought up an ambient recording with a barely audible whisper of leaves and birdsong. Clint sighed and settled a little deeper into the cushions. Phil pressed an attentive thumb into Clint's forearm and felt the muscles soften slightly.
"Ah," Bruce said on a happier note. "That worked." He tugged a bottle of oil from his pants pocket.
* * *
Notes:
A massage table is a great tool if you do a lot of bodywork. If you're going to splurge on anything, get the extra padding and extra weight allotment; and remember that the difference between a $100 table and a $400 table is about twenty minutes of setup time. It's not an accident that one of the few things Bruce has willingly spent money on is something that benefits not just him but other people. Still, some folks aren't comfortable giving or receiving bodywork on a table, for various reasons. Exercise mats or floor cushions do fine, and some people like to work on a bed or couch. There are tips for doing basic bodywork on the floor.
Clint is asexual. As an entertainment trope, this is often handled awkwardly or ignored. Clint has a high degree of skin hunger, but his sexual orientation and profession make it hard to fulfill. He also has some tactile defensiveness about genital contact and certain other kinds of touching or proximity. So it's a delicate balance to meet those needs safely.
Tantra is a Hindu practice commonly associated with love, intimacy, and sex. Some of its techniques aim to delay or even avoid orgasm. Some people are turned on more by friction, others more by intimacy. Even sexual people may discover that there is something else they enjoy more than sex. All of that is okay.
Trust is a crucial issue in bodywork. This is especially true for survivors of abuse or other betrayals of trust. It's important to respect each other's boundaries. With the Avengers, everyone has trust issues -- and some have trouble not just with trusting other people but with considering themselves trustworthy.
In sports, a spotter is someone who stands by to assist if needed so nobody gets hurt. An emotional spotter does the same for personal issues.
Some people have trouble relaxing. There are simple steps for relaxation. Different techniques may work for different people. Guided meditation is popular.
[To be continued in Part 3 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, JARVIS, Betty Ross.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: No standard warnings apply.
Summary: Clint messes up his back while testing some new archery equipment. Bruce offers to fix his back for him.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Teamwork. Flangst. Fear of vulnerability. Trust issues. Skin hunger. Hurt/comfort. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Non-sexual ageplay. Cuteness. Personal growth. Family of choice.
Begin with Part 1. Skip to Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8.
"Touching Moments" Part 2 of 8
"Good enough," Bruce said as he sat down. He lifted a hand to Clint's back, slowly and carefully, letting the other man track the motion. "Hmm ... you were drawing the bowstring with your left hand today?" Clint nodded. "I can feel it. There's a diagonal line pulling through your back muscles. Something about the harness must have twisted you out of alignment. That can't be good for your aim either."
Clint held still while the fingers crept back and forth. "Okay, ow," he said, flinching away when Bruce's hand reached his left shoulderblade.
"Between the edge of the bone and your spine?" Bruce asked.
"Yeah, there's a knot there or something," Clint admitted.
"Thought that might happen, the way the straps laid," said Bruce. He moved his thumb very precisely, tracing something that he could apparently feel but Phil could not see. "Wow, this tendon is not happy with whatever you did on the range. I could pluck it like a guitar string."
"I'm not happy either," Clint said. Bruce touched a different spot, closer to the shoulderblade, and Clint flinched even harder. "Ow! Take your complaints to Tony. He's the one wanting feedback on the gear."
"We will," Phil said. He'd make sure Tony got the notes whether Clint and Bruce remembered or not. He had complete confidence in Tony's ability to fix whatever crimp or imbalance had caused the problem. Phil also took extra care with Clint's safety because, unlike some of the other team members, Clint didn't have any resistance to injury or quick healing.
"I've got a massage table in my quarters if you want to come up," Bruce said. He flattened his hand against Clint's back.
"Uh, that's a no," Clint said, his cheeks pinking. "I don't really mix well with massage tables. Unpleasant associations. Came up during a mission but it's not job-related at the heart of it."
"Geisha-ninjas working out of a massage parlor," Phil clarified, "and doing nobody's professional reputation any good whatsoever."
"I like the skin contact, a lot, but I need it to be ... safe," Clint said. "I don't like sex. I don't get attracted to people that way. I don't want anyone touching my junk."
"That's all right, Clint," said Bruce. "I get that you're asexual. I don't have a really strong sex drive myself, and the Hulk just makes everything ... kind of weird. Betty and I have fooled around some, but we discovered that we actually, um, get more bang for our buck with Tantra. You don't have anything to worry about from me."
Clint twisted around to look at Bruce. "Don't get me wrong, you're okay, I totally trust you not to manhandle me. If you think you can fix my back, go for it. Just, not on a table, because that was not fun."
"No problem," Bruce said smoothly. "I can work anywhere. Floor okay for you, if we throw down some cushions?" Phil wasn't surprised that Bruce had focused so much on portable techniques he could use without a need for specialized tools or supplies.
"Yeah, sure," said Clint.
"Phil, would you spot for us? Just in case we step on another land mine walking down memory lane?" Bruce asked. "Edgy as Clint feels right now, I think he'll have an easier time relaxing with you there."
"Of course," Phil said at once, "whatever you need." He'd tried getting Clint to work this out with one of the physical therapists at SHIELD who also did massage therapy and had, by all reports, quite good hands. That turned into an argument over the importance of a massage table in professional treatment. Clint came out tenser than he went in. Phil silently concluded that he should have vetted the therapist's head as well as hands, and that it wasn't worth pushing for something that would probably never recur in Clint's line of work. If Clint was willing to try again with Bruce, that was a definite improvement. Phil would do whatever he could to encourage them.
Bruce appropriated a few floor cushions from the common room and towels from the bath, then led everyone to a spare room. "This should do. We can lock the door and not tie up the really public space," he said.
"JARVIS, if anyone comes looking for us, let them know we're busy unless it's an emergency," Phil said as he closed the door behind them. The lock clicked and flashed amber.
Bruce expertly flipped the cushions into position and draped a towel over them. "Okay, this will work better with your clothes off, but you don't have to --"
Clint's clothes hit the floor before Bruce even finished speaking. He stretched belly-down on the cushions, pillowing his head on his forearms. "I'm good with it," he said.
"Spies can't afford to be too body-conscious," Phil said to Bruce. He settled onto the floor cross-legged near Clint's head, resting a hand on the closest forearm to help him stay present in the here-and-now. The muscles remained firm underhand, even though he could tell that Clint was trying to go along with this project.
Bruce knelt gracefully beside Clint, placing one hand over the nape of his neck and the other at the base of his spine. Clint shivered. "Relax," Bruce said, his voice low and coaxing.
"I'm trying," Clint said. "I just really don't like people right behind me. It's not like a switch I can flip off and on."
"We'll get there," Bruce said. "Look, you're not afraid of me in combat, are you? Even when I'm big and green?"
"Of course not," Clint said instantly.
"Okay, so hold onto that awareness. Let me have your back. I promise I'll take good care of it," Bruce said.
"I'll try," Clint said.
"Imagine a place you find safe and peaceful," Bruce said. "Let yourself drift a little. We can take all the time we need for this." A wrinkle formed between his eyebrows, as if he wasn't satisfied with what he felt under his hands.
"Clint, think about sitting watch in a forest, not for a target, just establishing a baseline for the local sound environment," Phil murmured. With no more hint than that, JARVIS brought up an ambient recording with a barely audible whisper of leaves and birdsong. Clint sighed and settled a little deeper into the cushions. Phil pressed an attentive thumb into Clint's forearm and felt the muscles soften slightly.
"Ah," Bruce said on a happier note. "That worked." He tugged a bottle of oil from his pants pocket.
* * *
Notes:
A massage table is a great tool if you do a lot of bodywork. If you're going to splurge on anything, get the extra padding and extra weight allotment; and remember that the difference between a $100 table and a $400 table is about twenty minutes of setup time. It's not an accident that one of the few things Bruce has willingly spent money on is something that benefits not just him but other people. Still, some folks aren't comfortable giving or receiving bodywork on a table, for various reasons. Exercise mats or floor cushions do fine, and some people like to work on a bed or couch. There are tips for doing basic bodywork on the floor.
Clint is asexual. As an entertainment trope, this is often handled awkwardly or ignored. Clint has a high degree of skin hunger, but his sexual orientation and profession make it hard to fulfill. He also has some tactile defensiveness about genital contact and certain other kinds of touching or proximity. So it's a delicate balance to meet those needs safely.
Tantra is a Hindu practice commonly associated with love, intimacy, and sex. Some of its techniques aim to delay or even avoid orgasm. Some people are turned on more by friction, others more by intimacy. Even sexual people may discover that there is something else they enjoy more than sex. All of that is okay.
Trust is a crucial issue in bodywork. This is especially true for survivors of abuse or other betrayals of trust. It's important to respect each other's boundaries. With the Avengers, everyone has trust issues -- and some have trouble not just with trusting other people but with considering themselves trustworthy.
In sports, a spotter is someone who stands by to assist if needed so nobody gets hurt. An emotional spotter does the same for personal issues.
Some people have trouble relaxing. There are simple steps for relaxation. Different techniques may work for different people. Guided meditation is popular.
[To be continued in Part 3 ...]
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2013-03-26 05:49 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2013-03-26 06:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-03-26 06:09 am (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2013-03-26 06:17 am (UTC)That's true for most of the Avengers, really.
>> it's definitely going to take a while for him to trust even though he's trying.<<
Sooth. This activity helps, though, and it's building on groundwork laid in previous ones.
>>lovely update. can't wait for more.<<
Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2013-03-26 02:50 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2013-03-27 02:18 am (UTC)It's very difficult to break body-habits learned from unpleasant experiences, to convince not just your head but your flesh that things are different now and this is safe.
>>and I can practically see the layers coming together from their time as kids.<<
That's helping a lot. The ageplay also allows them to work through some issues from earlier in their lives, which makes them fit together much better as a household and as a fighting team.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-03-26 03:38 pm (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2013-03-26 10:58 pm (UTC)I'm happy to hear that.
>> I'm developing a huge appreciation for massage, now that my sister of choice is studying it. <<
Good luck to her! It's a marvelous skill set, and the whole core of this story. Feel free to share if you think she'd like it.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-03-26 07:55 pm (UTC)I love how you include JARVIS in these stories with his often quiet but very real role within the family.
Thank you!
Date: 2013-03-27 06:19 am (UTC)It can be an intensely intimate experience. Not everyone is comfortable with that, especially at first. People often don't realize this because some versions of massage are so casual. But Bruce really knows what he's doing, and it's about to go quite a lot farther.
>>Glad Clint has these guys to help him.<<
Sooth. They need each other. The team has a very good skill set, spread across different people, and weaknesses mostly in different areas.
>>I love how you include JARVIS in these stories with his often quiet but very real role within the family.<<
Yay! Under the occasional snark, JARVIS is a very subtle and attentive person. I try to convey the way he's always watching, ready at a moment's notice to step in and take care of people.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-03-26 08:11 pm (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2013-03-27 06:44 am (UTC)Bruce is observant, responsive, and flexible because he has to be. That's always been a survival need for him. He has learned, over time, to apply those skills in new ways. By now he knows his teammates well enough to start using this to help them.
>> JARVIS putting some ambient forest sounds was just perfect! <<
That's a particular trait of AIs who comprise living space -- a building, a city, a ship, whatever. If they have people they care about inside, they'll manage the environment very carefully for comfort, sometimes in quite subtle ways. Response to oblique cues like this, rather than explicit orders, is one way to distinguish a true AI from a cleverly written but nonsentient program. JARVIS has a level of finesse that outstrips many humans.
>>Clint seems to have a lot of triggers.<<
All of them do, really. Some are for small, obscure things like Clint's aversion to massage tables. Others are ubiquitous and pesky, like Tony's irrational reaction to mentions of Howard Stark. Between lousy childhoods and adventuring, shit piles up. But at least now they've got ways to reduce the damage quotient. The worst triggers probably won't ever go away, but can be muffled somewhat. The lesser ones may wear off with time and care.
>> And as a relaxation therapist, <<
I have not heard that job description before. It sounds fascinating; I'd love to hear about it. It also sounds stupendously challenging.
>>I was especially interested and really loved this chapter (oh, how I would love having a JARVIS!). <<
That's very encouraging! I'm glad the description sounded good enough that it appealed to you.
>>Great work, thanks a lot for sharing!<<
You're welcome.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-03-27 08:40 pm (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2013-03-28 02:15 am (UTC)Yeah, he gets picked on here.
>> i love that it is bruce helping him through with phil of course.. lol..<<
Yay! I'm glad this worked for you. They seemed like a good combination to work on this with Clint; different flavors of trust in play.
>> even with an asexual clint i love me some phil clint moments.. <<
You were part of the inspiration for the story. I like the bond between Phil and Clint. In this series, most of the connections are not sexual so it goes in a different direction.
Skin Hunger
Date: 2013-12-24 01:05 am (UTC)I have read and reread all of these stories and i have had a question in my mind.
I am bringing this up here because this is the story where (I think- but I could be wrong?) where you really start delving into the issue of skin hunger.
You have made reference to the fact that primates can die from lack of touch; I wonder if animal companions - cats and dogs are what I think of most, because of cuddle factor - can help fill that need for touch if we (as human beings) don't have another way of getting it?
Nobody ever touches me, really and I have been feeling more and more isolated.I hurt from the lack of contact, sometimes. And I've become more isolated due to physical disability. I wonder if I might have gone crazy by now if I didn't have love and cuddles of the feline sort.
You mention cats in a later story; I *think* it was in Hide and Seek with reference to Tony and his need for touches? I won't be more specific b/c I don't want to spoil anyone who hasn't read, but do I remember right? And if so does that mean you are a fan of the feline?
I read a really wonderful story (which turned into a series) on A03 about Clint in the aftermath of the Loki and how he recovers, slowly but surely, when he happens to adopt a cat. Don't know if I can link it for you here but the series is called The Ongoing Adventures of Clint and Cat and is written by lexxorz.
Re: Skin Hunger
Date: 2013-12-24 02:51 am (UTC)Okay ...
>> I am bringing this up here because this is the story where (I think- but I could be wrong?) where you really start delving into the issue of skin hunger. <<
Yes, this is the one.
>> You have made reference to the fact that primates can die from lack of touch; I wonder if animal companions - cats and dogs are what I think of most, because of cuddle factor - can help fill that need for touch if we (as human beings) don't have another way of getting it? <<
Yes, pets can help, especially furry mammals. Some people find it more comforting to touch snakes; some are more soothed by watching fish swim; but most people like petting something with soft warm fur.
>> Nobody ever touches me, really and I have been feeling more and more isolated. I hurt from the lack of contact, sometimes. <<
That's very sad and lonely. A lack of contact can make wreck people's physical and mental health.
>> And I've become more isolated due to physical disability. <<
People with disabilities are especially vulnerable to touch starvation and loneliness.
>> I wonder if I might have gone crazy by now if I didn't have love and cuddles of the feline sort. <<
I'm glad that you have at least that much.
>> You mention cats in a later story; I *think* it was in Hide and Seek with reference to Tony and his need for touches? I won't be more specific b/c I don't want to spoil anyone who hasn't read, but do I remember right? And if so does that mean you are a fan of the feline? <<
I think that's where it was. Yes, I do like cats. There are some of Tony's qualities that remind me of cats.
>> I read a really wonderful story (which turned into a series) on A03 about Clint in the aftermath of the Loki and how he recovers, slowly but surely, when he happens to adopt a cat. Don't know if I can link it for you here but the series is called The Ongoing Adventures of Clint and Cat and is written by lexxorz. <<
That sounds cute.
Re: Skin Hunger
Date: 2013-12-24 12:00 pm (UTC)Synopsis: "After all," Clint thought, "I'm a 'superhero' now, I save cats and stuff." Or, how an annoying, dramatic furball might have saved Clint Barton's life. Maybe.
Re: Skin Hunger
Date: 2013-12-24 12:04 pm (UTC)He begins to recover but the stories deal with all of the issues above as well as some self worth and abandonment issues. It gets lighter as things improve for clint and there is fluff mixed in.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-09-16 04:22 am (UTC)Yay!
Date: 2014-09-16 05:35 am (UTC)That was actually one reason why I wrote this. I've known other contexts in which virtual massage worked, and wanted to try it here.
>> especially since I'm actually ridiculously twitchy when I'm touched from the overstimulation. (It's not bad, just makes me twitch a little, and soothing me down takes time.)Thought you should know. :) <<
Yeah, that can happen. Occasionally Clint gets twitchy, although Bruce is worse. Their crappy backgrounds mean that sometimes they get stuck between skin hunger and touch aversion, plus Bruce-and-Hulk also have the sensory processing issues.
Thanks for telling me.