Meta: "Why I Love Wednesday Addams" Part 7: Trust and Betrayal

[ysabetwordsmith]

This installment discusses the themes of trust and betrayal, hope and disappointment regarding Wednesday Addams in Wednesday.

Here is the character study:
Meta: "Why I Love Wednesday Addams" Part 1: Introduction
Meta: "Why I Love Wednesday Addams" Part 2: Ethnicity & Linguistics
Meta: "Why I Love Wednesday Addams" Part 3: An Outcast
Meta: "Why I Love Wednesday Addams" Part 4: Thoughts and Feelings
Meta: "Why I Love Wednesday Addams" Part 5: Relationships
Meta: "Why I Love Wednesday Addams" Part 6: Solitary Accomplishments
Meta: "Why I Love Wednesday Addams" Part 7: Trust and Betrayal
Meta: "Why I Love Wednesday Addams" Part 8: Connected Characters
Meta: "Why I Love Wednesday Addams" Part 9: Enid

See also:
"Why I Love Wednesday Addams" Part 1: Introduction


The whole mess of relationships in Wednesday relates to the recurring themes of trust and betrayal, hope and disappointment, throughout Season 1. Since these themes also play major roles in both Gothic literature and teen drama, you can see why the two genres mesh so well. Episode 1 starts out with Wednesday's parents Gomez and Morticia hoping that Wednesday will like Nevermore Academy, while Wednesday expects only more disappointment. Enid Sinclair immediately puts her trust in Wednesday, trying to create a friendship out of thin air; this quickly hits the rocks, although they become surprisingly close despite their difficulties. Wednesday routinely betrays people, from breaking school rules to breaking into Xavier Thorpe's art shed. She is betrayed in turn by Tyler Galpin, who eventually raises his level of creepiness to where even Wednesday looks horrified by it. There's a lot of vulnerability in play.
Hope and trust are about expectations. Disappointment and betrayal are about expectancy violation. Part of growing up, or surviving a horror series, is learning to manage your expectations. This requires clear communication, which Wednesday is bad at, Enid is not finished learning, and villains actively avoid. However, it offers tremendous potential for the series going forward. How will characters deal with the disappointments and betrayals? Will Wednesday choose to stay a loner, or try to learn better relationship skills in hopes of maintaining friends or at least allies? Will Enid realize that Wednesday has little experience with friendship and less social perception, thus violating expectations as much out of ignorance as indifference? Solid canonical evidence exists for a range of interpretations.

Wednesday Addams: And just like that, my hopes were dashed against the rocks of bitter disappointment. My foe was no psychotic killer. More like a bunch of high school clowns.
-- Best Wednesday Quotes

Wednesday Addams: How many fathers hand their daughter a fencing blade when she's five?
Gomez Addams: Your saber strokes were an essay in perfection.
Wednesday Addams: Or teach her how to swim with sharks?
Gomez Addams: They found you as cold-blooded as I do.
Wednesday Addams: The right way to flay a rattlesnake?
Gomez Addams: They really do taste like chicken when prepared properly.
Wednesday Addams: The point is, you taught me how to be strong and independent. How to navigate myself in a world full of treachery and prejudice. You are the reason I understand how imperative it is that I never lose sight of myself. So as far as fatherhood goes, I would say you've been more than adequate.
Gomez Addams: Gracias, Wednesday.
This quote comes from a TV series ‘Wednesday’. The scene where this moment comes from is from Season 1 Episode 5, with the title of ‘You Reap What You Woe’

Enid: Wish me luck.
Wednesday: If he breaks your heart, I'll nail gun his.
-- Best Wednesday Addams Quotes

"There are monsters everywhere. And sometimes the monsters we least suspect are the most dangerous. They don’t need teeth and claws to terrify. They hide in the shadows until no one is looking. And then they strike."
-- Wednesday Addams

Wednesday Addams: I always believed relying on other people to be a sign of weakness. That inevitably they would lead me to disappointment. Turns out I've been the disappointment.
This quote comes from a TV series ‘Wednesday’. The scene where this moment comes from is from Season 1 Episode 8, with the title of ‘A Murder of Woes’

Wednesday Addams: Do you always speak in riddles?
Goody Addams: Do you always seek simple answers? The path of a Raven is a solitary one. You end up alone, unable to trust others, only seeing the darkness within them.
Wednesday Addams: Is that supposed to scare me?
Goody Addams: It should.
-- Best Wednesday Quotes

Xavier Thorpe: When I was in the cell I said a lot of... things. Being your friend should come with a warning label. But... I don't know a lot of people who would take an arrow for me. So... Welcome to the 21st century, Addams. (gifts her a smartphone) My number's in there already.
Wednesday Addams: That's a bold move. I hope you're not expecting me to call.
Xavier Thorpe: No, never. I'd settle for a text, though.
This quote comes from a TV series ‘Wednesday’. The scene where this moment comes from is from Season 1 Episode 8, with the title of ‘A Murder of Woes’

10 Weaknesses Wednesday Addams Doesn't Want You to Know

12 Surefire Ways to Get a Creepy Guy to Leave You Alone

Betrayal: The Feeling of Being Broken ... and the Recovery

Communicating in Difficult Situations

Dealing with Betrayal

Dive Deep Into What Makes Your Characters Vulnerable

HEALTHY EXPECTATIONS IN A RELATIONSHIP: LEARN WHAT TO EXPECT IN A RELATIONSHIP – AND WHAT TO FORGET

How to Rebuild Trust

How To Write Saucy Betrayals

Relational Transgression

The Role Of Trust And Expectations In Relationships

Trust Building

We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations

What Makes a Guy Creepy? 24 Signs & Types of Men Girls Should Avoid

Women share their best tactics for scaring away 'creepy' men in public


Unlike many misanthropes, though, Wednesday is still somewhat motivated by social emotions like guilt and shame. They're just personally focused more than communally focused, and not always with the usual triggers or interpretations. Where other people feel uncomfortable if they fail to meet society's standards, Wednesday feels uncomfortable if she fails to meet her own standards. This helps explain actions that otherwise seem to conflict with her cold and indifferent personality.
For instance, visiting Eugene Ottinger in the hospital after the monster attacks him isn't something she would normally do. But she thinks of Eugene as a little brother, and she feels significantly responsible for his injury because she went to a social event instead of monster-hunting with him. Failing to protect him makes her feel bad.
Taking an arrow for Xavier Thorpe in Episode 8 is surprising because Wednesday doesn't even particularly like him. After mistakenly accusing him and setting him up to get arrested in Episode 7, though, she feels bad not so much about harming him as about being wrong. That creates an uncomfortable imbalance in the relationship. So protecting him fixes that imbalance.
Wednesday doesn't care much about what other people think, but she cares a lot about being right and being competent, so if others see her as being wrong and inept, that does bother her. She's also very territorial, about people as well as places or things. Those factors influence how she treats others.

Morticia Addams: That boy's family was going to file attempted murder charges. How would that have looked on your record?
Wednesday Addams: Terrible. Everyone would know I failed to get the job done.
This quote comes from a TV series ‘Wednesday’. The scene where this moment comes from is from Season 1 Episode 1, with the title of ‘Wednesday’s Child Is Full of Woe’

Wednesday Addams: I want to assure you that I remain just as cold and heartless as the first day we met.
Dr. Valerie Kinbott: I doubt a cold, heartless person. would be sitting by her friend's bedside. feeling some modicum of guilt for his condition.
-- Best Wednesday Quotes

"For someone who claims to have no friends you certainly go out of your way to protect them."
-- Principal Weems

"There’s nothing quite like the feeling of being proven right."
-- Wednesday Addams

3 Ways to Be More Thoughtful

How To Deal With Inconsiderate People

How to Not Care What People Think, According to 23 Experts

The Importance of Competence

Learn How To Stop Being Mean Unintentionally

Sometimes you have to choose between being right and being effective

Why Shame and Guilt Are Functional For Mental Health

Comments

[see_also_friend]

>>...to breaking into Xavier Thorpe's art shed.<<

This seems to be common knowledge to artists and uncommon among almost everyone else: Do not go poking around an artist's works unless/until they are ready to share their work. (Applies to sketchbooks, dance practice, private art studios, etc)

>>Unlike many misanthropes, though, Wednesday is still somewhat motivated by social emotions like guilt and shame. <<

It is possible for someone to chose misanthropy due to finding other humans annoying. Constantly being guilt-tripped or shamed would count, so in other words, some misanthropes may become misanthropic because of social emotion.

Alternately, some misanthropes may have normal-ish social needs, but find the offered socialization either does not meet their needs or makes things much worse.

>>She's also very territorial, about people as well as places or things. Those factors influence how she treats others.<<

Compare to old styles of lordship, feudalism, etc. The Lord may not care about an individual serf or an individual scrap of land, but will care about the insult offered when someone does not respect his sovereignty. Then we get a social system where the entire lord's household (or demesne, or whatever) collectively looks out for each other. Seems bizarre to modern post-WWII, but it does make a sort of sense.

And the Addams family are quite often written as an Old Blood, Old Money family, who are politely befuddled by all these 'quaint new customs.'

[greghousesgf]

I don't even look over somebody's shoulder if they're using their sketchpad.

[see_also_friend]

And from that, I can infer that you are either an artist yourself; or have spent a lot of time with artists.

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

LOL yes, there's definitely an art culture, and more broadly, creative culture.

[greghousesgf]

both.

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

That'll do it.

I suspect a lot of creative viewers were seriously creeped out by Wednesday's behavior.

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

That probably makes you popular with artists.

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> This seems to be common knowledge to artists and uncommon among almost everyone else: Do not go poking around an artist's works unless/until they are ready to share their work. (Applies to sketchbooks, dance practice, private art studios, etc) <<

I have observed this too.

Wednesday has a fine grasp of her own boundaries ("This is my writing time.") but a terrible grasp of anyone else's. I think she's the kind of person who needs someone to spell out for her why certain actions cause problems and what else to do instead. Fortuitously, she has a werewolf roommate who, while hobbled by adolescent angst and inexperience, is a pack creature with fluent social skills. But that depends on Enid realizing that in addition to giving zero effs, Wednesday also has zero clue when it comes to social interactions. Once Enid figures that out, however, she can explain, "Wednesday, when you dig into Xavier's art stuff, he feels the way you do about people digging into your writing stuff. So if you want to see something, ask first."

>> It is possible for someone to chose misanthropy due to finding other humans annoying. <<

Well, that's obviously true for Wednesday, because she says things about it all the time. She often tells people to go away, leave her alone, or at least be quiet. She avoids touch as much as possible. She's bothered by noise and colors -- clearly sensory avoidant, which makes a disaster out of sharing a room with sensory-seeking Enid. When other people are always uncomfortable or downright painful to be around, of course you wind up hating them.

>> Constantly being guilt-tripped or shamed would count, so in other words, some misanthropes may become misanthropic because of social emotion.<<

Also true, though I suspect Wednesday would find it more annoying than effective. Her feelings of guilt or shame seem primarily focused on breaking her own rules, rather than other people's, because she is routinely displeasing to others so it's not really worth worrying about.

>> Alternately, some misanthropes may have normal-ish social needs, <<

Clearly not true of Wednesday, but ...

>> but find the offered socialization either does not meet their needs or makes things much worse. <<

... it's certainly true that offered socialization rarely if ever meets her needs. I think the closest is actually Eugene, who is intensely loyal and also doesn't fight her for dominance. Wednesday very quickly slotted him into the "little brother" role, and that's not something she does lightly.

Enid has tons of chemistry, but those girls need to get on the same page and realize that a mixed relationship requires a massive amount of work. If they're willing, they have great potential. But if they don't realize it or aren't willing to put in the work, they'll just keep tripping over each other, which is not fun.

>> Compare to old styles of lordship, feudalism, etc. The Lord may not care about an individual serf or an individual scrap of land, but will care about the insult offered when someone does not respect his sovereignty. Then we get a social system where the entire lord's household (or demesne, or whatever) collectively looks out for each other. Seems bizarre to modern post-WWII, but it does make a sort of sense.<<

It works great if you know dominance theory AND how to apply it for maximum effect. A lord who terrorizes his people will be hated and feared, always has to watch his back, and is eventually exhausted by the effort. A lord who rules fairly, rewards good behavior, and punishes only at need will be respected, admired, and defended against outside enemies. Wednesday has no ever-living clue about this. She has dominant instincts, she's aggressive and even protective, but she doesn't understand the need to avoid abusing her own people, to be reliable, or to cultivate relationships through a mutual exchange of benefits. I get the distinct impression that Morticia excels at that social stuff, and is exasperated that her daughter does not -- because Wednesday pretty clearly can't see and doesn't understand a lot of social signals and boundaries.

>> And the Addams family are quite often written as an Old Blood, Old Money family, who are politely befuddled by all these 'quaint new customs.' <<

That fits.

Re: Yes ...

[see_also_friend]

>>Fortuitously, she has a werewolf roommate who, while hobbled by adolescent angst and inexperience, is a pack creature with fluent social skills.<<

I'd think that Enid a) being an extrovert, b) being from a large family and c) being from a communal-minded community* would have more to do with her skills than "she's a werewolf; werewolves have good social skills."
*Assuming that the werewolf community is fairly prosocial and teaches these skills.

>>If they're willing, they have great potential. But if they don't realize it or aren't willing to put in the work, they'll just keep tripping over each other, which is not fun.<<

Another potential problem: Enid decided to be friends and decided to do it on her own terms...and then blamed Wednesday for it not going well. If that pattern continues, it will end very badly.

>>She has dominant instincts, she's aggressive and even protective, but she doesn't understand the need to avoid abusing her own people, to be reliable, or to cultivate relationships through a mutual exchange of benefits. <<

Maybe one of her friends will begin 'translating' the social stuff for her. Too bad that she's probably a bit young for a social secretary...actually I can imagine her trying to get Eugene to handle her social stuff, and then it wouldn't quite work and someone else has to step in to teach him a bit of assertiveness (and maybe point out that Wednesday should buy him some fudge or something as a thank-you).

>>I get the distinct impression that Morticia excels at that social stuff, and is exasperated that her daughter does not -- because Wednesday pretty clearly can't see and doesn't understand a lot of social signals and boundaries.<<

Reminds me of the whole setup of Brave - Silk Hiding Steel mother who can't effectively communicate with her daughter who is a bit of a tomboy and prefers Dad, who is oblivious of all the social stuff his wife does...

Re: Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I'd think that Enid a) being an extrovert, b) being from a large family and c) being from a communal-minded community* would have more to do with her skills than "she's a werewolf; werewolves have good social skills."
*Assuming that the werewolf community is fairly prosocial and teaches these skills.<<

I agree that extroversion is a prevailing aspect. We don't know if there are introverted werewolves, but if there are, I suspect it's uncommon. We do know that being a "lone wolf" is generally considered undesirable and Enid especially hates the idea of it. This implies that werewolf society leans communal. That doesn't necessarily mean they all have large families, but a bunch of primally motivated communal people are likely to lean in that direction.

So while the traits could occur outside of werewolves, I think that confluence probably prevails within their culture. If they want to have some focus rather than just relying on instinct, they'll need education.

>>Another potential problem: Enid decided to be friends and decided to do it on her own terms...and then blamed Wednesday for it not going well. If that pattern continues, it will end very badly.<<

I agree. Look at it from Wednesday's perspective...

* She arrives tired and cranky from a long car ride.
* The room is physically and emotionally uncomfortable for her to be in, so she has to make a major cleaning effort just to make her half marginally habitable, and try to ignore the grating irritation of the other half.
* Her hyperactive roommate, who Wednesday doesn't know at all, insists that they are friends, keeps trying to get her attention, and wants to touch her.
* Enid also keeps doing things without being asked, expects that Wednesday will somehow "just know" to do a bunch of other things also without being asked, and then pouts and flounces when Enid doesn't get what she wants.
* Nor does Enid have any idea how exhausting her social demands are for Wednesday to perform -- even something as "simple" as apologizing to Thing. There go all of Wednesday's spoons for today and tomorrow. O_O (Though to be fair, Wednesday doesn't realize it costs Enid spoons to articulate things that a fellow Hint friend would simply intuit.)

I'd be looking for quiet corners of the school to hole up in rather than inhabit a room under those circumstances.

>> Maybe one of her friends will begin 'translating' the social stuff for her.<<

Or at least point her to useful books.

When I first encountered actual friends in a new high school, we realized very quickly that we needed to work on certain things or one of us was going to toss another down the stairs. We also realized that we needed some new interactive skills to get able to do things together. We decided it was worth the effort, so we did those things, and it worked. But we hadn't needed them before, so we had to stop and think about it. Wednesday and Enid both need new skills for each other, but they are not thinking about it. That is a problem.

>> Too bad that she's probably a bit young for a social secretary...<<

I don't see age as a limit. It'd help.

>> actually I can imagine her trying to get Eugene to handle her social stuff, and then it wouldn't quite work and <<

That'd be a disaster, because he is a nerd, and nerds typically don't have great social skills. Certainly Eugene doesn't. Enid would be great at that, but she and Wednesday would have to figure out a lot of other stuff first.

>> someone else has to step in to teach him a bit of assertiveness (and maybe point out that Wednesday should buy him some fudge or something as a thank-you).<<

Those are good ideas. Wednesday absolutely needs to learn about favor-trading or some other means of rewarding people she wants as friends or allies. It's like plugging in a lamp, it doesn't run without an energy source.

>>Reminds me of the whole setup of Brave - Silk Hiding Steel mother who can't effectively communicate with her daughter who is a bit of a tomboy and prefers Dad, who is oblivious of all the social stuff his wife does...<<

Very astute.

I think part of the problem with Wednesday and Morticia is that, as Wednesday got older, Morticia started trying to teach her things and give her social responsibilities -- only to find that Wednesday's perceptions and traits are totally different, not suited to that at all. This frustrates both of them.

Conversely, Wednesday seems more in tune with her father, who taught her about things like surviving treachery. So I wonder if he's got the "how to manage allies" skills, which he could present to Wednesday.

Then again, she is most enthusiastic about Uncle Fester -- she actually smiled when she saw him, as contrasted with her surly greeting of Thing -- which makes me suspect he's the "fun uncle" who does wild things with her and doesn't expect much if any actual work.

Re: Yes ...

[see_also_friend]

>>* Nor does Enid have any idea how exhausting her social demands are for Wednesday to perform -- even something as "simple" as apologizing to Thing. There go all of Wednesday's spoons for today and tomorrow. O_O (Though to be fair, Wednesday doesn't realize it costs Enid spoons to articulate things that a fellow Hint friend would simply intuit.)<<

I've had people demand I do stuff I don't want to do...and then when I give in, the goalpoasts move and I still am not 'good enough.' Annoying! :/

>>Or at least point her to useful books.<<

Would Nevermore have useful books? Most of the information on this seems to be fairly recent, and a decent chunk of that is on the internet. Most magic school stories posit that the magicals/Fae/whomever have a more traditional mindset, and Wednesday at least seems to hold true to that. (To be fair, Enid and Xavier have smartphones...but that still doesn't imply anything about the library. Maybe one of them could special-order a book, if they know a good one?)

>>I don't see age as a limit. It'd help.<<

I usually hear of people getting them for jobs/social positions that are a bit more demanding than what a high-schooler would have. Plus (while it may not apply to the Addamses,) for most people, hiring an assistant for their kid would not be cost effective.

>>That'd be a disaster, because he is a nerd, and nerds typically don't have great social skills. Certainly Eugene doesn't. Enid would be great at that, but she and Wednesday would have to figure out a lot of other stuff first.<<

Ah, but Eugene would be the most likely person to go along with Wednesday demanding "You! Deal with this [people stuff]!"* It would go horribly wrong, and Enid would likely get stuck trying to sort it all out anyway (though that could be a good nudge towards her prompting Wednesday and possibly Eugene to try new social skills).
*Enid would demand social reciprocity, Xavier would say no in a huff, Biance would say no and laugh.

>>It's like plugging in a lamp, it doesn't run without an energy source.<<

And the energy source has to match. Lamps run on electric, people run on pizza!

>>So I wonder if he's got the "how to manage allies" skills, which he could present to Wednesday.<<

As long as he doesn't try to outsource the lessons to Morticia. (Sometimes people will do this, assuming that other people can fix something because the assigning person wants it to be so - and people don't work that way.)

>>Then again, she is most enthusiastic about Uncle Fester -- she actually smiled when she saw him, as contrasted with her surly greeting of Thing -- which makes me suspect he's the "fun uncle" who does wild things with her and doesn't expect much if any actual work.<<

They seem to be the closest match personality-wise ("Well, I /do/ like stabbing things"), and in most iterations he is the freestyle confirmed bachelor uncle, which would be fairly appealing to a teenager who is in "I-don't-want-marriage-and-kids-and-eff-social-convention" mode.

I wonder if Uncle Fester might teach her some social skills? He'd need some, however unconventional, if he has stayed ahead of the law for so long. Plus he hangs around with outcasts from the Outcast community*, and people like that tend to have interesting perspective on the system and how to hack them.
*He mentioned having a Hyde friend (or girlfriend? not sure) at one point

Re: Yes ...

[see_also_friend]

>>I have observed this too.<<

It's interesting that it seems to crop up independently of teaching. I wonder if artists and creative folk have brains wired to see art more as, hmm, a child or sensory organ or something special and personal and 'no-touchy' moreso than logical-minded folks?

Re: Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

I think it's more that art is so often mocked, and artists so often picked on, that they learn to be defensive about it. It's not hard to guess the right action if you and the other person have similar experiences, feelings, and interests.

Re: Yes ...

[see_also_friend]

That makes sense. The emotional imprint seems to be "That's mine/private!" or "It's not ready!"

And especially performance art, like dance* - well, it often isn't finished until rehearsal is done and you've worked out the problems, and you're using the show outfits/lighting/costumes. Plus, a lot of people might be self-conscious at earlier stages.


*I am not a dancer, and I usually don't like being stared at.

Re: Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> That makes sense. The emotional imprint seems to be "That's mine/private!" or "It's not ready!" <<

Both vitally important boundaries. I will note that doing anything in public undermines the "private" argument. But a closed shed is in no way ambiguous.

>> And especially performance art, like dance* - well, it often isn't finished until rehearsal is done and you've worked out the problems, and you're using the show outfits/lighting/costumes. Plus, a lot of people might be self-conscious at earlier stages.<<

Prevailingly true.

>> *I am not a dancer, and I usually don't like being stared at.<<

The main exception I've seen is theatrical folks, who have lower than average boundaries. After you've stripped off a million times and helped a castmate stuff her boobs into a bodice, you just stop caring or even noticing.

Re: Yes ...

[see_also_friend]

>>Both vitally important boundaries. I will note that doing anything in public undermines the "private" argument. But a closed shed is in no way ambiguous.<<

A closed sketchbook is more private than one in your lap, but body language and position will often indicate how private the contents are. A painting in a group studio will be looked at, but people shouldn't offer criticism on the painting unless invited to do so (though a sincere compliment is probably fine).

It's like door etiquette - doors are boundaries, but how you interact with them depends on a lot of things: status, position of the door, familiarity/context...

>>The main exception I've seen is theatrical folks, who have lower than average boundaries. After you've stripped off a million times and helped a castmate stuff her boobs into a bodice, you just stop caring or even noticing.<<

Well, also control for different ingroup/outgroup expectations. People might be totally chill about castmates or crewmates seeing them half-naked, but object to some random person off the street seeing them half-naked. Ditto for context - appropriately dressed for the theatre might still feel uncomfortable at work/in class/at church.

And while the practicalities of theatre* (open, permeable space) often mean you can't ban all the non-theatre folks during rehearsal, it would still feel a bit weird to have a lot of outsiders unexpectedly come and watch a very rough rehearsal.
*might apply in other contexts, like ice skating rinks

...any theatre folks out there want to weigh in?