Crying Men

[ysabetwordsmith]

cornerofmadness posted this incident from a writer's group:

This week has me thinking about the shape of grief and writing it. Of course grief is different for everyone and that's one of the things we have to remember. Cop shows love to make a huge deal out of people being unemotional being guilty of murder. Women weep uncontrollably. etc etc. This takes me to one of the more contentious (and it was very mild at that) critique with someone in my writers group (it still could use new blood if you're interested) He was adamant 'men don't cry' and was very upset that I had a male character crying.


I write a lot of crying men. Part of that is because of the characters I find interesting. Some cry because they're broken. Some do it because they're in touch with their feelings. A lot of mayhem happens in my writing, after all, they've got their reasons. But part of it is because I think "boys / men don't cry" is stupid and dangerous, along with it's factually false, and I just like stabbing holes in genderboxes. Maybe it's just that I have a largely masculine personality in a presumably female body.

Here are some of my pieces with crying boys / men...


Hankie warning on everything below.

"The Accidental Hero"

"Between a Whale's Past and Present"

"Brief Bright Flames"

"Come to a New Point of View"

"Coming Around" Part 6

"Coming in from the Cold: Sunday: Shaking Foundations" Part 6

"Define Your Own Reality"

"Diamond Finger"

"Dolls and Guys" (Part 2 of 13)
"Dolls and Guys" (Part 3 of 13)

"A Double-Edged Sword"

"An Ember of the Old Emotions"

"The Face of Ruin and Despair"

"Fall into Despair"

"The Fledging"

"Forever in Your Broken Heart"

"The Fullness of Life"

"Gathered Here Today"

"Gone the Sun"
Bonus: a man wearing makeup.

"The Gossamer Threads of Trust"

"The Greatest Legacy"

"Hacking Perceptions"

"Hide and Seek" Part 29

"A Hint of the Resurrection"

"How to Hold the Darkness"

"How Much Love We Put in That Action"

"Igor's Creature"

"An Impetuous Presence"

"In the Depths of Your Grief"

"Lifeyears"

"Little and Broken, but Still Good" Part 1

"The Love of Brothers"

"Love Is for Children" (Part 11 of 14)

"More Than Blood"

"The Most Terrible Poverty"

"Moving Objects with His Hands"

"The New Beginnings of Soft Greens"

"No Winter Lasts Forever" (Part 3)
"No Winter Lasts Forever" (Part 4)
"No Winter Lasts Forever" (Part 68)

"The Noblest of All Animals"

"Not a Sudden Problem"

"The Oldest Associations"

"The Only Thing Sweeter"

"Out of Suffering"

"Safe Keeping" Part 1

"The So-Called Truths"

"Soldier Boy"

"Subhan'Allah"

"Switching Out"

"The Things You Do"

"Those Tiny, Negative Elements"

"Tiger Tracks"

"To Endure Pain with Patience"

"To Give Suffering a Location"

"Turnabout Is Fair Play" (Part 5 of 6)

"Two Spirits, One Past" (Part 2 of 12)

"Uncertain Miracles"

"An Understanding of the Dangers"

"The (Un)Whole Truth"

"A Useful, Temporary Shield"

"Vigil Ante"

"A Voice from Beyond"

"Who Stands Beside Me"

"Will Not"

"Your Pain, Your Greatest Ally"


From the unpublished stuff, this triptych is all about male grief:
MARIONETTES

"Help Others to Grow Up"
Story Date: July, 2014
Summary: A worn-down Mobster and a superbaby find comfort in each other.
781 lines, Buy It Now = $391

"The Sound of Anguish"
Story Date: Saturday, August 2, 2014
Summary: Hector Jefferson supports a bereaved friend.
194 lines, Buy It Now = $97
Available for posting after "Help Others to Grow Up" has been sponsored and published.

"A Heaviness of Heart"
Story Date: Saturday, August 2, 2014
Summary: Frettoloso finds out that Boss Chiefari was murdered.
337 lines, Buy It Now = $169
Available for posting after "Help Others to Grow Up" and "The Sound of Anguish" have been sponsored and published.


Notice that these guys have lots of different things to feel sad about, and they express their upset in somewhat different ways. Whatever helps is fine.

It's okay to cry. It has to be, because the world breaks everyone sooner or later. Gender has nothing to do with it. And don't let anyone tell you different.

If you want more crying men, I'm happy to write them anytime. I like doing my part for the emotional health of the world. Tuesday's fishbowl theme will be "Montessori Literature as a Genre" and that matches emotional intelligence, so it's a good opportunity.


What are some of your favorite stories about crying boys / men?

Comments

[cmcmck]

Try telling that to my other half when he had to deal with his mother's death.

He needed my comfort and he needed to be able to cry!

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Exactly. In fact that exact scenario is in one of the poems.

[shadowkat]

Some people need to watch the Olympics, there are lots of crying male aesthetes on the Olympics.

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

LOL yes. The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat ... and the world's most famous yardsale off a ski jump. :D Followed by manly tears of medal loss and mangled limbs.

Ever watch a sprinter separate a tendon in a race? They often try to limp a few steps toward the finish line before curling up like a cooked shrimp and wailing.

Re: Yes ...

[shadowkat]

Thanks for ignoring the typo. For some reason the internet didn't like my spelling of "athlete" and changed it to "aesthetes".

Exactly. I had just watched a male gymnast from the Ukraine sobbing in his coach's arms after falling on the bars.

Re: Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Ouchie. The bars are not kind. The only equipment I can think of that's meaner are the balance beam and the trampoline, both prone to cause crippling injuries from a bad fall.

Re: Yes ...

[shadowkat]

Laurie Henderson (former Gold medalist and commentator/analyst for the women's gymnastics for NBC) stated the two hardest apparatus were apparently the balance beam and the "impossible" bars. She said both generated the most falls on average. Although this Olympics was insane? Everyone but two people fell on the balance beam. Both Simone Biles and Sunni Lee fell. On the Impossible Bars - about four people fell, and several in warmup. Justin (male former gold medalist and commentator) said the high bar and rings were close to impossible. This Olympics? Everyone but two gymnasts fell on the high bar. Two tied for bronze - and both fell. The commentators were thinking someone needed to check the apparatuses.

You're right about the trampoline. My cousin screwed up his back and neck on the trampoline, took him years to recover. That was just in his back yard. I was watching it? It's dangerous.

Re: Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

You always floor-check the apparatus after a fall, because that can knock things out of proper alignment. If two people fall, who normally know what they're doing, then it's time to call a technician for a closer look. Otherwise you can get someone killed.

Re: Yes ...

[shadowkat]

They did on the uneven bars, but weirdly not on the beam - and there were six falls. The commentators stated that it can be contagious, but even the commentators at a certain point thought they needed to have someone to check the beam. (This is the Paris Olympics.)

[cornerofmadness]

this is true too.

[shadowkat]

Oops. It should have been athletes. Stupid internet spell check changed it on me. LOL! (Thanks for ignoring the typo.)

[cornerofmadness]

Yes figured autocorrect was at play again

[cornerofmadness]

You make a good point about it being dangerous to keep pushing that men don't cry narrative

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

It's abusive and emotionally crippling at best, fatal at worst.

Re: Yes ...

[cornerofmadness]

exactly