This podcast script is a piece of crossover fanfic (for
Schrodinger's Heroes / Doctor Who) somewhat inspired by recent conversations with my audience. Begin with
Part 1,
Part 2,
Part 3, and
Part 4 if you missed them.
[
Tim reaches the group inside the Ring.]
Kay: "Hey, Tim's here. Tim, this is the Doctor and that box is a TARDIS. Doc, this is Tim."
The Doctor: "Greetings."
Tim: "I am pleased to make your acquaintance. Excuse me while I disengage your dimensional apparatus from ours." [
Steps inside the TARDIS, disappearing.]
Chris: "JESUS! He just disappeared!"
Kay: "Looks like it's Tim's day to show us a new trick."
The Doctor: "Be careful in there!"
[
Tim reappears.]
Chris: "Tim, thank God you're back -- where did you go?"
Tim: "I simply stepped through into the dimensional matrix not currently manifest in this reality. A snug fit, but all it requires is being able to see the path. I can't seem to reach everything, but I can reach the relevant areas." [
Pause.] "Doctor, your eliminatory facility is flooding."
The Doctor: "Oh, not again! Please see if you can fix it."
Tim: "I am a scientist. I am a hobbyist interested in quantum mechanics. I am not a plumber. Could I trouble you for the loan of a sonic screwdriver? There are a few more components to uncouple before you can move your apparatus."
The Doctor: [
Pats coat, then hands over the sonic screwdriver.] "Here. Don't drop it in the water."
Tim: "I will return shortly." [
Disappears back into the TARDIS.]
The Doctor: "He's going to break something. I just know he is."
Kay: "As long as it's the part of your gear that's jammed with our gear, I'm okay with that."
The Doctor: "All very well and good for you --"
Kay: "It would get you out of here."
The Doctor: "Speaking of that, would you care to come with me and explore the galaxy while occasionally saving the world from evil?"
Kay: "No, thanks. That's my day job now."
The Doctor: "Oh. Well then. That's a bit of a disappointment, isn't it? This doesn't usually happen to me."
Kay: "I'll bet you say that to all the girls."
The Doctor: "Well, are there any other lovely young ladies who'd like to take a ride in my time machine?"
Chris: "We should let him try this with Ash."
Kay: "And have her get mad and fry his gear, so that he's still around the next time chaos falls from the sky? I don't think so."
Tim: [
Reappears from the TARDIS.] "I believe that I have untangled the obstructions."
Chris: "Hey, it's moving now! Just tilt it onto the trailer and I'll haul it out."
Kay: "Okay, everyone in the truck. Tim, you'll have to ride in the bed again."
[
Sound of engine as they drive out of the Tef.]
Chris: "Here we are. Hop out, folks. Let's set this thing on the ground."
The Doctor: "Don't break it."
Chris: "Doc, I could move a china cabinet in an earthquake without chipping a cup."
The Doctor: [
Opens door, revealing large space inside TARDIS.] Yes! Brilliant! It's back to normal!"
Kay: "All in a day's work."
Tim: "I have a request. Could you take me with you? I really would like to get home."
The Doctor: "I'm afraid you wouldn't fit all the way inside, old chap. Terribly sorry."
Tim: "I thought as much. Very tight space in there, but I hoped it would expand more once it was back in working order."
The Doctor: "Well, I must be going now. Ta!"
[
Grating, squealing sound as TARDIS disappears.]
Chris: "It's too bad that Midge wasn't snooping around the compound today."
Kay: "What for? That woman is a menace. I hate the press."
Chris: "Yeah, but she would have stowed away in that box for sure, and then we'd be rid of her!"
Schrodinger's Heroes also has a
menu post.