Story: "Up the Water Spout" Part 3
Sep. 1st, 2014 12:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk," "kintsukuroi," and "Little and Broken, but Still Good."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Natasha Romanova, Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Betty Ross, Bucky Barnes.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mention of human trafficking and nonconsensual drug use. Slightly offstage sexual violence. Dubcon/Noncon.
Summary: Sometimes the Black Widow needs to hunt, and sometimes she needs help settling her personality afterwards. Uncle Phil arranges an extra ageplay session.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. BAMF!Black Widow. Black Widow is creepy. Spiders. Coping skills. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Nonsexual ageplay. Caregiving. Competence. Girl stuff. Toys and games. Gentleness. Trust. #coulsonlives
Begin with Part 1, Part 2. Skip to Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8.
"Up the Water Spout" Part 3
"Mission accomplished," Black Widow said eventually. Everything was on record for SHIELD use.
Agent Coulson switched frequencies to the support channel. "Cleanup on aisle three," he said, the code telling how many subordinate agents he needed: two to remove the prisoner, one to tidy up the room. And the damn spiders.
Soon Black Widow slid back down the water spout, once again clad in her practical jumpsuit. A minute later, Hawkeye dropped into place beside her. They followed Agent Coulson to the nondescript getaway car.
"Clean your face. You missed a spot," Agent Coulson said, handing a wet wipe to Black Widow. She scrubbed off the blood. Underneath it the skin was unblemished. Not hers, then; that was good.
Once they reached SHIELD, the debriefing went smoothly. Romanova delivered her report in cool tones, organizing the information obtained from the hapless Dartmouth, who had been remanded to SHIELD medical. Only afterwards did she show any sign of discomfort.
"Problem?" Coulson asked mildly.
"It felt good while I was doing it. My body is quiet again. Dartmouth is horrid and deserves to pay for his crimes. I am glad that we can thwart AIM's ventures into drug peddling," she said. Then she sighed. "But now I feel ... icky."
Well, sometimes she had a little trouble coming back from the darkness.
"I'm listening," Coulson said.
"I still need what I need. I still like it. But I do not like that I like it," Romanova said. "I am changing, inside, and sometimes it ... unsettles me. What if I am no longer able to perform?"
"Change can be unsettling," Coulson agreed. "I think this is a positive sign, though. The good parts of your life are starting to outweigh the bad. If you wind up needing a different job, that's fine, we can adapt your mission protocols accordingly."
Romanova scratched at her uniform where drying blood made it cling. "Also, I itch."
"Let's go home. You'll feel better after Dr. Banner clears you and you have a nice shower," Coulson said.
Romanova was quiet on the ride to Avengers Tower, but she clung to their hands all the way, Coulson on one side and Barton on the other. Together they had put a lot of work into undoing what the Red Room had done to her. It was slow going, but maybe game night was helping to shake loose some of what had once been stuck fast.
Back home, Coulson sent Barton to clean up. Then Coulson waited outside the tower clinic. It was a lot easier to convince Romanova to see Dr. Banner than go to SHIELD medical. In fact there were fewer arguments all around the team, these days, as the Avengers learned that they could rely on him.
After the last of the formalities were complete, Phil escorted Natasha to her quarters. Clint was already out of the shower, sprawled on the couch with a damp towel draped over his shoulders, playing a video game that seemed to involve bouncing cookies into various jars and preventing a determined squirrel from stealing them.
"I do not wish to be alone right now," Natasha admitted.
"I'll sit with you," Phil offered, and he did. The shower was the size of a walk-in closet, all white tile and gleaming chrome with a blue-lit control panel. Sliding doors of smart glass could be tinted or mirrored for privacy. Phil sang "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider" while Natasha washed, and then he discreetly held the bathrobe for her as she emerged.
"Thank you," she said.
"You're welcome," Phil said. "Get a good night's sleep. I have an idea for tomorrow that should help you get into a more pleasant frame of mind." He left her in Clint's capable hands, and headed back to his own quarters.
* * *
Notes:
People may feel uncomfortable with their sexual urges or other desires. It can be difficult to distinguish between what is okay and what isn't. In this case the issue isn't about being repulsed by a natural, safe desire but about slowly realizing that an implanted one is actually awful.
It's difficult to achieve personal growth when you don't like yourself, or parts of yourself. Everyone has some kind of flaw, and there are ways to fix them. Change can have many benefits; know how to change yourself. Here you can see the effects of Natasha's long-term interaction with Clint and Phil, plus her more recent exploration of ageplay, rippling out through the rest of her life. Some things that can't be fixed directly can still be improved indirectly.
Building trust has been a key factor for the Avengers all along. Bruce is interesting because he doesn't ask for trust or think of himself as trustworthy, yet he consistently behaves in ways that make people feel safe around him. Trust develops in stages, and there are different ways to break it down. The most basic is calculus vs. identity, using logic or using affinity. Slightly more complex is deterrence, knowledge, identity. You believe that someone will treat you well because they'll be punished if they don't, because you have observed a positive pattern, or because you believe in who they are. Bruce has done a stellar job of establishing knowledge-based trust. (One of Steve's gifts is that people trust him because of who he is, even if they don't know him -- and that predates Project Rebirth.) A third version is contractual, tentative, cooperative, and unconditional. This is trust based on explicit agreements, on giving people a chance, on mutual benefit, and without limit. You can see how the Avengers have moved from agreeing to tolerate each other to save the world, to carefully feeling out how far they can trust each other, to fluent teamwork that assumes they have each other's best interests at heart. When they hurt each other, they now assume that it's an accident, and they're pretty good about making up. Trust develops from credibility and behavior. That breaks down into integrity, intent, competence, and results. Bruce has the character to mean well and the skill to do well, which puts him far ahead of other folks the Avengers have had to deal with in the past. There are tips for building trust in a team and in private life.
Water symbolizes cleansing and purification. It also washes away guilt, uncertainty, and other negative emotions. There are other ways to handle guilt too.
The shower in Natasha and Clint's apartment looks something like this.
"The Itsy-Bitsy Spider" provided some of the inspiration for this story. Enjoy a video of it.
[To be continued in Part 4 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Natasha Romanova, Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Betty Ross, Bucky Barnes.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Mention of human trafficking and nonconsensual drug use. Slightly offstage sexual violence. Dubcon/Noncon.
Summary: Sometimes the Black Widow needs to hunt, and sometimes she needs help settling her personality afterwards. Uncle Phil arranges an extra ageplay session.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. BAMF!Black Widow. Black Widow is creepy. Spiders. Coping skills. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Nonsexual ageplay. Caregiving. Competence. Girl stuff. Toys and games. Gentleness. Trust. #coulsonlives
Begin with Part 1, Part 2. Skip to Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8.
"Up the Water Spout" Part 3
"Mission accomplished," Black Widow said eventually. Everything was on record for SHIELD use.
Agent Coulson switched frequencies to the support channel. "Cleanup on aisle three," he said, the code telling how many subordinate agents he needed: two to remove the prisoner, one to tidy up the room. And the damn spiders.
Soon Black Widow slid back down the water spout, once again clad in her practical jumpsuit. A minute later, Hawkeye dropped into place beside her. They followed Agent Coulson to the nondescript getaway car.
"Clean your face. You missed a spot," Agent Coulson said, handing a wet wipe to Black Widow. She scrubbed off the blood. Underneath it the skin was unblemished. Not hers, then; that was good.
Once they reached SHIELD, the debriefing went smoothly. Romanova delivered her report in cool tones, organizing the information obtained from the hapless Dartmouth, who had been remanded to SHIELD medical. Only afterwards did she show any sign of discomfort.
"Problem?" Coulson asked mildly.
"It felt good while I was doing it. My body is quiet again. Dartmouth is horrid and deserves to pay for his crimes. I am glad that we can thwart AIM's ventures into drug peddling," she said. Then she sighed. "But now I feel ... icky."
Well, sometimes she had a little trouble coming back from the darkness.
"I'm listening," Coulson said.
"I still need what I need. I still like it. But I do not like that I like it," Romanova said. "I am changing, inside, and sometimes it ... unsettles me. What if I am no longer able to perform?"
"Change can be unsettling," Coulson agreed. "I think this is a positive sign, though. The good parts of your life are starting to outweigh the bad. If you wind up needing a different job, that's fine, we can adapt your mission protocols accordingly."
Romanova scratched at her uniform where drying blood made it cling. "Also, I itch."
"Let's go home. You'll feel better after Dr. Banner clears you and you have a nice shower," Coulson said.
Romanova was quiet on the ride to Avengers Tower, but she clung to their hands all the way, Coulson on one side and Barton on the other. Together they had put a lot of work into undoing what the Red Room had done to her. It was slow going, but maybe game night was helping to shake loose some of what had once been stuck fast.
Back home, Coulson sent Barton to clean up. Then Coulson waited outside the tower clinic. It was a lot easier to convince Romanova to see Dr. Banner than go to SHIELD medical. In fact there were fewer arguments all around the team, these days, as the Avengers learned that they could rely on him.
After the last of the formalities were complete, Phil escorted Natasha to her quarters. Clint was already out of the shower, sprawled on the couch with a damp towel draped over his shoulders, playing a video game that seemed to involve bouncing cookies into various jars and preventing a determined squirrel from stealing them.
"I do not wish to be alone right now," Natasha admitted.
"I'll sit with you," Phil offered, and he did. The shower was the size of a walk-in closet, all white tile and gleaming chrome with a blue-lit control panel. Sliding doors of smart glass could be tinted or mirrored for privacy. Phil sang "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider" while Natasha washed, and then he discreetly held the bathrobe for her as she emerged.
"Thank you," she said.
"You're welcome," Phil said. "Get a good night's sleep. I have an idea for tomorrow that should help you get into a more pleasant frame of mind." He left her in Clint's capable hands, and headed back to his own quarters.
* * *
Notes:
People may feel uncomfortable with their sexual urges or other desires. It can be difficult to distinguish between what is okay and what isn't. In this case the issue isn't about being repulsed by a natural, safe desire but about slowly realizing that an implanted one is actually awful.
It's difficult to achieve personal growth when you don't like yourself, or parts of yourself. Everyone has some kind of flaw, and there are ways to fix them. Change can have many benefits; know how to change yourself. Here you can see the effects of Natasha's long-term interaction with Clint and Phil, plus her more recent exploration of ageplay, rippling out through the rest of her life. Some things that can't be fixed directly can still be improved indirectly.
Building trust has been a key factor for the Avengers all along. Bruce is interesting because he doesn't ask for trust or think of himself as trustworthy, yet he consistently behaves in ways that make people feel safe around him. Trust develops in stages, and there are different ways to break it down. The most basic is calculus vs. identity, using logic or using affinity. Slightly more complex is deterrence, knowledge, identity. You believe that someone will treat you well because they'll be punished if they don't, because you have observed a positive pattern, or because you believe in who they are. Bruce has done a stellar job of establishing knowledge-based trust. (One of Steve's gifts is that people trust him because of who he is, even if they don't know him -- and that predates Project Rebirth.) A third version is contractual, tentative, cooperative, and unconditional. This is trust based on explicit agreements, on giving people a chance, on mutual benefit, and without limit. You can see how the Avengers have moved from agreeing to tolerate each other to save the world, to carefully feeling out how far they can trust each other, to fluent teamwork that assumes they have each other's best interests at heart. When they hurt each other, they now assume that it's an accident, and they're pretty good about making up. Trust develops from credibility and behavior. That breaks down into integrity, intent, competence, and results. Bruce has the character to mean well and the skill to do well, which puts him far ahead of other folks the Avengers have had to deal with in the past. There are tips for building trust in a team and in private life.
Water symbolizes cleansing and purification. It also washes away guilt, uncertainty, and other negative emotions. There are other ways to handle guilt too.
The shower in Natasha and Clint's apartment looks something like this.
"The Itsy-Bitsy Spider" provided some of the inspiration for this story. Enjoy a video of it.
[To be continued in Part 4 ...]
(no subject)
Date: 2014-09-01 10:18 am (UTC)Also, I love that you're using a famous nursery rhyme again. My local (Dutch) version just didn't speak of a little spider and a water spout, but of a beetle and a fence. Now I wonder what the Russian version is like.
-Loor
Thank you!
Date: 2014-10-01 05:57 pm (UTC)Yes, exactly. It's good progress.
>> She's still effective, but I hope that her changing in emotions also means she'll be able to use this in her field work. <<
She's always going to be a BAMF. However, years of diligent effort have paid off in a way that nobody has quite realized yet: this is the point where she's far enough along to start dismantling the self-reinforcing aspects of the Red Room training. So it may change how she does her job and how she takes care of herself afterwards.
>> Also, I love that you're using a famous nursery rhyme again. <<
Yay! I had fun with it.
>> My local (Dutch) version just didn't speak of a little spider and a water spout, but of a beetle and a fence. Now I wonder what the Russian version is like. <<
That is so cute. I don't know a Russian version, alas. If anybody finds one, I can link it.
Had to read this twice before commenting-
Date: 2014-09-01 04:14 pm (UTC)"Icky."
It makes me think that the "Natasha" who is speaking is actually "Natka"-- but a dual, layered Natka, first, the little girl who genuinely did not DARE to object, even in the privacy of her mind, to what was done to her by the Red Room and its minions. Second, the /new/ "Natka," who has learned to trust Phil and Clint and maybe show a little weakness once in a while.
Wonderfully done!
Re: Had to read this twice before commenting-
Date: 2014-09-01 05:28 pm (UTC)Re: Had to read this twice before commenting-
Date: 2014-09-02 01:59 am (UTC)Re: Had to read this twice before commenting-
Date: 2014-09-01 08:02 pm (UTC)"Icky." <<
Yay! I agree, that's the core of this chapter, and I'm glad it worked so well for you.
>> It makes me think that the "Natasha" who is speaking is actually "Natka"-- but a dual, layered Natka, <<
Yes, exactly! She has many layers to her personality, and it's much easier for her to switch upward than downward. What's new in this scene is Natka being able to get a word out through the adult version of herself, much as Hulk can occasionally sneak a word through Bruce.
>> first, the little girl who genuinely did not DARE to object, even in the privacy of her mind, to what was done to her by the Red Room and its minions. <<
This is what's starting to make her uncomfortable with the remnants of her training, not just to know that it was wrong and want not to do it, but to FEEL that it isn't healthy for her the way she was shaped. What she needs to do is something that people like Phil do when they take up shadow work: decide how far she is willing to go in order to do what needs to be done, and figure out how to settle the moral burden so it's not soul-crushing. That's going to take a long time, and she'll still need some gratification along the way. You'll see glimpses of this as the story and series continue.
>> Second, the /new/ "Natka," who has learned to trust Phil and Clint and maybe show a little weakness once in a while. <<
That's what allows her to deal with what she's feeling now, rather than just stifling it. Phil has taught her to seek out emotions, acknowledge them, and address the needs they reveal. So she's able to express her feelings, ask for help, and get it.
>> Wonderfully done! <<
*bow, flourish* Happy to be of service.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-09-01 07:34 pm (UTC)Yay!
Date: 2014-09-01 07:44 pm (UTC)Technically it's Hawkeye, Black Widow, and Agent Coulson during the active part of a mission; Barton, Romanova, and Coulson while they're still on the clock but not on the mission itself; and Clint, Natasha, and Phil in private. I try to distinguish the roles, and the transitions, although it can be challenging to get the dynamics just right.
Re: Yay!
Date: 2014-09-02 05:44 pm (UTC)Got the serious woogies on the last chapter (that's a good thing, in context). Marvelously creepy.
Am now wondering where, exactly, the Black Widow gets her black widows.
Re: Yay!
Date: 2014-09-15 12:58 am (UTC)Thank you!
>> Got the serious woogies on the last chapter (that's a good thing, in context). Marvelously creepy. <<
I'm glad; that's what I was aiming for.
>> Am now wondering where, exactly, the Black Widow gets her black widows. <<
Well, these would have been less dangerous but still scary spiders. Presumably she got them from a science supplier or possibly black-market exotic critter hauler. But if she needed black widows I'm sure she could source those too.
ARGH!
Date: 2014-09-02 07:00 pm (UTC)Tickles for Natka from Steve. :-/ May Natka learn a better self worth and safety than she has yet! :-)
Re: ARGH!
Date: 2014-09-15 12:48 am (UTC)I'm glad I could help. The notes are meant to be there for anyone who wants or needs them; otherwise folks can just skip 'em.
>> Tickles for Natka from Steve. :-/ May Natka learn a better self worth and safety than she has yet! :-) <<
She is making good progress. It's just getting to the part where that's starting to destabilize some of the older stuff and need readjustment.