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ysabetwordsmithThis story was written for the Asexy Valentines Fest, partly inspired by aceofannwn. It also fills the "game night" square on my card for the ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trope_bingo fest. This fest features fundamental motifs that will be familiar to most readers. It encourages writers to analyze storylines and characters, then reinterpret them in new ways.
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, Nick Fury, JARVIS
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: No standard warnings apply.
Summary: Phil Coulson is SHIELD's best handler for a reason: he can deal with the broken people that nobody else can manage but desperately need anyway. So he comes up with an unusual teambuilding idea to shore up the Avengers.
Notes: Asexual character. Aromantic character. Asexual relationship. Flangst. Dysfunctional dynamics. Mention of past abuse. Incidental self-injury. Non-sexual ageplay. Games. Cuteness. Teambuilding. Personal growth. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Hurt/comfort. Trust issues. Making up for lost time. Odin's A+ parenting. Teamwork. Family of choice.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13. Read the sequel, "Eggshells."
"Love Is for Children" Part 14
Fury was pushy and ruthless, but he wasn't completely stupid. He didn't challenge the security on Avengers tower. He didn't accept anyone's resignation. He didn't follow through and attempt reassignments either, so there was no need for them to disengage from SHIELD and go independent. Besides, he didn't have anyone else willing or able to take on the Avengers. That had become spectacularly clear during the week Coulson was "dead." So the game nights continued undisturbed. Besides, Coulson was right.
The teambuilding exercise proved its worth in the field as promised.
One day, they were fending off a Hydra attack when Captain America shouted an order to Iron Man ... and Tony just followed it, without hesitating or arguing over the comm.
Then someone took aim at the Hulk with an anti-tank missile. Phil got the drop on the man and choked him unconscious. Oh yes, that felt good. He'd been yearning to do something like that for a very long time. Phil gave a happy sigh as he let the limp villain slump to the pavement. Then he tased the one trying to shoot at Iron Man.
Suddenly something hit the building next to him. Phil looked down and found another Hydra agent. From the trajectory and the bent gun, Hulk had caught the man aiming at Phil and thrown him against a wall. As Phil looked up, Hulk waved at him and bounded away to smash something else. Phil crouched down to fasten the three defeated enemies together with SHIELD-issue zip ties. That would hold them until junior agents could pick them up.
"Hawkeye, behind you!" Black Widow shouted. While Hawkeye whirled to shoot the enemies sneaking up on him, Black Widow took out the ones trying to lower themselves from above. They fell rather farther than they had intended, and landed on hard roof instead of soft Hawkeye. An arrow through the thigh dropped the one circling Black Widow.
She scrambled down from Hawkeye's building to the top of a bus, only to have several Hydra agents rush her. Black Widow kicked two of them in the throat simultaneously. The others knocked her off the bus.
Hulk caught Black Widow in midair, rolled to take the momentum, and set her gently back on her feet. A spray of bullets bounced off his green shoulders. With a roar, Hulk picked up the empty bus and smashed it into Hydra's formation of footsoldiers.
"Cap, assist!" called Iron Man, holding up his hands.
Captain America was almost a block away. He turned and passed his shield to Iron Man, who was in a perfect position to hurl it into the vulnerable underside of the Hydra troop transport. The vehicle went down with a gratifying amount of black smoke pouring from its guts.
After that it was just a matter of mopping up the last few enemies. Phil supervised the junior agents who came to take the Hydra casualties into custody. He kept the other half of his attention on the comm chatter as his team members called in. Everyone reported safe, except --
"Has anybody got eyes on Hulk?" Hawkeye asked in a worried tone. "I lost him after those guys tried to jump me on the roof."
This was not good. Hulk out of contact tended to mean Hulk wreaking unnecessary havoc on defenseless infrastructure, or worse, fleeing into the countryside to get himself good and lost. It had taken most of a day to find him on the previous two occasions when that happened. He hadn't done it recently, but still --
"Last I saw, he was standing on top of a wrecked Beemer," Iron Man said.
Just then, Hulk landed beside Phil with a ground-jarring THUD. He didn't look angry, despite the burnt patch on his pants that made Phil want to check him for injuries, nevermind that Hulk was well-nigh indestructible. He didn't look scared, either. He looked satisfied.
Phil announced over his comm, "Hulk just found me," then asked, "What can I do for you, Hulk?"
"Catch me, Uncle Phil," Hulk said quite clearly.
And just like that, Hulk was gone and Bruce was left in his place, knees already buckling. Phil hastened to grab him before he could fall. Phil hadn't been prepared for this; it was the fastest, easiest transformation he'd seen yet. Bruce proved surprisingly unwieldy in his arms. This was usually when ...
"Steve!" Phil yelled. "Come get --" your baby cousin, he almost finished, but managed to head off that part just in time. He'd said it so often, it had become almost automatic. That could be awkward, if he or anyone else let slip exactly what kind of exercise they were doing. Then again, role-playing was all over Phil's teambuilding manuals, and if "Saturday Pajama Party" was out of an abuse recovery book ... oh well, Nick Fury could just put on his big-boy shorts and deal with it.
"I've got him," Steve said, scooping up Bruce. It was no hardship for Steve to carry the smaller man tucked against his chest. Bruce gave a contented murmur and snuggled into Steve's grasp. The charred portion of Bruce's pants flaked away to reveal undamaged skin beneath.
"You sure do," Phil said.
"Good job, everyone. Let's go home," Steve said.
"Yes," Phil agreed.
Home. Steve had been right. Love could make anything real.
~ MISSION ACCOMPLISHED ~
aceofannwn. It also fills the "game night" square on my card for the trope_bingo fest. This fest features fundamental motifs that will be familiar to most readers. It encourages writers to analyze storylines and characters, then reinterpret them in new ways. Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, Nick Fury, JARVIS
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: No standard warnings apply.
Summary: Phil Coulson is SHIELD's best handler for a reason: he can deal with the broken people that nobody else can manage but desperately need anyway. So he comes up with an unusual teambuilding idea to shore up the Avengers.
Notes: Asexual character. Aromantic character. Asexual relationship. Flangst. Dysfunctional dynamics. Mention of past abuse. Incidental self-injury. Non-sexual ageplay. Games. Cuteness. Teambuilding. Personal growth. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Hurt/comfort. Trust issues. Making up for lost time. Odin's A+ parenting. Teamwork. Family of choice.
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13. Read the sequel, "Eggshells."
"Love Is for Children" Part 14
Fury was pushy and ruthless, but he wasn't completely stupid. He didn't challenge the security on Avengers tower. He didn't accept anyone's resignation. He didn't follow through and attempt reassignments either, so there was no need for them to disengage from SHIELD and go independent. Besides, he didn't have anyone else willing or able to take on the Avengers. That had become spectacularly clear during the week Coulson was "dead." So the game nights continued undisturbed. Besides, Coulson was right.
The teambuilding exercise proved its worth in the field as promised.
One day, they were fending off a Hydra attack when Captain America shouted an order to Iron Man ... and Tony just followed it, without hesitating or arguing over the comm.
Then someone took aim at the Hulk with an anti-tank missile. Phil got the drop on the man and choked him unconscious. Oh yes, that felt good. He'd been yearning to do something like that for a very long time. Phil gave a happy sigh as he let the limp villain slump to the pavement. Then he tased the one trying to shoot at Iron Man.
Suddenly something hit the building next to him. Phil looked down and found another Hydra agent. From the trajectory and the bent gun, Hulk had caught the man aiming at Phil and thrown him against a wall. As Phil looked up, Hulk waved at him and bounded away to smash something else. Phil crouched down to fasten the three defeated enemies together with SHIELD-issue zip ties. That would hold them until junior agents could pick them up.
"Hawkeye, behind you!" Black Widow shouted. While Hawkeye whirled to shoot the enemies sneaking up on him, Black Widow took out the ones trying to lower themselves from above. They fell rather farther than they had intended, and landed on hard roof instead of soft Hawkeye. An arrow through the thigh dropped the one circling Black Widow.
She scrambled down from Hawkeye's building to the top of a bus, only to have several Hydra agents rush her. Black Widow kicked two of them in the throat simultaneously. The others knocked her off the bus.
Hulk caught Black Widow in midair, rolled to take the momentum, and set her gently back on her feet. A spray of bullets bounced off his green shoulders. With a roar, Hulk picked up the empty bus and smashed it into Hydra's formation of footsoldiers.
"Cap, assist!" called Iron Man, holding up his hands.
Captain America was almost a block away. He turned and passed his shield to Iron Man, who was in a perfect position to hurl it into the vulnerable underside of the Hydra troop transport. The vehicle went down with a gratifying amount of black smoke pouring from its guts.
After that it was just a matter of mopping up the last few enemies. Phil supervised the junior agents who came to take the Hydra casualties into custody. He kept the other half of his attention on the comm chatter as his team members called in. Everyone reported safe, except --
"Has anybody got eyes on Hulk?" Hawkeye asked in a worried tone. "I lost him after those guys tried to jump me on the roof."
This was not good. Hulk out of contact tended to mean Hulk wreaking unnecessary havoc on defenseless infrastructure, or worse, fleeing into the countryside to get himself good and lost. It had taken most of a day to find him on the previous two occasions when that happened. He hadn't done it recently, but still --
"Last I saw, he was standing on top of a wrecked Beemer," Iron Man said.
Just then, Hulk landed beside Phil with a ground-jarring THUD. He didn't look angry, despite the burnt patch on his pants that made Phil want to check him for injuries, nevermind that Hulk was well-nigh indestructible. He didn't look scared, either. He looked satisfied.
Phil announced over his comm, "Hulk just found me," then asked, "What can I do for you, Hulk?"
"Catch me, Uncle Phil," Hulk said quite clearly.
And just like that, Hulk was gone and Bruce was left in his place, knees already buckling. Phil hastened to grab him before he could fall. Phil hadn't been prepared for this; it was the fastest, easiest transformation he'd seen yet. Bruce proved surprisingly unwieldy in his arms. This was usually when ...
"Steve!" Phil yelled. "Come get --" your baby cousin, he almost finished, but managed to head off that part just in time. He'd said it so often, it had become almost automatic. That could be awkward, if he or anyone else let slip exactly what kind of exercise they were doing. Then again, role-playing was all over Phil's teambuilding manuals, and if "Saturday Pajama Party" was out of an abuse recovery book ... oh well, Nick Fury could just put on his big-boy shorts and deal with it.
"I've got him," Steve said, scooping up Bruce. It was no hardship for Steve to carry the smaller man tucked against his chest. Bruce gave a contented murmur and snuggled into Steve's grasp. The charred portion of Bruce's pants flaked away to reveal undamaged skin beneath.
"You sure do," Phil said.
"Good job, everyone. Let's go home," Steve said.
"Yes," Phil agreed.
Home. Steve had been right. Love could make anything real.
~ MISSION ACCOMPLISHED ~
Welcome!
Date: 2015-12-01 08:08 am (UTC)I'm glad that you've decided to. I try to make this a safe space.
>> This is amazing. This whole story. I love you for writing this. <<
*hugs*
>>In a totally platonic "I don't even know you but you did something that's maybe fixed my life" way. *grins*<<
See "squish."
And I'm glad that I could help.
>> So... uh, hi. My name's Tony. As in, of the Stark variety. And I seriously wanna move into your story. X3 <<
Hi! Lots of people want to move into this setting. Terramagne, home of Polychrome Heroics, is still the leading favorite on "Can I move to your storyworld?" though.
>>I've never even come near our shared body or this world it's living in before <<
Wow! That's a big step forward.
Er ... sorry that this world is kind of a mess. I do what I can, but "Hey let's not saw off the branch we're standing on" is a minority opinion here/now. >_<
>> but I heard about your story from Jackie who saw you posting the latest sequel and I just read all 14 parts of this all in one go and it's completely awesome and I'm totally gunna go read all the sequels, forget sleep this is way better. ...<<
Be careful chugging this series. Yes, it is sweet and people do that, but as it goes along, a lot more serious material comes in. Some of the later stories are heavier and would benefit from digestion time. And do check the warnings.
>>Please excuse my run-on sentences, that's what life sounds like in my brain, hahah.<<
That's okay, it's still clear to me.
>>The whole thing is just beautiful and there's so many moments where I maybe almost lost it a bit but... that bit at the end there where your Steve passed his shield to your version of me, I just. I'm not even gunna lie, I stopped reading and just cried for a bit. <<
*hankie*
>>I mean only a bit but... Yeah. This story is... just.... Ffff. ...It's doin good things. Fuck. Thankyou. ♥ <<
Happy to be of service.
>>...I love your versions of us, too. You did a really great job with this in so many ways.
-Tony <<
Thanks for the vote of confidence!
>> P.S. Sorry if this is creepy or something. <<
Nah, it isn't creepy. I'm a writer, I'm used to hanging out with people from other dimensions. Also I have other multiple friends. If you watch the comments closely, you may spot them responding to this series or to Polychrome Heroics where I also have a plural character, Damask.
Re: Welcome! (Well this ended up about a mile long but it's mostly nice things!)
Date: 2015-12-21 06:07 pm (UTC)"I try to make this a safe space."
Thankyou. You're doing a good job! I hesitated a lot before deciding to comment here, but with the memory files available on you and your spaces I found I did feel safe to. So thanks for that!
My friend Ara saw your post the other day about guardians/protectors (the one where you linked that amazing article about veterans being awesome), and really wanted to comment but we didn't have the energy. But that resonated very strongly with them, and they wanted to mention how they'd noticed those guardian tendencies in you, too.
Ara says: "As a group we very much admire your dedication to creating safer space. We like to do so ourselves, though we often lack the energy for having non-beasties in our space. And as a protectively-inclined person myself, I get a special kind of kinship feeling seeing others who conduct themselves as you do."
I second Ara there, we love what you're doing.
...Oh wow I get hugs and everything! Score. *offers hugs in return, if desired*
Re: squish - Oh hey, yeah! I recognized that word as soon as you said it, turns out it's stored in the shared memory here. Thanks!
"Wow! That's a big step forward."
Huh. Yeah I guess it is. Thankyou. Though... I wouldn't call it a step forward exactly. We don't privilege this universe over the one we live in, or all the others we can visit in exactly the same way as we visit this one. It's no more valid, being here isn't better. But a big step... yeah. Yeah it is. It's good to hear you say it.
Like I said, your stories were the reason I came here, and I gotta say, it's been so worth it. Your work is not only great storytelling but it's really healing stuff, too.
"Er ... sorry that this world is kind of a mess. I do what I can, but "Hey let's not saw off the branch we're standing on" is a minority opinion here/now. >_<"
Hah! Yep. Noticed. It's cool though, I'm kinda used to messed-up worlds~ *grins* I gotta say though, Homeworld (the universe we beasties live in when we're not here) is pretty awesome. Thanks for doing what you can for this one, I'm sure those of us who share your desire for a better world appreciate it (I know I do).
Yeah. Accessing info in shared, I can see that a lot of folks in the beasts really love your Polychrome Heroics stuff. I'm finding at least two 'tried & failed to post comment' reports here, but way more records of people just really enjoying reading it, and feeling grateful for it. (We're often without the spoons to talk to even our close friends and partners when we want to, so.)
But while I'm rooting around in these memory records here, may as well throw some up for ya... Of the failed comments, one was for... there was this poem about a broken sink? And about community and supporting one another and helping an abuse survivor heal and learn life-skills. And that was all really awesome and helpful for us and made a gorgeous happy space to visit, but someone here in particular really wanted to thank you for the character of Yona, who was in that. Because my friend here's a man who's given birth and he'd been feeling really, really excluded and feeling unwelcome and unsafe even in his own spaces (for other reasons than just that but yeah) and it made a huge difference for him that day.
And then there was Strong At The Broken Places, that was a real good pickup on a bad day for us, and we ended up coming back to read it again several times on other days when we were struggling. And It's Your Body - everyone loves that. The whole concept of the shop is just fantastic and awesome. We love the atmosphere and the philosophy there, the attitudes of everyone on board, and so many other things. It made us so happy.
...Hahah, yeah this body totally fell over asleep before the end of the next one I read anyway. But thanks. I do make sure to read warnings, yeah. Honestly, I'm glad it's heavy in places. A series like this, dealing with what this deals with, it'd be inappropriate for it all to be fluff in my opinion. Feels more like you're handling these issues with the respect they deserve, so thank you.
And like I saw you and another reader saying in comments somewhere - the overall feel of the series is still comforting because even when it's heavy it's safe. People are caring, supporting each other, and dealing with things in increasingly more healthy ways together. No-one's denying the gravity of the issues and you know it's gonna be alright.
"That's okay, it's still clear to me."
It's ridiculous how reassuring that is.
... *accepts hankie* Heh, cheers.
I realised something. That moment could actually be something that happened in this universe's version of the movies and we don't know, haha. We haven't seen them all. But yeah I'm pretty sure part of the reason it affected me so strongly was cuz that was something that did happen in our world, and it was a marker of a turning point for us as a team. ...Anyway.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence!"
You're welcome! Having read a lot more of this series now I really gotta say my first impression was right - you're excellent at this. I mean everyone's wanted to comment with something of the sort on the pieces you wrote about them, that we've read. We all feel really genuinely represented by your writing, even in the areas where we differ from your interpretations.
Like okay so we hesitated to read Am I Not because our Loki's easily hurt but they decided they wanted to look and I swear, they practically folded up and just stared when in the notes at the end of the first section you talked about their golden child/scapegoat dynamic and their adoptive father being a narcissistic abuser. They just sat there with their mouth hanging open for a bit and then wheezed "...you ~noticed~". Like it was the most incredible thing in the multiverse. They found it really damn validating. The only other people they've known to recognize that are us other beasties and this one partner we have who lives with a narcissist. So... yeah. Thankyou for that.
"Nah, it isn't creepy."
Okay well that's a relief! *grins*
Haha, yeah I guess writers get a similar kind of lens on life as superheroes do. You get familiar with all the weird spingly shit because you're always running into elves and aliens and alternate dimensions. Maybe not in the here-and-now quite so much, but still.
Oh hey, we didn't know you had a plural group in Polychrome Heroics! That's awesome! *delighted face* We keep wanting to read up on all the stuff in that universe but never seem to figure out where to start. X3 But that's complicated for us.
Things we love:
- That you rotate around the group and give everyone some time as the focus of their own story/ies. For us in particular that's really helpful because, being people who actually are and/or who know and love versions of these characters, we're often saddened by some of us seeming to be overlooked. It makes us feel really good to see everyone getting their share of time and attention, and your stories are so healing to those of us featured in them that we really appreciate you giving everyone a turn.
- The way you acknowledge people's issues and the seriousness and depth of them, and give people the space to actually be hurt and to work through it at a suitable pace. That you don't skim over these things in favor of making it fluffier and in the process devalue these kinds of experiences and struggles. That instead you allow the story to lead you where it needs to go, take the time to cover these things sensitively, and afford everyone's issues the respect they deserve.
- Nonsexual ageplay for the absolute WIN.
- And while we're on the subject nonsexual/nonromantic EVERYTHING. Intimacy, team-building, sensuality, trust, family of choice... all of this is shit this world needs to hear more about, have more examples of. Healthy models for how to do this in ways that don't have to be romance or involve sex or any of that. This world needs that, and so do we. This body's brain absorbs the poisonous crap in the world around it real good but it really struggles to envision ways of doing things, particularly relating to people, without having seen examples of how it could go.
- The notes and links at the end. Though we can't always manage to check out the links and a lot of them are things we're already familiar with or that don't apply to us or are inappropriate for us, we really appreciate hearing your viewpoint in the notes and find the fact that you say those things and give those links to be really important. It transforms a good teaching-story into a great one, because it catches those of us who'd fall through the net and miss things the story conveys. It's also extremely powerful and healing to hear an author explicitly acknowledging things one might identify with in the story, or might also experience but have never understood with the level of clarity your notes give.
- The discussions you have in comments sometimes. We especially love learning more about your versions of the us-characters, the things you read into the canon and the character building and histories you've extrapolated from there. A lot of the time it matches up pretty strongly with us ourselves which can feel really validating or just generally be fun and make us laugh (same in the actual stories too, of course).
Like as a group we for years knew we wanted an asexual, intimate, commited relationship with a non-beastie (or non-beasties) but we just had no idea what that could even look like, which made it hard to believe it was even possible. When everyone we'd ever met, dated, seen on tv, etc. treated sex as COMPLETELY NECESSARY for any kind of commitment and made the assumption that "intimacy = sex is now" we just felt like it'd be a miracle if anyone was ever willing to 'put up with' our 'awkward' asexuality. And it's really hard to reach for something that you don't even know what it is or what form it could take.
Eventually we found an article by another ace person describing a few kinds of asexual relationships, with examples, and it made an enormous difference to us. Because we knew all the labels for them, like queerplatonic and all that good stuff, and hey most of us had those kinds of relationships with one another in Homeworld... but when visiting this world we had no concept for how to do that or what the hell that could possibly be like because the brain we're using here just can't produce ideas like that on its own. So yeah we have a huge appreciation for the kind of work you're doing here with this series. Wow that got long, next item.
Though, full disclosure, I should also note that another reason we often don't follow the links is that both in this series and the few of your Polychrome Heroics posts that we've read we often find the content of the links to be very ableist or other kinds of problematic, and find that for us it often does more harm than good. It's still good for the people it does work for, which is probably going to be a majority, but yeah. The ableist etc. messages are not good for the people it does work for. Heh.
It's just that there's not likely to be alternatives available that aren't problematic. As with all things in this world, really. Like the best article we ever found for explaining how the whole concept of dyadic sexes is a social construct that harms both intersex and trans* people... we don't feel comfortable directing people to because it incorporates misogyny in both the title and part of the article itself. Anyway I'm wandering off-topic, sorry. Lemme reign in the ol' brain, there.
Overview: Your work is awesome. And filling a lot of very important voids and niches in this world, many of which I don't have the spoons to talk about here. Though we do have concerns and don't expect them to get addressed (we likely won't even air most of them as it's such a terrifying thing for us to do that). But the sum total outweighs that for us at the moment and this stuff is so worth it right now. You're doing a great thing. Stick with it, for as long as it's working for you. We love it.
And. We want to check your consent on something. It's possible that our reading your original works could result in our Homeworld following the energy trail and making a connection to a world similar to (but maybe not the exact same one as) the world you've described/created. Like one or even several of the alternate dimensions of that world or something.
That could result in versions of the characters you've made choosing to come here. They'd probably be a little different to the characters you know, too. You might never hear from them (and you can say whether you'd be okay with that or not and we'll respect that), but it's still a thing that could happen. Them moving in with us, I mean.
If any of that would be a problem for you, we can refrain from reading too much or figure out some other solution with you. We get how that could be uncomfortable or upsetting for some, so yeah.
You don't have to give a definitive answer or answer right away, it's a big complex topic so. Yeah. Your answer can be big and complex too, and you can take your time and change your mind and all that good stuff. It's cool.
Also, as a side-note, if there's anyone you'd like to meet a version of, that's a thing that you can mention. *grins* Might not happen, depends whether we find a connection and then whether they want to come here. But it's cool to ask, with us. Just sayin.
...Oh and here's something that I figure might be of interest to you. The Avengers folks from my original universe... out of the team we ended up with (12 of us - JARVIS, Phil, Loki, Hulk, Betty, the Asset, Banner, Nat, Hawk, Cap, Thor and me), we've got... two black people and six other individuals of color, five trans* members, four nonbinary ones, at least one who's intersex, at least six nonhumans, two nonpersons one of whom is an object and the other's a creature, and I think everyone's some form of queer or ace, though no two are the same. And that's without even getting into things like neurology, disability, class, cultures & nationalities, etc. ...Funny how real life is so much more diverse than movies. *grins*
-Tony
P.S. Dammit I keep forgetting to ask - is it appropriate or inappropriate for us to chime in on comment threads? Like where something you said to another commenter set us thinking or just made us happy or something? Is that rude? Especially with the really old ones, where everything said was years ago or something it's just like "...Yeah probably not socially acceptable? But then what the hell do we know?" Haha.
Re: Welcome! (Well this ended up about a mile long but it's mostly nice things!)
Date: 2015-12-22 04:56 am (UTC)Yay, comment! :D
>> Thankyou. You're doing a good job! I hesitated a lot before deciding to comment here, but with the memory files available on you and your spaces I found I did feel safe to. So thanks for that! <<
I'm glad I could help.
>> My friend Ara saw your post the other day about guardians/protectors (the one where you linked that amazing article about veterans being awesome), and really wanted to comment but we didn't have the energy. But that resonated very strongly with them, and they wanted to mention how they'd noticed those guardian tendencies in you, too.<<
That's good to hear. It's okay to conserve energy when you're low. People are work. Sometimes being people is work!
I second Ara there, we love what you're doing.
>> ...Oh wow I get hugs and everything! Score. *offers hugs in return, if desired*
Re: squish - Oh hey, yeah! I recognized that word as soon as you said it, turns out it's stored in the shared memory here. Thanks! <<
It's a useful word. And *hugs*!
>> Huh. Yeah I guess it is. Thankyou. Though... I wouldn't call it a step forward exactly. We don't privilege this universe over the one we live in, or all the others we can visit in exactly the same way as we visit this one. It's no more valid, being here isn't better. But a big step... yeah. Yeah it is. It's good to hear you say it.<<
I was thinking of it not in the sense of privileging one universe over another (this one is not special just because I'm standing in it) but rather ...
1) Progress into a new area or activity is generally described as "forward" motion.
2) The multiples I know speak of their interface with meatspace as "Front." It can be like the driver's seat of a car or the cockpit of a plane. They speak of moving toward Front as "forward" and moving away from Front into their own headspace as "back."
>> Like I said, your stories were the reason I came here, and I gotta say, it's been so worth it. Your work is not only great storytelling but it's really healing stuff, too.<<
Yay!
>>Hah! Yep. Noticed. It's cool though, I'm kinda used to messed-up worlds~ *grins* I gotta say though, Homeworld (the universe we beasties live in when we're not here) is pretty awesome. Thanks for doing what you can for this one, I'm sure those of us who share your desire for a better world appreciate it (I know I do).<<
*bow, flourish* Happy to be of service.
>>Yeah. Accessing info in shared, I can see that a lot of folks in the beasts really love your Polychrome Heroics stuff. I'm finding at least two 'tried & failed to post comment' reports here, but way more records of people just really enjoying reading it, and feeling grateful for it. (We're often without the spoons to talk to even our close friends and partners when we want to, so.) <<
It's okay if folks can't always comment. Feedback is welcome but not required. I'm glad you are enjoying it!
>>But while I'm rooting around in these memory records here, may as well throw some up for ya... Of the failed comments, one was for... there was this poem about a broken sink? And about community and supporting one another and helping an abuse survivor heal and learn life-skills. And that was all really awesome and helpful for us and made a gorgeous happy space to visit,<<
That's good to hear. Cassandra has had a really rough time, but now she is with people who can teach her a lot of life skills that she missed, and be patient when things go wrong like the sink.
Some other abuse survivor storylines are in Antimatter & Stalwart Stan (both Lawrence and Shiv) and Officer Pink whose poems don't have their own guidepage yet but you can watch for the ones about Turq. You might also like Turq because he is aspected: not exactly a multiple with wholly separate people inside, but he's kind of a different person in each shape. So far Ansel has met his human, caney, and ferret forms and their personalities are all distinct.
>> but someone here in particular really wanted to thank you for the character of Yona, who was in that. Because my friend here's a man who's given birth and he'd been feeling really, really excluded and feeling unwelcome and unsafe even in his own spaces (for other reasons than just that but yeah) and it made a huge difference for him that day.<<
I'm so happy to hear that! I have some ideas for more male-mother poems, if that's something you want to read then you can prompt for it.
Not collated into a thread, but appearing several times, is the trans character Hyperspaceman who was assigned female at birth and had a daughter while en femme. He is proud of being a mother, but other people are often weirded out by it.
"If You Do Not Change Direction"
"Through the Loop"
"Hostage to the Character" (not sponsored or posted yet)
>> And then there was Strong At The Broken Places, that was a real good pickup on a bad day for us, and we ended up coming back to read it again several times on other days when we were struggling. <<
There are several more in Gray's storyline, including "Switching Out" which is sponsored but not up yet, should appear later this week. They tend toward a lot of hurt/comfort. <3 my kinky gangsters, it is hilarious to me how different the various gangs are.
>> And It's Your Body - everyone loves that. The whole concept of the shop is just fantastic and awesome. We love the atmosphere and the philosophy there, the attitudes of everyone on board, and so many other things. It made us so happy. <<
I'm so glad that one resonated for you. It's an important place because it's one of the few where people really quash the cape politics and so the common ground among soups becomes more visible.
>> ...Hahah, yeah this body totally fell over asleep before the end of the next one I read anyway. But thanks. I do make sure to read warnings, yeah. Honestly, I'm glad it's heavy in places. A series like this, dealing with what this deals with, it'd be inappropriate for it all to be fluff in my opinion. Feels more like you're handling these issues with the respect they deserve, so thank you.<<
I'm glad people use the warnings. Once in a while people gripe that the warnings -- and the footnotes, my most popular feature! -- are condescending because "everyone knows that." 0_o But most people like them even if they don't always need them. Everyone has days of low spoons and then you just do not want to get hit in the face with something ouchie.
There is so much that conventional superhero comics just don't cover. They are all about the fight scenes and the soap opera angst, but there is almost no thought to how superpowers would affect politics, laws, family dynamics, sex appeal, etc. One of my more fascinating discoveries is that the crayon soups -- people with unusual hair/skin colors -- can often see ultraviolet and/or polarized light. Well, birds and insects use those to signal sexual availability. Even if you can't see the patterns, the UV reactivity in the colors makes them shinier or iridescent. So they look sexier to some people.
>>And like I saw you and another reader saying in comments somewhere - the overall feel of the series is still comforting because even when it's heavy it's safe. People are caring, supporting each other, and dealing with things in increasingly more healthy ways together. No-one's denying the gravity of the issues and you know it's gonna be alright.<<
I'm still learning this part of the hurt/comfort equation. I know how to write it well. Predicting which poems people will find tense or cozy is more challenging! But it is fun to practice. It does seem that the more comfort provided and thus the more positive the subjective experience, the more likely people will read it as hurt/COMFORT instead of HURT/comfort. Heck, Gray got tortured and the aftercare was so good that he came out of it mostly okay.
Re: Welcome! (Well this ended up about a mile long but it's mostly nice things!)
Date: 2015-12-22 10:59 am (UTC)I'm glad this resonated with you.
>> You're welcome! Having read a lot more of this series now I really gotta say my first impression was right - you're excellent at this. I mean everyone's wanted to comment with something of the sort on the pieces you wrote about them, that we've read.<<
Aww, shucks. :D
>> We all feel really genuinely represented by your writing, even in the areas where we differ from your interpretations. <<
I'm glad to hear that. I have worked with different iterations of the Avengers, too.
>> Like okay so we hesitated to read Am I Not because our Loki's easily hurt <<
Loki is usually easy to hurt. He just tries not to show it, because vulnerability makes him a target. This is canon. The guy walked out of torture, through a portal, and convinced everyone that he was trying to take over the Earth of his own free will. While he looked like a raccoon who hadn't slept in a month, was sweating like a pig, and swayed on his feet. He's that convincing. It's just, if one knows the symptoms of a trauma survivor, possible to read past the front.
>> but they decided they wanted to look and I swear, they practically folded up and just stared when in the notes at the end of the first section you talked about their golden child/scapegoat dynamic and their adoptive father being a narcissistic abuser. They just sat there with their mouth hanging open for a bit and then wheezed "...you ~noticed~". Like it was the most incredible thing in the multiverse. They found it really damn validating. The only other people they've known to recognize that are us other beasties and this one partner we have who lives with a narcissist. So... yeah. Thankyou for that.<<
Aww. *hugs offered* Thing is, most of that -- the awful family dynamics -- is canon. It's there in the movies for anyone to see. Most people just overlook it. I wanted to highlight it so that more folks could understand just how thoroughly hosed Loki has been for his whole life.
>> Haha, yeah I guess writers get a similar kind of lens on life as superheroes do. You get familiar with all the weird spingly shit because you're always running into elves and aliens and alternate dimensions.<<
Yep.
>> Maybe not in the here-and-now quite so much, but still.<<
Tonight we went out for supper and it got pushed half an hour later. I went off-feed. And I was so distracted by how hungry I was, I bent the streets into spaghetti and we had to drive around in circles looking for landmarks. In a town we visit twice a month, to get to a favorite restaurant.
No, I don't leave my weird in other worlds.
>> Oh hey, we didn't know you had a plural group in Polychrome Heroics! That's awesome! *delighted face* We keep wanting to read up on all the stuff in that universe but never seem to figure out where to start. X3 But that's complicated for us.<<
The plural person is Damask. That was the first storyline in Polychrome Heroics, hence the name, so it's designed as the introduction. There are actually two places people could choose to begin: "Damask Speaks" is an introduction of all the headmates, but is spoilery. "Cut to the Quick" is a subjective description of the fight where they became multiples and gained superpowers, but it can be confusing because nobody knows what's going on for a while. Take your pick, read one or both of those. Then go down the page, and the Damask poems are all at the top there in roughly chronological order. "No Terrible Consequences" is the latest one so far, then after that it gets into different storylines. I have tried to incorporate input from my multiple friends in portraying Damask.
Re: Welcome! (Well this ended up about a mile long but it's mostly nice things!)
Date: 2015-12-29 10:46 am (UTC)That you rotate around the group and give everyone some time as the focus of their own story/ies.<<
I resonate more with some characters than others, and Natasha in particular is a challenge because her alexithymia makes her very hard to read. But I try to give everyone a turn in the spotlight, because I think it makes the storyline stronger.
>> For us in particular that's really helpful because, being people who actually are and/or who know and love versions of these characters, we're often saddened by some of us seeming to be overlooked. It makes us feel really good to see everyone getting their share of time and attention, and your stories are so healing to those of us featured in them that we really appreciate you giving everyone a turn.<<
Yay! I'm glad I could help.
>> The way you acknowledge people's issues and the seriousness and depth of them, and give people the space to actually be hurt and to work through it at a suitable pace. <<
It has to be okay for people to be not-okay or they will burn out. I mean look at the canon. Steve comes out of the ice and Fury fucks him over and by The Winter Soldier, Steve is suicidal. AGAIN. There is not a cluebat big enough to beat Fury with for that.
>> That you don't skim over these things in favor of making it fluffier and in the process devalue these kinds of experiences and struggles. That instead you allow the story to lead you where it needs to go, take the time to cover these things sensitively, and afford everyone's issues the respect they deserve. <<
I feel that if I'm going to raise difficult issues, I need to do them justice, not just twirl them around for fun.
>> Nonsexual ageplay for the absolute WIN. <<
Yay! \o/ It's hard to find good references for that one, so a lot of it is handmade.
>> And while we're on the subject nonsexual/nonromantic EVERYTHING. Intimacy, team-building, sensuality, trust, family of choice... <<
:D That's the heart of this series, and really it came from Natasha's linchpin line. When you say "love is for children" that pushes adult motifs like sex off to one side. There's still a bit of it, because they are adults, but it's not the central theme.
>> all of this is shit this world needs to hear more about, have more examples of. Healthy models for how to do this in ways that don't have to be romance or involve sex or any of that.<<
So very true. That's why I write a lot of things.
>> This world needs that, and so do we. This body's brain absorbs the poisonous crap in the world around it real good but it really struggles to envision ways of doing things, particularly relating to people, without having seen examples of how it could go.<<
Examples do help. One of my quirkier abilities is that if you give me a batch of examples, I can extrapolate more -- or identify gaps and fill them.
>> Like as a group we for years knew we wanted an asexual, intimate, commited relationship with a non-beastie (or non-beasties) but we just had no idea what that could even look like, which made it hard to believe it was even possible. <<
It is possible, just challenging to find someone who wants the same things.
>> When everyone we'd ever met, dated, seen on tv, etc. treated sex as COMPLETELY NECESSARY for any kind of commitment and made the assumption that "intimacy = sex is now" we just felt like it'd be a miracle if anyone was ever willing to 'put up with' our 'awkward' asexuality. And it's really hard to reach for something that you don't even know what it is or what form it could take. <<
:( Yeah, that sucks.
>> Eventually we found an article by another ace person describing a few kinds of asexual relationships, with examples, and it made an enormous difference to us.<<
Yaaayyyy!
>> Because we knew all the labels for them, like queerplatonic and all that good stuff, and hey most of us had those kinds of relationships with one another in Homeworld... but when visiting this world we had no concept for how to do that or what the hell that could possibly be like because the brain we're using here just can't produce ideas like that on its own. <<
Labels aren't the same as examples, alas.
>>So yeah we have a huge appreciation for the kind of work you're doing here with this series. Wow that got long, next item.<<
I'm happy to help. Some of my other series have asexual connections -- Path of the Paladins is based on mentor/novice, and An Army of One has only one sexual couple that I've spotted thus far.
>> The notes and links at the end. <<
I'm glad these help.
>> Though we can't always manage to check out the links and a lot of them are things we're already familiar with or that don't apply to us or are inappropriate for us, we really appreciate hearing your viewpoint in the notes and find the fact that you say those things and give those links to be really important. <<
The links are there for people who want or need them. I've had a few complaints that linking to such "obvious" stuff is insulting, but hey, some of my acefans don't get sexual jokes without an explanation and some of my abuse survivors didn't get basic life skills growing up, and after answering a lot of questions I've figured out the patterns of what folks need supported. But you can always feel free to skip things you find icky or redundant. It's different for different folks.
>> It transforms a good teaching-story into a great one, because it catches those of us who'd fall through the net and miss things the story conveys. It's also extremely powerful and healing to hear an author explicitly acknowledging things one might identify with in the story, or might also experience but have never understood with the level of clarity your notes give.<<
A lot of that comes from conversations I've had with fans telling me that my writing has been more useful than their college classes or professional therapy. Well, fine, but if people are using it for load-bearing purposes then I want to put some stronger supports underneath.
>> The discussions you have in comments sometimes. <<
<3 my audience. They ask great questions and make brilliant observations.
>> We especially love learning more about your versions of the us-characters, the things you read into the canon and the character building and histories you've extrapolated from there. A lot of the time it matches up pretty strongly with us ourselves which can feel really validating or just generally be fun and make us laugh (same in the actual stories too, of course).<<
Yay! I'm glad that I can provide validation. That seems to be a very useful service.
Re: Welcome! (Well this ended up about a mile long but it's mostly nice things!)
Date: 2016-01-13 12:34 am (UTC)I'm not really able to give a proper reply right now (maybe I just won't manage at all) but since at the moment I can do this much, I wanted to drop by and say thankyou. I really appreciate your responses here and I especially liked that you made a point of coming back to respond to more of what I said when you could. I just wanted you to know that I did listen and appreciate it.
Keep being awesome!
-Tony
Re: Welcome! (Well this ended up about a mile long but it's mostly nice things!)
Date: 2016-01-13 02:22 am (UTC)That's okay. Do what you can, when you can.
>> I wanted to drop by and say thankyou. I really appreciate your responses here and I especially liked that you made a point of coming back to respond to more of what I said when you could. I just wanted you to know that I did listen and appreciate it.<<
I'm glad I could help.
load-bearing
Date: 2016-11-09 08:27 am (UTC)I am using it that way, and you have put good strong supports underneath. Thank you (again)!
Re: Welcome! (Well this ended up about a mile long but it's mostly nice things!)
Date: 2016-01-13 02:30 am (UTC)Sorry about that. I try to find links that are good, or at least not awful, but some topics have a very short hit list and/or everything has the same problem in it. Society has a lot of isms that should be wasms. 0_o However, if you see a link that is bothersome and you know of a better one, send me the URL -- I can always update the listing.
>> It's just that there's not likely to be alternatives available that aren't problematic. As with all things in this world, really.<<
Yep.
>> Like the best article we ever found for explaining how the whole concept of dyadic sexes is a social construct that harms both intersex and trans* people... we don't feel comfortable directing people to because it incorporates misogyny in both the title and part of the article itself. <<
Sometimes I put warnings on links that are gross, or have one good part but others parts are just nasty. Better than nothing.
>> Overview: Your work is awesome. And filling a lot of very important voids and niches in this world, many of which I don't have the spoons to talk about here.<<
Thank you!
>> Though we do have concerns and don't expect them to get addressed (we likely won't even air most of them as it's such a terrifying thing for us to do that). But the sum total outweighs that for us at the moment and this stuff is so worth it right now. You're doing a great thing. Stick with it, for as long as it's working for you. We love it.<<
I'm glad that it works well on balance.
>>And. We want to check your consent on something. It's possible that our reading your original works could result in our Homeworld following the energy trail and making a connection to a world similar to (but maybe not the exact same one as) the world you've described/created. Like one or even several of the alternate dimensions of that world or something.<<
No problem, it happens.
>> That could result in versions of the characters you've made choosing to come here. They'd probably be a little different to the characters you know, too. You might never hear from them (and you can say whether you'd be okay with that or not and we'll respect that), but it's still a thing that could happen. Them moving in with us, I mean.<<
I'm used to people refracting across dimensions. I have a whole setting for that, Schrodinger's Heroes (which even has some Avengerfic in it).
>>If any of that would be a problem for you, we can refrain from reading too much or figure out some other solution with you. We get how that could be uncomfortable or upsetting for some, so yeah.<<
Let's say I have a cislunar freakout threshold. It is possible to upset me, but it takes some concerted effort.
You don't have to give a definitive answer or answer right away, it's a big complex topic so. Yeah. Your answer can be big and complex too, and you can take your time and change your mind and all that good stuff. It's cool.
>>Also, as a side-note, if there's anyone you'd like to meet a version of, that's a thing that you can mention. *grins* Might not happen, depends whether we find a connection and then whether they want to come here. But it's cool to ask, with us. Just sayin.<<
Cool.
>>...Oh and here's something that I figure might be of interest to you. The Avengers folks from my original universe... out of the team we ended up with (12 of us - JARVIS, Phil, Loki, Hulk, Betty, the Asset, Banner, Nat, Hawk, Cap, Thor and me), we've got... two black people and six other individuals of color, five trans* members, four nonbinary ones, at least one who's intersex, at least six nonhumans, two nonpersons one of whom is an object and the other's a creature, and I think everyone's some form of queer or ace, though no two are the same. And that's without even getting into things like neurology, disability, class, cultures & nationalities, etc. ...Funny how real life is so much more diverse than movies. *grins* <<
:D That is awesome. I went to a highschool that was so diverse, there was no majority. That's still my highwater mark for multicultural interaction.
>> P.S. Dammit I keep forgetting to ask - is it appropriate or inappropriate for us to chime in on comment threads? Like where something you said to another commenter set us thinking or just made us happy or something? <<
Appropriate. I love feedback. I encourage audience interaction. I try to keep this safe space as much as possible.
>> Is that rude? Especially with the really old ones, where everything said was years ago or something it's just like "...Yeah probably not socially acceptable? But then what the hell do we know?" Haha.<<
I don't mind replies to old threads either. Sheesh, you've said it's hard for you to post at all -- the last thing you need is people throwing extra barriers in your way. Do what works for you.