Hard Things

[ysabetwordsmith]

Life is full of things which are hard or tedious or otherwise unpleasant that need doing anyhow. They help make the world go 'round, they improve skills, and they boost your sense of self-respect. But doing them still kinda sucks. It's all the more difficult to do those things when nobody appreciates it. Happily, blogging allows us to share our accomplishments and pat each other on the back.

What are some of the hard things you've done recently? What are some hard things you haven't gotten to yet, but need to do? Is there anything your online friends could do to make your hard things a little easier?

Comments

Re: This is one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with.

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Not a thing I foresee them doing; various congregants have visited here at the house throughout 20 years but not one for religious purposes. He had a friend for the last 5 years, Friend moved away in '18 and maybe 1x yearly visits the congregation and then visits the house. Office Lady suggesting online courses is typical. <<

You might want to talk to them about that. What do they claim their group is FOR anyhow? Is it to make money? To worship? To hang out? To minister to a community? Somewhere they ought to have bylaws or a mission statement specifying that. Some congregations have a committee or the like that makes sure all members -- even the shut-ins -- get regular contact. Online courses are useful for information but less so for socializing.

>> "It's a place of worship and also a business," <<

Those two things are often in disagreement. It's important to know which takes priority when they conflict. This sounds like what you have is really more of a business and social club with religious trappings.

>> I am worried about his spiraling into depression.<<

That's quite likely. Many old people become depressed, often because their situation is depressing. On top of the physical ills, they are often ostracized or abused. Look at all the social brouhaha about how dangerous loneliness is. Most of it basically blames lonely people for being lonely. But what do you do when nobody wants you around? Old people are often forced out of public life. Businesses refuse to permit them in, or require a doctor's approval -- which denies them the right to make their own decisions and live a free life. Well, it's better to be alone than be with abusers or people who obviously don't want you around. Having a supportive community is a luxury that many people are denied. Of course many of them get depressed. It's an ugly type of emotional starvation.

Spiritual work is often HARD work. It means dealing with people who are a pain in the ass, because those are the kinds of people who need that care the most. If people approach this as a business -- which is inherently self-serving -- then those needs won't get met. Very few want to do the hard work of interacting with those who are difficult, and so lots of people wind up being isolated.

That's only going to get worse as families continue to shrink, jobs get even less reliable, and churches lose members. If the churches are now also being run more as businesses ... that's an additional factor undermining contact.

You might look around to see if there are other classes, activities, social groups, etc. that might appeal to him. It wouldn't be the same as one he's been with for years, but it might be better than nothing. Or have more accommodating people.

Re: This is one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with.

[pronker]

Or have more accommodating people. I've given this some thought; there is a more formal, larger venue in the same denomination that is farther away but still workable. He's attended a few functions there, doesn't agree with their core practices, and yet if it's this or nothing, he might choose to relocate on a regular basis. Thursday night went as usual; upon return, Spouse stated "if Worship Leader had an animus with me, he's not going to bring it up in front of others in the class." True enough. Today we'll see if the extra attention Spouse has paid to his cleanliness continues. I plan to text Office Lady right after Spouse leaves for the service and gauge her response before taking any action blocking, etc.

Very few want to do the hard work of interacting with those who are difficult, and so lots of people wind up being isolated. Boy howdy, it sure is. The group is filled with elders who are vital, non-handicapped, and amenable to physical activity. Beside the deceased man who had used a cushion in the ten years I knew him, there was a now deceased lady who towed her oxygen cart each time to services, bless her heart. Nobody attending now has a readily apparent disability except Spouse.

I may have given the wrong impression about the place. It's a private home bought especially for religious services and it's across the street from Worship Leader's home where he lives with his family so there's no handicapped ramp or other accommodations that official places have.