Poem: "Cut to the Quick"
Jun. 24th, 2013 09:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis poem belongs to the series Polychrome Heroics in the setting Terramagne.
"Cut to the Quick"
Everything is a blur,
memories running like makeup
under hot stage lights,
headache pounding like crowd roar
from a cranky audience.
I scramble onto my hands and knees,
cut ropes falling away --
the superhero Savoir Faire
has finally managed to cut me free --
splintery boards under my tanned hands,
long honeyed hair hanging in my face.
The skin looks right but not the hair
and I don't know why
I feel like a stranger to myself.
The supervillain Mindflare strikes at me again,
his thoughts like knives inside my psyche,
and I don't understand what he's done to me
but it feels like I'm bleeding
something other than blood.
Mindflare wants attention, ever the showman,
tall dark stranger in his classy black suit and white shirt,
so I yell at him, pitching my voice to carry,
"Look what you've done to me, you monster!
I'll never forgive you for this!"
It's a distraction,
but it's the truth too.
It works anyway:
he turns to look at me,
a smile uncoiling like a cobra.
I sway in place, glaring at him,
giving him the show that he craves --
and that's enough time
for Savoir Faire to break a chair
over Mindflare's head and take him down.
Savoir Faire is dressed all in black,
except for the blue-white-red plumes in his floppy hat,
but I know he's one of the good guys.
He bows and says, "I beg your pardon, mademoiselle,
for not arriving sooner. Mindflare left me
a most convoluted trail to follow."
I don't blame him
for not getting here in time.
I'm too busy trying to hold my head together,
thoughts spilling out like stuffing from a ripped couch.
The wounds in my mind gape wide,
making me think of how Mindflare's suitcoat
flaps open to show the crimson lining.
"Are you all right?" he asks,
and that's a stupid question,
I've been kidnapped and assaulted
by a supervillain.
"No," I reply.
"I will take you somewhere safe," he says.
"Is that your bookbag? Are you a student?"
"Yes," I say, because it is my bag
and I can remember attending classes
at Urbanburg University, studying theatre there --
but it feels like someone else's life instead of mine.
Under my bookbag, Savoir Faire finds my purse.
"Maisie Walker," he reads from the student ID,
and the name sounds familiar in my memories,
but it is not my name. I am Maze, not Maisie.
"I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Maisie,"
says Savoir Faire, and so I fake it
because it is expected of me.
"Thank you for saving me and finding my stuff,"
I say, wrapping the straps around my hand.
Savoir Faire picks me up
and I almost laugh -- he's shorter than me --
but he has the compact, wiry build of a dancer
and it seems no hardship for him to carry my weight.
He leaves Mindflare tightly bound on the floor,
still unconscious, waiting for the police to arrive.
Outside the Student Health Center,
Savoir Faire drops me off.
He makes sure that I can walk
and that I have the student ID in hand.
Then he gives me a tip of his outrageous hat
and a quirk of his handsome face,
and disappears into the night.
I limp inside.
Even though I don't know
what has really happened to me,
the people here will take care of me
as long as I can fake being Maisie.
* * *
Notes:
This character was inspired by a comment under my "Stacking vs. Not Stacking" post. I thought, gosh, that would make a terrific superhero. So Damask is a six-person multiple system in a multiracial female body. I also thought it would be fun to start at the very beginning, with the origin story, so "Cut to the Quick" gives a subjective view of that. It will take a while for the members of the system to discover each other and their respective powers, learn how to get along, and find their calling.
"Cut to the Quick"
Everything is a blur,
memories running like makeup
under hot stage lights,
headache pounding like crowd roar
from a cranky audience.
I scramble onto my hands and knees,
cut ropes falling away --
the superhero Savoir Faire
has finally managed to cut me free --
splintery boards under my tanned hands,
long honeyed hair hanging in my face.
The skin looks right but not the hair
and I don't know why
I feel like a stranger to myself.
The supervillain Mindflare strikes at me again,
his thoughts like knives inside my psyche,
and I don't understand what he's done to me
but it feels like I'm bleeding
something other than blood.
Mindflare wants attention, ever the showman,
tall dark stranger in his classy black suit and white shirt,
so I yell at him, pitching my voice to carry,
"Look what you've done to me, you monster!
I'll never forgive you for this!"
It's a distraction,
but it's the truth too.
It works anyway:
he turns to look at me,
a smile uncoiling like a cobra.
I sway in place, glaring at him,
giving him the show that he craves --
and that's enough time
for Savoir Faire to break a chair
over Mindflare's head and take him down.
Savoir Faire is dressed all in black,
except for the blue-white-red plumes in his floppy hat,
but I know he's one of the good guys.
He bows and says, "I beg your pardon, mademoiselle,
for not arriving sooner. Mindflare left me
a most convoluted trail to follow."
I don't blame him
for not getting here in time.
I'm too busy trying to hold my head together,
thoughts spilling out like stuffing from a ripped couch.
The wounds in my mind gape wide,
making me think of how Mindflare's suitcoat
flaps open to show the crimson lining.
"Are you all right?" he asks,
and that's a stupid question,
I've been kidnapped and assaulted
by a supervillain.
"No," I reply.
"I will take you somewhere safe," he says.
"Is that your bookbag? Are you a student?"
"Yes," I say, because it is my bag
and I can remember attending classes
at Urbanburg University, studying theatre there --
but it feels like someone else's life instead of mine.
Under my bookbag, Savoir Faire finds my purse.
"Maisie Walker," he reads from the student ID,
and the name sounds familiar in my memories,
but it is not my name. I am Maze, not Maisie.
"I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Maisie,"
says Savoir Faire, and so I fake it
because it is expected of me.
"Thank you for saving me and finding my stuff,"
I say, wrapping the straps around my hand.
Savoir Faire picks me up
and I almost laugh -- he's shorter than me --
but he has the compact, wiry build of a dancer
and it seems no hardship for him to carry my weight.
He leaves Mindflare tightly bound on the floor,
still unconscious, waiting for the police to arrive.
Outside the Student Health Center,
Savoir Faire drops me off.
He makes sure that I can walk
and that I have the student ID in hand.
Then he gives me a tip of his outrageous hat
and a quirk of his handsome face,
and disappears into the night.
I limp inside.
Even though I don't know
what has really happened to me,
the people here will take care of me
as long as I can fake being Maisie.
* * *
Notes:
This character was inspired by a comment under my "Stacking vs. Not Stacking" post. I thought, gosh, that would make a terrific superhero. So Damask is a six-person multiple system in a multiracial female body. I also thought it would be fun to start at the very beginning, with the origin story, so "Cut to the Quick" gives a subjective view of that. It will take a while for the members of the system to discover each other and their respective powers, learn how to get along, and find their calling.
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(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-26 09:24 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2013-06-26 05:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-25 04:42 am (UTC)Also, you've captured the feeling of dissociation pretty well. We've had feelings like what you describe, back when we were splitting or first coming around.
--Rogan
Yay!
Date: 2013-06-25 04:57 am (UTC)*happydance* I'm so glad that you like this.
>> Also, you've captured the feeling of dissociation pretty well. We've had feelings like what you describe, back when we were splitting or first coming around. <<
Oh, good.
It's a bit different for Maze because she didn't experience trauma, cope by dissociating, and then split. She was chopped apart by a superpower, which is disorienting, and is now a separate person. I wanted something that would fit a common pattern but not be exactly the same at the stereotypical (for multiples and superheroes) "abused as a child" backstory.
Right now, Maze doesn't really understand what's going on. She feels kind of not-real and like the world is not-real; depersonalization and derealization are closely related to dissociation. And of course, now that there are several folks sharing headspace, they can dissociate to bail out of uncomfortable situations and leave someone else holding the bag.
I want to explore what it's like to be in a situation where you've had a major life change, but you don't remember all the details, weird stuff is happening, and the people trying to help are ... not necessarily all that helpful. So you have to figure it out for yourself(s).
I should look up your comic on dissociation. I'm probably going to need that eventually. It's such a good rendering of what it's like to have reality melt down inside your head.
Re: Yay!
Date: 2021-07-20 03:24 pm (UTC)Re: Yay!
Date: 2021-07-20 07:44 pm (UTC)The main difference seems to be if the memory forms but belongs to someone else vs. if it doesn't form at all.
>> Usually I can pick up what's happening and what I need to do pretty quickly, well enough to get myself home. No one's ever figured out why it happens, but it seems to have stopped now that I'm on the right meds... <<
That's good.
>> but 'look around and put together idea of what's happening' is just One Of Those Skills when you disassociate. <<
Yyyyeah. Challenging, but better than not having that skill at all.
Re: Yay!
Date: 2021-07-20 08:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-25 05:01 am (UTC)eta: and this is also a play on "cut to the chase", eh?
Yes...
Date: 2013-06-25 05:56 am (UTC)Yeah, I had a dilemma about starting this series because these are the two logical points, but they convey totally different information and readers are liable to have strong opinions about which they'd want to read first. I did my best to explain the different options. If you haven't found it yet, "Introducing Terramagne" is the setting description.
>> eta: and this is also a play on "cut to the chase", eh? <<
*laugh* Yes. That was my first thought for a title; I wanted something with cutting. But it's not a chase. Then I thought "cut to the core" but there is no core personality left: the altars are more-or-less equally divided from what was the original soul. So I went with "cut to the quick" which has strong connotations of depth and pain.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2013-06-26 03:50 am (UTC)So, as I thought???: These six are not from outside, but splits from the original soul in that body, who Maze(?) tells us (tells herself) is dead?
altars → alters
Re: Yes...
Date: 2013-06-27 08:04 am (UTC)Yes. The original soul was divided by six.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-25 09:45 am (UTC)Okay...
Date: 2013-06-25 09:50 am (UTC)I'm glad I managed to hook you!
(no subject)
Date: 2013-08-03 11:26 am (UTC)Though, being an origin story, it ends just as I was starting to get a better feel of the piece, so it's a good thing that you've got some other pieces in this setting up already because I'm definitely intrigued and want to explore it further! (Er, just to be clear, this isn't intended as a criticism. I love the way this makes me want to read more and I'm very happy to have some more already available. ^_^)
Thank you!
Date: 2013-08-03 05:03 pm (UTC)I'm glad you liked this so much.
>> Though, being an origin story, it ends just as I was starting to get a better feel of the piece, <<
Yes, that happens to me sometimes when I'm reading a new piece.
>> so it's a good thing that you've got some other pieces in this setting up already because I'm definitely intrigued and want to explore it further! (Er, just to be clear, this isn't intended as a criticism. I love the way this makes me want to read more and I'm very happy to have some more already available. ^_^) <<
"Always leave them wanting more" is a pretty good rule. Yes, I now have several poems in this series that focus on Damask, along with ones about other soups.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-31 09:22 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2014-10-31 10:43 pm (UTC)Found the start of Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-05-10 03:30 pm (UTC)Continuing onto the next poem.
~Angel
Re: Found the start of Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-05-10 10:53 pm (UTC)>> Wow. Poor Maze. They have no idea on what they've just gone through and that is going to be tough to figure out. <<
Yeah, that's the whole first arc of their storyline.
>> Reminds me of Bruce-and-Hulk and Bucky.<<
That was part of the inspiration for this series. I wanted to take a healthier look at multiplicity and memory issues in a superhero setting. And Polychrome Heroics has become by far my most popular series, now with many-many threads. If you want to see more of Maze, that's another thing you can prompt for in fishbowls.
>> I suppose other alters coming to the Front could be seen as cyclic amnesia? Or similar. <<
It's called "losing time." It's not cyclic -- new memories form and retrieve normally, old ones are fairly secure -- but there are gaps where someone doesn't know what happened during that time. It's extremely distressing, and this happens to most multiples when they're new, before they learn how to manage their system so they can share information. In Damask's case, they were literally cut apart into separate people from the original Maisie, so they each got a different subset of what used to be her skills and interests. That affects how they can access pre-incident memories.