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"Coming in from the Cold" is the next big piece in its series, dealing with Bucky and his continued issues with that piece-of-crap prosthesis. I'm posting each day within the story as a section unto itself, broken down into post-sized parts.
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk,""kintsukuroi," "Little and Broken, but Still Good," "Up the Water Spout," "The Life of the Dead," "Anahata," and "Coming in from the Cold: Saturday: Building Towers."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: JARVIS, Phil Coulson, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Betty Ross.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Hostile technology. Manipulation of mental state. Mention of past trauma with lingering symptoms of PTSD. Temper outbursts. Self-blame. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: Steve and Bucky cope with some influence from Bucky's prosthetic arm. Uncle Phil uses a private ageplay session to help Steve with his feelings. JARVIS, floundering with his own emotions and interpretations of other peoples' motivations, asks Phil for assistance. Steve is still struggling to get a handle on what's happening to him. They finish up the day with a movie.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Emotional overload. Coping skills. Healthy touch. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Caregiving. Competence. Toys and games. Gentleness. Trust. Emotional confusion. Watching movies. #coulsonlives
Begin with Part 1. Skip to Part 4, Part 5, Part 6.
Coming in from the Cold
Sunday: Shaking Foundations Part 2
Just then, Bucky and Natasha walked into the kitchen. Natasha investigated the crockpot. "This looks good," she said. Then she began filling her plate.
Bucky headed straight for Bruce and wrapped himself around the smaller man. "Please don't make me do that again," Bucky said.
"Okay, I won't," Bruce said. "Rough night, huh?"
Bucky just nodded.
"He said that falling asleep feels like dying," Phil explained. "I think it's easier on him with your voice as an anchor."
Bruce hugged Bucky. "I'm sorry," he said. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. We'll stick with what works instead."
Bucky mumbled something into Bruce's hair.
"You are absolutely not malingering," Bruce said firmly. "You are recovering from mind control, some very bad drugs, and a whole bunch of other trauma. You're getting better, but your brain waves are still a mess. If you feel safer and sleep better with me putting you to bed, then that's what we'll do, for as long as necessary." Bruce rubbed a hand up and down Bucky's back. "Come on, let's get you some breakfast. You'll feel better after you eat something."
"Okay," Bucky said. He let Bruce lead him to the crockpot and dish up a serving. They sat back down at the table. Bucky sampled the casserole and said, "I like this."
"Thanks," Bruce said. "Phil, what do you make of all this? I have a theory, but you saw the original activity."
"I think that Bucky's auxiliary energy source is affecting Steve," said Phil. "They sleep close for comfort, like Clint and Natasha do. That's within the range Tony specified, and the pattern of behavioral shift matches."
"That's what I was afraid of," Bruce said, poking at his phone.
"Tony too," Bucky said abruptly. "Phil, remember that time in the garage? He held onto me for hours. Then later in the same day, we got into a huge fight."
"Yes, that fits," Phil said. It helped explain why the hide-and-seek incident had turned so volatile.
"Well, that settles it," Bucky said. "I'm poison or something. People should stay away from me."
Bruce flinched. "I'm not sure that's a great idea ..."
"No," Steve said firmly.
"It's bad enough that I'm stuck with this damn thing," Bucky said, slapping his left shoulder. "I don't want to drag anyone else down with me."
"I am not leaving you to deal with this alone," Steve said.
"See, Bucky, the problem with that solution is that it'll make you feel worse," Clint pointed out. "People need touch -- I mean good safe contact, not somebody mauling you in a lab -- or they kinda tend to go crazy. So if you pull back, you'll probably have a harder time keeping ahold of your feelings. That's not helping."
"Really? Touch is that important?" Bucky said.
"Yeah, it is," Clint said. "We found this out with Hulk. He's a lot more mellow now that he gets skin contact with people who aren't trying to hurt or kill him."
"There are studies to support it," Bruce added. He reached out to brush his knuckles lightly over the back of Bucky's hand. "Neglecting touch can cause failure to thrive in infants, sometimes fatally so. Solitary confinement tends to drive adults insane."
Phil eyed Bruce and wondered if he was processing this on a personal level, as well as trying to convince Bucky. Bruce's past efforts at self-isolation and trying to keep Hulk contained were not that far from solitary confinement. Bruce is getting better slowly, but he's still got a long way to go, Phil thought.
It made eerie parallels with how the Winter Soldier had been treated as a human weapon, literally stored in a box until needed. No wonder he'd been mentally unstable when the only time people touched him was to hurt him, whether the indifference of his captors or the hostility of his enemies.
"I don't want to hurt any of you," Bucky said.
"All right, let's work the problem," Phil said. "Too much contact with that energy source is not good for anyone. Too little skin contact is not good for you. We need some other options here."
"It really has a short range," Bruce reminded them. "All we need to do is sit back a little. Steve, if you share a bed with Bucky, make sure you sleep on his right side instead of his left. Maybe put some pillows between, so you can touch hands but not be right on top of each other all night."
Steve didn't look happy, but he understood the need for compromise. "We could try that."
"Yeah, and we could take turns sitting with Bucky," said Clint. "You and Tony are the ones who tend to plaster yourselves against him for hours at a time. But if we take turns, we could swap out every hour or so. Bucky would get all the loving touch he needs, and none of us would have to be in range for very long."
Bucky brightened at that idea. "If you're sure it's safe ..."
"There are no guarantees," Bruce said. "We can give you our best guesses. Bucky, the lives we lead aren't safe; there's no changing that. Some risks are worth taking anyway."
Steve got up to refill his plate and snagged Bucky's along the way. When he came back, he said, "I've been working through a lot of emotional ... stuff. About this, about other things too. So I thought maybe it would help to find more ways of doing that. I'm willing to do some extra work on controlling my emotions, if it means I can stick by Bucky when he needs me. Bruce, you're really good at that. Think you could give me some pointers?"
"I'm happy to teach you what I know. I've found meditation and yoga helpful. I don't know how well it'll work for you, though, and the science behind any of that is ... a lot more flimsy," Bruce said.
"So pick up science from the psychology side," Phil suggested. "We have plenty of resources about coping skills and emotional regulation."
"Yeah, Natasha has been into that for years," Clint said, nudging her.
Natasha looked at him solemnly. She had stayed out of the conversation up until now. "For me it is different. I have difficulty finding my emotions, not controlling them," she said.
"But you know the words and the skills and stuff," Clint said. "You could still help."
"We were using some of your worksheets this morning," Phil said. "I think tracking people's emotions would help identify what effects that device is having."
"That is good to know. It is easier to understand with a page that asks you questions, rather than trying to remember on your own," Natasha said with a nod. "I do not mind sharing. I have filled out this paperwork many times."
"How do we know if the new approach is working?" Bucky asked.
"The team can spot for me, if they don't mind, and tell me when I'm acting up," said Steve.
"Yeah, that's not gonna work for Tony," said Clint.
Bucky nodded. "He doesn't like people leaning on him that way."
"I believe that Tony will be all right if he's just a little more careful about timing," Bruce said. "Bucky, you're the only one who can't get away from the power source. Steve spends the next-highest amount of time in proximity to it. For everyone else, it's a lot lower."
"Steve, Bucky, do you feel comfortable enough with these ideas to give them a try?" Phil asked. They both nodded. "Okay, then. Keep track of progress and we'll see what happens. If the first attempt doesn't work, we'll explore other options."
After finishing breakfast, Steve and Bucky got up to clear the table. Clint and Natasha went to put the dishes into the dishwasher.
"Am I that bad?" Bruce whispered to Phil. "I mean ... does it really sound like that, when I talk about myself and the Other Guy?"
Phil raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
"I mean the way Bucky sometimes obsesses about hurting people, and this new idea of considering himself toxic," Bruce said. "That worries me."
"It worries us too," Phil said.
"So ... do I sound the same? Because people have been bugging me..."
Phil felt torn between tact and honesty. Either could do harm in this situation. In the end, he settled on honesty, phrased as gently as possible. "No, usually you sound worse," Phil said. "You and Hulk have accrued a lot of trauma since the initial accident. You're just starting to learn how to work together. It's going to take time and care to build up enough positive memories to outweigh the big pile of negative ones. So you have a bunch of habits formed by those bad experiences, and that influences how you talk."
"Oh," Bruce said quietly.
"If Bucky's tendency toward self-condemnation and worrying concerns you, think over what you say and do with him. That might help you work through some of your own issues," Phil suggested. "For instance, you encouraged Bucky to buffer risks instead of avoiding contact. That's good advice."
"I'll think about it," Bruce said, his gaze following Bucky around the kitchen.
"Hey, Phil, I'm spending the morning with Natasha and Bucky," said Clint. "We're gonna hit the obstacle course for some light target shooting."
"That's a good idea," Phil said. Tony had thoughtfully provided weaponry that performed similar to live fire but with less tendency to chew up the other equipment. Now that Bucky's health was improving, they were trying to get him back into activities that would prepare him for field duty.
"Steve, do you want to come with us?" Bucky asked.
"Thanks, but no," said Steve. "I don't think I'm in the mood." Bucky nodded agreeably, then followed Clint and Natasha out of the room.
"Is there anything we can do?" Bruce asked. "The yoga room is a good place to work through things."
"Maybe later," Steve said. "Right now I just kind of feel like everything is weighing me down."
"Would it help to take some of the weight off for a little while?" Phil asked. "I've got nothing on my schedule that I can't set aside for an hour or two, if you need a bit of private play time."
Steve blinked at him. "Yeah, I think ... that might be nice. If you don't mind."
"Go get your jammies. Give me a few minutes to set up, and then I'll meet you in my apartment," Phil said.
"Okay," Steve said.
On the way to his floor, Phil used the time to plan out what to do next. As stressed as Steve is after this morning, I don't think he's in the mood for structured play, Phil mused. He loves games, but when he's upset, he tends to favor toys instead. I need something simple and fun. It also has to be durable in case Steve loses his temper again. The elevator soon let him out on his floor.
Phil went to the closet where he kept spare toys and games, along with things he planned to introduce but hadn't taken to the common room yet. He shuffled through blocks and dolls and baskets of random things. Then he spotted the large carton of modeling clay. Perfect! Phil thought.
The clay went on top of the coffee table in Phil's living room. Next came a sheet to use as a dropcloth. With the necessary supplies laid out, Phil went back to his bedroom to change into his bathrobe.
The doorbell chimed. Phil was a little surprised, because the other residents usually didn't bother with that much formality, especially for a planned visit. When he went to the door, he found Steve there, clinging to Bruce's hand. "I didn't think it was a good idea to leave him alone when he's feeling overwhelmed, and you needed time to get ready," Bruce explained. "So I wanted to walk him up here myself."
"Thank you," Phil said as he took charge of Steve.
"Any time," Bruce said. "I'll be in my lab if anyone needs me."
* * *
Notes:
PTSD has gone by many names, including shellshock. It has often been mistaken for malingering, sometimes fatally so. Bucky's home time has left him with some misconceptions in this regard.
Negative self-talk and poor self-image can cause a lot of problems. There are ways to learn positive self-talk and improve self-image.
People need contact comfort for many reasons. Without loving touch, their physical and mental health suffer. You can see the results of that in Bruce-and-Hulk, Bucky, and other Avengers.
Self-regulation is a necessary skill for managing emotions. Understand how to process and control your feelings. There are ways to teach self-regulation too.
Shooting ranges can include complex target challenges. Combat shooting adds even more complications. The Avengers enjoy the best equipment and training facilities available, largely thanks to Tony Stark.
[To be continued in Part 3 ...]
This story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk,""kintsukuroi," "Little and Broken, but Still Good," "Up the Water Spout," "The Life of the Dead," "Anahata," and "Coming in from the Cold: Saturday: Building Towers."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: JARVIS, Phil Coulson, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanova, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Betty Ross.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Hostile technology. Manipulation of mental state. Mention of past trauma with lingering symptoms of PTSD. Temper outbursts. Self-blame. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: Steve and Bucky cope with some influence from Bucky's prosthetic arm. Uncle Phil uses a private ageplay session to help Steve with his feelings. JARVIS, floundering with his own emotions and interpretations of other peoples' motivations, asks Phil for assistance. Steve is still struggling to get a handle on what's happening to him. They finish up the day with a movie.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Emotional overload. Coping skills. Healthy touch. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Caregiving. Competence. Toys and games. Gentleness. Trust. Emotional confusion. Watching movies. #coulsonlives
Begin with Part 1. Skip to Part 4, Part 5, Part 6.
Coming in from the Cold
Sunday: Shaking Foundations Part 2
Just then, Bucky and Natasha walked into the kitchen. Natasha investigated the crockpot. "This looks good," she said. Then she began filling her plate.
Bucky headed straight for Bruce and wrapped himself around the smaller man. "Please don't make me do that again," Bucky said.
"Okay, I won't," Bruce said. "Rough night, huh?"
Bucky just nodded.
"He said that falling asleep feels like dying," Phil explained. "I think it's easier on him with your voice as an anchor."
Bruce hugged Bucky. "I'm sorry," he said. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. We'll stick with what works instead."
Bucky mumbled something into Bruce's hair.
"You are absolutely not malingering," Bruce said firmly. "You are recovering from mind control, some very bad drugs, and a whole bunch of other trauma. You're getting better, but your brain waves are still a mess. If you feel safer and sleep better with me putting you to bed, then that's what we'll do, for as long as necessary." Bruce rubbed a hand up and down Bucky's back. "Come on, let's get you some breakfast. You'll feel better after you eat something."
"Okay," Bucky said. He let Bruce lead him to the crockpot and dish up a serving. They sat back down at the table. Bucky sampled the casserole and said, "I like this."
"Thanks," Bruce said. "Phil, what do you make of all this? I have a theory, but you saw the original activity."
"I think that Bucky's auxiliary energy source is affecting Steve," said Phil. "They sleep close for comfort, like Clint and Natasha do. That's within the range Tony specified, and the pattern of behavioral shift matches."
"That's what I was afraid of," Bruce said, poking at his phone.
"Tony too," Bucky said abruptly. "Phil, remember that time in the garage? He held onto me for hours. Then later in the same day, we got into a huge fight."
"Yes, that fits," Phil said. It helped explain why the hide-and-seek incident had turned so volatile.
"Well, that settles it," Bucky said. "I'm poison or something. People should stay away from me."
Bruce flinched. "I'm not sure that's a great idea ..."
"No," Steve said firmly.
"It's bad enough that I'm stuck with this damn thing," Bucky said, slapping his left shoulder. "I don't want to drag anyone else down with me."
"I am not leaving you to deal with this alone," Steve said.
"See, Bucky, the problem with that solution is that it'll make you feel worse," Clint pointed out. "People need touch -- I mean good safe contact, not somebody mauling you in a lab -- or they kinda tend to go crazy. So if you pull back, you'll probably have a harder time keeping ahold of your feelings. That's not helping."
"Really? Touch is that important?" Bucky said.
"Yeah, it is," Clint said. "We found this out with Hulk. He's a lot more mellow now that he gets skin contact with people who aren't trying to hurt or kill him."
"There are studies to support it," Bruce added. He reached out to brush his knuckles lightly over the back of Bucky's hand. "Neglecting touch can cause failure to thrive in infants, sometimes fatally so. Solitary confinement tends to drive adults insane."
Phil eyed Bruce and wondered if he was processing this on a personal level, as well as trying to convince Bucky. Bruce's past efforts at self-isolation and trying to keep Hulk contained were not that far from solitary confinement. Bruce is getting better slowly, but he's still got a long way to go, Phil thought.
It made eerie parallels with how the Winter Soldier had been treated as a human weapon, literally stored in a box until needed. No wonder he'd been mentally unstable when the only time people touched him was to hurt him, whether the indifference of his captors or the hostility of his enemies.
"I don't want to hurt any of you," Bucky said.
"All right, let's work the problem," Phil said. "Too much contact with that energy source is not good for anyone. Too little skin contact is not good for you. We need some other options here."
"It really has a short range," Bruce reminded them. "All we need to do is sit back a little. Steve, if you share a bed with Bucky, make sure you sleep on his right side instead of his left. Maybe put some pillows between, so you can touch hands but not be right on top of each other all night."
Steve didn't look happy, but he understood the need for compromise. "We could try that."
"Yeah, and we could take turns sitting with Bucky," said Clint. "You and Tony are the ones who tend to plaster yourselves against him for hours at a time. But if we take turns, we could swap out every hour or so. Bucky would get all the loving touch he needs, and none of us would have to be in range for very long."
Bucky brightened at that idea. "If you're sure it's safe ..."
"There are no guarantees," Bruce said. "We can give you our best guesses. Bucky, the lives we lead aren't safe; there's no changing that. Some risks are worth taking anyway."
Steve got up to refill his plate and snagged Bucky's along the way. When he came back, he said, "I've been working through a lot of emotional ... stuff. About this, about other things too. So I thought maybe it would help to find more ways of doing that. I'm willing to do some extra work on controlling my emotions, if it means I can stick by Bucky when he needs me. Bruce, you're really good at that. Think you could give me some pointers?"
"I'm happy to teach you what I know. I've found meditation and yoga helpful. I don't know how well it'll work for you, though, and the science behind any of that is ... a lot more flimsy," Bruce said.
"So pick up science from the psychology side," Phil suggested. "We have plenty of resources about coping skills and emotional regulation."
"Yeah, Natasha has been into that for years," Clint said, nudging her.
Natasha looked at him solemnly. She had stayed out of the conversation up until now. "For me it is different. I have difficulty finding my emotions, not controlling them," she said.
"But you know the words and the skills and stuff," Clint said. "You could still help."
"We were using some of your worksheets this morning," Phil said. "I think tracking people's emotions would help identify what effects that device is having."
"That is good to know. It is easier to understand with a page that asks you questions, rather than trying to remember on your own," Natasha said with a nod. "I do not mind sharing. I have filled out this paperwork many times."
"How do we know if the new approach is working?" Bucky asked.
"The team can spot for me, if they don't mind, and tell me when I'm acting up," said Steve.
"Yeah, that's not gonna work for Tony," said Clint.
Bucky nodded. "He doesn't like people leaning on him that way."
"I believe that Tony will be all right if he's just a little more careful about timing," Bruce said. "Bucky, you're the only one who can't get away from the power source. Steve spends the next-highest amount of time in proximity to it. For everyone else, it's a lot lower."
"Steve, Bucky, do you feel comfortable enough with these ideas to give them a try?" Phil asked. They both nodded. "Okay, then. Keep track of progress and we'll see what happens. If the first attempt doesn't work, we'll explore other options."
After finishing breakfast, Steve and Bucky got up to clear the table. Clint and Natasha went to put the dishes into the dishwasher.
"Am I that bad?" Bruce whispered to Phil. "I mean ... does it really sound like that, when I talk about myself and the Other Guy?"
Phil raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
"I mean the way Bucky sometimes obsesses about hurting people, and this new idea of considering himself toxic," Bruce said. "That worries me."
"It worries us too," Phil said.
"So ... do I sound the same? Because people have been bugging me..."
Phil felt torn between tact and honesty. Either could do harm in this situation. In the end, he settled on honesty, phrased as gently as possible. "No, usually you sound worse," Phil said. "You and Hulk have accrued a lot of trauma since the initial accident. You're just starting to learn how to work together. It's going to take time and care to build up enough positive memories to outweigh the big pile of negative ones. So you have a bunch of habits formed by those bad experiences, and that influences how you talk."
"Oh," Bruce said quietly.
"If Bucky's tendency toward self-condemnation and worrying concerns you, think over what you say and do with him. That might help you work through some of your own issues," Phil suggested. "For instance, you encouraged Bucky to buffer risks instead of avoiding contact. That's good advice."
"I'll think about it," Bruce said, his gaze following Bucky around the kitchen.
"Hey, Phil, I'm spending the morning with Natasha and Bucky," said Clint. "We're gonna hit the obstacle course for some light target shooting."
"That's a good idea," Phil said. Tony had thoughtfully provided weaponry that performed similar to live fire but with less tendency to chew up the other equipment. Now that Bucky's health was improving, they were trying to get him back into activities that would prepare him for field duty.
"Steve, do you want to come with us?" Bucky asked.
"Thanks, but no," said Steve. "I don't think I'm in the mood." Bucky nodded agreeably, then followed Clint and Natasha out of the room.
"Is there anything we can do?" Bruce asked. "The yoga room is a good place to work through things."
"Maybe later," Steve said. "Right now I just kind of feel like everything is weighing me down."
"Would it help to take some of the weight off for a little while?" Phil asked. "I've got nothing on my schedule that I can't set aside for an hour or two, if you need a bit of private play time."
Steve blinked at him. "Yeah, I think ... that might be nice. If you don't mind."
"Go get your jammies. Give me a few minutes to set up, and then I'll meet you in my apartment," Phil said.
"Okay," Steve said.
On the way to his floor, Phil used the time to plan out what to do next. As stressed as Steve is after this morning, I don't think he's in the mood for structured play, Phil mused. He loves games, but when he's upset, he tends to favor toys instead. I need something simple and fun. It also has to be durable in case Steve loses his temper again. The elevator soon let him out on his floor.
Phil went to the closet where he kept spare toys and games, along with things he planned to introduce but hadn't taken to the common room yet. He shuffled through blocks and dolls and baskets of random things. Then he spotted the large carton of modeling clay. Perfect! Phil thought.
The clay went on top of the coffee table in Phil's living room. Next came a sheet to use as a dropcloth. With the necessary supplies laid out, Phil went back to his bedroom to change into his bathrobe.
The doorbell chimed. Phil was a little surprised, because the other residents usually didn't bother with that much formality, especially for a planned visit. When he went to the door, he found Steve there, clinging to Bruce's hand. "I didn't think it was a good idea to leave him alone when he's feeling overwhelmed, and you needed time to get ready," Bruce explained. "So I wanted to walk him up here myself."
"Thank you," Phil said as he took charge of Steve.
"Any time," Bruce said. "I'll be in my lab if anyone needs me."
* * *
Notes:
PTSD has gone by many names, including shellshock. It has often been mistaken for malingering, sometimes fatally so. Bucky's home time has left him with some misconceptions in this regard.
Negative self-talk and poor self-image can cause a lot of problems. There are ways to learn positive self-talk and improve self-image.
People need contact comfort for many reasons. Without loving touch, their physical and mental health suffer. You can see the results of that in Bruce-and-Hulk, Bucky, and other Avengers.
Self-regulation is a necessary skill for managing emotions. Understand how to process and control your feelings. There are ways to teach self-regulation too.
Shooting ranges can include complex target challenges. Combat shooting adds even more complications. The Avengers enjoy the best equipment and training facilities available, largely thanks to Tony Stark.
[To be continued in Part 3 ...]
Re: Yes...
Date: 2015-07-04 06:14 am (UTC)Ah, that might work.
>> How exactly anyone is going to get Hulk out to play with them, I have no idea. <<
Well, it would be a dirty trick from Bruce's perspective, but just ... bring out the blocks and say, "Hey Hulk, you wanna play with these?" Hulk is very adept at popping out when he really wants to.
It would be a lot more tedious, but gentler team dynamics, to coax Bruce into letting Hulk out.
>> and yeah, I should've thought that Tony likes to play with his toys in much the same manner as Hulk. To destruction. <<
Tony is very exuberant. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Remember the party scene in IM2? *shudder* Playing frisbee with Steve's shield would be a lot healthier.