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ysabetwordsmithThis story belongs to the series Love Is For Children which includes "Love Is for Children," "Hairpins," "Blended," "Am I Not," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys,""Saudades," "Querencia," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," "No Winter Lasts Forever," "Hide and Seek," "Kernel Error," "Happy Hour," "Green Eggs and Hulk,""kintsukuroi," "Little and Broken, but Still Good," "Up the Water Spout," "The Life of the Dead," and "Anahata."
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanova, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, JARVIS, Tony Stark.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Public surveillance (consensual on the part of the main characters). Mention of past trauma with lingering symptoms of PTSD. Current environment is safe. Shyness. Nausea. Imposter syndrome. Boundary issues. Negative coping skills. Communication issues. Anxiety. Depending on how you interpret it, Bruce's mistreatment of Hulk may count as domestic violence, sibling abuse, or self-harm. Tension among the team.
Summary: Steve coaxes Bruce and Bucky to go out running with him. Later on, there is Game Night.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Coping skills. Exercise. Healthy touch. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Tony takes things apart. Dietary concerns and solutions. Comfort food. Positive coping skills. Talking. Self-control. Discouraging mistreatment. Facing fears. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Gifts. Caregiving. Competence. Toys and games. Gentleness. Trust. #coulsonlives
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6. Skip to Part 9.
Coming in from the Cold
Saturday: Building Towers
Steve and Bucky were already in the common room when Uncle Phil arrived, Steve in his Dodgers pajamas and Bucky in fraying gray cotton. Tony showed up next, proceeding to clamber over the two super-soldiers as if they were playground equipment. Then Clint and Natka came in. Clint bounced on the furniture until Uncle Phil warned him to ease up. Natka wandered back to look at the goldfish swimming serenely in their large sphere.
Betty arrived with one arm supporting Bruce around the waist. As soon as they got inside the common room, Bruce plunked himself on the floor. "I'm tired," he said.
"Oops, sorry," said Tony. "I forgot how much of an energy drain it can be when you shift. I thought you'd be okay since it was just for a little while and no smashing."
So did I, Phil thought. Though the way Bruce was dragging his feet, maybe that wore him out. The emotional factors really do seem to weigh as much as the physical ones.
Bruce shrugged. "S'fine," he said. "Just tired." Then he stretched out on the carpet.
"If you want to take a nap, that's all right, but come up here on the couch," Phil said.
"Pretend I'm a rug," Bruce said without moving.
Bucky laughed and bent over to pick up Bruce. There was an unmistakable sound of ripping fabric as the worn pajama bottoms split down the seat. Bucky flushed scarlet. "Son of a ..." he muttered.
"It's okay. That happens," Bruce said.
Phil immediately got up, shrugged off his bathrobe, and draped it around Bucky. "I'll get something for you to change into," he said.
"I'm fine," Bucky snapped. "I can take care of myself. I don't need you to give me anything!"
"I know you can. The point is, you don't have to," Phil said.
"Kids don't buy things. Grownups buy things," Tony said. "It's a rule."
"Come on, Bucky, you had your turn. It's Phil's turn now. That was the agreement," Steve said. It had taken him a lot of work to get Bucky and Phil to compromise on the issue of jammies, because Bucky hated the idea of accepting charity while Uncle Phil liked to take care of his "kids".
Bucky glared at everyone but gave a sullen, grudging nod.
Uncle Phil went to the cabinet and brought out the package he had prepared in case of such an occasion. The flannel pajamas were almost plain, a deep midnight blue except for a narrow band around the cuffs and collar speckled with tiny white stars. They had started out new, but Phil ran them through the wash a few dozen times until the cloth came out soft as kitten paws.
"You can change clothes in the bathroom," Phil said as he handed the pajamas to Bucky.
Bucky slunk into the bathroom. The door closed behind him with a sharp clack of the latch.
Betty and Natasha brought out a card game and quietly occupied themselves with that. Both of them sometimes quelled minor drama just by ignoring it. Clint wandered over to join them.
Bruce crawled over to Uncle Phil and tugged on his sleep pants. "Am I bad?" he whispered.
"No, you're not bad," Phil said. "Bucky's jammies were old, that's all. It was sweet of you to remind him that everybody rips things sometimes and that it's okay. You want a snuggle?"
"Uh huh," Bruce said. He wrapped himself around Phil's leg.
Steve chuckled. "Come here, sprout," he said. He peeled Bruce off of Phil and carried him to the couch.
Phil sat down with them, and Bruce crawled halfway into his lap the way he often did with Steve and Bucky. Phil was smaller, but it was no hardship for him to hold Bruce's head and shoulders. At least this way Bruce got the physical reassurance that he needed. Soon he fell asleep.
Hopefully a short nap will revive Bruce enough to enjoy game night, Phil thought as he stroked the rumple of dark hair. Then again, feeling safe enough to sleep in a cuddle pile is good for him too. It's all good.
Bucky returned from the bathroom, now dressed in his new jammies. He took one look at the crowded couch and dumped himself on the floor instead.
"Awwwkward," Tony sang softly.
"Not helping, Tony," said Uncle Phil. "Let's think of something fun to do."
"I don't feel like playing," Bucky said.
"All right, if you want to sit out for a few minutes until your mood settles a bit, that's fine," said Phil. The energy source in Bucky's prosthetic arm made him more volatile, but sometimes lowering the stimulation would let him recover.
"Fine." Bucky hunkered down, hugging his knees to his chest.
Phil frowned. He hadn't seen Bucky take a posture like that before, and wondered what it meant. Steve was frowning too. "Problem?" Phil murmured.
"I don't know," Steve whispered back. "Sometimes people who gave us stuff ... weren't very nice. The nuns at the orphanage were careful about hand-me-downs, but that was different."
The other "kids" chattered quietly about which games they had and what they wanted to play. Phil let the conversation run while he watched Bucky. So far he showed no sign of improvement. Tony clambered onto the back of the couch, his legs trailing over Steve's shoulders, and played some kind of game on his StarkPhone that made faint peeping and popping noises.
Natka started a hand-clapping game with Clint. They held eye contact, instead of watching their hands, and yet managed to pat their palms together in perfect time. Natka sang,
Say, say, oh playmate,
Come out and play with me.
Bring out your dollies three.
Climb up my apple tree.
At the end, Clint glanced at Bucky, who still hadn't budged. The tension slowly began to ease, but Bucky showed no sign of rejoining activities.
Then Betty got involved. She scooted over so that the three of them sat in a triangle, their knees just touching. Each of them clapped hands with the other two as Betty sang,
Double double this this,
Double double that that,
Double this, double that,
Double double this that.
After that verse, she began substituting other words, "ice cream" and "jump rope" and more. Nakta took up the song in Russian, then Clint in Spanish. Finally Betty cracked them both up with "half-life."
Clint launched into a theatrical rendition of "Nobody Likes Me," with all the passion of a circus performer used to working a crowd.
Nobody likes me
Everybody hates me
Guess I'll eat some
worrrrrrmmsss!
Even Tony looked up from his video game to smirk at Clint's antics. Only Bucky remained unmoved. Finally Clint got fed up with that.
"Come on, quit sulking," Clint said. He grabbed a box of blocks and sat down next to Bucky.
Bucky snorted at him, but at least he lifted his chin from his knees.
Sometimes Clint can jolly Natasha out of a bad mood. I hope it works with Bucky too, Phil thought. He would intervene if he had to, if it looked like Clint was rubbing Bucky the wrong way.
"You can play Bausack towers with us. It's pretty fun. You need steady hands and good strategy to win," Clint said as he poured out the big bag of white pieces and then the smaller bag of red. Tony had learned from Phil, then introduced the game to Clint and Bruce, but not everyone had tried it yet. It was quickly becoming one of Clint's favorites.
"Clint, they're blocks. That's not a real game," Bucky said.
"It's a real game with real rules," Clint said, showing Bucky the instructions. Bucky glanced at them, but made no move to read them aloud.
"Several games, actually, we haven't even tried them all yet," Tony said. He started pulling out the base blocks. "You start with one of these."
"People give each other blocks and build towers, as high as possible," Clint said.
"These are the weirdest looking blocks I've ever seen. Is this a chess piece?" Bucky said dubiously. He let go of his knees to poke at the jumble of wooden toys.
"Yeah, that's a pawn," Tony said.
"This is what makes the game tricky. You have to fit the pieces together so they don't fall," Clint said. "It's like ... huh ... kind of like sniper sight? And you see where things should go, or which ones will move if you touch them wrong?" He sighed and shook his head. "I'm not explaining this well at all, am I?"
"Not really, no," said Bucky. "I still don't see how this is a game."
"You can build your own tower, or build them together. You can score by height or by points," Tony said. He shook the bag of tokens. "There are auction rules too, if you want to bid on the blocks."
"So then there's the strategy part," Clint said. "You think ahead about what pieces you want to use on your tower, and where, and when you want to feed your opponents the pieces that suck, like the Christmas trees."
"I like the Christmas trees," Tony said.
"That's because you're nuts," Clint said. He turned back to Bucky. "Tony's the only one who likes the Christmas trees, because the Christmas trees suck."
Tony stuck his tongue out at Clint.
"Clint, don't tease Tony about which blocks he likes. It's fine if players like different ones," Phil said. "Tony, don't make faces at Clint."
Bucky chuckled. "Okay, you two monkeys, show me your game of blocks."
Clint and Tony demonstrated a round of Bausack towers. They played fast, both of them adept at games of dexterity. The towers rose to considerable height before falling. Then Clint and Tony coaxed Bucky into playing.
Bucky picked up a white cube with his right hand. "These are nice. We didn't have such nice blocks growing up," he said. When he picked up the large red egg with his left hand, it squirted out of his grip. Bucky frowned. "Stupid ..."
"It's not you," Clint said at once. "The red blocks are just really slick. It's part of the challenge."
"Here, switch hands so you can feel the difference," Tony said. Bucky had some sensation in his left hand, but nowhere near as much as the right. Tony offered Bucky the red egg.
"Wow, that really is slippery," Bucky said as he rubbed his fingers over it. His left hand turned the white cube over, pressing the corners with his fingertips. "Okay. Let's try this."
Bucky put the white cube on the base block. Then Clint and Tony took their turns, each building his own tower. Bucky proved clever with the red blocks, now that he knew to handle them more carefully. Tony's stack of blocks rose with the ease of practiced skill.
As soon as Bucky tried placing a Christmas tree, though, his tower collapsed. "You were right," he said to Clint. "These things suck."
"No, they don't, you just have to know how to use them," Tony said. "They make great props. Watch this." He showed Bucky how to balance a long wedge across the tower with its far end resting on the tip of a Christmas tree.
They played another round. This time Bucky got farther before the tower toppled. Clint and Tony debated the finer points of strategy as they tried to teach him tricks for building a higher tower.
"If I may make a suggestion," JARVIS said, "you may wish to try a version from Gravity Blocks. Build a communal tower, with a blindfolded player attempting to place blocks based on another player's instructions."
"Sure, that sounds fun," Tony said. He turned out to be the best at giving directions -- likely carryover from working with the bots -- and pretty good at placing blocks while blindfolded. Bucky did even better at placing blocks, though not as well at giving directions.
Ironically Clint, who had the hardest time handling blocks, loved the game. "It's about aim," he explained. "I'm really sensitive about my eyes and my hands, because I'm all about hitting targets. If I can learn to aim with somebody else's guidance, though, I can still be useful even if I can't sight a target myself."
"That's an excellent point," Phil said. "You're useful for more than your aim, Clint, but expanding your skills is always a good thing." Besides, this game encourages them to follow each other's instructions, Phil added silently.
* * *
Notes:
Mental and emotional work can be exhausting. There are ways to express feelings rather than shutting down. Here's a lengthy conversation about the emotional labor that most women do.
Embarrassment and shame result from doing things that are socially awkward or inappropriate. There are ways to overcome embarrassment and stop shame-based thinking. Bucky feels ashamed of being poor, unemployed, a bad provider, and disabled. Notice that his perception is lagging behind his reality, and that's only somewhat due to the cyclic amnesia; it's also just plain inertia as early experiences overshadow current ones. But it still means that charity hurts because he has to swallow his pride, and he hasn't really accepted his disability yet. Ideally, solutions should work around this, like framing exchanges as barter to help Bucky rediscover his usefulness.
Gifts can enable manipulation and cause anxiety. However, most people enjoy giving presents and for some people that's their love language. Bucky and Phil just have very different feelings on this topic. Understand how to give gifts unconditionally and encourage gratitude.
The art of compromise is an essential communication skill for resolving family conflict. Ideally, you want to find a win-win scenario. Other times you may have to settle for a solution that nobody loves but everyone can live with. It may help to use a spectrum of agreement. In this case, Steve managed to negotiate a compromise that was fair (taking turns) but not mutually appealing. Know how to make a good compromise.
Abuse and neglect often make the survivor feel like he is a bad person who deserves to be ignored or hurt. This is a key reason behind Bruce's resigned approach to all the mistreatment he suffers in canon. Therefore asking if he's a bad person is actually an improvement, because it suggests that he no longer considers it an undeniable fact.
Mood swings can make life difficult, so it's prudent to learn how to control them. Ignoring undesirable behavior is one way to cope with a moody child. However, there's another benefit to ignoring moodiness: it provides a little social privacy to someone who may feel temporarily overwhelmed, thus giving them a chance to settle. Pestering someone whose mood is already out of control just makes it worse. Ignoring them for too long can leave them out of group activities. Try to find a balance.
Hand-clapping games include "Say, Say, Oh Playmate," "Double This Double That," and "Nobody Likes Me,"
Playing with blocks has many benefits. Once you have some blocks, you can use them for all kinds of activities.
Bausack Towers is a stacking block game with a lot of variations. See some of the pieces and a completed tower. This has pretty much eclipsed Jenga as my favorite SBG, because the different pieces make it more challenging and interesting. Gravity Blocks is a different version of SBG with several identical sets of varied blocks. It's harder than it looks.
[To be continued in Part 8 ...]
Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanova, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, JARVIS, Tony Stark.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Public surveillance (consensual on the part of the main characters). Mention of past trauma with lingering symptoms of PTSD. Current environment is safe. Shyness. Nausea. Imposter syndrome. Boundary issues. Negative coping skills. Communication issues. Anxiety. Depending on how you interpret it, Bruce's mistreatment of Hulk may count as domestic violence, sibling abuse, or self-harm. Tension among the team.
Summary: Steve coaxes Bruce and Bucky to go out running with him. Later on, there is Game Night.
Notes: Hurt/comfort. Family. Fluff and angst. Coping skills. Exercise. Healthy touch. Asking for help and getting it. Hope. Tony takes things apart. Dietary concerns and solutions. Comfort food. Positive coping skills. Talking. Self-control. Discouraging mistreatment. Facing fears. Nonsexual ageplay. Nonsexual intimacy. Gifts. Caregiving. Competence. Toys and games. Gentleness. Trust. #coulsonlives
Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6. Skip to Part 9.
Coming in from the Cold
Saturday: Building Towers
Steve and Bucky were already in the common room when Uncle Phil arrived, Steve in his Dodgers pajamas and Bucky in fraying gray cotton. Tony showed up next, proceeding to clamber over the two super-soldiers as if they were playground equipment. Then Clint and Natka came in. Clint bounced on the furniture until Uncle Phil warned him to ease up. Natka wandered back to look at the goldfish swimming serenely in their large sphere.
Betty arrived with one arm supporting Bruce around the waist. As soon as they got inside the common room, Bruce plunked himself on the floor. "I'm tired," he said.
"Oops, sorry," said Tony. "I forgot how much of an energy drain it can be when you shift. I thought you'd be okay since it was just for a little while and no smashing."
So did I, Phil thought. Though the way Bruce was dragging his feet, maybe that wore him out. The emotional factors really do seem to weigh as much as the physical ones.
Bruce shrugged. "S'fine," he said. "Just tired." Then he stretched out on the carpet.
"If you want to take a nap, that's all right, but come up here on the couch," Phil said.
"Pretend I'm a rug," Bruce said without moving.
Bucky laughed and bent over to pick up Bruce. There was an unmistakable sound of ripping fabric as the worn pajama bottoms split down the seat. Bucky flushed scarlet. "Son of a ..." he muttered.
"It's okay. That happens," Bruce said.
Phil immediately got up, shrugged off his bathrobe, and draped it around Bucky. "I'll get something for you to change into," he said.
"I'm fine," Bucky snapped. "I can take care of myself. I don't need you to give me anything!"
"I know you can. The point is, you don't have to," Phil said.
"Kids don't buy things. Grownups buy things," Tony said. "It's a rule."
"Come on, Bucky, you had your turn. It's Phil's turn now. That was the agreement," Steve said. It had taken him a lot of work to get Bucky and Phil to compromise on the issue of jammies, because Bucky hated the idea of accepting charity while Uncle Phil liked to take care of his "kids".
Bucky glared at everyone but gave a sullen, grudging nod.
Uncle Phil went to the cabinet and brought out the package he had prepared in case of such an occasion. The flannel pajamas were almost plain, a deep midnight blue except for a narrow band around the cuffs and collar speckled with tiny white stars. They had started out new, but Phil ran them through the wash a few dozen times until the cloth came out soft as kitten paws.
"You can change clothes in the bathroom," Phil said as he handed the pajamas to Bucky.
Bucky slunk into the bathroom. The door closed behind him with a sharp clack of the latch.
Betty and Natasha brought out a card game and quietly occupied themselves with that. Both of them sometimes quelled minor drama just by ignoring it. Clint wandered over to join them.
Bruce crawled over to Uncle Phil and tugged on his sleep pants. "Am I bad?" he whispered.
"No, you're not bad," Phil said. "Bucky's jammies were old, that's all. It was sweet of you to remind him that everybody rips things sometimes and that it's okay. You want a snuggle?"
"Uh huh," Bruce said. He wrapped himself around Phil's leg.
Steve chuckled. "Come here, sprout," he said. He peeled Bruce off of Phil and carried him to the couch.
Phil sat down with them, and Bruce crawled halfway into his lap the way he often did with Steve and Bucky. Phil was smaller, but it was no hardship for him to hold Bruce's head and shoulders. At least this way Bruce got the physical reassurance that he needed. Soon he fell asleep.
Hopefully a short nap will revive Bruce enough to enjoy game night, Phil thought as he stroked the rumple of dark hair. Then again, feeling safe enough to sleep in a cuddle pile is good for him too. It's all good.
Bucky returned from the bathroom, now dressed in his new jammies. He took one look at the crowded couch and dumped himself on the floor instead.
"Awwwkward," Tony sang softly.
"Not helping, Tony," said Uncle Phil. "Let's think of something fun to do."
"I don't feel like playing," Bucky said.
"All right, if you want to sit out for a few minutes until your mood settles a bit, that's fine," said Phil. The energy source in Bucky's prosthetic arm made him more volatile, but sometimes lowering the stimulation would let him recover.
"Fine." Bucky hunkered down, hugging his knees to his chest.
Phil frowned. He hadn't seen Bucky take a posture like that before, and wondered what it meant. Steve was frowning too. "Problem?" Phil murmured.
"I don't know," Steve whispered back. "Sometimes people who gave us stuff ... weren't very nice. The nuns at the orphanage were careful about hand-me-downs, but that was different."
The other "kids" chattered quietly about which games they had and what they wanted to play. Phil let the conversation run while he watched Bucky. So far he showed no sign of improvement. Tony clambered onto the back of the couch, his legs trailing over Steve's shoulders, and played some kind of game on his StarkPhone that made faint peeping and popping noises.
Natka started a hand-clapping game with Clint. They held eye contact, instead of watching their hands, and yet managed to pat their palms together in perfect time. Natka sang,
Say, say, oh playmate,
Come out and play with me.
Bring out your dollies three.
Climb up my apple tree.
At the end, Clint glanced at Bucky, who still hadn't budged. The tension slowly began to ease, but Bucky showed no sign of rejoining activities.
Then Betty got involved. She scooted over so that the three of them sat in a triangle, their knees just touching. Each of them clapped hands with the other two as Betty sang,
Double double this this,
Double double that that,
Double this, double that,
Double double this that.
After that verse, she began substituting other words, "ice cream" and "jump rope" and more. Nakta took up the song in Russian, then Clint in Spanish. Finally Betty cracked them both up with "half-life."
Clint launched into a theatrical rendition of "Nobody Likes Me," with all the passion of a circus performer used to working a crowd.
Nobody likes me
Everybody hates me
Guess I'll eat some
worrrrrrmmsss!
Even Tony looked up from his video game to smirk at Clint's antics. Only Bucky remained unmoved. Finally Clint got fed up with that.
"Come on, quit sulking," Clint said. He grabbed a box of blocks and sat down next to Bucky.
Bucky snorted at him, but at least he lifted his chin from his knees.
Sometimes Clint can jolly Natasha out of a bad mood. I hope it works with Bucky too, Phil thought. He would intervene if he had to, if it looked like Clint was rubbing Bucky the wrong way.
"You can play Bausack towers with us. It's pretty fun. You need steady hands and good strategy to win," Clint said as he poured out the big bag of white pieces and then the smaller bag of red. Tony had learned from Phil, then introduced the game to Clint and Bruce, but not everyone had tried it yet. It was quickly becoming one of Clint's favorites.
"Clint, they're blocks. That's not a real game," Bucky said.
"It's a real game with real rules," Clint said, showing Bucky the instructions. Bucky glanced at them, but made no move to read them aloud.
"Several games, actually, we haven't even tried them all yet," Tony said. He started pulling out the base blocks. "You start with one of these."
"People give each other blocks and build towers, as high as possible," Clint said.
"These are the weirdest looking blocks I've ever seen. Is this a chess piece?" Bucky said dubiously. He let go of his knees to poke at the jumble of wooden toys.
"Yeah, that's a pawn," Tony said.
"This is what makes the game tricky. You have to fit the pieces together so they don't fall," Clint said. "It's like ... huh ... kind of like sniper sight? And you see where things should go, or which ones will move if you touch them wrong?" He sighed and shook his head. "I'm not explaining this well at all, am I?"
"Not really, no," said Bucky. "I still don't see how this is a game."
"You can build your own tower, or build them together. You can score by height or by points," Tony said. He shook the bag of tokens. "There are auction rules too, if you want to bid on the blocks."
"So then there's the strategy part," Clint said. "You think ahead about what pieces you want to use on your tower, and where, and when you want to feed your opponents the pieces that suck, like the Christmas trees."
"I like the Christmas trees," Tony said.
"That's because you're nuts," Clint said. He turned back to Bucky. "Tony's the only one who likes the Christmas trees, because the Christmas trees suck."
Tony stuck his tongue out at Clint.
"Clint, don't tease Tony about which blocks he likes. It's fine if players like different ones," Phil said. "Tony, don't make faces at Clint."
Bucky chuckled. "Okay, you two monkeys, show me your game of blocks."
Clint and Tony demonstrated a round of Bausack towers. They played fast, both of them adept at games of dexterity. The towers rose to considerable height before falling. Then Clint and Tony coaxed Bucky into playing.
Bucky picked up a white cube with his right hand. "These are nice. We didn't have such nice blocks growing up," he said. When he picked up the large red egg with his left hand, it squirted out of his grip. Bucky frowned. "Stupid ..."
"It's not you," Clint said at once. "The red blocks are just really slick. It's part of the challenge."
"Here, switch hands so you can feel the difference," Tony said. Bucky had some sensation in his left hand, but nowhere near as much as the right. Tony offered Bucky the red egg.
"Wow, that really is slippery," Bucky said as he rubbed his fingers over it. His left hand turned the white cube over, pressing the corners with his fingertips. "Okay. Let's try this."
Bucky put the white cube on the base block. Then Clint and Tony took their turns, each building his own tower. Bucky proved clever with the red blocks, now that he knew to handle them more carefully. Tony's stack of blocks rose with the ease of practiced skill.
As soon as Bucky tried placing a Christmas tree, though, his tower collapsed. "You were right," he said to Clint. "These things suck."
"No, they don't, you just have to know how to use them," Tony said. "They make great props. Watch this." He showed Bucky how to balance a long wedge across the tower with its far end resting on the tip of a Christmas tree.
They played another round. This time Bucky got farther before the tower toppled. Clint and Tony debated the finer points of strategy as they tried to teach him tricks for building a higher tower.
"If I may make a suggestion," JARVIS said, "you may wish to try a version from Gravity Blocks. Build a communal tower, with a blindfolded player attempting to place blocks based on another player's instructions."
"Sure, that sounds fun," Tony said. He turned out to be the best at giving directions -- likely carryover from working with the bots -- and pretty good at placing blocks while blindfolded. Bucky did even better at placing blocks, though not as well at giving directions.
Ironically Clint, who had the hardest time handling blocks, loved the game. "It's about aim," he explained. "I'm really sensitive about my eyes and my hands, because I'm all about hitting targets. If I can learn to aim with somebody else's guidance, though, I can still be useful even if I can't sight a target myself."
"That's an excellent point," Phil said. "You're useful for more than your aim, Clint, but expanding your skills is always a good thing." Besides, this game encourages them to follow each other's instructions, Phil added silently.
* * *
Notes:
Mental and emotional work can be exhausting. There are ways to express feelings rather than shutting down. Here's a lengthy conversation about the emotional labor that most women do.
Embarrassment and shame result from doing things that are socially awkward or inappropriate. There are ways to overcome embarrassment and stop shame-based thinking. Bucky feels ashamed of being poor, unemployed, a bad provider, and disabled. Notice that his perception is lagging behind his reality, and that's only somewhat due to the cyclic amnesia; it's also just plain inertia as early experiences overshadow current ones. But it still means that charity hurts because he has to swallow his pride, and he hasn't really accepted his disability yet. Ideally, solutions should work around this, like framing exchanges as barter to help Bucky rediscover his usefulness.
Gifts can enable manipulation and cause anxiety. However, most people enjoy giving presents and for some people that's their love language. Bucky and Phil just have very different feelings on this topic. Understand how to give gifts unconditionally and encourage gratitude.
The art of compromise is an essential communication skill for resolving family conflict. Ideally, you want to find a win-win scenario. Other times you may have to settle for a solution that nobody loves but everyone can live with. It may help to use a spectrum of agreement. In this case, Steve managed to negotiate a compromise that was fair (taking turns) but not mutually appealing. Know how to make a good compromise.
Abuse and neglect often make the survivor feel like he is a bad person who deserves to be ignored or hurt. This is a key reason behind Bruce's resigned approach to all the mistreatment he suffers in canon. Therefore asking if he's a bad person is actually an improvement, because it suggests that he no longer considers it an undeniable fact.
Mood swings can make life difficult, so it's prudent to learn how to control them. Ignoring undesirable behavior is one way to cope with a moody child. However, there's another benefit to ignoring moodiness: it provides a little social privacy to someone who may feel temporarily overwhelmed, thus giving them a chance to settle. Pestering someone whose mood is already out of control just makes it worse. Ignoring them for too long can leave them out of group activities. Try to find a balance.
Hand-clapping games include "Say, Say, Oh Playmate," "Double This Double That," and "Nobody Likes Me,"
Playing with blocks has many benefits. Once you have some blocks, you can use them for all kinds of activities.
Bausack Towers is a stacking block game with a lot of variations. See some of the pieces and a completed tower. This has pretty much eclipsed Jenga as my favorite SBG, because the different pieces make it more challenging and interesting. Gravity Blocks is a different version of SBG with several identical sets of varied blocks. It's harder than it looks.
[To be continued in Part 8 ...]
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2015-05-30 06:12 am (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2015-05-30 06:58 am (UTC)Yay!
>> Sleepy, cuddly Bruce, managing to get Bucky into new pajamas even though he's sulking about it which is understandable, with his past and all of he's had bad things happen with new stuff, of course he's not going to instantly comfortable with new stuff, even if everyone says it's safe. <<
Bruce has his own baggage about ripped clothes, and is trying to help Bucky from that perspective so that he doesn't wind up with the same problem. Bucky has a lot of issues about this already, though, which Bruce doesn't know about. More of that comes out in the next chapter. As you figured, Bucky has solid grounds to be rattled.
>> Then Clint and Tony slowly pulling him out of his sulk with the blocks, and they're back to having fun and playing. <<
People are gradually finding ways to help Bucky manage his moods.
>> And JARVIS piped in with a suggestion. I love it when JARVIS speaks up in game night, even if it's just a quick helpful comment, it feels like he's...playing a little bit with them. Like an extra uncle. <<
Yes, exactly. JARVIS is just beginning to explore a little in that direction.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-05-30 12:14 pm (UTC)I hadn't heard of either of the block games - I especially like the blindfold/instructions idea because that's something I could participate in even when I'm too sick to sit up and stack blocks myself. There aren't many games with physical pieces that are friendly to someone lying flat down.
Also I love wooden blocks and tend to accumulate them from wherever I can so I have epic amounts of non-matching shapes and sizes. I bet we could play Bausack towers with just what I have lying around!
(no subject)
Date: 2015-05-30 02:09 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2015-05-30 06:58 pm (UTC)However, it does require fluent trust and teamwork. You can't start with this exercise. You need either people who already trust each other and have learned blindfold teamwork with blocks or Legos; or you start with people you want to bond, and use a very gradual progression of trust-building exercises to get this far. Jumping too far ahead is a leading cause of failure in "teambulding programs" and it only takes one such disaster before people learn that such programs are rarely safe.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2015-05-31 02:32 am (UTC)It would be much more problematic if people had mobility issues, hidden trauma or people were being dicks. Plenty of adults don't have the skills needed to tranverse even a no trip area blindfolded. A subsection can get banged up pretty bad by 'simple falls'.
I proffer that some of these teambuilder programs are predicated on base conditions that shouldn't be assumed, just as the army has started to learn they can't rip the basic training peeps the same way they used to--they already are damaged in ways that don't let them 'heal up into soldiers'. At 'best' they may end up with a lot of Brock Rumlows.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2015-05-31 05:28 am (UTC)Trust is always a serious topic. When the guide doesn't take it seriously, people get hurt, sometimes quite badly. That's why it is crucial to start with low-risk activities so that any irresponsible members can be identified and removed. Trust is earned and not to be handed out to people who don't deserve it.
>> It would be much more problematic if people had mobility issues, hidden trauma or people were being dicks. <<
Yes, that's a challenge. Mobility issues can be addressed by designing a course that is safe for that person, or using a tabletop maze. Trauma may need more specialized training, or let the person set their own limits on participation, but trust exercises are good for getting back in touch with people. Bad behavior means people either need to go over what trust is all about and then apologize, or sit out if they're not ready for this yet.
>> Plenty of adults don't have the skills needed to tranverse even a no trip area blindfolded. A subsection can get banged up pretty bad by 'simple falls'. <<
Also true. In that case, it's possible to work on simpler skills, or use a tabletop maze. A related exercise involves touching a tree while blindfolded, and then trying to find the same one with eyes open. It's helpful to have a spotter even though you're standing still.
>> I proffer that some of these teambuilder programs are predicated on base conditions that shouldn't be assumed, <<
That is true, and the fact they are assumed shows why many people learn not to trust in these "trust-building" workshops.
>> just as the army has started to learn they can't rip the basic training peeps the same way they used to--they already are damaged in ways that don't let them 'heal up into soldiers'. At 'best' they may end up with a lot of Brock Rumlows. <<
Yyyeah. You have to know your materials.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2015-05-31 05:53 am (UTC)I once took a course on Native Americans in Contact (mostly it was Woodlands, with some early East Coast and 'late' Plains) and it was interesting the degree to which by trade goods Europeans had reputations, and traders had to think twice about not bringing the English red wool or the German knives, so on and so forth. It's a corrective to the 'disappearing Indian' to consider the finesse they had regarding people they didn't see, judging novel goods for fitness. Similarly, how material shapes culture expression and that there is change happening before, during and 'post' Contact- there is no more a timeless Authentic Indian than any other identity is unchanging while it's breathing. (Hyphenated identities often 'freeze' part, while the 'American' part continues on.)
Re: Yes...
Date: 2015-05-31 08:31 am (UTC)Sadly so.
>>Similarly, how material shapes culture expression and that there is change happening before, during and 'post' Contact<<
I have seen no better representation of this than in dance. The Jingle Dress Dance comes from a vision, and originally used tin can lids to make the cones, though you can buy them premade now. Women's Fancy Dance is a derivation from Men's Fancy Dance because women wanted something more energetic. And the Grass Dance has evolved from using actual grass to ginormous wads of usually neon-colored yarn. But we still have the Traditional categories of regalia and dance.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2015-05-31 11:54 am (UTC)I didn't know that regarding the fancy dances.
I've two stories that go in this general subject. The first I don't quite know the meaning of: I went to a school with a Scottish connection. One of my professors thought there was something in common between the pow-wow dances he knew and Highland Dance. (I did Highland, and he confirmed that he was recollecting that right.) I don't know that there is that much similarity. Though thinking about it, there are some similarities in the way the circuits developed. And your story regarding Fancy Dance gaining a woman's division--Highland has no gendered divisions, because the women happened from (according to story) sons getting instruction once it wasn't a weapon of war and their sisters learning from the keyhole. Eventually it became something where very few men continued past their parents 'you will do this'. This is why the female Highland dance costume is transgender. No sporran but otherwise male down from the waist, china doll from the waist up. This has changed in living memory. Before the girls wore duplicate costumes, complete with ladies tailored Prince Charlies. (And by living memory, I mean the jackets from the old rules were still in the properties.)
The second story is about quilting and specifically fabric choice on the reservation. Except it really is a story of probably a non-quilting curator and her feelings of Colors Suitable for Quilts. Hot Pink. She felt she had to give a context of trade stores and limited choice when she showed this photograph of a quilt by the Native artist (I no longer recall that name, nor the People. Such will happen when I'm in the dark and cannot take notes.) What she didn't seem to know is that what colors are fast in natural dyes are not the only natural colors. This was before the history of Mauve book was published.
Thank you!
Date: 2015-05-30 09:41 pm (UTC)Yay!
>> I hadn't heard of either of the block games <<
There are many stacking-block games. I knew about the Jenga variations, and stumbled across these while researching cooperative games. We have several variations now, including Bausack and Gravity Blocks.
>> I especially like the blindfold/instructions idea because that's something I could participate in even when I'm too sick to sit up and stack blocks myself. There aren't many games with physical pieces that are friendly to someone lying flat down. <<
I actually have notes for more ideas in that direction later in the storyline. In general, consider how the steps of a game can be divided. Often there are aspects of strategy that are just headwork, and you can play as long as you have someone else to move the pieces. It's even better if you can rig a camera and a viewscreen display, so that you don't have to turn your head. These things are useful if you're playing with small, intelligent children: sometimes they develop understanding of a game but can't manipulate the pieces yet, other times a child can move the pieces while a less-mobile adult does the planning. Divide labor based on ability and you can expand what people can play together.
>> Also I love wooden blocks and tend to accumulate them from wherever I can so I have epic amounts of non-matching shapes and sizes. I bet we could play Bausack towers with just what I have lying around! <<
Yep. The great thing about blocks is their versatility. Some are better than others for a given purpose, but they all allow for spatial play. All you need for Bausack towers is a bunch of funny shapes. Give it a try with whatever blocks you have on hand!
I will say, however, that I highly recommend the official Bausack set because it is the only one with a distinct tactile difference between two categories of blocks. To get that effect elsewise, you would need to sort unpainted blocks according to difficulty (the easier squares and cylinders are white, the harder angled blocks and weird shapes are red) then paint the easy ones with high-friction paint and the hard ones with low-friction paint.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-05-30 01:41 pm (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2015-05-31 08:18 am (UTC)Sorry about that, I had a spam problem and set the account to Registered Posting for a while. I've turned anonymous posting back on, or tried to.
>> Anyway, I've really missed Game Night and I'm very happy you're posting/writing again.<<
Yay!
>> I liked seeing Natka play the games she learned in Up the Water Spout. <<
Yes, I try to weave in earlier bits in the later stories.
>> The block game sounds like a lot of fun<<
Well, I enjoy the heck out of it. Also the weird blocks tempt me to use them, so I wreck towers far more often, so people will play me at Bausack towers whereas nobody wants to do that with Jenga because I almost always win that one. It's a fun kind of handicap.
>> and am I right in remembering that Phil and Tony played it in a previous story? <<
Yes, it's the same game they played earlier.
>> I'm enjoying the issues you're bringing up with Bruce-and-Hulk and I'm really looking forward to the story that deals with that.<<
Yay! There is more about that thread throughout this story, building slowly toward the more intense confrontations to come between Bruce and Hulk.
>> It's been hard for me to connect with Bucky, maybe because I haven't seen The Winter Soldier movie yet. <<
I started writing about Bucky before that movie, but some of what's in it did get woven into later parts of this storyline. Before that I just used other references. The movie is much better than I expected, though, and sets up a lot of great character development with Bucky as the Winter Soldier. If you haven't seen it, then yes, it can be harder to connect with that character.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-05-30 06:05 pm (UTC)Thoughts
Date: 2015-05-30 08:13 pm (UTC)Yay!
>> Ouch for all the emotional issues, though. What happened with Bucky that makes him hate gifts so much? <<
Steve hinted about that in this chapter. Think about their background and relationship -- what kinds of things happen to poor kids, especially when one of them is trying to support the other? Further details will appear in the next chapter.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-05-30 09:25 pm (UTC)Re: Thoughts
Date: 2015-05-30 09:28 pm (UTC)...Shiv?
Date: 2016-11-07 08:09 pm (UTC)Re: ...Shiv?
Date: 2016-11-07 08:30 pm (UTC)