ysabetwordsmith: (Schrodinger's Heroes)
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This podcast script is a piece of crossover fanfic (for Schrodinger's Heroes / Doctor Who) somewhat inspired by recent conversations with my audience. Begin with Part 1 if you missed it.


[Kay and Chris venture into the center of the Ring. Kay carries her rifle slung over one shoulder and a handgun at her hip. Chris has his handgun, and a walking stick to shoo snakes out of their way.]

Chris: "That blue box definitely does not belong here. We'd better call Alex."

Kay: [Speaks into her cell phone.] "Alex, we have visual contact. It looks like a phone booth with the word 'police' stenciled on the top."

Alex: "Check the ground around it."

Kay: "Ground checks standard. This is the only anomaly we've seen."

[Muffled banging and yelling comes from the booth.]

Chris: "It sounds like somebody's trapped inside."

Kay: "Alex, we hear someone alive inside the booth. Should we try to get the door open, or not?"

Alex: "Have Chris open it, but watch out for trouble. Remember that you're our medic as well as muscle."

Kay: [Swings her rifle to point near the booth, not directly at it.] "Okay, Chris, I have you covered. Get the door open."

Chris: "Handle seems to be jammed." [Pause.] I think I can pry it loose with my stick, though." [Pause.] "This thing -- oof! -- is really stuck tight!" [The door yields with a loud crack.] "Got it! Hey, there's a guy in here and he's freakin' out."

The Doctor: "Get me out of here before I die of claustrophobia!"

Kay: "Who are you and what were you doing in that little bitty box if you're claustrophobic?"

The Doctor: "I am the Doctor --"

Kay: "Yeah, we got a lot of those around here. The box?"

The Doctor: "It it not a box, nor is it little --"

Chris: [Whacks the inside walls with his stick.] "Seems like a solid enough box to me, and it ain't much bigger than a porta-john."

The Doctor: "This is the TARDIS. Or was. Now who are you and where am I?"

Kay: "I'm Kay. This is Chris. You're inside the Teferact."

The Doctor: "Teferact? What does that even stand for?"

Kay: "Teflon Tesseract. Don't look at me like that, Alex went and picked the name. So what does yours stand for, then?"

The Doctor: "Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. Which means that it ought to be a great deal larger inside, and include my control room, and my bedroom, and the loo! I've been trapped in there for an hour, and I'm positively floating!"

Kay: "If you need to pee, Doc, find a bush. We're a ways in from the Rim here." [Pause. Kay goes back to talking with Alex on the phone.] "Alex, we pulled a guy out of the box who's talking like he's got a Tef of his own. I'm thinking we've found your problem."

Alex: "Well, that's progress. Tell our guest that his relative dimensions seem to be jammed in the manifold where his equipment is in contact with ours. He'll have to shut down all the active processes, wait for you to haul the thing outside the Ring, then reboot."

Kay: "Chris, we need to move that phone booth out of here."

Chris: "I'll go get the pickup truck." [Jogs away.]

Kay: "Doc, shut down anything that's still running in that box of yours."

The Doctor: "I doubt very much that anything is still running, as my TARDIS has collapsed to the size of an actual call box. Regardless, I cannot access the control room."

Kay: "Point. So what brings you here, Doc?"

The Doctor: "I was traveling to quite a different destination altogether, when I picked up a disturbance in the time-space continuum. That dragged me off course. It seems that something caused a rupture in reality --"

Kay: [Laughs.] "Doc, that was months ago!"

The Doctor: "When I tried to land and offer my assistance, something went wrong with the materialization sequence."

Kay: "Yeah, Alex and Ash rigged up some firewalls. We don't like people dropping into the Ring unnannounced. Invasions are pesky, you know."

The Doctor: "I'm not here to invade you! I'm here to assist you!"

Kay: "Knock yourself out. If Alex and Ash and Tim can't put reality back together in perfect working order, I don't think all the king's horses and all the king's men could do it either. Besides, I kinda like it here. I've had worse jobs."

[Engine approaches and shuts off.]

Chris: "Right, let's just tip your phone booth onto the flatbed trailer here, and I'll get you out so you can try your gear outside."

Kay: [Panting.] "I don't think this is working. The damn thing won't budge."

Chris: "I'll try the winch." [Chains rattle. Small motor whirrs, then whines.]

The Doctor: "Be careful with that! She's a very delicate piece of equipment!"

Chris: "It seems to be stuck. I've pulled a Volvo out of a mudhole with this rig, so I don't think it's a matter of weight. Kay, call Alex and ask her what's up, would you?"


Schrodinger's Heroes also has a menu post.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-05-25 02:38 pm (UTC)
aldersprig: an ancient-looking world map (map)
From: [personal profile] aldersprig
Oooh, the poor TARDIS!!! O_O

Re: Well...

Date: 2011-05-27 11:39 pm (UTC)
aldersprig: picture of tea pouring (tea1)
From: [personal profile] aldersprig
*sadfaces*

*doesn't have a sadface icon*

Re: Well...

Date: 2011-05-27 11:57 pm (UTC)
aldersprig: an egyptian sandcat looking out of a terra-cotta pipe (Drake)
From: [personal profile] aldersprig
indeed!

... okay, I suddenly had the urge to knit a Möbius Dr. scarf...

Re: Well...

Date: 2011-05-28 12:04 am (UTC)
aldersprig: an egyptian sandcat looking out of a terra-cotta pipe (Default)
From: [personal profile] aldersprig
yes, that, exactly!!

Re: Well...

Date: 2011-05-28 12:09 am (UTC)
aldersprig: picture of tea pouring (tea1)
From: [personal profile] aldersprig
*bounce* awesome.

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