ysabetwordsmith | Hard Things

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ysabetwordsmith

Life is full of things which are hard or tedious or otherwise unpleasant that need doing anyhow. They help make the world go 'round, they improve skills, and they boost your sense of self-respect. But doing them still kinda sucks. It's all the more difficult to do those things when nobody appreciates it. Happily, blogging allows us to share our accomplishments and pat each other on the back.

What are some of the hard things you've done recently? What are some hard things you haven't gotten to yet, but need to do?

Current Mood: busy
Crossposts: https://ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com/4737157.html

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

technoshaman

Moving. DONE. Comparatively non-sucky but moving ALWAYS sucks.

Leaving my Desti-cat behind in a place where both she and I will be happier. (She needs people around as much of the time as she can get. I'm gone ten hours a day and asleep six to seven.)

Getting woke up by the boy-cats at 0330 (them discovering how to open the closet with the food in it) and again at 0600 (by pulling the curtain down not *quite* on top of me)... oof. My residual stress levels were more than they'd been in MONTHS.

Spending the last eighteen months working on the little grey cells so that the cranky from getting woke up by the boy-cats TWICE didn't even splatter much on *me*, much less on anyone else, two-foots or four. I was *grumbly* at the four-foots, but not snappish, and did not snap at any of the two foots at all. That was a LOT of work, some of it hard, some of it tedious, but dammit, I'm better than I was. Rather a lot.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Progress is good.

From:

alexseanchai

I am sorry that you will miss your kitty and I hope she is in fact happier

being better than you were is v good payoff for hard work

From:

Glad to hear moving is complete and hoping that all is on an even keel - that ought to make it less work to just live day to day.

From:

technoshaman

Slightly more than before - a short commute is now sub-30 minutes rather than sub-20... but better kitchen and I have my people in house, and that all alone drops my stress levels in ways I did not imagine.

From:

mama_kestrel

I am very glad. *HUGS*

Have cephalopods reached their intended recipients?

From:

technoshaman

One has. The other... long story.

From:

mama_kestrel

Does Magpie have theirs? I don't need to know reasons (at least not now or here), but I do need to know if it's been received.

From:

mama_kestrel

The intent is knitted into the 'pod itself. Once in their possession, there's a link between us if they're willing to permit one. If they aren't, it won't activate. I'll know if I try to send GoodThoughts and they bounce.

From:

technoshaman

Neat!

From:

Dealing with Aberdeen Council’s repairs services for the last couple of weeks after part of my bathroom floor caved in late at night. After having three emergency temporary repairs and far too many phone calls, the work to replace the floor is starting today.

Starting the editing on my huge shipper essay and trying not to miss too many mistakes and it is turning into something much more bigger than expected it to be.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Blargh. I wish you luck with that.

From:

Blargh indeed. Thanks.

From:

technoshaman

Yeep! Presumably the plumbing and/or roofing issue that caused that (am assuming something got wet and rotted) is being addressed as well?

Editing ALWAYS sucks. Like moving. Sympathy.

From:

I'm on the ground floor and it was initially a leak for the cause, the joiners found that it was a type of rot that's less aggressive than woodworm. The entire bathroom floor has been replaced and I also got all new bath, shower, sink and toilet fitted too.

Editing is hard. Thanks.

From:

technoshaman

Woo! Whole new bathroom! At least the trouble has been worth it?

From:

Yep, it has been worth it :)

From:

alexseanchai

oh joy

sympathy and strength

From:

I know, at least it's now fixed.

Thanks.

From:

Good luck on the flooring issue; we just don't realize the infrastructure that goes on beneath our feet until it's exposed. Yay for essay! :)

From:

Thanks, it's all fixed now. I'm in the not-yay phase with it just now.

From:

talewisefellowship

I somehow managed to pick up my library book after my first day of archaeology field school, bike home and eventually finish today's field journal even though for much of that time I was suffering from migraine and the aftereffects of motion sickness and had to rest it all off. And all on a mostly empty stomach! (turns out eating while recovering from motion sickness is a bad idea, you will get sick again, so i had to nap it off, then eat)

--janusz

Edited Date: 2018-05-30 08:16 am (UTC)

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> I somehow managed to pick up my library book after my first day of archaeology field school, bike home and eventually finish today's field journal <<

Yay!

>> even though for much of that time I was suffering from migraine and the aftereffects of motion sickness and had to rest it all off. <<

Boo!

>> And all on a mostly empty stomach! (turns out eating while recovering from motion sickness is a bad idea, you will get sick again, so i had to nap it off, then eat) <<

Depends on the person and the food.

* Many people can't eat when queasy or they feel worse.

* But some people get sick just from having an empty stomach, so they have to try eating something light, or it'll just get worse.

* Also most people find dry heaving monumentally worse than throwing up something. Drinking a little water or eating something like ice cream or applesauce is better than nothing.

* Anything greasy, heavy, too sweet, etc. is hard on the stomach.

* Light, easily digestible foods are good. BRAT is safe for most folks.

* In general, avoid strong flavors such as spices. But some herbs and spices can ease nausea. Ginger, peppermint, fennel, and chamomile are just a few.

* Some people find that strong odors make headaches worse, especially migraines.

* Other folks always carry their favorite essential oil blend for headaches. Again, there are lots of options, but lavender and peppermint seems to be popular.

Do what works for your body.

From:

talewisefellowship

It seems like we are one of those people who can't eat when queasy. Janusz was feeling better nausea-wise but was still suffering the effects of migraine. Then he tried eating a couple bites of rice, and the nausea came back in full force. He did drink a lot of water though, which helped. After he rested off the migraine and nausea, he was able to eat fine.

--Jack

From:

ysabetwordsmith

That sucks. But I am glad you've figured out how to handle it.

From:

technoshaman

YEEP. Empathy. Closest I ever came to wanting to Not Be was a bad case of motion sick... "just make it STOP!"

I hope your recovery was as successful as mine was... once we got back under way and the sickies stopped, I got some ginger ale and a pack of crackers and got things settled, and by the time we made port I was ready for *barbecue*...

From:

talewisefellowship

I recovered fully, I just really needed to take a serious nap

I love ginger ale!

--Janusz

From:

alexseanchai

oh that sounds like so many suck

glad you got through it!

From:

That day sounds like a trial, hope it improves the next day. I like candied ginger when nauseous .. and a little water but not too much because then the belly bloats up. Feel better soon!

From:

talewisefellowship

Oh it got much better. Thankfully I have a stockpile of dramamine so it doesn't happen again! (for archaeology field school we have to be driven to the excavation site and back 3 days a week)

Archaeology is so much more fun when youre not sick lol

--Janusz

From:

The first hard thing I have to do is get through each day until daughter is at her overnight therapeutic summer program (July 5).

Then I have to spend the time she’s away getting adjusted to taking synthroid. (Synthroid seems to make all my bipolar and ADHD issues worse because my brain isn’t used to going that much faster. And the generic dosage is poorly controlled. However, I’m getting joint pain.) My brain going faster will mean it’s harder to be on parallel tracks and make me impatient with everyone else who already can’t run on parallel tracks because of their own executive dysfunction.

But I’ll just keep moving forward...

From:

technoshaman

I hope you're getting the generic rather than the brand name you mention? it seems (according to the sources I've read) that the quality control on the generics are actually BETTER than on the brand...

Definite empathy for all of the effects of low T4. Brrrr. I hope I never have to go back there...

Also, suggestion, to take or leave: Set one of the parallel tracks as an empathy monitor? That way you can get ahead of the "oh they can't do that" backlash... Hopefully as you get used to being up to speed that will optimise out as not taking a lot of resources, but meantime having that soaking up some of the going faster will make it smoother for everybody, yourself included. One hopes, anyway. Good luck! Any sort of head meds are HARD...

From:

alexseanchai

wheeeeeeee

*sympathy*

From:

I sympathize with joint pain. It makes just moving around a trial. :(

From:

alexseanchai

Asked for help.

Need to clean apartment AAAAAAAA

From:

technoshaman

Empathy. So. Much.

From:

alexseanchai

Asking for help was so hard y'all

The ironic part is cleaning would be ever so much easier if I were significantly less stressed about it, and the stress correlates negatively to the apartment's cleanliness!

From:

No vermin in apartment? Then cleaning can wait. If there's vermin, oh well … :S

From:

alexseanchai

Roaches. Also inspection.

From:

Ew! Then cleaning it is. One more pile of manure to step over, as my mom would say.

From:

technoshaman

I realised just how abusive previous apartment management were when I discovered that they have to give you a *specific* time to enter, and they were "four day window no special arrangements no exceptions f*** you"... had I the resources I would have sued them *at that point*... Hmmm, I need to find the ways I need to get them back. (Surprise electrical system inspection...)

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Any kind of subsidized housing is a zillion times worse. Of course it's abusive. Landlords routinely do illegal things, counting on the fact that few people can afford to sue them, and when it happens it's just the cost of doing business.

Basically what it means is someone else holds your life hostage. The same happens with jobs that won't give you a schedule and health plans that require you to be accessible on demand at any time. You lose your ability to make any plans in advance, to take care of other people reliably, to attend important life events, to make appointments anywhere else -- to make promises at all, really. It's evil. People don't see it.

They do see the effects, but most folks don't realize where those problems are coming from. That their friends are unreliable because it has been taken from them. That they're depressed, anxious, or otherwise unhappy because they are being abused. All of that eats away at both the practical and psychological functionality of society.

From:

technoshaman

Welp, be it known that the Karma Kannon has been fired. (I just sent the city's electrical permit inspection people an email detailing the problem.) I may have a few more rounds before I'm done...

And I don't intend to let my *new* city government - or anyone else around me - get away with that shit if I can help it. Despite the number of zeroes on my paycheque I don't have a hell of a lot more than most people but I do have a few things: Enough to share sometimes, a damn fine community that has my back, and the fact that I pass for a member of the Dominant Paradigm Class.... I intend to use all of those *shamelessly*. All I want in return is a better world for *everyone*... which will include me, of course, but a me that is not just comfortable but *surrounded by happy people*. 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd.

From:

technoshaman

BANG! The inspector already got back to me. Dunno where it'll go from here, but DAMN I'm gonna miss having good city government. Time to get on building some new soon enough.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

One obvious course of action is that, any time people are getting screwed, you have a ready pool of potential activists waiting to be organized. In cases of institutional abuse, the target populations tend to be low in resources including activist skills. But it's like seeding clouds, once you add that information, things can happen.

From:

technoshaman

Ooooers.

From:

alexseanchai

You lose your ability to [...] make promises at all

*stares in everything just clicked together*

From:

technoshaman

.... wow, yeah. It's a deliberate attempt to deny us the ability to form community, which gives us our power. Nekulturniy degeneraty (Russki or no). We will be present at their funerals.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

I have been harping on this a while because it's one cluster in a wider pattern of social decay. People are forcibly deprived of control over their own lives, and then blamed for that as if it is a personal failing.

Much the same happens with being late or unable to reach an appointment.

* If someone is sick or injured and in need of care, they might move slower and have a harder time getting there.

* If they rely on public transportation, they're at the mercy of a system that isn't obligated to run on time, or at all really.

* If someone else has to drive them and that person flakes (or gets called into work) then no ride.

* If the construction job that was supposed to be done in a week takes two and clogs traffic, *everyone* going that route is now late.

* If someone has kids and the sitter is late, now that parent is late, because you can't leave kids unattended.

And somehow that means you don't deserve health care anymore, or any other type of appointment. I've seen a few exceptions where people had a good policy about appointment mishaps, but most of them are downright abusive now. How is it okay to fine someone $50 and tell them never to return, because the goddamn bus was late? That shoots help-seeking behavior right in the head.

And then they wonder why people "don't want help."

Society is broken, and the broken pieces grind together, and most folks just don't understand why everything sucks so much.

From:

alexseanchai

...what

how specific is specific

bc I'm told Jun 5 exterminator sometime between 10a and 4:30p

(and I would like to make it to work by 4p as scheduled)

From:

technoshaman

That's over the line. A four-hour window for services is industry standard. It either gets done in the morning, or it gets done in the afternoon. PICK ONE. Granted, for something where you don't know what you're getting into until you get there, you really can't be *more* precise than that... but still. If his window opens at 10 it closes at 2, or f*** him. (For inspections and such frankly it should be *more* precise.... but it would take looking up caselaw...)

Frankly unless it's something like termites you can probably solve it yourself; boric acid powder is good for getting medieval on most six-leggers (and more-leggers); sweep it into the cracks between floor and wall... and it's safe for four-leggers; it'll just taste sour and make them thirsty, like a seriously strong pickle. They won't generally mess with it more than once.

From:

alexseanchai

blagh. all I know about the Jun 1 inspection, time-wise, is "Jun 1".

augh. I need to get to work on cross-country job hunt and whatnot so I can bail the minute my lease is up.

Edited Date: 2018-05-30 07:38 pm (UTC)

From:

technoshaman

Okay. Look up your state landlord-tenant laws and see what they say. I suspect that if you're where I think you are, they're pretty liberal towards the tenant... and use the code section as a club over the landlord's virtual head.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

That's abusive, because it forces people to take a day off work -- a day they might not have available.

Compare that to appointments you make to go see someone. They give you a specific time, and nowadays if you're not there on time, they not only close your slot, they fine you and refuse to help you in the future.

It's not about help. It's about power. The powerless are forced to wait on the powerful.

Now if a place actually respects you? I've been in a few where 1) the typical wait time is 5 minutes or less, and 2) if they need paperwork filled out, they say so and stipulate how early to come to allow time for that. I consider 15 minutes of wiggle room to be professionally acceptable and 5 minutes to be impressive.

But few places are that good. They don't have to be, when they have people over a barrel and don't give a shit about their victims. The problems with this include a general erosion of professionalism and social glue, and the cascade effect of one professional's slovenly office organization mangling the schedules of everyone connected with their primary victim.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

I have noticed that professional standards are largely a thing of the past. Often people don't even bother to show up and don't call to say why not. Some providers are reliable, but it is increasingly rare. In my experience, if I can't do something myself, it is unlikely to get done right, or at all. This is maddening.

From:

technoshaman

Depends... if the critters are four-legged, that's what cats are for. If six, then it's time for actual cleaning followed by boric acid powder.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

My sympathies.

From: (Anonymous)

Clockworklady: I've just finished a university class, gotten over a cold/hives/scalp psoriasis, helped my boyfriend sort out things for moving (including putting clothes in my storage), finished an important work task, got sleepless over the cold nights. As my current job could end in a month, I freaked out and paid some bills months in advance. Yep, that was sensible.
Thankfully, I was able to get a storage container big enough for two cardboard boxes of children's books. I'm definitely getting one for the box of children's clothes because cardboard gets holes and silverfish nasties. Some of my brother's things were found and boxed up for him. I haven't decluttered much myself, but actually putting like things with like has meant that it'll easier for me to decide what to keep. I have removed some things of mine that have unhappy memories attached. It's about a shopping bag worth per week of things donated or given to co-workers/workplace. Things that can't be used by anyone have been recycled. Things that really aren't mine have been moved to the linen cupboard. I want to make space for things I want. I'm tackling the little wants to build up to the big wants.

From:

alexseanchai

hot damn that's a lot of work

good on the advance bills

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Hard things, but lots of progress. Go you!

From:

Did House Things. Some of these are difficult. All of them are expensive. /o\

I'm trying again to break my ~~ridiculous~~ fear of spider webs. Not the spiders, just the webs - and I mean, yell, flinch away from them, shy like a horse spotting Something Bad. Buh.

I have had some success attacking spiderweb with a cleaning wand, and recently just a plain stick. So long as I stop before getting too reactive to it, it seems to be okay.

Hopefully I can find a way to handle this more permanently, because not being able to de-cobweb the things that need it only results in more gross.

From:

alexseanchai

♥

*pompoms*

From:

Oh my, best to you. Spiders built the things all the darn time.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Have you tried anchoring?

* Get as close to the bad thing as possible without becoming stressed over it.

* Stay there for a little while, doing something really fun.

* Back off and relax.

Over time, this should create positive associations that outweigh the negative ones, provided that the bad thing is not currently a credible threat. So as you repeat the exercise, you should be able to get closer before it becomes stressful, and the level of stress should go down.

This is a much gentler and less miserable process compared with exposure therapy, so the big drawbacks -- people quitting because it sucks, or making the problem worse -- have much lower risk levels.

From:

I haven't, and that sounds like a good complement to what I'm currently doing. ("Magic wand" sticks to clear webs without having to touch them = the success of getting a cobweb out followed by a wind-down period where I'm careful about anxiety levels.)

The bad thing in this case is not a credible threat ever? So hopefully that'll help. Thanks.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> I haven't, and that sounds like a good complement to what I'm currently doing.<<

Yay! I'm happy to help.

>> ("Magic wand" sticks to clear webs without having to touch them = the success of getting a cobweb out followed by a wind-down period where I'm careful about anxiety levels.) <<

Excellent plan. There is no need to touch webs with your fingers. You can use a stick or something to clean the magic wand. Often I just use a disposable tool such as a twig or rolled paper tube to gather low cobwebs, and throw it all away. Long sleeves and dishwashing gloves might help reduce anxiety related to getting the webs "on" you.

>>The bad thing in this case is not a credible threat ever? <<

Unless you've had traumatic experiences with spiders, my bet is that the webs are pinging the instinct that warns of spiders being bitey things. In this case, logic may help; you could say things like "Spiders can be dangerous, but spiderwebs are nonthreatening."

From:

>>There is no need to touch webs with your fingers. <<

Thank goodness for that. ;)

>>Often I just use a disposable tool such as a twig or rolled paper tube to gather low cobwebs, and throw it all away.<<

Yup! That works really well outdoors. Indoors, that's what dust wands are for. Long sleeves help to some extent, but it's the awful sound they make as much as the actual feeling of them. (That said, touching webs? brrrr. And nothing defends against the 3am dragline to the face, because /somebody/ had to descend /right here./)

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>it's the awful sound they make as much as the actual feeling of them. <<

Would music help cover up the sound, especially with headphones?

>> And nothing defends against the 3am dragline to the face, because /somebody/ had to descend /right here./) <<

O_O I think everyone finds that creepy.

From:

I have clients-I have 1 semi-regular who works in NCC; I just got a regular yestereay (He'll be back on June 12)...and because of the second client yesterday (And after spending $50 on the third week in may, and purchasing an unused table for $75) I only yhalf the rent for the month of June $100; the reng is $200)...and I had to ask the mother for the rest of it.

I hate this. I hate having to ask for so much money all at once because my expenses take me so damn close to the line it's rediculous.

I know it'll level out, but right now, I hate it, dammit.

And they keep telling me not to give up on going to job interviews, but there are only so many places in Marien county, and most of them never got back to me, or want too much experience...and CL was a bust because too many crazies. *sighs*

-Fallon~

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> I have clients-I have 1 semi-regular who works in NCC; I just got a regular yestereay (He'll be back on June 12)<<

Yay!

>> I only yhalf the rent for the month of June $100; the reng is $200)...and I had to ask the mother for the rest of it.<<

That sucks mightily. :(

>> And they keep telling me not to give up on going to job interviews <<

It's easy for people to say when they're not the one spending all their time and spoons begging for a job and enduring repeated rejections. That's a very high cost.

From: (Anonymous)

1

From:

I have been job hunting - as part of a career transition after leaving grad school for my sanity - for over two years now.

I am still looking, though! It's so hard to keep looking when nothing wants to pan out.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Wow, that sucks. :(

From:

I’ve got two credits lef of high school & exactly a year to do them befote I age out of being legally entitled to a free education in the US

The good news is they’re letting me do them online so I can keep making progress even when my sleep schedules incompatible with other humans. The bad news is they only have one online class program and its main usecase is kids who failed classes making them up over the summer so it’s meant to be really easy, and therefore is abominably boring which is wreaking havoc on my motivation

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Bummer.

It still seems weird to think of summer school as something for bad students. When I was little, only nerds did summer school.

From:

It might be different in different places, but here you’re not legally entitled to summer school, so richisn nerds pay to go places like CTY, which teach advanced level courses to teenagers, and kids who have failed a core class (aka they can’t graduate without passing it and therefore the state is legally required to do something about it) get put in ‘credit recovery programs’ some of which are online, some of which are held at physical locations

The courses are designed to make you do the absolute minimum while meeting state standards, so going from honors (the more difficult in school track here) to credit recovery in one jump was jarring, to say the least. But the honors courses havent been digitized and while theres arguably an ADA access case to be made there, i dont have the time or money to press the issue

From:

Still dealing with ongoing anxiety + new job stress. I am good at my job, damn it. Mistakes happen and are expected. To help with that I am trying to practice positive self-talk, as most of my issues seem to come from lots of negative self-talk.

I made breakfast tacos that J approved of & that only needed 2 small do-able changes to be great! I cleaned the dishes from that + the day when I got home from work. I also made banana bread, which is currently baking.

J & I spent a good 30 minutes getting a tiny mat out of our dog's fur tonight. It was close to the skin & right behind his ear, so he really squirmed. But we got it out without injury to anyone, dog included.

From:

mashfanficchick

Did: finish my class for the semester.

Working on: not enabling/gietting roped into my mom’s poor financial choices

Did not (yet): get wisdom tooth/teeth removed

From:

I bought my first house. House hunting was a lot of work and stressful, plus the market here is crazy so finding a good house for a decent price was pretty much impossible. Now I have to go through all the closing requirements and then buy furniture amd stuff. I'm currently living at home so hopefully moving won't be too bad but I'm not really looking forward to that.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>> I bought my first house. <<

Congratulations!

>>I'm currently living at home so hopefully moving won't be too bad but I'm not really looking forward to that.<<

Moving always sucks. It sucks slightly less if you have good friends to help and can afford or scrounge proper supplies. But definitely plan to reward yourself later.

From:

dreamwriteremmy

We called Medicaid to switch our insurance so we can go to the community health center (which is walking distance). Now we just have to wait for the paperwork so we can do that and work on the slow process of transitioning care to up here

From:

mashfanficchick

I may have to stop inviting my mom over to my place.

When I moved out (read: when my dad decided to rent an apartment for me so I could practice independence), it was to an apartment only two blocks away from where I’d lived with my mom, and where she still lives. This was seen as a good thing.

As I did better and she did worse (both in assorted ways, including mental/physical/emotional/financial), I would invite her over a few times a week, so I could feed her (I like cooking and she hates it, plus I can afford to feed her better than she can) and so we could hang out together, as we enjoy doing.

Lately, though, I’ve been realizing that I can’t keep expending the amount of energy it costs to get her to leave. She always has an excuse for why she wants to stay at my apartment...my STUDIO apartment. I’ve actually finally gotten really good at telling her no...but it takes a long time and a lot of energy, and it frequently ends with her being upset about it. This does not seem healthy.

But, if I stop inviting her over...she doesn’t really have—this sounds awful—a life. She won’t go anywhere or see anyone, and she probably won’t eat well, either. But I have to start taking care of myself, putting my own oxygen mask on first, as we say in caregiving.

Sorry. I didn’t mean to pile this here. It’s just that she just left (finally), and I really needed to say it, but I don’t really have anywhere at the moment where RL relatives can’t see what I post.

I really need to move my LJ over to DW. Maybe that’ll be my self-care assignment for next week.

I feel better now. Thank you. I feel a little bit bad about using this thread as an emotional garbage can, but...well, it sort of invites it, in a good way. It says “tell me your troubles and let me remind you of your successes.” Thank you for hosting it.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

>>I may have to stop inviting my mom over to my place.<<

Bummer.

>>Lately, though, I’ve been realizing that I can’t keep expending the amount of energy it costs to get her to leave. She always has an excuse for why she wants to stay at my apartment...my STUDIO apartment. I’ve actually finally gotten really good at telling her no...but it takes a long time and a lot of energy, and it frequently ends with her being upset about it. This does not seem healthy.<<

I agree, that does not seem healthy. :(

>> But, if I stop inviting her over...she doesn’t really have—this sounds awful—a life. She won’t go anywhere or see anyone, and she probably won’t eat well, either.<<

That's sad.

>> But I have to start taking care of myself, putting my own oxygen mask on first, as we say in caregiving. <<

True. That makes it a good idea to stop inviting your mother to your apartment.

However, it doesn't necessarily mean abandoning her. You could explore other alternatives. Perhaps you could invite her to a coffeehouse or a movie. Businesses have hours when they close, which makes a natural stopping point. You might also look for programs aimed at people like her. She may or may not be interested, but if you offer resources, the choice is up to her and at least you did something.

>>I really need to move my LJ over to DW. Maybe that’ll be my self-care assignment for next week.<<

That sounds good.

>> I feel better now. <<

Yay!

>> Thank you. I feel a little bit bad about using this thread as an emotional garbage can, but...well, it sort of invites it, in a good way. It says “tell me your troubles and let me remind you of your successes.” Thank you for hosting it.<<

You're welcome. And that is exactly what this thread is for. It gives people a place to share the challenges in their life with some sympathetic friends. I can't do much about the generally disconnected state of communities today, but I can provide a venue for support in my little corner of the internet.

From:

technoshaman

You'll have to weigh doing the other options against how much time/energy/money they expend. Ysabet is right, closing time helps... experiment? If she pipes up and wants to go back to your place, then you gotta cut her off.

She's a grownup, you're a grownup, she needs to put her big girl panties on and find a life of her own. Or not, but it's not your place to *take damage* and enable her.

Moving to DW is a good and happy thing. And perhaps filter one's friends list while you're at it?

I also make heavy use of filters over here. I can vent and not offend folks. I can go ooh shiny over high woo-woo and not weird people out who don't wanna be.

And yeah. Ysabet hosts good community. Talks good story, too. She's one of a small handful of people to whom I owe my sanity... for which I am most grateful.

From:

ysabetwordsmith

Aw, shucks. I'm glad I could help.

From:

technoshaman

If ever there were an ongoing example of good karma at work, it's you-here.

From:

alexseanchai

♥

Strength to you

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