In Lieu of Flowers
Dec. 28th, 2021 07:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithSince the memorial for my mother has not yet been scheduled, and I'm unlikely to attend anyway, I have decided to compile alternative options. In my research I have seen a number of excellent "in lieu of flowers" lists, although good ones aren't always easy to find when you need them. I'll include some links and personal selections below. If you're planning other memorial activities, remember you can specify "no flowers" or give people a choice between floral or non-floral options, so it helps to be clear in your instructions. In this case, alternatives will probably be preferable but it's fine to send flowers if that's what people really want to do. While it is possible to have sustainable floristry, the mainstream industry really is not, so you may have a hard time finding something you consider both ethical and affordable.
See the funeral home's obituary page. If you click the Tribute Wall tab, there's an option to plant a tree in her memory.
"In Lieu of Flowers" References:
I'd just like to give a little word of thanks to the etiquette writers of the world, since I spent many happy hours browsing such books in junior high and high school, and occasionally I find a really well-written article online now. It'd be nice if more folks used etiquette as social lubricant like it's intended, instead of a stick to beat people with, but at least the instructions are out there for anyone who cares to use them.
* "In Lieu of Flowers" Wording Ideas and Etiquette
* Funeral Etiquette: Donations In Lieu of Flowers
* In Lieu of Flowers: What to Ask For (and How to Say It) * What to Send to a Funeral Instead of Flowers
* 21 Unique Celebration of Life Ideas
* What To Send Instead of Flowers for Sympathy [25 Unique Funeral Gift Ideas]
* 46 Alternatives to Flowers
Charities and Worthy Causes
Mom was an activist. She really never stopped being a hippie. You could pretty much throw darts at a list of 1960s-70s causes and hit something she did. She didn't add many things after that because she already had her hands full, but did pick up a few extras along the way.
I am very much an old-fashioned activist because of my parents. I got started very early with things like going around to hand out flyers. My first picket, I think I was 5 years old, that was a strike to make the school pay teachers enough to live on. I helped make the signs and at one point when I was marching, one of the reporters stopped to ask me why we were striking. I think they expected to get some kind of cute-kid picture and quote. They were certainly not expecting a recital of the grievances I'd been hearing for weeks capped with "I want Daddy to make enough money so we can eat." Yeah. I didn't really have any kind of safety catch on The Mouth until years after that.
Explore a research guide to activism. Here's a Community Toolbox for all kinds of local activism and The Activist’s Handbook: A Guide to Activism on Global Issues. Go fix something. Anything. Mom left some tall boots to fill.
These are the two organizations we picked to list in the obituary, based on some of my parents' known donations:
* National Wildlife Foundation
* Southern Poverty Law Center
Dad wants to set up a scholarship at the Bismarck-Henning High School where both of them worked. I had thought about some sort of scholarship too. If any of that comes together, I'll let folks know.
Cooking -- We did a lot of cooking over the years. When I was little we also did canning and freezing to stock up for winter. Mom's homemade V8 juice was especially popular with the tomato-lovers; I preferred the grape.
* Donate time or money to your local cooking club, community kitchen, or culinary school.
* Send a favorite cookbook to a library or literacy project. Here at Fieldhaven we have all three of the original hippie cookbooks: Diet for a Small Planet (get the 50th anniversary edition), The Vegetarian Epicure, and The Moosewood Cookbook (see other options). I also recommend Hippie Food, although it's a history rather than a cookbook. Also I found this hilarious thing while searching online: What the F*@# Should I Make for Dinner?: The Answers to Life’s Everyday Question (in 50 F*@#ing Recipes).
* Teach a cooking class.
* Cook something with your family, while you can.
* Here are similar recipes for homemade V8 juice and grape juice. (Regarding the ability of grape juice to stain: we tie-dyed clothes with it. And the mulberries. And the grass clippings. If you put the cloth in a bag and hit it with a hammer, you can get circles or crescents.) Here's mine for making stock.
Crafts -- Mom enjoyed a wide variety of crafts and could usually find a way to make whatever was needed. Crochet, knitting, sewing. One year she supervised making a parade float. I spent a lot of time making stuff with my parents and grandparents growing up.
* Donate money, time, tools, or supplies to your local makerspace. They can always use stuff, and learning to make things is a vital life skill.
* Support your local yarn, quilting, or other craft store. If they offer classes, often they'll have an option for you to sponsor a student in need. I actually use Le Mouton Rouge Knittery in Bloomington, Illinois when I need to buy high-end fiber goodies for friends. You can also thank them for inspiration into some of my poems about fibercrafting. They have everything from bargains to far-out stuff like Zauberballs.
* Make a basic kit for crochet or knitting with a few tools, a couple colors of yarn, and printouts or a booklet of instructions on easy stitches and a few beginner projects. Craft stores often have free instructions as flyers or booklets. You can donate craft kits somewhere like a community center, youth center, or senior center; or just drop them off at a thrift store. They also make great gifts when someone you know needs a way to occupy their hands and time.
* If you are a fibercrafter, dig into your stash and make a box-bottom afghan or crazy quilt like the hippies did. Here is a method for crazy quilt blocks if you don't want to make the whole thing random.
* We used to have an Unfinished Furniture Store in town that we bought a lot of stuff from. Mom also loved antiques and sometimes upcycled things by repainting or repairing them. We have an old wind-up clock that had one lion face missing, so she made a mold of the remaining one, filled it with wood putty, and stuck that on; it looks pretty close. So build or fix or upcycle something.
Education -- Mom was a teacher. She taught Special Education, Science, Math, and Computers. She and Dad taught at the prison for years. She was a major part of the teacher's union.
* The Illinois Education Association has a regular donation page and a crisis fund.
* The National Education Association has a donation page too.
* Donations to your local school, computer literacy program, or other knowledge providers are also appropriate.
* Teach something. Pretty much anything, really.
Environment -- Hippies had a big part in launching the environmental movement. I remember the gas crisis of the 1970s, and when I asked about the lines, Mom explained about fossil fuels and politics and environmental issues. "Let's not buy oil from people who hate us" seemed like very good advice, and still does. We agitated for clean air and clean water. We worked on the ozone hole. Now people are trying to chip away at these accomplishments, so fight back.
There are trees in my yard that we got from the Arbor Day Foundation and planted together -- an oak and a maple for sure, I don't know if any of the others are. We're also on one of the main monarch butterfly migration routes; when I was little, they would cover the Home Base mulberry tree, but now I only see small chains if that. Mom liked to plant zinnias and other flowers for them; I'm growing goldenrod and milkweed. When we went traveling, we visited a lot of national parks and forests. When Mom vacationed in Florida, she got to see a wild dolphin tour guide who liked to bring his pod out to human-watch the tourist boats (and hope for item drops). If the world had listened to hippies more, we could've solved the climate change problem before it cooked off the atmosphere.
Live lightly on the Earth, folks, we don't have a Planet B.
* Make plans for Earth Day. There are many ways to celebrate it.
* Plant a tree(s). In most places, an oak has the most wildlife benefit, as they grow in many places around the world and support 4000+ species. The Arbor Day Foundation "Tree Wizard" can help you choose the right tree for your area and goals.
* Join the Arbor Day Foundation and get 10 free trees with your membership. If you don't have anywhere to put trees of your own, they also offer a memorial service, Trees in Memory, which plants trees in national forests.
* Protect dolphins. Here are some dolphin-related organizations you might like to support.
* Calculate your carbon footprint. Then take one new action to reduce your carbon footprint or other impacts.
* One of the biggest bang-for-buck actions you can take to protect the Earth: eat less or no beef. A vegan or vegetarian diet tends to reduce environmental impact. The flexitarian lifestyle (it's not really a diet) and Mediterranean diet both score well in health, satisfaction, and personal and environmental sustainability. Diet for a Small Planet wasn't kidding. You might have fun picking up a vegetarian cookbook to try some new recipes.
Ethnic Studies -- Mom always thought racism was stupid. She was involved in the Civil Rights Movement, including a bus ride to Alabama, I think it was. (I figure that didn't go over so well, since my grandparents were genteel racists and some other relatives are ... less genteel about it.) While our area isn't highly diverse, we'll take what we can get. My parents went to considerable lengths to scrape up toys and books from different cultures for me, and to this day, I love museum and zoo gift shops for that. Mom's family comes from Tennessee has (at least some) Cherokee ancestry, which really showed in her with the high cheekbones and long dark hair. Teaching at the prison, most of the guys there were black or Hispanic. We all enjoyed a little subversive activism trying to get the guys excited about math and reading so they could go bedevil the Man with it.
* Support the Cherokee or a tribe in your area. You can find a list of Tennessee tribal organizations here.
* Here are some Hispanic organizations.
* These are leading black organizations.
* Look up the demographics in your town; Wikipedia entries often list ethnic groups and you can pick a local one to support.
* If you're a crafter, make diverse toys or dolls. This page has diversely colored fabrics for doll skins. Wood naturally comes in all skin tones. There are now many wonderful types of multicultural art supplies. Even if all you're doing is making decorations for your workplace, it matters.
* Read or give books on ethnic diversity for children or adults.
* Plant a Three Sisters Garden. If possible, figure out what kinds your local tribe(s) grew, because the varieties for the Southwest Desert area are very different from the Eastern Woodlands and so on.
* Help revive traditional foodways. Mom was very interested in my exploration of Native American Cookbooks. When I was little we made do with a few little booklets from museums and the like.
* Hold a giveaway or swap meet. The gift economy is both a Turtle Island thing and a hippie thing, and generosity is a great virtue.
Family -- Mom invested a lot of time and energy in family. Really a lot. Most of the rest of the stuff on this page overlaps this category. She was also the person everybody else turned to in a crisis. I've seen crying teenagers run the length of the school to get to her.
* Promote family-friendly policies in business and government.
* If you own or hold influence in a business, check your family-friendly policies. Do you have parental leave, family or personal days, bereavement leave? Can employees use flex time, telecommuting, etc. to accommodate family needs? Can they donate vacation or personal time to each other? Is there an employee in charge of things like emotional first aid or family outreach for special events like births or deaths, and do they get a bonus for that extra work?
* Practice intentional neighboring.
* Pick up something for your family to share, like a board game or a cookbook.
* Hug someone you love, spend time together, while you can.
* Call or write to loved ones far away.
* If you have not already done so, talk with your family about your and their end-of-life wishes. Remember that death is like birth; it's a lot more likely to go well if you plan ahead, and not doing so raises the risk of disaster.
Gardening -- When I was little, we had a huge vegetable garden here. By huge I mean that it's bigger than many urban yards. If you've seen my pictures of the prairie garden, that's where it was, and it filled much of the space between the road and the barn. Also the orchard dates back that far, and we used to have Concord grape vines. Now I have wild grapevines sprouting in random places, go figure. We had asparagus and top onions and rhubarb in patches scattered around the yard. Mulberries and black walnuts everywhere. My parents spoiled me when it comes to fruits and vegetables; I know what they're supposed to taste like, so I have little patience for commercial cardboard produce. :/ Hippiespawn demands the real thing.
* Grow heirloom fruits and vegetables. Find heirloom cultivars here.
* Try permaculture or other sustainable gardening approaches.
* Grow and use edible flowers, that's a fun hippie touch.
* Grow and use herbs. Culinary, craft, medicinal, magical, whatever floats your boat.
* Plant a wildflower or wildlife garden. You can find regional wildflower mixes or individual species.
* Whatever you grow, leave some extra for the baby butterflies. We always planted extra of things like dill that we knew would get eaten.
* Make seed bombs and do some guerrilla gardening. Favor seeds native to your area, as they can fend for themselves.
* If you don't have room or ability to garden, consider supporting gardeners in other ways. Look for farmer's markets, CSAs, U-pick, and food co-ops near you.
Hippie History and Bohemian Culture -- Mom never really quit being a hippie. She loved loud dresses and fantastic hats when I was younger. She played folk music and drank dandelion wine. She tried her level best to save the world, but well ... we all know how that goes.
* Study hippie history and famous hippies.
* Read hippie books.
* Enjoy bohemian crafts. The best book I've found on this topic is Native Funk and Flash.
* Tie-dye something. Dharma Trading has top-quality supplies and instructions; it takes more money and work but gives better results. Tulip is a popular source of one-step tye-dye kits and instructions; cheaper, easier, with decent but not spectacular results. I linked to many resources in these notes for the tie-dye party in "The Child Who Survived."
* Explore enlightenment. Useful writers include Robert Anton Wilson, Timothy Leary, and Carlos Castenada. Find the Others.
* Support medical marijuana, and for that matter, entheogenic and recreational use too. It has a lot of uses. If you're a scientist, you can get into research. Gamers might like Stoner Fluxx.
* Try yoga. It's good for many things, including grief and death. Oh hey, there's a heart-closing sequence, that ought to be good for putting pressure on soul injuries.
Houseplants -- Our house has always been full of plants. There's a big bay window in the living room, where Dad built a planter. It's the hippie houseplant window writ large. There used to be a big macrame hanger with a Boston fern in it, and floor plants, and all kinds of stuff. We'd sprout things like celery tops and avocado seeds. For a while we had a huge glass terrarium shaped kind of like a beehive.
* Give potted plants as gifts rather than cut flowers.
* Make a macrame plant hanger using easy or elaborate plans.
* Make a terrarium.
* Start garden plants indoors or sprouts for eating.
Reading and Writing -- Mom loved books of many kinds. She read speculative fiction and mysteries and nonfiction. She loved poetry, mine and other people's. My parents read to me all the time when I was little. Mom read me The Hobbit when I was four.
* Start a library in Africa. Yes, a whole library; there's a charity just for that. I'd really love to do this one.
* Read, write, or buy some poetry. Normally I'd be a good source for that, but after the Holiday Poetry Sale went nuts, I'm low on both supply and posting time. But you can plan to catch the January Poetry Fishbowl.
* Build a bookcase. I don't need speed-reading, I need speed-bookshelf-building.
* Read to the children in your life. You might spark the next great writer. Look what happened with me.
Space Exploration -- My parents are nerds. I grew up with NASA parties in the living room every time one of the probes arrived somewhere new. All our nerd friends came to eat peanuts, watch the new images on television, and debate the science. I miss that, it was so awesome. Our friend Howard Smith made and launched model rockets; we have lots of open area here. Well, mostly. There was that incident with Dad and the Gun and the Rocket in the Tree. When I was in junior high and high school, Mom supervised the Young Astronauts program.
* Support the space program including space exploration and planetary exploration.
* Learn about the Young Astronauts Program.
* Follow space news and write about it.
* Visit a planetarium. We used to go every year at school.
* Go skywatching.
* Defend the darkness. You can donate here. When we went out west, we took a star walk in Oklahoma with an Oglala guide. He and I spent the whole time swapping tribal star myths. It was so dark we could see the Milky Way. Here we have a really good rural site; you can see a little of the Milky Way.
STEMZ -- Mom supported all the geeky stuff. She was into computer programming so early it was done on paper tape or cards. She taught math, science, and computers at various times and places. STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics. I'm throwing in Zetetics (STEMZ is the Terramagne-American version) because we do have gizmology here (bleeding-edge technology) and a few examples of super-gizmology (smart fabrics, devices that emulate superpowers like airplanes giving Flight). Somebody has to invent the far-out stuff.
* Support women in STEM.
* Follow science news and write about it.
* Encourage inventors. It doesn't take expensive equipment or supplies, if you want to get people who can invent Iron Man in a cave, with a box of scraps.
* Develop jerryrigging and Macgyver skills.
* Learn to code for free.
* Learn science for free.
* Learn technology for free.
* Learn engineering for free.
* Learn math for free.
* Look into zetetics.
* Explore an ancestral computer: the jacquard loom. Sadly I couldn't find any for sale, but they used to be popular at craft and historic fairs, a little tabletop model that would make things such as coasters, placemats, or sashes. I've used one, and twisting the little cards is fun. And yes, every time we saw one, Mom would identify it as an ancestral computer and usually baffle the historically-oriented owner. Hippie geek.
Ideas from "In Lieu of Flowers" Lists
Gosh, I hardly need these after all of that. But I planned to include this section, so I want to finish it.
* Memorial bird feeders. These are so awesome! I love the cardinal one especially. Must remember this for future condolence occasions, perfect for nature lovers.
* Lots of places sell memorial windchimes, but you can also make your own. Really a good bohemian choice.
* Make a memory book. I'd like to do this. It's a good way of coping with loss. You can also give supplies if the intended recipient is crafty.
* Make a memorial stepping stone. Good for gardeners and bohemians alike.
* Assemble a DIY care package or shop for a gift basket. It's not quite Sad Cat, but it's close.
I'm pleased with how this entry turned out. It's really a little retrospective of Mom's life and interests. Life as a finished painting. I like this a lot better than random flowers in terms of honoring her memory. It offers a lot of ways to carry on the kinds of work she did and the things she valued. I'd love seeing more things like this in other people's memorials, to give me a better idea of the person if I didn't know them; I'd enjoy reading a menu of interesting options.
If you do something from this list, I'd love to hear about it. "I did the thing" reliably makes me feel good. As in Afro-Caribbean traditions where followers do things in their lwa's sphere of influence, it's all about doing that person's work in the world.
If you find any of this useful, feel free to borrow it for your own needs.
See the funeral home's obituary page. If you click the Tribute Wall tab, there's an option to plant a tree in her memory.
"In Lieu of Flowers" References:
I'd just like to give a little word of thanks to the etiquette writers of the world, since I spent many happy hours browsing such books in junior high and high school, and occasionally I find a really well-written article online now. It'd be nice if more folks used etiquette as social lubricant like it's intended, instead of a stick to beat people with, but at least the instructions are out there for anyone who cares to use them.
* "In Lieu of Flowers" Wording Ideas and Etiquette
* Funeral Etiquette: Donations In Lieu of Flowers
* In Lieu of Flowers: What to Ask For (and How to Say It) * What to Send to a Funeral Instead of Flowers
* 21 Unique Celebration of Life Ideas
* What To Send Instead of Flowers for Sympathy [25 Unique Funeral Gift Ideas]
* 46 Alternatives to Flowers
Charities and Worthy Causes
Mom was an activist. She really never stopped being a hippie. You could pretty much throw darts at a list of 1960s-70s causes and hit something she did. She didn't add many things after that because she already had her hands full, but did pick up a few extras along the way.
I am very much an old-fashioned activist because of my parents. I got started very early with things like going around to hand out flyers. My first picket, I think I was 5 years old, that was a strike to make the school pay teachers enough to live on. I helped make the signs and at one point when I was marching, one of the reporters stopped to ask me why we were striking. I think they expected to get some kind of cute-kid picture and quote. They were certainly not expecting a recital of the grievances I'd been hearing for weeks capped with "I want Daddy to make enough money so we can eat." Yeah. I didn't really have any kind of safety catch on The Mouth until years after that.
Explore a research guide to activism. Here's a Community Toolbox for all kinds of local activism and The Activist’s Handbook: A Guide to Activism on Global Issues. Go fix something. Anything. Mom left some tall boots to fill.
These are the two organizations we picked to list in the obituary, based on some of my parents' known donations:
* National Wildlife Foundation
* Southern Poverty Law Center
Dad wants to set up a scholarship at the Bismarck-Henning High School where both of them worked. I had thought about some sort of scholarship too. If any of that comes together, I'll let folks know.
Cooking -- We did a lot of cooking over the years. When I was little we also did canning and freezing to stock up for winter. Mom's homemade V8 juice was especially popular with the tomato-lovers; I preferred the grape.
* Donate time or money to your local cooking club, community kitchen, or culinary school.
* Send a favorite cookbook to a library or literacy project. Here at Fieldhaven we have all three of the original hippie cookbooks: Diet for a Small Planet (get the 50th anniversary edition), The Vegetarian Epicure, and The Moosewood Cookbook (see other options). I also recommend Hippie Food, although it's a history rather than a cookbook. Also I found this hilarious thing while searching online: What the F*@# Should I Make for Dinner?: The Answers to Life’s Everyday Question (in 50 F*@#ing Recipes).
* Teach a cooking class.
* Cook something with your family, while you can.
* Here are similar recipes for homemade V8 juice and grape juice. (Regarding the ability of grape juice to stain: we tie-dyed clothes with it. And the mulberries. And the grass clippings. If you put the cloth in a bag and hit it with a hammer, you can get circles or crescents.) Here's mine for making stock.
Crafts -- Mom enjoyed a wide variety of crafts and could usually find a way to make whatever was needed. Crochet, knitting, sewing. One year she supervised making a parade float. I spent a lot of time making stuff with my parents and grandparents growing up.
* Donate money, time, tools, or supplies to your local makerspace. They can always use stuff, and learning to make things is a vital life skill.
* Support your local yarn, quilting, or other craft store. If they offer classes, often they'll have an option for you to sponsor a student in need. I actually use Le Mouton Rouge Knittery in Bloomington, Illinois when I need to buy high-end fiber goodies for friends. You can also thank them for inspiration into some of my poems about fibercrafting. They have everything from bargains to far-out stuff like Zauberballs.
* Make a basic kit for crochet or knitting with a few tools, a couple colors of yarn, and printouts or a booklet of instructions on easy stitches and a few beginner projects. Craft stores often have free instructions as flyers or booklets. You can donate craft kits somewhere like a community center, youth center, or senior center; or just drop them off at a thrift store. They also make great gifts when someone you know needs a way to occupy their hands and time.
* If you are a fibercrafter, dig into your stash and make a box-bottom afghan or crazy quilt like the hippies did. Here is a method for crazy quilt blocks if you don't want to make the whole thing random.
* We used to have an Unfinished Furniture Store in town that we bought a lot of stuff from. Mom also loved antiques and sometimes upcycled things by repainting or repairing them. We have an old wind-up clock that had one lion face missing, so she made a mold of the remaining one, filled it with wood putty, and stuck that on; it looks pretty close. So build or fix or upcycle something.
Education -- Mom was a teacher. She taught Special Education, Science, Math, and Computers. She and Dad taught at the prison for years. She was a major part of the teacher's union.
* The Illinois Education Association has a regular donation page and a crisis fund.
* The National Education Association has a donation page too.
* Donations to your local school, computer literacy program, or other knowledge providers are also appropriate.
* Teach something. Pretty much anything, really.
Environment -- Hippies had a big part in launching the environmental movement. I remember the gas crisis of the 1970s, and when I asked about the lines, Mom explained about fossil fuels and politics and environmental issues. "Let's not buy oil from people who hate us" seemed like very good advice, and still does. We agitated for clean air and clean water. We worked on the ozone hole. Now people are trying to chip away at these accomplishments, so fight back.
There are trees in my yard that we got from the Arbor Day Foundation and planted together -- an oak and a maple for sure, I don't know if any of the others are. We're also on one of the main monarch butterfly migration routes; when I was little, they would cover the Home Base mulberry tree, but now I only see small chains if that. Mom liked to plant zinnias and other flowers for them; I'm growing goldenrod and milkweed. When we went traveling, we visited a lot of national parks and forests. When Mom vacationed in Florida, she got to see a wild dolphin tour guide who liked to bring his pod out to human-watch the tourist boats (and hope for item drops). If the world had listened to hippies more, we could've solved the climate change problem before it cooked off the atmosphere.
Live lightly on the Earth, folks, we don't have a Planet B.
* Make plans for Earth Day. There are many ways to celebrate it.
* Plant a tree(s). In most places, an oak has the most wildlife benefit, as they grow in many places around the world and support 4000+ species. The Arbor Day Foundation "Tree Wizard" can help you choose the right tree for your area and goals.
* Join the Arbor Day Foundation and get 10 free trees with your membership. If you don't have anywhere to put trees of your own, they also offer a memorial service, Trees in Memory, which plants trees in national forests.
* Protect dolphins. Here are some dolphin-related organizations you might like to support.
* Calculate your carbon footprint. Then take one new action to reduce your carbon footprint or other impacts.
* One of the biggest bang-for-buck actions you can take to protect the Earth: eat less or no beef. A vegan or vegetarian diet tends to reduce environmental impact. The flexitarian lifestyle (it's not really a diet) and Mediterranean diet both score well in health, satisfaction, and personal and environmental sustainability. Diet for a Small Planet wasn't kidding. You might have fun picking up a vegetarian cookbook to try some new recipes.
Ethnic Studies -- Mom always thought racism was stupid. She was involved in the Civil Rights Movement, including a bus ride to Alabama, I think it was. (I figure that didn't go over so well, since my grandparents were genteel racists and some other relatives are ... less genteel about it.) While our area isn't highly diverse, we'll take what we can get. My parents went to considerable lengths to scrape up toys and books from different cultures for me, and to this day, I love museum and zoo gift shops for that. Mom's family comes from Tennessee has (at least some) Cherokee ancestry, which really showed in her with the high cheekbones and long dark hair. Teaching at the prison, most of the guys there were black or Hispanic. We all enjoyed a little subversive activism trying to get the guys excited about math and reading so they could go bedevil the Man with it.
* Support the Cherokee or a tribe in your area. You can find a list of Tennessee tribal organizations here.
* Here are some Hispanic organizations.
* These are leading black organizations.
* Look up the demographics in your town; Wikipedia entries often list ethnic groups and you can pick a local one to support.
* If you're a crafter, make diverse toys or dolls. This page has diversely colored fabrics for doll skins. Wood naturally comes in all skin tones. There are now many wonderful types of multicultural art supplies. Even if all you're doing is making decorations for your workplace, it matters.
* Read or give books on ethnic diversity for children or adults.
* Plant a Three Sisters Garden. If possible, figure out what kinds your local tribe(s) grew, because the varieties for the Southwest Desert area are very different from the Eastern Woodlands and so on.
* Help revive traditional foodways. Mom was very interested in my exploration of Native American Cookbooks. When I was little we made do with a few little booklets from museums and the like.
* Hold a giveaway or swap meet. The gift economy is both a Turtle Island thing and a hippie thing, and generosity is a great virtue.
Family -- Mom invested a lot of time and energy in family. Really a lot. Most of the rest of the stuff on this page overlaps this category. She was also the person everybody else turned to in a crisis. I've seen crying teenagers run the length of the school to get to her.
* Promote family-friendly policies in business and government.
* If you own or hold influence in a business, check your family-friendly policies. Do you have parental leave, family or personal days, bereavement leave? Can employees use flex time, telecommuting, etc. to accommodate family needs? Can they donate vacation or personal time to each other? Is there an employee in charge of things like emotional first aid or family outreach for special events like births or deaths, and do they get a bonus for that extra work?
* Practice intentional neighboring.
* Pick up something for your family to share, like a board game or a cookbook.
* Hug someone you love, spend time together, while you can.
* Call or write to loved ones far away.
* If you have not already done so, talk with your family about your and their end-of-life wishes. Remember that death is like birth; it's a lot more likely to go well if you plan ahead, and not doing so raises the risk of disaster.
Gardening -- When I was little, we had a huge vegetable garden here. By huge I mean that it's bigger than many urban yards. If you've seen my pictures of the prairie garden, that's where it was, and it filled much of the space between the road and the barn. Also the orchard dates back that far, and we used to have Concord grape vines. Now I have wild grapevines sprouting in random places, go figure. We had asparagus and top onions and rhubarb in patches scattered around the yard. Mulberries and black walnuts everywhere. My parents spoiled me when it comes to fruits and vegetables; I know what they're supposed to taste like, so I have little patience for commercial cardboard produce. :/ Hippiespawn demands the real thing.
* Grow heirloom fruits and vegetables. Find heirloom cultivars here.
* Try permaculture or other sustainable gardening approaches.
* Grow and use edible flowers, that's a fun hippie touch.
* Grow and use herbs. Culinary, craft, medicinal, magical, whatever floats your boat.
* Plant a wildflower or wildlife garden. You can find regional wildflower mixes or individual species.
* Whatever you grow, leave some extra for the baby butterflies. We always planted extra of things like dill that we knew would get eaten.
* Make seed bombs and do some guerrilla gardening. Favor seeds native to your area, as they can fend for themselves.
* If you don't have room or ability to garden, consider supporting gardeners in other ways. Look for farmer's markets, CSAs, U-pick, and food co-ops near you.
Hippie History and Bohemian Culture -- Mom never really quit being a hippie. She loved loud dresses and fantastic hats when I was younger. She played folk music and drank dandelion wine. She tried her level best to save the world, but well ... we all know how that goes.
* Study hippie history and famous hippies.
* Read hippie books.
* Enjoy bohemian crafts. The best book I've found on this topic is Native Funk and Flash.
* Tie-dye something. Dharma Trading has top-quality supplies and instructions; it takes more money and work but gives better results. Tulip is a popular source of one-step tye-dye kits and instructions; cheaper, easier, with decent but not spectacular results. I linked to many resources in these notes for the tie-dye party in "The Child Who Survived."
* Explore enlightenment. Useful writers include Robert Anton Wilson, Timothy Leary, and Carlos Castenada. Find the Others.
* Support medical marijuana, and for that matter, entheogenic and recreational use too. It has a lot of uses. If you're a scientist, you can get into research. Gamers might like Stoner Fluxx.
* Try yoga. It's good for many things, including grief and death. Oh hey, there's a heart-closing sequence, that ought to be good for putting pressure on soul injuries.
Houseplants -- Our house has always been full of plants. There's a big bay window in the living room, where Dad built a planter. It's the hippie houseplant window writ large. There used to be a big macrame hanger with a Boston fern in it, and floor plants, and all kinds of stuff. We'd sprout things like celery tops and avocado seeds. For a while we had a huge glass terrarium shaped kind of like a beehive.
* Give potted plants as gifts rather than cut flowers.
* Make a macrame plant hanger using easy or elaborate plans.
* Make a terrarium.
* Start garden plants indoors or sprouts for eating.
Reading and Writing -- Mom loved books of many kinds. She read speculative fiction and mysteries and nonfiction. She loved poetry, mine and other people's. My parents read to me all the time when I was little. Mom read me The Hobbit when I was four.
* Start a library in Africa. Yes, a whole library; there's a charity just for that. I'd really love to do this one.
* Read, write, or buy some poetry. Normally I'd be a good source for that, but after the Holiday Poetry Sale went nuts, I'm low on both supply and posting time. But you can plan to catch the January Poetry Fishbowl.
* Build a bookcase. I don't need speed-reading, I need speed-bookshelf-building.
* Read to the children in your life. You might spark the next great writer. Look what happened with me.
Space Exploration -- My parents are nerds. I grew up with NASA parties in the living room every time one of the probes arrived somewhere new. All our nerd friends came to eat peanuts, watch the new images on television, and debate the science. I miss that, it was so awesome. Our friend Howard Smith made and launched model rockets; we have lots of open area here. Well, mostly. There was that incident with Dad and the Gun and the Rocket in the Tree. When I was in junior high and high school, Mom supervised the Young Astronauts program.
* Support the space program including space exploration and planetary exploration.
* Learn about the Young Astronauts Program.
* Follow space news and write about it.
* Visit a planetarium. We used to go every year at school.
* Go skywatching.
* Defend the darkness. You can donate here. When we went out west, we took a star walk in Oklahoma with an Oglala guide. He and I spent the whole time swapping tribal star myths. It was so dark we could see the Milky Way. Here we have a really good rural site; you can see a little of the Milky Way.
STEMZ -- Mom supported all the geeky stuff. She was into computer programming so early it was done on paper tape or cards. She taught math, science, and computers at various times and places. STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics. I'm throwing in Zetetics (STEMZ is the Terramagne-American version) because we do have gizmology here (bleeding-edge technology) and a few examples of super-gizmology (smart fabrics, devices that emulate superpowers like airplanes giving Flight). Somebody has to invent the far-out stuff.
* Support women in STEM.
* Follow science news and write about it.
* Encourage inventors. It doesn't take expensive equipment or supplies, if you want to get people who can invent Iron Man in a cave, with a box of scraps.
* Develop jerryrigging and Macgyver skills.
* Learn to code for free.
* Learn science for free.
* Learn technology for free.
* Learn engineering for free.
* Learn math for free.
* Look into zetetics.
* Explore an ancestral computer: the jacquard loom. Sadly I couldn't find any for sale, but they used to be popular at craft and historic fairs, a little tabletop model that would make things such as coasters, placemats, or sashes. I've used one, and twisting the little cards is fun. And yes, every time we saw one, Mom would identify it as an ancestral computer and usually baffle the historically-oriented owner. Hippie geek.
Ideas from "In Lieu of Flowers" Lists
Gosh, I hardly need these after all of that. But I planned to include this section, so I want to finish it.
* Memorial bird feeders. These are so awesome! I love the cardinal one especially. Must remember this for future condolence occasions, perfect for nature lovers.
* Lots of places sell memorial windchimes, but you can also make your own. Really a good bohemian choice.
* Make a memory book. I'd like to do this. It's a good way of coping with loss. You can also give supplies if the intended recipient is crafty.
* Make a memorial stepping stone. Good for gardeners and bohemians alike.
* Assemble a DIY care package or shop for a gift basket. It's not quite Sad Cat, but it's close.
I'm pleased with how this entry turned out. It's really a little retrospective of Mom's life and interests. Life as a finished painting. I like this a lot better than random flowers in terms of honoring her memory. It offers a lot of ways to carry on the kinds of work she did and the things she valued. I'd love seeing more things like this in other people's memorials, to give me a better idea of the person if I didn't know them; I'd enjoy reading a menu of interesting options.
If you do something from this list, I'd love to hear about it. "I did the thing" reliably makes me feel good. As in Afro-Caribbean traditions where followers do things in their lwa's sphere of influence, it's all about doing that person's work in the world.
If you find any of this useful, feel free to borrow it for your own needs.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-12-29 01:02 pm (UTC)I made a donation to 'the Samaritans' a suicide helpline that my mother had been involved in when younger despite the irony that she'd never been able to see her own daughter's suicidal potential.
Thank you!
Date: 2021-12-29 09:11 pm (UTC)I'm happy to hear that.
>> I made a donation to 'the Samaritans' a suicide helpline that my mother had been involved in when younger despite the irony that she'd never been able to see her own daughter's suicidal potential. <<
Good idea. It's about supporting the other person's causes.
I'm sorry she didn't notice it with you. Sometimes the helpline training is really specific -- there are scripts -- and without the activating phrases (if they say X, you say Y or Z) the identification or supportive processes don't always connect. That makes it different from a broader exploration of an issue in class.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-12-29 07:59 pm (UTC)Yay!
Date: 2021-12-29 08:59 pm (UTC)I wanted to do more than would fit into an obituary. I also wanted to address the common problem of people not knowing what to do or say after a loss, so they don't do anything. This has a range of easier to harder, free to affordable to more generous, so hopefully there will be something for everyone who wants to participate.
Re: Yay!
Date: 2021-12-31 11:20 pm (UTC)I am indeed sorry for your loss, however. She sounded like a wonderful woman; someone many of us can learn from now. May she be at peace. <3
Re: Yay!
Date: 2021-12-31 11:40 pm (UTC)For any issue, the internet makes it easy to run a search on various phrasings of "ways you can help" + "issue" to get suggestions. You can also search "organizations" + "issue" and some of those websites will have a "how you can help" tab with donation options, tips, etc.
Another general approach is to think about the issue and how it intersects with your areas of expertise. Take environmental activism -- I have a big yard, so I garden for wildlife; and I'm a writer, so I do some nature writing. A person in charge of a bank might choose native landscaping for the grounds outside and make a list of green investment options for interested customers. Everyone has skills and influence of some sort. You just cross-reference those with your interests of worthy causes to get actions in your reach.
>> This list helped me realize that, hey, I'm actually not doing too bad, <<
Go you!
>> and what I really need to do is arm myself with more education <<
Good idea. The internet and your local library are useful for that. You can also watch for presentations, which often have a "how you can help" section toward the end.
>> and align my time with mutual aid opportunities.<<
Check to see if your town has a homepage. Often that will have a section for local businesses and charities. You can then look for organizations to see whose activities overlap your interests. Other good places to check are your area newspaper and the local library. If there's a Chamber of Commerce, it will have businesses, usually with a directory; some also include nonprofits. Here's a site that helps you find local nonprofits. In fact "find X near me" is a useful online search in many cases, as many things have a finder website.
>> The fact that this is also in memory of a precious loved one is even better, and ultimately, very practical!<<
Aww. If Mom can inspire one new activist on the way out, that'd be awesome.
>> I am indeed sorry for your loss, however. She sounded like a wonderful woman; someone many of us can learn from now. May she be at peace. <3
Thanks. I'm sure she's fine.