“.....Or people with conditions that make touch painful.”
Conditions like fibromyalgia, and severe arthritis - both rheumatoid and osteoarthritis, and the autoimmune condition, spondyloarthropathy. I have all of these conditions, and some kinds of touch are painful as a result. I find that I often have to advocate for myself, and say, “please don’t grab my leg that way” or “don’t hold my foot so tightly”. I am disabled by my arthritis, and isolated as a result. I am also touch starved. I have left comments all through “LIFC”; when a link about touch aversion in the story “Touching Moments” led me here, I realized that I now have something I can contribute to the “Touch-Aversion” side of the equation. The pain that is a constant part of my reality, due to my condition, and how people are either too scared to interact with me, or they fail to take my physical condition into consideration and grab hold of me and/or try to maneuver me as they would anybody else my age (I am quite young). Of course, the difference is I am NOT able bodied (Alas! I was an equestrian athlete, Before) and they are causing me a great deal of pain.
I always appreciate the people who will stop immediately-whatever they are doing-and adjust how they are touching me. But it would be even better if those same people listened when I tell them about myself, and take the “profound arthritis” into consideration, so that they *ask* me what is the best way to make contact before they touch me. I can only imagine that would save me the pain.
Someday, I hope I meet people who listen and ask first. People who believe me when I say, “I have arthritis in every joint”, and don’t assume I’m exaggerating. (I’m not). I enjoyed the story “Stinging of Nettles” because the girl’s needs were accommodated by her community. I think part of the problem in Local America is there is too much judgement of disabled people, particularly if they are also in chronic pain. Add some extra weight (which is inevitable if you cannot move your body) and one has hit the trifecta for misunderstanding and judgement from almost everyone around them.
Thanks Ysabet for the thoughtful post about Touch Aversion, and thanks to the other commentors here for their views on the issue. I hope my comments fit in- I’m feeling very shy about posting them.
-tresta
PS. Most of my comments relate to medical situations; in my private life, I’m rarely touched at all. I would love hugs, or hand holding, - variations on non-sexual contact from the handful of people I trust. One person in my life is aware that I feel cut off from others and she does hug me sometimes, which is wonderful.
I suspect I’m still sane because I have my fur baby Delphi, who is always very close to me. In my lap; in my arms. I tell her I will buy a baby sling for her, so she can be right against my chest and feel snuggled and safe, even when I need my hands. Needing my hands free is what usually brings an end,to our cuddle feats- she will leap in my arms, or climb into my lap - she is with me all the time, and I am thrice blessed.
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dancing_serpent
Touch Aversion Caused By Pain (was: Re: Though)
Date: 2018-09-07 12:18 pm (UTC)Conditions like fibromyalgia, and severe arthritis - both rheumatoid and osteoarthritis, and the autoimmune condition, spondyloarthropathy. I have all of these conditions, and some kinds of touch are painful as a result. I find that I often have to advocate for myself, and say, “please don’t grab my leg that way” or “don’t hold my foot so tightly”. I am disabled by my arthritis, and isolated as a result. I am also touch starved. I have left comments all through “LIFC”; when a link about touch aversion in the story “Touching Moments” led me here, I realized that I now have something I can contribute to the “Touch-Aversion” side of the equation. The pain that is a constant part of my reality, due to my condition, and how people are either too scared to interact with me, or they fail to take my physical condition into consideration and grab hold of me and/or try to maneuver me as they would anybody else my age (I am quite young). Of course, the difference is I am NOT able bodied (Alas! I was an equestrian athlete, Before) and they are causing me a great deal of pain.
I always appreciate the people who will stop immediately-whatever they are doing-and adjust how they are touching me. But it would be even better if those same people listened when I tell them about myself, and take the “profound arthritis” into consideration, so that they *ask* me what is the best way to make contact before they touch me. I can only imagine that would save me the pain.
Someday, I hope I meet people who listen and ask first. People who believe me when I say, “I have arthritis in every joint”, and don’t assume I’m exaggerating. (I’m not). I enjoyed the story “Stinging of Nettles” because the girl’s needs were accommodated by her community. I think part of the problem in Local America is there is too much judgement of disabled people, particularly if they are also in chronic pain. Add some extra weight (which is inevitable if you cannot move your body) and one has hit the trifecta for misunderstanding and judgement from almost everyone around them.
Thanks Ysabet for the thoughtful post about Touch Aversion, and thanks to the other commentors here for their views on the issue. I hope my comments fit in- I’m feeling very shy about posting them.
-tresta
PS. Most of my comments relate to medical situations; in my private life, I’m rarely touched at all. I would love hugs, or hand holding, - variations on non-sexual contact from the handful of people I trust. One person in my life is aware that I feel cut off from others and she does hug me sometimes, which is wonderful.
I suspect I’m still sane because I have my fur baby Delphi, who is always very close to me. In my lap; in my arms. I tell her I will buy a baby sling for her, so she can be right against my chest and feel snuggled and safe, even when I need my hands. Needing my hands free is what usually brings an end,to our cuddle feats- she will leap in my arms, or climb into my lap - she is with me all the time, and I am thrice blessed.