Poem: "The Child Who Survived"
May. 29th, 2019 02:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis poem is spillover from the November 6, 2018 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by a prompt from torc87. It also fills the "T-shirt with words / picture / tie-dye" square in my 11-5-18 card for the Family Ties Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by a pool with ng_moonmoth, fuzzyred, technoshaman, zianuray, and book_worm5. It belongs to the Shiv thread of the Polychrome Heroics series. It follows "The Test of Freedom," so read that one first for maximum effect.
"The Child Who Survived"
[Saturday, May 9, 2015]
Shiv arrived somewhat shyly
on the arm of Junket, who
delivered him into chaos.
"They weren't kidding about
the circus," Luci said, grinning.
"It's a good thing I'm an aerialist!"
She let go of Junket's other arm
and scampered into the crowd.
The yard was full of Finns,
with the older ones just as
boisterous as the younger ones,
all of them jumbled together.
It took Shiv a minute to pick out
the picnic table with dyes and stuff
spread all over it. Card tables had been
set up for extra space, and there were
buckets and tubs of dye as well.
"Junket! We made you a shirt!"
Edison said, pelting over to hug him.
"But it's still wet so you can't wear it yet."
"Well, give me a sneak preview," Junket said
as he allowed Edison to lead him away.
Curious, Shiv tagged along behind.
Edison proudly displayed a wad
of fabric soaked in blue dyes, with
dabs of green and gold on one corner.
"When it's done, it's supposed to look
like this," Drew said, displaying a picture.
The image did indeed look a lot like
a peacock feather pressed onto
the left shoulder of the shirt.
"Cool," Shiv said, looking around
for Luci. She was with Aida.
He wandered over to see
what they were doing.
"These are mandalas,"
Aida said. "You make them
by folding and tying the shirt."
She had folded hers into a wedge,
its narrow end already dyed yellow and
red, the wider end turning blue and purple
as she dabbed the dyes onto the cloth.
"It sounds like Chinese tie dye,"
Luci said. "I'd love to do that, but I
don't know if it'll work with synthetic dye."
"We have indigo," Aida said, pointing
to an iron cauldron by the firepit. "Make sure
you get the safety instructions from Molly
if you haven't used that before."
Luci squealed in glee, clapping
her hands. "The old ladies at home use
indigo, woad, or sometimes other plant dyes.
It's messy, but it turns out so beautiful.
Let's see, I'll need thread and string ..."
Aida helped her find the supplies,
then turned to Shiv. "Are you ready
to make a shirt, or are you still watching?"
One thing Shiv loved about Aida was
that she didn't pester him to get going.
She just let him watch as long as he liked,
whether it was papercutting or now dyeing.
"I'd like to, but it looks ... complicated,"
Shiv said, shuffling his feet a bit.
"It's easier if you start with
a simpler design," Aida said.
"Have you ever done tie dye before?"
"No," Shiv said. "Nobody would
let me anywhere near dye."
He'd made enough messes with
ketchup, chocolate sauce, or
whatever else he could
get his hands on.
"They sure missed
the boat," Dr. G said. "I
bet you make great shirts."
He put a box on the table.
It looked completely full of shirts.
Shiv's jaw dropped. "Where did you
get so many t-shirts?" he asked.
"We bought an event package, like
we do every year," Dr. G said. "With
a gross of t-shirts -- that's twelve dozen --
there are plenty for everyone to try out
different things. Some folks also bring
other colors of shirt or other garments.
Keep what you like, and the extras
go to our local clothing bank."
"Yeah, sometimes I want
quieter colors," Tolli said.
"I brought some extra dyes
and dark shirts for bleaching."
"Okay, I get that," Shiv said.
"Small or medium?" Tolli asked,
sorting through the box of shirts.
"Either," Shiv said. "It depends
on the brand, how it's cut."
Dr. G took a shirt that Tolli
passed him, opened it out,
and held it against Shiv.
"This is a medium, and it gives you
a little more growing room since you're
working out and building muscle," Dr. G said.
"You could probably wear a small, though."
"Medium is fine," Shiv said. "I'm not picky.
This still looks pretty hard, though."
"It can be, but it doesn't have to be,"
Tolli said. "How about if I block
a t-shirt for you, and you color it?"
"That might work," Shiv said.
He was surprised to see that he
literally meant block it -- Tolli dipped
the shirt in water, folded it, and then
pressed it between two wooden blocks.
"Now you just choose a color and
squeeze the dye along the edges of
the fabric, like this," he said, pointing
to one that he had already done in
soft shades of blue, green, and brown.
"Okay, that I can do," Shiv said.
He grabbed the nearest bottle of dye,
which happened to be yellow, and
then followed the instructions.
Now and then, he looked around
to see what other people were doing.
"You can try another technique
after you finish this one," Dr. G said.
"They all look different," Shiv said.
"What even makes these family t-shirts?
Nobody could tell by looking at them!"
"We write on the inside hem," Dr. G said.
"You can put your name, the family name,
today's date -- whatever you like."
"But nobody sees that!" Shiv said.
"So?" Dr. G said, shrugging.
"We know it's there."
"You can always write
the word 'family' on the front
of yours if you want, or other words
to that effect," Tolli pointed out.
"Not really my thing," Shiv said,
shaking his head. "It's just
what I seen before."
"You don't have to copy
other people's ideas, Shiv,"
said Dr. G. "You can always
figure out your own instead."
"Like this?" Shiv said, holding up
the finished block of dyed fabric.
"Good job," Tolli said, grinning.
"That will look very nice, Shiv-ya,"
said Luci, who was tying thread
around tiny pinches of cloth.
"This is kinda fun," Shiv said.
"When can we see how it looks?"
"Tomorrow," Dr. G said dryly.
"Put your finished shirt into
a plastic bag. It needs to set
overnight. In the morning, we'll
open all the shirts and wash them.
That's why it's a weekend event."
"Oh," Shiv said. He felt
a little disappointed, but he
knew that art took time, so
he was trying to learn patience.
"Okay, tomorrow then."
Besides, it gave him
a reason to stick around.
"Would you like me to set up
a mandala t-shirt for you, too?"
Aida offered. "The folding is tricky,
but the dyeing is easy -- it's kind of
like cutting snowflakes from paper."
Just like that, Shiv could see it
in his head, the way dots of dye
on a wedge could make a shape.
"Yours is a sunburst," he said.
Aida grinned at him. "It sure is,"
she said. "I wanted to show
how the sun looks underwater."
"I think I want a snowflake,"
Shiv said. "Can I use the blue?"
"Go ahead," Aida said. "We have
several shades. Pick one or two."
Shiv picked navy and turquoise.
"I like these colors," he said.
"Okay," Aida said, handing him
the wedge of fabric clipped together
at several points along the edges.
"Try it out and see what happens."
Shiv used the dyes sparingly
toward the center, and then
more generously farther out.
When he was done, Aida
opened a plastic bag for him.
"Can I put my name on this one?"
Shiv asked, looking around for a pen.
"Sure," Aida said, passing him
a fabric pen. "Look for a white space
and you can write in that. If it doesn't
show up well, you can always redo it
tomorrow in a contrasting color."
"How will we know which is whose
before then?" Shiv said. "You can't
read the writing inside the bags."
"Just write your name on a piece of tape
and stick it to the bag," Dr. G said as
he pushed a roll along the table.
So Shiv put his name on
both of the plastic bags.
Then he realized that
Luci was still working on
the same shirt after he
had already finished two.
"How long is that gonna take?"
he said, peering down at it.
"Half a day or more," Luci said
with a laugh. "The tapestries,
they take a week just to tie!
A t-shirt is smaller, though, and
if I keep the design small, I might
have time to make a second one."
"I dunno how you can stand
to keep fiddling with that," he said.
"Oh, it's okay -- I like the details,"
Luci said. "Why don't you go explore
the other techniques? There are so many
to choose from! Don't worry about me,
I have Aida for company. She likes
making complicated patterns too."
So Shiv wandered around
the yard a bit, looking for
something else to try.
Several people clustered
around a table making
various striped shirts.
Simon was working on
a rainbow pride flag.
"Gay pride?" Shiv said.
"What are the others?
Or are they just colors?"
"Ace pride," Heron said.
"Black, gray, white, purple."
"Genderqueer pride," Halley said.
"Purple, white, and green. I also
made a transgender one for Griffin.
That's blue, pink, white, pink, blue."
"Is there a fuckup flag?" Shiv said.
"Because that would be me."
Heron peeled off his gloves
and pulled out his smartphone.
"Traumatagender," he said,
showing Shiv an image of
a flag striped in dull shades
of red, blue, and brown. "It's
used by people who survived
trauma so intense that none of
the other genders seem to fit."
"Well, shit," Shiv said, staring at it.
"The one for traumatasexual pride
is more ... graphic," Heron said,
paging ahead. The next flag looked
like pink and blue police lights seen
through broken glass. "It's for folks
whose sexual orientation was
shaped by intense trauma."
Shiv reached for it, then
dropped his hand. "Maybe
a little too accurate," he muttered.
"Also difficult to duplicate with tie dye,"
Heron said, putting his phone away.
"There are lots of other options, though,
if you want to try making one yourself."
"Like what?" Shiv said. After doing
a couple of shirts that other people
had folded for him to dye, he kind of
wanted to make one all by himself.
"Would you like try a crumple pattern?"
Heron said. "It's easy for beginners, and
hard to mess up if you use primaries,
analogous colors, or shades."
"I like those," Shiv said. "I've
learned a lot about color theory
from playing with creme pastels."
"Pick two or three favorites that
go together," Heron suggested.
"Then you just wad up the shirt --
you can fasten it with rubber bands
or string if you want -- and squeeze
the dyes onto it in different places."
It really was that easy.
Heron showed Shiv
how to wet and wring out
the shirt, then crumple it.
Shiv chose a dark blue,
a medium blue, and a purple
to blob onto the damp fabric so
they ran together a little bit.
When he finished, the shirt
was just a dark wet blob.
"Doesn't look like much,"
he grumbled, disappointed.
"Most tie-dye projects don't,
until you open them the next day,"
Heron said. "Waiting for the surprise
is part of the fun in making your own."
Shiv thought about how his watercolors
sometimes looked different in the morning.
"I think I see what you mean," he said.
From there, he drifted over to where
Mrs. Dr. Finn was working on a t-shirt.
She had apparently done the crumple thing
in yellow earlier, because it was almost dry,
and she had flattened it out on the table.
Now she had stencils stuck on the front
as she carefully dabbed darker dyes into
the holes using little makeup sponges.
Flowers of purple, green, and brown
bloomed against the yellow background.
"That's pretty, but it looks like it takes
forever to make," he said, shaking his head.
"It does take a while, but I have plenty
of practice with a sharp knife," she said.
"I heard that Luci is doing something
complicated too. What's up with that?"
"Some Chinese thing," Shiv said.
"She told me could take all day.
Tolli's doing some Japanese thing,
what'd he call it, um, shibby?"
"That sounds like shibori,"
said Mrs. Dr. Finn. "I'll have
to take a look at those later -- I've
never seen them done live, I've only
found tablecloths in the store."
They talked for a while longer
about Luci's project, and the ones
that Shiv had done himself.
It was kind of soothing to watch
her work, hands moving slowly
over the surface of her shirt.
Then Edison ran over to them
with a laughing Drew in tow.
"Shiv, Shiv!" yelled Edison.
"Will you come and paint me?"
"What?" Shiv said. "I thought
we were doing t-shirts all day."
"We are," Drew said. "Edison wants
to make scribble shirts -- you put the dye
in a bottle or a squirt gun and use
that to make blobs or streaks."
"Okay, what do you need
me for?" Shiv said, following
them over to their work zone.
"Do the background," Edison said.
"I need it for contrast, but it's too hard
to make it look good. My hands won't
do what I tell them." He frowned.
Shiv recognized the signs of
pending doom and hurried
to head it off. "That's because
they're still growing in," he said.
"Don't worry, I'll do your background."
"Pick your colors, Edison," Drew said
when they reached the table. "Then
I'll help set everything up for you."
"Yellow and green for the background,
please," Edison said, pointing to them.
"Can you leave me some white space?"
"Sure, whatever you want," Shiv said.
"I want the raspberry to squirt over it,"
Edison said, grabbing another bottle.
Shiv thought that would look awful,
but so what? He didn't have to wear it.
He put most of the yellow and green
on the left shoulder and right hem,
leaving a diagonal space in between.
Drew sprayed water over those areas,
helping the dyes blend together.
Then Edison squirted raspberry dye
over the middle part, which left
narrower lines and dots where
the fabric wasn't as wet.
It didn't look as dumb as
Shiv had expected, but he
still wouldn't want to wear it.
Drew's was even more ridiculous.
He asked Shiv to paint a heart and
a rainbow on the wet shirt with dye,
and then Drew added dots himself.
Halley had much better taste,
Shiv had to admit, eyeing
thon's projects from afar.
"Go on over and look at
Halley's t-shirts, Shiv, they
always turn out great," Drew said.
So Shiv wandered over and noticed
that some shirts were just lying there
with one part stuck in a bowl of dye.
"You're not doing anything much
with these t-shirts?" Shiv asked.
"Those are ombré," Halley explained.
"Capillary action pulls the dye from
one end of the fabric toward the other.
The part in the bowl will be dark, then
the color gets lighter as it goes farther."
"Huh. Cool," Shiv said. "What's
with all the piles of ice, though?"
"That's ice dyeing," Halley said.
"You put the shirt on a rack and
cover it with ice. Then you sprinkle
powdered dye over the ice. As
the ice melts, the dye goes onto
the fabric in random patterns."
"Like rain painting," Shiv said.
He'd seen a teacher do that before,
covering heavy paper with paint powder
and then carrying it outside for the rain
to turn into paint and make a picture.
"Yeah, it does look a lot like that
when it's finished," Halley said.
"Can I do one?" Shiv asked.
"Okay, but if we're starting
a new batch, then we both need
to put on dust masks," Halley said.
"The powdered dye is nasty."
Shiv remembered how Aida
had done the mandala shirts, and
he'd seen other people bunching them
in different ways, too. Now Halley
had the ice thing going here.
With nimble fingers, Shiv
put the ideas together, tying up
his shirt in a way that he hoped
would give it sort of a starburst look.
"Would you help me do a few more?"
Halley asked. "We need to finish up
the extra t-shirts, and not everyone
likes the same methods that I do."
"Guess it won't kill me to pitch in,"
Shiv agreed, and tied several more,
each one tied in a different way, some
with only one dye and others mixed.
He enjoyed sprinkling the dyes on,
trying to imagine how they'd turn out.
"Hey Halley, what size t-shirt
does your da wear?" Shiv said.
"Men's large," Halley said. "You want
to make one for him? He'd love that.
We make each other shirts a lot."
"Yeah, I want to," Shiv said.
Halley's smile was sunlight
and fireworks all together.
"Here you go," thon said,
and passed him a large t-shirt.
"Thanks," Shiv said, reaching
for the bag of rubber bands.
"What are the brightest dyes?
You know how he picks sweaters."
Halley laughed. "Warm or cool?"
"Both," Shiv said as he banded
the mandala. "I want high contrast,
and light-dark shades of some colors."
"Well, Firecracker and Deep Orange
mix well," Halley said. "There's Hot Pink
and Raspberry, Turquoise and Glacier Blue ..."
"Let's start with Firecracker and Deep Orange,"
Shiv decided. "Okay, now give me purples."
"Seriously?" Halley said, raising an eyebrow.
"I know what I'm doing," Shiv said. "Or well,
I would if these were creme pastels. I've
been doing art therapy for months, I know
what colors will make him smile. If they work
in ice dyeing, which is totally new to me."
"We'll find out," Halley said. "That's the fun
of this method, at least for me. I like surprises.
The dyes don't give away their secrets too soon."
Thon sorted through the dyes. "Raspberry is
pretty bright, kind of a rosy purple. I think
Grape-Violet is probably the brightest."
"Raspberry and something dark," Shiv said.
"Imperial Purple is the darkest one,"
Halley said, handing it over.
Shiv set the cups of dye
together, lighter and darker
orange, then the purples.
"Okay, those might balance
after all," Halley said. "They clash,
but they're all equally bright."
"Yeah, I know," Shiv said,
then smirked. "Now I need
a pale blue and a dark green."
"What?" Halley said. "Those
won't go at all. You'll get mud."
"Not if I put them in different places,"
Shiv said. "Oh, and a yellow, to
brighten the green and orange."
He wound up choosing Glacier Blue,
Forest Green, and Citrus Yellow.
"This is nuts," Halley said,
covering the shirt with ice,
but thon was smiling.
"Have you seen the way
your da dresses?" Shiv said.
He piled the orange shades in
the center of the shirt, then lay down
heaps of the purples around it,
dusted with the pale blue.
Toward the outside, where
the corners of the shirt would be,
he scattered a little dark green.
Finally Shiv put just a little yellow
in the center and at the outside.
"I can't wait to see how this one
turns out later," Halley said.
"It's really gonna pop."
"Well, we won't know until
tomorrow," Shiv said. "These
have to sit before we undo them
and see how they actually look."
"Yeah, I know," Halley said.
"It's still hard." Thon set up
more wads of cloth and then
heaped the ice on top of them.
"Why's that one so much smaller?"
Shiv asked, pointing at a tiny pile.
"Baby onesie," Halley said as thon
scattered dyes over the ice. "I'm
hoping to get a good galaxy print.
If it works, I'll put on the stars
tomorrow with white paint."
"Onesies, huh?" Shiv said.
"Yeah," Halley said, waving
a hand toward another table.
"Go see what Heron and Mallory
are doing with theirs. I think
Da went over there too."
Curious, Shiv checked out
the cluster of people there.
Heron had already finished
an adult-sized t-shirt in brown,
with rubber bands wrapped around it
that would leave white circles behind.
Currently he was painting rainbow lines
on a onesie that was already blue in
most parts, with one yellow blob.
"What design is that?" Shiv asked.
"It looks all mixed up, so far."
"It's a rainbow under a sun,"
Heron said. "I want my daughter
to have blue skies and smiles."
Nice for somebody to get those.
"I'm doing a heart," Mallory said,
although she was presently putting
a lot of black between dabs of
pink, orange, turquoise, and lime.
"I'm just making a basic spiral,"
Dr. G said. He was using
softer colors, too -- peach,
lavender, and light blue.
"Hey, Shiv," said Tolli as
he strolled over to them.
"Simon and I want to make
some friendship shirts.
Do you want in?"
"On what?" Shiv said.
"Which pattern are you using?"
"It depends on how many shirts
you're using," Tolli explained.
"With two, you make a twist --"
"Oh, like hair twists?" Shiv said.
"Sure, I know how to do those."
"With three, you make a braid,"
Tolli said. "Either way, you put dyes
on the rope of shirts, and when you
unwrap them, it makes a design
based on how they went together."
"Could I ... maybe do more than one?"
Shiv wondered, thinking of Luci.
"Of course," Tolli said. "We're
only about halfway through the shirts."
They started with a braid, first pulling
each shirt into a rope and fastening
them with several rubber bands.
Then they banded the shirts
together and braided them.
Next they put the colors on,
using red, blue, and yellow.
Those ran together in places
to become orange and green.
"See, when we unwrap these,
the white parts will show where
they were touching," Simon said.
It was sort of like a hug you could wear,
and nobody else would know about,
but Shiv didn't say that out loud.
A wail went up, and Shiv jerked upright.
Mrs. Dr. Finn was carrying Edison
through the yard to the house.
"Shit, what happened?" Shiv said.
"Did he hurt himself, or what?"
There was a fire going for
some of the cauldron dyes, and
that powder was nasty stuff ...
"He's just overwhelmed," Tolli said.
"When little kids get excited, they don't
know how to tone it down or when
to take a break, so sometimes
they melt down like that. He'll
be fine after a snack and a nap."
For once, Shiv wasn't the person
throwing a fit and wrecking the day.
He hoped Edison would be okay, though.
Next Shiv took a medium shirt for himself
and a small one for Luci. He twisted them
into ropes and then twined them together.
Then he squeezed on a little pale blue dye.
When that was done, he took the bundle
to Luci. "I'm making friendship shirts
for us," he said. "Pick out a color?"
"Shiv-ya, I have my own project,"
Luci protested. "I told you it takes time."
"I know, but can you spare like two minutes
to put some dye on this?" he said, showing
her the twisted rope made from two shirts.
To his surprise, she produced a bottle
of black dye and squirted it along the shirts.
Well, that ought to turn out interesting.
It looked kind of like streaky clouds.
"Thanks," he said. "So ... how's
your thing going? Is it working?"
"Oh yes," Luci said, pointing to
a cauldron. "Mine is in there. It needs
many trips through the dye to get darker."
"I thought you just soaked things?" he said.
"For some dyes, yes, but this is indigo.
You know how dark jeans fade over time
especially at the knees?" Luci said.
"Well, yeah," Shiv said. "That's
what tells you they're broken in now."
"It happens because the indigo goes on
the outside, and the middle of each thread
stays white," Luci said. "It wears through."
"Huh, I didn't know that," Shiv said.
"Come on, it's time to pull it out and
let it get some air again," Luci said.
"I'll show you how this works."
When she lifted it to a drying rack,
the cloth had a greenish tinge, but
as she worked it over, the color
changed to a rich blue.
It was also knotted into
the most bizarre shapes.
"Wow," Shiv said softly.
"It looks like some kind of
weird sea cucumber."
Luci laughed. "Wait until
I unwrap it tomorrow!"
She cleaned up, then went
back to knotting the white cloth.
"If you already put your t-shirt
into the dye, then what's that?"
he wondered, pointing at it.
"Silly," she said, "this is yours!"
Shiv's throat tightened around
his breath. He couldn't imagine
anyone spending so much time
to make something for him.
"Are you okay? Did I do
something wrong? Do you
not like it?" Luci fretted.
"Fine," Shiv squeaked.
"Sure it's gorgeous. Need
to bag up our twist."
He scuttled back to
the relative safety of
Tolli and Simon.
"What happened?"
Simon asked, worried.
Shiv shrugged, putting
the twisted shirts into
a plastic bag, then writing
Shiv & Luci on the tape.
"Ah," Simon said. "Too much
togetherness for you right now?"
"Yeah, maybe," Shiv said.
"It can get overwhelming
even if you like it, or think
you might," Simon said.
"It's so -- everything is
different here," Shiv said.
"Considering your past, I'd call
that a good thing," Simon said.
"Still feels weird, though, doesn't it?
Just give yourself a chance to get
used to it. Don't push too hard.
You can take a break if you need to."
"Maybe later," Shiv said. "I want
to finish another shirt or two. I liked
that peacock one for Junket, but
I don't know if I could do anything
quite that fancy in a new medium."
"I've seen you do pretty fancy things
with your graffiti," Tolli chimed in.
"Yeah, but I been doin' that for years,"
Shiv said. "I know how spray paint works."
"Why not combine the two?" Simon said.
"I'm sure I saw something about graffiti tie dye
when we were hunting peacock patterns."
He stripped off his gloves and took out
his smartphone. "Yep, here it is."
Shiv looked at the screen.
"Okay, yeah, that does look
like graffiti," he said. "It takes
a really long time to do, though."
"So?" Simon said. "You'll be here
tomorrow, unless you've had enough.
Do the tie-dye part tonight, let it dry,
then put on the graffiti with fabric pens
in the morning. Rinse and wash. Done."
Shiv looked over the instructions again,
finding where Simon had substituted pens
for the paint stuff that they didn't have.
Doing graffiti in pen was familiar,
even if he wrote on fabric instead of
scribbling cuss words on bathroom walls.
He started drawing a feather with
dye-resist stuff on his t-shirt.
Meanwhile, Simon and Tolli
set up their next t-shirts too.
Both had peace signs, but
Simon's was red, white, and blue
while Tolli's was camo colors and
and had a broad swirl behind it.
After Shiv finished putting the dye on
his t-shirt, he made a note on the bag
to write in the graffiti tomorrow.
He stretched, trying to loosen
stiff muscles. Then he got up
and walked around the yard.
Shiv found Molly leaning over
a wet t-shirt, dripping and spattering
drops of different dyes on the cloth.
The colors melted together in places,
leaving other parts white. There were
blobs of pink and peach, or green and blue,
with occasional dots of yellow or lavender.
"That's pretty," Shiv said, watching her work.
"Thanks," Molly said. "I like to see how
the colors blend into each other when
I work with wet fabric like this.
It's like family, you know?"
"Maybe your crazy family,"
Shiv said, shaking his head.
"How so?" Molly asked him.
"Most families are nothing like this,"
Shiv said. He waved at the yard.
"I mean, you're all out here playing
with wet t-shirts and rainbow dyes,
like kids, even the grownups!"
"The creative adult is
the child who survived after
the world tried killing them,
making them grown up,"
Molly said quietly.
"What?" Shiv said,
blinking at her. "What's
that supposed to mean?"
"The creative adult is the child
who survived the blandness of
schooling, the unhelpful words of
bad teachers, and the nay-saying
ways of the world," Molly said.
"Okay, that I get," Shiv said.
He'd had enough of all those ...
and yet, somehow, he still had
his art even if most of it was graffiti.
So yeah, that was how Shiv
thought of himself, down deep:
He was the child who survived.
"It means we've kept a child's ability
to create for the joy of it, and to delight in
surprises, while gaining an adult's awareness
of greater complexities," Molly concluded.
Shiv thought about that, and how everyone
had encouraged him to make stuff without
pressuring him into anything, not even staying.
He thought about their ever-ready praise
of his efforts, and each other's, and
their willingness to try new things.
He looked around the yard filled
with all the colors in the world,
and nobody screaming, except
for that time Edison got upset
and had to go in for a nap.
They didn't mind if, maybe
sometimes, Shiv acted like
a child instead of a grown man.
They didn't treat him like he
was broken, even though he was.
It wasn't at all the sort of thing
that Shiv had grown up with,
and wasn't that a wonder.
He watched Molly dripping dye
onto her soggy t-shirt and realized
that there were a lot of things
worse than becoming a part
of this weird, wonderful family.
"I got an idea," Shiv said,
and picked up a medium shirt.
He borrowed a bucket of black dye
that had just about run out of oomph.
He dunked the t-shirt just long enough
to turn the whole thing a pale gray.
He needed soft edges and
similar shades for this to work.
There wasn't a bottle of
dye-resist stuff on Molly's table,
but there was tape, and that
would work for his needs.
"That's awfully narrow,"
Molly said. "Won't it be
hard to read anything?"
"Yeah, that's the point,"
Shiv said. Just because
he might include himself in
didn't mean everyone else
needed to know about it.
Carefully he spelled out
Finn Family 5-9-15
on the back of it.
He dribbled black dye
on the front of the shirt,
some in small flecks,
some in big blobs.
He watched how they
spread and interacted,
using the front as a test.
Then he flipped it over
to where he'd put the tape
and scattered just enough dye
that he could see the edges
of the writing in places.
He didn't want it to be clear.
It was only meant for himself.
Yet the rest of them were there,
in the shirt and the dye and
the techniques that Shiv had
learned from them today.
Maybe that would help him survive.
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so the notes appear in another post.
torc87. It also fills the "T-shirt with words / picture / tie-dye" square in my 11-5-18 card for the Family Ties Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by a pool with ng_moonmoth, fuzzyred, technoshaman, zianuray, and book_worm5. It belongs to the Shiv thread of the Polychrome Heroics series. It follows "The Test of Freedom," so read that one first for maximum effect."The Child Who Survived"
[Saturday, May 9, 2015]
Shiv arrived somewhat shyly
on the arm of Junket, who
delivered him into chaos.
"They weren't kidding about
the circus," Luci said, grinning.
"It's a good thing I'm an aerialist!"
She let go of Junket's other arm
and scampered into the crowd.
The yard was full of Finns,
with the older ones just as
boisterous as the younger ones,
all of them jumbled together.
It took Shiv a minute to pick out
the picnic table with dyes and stuff
spread all over it. Card tables had been
set up for extra space, and there were
buckets and tubs of dye as well.
"Junket! We made you a shirt!"
Edison said, pelting over to hug him.
"But it's still wet so you can't wear it yet."
"Well, give me a sneak preview," Junket said
as he allowed Edison to lead him away.
Curious, Shiv tagged along behind.
Edison proudly displayed a wad
of fabric soaked in blue dyes, with
dabs of green and gold on one corner.
"When it's done, it's supposed to look
like this," Drew said, displaying a picture.
The image did indeed look a lot like
a peacock feather pressed onto
the left shoulder of the shirt.
"Cool," Shiv said, looking around
for Luci. She was with Aida.
He wandered over to see
what they were doing.
"These are mandalas,"
Aida said. "You make them
by folding and tying the shirt."
She had folded hers into a wedge,
its narrow end already dyed yellow and
red, the wider end turning blue and purple
as she dabbed the dyes onto the cloth.
"It sounds like Chinese tie dye,"
Luci said. "I'd love to do that, but I
don't know if it'll work with synthetic dye."
"We have indigo," Aida said, pointing
to an iron cauldron by the firepit. "Make sure
you get the safety instructions from Molly
if you haven't used that before."
Luci squealed in glee, clapping
her hands. "The old ladies at home use
indigo, woad, or sometimes other plant dyes.
It's messy, but it turns out so beautiful.
Let's see, I'll need thread and string ..."
Aida helped her find the supplies,
then turned to Shiv. "Are you ready
to make a shirt, or are you still watching?"
One thing Shiv loved about Aida was
that she didn't pester him to get going.
She just let him watch as long as he liked,
whether it was papercutting or now dyeing.
"I'd like to, but it looks ... complicated,"
Shiv said, shuffling his feet a bit.
"It's easier if you start with
a simpler design," Aida said.
"Have you ever done tie dye before?"
"No," Shiv said. "Nobody would
let me anywhere near dye."
He'd made enough messes with
ketchup, chocolate sauce, or
whatever else he could
get his hands on.
"They sure missed
the boat," Dr. G said. "I
bet you make great shirts."
He put a box on the table.
It looked completely full of shirts.
Shiv's jaw dropped. "Where did you
get so many t-shirts?" he asked.
"We bought an event package, like
we do every year," Dr. G said. "With
a gross of t-shirts -- that's twelve dozen --
there are plenty for everyone to try out
different things. Some folks also bring
other colors of shirt or other garments.
Keep what you like, and the extras
go to our local clothing bank."
"Yeah, sometimes I want
quieter colors," Tolli said.
"I brought some extra dyes
and dark shirts for bleaching."
"Okay, I get that," Shiv said.
"Small or medium?" Tolli asked,
sorting through the box of shirts.
"Either," Shiv said. "It depends
on the brand, how it's cut."
Dr. G took a shirt that Tolli
passed him, opened it out,
and held it against Shiv.
"This is a medium, and it gives you
a little more growing room since you're
working out and building muscle," Dr. G said.
"You could probably wear a small, though."
"Medium is fine," Shiv said. "I'm not picky.
This still looks pretty hard, though."
"It can be, but it doesn't have to be,"
Tolli said. "How about if I block
a t-shirt for you, and you color it?"
"That might work," Shiv said.
He was surprised to see that he
literally meant block it -- Tolli dipped
the shirt in water, folded it, and then
pressed it between two wooden blocks.
"Now you just choose a color and
squeeze the dye along the edges of
the fabric, like this," he said, pointing
to one that he had already done in
soft shades of blue, green, and brown.
"Okay, that I can do," Shiv said.
He grabbed the nearest bottle of dye,
which happened to be yellow, and
then followed the instructions.
Now and then, he looked around
to see what other people were doing.
"You can try another technique
after you finish this one," Dr. G said.
"They all look different," Shiv said.
"What even makes these family t-shirts?
Nobody could tell by looking at them!"
"We write on the inside hem," Dr. G said.
"You can put your name, the family name,
today's date -- whatever you like."
"But nobody sees that!" Shiv said.
"So?" Dr. G said, shrugging.
"We know it's there."
"You can always write
the word 'family' on the front
of yours if you want, or other words
to that effect," Tolli pointed out.
"Not really my thing," Shiv said,
shaking his head. "It's just
what I seen before."
"You don't have to copy
other people's ideas, Shiv,"
said Dr. G. "You can always
figure out your own instead."
"Like this?" Shiv said, holding up
the finished block of dyed fabric.
"Good job," Tolli said, grinning.
"That will look very nice, Shiv-ya,"
said Luci, who was tying thread
around tiny pinches of cloth.
"This is kinda fun," Shiv said.
"When can we see how it looks?"
"Tomorrow," Dr. G said dryly.
"Put your finished shirt into
a plastic bag. It needs to set
overnight. In the morning, we'll
open all the shirts and wash them.
That's why it's a weekend event."
"Oh," Shiv said. He felt
a little disappointed, but he
knew that art took time, so
he was trying to learn patience.
"Okay, tomorrow then."
Besides, it gave him
a reason to stick around.
"Would you like me to set up
a mandala t-shirt for you, too?"
Aida offered. "The folding is tricky,
but the dyeing is easy -- it's kind of
like cutting snowflakes from paper."
Just like that, Shiv could see it
in his head, the way dots of dye
on a wedge could make a shape.
"Yours is a sunburst," he said.
Aida grinned at him. "It sure is,"
she said. "I wanted to show
how the sun looks underwater."
"I think I want a snowflake,"
Shiv said. "Can I use the blue?"
"Go ahead," Aida said. "We have
several shades. Pick one or two."
Shiv picked navy and turquoise.
"I like these colors," he said.
"Okay," Aida said, handing him
the wedge of fabric clipped together
at several points along the edges.
"Try it out and see what happens."
Shiv used the dyes sparingly
toward the center, and then
more generously farther out.
When he was done, Aida
opened a plastic bag for him.
"Can I put my name on this one?"
Shiv asked, looking around for a pen.
"Sure," Aida said, passing him
a fabric pen. "Look for a white space
and you can write in that. If it doesn't
show up well, you can always redo it
tomorrow in a contrasting color."
"How will we know which is whose
before then?" Shiv said. "You can't
read the writing inside the bags."
"Just write your name on a piece of tape
and stick it to the bag," Dr. G said as
he pushed a roll along the table.
So Shiv put his name on
both of the plastic bags.
Then he realized that
Luci was still working on
the same shirt after he
had already finished two.
"How long is that gonna take?"
he said, peering down at it.
"Half a day or more," Luci said
with a laugh. "The tapestries,
they take a week just to tie!
A t-shirt is smaller, though, and
if I keep the design small, I might
have time to make a second one."
"I dunno how you can stand
to keep fiddling with that," he said.
"Oh, it's okay -- I like the details,"
Luci said. "Why don't you go explore
the other techniques? There are so many
to choose from! Don't worry about me,
I have Aida for company. She likes
making complicated patterns too."
So Shiv wandered around
the yard a bit, looking for
something else to try.
Several people clustered
around a table making
various striped shirts.
Simon was working on
a rainbow pride flag.
"Gay pride?" Shiv said.
"What are the others?
Or are they just colors?"
"Ace pride," Heron said.
"Black, gray, white, purple."
"Genderqueer pride," Halley said.
"Purple, white, and green. I also
made a transgender one for Griffin.
That's blue, pink, white, pink, blue."
"Is there a fuckup flag?" Shiv said.
"Because that would be me."
Heron peeled off his gloves
and pulled out his smartphone.
"Traumatagender," he said,
showing Shiv an image of
a flag striped in dull shades
of red, blue, and brown. "It's
used by people who survived
trauma so intense that none of
the other genders seem to fit."
"Well, shit," Shiv said, staring at it.
"The one for traumatasexual pride
is more ... graphic," Heron said,
paging ahead. The next flag looked
like pink and blue police lights seen
through broken glass. "It's for folks
whose sexual orientation was
shaped by intense trauma."
Shiv reached for it, then
dropped his hand. "Maybe
a little too accurate," he muttered.
"Also difficult to duplicate with tie dye,"
Heron said, putting his phone away.
"There are lots of other options, though,
if you want to try making one yourself."
"Like what?" Shiv said. After doing
a couple of shirts that other people
had folded for him to dye, he kind of
wanted to make one all by himself.
"Would you like try a crumple pattern?"
Heron said. "It's easy for beginners, and
hard to mess up if you use primaries,
analogous colors, or shades."
"I like those," Shiv said. "I've
learned a lot about color theory
from playing with creme pastels."
"Pick two or three favorites that
go together," Heron suggested.
"Then you just wad up the shirt --
you can fasten it with rubber bands
or string if you want -- and squeeze
the dyes onto it in different places."
It really was that easy.
Heron showed Shiv
how to wet and wring out
the shirt, then crumple it.
Shiv chose a dark blue,
a medium blue, and a purple
to blob onto the damp fabric so
they ran together a little bit.
When he finished, the shirt
was just a dark wet blob.
"Doesn't look like much,"
he grumbled, disappointed.
"Most tie-dye projects don't,
until you open them the next day,"
Heron said. "Waiting for the surprise
is part of the fun in making your own."
Shiv thought about how his watercolors
sometimes looked different in the morning.
"I think I see what you mean," he said.
From there, he drifted over to where
Mrs. Dr. Finn was working on a t-shirt.
She had apparently done the crumple thing
in yellow earlier, because it was almost dry,
and she had flattened it out on the table.
Now she had stencils stuck on the front
as she carefully dabbed darker dyes into
the holes using little makeup sponges.
Flowers of purple, green, and brown
bloomed against the yellow background.
"That's pretty, but it looks like it takes
forever to make," he said, shaking his head.
"It does take a while, but I have plenty
of practice with a sharp knife," she said.
"I heard that Luci is doing something
complicated too. What's up with that?"
"Some Chinese thing," Shiv said.
"She told me could take all day.
Tolli's doing some Japanese thing,
what'd he call it, um, shibby?"
"That sounds like shibori,"
said Mrs. Dr. Finn. "I'll have
to take a look at those later -- I've
never seen them done live, I've only
found tablecloths in the store."
They talked for a while longer
about Luci's project, and the ones
that Shiv had done himself.
It was kind of soothing to watch
her work, hands moving slowly
over the surface of her shirt.
Then Edison ran over to them
with a laughing Drew in tow.
"Shiv, Shiv!" yelled Edison.
"Will you come and paint me?"
"What?" Shiv said. "I thought
we were doing t-shirts all day."
"We are," Drew said. "Edison wants
to make scribble shirts -- you put the dye
in a bottle or a squirt gun and use
that to make blobs or streaks."
"Okay, what do you need
me for?" Shiv said, following
them over to their work zone.
"Do the background," Edison said.
"I need it for contrast, but it's too hard
to make it look good. My hands won't
do what I tell them." He frowned.
Shiv recognized the signs of
pending doom and hurried
to head it off. "That's because
they're still growing in," he said.
"Don't worry, I'll do your background."
"Pick your colors, Edison," Drew said
when they reached the table. "Then
I'll help set everything up for you."
"Yellow and green for the background,
please," Edison said, pointing to them.
"Can you leave me some white space?"
"Sure, whatever you want," Shiv said.
"I want the raspberry to squirt over it,"
Edison said, grabbing another bottle.
Shiv thought that would look awful,
but so what? He didn't have to wear it.
He put most of the yellow and green
on the left shoulder and right hem,
leaving a diagonal space in between.
Drew sprayed water over those areas,
helping the dyes blend together.
Then Edison squirted raspberry dye
over the middle part, which left
narrower lines and dots where
the fabric wasn't as wet.
It didn't look as dumb as
Shiv had expected, but he
still wouldn't want to wear it.
Drew's was even more ridiculous.
He asked Shiv to paint a heart and
a rainbow on the wet shirt with dye,
and then Drew added dots himself.
Halley had much better taste,
Shiv had to admit, eyeing
thon's projects from afar.
"Go on over and look at
Halley's t-shirts, Shiv, they
always turn out great," Drew said.
So Shiv wandered over and noticed
that some shirts were just lying there
with one part stuck in a bowl of dye.
"You're not doing anything much
with these t-shirts?" Shiv asked.
"Those are ombré," Halley explained.
"Capillary action pulls the dye from
one end of the fabric toward the other.
The part in the bowl will be dark, then
the color gets lighter as it goes farther."
"Huh. Cool," Shiv said. "What's
with all the piles of ice, though?"
"That's ice dyeing," Halley said.
"You put the shirt on a rack and
cover it with ice. Then you sprinkle
powdered dye over the ice. As
the ice melts, the dye goes onto
the fabric in random patterns."
"Like rain painting," Shiv said.
He'd seen a teacher do that before,
covering heavy paper with paint powder
and then carrying it outside for the rain
to turn into paint and make a picture.
"Yeah, it does look a lot like that
when it's finished," Halley said.
"Can I do one?" Shiv asked.
"Okay, but if we're starting
a new batch, then we both need
to put on dust masks," Halley said.
"The powdered dye is nasty."
Shiv remembered how Aida
had done the mandala shirts, and
he'd seen other people bunching them
in different ways, too. Now Halley
had the ice thing going here.
With nimble fingers, Shiv
put the ideas together, tying up
his shirt in a way that he hoped
would give it sort of a starburst look.
"Would you help me do a few more?"
Halley asked. "We need to finish up
the extra t-shirts, and not everyone
likes the same methods that I do."
"Guess it won't kill me to pitch in,"
Shiv agreed, and tied several more,
each one tied in a different way, some
with only one dye and others mixed.
He enjoyed sprinkling the dyes on,
trying to imagine how they'd turn out.
"Hey Halley, what size t-shirt
does your da wear?" Shiv said.
"Men's large," Halley said. "You want
to make one for him? He'd love that.
We make each other shirts a lot."
"Yeah, I want to," Shiv said.
Halley's smile was sunlight
and fireworks all together.
"Here you go," thon said,
and passed him a large t-shirt.
"Thanks," Shiv said, reaching
for the bag of rubber bands.
"What are the brightest dyes?
You know how he picks sweaters."
Halley laughed. "Warm or cool?"
"Both," Shiv said as he banded
the mandala. "I want high contrast,
and light-dark shades of some colors."
"Well, Firecracker and Deep Orange
mix well," Halley said. "There's Hot Pink
and Raspberry, Turquoise and Glacier Blue ..."
"Let's start with Firecracker and Deep Orange,"
Shiv decided. "Okay, now give me purples."
"Seriously?" Halley said, raising an eyebrow.
"I know what I'm doing," Shiv said. "Or well,
I would if these were creme pastels. I've
been doing art therapy for months, I know
what colors will make him smile. If they work
in ice dyeing, which is totally new to me."
"We'll find out," Halley said. "That's the fun
of this method, at least for me. I like surprises.
The dyes don't give away their secrets too soon."
Thon sorted through the dyes. "Raspberry is
pretty bright, kind of a rosy purple. I think
Grape-Violet is probably the brightest."
"Raspberry and something dark," Shiv said.
"Imperial Purple is the darkest one,"
Halley said, handing it over.
Shiv set the cups of dye
together, lighter and darker
orange, then the purples.
"Okay, those might balance
after all," Halley said. "They clash,
but they're all equally bright."
"Yeah, I know," Shiv said,
then smirked. "Now I need
a pale blue and a dark green."
"What?" Halley said. "Those
won't go at all. You'll get mud."
"Not if I put them in different places,"
Shiv said. "Oh, and a yellow, to
brighten the green and orange."
He wound up choosing Glacier Blue,
Forest Green, and Citrus Yellow.
"This is nuts," Halley said,
covering the shirt with ice,
but thon was smiling.
"Have you seen the way
your da dresses?" Shiv said.
He piled the orange shades in
the center of the shirt, then lay down
heaps of the purples around it,
dusted with the pale blue.
Toward the outside, where
the corners of the shirt would be,
he scattered a little dark green.
Finally Shiv put just a little yellow
in the center and at the outside.
"I can't wait to see how this one
turns out later," Halley said.
"It's really gonna pop."
"Well, we won't know until
tomorrow," Shiv said. "These
have to sit before we undo them
and see how they actually look."
"Yeah, I know," Halley said.
"It's still hard." Thon set up
more wads of cloth and then
heaped the ice on top of them.
"Why's that one so much smaller?"
Shiv asked, pointing at a tiny pile.
"Baby onesie," Halley said as thon
scattered dyes over the ice. "I'm
hoping to get a good galaxy print.
If it works, I'll put on the stars
tomorrow with white paint."
"Onesies, huh?" Shiv said.
"Yeah," Halley said, waving
a hand toward another table.
"Go see what Heron and Mallory
are doing with theirs. I think
Da went over there too."
Curious, Shiv checked out
the cluster of people there.
Heron had already finished
an adult-sized t-shirt in brown,
with rubber bands wrapped around it
that would leave white circles behind.
Currently he was painting rainbow lines
on a onesie that was already blue in
most parts, with one yellow blob.
"What design is that?" Shiv asked.
"It looks all mixed up, so far."
"It's a rainbow under a sun,"
Heron said. "I want my daughter
to have blue skies and smiles."
Nice for somebody to get those.
"I'm doing a heart," Mallory said,
although she was presently putting
a lot of black between dabs of
pink, orange, turquoise, and lime.
"I'm just making a basic spiral,"
Dr. G said. He was using
softer colors, too -- peach,
lavender, and light blue.
"Hey, Shiv," said Tolli as
he strolled over to them.
"Simon and I want to make
some friendship shirts.
Do you want in?"
"On what?" Shiv said.
"Which pattern are you using?"
"It depends on how many shirts
you're using," Tolli explained.
"With two, you make a twist --"
"Oh, like hair twists?" Shiv said.
"Sure, I know how to do those."
"With three, you make a braid,"
Tolli said. "Either way, you put dyes
on the rope of shirts, and when you
unwrap them, it makes a design
based on how they went together."
"Could I ... maybe do more than one?"
Shiv wondered, thinking of Luci.
"Of course," Tolli said. "We're
only about halfway through the shirts."
They started with a braid, first pulling
each shirt into a rope and fastening
them with several rubber bands.
Then they banded the shirts
together and braided them.
Next they put the colors on,
using red, blue, and yellow.
Those ran together in places
to become orange and green.
"See, when we unwrap these,
the white parts will show where
they were touching," Simon said.
It was sort of like a hug you could wear,
and nobody else would know about,
but Shiv didn't say that out loud.
A wail went up, and Shiv jerked upright.
Mrs. Dr. Finn was carrying Edison
through the yard to the house.
"Shit, what happened?" Shiv said.
"Did he hurt himself, or what?"
There was a fire going for
some of the cauldron dyes, and
that powder was nasty stuff ...
"He's just overwhelmed," Tolli said.
"When little kids get excited, they don't
know how to tone it down or when
to take a break, so sometimes
they melt down like that. He'll
be fine after a snack and a nap."
For once, Shiv wasn't the person
throwing a fit and wrecking the day.
He hoped Edison would be okay, though.
Next Shiv took a medium shirt for himself
and a small one for Luci. He twisted them
into ropes and then twined them together.
Then he squeezed on a little pale blue dye.
When that was done, he took the bundle
to Luci. "I'm making friendship shirts
for us," he said. "Pick out a color?"
"Shiv-ya, I have my own project,"
Luci protested. "I told you it takes time."
"I know, but can you spare like two minutes
to put some dye on this?" he said, showing
her the twisted rope made from two shirts.
To his surprise, she produced a bottle
of black dye and squirted it along the shirts.
Well, that ought to turn out interesting.
It looked kind of like streaky clouds.
"Thanks," he said. "So ... how's
your thing going? Is it working?"
"Oh yes," Luci said, pointing to
a cauldron. "Mine is in there. It needs
many trips through the dye to get darker."
"I thought you just soaked things?" he said.
"For some dyes, yes, but this is indigo.
You know how dark jeans fade over time
especially at the knees?" Luci said.
"Well, yeah," Shiv said. "That's
what tells you they're broken in now."
"It happens because the indigo goes on
the outside, and the middle of each thread
stays white," Luci said. "It wears through."
"Huh, I didn't know that," Shiv said.
"Come on, it's time to pull it out and
let it get some air again," Luci said.
"I'll show you how this works."
When she lifted it to a drying rack,
the cloth had a greenish tinge, but
as she worked it over, the color
changed to a rich blue.
It was also knotted into
the most bizarre shapes.
"Wow," Shiv said softly.
"It looks like some kind of
weird sea cucumber."
Luci laughed. "Wait until
I unwrap it tomorrow!"
She cleaned up, then went
back to knotting the white cloth.
"If you already put your t-shirt
into the dye, then what's that?"
he wondered, pointing at it.
"Silly," she said, "this is yours!"
Shiv's throat tightened around
his breath. He couldn't imagine
anyone spending so much time
to make something for him.
"Are you okay? Did I do
something wrong? Do you
not like it?" Luci fretted.
"Fine," Shiv squeaked.
"Sure it's gorgeous. Need
to bag up our twist."
He scuttled back to
the relative safety of
Tolli and Simon.
"What happened?"
Simon asked, worried.
Shiv shrugged, putting
the twisted shirts into
a plastic bag, then writing
Shiv & Luci on the tape.
"Ah," Simon said. "Too much
togetherness for you right now?"
"Yeah, maybe," Shiv said.
"It can get overwhelming
even if you like it, or think
you might," Simon said.
"It's so -- everything is
different here," Shiv said.
"Considering your past, I'd call
that a good thing," Simon said.
"Still feels weird, though, doesn't it?
Just give yourself a chance to get
used to it. Don't push too hard.
You can take a break if you need to."
"Maybe later," Shiv said. "I want
to finish another shirt or two. I liked
that peacock one for Junket, but
I don't know if I could do anything
quite that fancy in a new medium."
"I've seen you do pretty fancy things
with your graffiti," Tolli chimed in.
"Yeah, but I been doin' that for years,"
Shiv said. "I know how spray paint works."
"Why not combine the two?" Simon said.
"I'm sure I saw something about graffiti tie dye
when we were hunting peacock patterns."
He stripped off his gloves and took out
his smartphone. "Yep, here it is."
Shiv looked at the screen.
"Okay, yeah, that does look
like graffiti," he said. "It takes
a really long time to do, though."
"So?" Simon said. "You'll be here
tomorrow, unless you've had enough.
Do the tie-dye part tonight, let it dry,
then put on the graffiti with fabric pens
in the morning. Rinse and wash. Done."
Shiv looked over the instructions again,
finding where Simon had substituted pens
for the paint stuff that they didn't have.
Doing graffiti in pen was familiar,
even if he wrote on fabric instead of
scribbling cuss words on bathroom walls.
He started drawing a feather with
dye-resist stuff on his t-shirt.
Meanwhile, Simon and Tolli
set up their next t-shirts too.
Both had peace signs, but
Simon's was red, white, and blue
while Tolli's was camo colors and
and had a broad swirl behind it.
After Shiv finished putting the dye on
his t-shirt, he made a note on the bag
to write in the graffiti tomorrow.
He stretched, trying to loosen
stiff muscles. Then he got up
and walked around the yard.
Shiv found Molly leaning over
a wet t-shirt, dripping and spattering
drops of different dyes on the cloth.
The colors melted together in places,
leaving other parts white. There were
blobs of pink and peach, or green and blue,
with occasional dots of yellow or lavender.
"That's pretty," Shiv said, watching her work.
"Thanks," Molly said. "I like to see how
the colors blend into each other when
I work with wet fabric like this.
It's like family, you know?"
"Maybe your crazy family,"
Shiv said, shaking his head.
"How so?" Molly asked him.
"Most families are nothing like this,"
Shiv said. He waved at the yard.
"I mean, you're all out here playing
with wet t-shirts and rainbow dyes,
like kids, even the grownups!"
"The creative adult is
the child who survived after
the world tried killing them,
making them grown up,"
Molly said quietly.
"What?" Shiv said,
blinking at her. "What's
that supposed to mean?"
"The creative adult is the child
who survived the blandness of
schooling, the unhelpful words of
bad teachers, and the nay-saying
ways of the world," Molly said.
"Okay, that I get," Shiv said.
He'd had enough of all those ...
and yet, somehow, he still had
his art even if most of it was graffiti.
So yeah, that was how Shiv
thought of himself, down deep:
He was the child who survived.
"It means we've kept a child's ability
to create for the joy of it, and to delight in
surprises, while gaining an adult's awareness
of greater complexities," Molly concluded.
Shiv thought about that, and how everyone
had encouraged him to make stuff without
pressuring him into anything, not even staying.
He thought about their ever-ready praise
of his efforts, and each other's, and
their willingness to try new things.
He looked around the yard filled
with all the colors in the world,
and nobody screaming, except
for that time Edison got upset
and had to go in for a nap.
They didn't mind if, maybe
sometimes, Shiv acted like
a child instead of a grown man.
They didn't treat him like he
was broken, even though he was.
It wasn't at all the sort of thing
that Shiv had grown up with,
and wasn't that a wonder.
He watched Molly dripping dye
onto her soggy t-shirt and realized
that there were a lot of things
worse than becoming a part
of this weird, wonderful family.
"I got an idea," Shiv said,
and picked up a medium shirt.
He borrowed a bucket of black dye
that had just about run out of oomph.
He dunked the t-shirt just long enough
to turn the whole thing a pale gray.
He needed soft edges and
similar shades for this to work.
There wasn't a bottle of
dye-resist stuff on Molly's table,
but there was tape, and that
would work for his needs.
"That's awfully narrow,"
Molly said. "Won't it be
hard to read anything?"
"Yeah, that's the point,"
Shiv said. Just because
he might include himself in
didn't mean everyone else
needed to know about it.
Carefully he spelled out
Finn Family 5-9-15
on the back of it.
He dribbled black dye
on the front of the shirt,
some in small flecks,
some in big blobs.
He watched how they
spread and interacted,
using the front as a test.
Then he flipped it over
to where he'd put the tape
and scattered just enough dye
that he could see the edges
of the writing in places.
He didn't want it to be clear.
It was only meant for himself.
Yet the rest of them were there,
in the shirt and the dye and
the techniques that Shiv had
learned from them today.
Maybe that would help him survive.
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so the notes appear in another post.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-05-29 08:28 pm (UTC)the child who survived after
the world tried killing them,
making them grown up,"
YEAH. <3
Now I wanna tye dye. I got *no room* for it, but still.
Ysabet's community 29-5-2019 CE
Thank you!
Date: 2019-05-29 09:55 pm (UTC)>> Now I wanna tye dye. I got *no room* for it, but still. <<
Yeah, I know that feel.
>> Ysabet's community 29-5-2019 CE <<
D'aww! *SQUISH*
Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-29 10:23 pm (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-29 10:25 pm (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-29 10:29 pm (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-29 10:31 pm (UTC)"An experimental weapon, with experimental ammunition."
"You could say that."
"Let's... experiment."
-- Quigley Down Under
Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-29 10:35 pm (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-29 11:11 pm (UTC)In my experience, purple (grape), blue (blueberry), or red (cherry, black cherry) stain the worst. Things that stain make good dyes on purpose. You can add other colors for variegation, but I wouldn't bet on getting a strong yellow or orange from these. Maybe green if you used a lot of it.
But hey, white t-shirts or floursack dish towels and kool-aid are cheap -- go ahead and experiment!
Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-06-06 04:27 am (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-06-06 05:40 am (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-29 10:44 pm (UTC)... Shiv would totally buy a shirt of that if he saw one.
Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-29 11:13 pm (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-30 01:06 am (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-29 10:45 pm (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-30 03:03 am (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-30 03:08 am (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-31 02:14 am (UTC)Re: Got me in the feels.
Date: 2019-05-31 02:25 am (UTC)* Lay the cloth flat on a durable surface such as a picnic table. Place the rusty junk on top. Pour water over everything. Leave it that way until you get a good imprint. You can lift a single item to see how it's developing. This tends to give the most distinct images.
* Lay out the cloth. Bunch it around a small bit of junk, like a bolt. Fasten with a rubber band. Continue in this fashion until most of the cloth is used up. Pour water over everything. Wait. It is somewhat harder to tell when you have a good imprint, but the bunching gives more interesting surprises.
* Crumple and bind the fabric. Drop some rusty junk in a bucket. Add fabric wad. Cover with more junk. Fill bucket. Wait. In this version you can't see what you have at all until you unfurl it, but it gives the most similar to a regular dye job.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-05-29 08:56 pm (UTC)Fixed!
Date: 2019-05-29 10:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-05-29 10:23 pm (UTC)Thank you!
Date: 2019-05-30 01:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-05-29 11:16 pm (UTC)And then I came to the line
He was the child who survived.
and was so delighted that I spontaneously read it out loud, and I do mean loud!
(ETA) And it took me a few minutes more to recognize the allusion to "The Boy Who Lived".
Thoughts
Date: 2019-05-30 12:38 am (UTC)Yay! He really is doing better. It's not always perfectly smooth, but Shiv has a lot more good times now than he used to.
>> And then I came to the line
He was the child who survived.
and was so delighted that I spontaneously read it out loud, and I do mean loud!<<
*glee*
>> (ETA) And it took me a few minutes more to recognize the allusion to "The Boy Who Lived". <<
It's actually the Girl Who Lived, in Terramagne -- Henrietta Carpenter. Lawrence writes fanfic of that series, very good fanfic in fact.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2019-05-30 03:05 am (UTC)and i bet they defeated the analogue Voldamort by making him [or her] a friend.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2019-05-30 04:06 am (UTC)In case you're curious ...
The Henrietta Carpenter series of young adult novels is written by Kay J. Rollins. Henrietta attends the Paracelsus Academy of Alchemists. The houses are Earth, Air, Fire, and Water; Henrietta is Water. Her nemesis Adelinda belongs to the Fire house. Henrietta has an older brother; they love each other, but are constantly trying to outdo each other. The books are:
1. Henrietta Carpenter and the Emerald Tablet
2. Henrietta Carpenter and the Seal of Roses
3. Henrietta Carpenter and the Abhorrent Oubliette
4. Henrietta Carpenter and the Cup That Bleeds
5. Henrietta Carpenter and the Fire of Spices
6. Henrietta Carpenter and the Snake in the Grass
7. Henrietta Carpenter and the Great Cauldron
I have a poem in mind about that touches on this because Lawrence writes fanfic of it, quite good fanfic actually.
>> and i bet they defeated the analogue Voldamort by making him [or her] a friend.<<
I don't actually know the ending in that world, but it could be.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2019-05-30 12:06 pm (UTC)and who knows, the plot twist could be that T-Dumbledore was the actual bad guy... [because if you look at the L-space version, you kind of wonder how the hell did that guy end up as a head-master?!]
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2019-05-30 09:18 pm (UTC)That's true.
>> so we could assume that K.J.Rollins wrote from the perspective of citizen of Terramagne, and would include plot-twists more likely to be found in that world. In which case.. the 'bad-guy' having a redemption arc to their story seems to be more likely.<<
Well reasoned.
>> and who knows, the plot twist could be that T-Dumbledore was the actual bad guy... [because if you look at the L-space version, you kind of wonder how the hell did that guy end up as a head-master?!] <<
He gained the seat through magical power and manipulating other people. Which considering the amount of damage done by that abusive bastard, is nutjob territory in Terramagne.
Now put those two aspects together. The novels lay out a clear pattern of abuse that goes back to the previous generation, and hints of farther back. So a logical trajectory in Terramagne would be uncovering that so it could actually be dealt with.
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2019-05-31 04:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-06-02 12:19 pm (UTC)Shiv as Hugo Lightfingers
Date: 2019-06-03 12:36 am (UTC)https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/10792679.html
(no subject)
Date: 2019-06-04 12:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-29 09:09 pm (UTC)I don't know. And so I keep coming back to it, like poking at a loose tooth.
It doesn't fit me like a glove, the way Asexual does. There isn't that 'Oh my god there's a WORD for it?!' moment of realization, the way there was when I discovered AVEN at fourteen.
But... it's there. Like the old jacket at the back of my closet, ready for me to unfold it and just hold it for a while when I need to remember that part of me, acknowledge the spots where I've broken and pieced myself back together.
(That's why I like kintsukori, incidentally, and why so many interpretations of it frustrate me- it's not beautiful for having been broken. It's beautiful for the love and effort taken to repair it.)
...Now I'm tempted to do a kintsukori version of that flag, actually. Break some blue and pink dishes, seal them back together- maybe with silver instead of gold, I've got some in my kit.
I don't remember where I was going with this. I just have a lot of feelings right now.
Thoughts
Date: 2020-04-29 10:07 pm (UTC)It's something I found in Terramagne, but the concept is older. One of the characters in my high school gaming group was traumatasexual. He'd been violated so early and often that there was no telling what his original orientation might have been.
>> Something that I keep coming back to, questioning, is how much of my sexual ID was shaped by the repeated traumas I went through, and how much of it would have always been the way it is. Would I be asexual if I hadn't been abused the way I was? Is that a question who's answer matters to me? <<
Maybe, maybe not. Some aces are innate. Some people move into and out of asexuality; in fact most folks start out asexual as children, grow into some form of sexuality, and quite often grow out of it in their senior years (although their romantic orientation, if any, is more likely to stay on). Other folks do find that deep trauma can break off or shut down their sexuality, temporarily or permanently. And sometimes, the trauma is just a valley of rubble you walk through on the way to discovering your true self in the meadow of asexuality. Those are all equally legit forms of asexuality.
>> I don't know. And so I keep coming back to it, like poking at a loose tooth. <<
Then you probably haven't made all the discoveries yet. Keep turning over rocks, who knows what you'll find. The self is infinitely fascinating and rewarding to explore, even if you sometimes drop a rock on your foot and hop around swearing for a while.
>> It doesn't fit me like a glove, the way Asexual does. There isn't that 'Oh my god there's a WORD for it?!' moment of realization, the way there was when I discovered AVEN at fourteen.<<
Okay.
>> But... it's there. Like the old jacket at the back of my closet, ready for me to unfold it and just hold it for a while when I need to remember that part of me, acknowledge the spots where I've broken and pieced myself back together. <<
That makes sense.
>> (That's why I like kintsukori, incidentally, and why so many interpretations of it frustrate me- it's not beautiful for having been broken. It's beautiful for the love and effort taken to repair it.) <<
Those two interpretations are equally true. Art and beauty can mean different things to different people. Some folks find entropy beautiful unto itself. Others find joy and meaning in making repairs. Me, I like both. And I was the only person in my Japanese Culture class who got it, including the TA. It was nice to have names for things.
>> ...Now I'm tempted to do a kintsukori version of that flag, actually. Break some blue and pink dishes, seal them back together- maybe with silver instead of gold, I've got some in my kit.<<
That's a great idea. :D
>> I don't remember where I was going with this. I just have a lot of feelings right now.<<
Totally fine. I love when people find my work so meaningful, when it helps with self-reflection.
Shiv isn't ready for that yet. So, so not ready for it. But traumatasexual he is. He has urges sometimes, but he doesn't want them, because sex with someone else feels bad and wrong to him even if he's choosing it. That's not something he enjoys, it's just a last resort for times when his dick won't leave him alone.