>>I may have to stop inviting my mom over to my place.<<
Bummer.
>>Lately, though, I’ve been realizing that I can’t keep expending the amount of energy it costs to get her to leave. She always has an excuse for why she wants to stay at my apartment...my STUDIO apartment. I’ve actually finally gotten really good at telling her no...but it takes a long time and a lot of energy, and it frequently ends with her being upset about it. This does not seem healthy.<<
I agree, that does not seem healthy. :(
>> But, if I stop inviting her over...she doesn’t really have—this sounds awful—a life. She won’t go anywhere or see anyone, and she probably won’t eat well, either.<<
That's sad.
>> But I have to start taking care of myself, putting my own oxygen mask on first, as we say in caregiving. <<
True. That makes it a good idea to stop inviting your mother to your apartment.
However, it doesn't necessarily mean abandoning her. You could explore other alternatives. Perhaps you could invite her to a coffeehouse or a movie. Businesses have hours when they close, which makes a natural stopping point. You might also look for programs aimed at people like her. She may or may not be interested, but if you offer resources, the choice is up to her and at least you did something.
>>I really need to move my LJ over to DW. Maybe that’ll be my self-care assignment for next week.<<
That sounds good.
>> I feel better now. <<
Yay!
>> Thank you. I feel a little bit bad about using this thread as an emotional garbage can, but...well, it sort of invites it, in a good way. It says “tell me your troubles and let me remind you of your successes.” Thank you for hosting it.<<
You're welcome. And that is exactly what this thread is for. It gives people a place to share the challenges in their life with some sympathetic friends. I can't do much about the generally disconnected state of communities today, but I can provide a venue for support in my little corner of the internet.
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dancing_serpent
Re: When all the options are frustratingly poor ones, making the best choice you can is a win
Date: 2018-06-02 04:32 am (UTC)Bummer.
>>Lately, though, I’ve been realizing that I can’t keep expending the amount of energy it costs to get her to leave. She always has an excuse for why she wants to stay at my apartment...my STUDIO apartment. I’ve actually finally gotten really good at telling her no...but it takes a long time and a lot of energy, and it frequently ends with her being upset about it. This does not seem healthy.<<
I agree, that does not seem healthy. :(
>> But, if I stop inviting her over...she doesn’t really have—this sounds awful—a life. She won’t go anywhere or see anyone, and she probably won’t eat well, either.<<
That's sad.
>> But I have to start taking care of myself, putting my own oxygen mask on first, as we say in caregiving. <<
True. That makes it a good idea to stop inviting your mother to your apartment.
However, it doesn't necessarily mean abandoning her. You could explore other alternatives. Perhaps you could invite her to a coffeehouse or a movie. Businesses have hours when they close, which makes a natural stopping point. You might also look for programs aimed at people like her. She may or may not be interested, but if you offer resources, the choice is up to her and at least you did something.
>>I really need to move my LJ over to DW. Maybe that’ll be my self-care assignment for next week.<<
That sounds good.
>> I feel better now. <<
Yay!
>> Thank you. I feel a little bit bad about using this thread as an emotional garbage can, but...well, it sort of invites it, in a good way. It says “tell me your troubles and let me remind you of your successes.” Thank you for hosting it.<<
You're welcome. And that is exactly what this thread is for. It gives people a place to share the challenges in their life with some sympathetic friends. I can't do much about the generally disconnected state of communities today, but I can provide a venue for support in my little corner of the internet.