Coping Skills: Humor

[ysabetwordsmith]

Folks have mentioned an interest in questions and conversations that make them think. So I've decided to offer more of those. This is the current list of coping skills.

5. Use humor.

The Humor Effect

How to Be Funny

10 Ways To Use Humor As A Coping Skill

Managing Conflicts with Humor

Comments

[arthur_p_dent]

I’m often concerned that I’ve used the “wrong” kind of humour in a situation. Any links at your fingertips that address situations like that?

Try this ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Some general tips:

* The best humor amuses everyone and harms no one. Seek jokes that are funny without making fun of anyone. Linguistic humor and silly anecdotes about unexpected whimsies are good examples. The meeping otters video is hilarious without saying a word.

* You can make fun of yourself or any group to which you belong. Outside that it gets riskier.

* Pay attention to individuals and groups to learn your audience. It is easier to amuse those whose tastes you know than strangers.

* Study the most popular comedians. They are popular for a reason.

* If someone makes a joke of Type X, they are probably amused by that category.

* If you saw it in contemporary media aimed at children, it is probably safe.

* Only punch up, never down. Mocking those more powerful than yourself may be risky, but mocking those less powerful is just plain cruel.

* Some types of humor, such as puns, are generally safer than other types of humor, such as satire.

* Avoid hot-button topics.

* If a joke annoys people, apologize and move on. Don't repeat that type of joke with that audience. This distinguishes you from assholes who are trying to be mean instead of funny. All commedians, even professionals, bomb occasionally. What distinguishes them from assholes is how they handle that.


Some references:

https://lifehacker.com/five-common-mistakes-people-make-when-telling-jokes-1688286046

https://www.fastcompany.com/3028499/this-is-why-youre-not-funny-a-professors-scientific-approach-to-dissecting-humor

https://nautil.us/blog/when-does-dark-humor-stop-being-funny

https://www.wikihow.com/Not-Make-Jokes-That-Are-Highly-Offensive-to-Others


If you have a pervasive sense of not knowing what is the right or wrong humor in a situation, then you might:

* Study nonverbal communication. This helps you read people's feelings.

http://changingminds.org/techniques/techniques.htm
http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/body_language.htm

* Explore cultural diversity and awareness.

Cultural Awareness
https://www.commisceo-global.com/resources

Disability and Inclusivity
https://www.peatworks.org/digital-accessibility-toolkits/staff-training-resources/disability-inclusion-basics/

Racial Equity
https://www.madisonpubliclibrary.org/resources/guides/racial-equity-resources

Sex/Gender Studies
https://csulb.libguides.com/wgss/web

* Read etiquette books. Most libraries and bookstores have a shelf or so. But shop mindfully. I found one pair where the men's book was all extremely useful tips ("Don't say X, Y, or Z. Say A instead.") and the women's book was shit like how to fold napkins. 0_o

* There are now more resources for neurovariant people, which explain a lot of unwritten rules and social demands. Unfortunately most of them are obnoxious to the point of abusive. But you might consider browsing them at a bookstore or library if you don't mind shucking a bucket of oysters to get one pearl.

Re: Try this ...

[arthur_p_dent]

>> * You can make fun of yourself or any group to which you belong. <<

As an awkward conversationalist, I have a tendency to try to use this to fill dead spaces. My biggest concern is that I come across as being self-deprecating instead of witty.

Lots of links here to peruse tomorrow. Thanks for sharing them.

Re: Try this ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> As an awkward conversationalist, I have a tendency to try to use this to fill dead spaces. My biggest concern is that I come across as being self-deprecating instead of witty. <<

Too much can be overwhelming. Try to keep it to just one at a time, then switch to a different tactic.

* Become comfortable with silences.

https://socialpronow.com/blog/dont-be-afraid-of-the-silence/

https://beccawierwille.com/5-ways-to-grow-more-comfortable-with-silence/


* Consider ways to deal with gaps in conversation.

https://socialpronow.com/avoid-awkward-silence/

https://www.succeedsocially.com/awkwardsilences

https://www.wikihow.com/Cope-With-Awkward-Silence


* Memorize a diversity of things to say.

https://www.wikihow.com/Fill-Awkward-Silences

https://ponly.com/conversation-starters/

https://blog.hubspot.com/sales/small-talk-guide

https://liveboldandbloom.com/09/self-improvement/small-talk-topics


>> Lots of links here to peruse tomorrow. Thanks for sharing them. <<

*bow, flourish* Happy to be of service. Any problem that can be solved with information is usually something I can fix.

Re: Try this ...

[(Anonymous)]

>>...and the women's book was shit like how to fold napkins. 0_o <<

Because we are assumed to know the basics instinctively, or something.

>>if you don't mind shucking a bucket of oysters to get one pearl.<<

Not sure if it counts as a pearl, but _Improve Yor Social Skills_ by Wendler might be good - it was written by someone on the spectrum, for people on the spectrum. I don't remember if it discusses humor tho...

[erulisse]

One of the things we recommend at work to our clients is to go find some fun (or terrible) jokes and then tell them to someone over the phone or on a video call.

One of my personal favorites is the dad joke contest videos on youtube.

[(Anonymous)]

I've used humor to inoffesively decline things [I have allergies] or correct behavior/assumptions (like a mixup with metric and imperial measurements).

[pronker]

Having a sense of humor is something I used to place at a premium in myself and others and now I don't. I'm not sure what happened exactly, but quieter, more serious people are who I like now. :/ I like your post and the links, though.