Poem: "The Things We Never Saw Coming"

[ysabetwordsmith]

This poem is spillover from the December 1, 2020 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by discussions with dialecticdreamer. It also fills the "Hot Cocoa" square in my 12-1-20 card for the Winter Fest Bingo. This poem has been sponsored by Anthony & Shirley Barrette. It belongs to the Mercedes and Finn Family threads of the Polychrome Heroics series.


"The Things We Never Saw Coming"

[Wednesday, March 2, 2016]

Molly was in Soup to Nuts
doing the paperwork from
the zoomwagon's last run
when Danys came in feeling
very much the worse for wear.

Saving her work, Molly stood up
and came around the desk
to greet him. "What's up?"

"In private, please," said Danys.
"Wait, first -- is Bethan here?"

"No, she and Dave went
to get lunch," Molly said.
"I can let Bethan know that
you need her, and just hold
the fort until they get back."

"Okay," Danys said, nodding.

"Da, I need the office," Molly said,
then led Danys toward the door.

Inside, she flipped the privacy switch
and a soft, subliminal hum blanketed
the room. Molly sat down, waving
for Danys to take a seat also.

She sent a quick text to Bethan,
letting her know that Danys
needed to talk at Soup to Nuts.

Then Molly leaned forward.
"I'm listening," she assured him.

Danys slumped, rubbing his hands
over his face. "I don't know what
to do. Everything is such a jumble."

His energy was the same way, shedding
sharp-edged flakes everywhere, like
the cheap confetti that could cut you
if you stepped on it the morning after.

Somehow, "emotionally complex response"
just didn't seem like enough to describe it.

"Okay, then just start wherever you
can find a loose end," Molly suggested.

"Dayana is pregnant," said Danys.
"She's in her first year of college,
she just turned 19 in January,
so my aunt and uncle are
completely freaking out."

"That's not good," Molly said.
"Dayana ... she's your cousin who
was born right after your family
moved from Haiti to America, right?"

"Yeah, that's her," said Danys.
"Dayana doesn't have the baggage
that us older kids have, but she
doesn't have our grit, either."

"Trauma has its ups and downs,"
Molly agreed. "It wrecks your life, but
in some ways it makes you stronger."

"This is the first big difficulty that
Dayana has faced," said Danys. "She
doesn't want to drop out of college
for fear she'd never get back to it."

"Credible threat," Molly said.
"Unplanned pregnancy can be
very disruptive to life plans."

"Yeah, and Dayana's working on
two programs -- vocational nurse
and medical secretary," said Danys.
"That way she'll have two routes into
the industry, and whichever catches on,
she can ratchet up to more credentials."

"It's a good plan," Molly agreed. "Has
Dayana decided what she wants to do?"

"Well, her parents are pushing hard
for abortion, but Dayana is completely
against that," said Danys. "She doesn't
really want to raise a baby right now, but
she's not keen on giving it away, either."

"That's an uncomfortable situation,"
Molly said. "What about the father?"

Danys shook his head. "She's not sure
who it is, there are several possibilities.
Dayana isn't up for a serious relationship
yet. She's been hooking up with guys who
won't be in town longer than a few days or
weeks and just want some good clean fun.
One protection failure later, now she's
pregnant with no way to reconnect."

"Ouch," Molly said. "It's hard to be
expecting with so little support."

"That's why Dayana turned to me,"
said Danys. "I always protected her
growing up, so when people started
pushing, she asked me for help."

"Good for you," Molly said firmly.
"Nobody should be trying to make
decisions that Dayana needs
to figure out for herself."

"Yeah, she just needs room
to do that," Danys said. "She's
sleeping on my couch for now,
but I've only got a week or so
before the landlord starts fussing."

Molly frowned. "They can't evict
you, or your guest, for helping
during a family emergency."

"Legally, no, but they sure can
pester about it," Danys grumbled.

"There's always NHCO," Molly said.
"They'll stick up for someone who
is technically a teen parent."

"Yeah, I know, but I still have
a one-bedroom apartment with
a three-quarter bathroom and
not even a hide-a-bed for guests,"
Danys said. "That's no place
to put a pregnant woman, Molly."

"Okay, I can fix one thing right now,"
Molly said. "I can offer her a place.
Our house rule is that any housemate
can give emergency crash space for
up to two weeks, further details
to be negotiated as needed."

Danys heaved a sigh. "Thanks.
That's a big help. Even if Dayana
decides on something else, just
having options is an improvement."

"Choices make everything easier,
even if nothing is actually easy,"
said Molly. "The best thing you
can do for Dayana is to support
her agency -- her power to choose."

"Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do,"
Danys said. "It's just complicated."

"So's life," Molly said, and then
her phone thrummed. She checked it.
"Da wants to know whether we'd
like some hot chocolate."

"Oh god yes," said Danys.

Molly keyed in a response,
flipped off the privacy switch,
and then opened the door.

"Emergency hot chocolate,"
Da said, offering a platter.
"Bethan and Dave are due
back in about ten minutes."

"Thanks so much," Molly said.
She took the platter, closed
the door, and flipped the switch.
"Okay, let's see what we have."

The platter held a steaming pot
of hot chocolate and two mugs.

Along with the usual marshmallows,
the tray also included shakers of
cinnamon and cayenne, plus
a plate of graham crackers.

Danys leaned forward,
nose twitching like a rabbit's.
"Is that Chokola Ayisyen?
Haitian Hot Chocolate?"

"Smells like it," Molly said.
"Saraphina's cousin Josué
has been generous with
their family recipes."

Pouring himself a cup,
Danys inhaled deeply.
"This is good," he said
after the first sip. "I bet
that Shiv loves this stuff."

"He does, even more than
the Mexican kind," said Molly.
"Shiv likes most dark flavors.
He says the anise brings out
the bitter notes in the chocolate."

"Yeah, most American chocolate
is still too shallow for my taste,"
Danys said. "This is a relief."

"Familiar flavors are soothing,"
Molly agreed, savoring her share.

At least Danys was starting
to relax enough that his energy
was no longer shedding sharp bits.

He took a deep breath and let it out
slowly. "I want to talk things over with
Dayana, so she knows she has options,"
he said. "I'm thinking about offering
to raise the baby -- she might be
more open to family adoption than
giving it away to total strangers."

"That's possible," said Molly.
"In-family adoptions often appeal
to people who want some contact,
but not full responsibility for a baby."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," said Danys.
"I know that Dayana doesn't really want
to be a mother right now, but I think
she could make a fantastic auntie."

"It's worth discussing," Molly said.
"So where would that leave you
and Bethan, or the rest of us?"

"If Dayana likes the idea, then
it's up to Bethan next," said Danys.
"We've only talked a little about
kids, though, because we didn't
expect to have any soon."

"That makes sense,"
Molly said, then noticed
that Danys was shaking
a little and fretting again.
"Would you like for me
to take the edge off?"
She held out a hand.

"Yes, please," he said,
clutching her hand
like a life preserver.

Molly drifted her Empathy
over him like a blanket,
smoothing the rough edges
and tucking in his energy.

"Thanks for helping out when I'm
such a basket case," said Danys. "I
know you're not really into kids."

"I said that I did not plan on
getting pregnant any time in
the near future," Molly corrected.
"That doesn't mean I'm uninterested
in children, just not ready to carry
my own yet. Bethan could decide to,
or Dave could bring home a girlfriend
at any time with unknown parameters."

"You'd really consider it?" Danys said.
"I had hardly dared to hope that you
wouldn't all toss me out on my ear.
I haven't exactly been ... reliable."

"You haven't been ready to make
a solid commitment, and that's fine,"
Molly said. "People should take
their time with big decisions."

"I think I've just run out of time,"
Danys said, rubbing his arms.

His energy fizzed and prickled with
nervous energy, like goosebumps.

Molly smoothed it down again.

"How far along is the pregnancy?"
she asked, leaning forward.

"Several months, maybe due
in July or August," said Danys.
"They're having a hard time
pinning it down, because she's
never been all that regular and
she's been ... enthusiastic."

"There's nothing wrong with
recreational sex as long as
everyone is on the same page
and takes reasonable precautions,"
Molly said. "No judgment here."

"That alone should help, after
the way other people are reacting,"
Danys said. "It's a good change,
and I trust you talk her through
the messy bits if Dayana is
willing to lean on you."

"I'm also going to suggest
that she talk with Mum and Da,"
said Molly. "They weathered
some major surprises, like
how sick Mum got sometimes
and then having the twins."

"Yes, please," said Danys.
"More perspectives would
be very helpful right now."

Because Dayana's home life
wasn't setting a good example.

Something buzzed faintly,
making Danys jump, and then
Molly's phone hummed too.

"They're back," Danys said.
"Keep me from panicking?"

"I'll do my best," Molly said
as she turned off the switch
and opened the door for them.

Dave had three bags from
the Real Happy Meal, while
Bethan brought Fried Whatever.

"I think this is mostly seafood
and asparagus," she said.

"I have black bean hummus with
multigrain crackers, red peppers,
and celery." Dave held up one bag.
"This one is steamed halibut and
spicy roasted broccoli. Finally,
Greek yogurt with your choice
of blueberries or sliced apricots."

"Halibut and broccoli, please,"
Danys said, holding out a hand,
and Dave passed him the food.

Molly grabbed some fried seafood,
then said, "Give me either yogurt."

Dave handed her the apricot
and then put out the hummus
where everyone could reach it.

"Mmm, I smell hot chocolate,"
Bethan said. "Is any left?"

Molly hefted the pot.
"Yeah, there's plenty.
Shall I pour for you?"

"Yes, please," Bethan said.
"I need to inhale some halibut."

Molly fetched extra mugs and
distributed the hot chocolate.

Bethan scooted closer to
Danys and said, "So, what's
going on? I got the impression
that it was private but not exclusive."

Danys swallowed hard, fortified
himself with more hot chocolate,
then launched into a summary
of what happened with Dayana.

"That's heavy," Dave said,
patting Danys on the shoulder.
"We're here for you, and for
Dayana if she wants us."

"She's desperate for friends
right now," Danys said. "So
my first priority is helping her
built a support network."

"I have already offered
crash space," Molly said.

In theory, the house that
they were currently renting
had enough bedrooms for
everyone to have their own,
with one left over for guests.

In practice, they rarely
slept alone anyway.

"There's plenty of room,"
Dave agreed. "Dayana can
take the spare room, or even
the bonus room upstairs."

Bethan nodded. "With
a baby in the house, we
could use the bunkroom as
a nursery, or we could adapt
that ridiculous closet in
the master bedroom."

"True, but let's back up
a little," Molly said. "So far,
Dayana hasn't made a choice,
and neither has Danys."

Everyone looked at him.

"I know I've been tentative
about this," Danys said. "I like
you all, a lot, but this people-pile
is not something I expected
to encounter, so it has taken
a while to sort out my feelings."

"Fair enough," said Bethan.
"Is anything clearer now?"

Danys nodded. "Talking with
Dayana clarified some things,"
he said. "I want a family that I
can rely on. You fit that. I want
children, if not now, then later.
So do you. I think I can handle
the emotional gymnastics.
What about you three?"

"We weren't the ones
hanging back, Danys,"
Bethan said gently. "If
you want us, have us."

His energy wriggled
like a pile of puppies,
and then settled. "Yeah,
okay," Danys said. "Let's
give this a try, then."

Bethan hugged him.
"Gladly," she said.

"Back to Dayana,"
said Molly. "I think
we should split up
compiling resources
for each of the options
that we can offer her."

"Abortion is off the table,"
Danys said. "That leaves
in-family adoption, outside,
or raising the baby herself.
I'll cover the in-family one."

"I can help with that, since
my uncle took over from
my parents," Bethan said.

"I've already got some stuff
on outside adoption," Dave said.
"I wanted to find a girlfriend, but
nobody has wanted my baggage,
so I started exploring other options."

"That leaves me on keeping the baby,"
Molly said. "Mallory just did that,
so I can ask her how she decided."

"You think she'll answer that?"
Dave said. "She's a bit skittish."

"Last year, no, Mallory would've
told me to fuck off," said Molly.
"Now that she's had Heron for
two years, she's mellowing."

"Okay, we've covered Dayana
for whatever she wants to discuss
or decide," Bethan said. "Are there
other things we need to explore
ourselves, whether Dayana
keeps the baby or not?"

"What about childcare?"
Danys said. "All four of us
are first responders. That does
not make a steady schedule or
a generous household budget."

"That's actually not a problem,"
Molly said. "Mum and Da are
already homeschooling Edison,
plus Dairinne when she's around.
Aidan and Drew are doing much
the same with Saraphina. Adding
a new baby to either branch is easy."

"Don't forget Tolli and Simon,"
Dave said. "They've spent time
with every new Finnling, and they
would be all over Dairinne too,
if they weren't trying so hard
to avoid scaring off Mallory."

"A large family means
built-in childcare, not
just babysitting but folks
who want to spend time
with the baby," said Molly.

Bethan looked at Danys.
"You have a big family too.
They aren't interested?"

Danys stared at his feet.
"Dayana wouldn't trust
them after they pestered
her to 'make it go away.'
I'm not sure I would either."

"Ouch. No, not after that,"
Bethan said. "How awful."

"Yeah," said Danys. "They
mean well, they want to protect
Dayana's future in the land of
opportunity, but they're doing
a lot more harm than good."

"Here's another sticky issue,"
Dave said. "What about the house?
We're renting now. We've talked
about buying -- but we've also
talked about bailing out of town,
several times, due to mayhem."

"There's rent to own," Bethan said.
"We checked that option when
we picked the current house."

"I dunno," Danys said. "If we
rent, it's not as secure, but if
we buy, it's not as flexible."

"That depends on how much
you're willing to do in order
to cut and run," Molly said.
"Mum and Da talked about it,
first when Drew got beaten up,
then other stuff, and just recently
with what happened to Edison."

"Oh yeah, I could see them
disappearing to the Maldives
or Italy," Bethan said, nodding.

"So could we," Dave said. "We've
got our own connections now."

"Connections!" Molly said,
brightening. "That gives
me an idea. If we could get
a halal mortgage for the house,
it would be much easier to switch
between 'rent' and 'own' modes,
or cash out if we need to leave."

"There's only one problem
with that idea: none of us are
Muslims," Danys pointed out.

"We don't have to be." Molly
pulled out her wallet to show them
a zakat receipt from the Maldives.
"That marks me as Muallaf-al-Qulub,
one whose heart is inclined to Islam.
It lets me enjoy their perks as an ally."

"That's very convenient," Danys said.

"It also works as traveler's insurance,"
Bethan said. "We all chipped in."

"I'll investigate halal mortgages,"
Molly said. "Given local upheavals,
I bet someone is offering them here.
If not, I can always try the Maldives --
they do more global banking now."

They had uncounterfeitable cash,
so everybody wanted to do business
with them, and they were expanding
their overseas interests accordingly.

"That sounds like a plan," Dave said.

"May I make a request here, not
about the baby or the house,
but about us?" Bethan said.

"Of course," Danys said.
"We want to cover everything."

"I propose that we do a round of
relationship counseling," Bethan said.
"Pick one of the flex programs, and we
can each choose one or more modules
to explore together. That'd give us
a clearer idea of parenting styles,
future goals, and what we hope
to give and get in a family."

"I'm in," Molly and Dave said
at the same time, then laughed.

"I haven't done much more than
the fire department counseling for
resilience and cleaning up after
bad calls," Danys said. "If you
all find it that valuable, I'm willing."

"We'll make sure our counselor
puts the bottom rungs on the ladder
for you," Molly assured him.

"Pick one with fun homework,"
Bethan said, snickering.

"Oooh, seconded!" Dave said.

Danys looked a bit lost, so
Molly explained, "Modules
designed for courtship or
new marriages tend to have
romantic or erotic homework
along with introspective stuff."

"I am on board with that,"
Danys said promptly.

"Molly's got her hands full,
so I'll look into this," Dave said.
"The place I go has all kinds of
individual and group resources."

"That reminds me, how are we
on parenting skills?" Molly said.
"I took a good class in high school,
plus I've looked after my siblings."

"I'm good," Danys said. "I've got
a close family, when they're not
driving each other up a wall."

"I could probably use a refresher,"
Dave said, and Bethan nodded.

"I'll look up parenting classes,"
Bethan said. "I can offer those
to Dayana. Taking a class might
help her to make up her mind."

"Oh, that's a good idea,"
Molly said. "Thank you."

"Now if only I could make up
my mind," Danys said. "Just
when I think I've got it settled,
it flies out of my grasp again."

"So stop trying to make it settle,"
Molly said. "Forcing it won't help."

"Then what do you suggest?"
Danys said, one foot jittering in air.

"Embrace the unexpected," said Molly.
"The things we never saw coming
often take us to the places we
never imagined we could go."

"That's the challenge of the day,
isn't it?" Danys said. "Okay. I'll try it."

* * *

Notes:

This poem is long, so its character, setting, and content notes appear separately.

Comments

[readera]

💖💖💖

LOVELY!

[dialecticdreamer]

I'm so glad that this finally forced Danys to make a decision. Then again, I love that the female characters were smooth with a polycule and he was the one who needed to adjust.

And there's Dave, LOL. There's something going on behind the scenes, because by now it's pretty clear that he keeps all romantic or potentially sexual relationships VERY casual. Let me noodle on that.

Re: LOVELY!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I'm so glad that this finally forced Danys to make a decision.<<

Yay! :D

>> Then again, I love that the female characters were smooth with a polycule and he was the one who needed to adjust. <<

Well, the women already knew that they were poly or at least poly-compatible. I don't think Danys had thought about it until he met them, so then he had to explore whether that might work for him or not. And if you don't know how it does work -- including whole new emotions like compersion -- then you have quite a lot of stuff to investigate before you can make an informed decision. Do you like doing things in family groups, or do you prefer quiet romantic moments as a couple? Do you have diverse needs that spread out well across different people, or is it a pretty tight cluster? And you need to know yourself pretty well too.

For me, compersion includes things like finding people who'd enjoy going on a roller coaster or to an Ethiopian restaurant with my partner. Judging from the reactions I sometimes get, it's really a feeling that most people not only don't have but can't comprehend.

>> And there's Dave, LOL. There's something going on behind the scenes, because by now it's pretty clear that he keeps all romantic or potentially sexual relationships VERY casual. Let me noodle on that. <<

He's part of the polycule, though, and that's a commitment. I think the issue is that he already has certain parts of his life secure, like being with Molly and Bethan both as a family and as part of a zoomcrew, and he is not open to giving up those things for a new sexual/romantic relationship. Trouble is, most people want to be the center of someone's life, and they really do not like being told that there's already big stuff in place which they would have to fit with. So most of Dave's opportunities have been for casual fun; he hasn't found anyone compatible -- or probably even interested -- in the long haul.

Conversely, Danys has been intrigued by the idea of a long-term relationship, starting with Bethan. He just wasn't sure if he could handle the rest of their life setup.

These are things that will likely come up in counseling. Danys will have the chance to learn skills that will help in a polyfamily. Dave will get to examine his situation and how someone else might fit into it. They'll all have opportunities to talk about the present and what they want from the future, and to see if there are gaps they need to fill in skills or activities. And in T-America it'll be easier for them to find a counselor who will do that and not fuss about their life choices.

Re: LOVELY!

[dialecticdreamer]

Counseling will do a tremendous amount of good, laying groundwork for all kinds of details that no one has thought of yet, but which could theoretically cause major fights. They're going into this with plans to make it long term, and it shows.

Re: LOVELY!

[(Anonymous)]

Hmmm...I wonder if different people have different tendencies in relationships to try and shore up a good foundation at the beginning, or muddle through and patch up issues as they arise?

Of course, that is complicated by your ability to recognize when the relationship starts or suddenly changes...

Re: LOVELY!

[dialecticdreamer]

I'm sure that they do.

Also, past trauma can really cause layers of additional problems. Neglect can make people think that the bare minimum in a relationship is "good" because it's better than they've had before, but that foundation does NOT a healthy relationship make. And so on.

Re: LOVELY!

[ysabetwordsmith]

Yeah, Gray found that out the hard way with Shiv. They're sometimes-gangmates, kink partners, not quite boyfriends ... not sexual, but romantic is harder to answer. I don't think that relationship really categorizes, it's unique.

Re: LOVELY!

[dialecticdreamer]

I wish that there were more of those kinds of stories. I don't much care for the standard "romantic" or "pr0n" plots, but something with complexity and nuance to it will make even the unappealing bits interesting enough to read, often several times through.

Re: LOVELY!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I wish that there were more of those kinds of stories. <<

By all means prompt for more. I really enjoy relationships that are based on something other than sex/romance as the main focus. So there's the foursquare of Roger/Hefty-Fiddlesticks/Diamond with all its different connections, Ansel and Turq, Joshua and Pips, Calliope and Vagary, Fortressa and Socket, etc.

>> I don't much care for the standard "romantic" or "pr0n" plots, but something with complexity and nuance to it will make even the unappealing bits interesting enough to read, often several times through.<<

I like tits and ass as much as the next guy, but usually I want more than that.

Re: LOVELY!

[(Anonymous)]

You can occasionally find some good scifi stories/fanworks where the characters ignore the usual way of doing things or do things the alien-standard way, which is quite odd from a modern Western human cultural perspective.

...I recall one where the prospective one-night stand of the alien chick wanted to clarify if the human Platonic Life Partner ate eggs before committing to anything. (The aliens were basically birds.) To clarify, in this 'verse humans are terrifying, and it was assumed that the lady's social unit (which was her and the human) would co-raise any resulting kids.

Re: LOVELY!

[dialecticdreamer]

Laugh! I love the way that focuses their differences.

Re: LOVELY!

[(Anonymous)]

Ha! Found it! (Linked directly to relevent chapter, but some of the other chapters are good.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15975458/chapters/37265480#workskin

Re: LOVELY!

[ysabetwordsmith]

Very different tendencies. My partner and I have had a lot of fights over the years, but we tend to beat them to death eventually and move on. We don't argue about the same things now that we did 10 or 20 years ago. I have no idea how people tolerate re-having the same fight without making any progress. Maybe that's why they give up and split.

Re: LOVELY!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Counseling will do a tremendous amount of good, laying groundwork for all kinds of details that no one has thought of yet, but which could theoretically cause major fights. <<

I think so too. It'd be fun to see a round or two of that before the baby arrives, like we've done with Calliope and Vagary.

>> They're going into this with plans to make it long term, and it shows.<<

It helps that they were willing to spend time on a long courtship. Most people have forgotten about that nowadays, and then wonder why their relationships don't work out well.

Re: LOVELY!

[dialecticdreamer]

I need to think about how many kids they're going to end up with. One is PLENTY right now. *G*

Re: LOVELY!

[ysabetwordsmith]

One is plenty for now.

I found where we had a list of ideas for Finn descendants:

"Molly -- most likely 2-3, but could be more if she discovers that she loves motherhood. However, she's in a polyfamily which means a probable total of 4-6 once you add Bethan's kids, and more if Dave also finds a compatible mate who wants to make some."

If the two current women have 2 each, that's 5 total counting the extra. If somebody wants 3 they're at 6. If they both want 3, or both want 2 and a new girlfriend also wants 2, they're up to 7. The original estimate didn't account for extras from outside -- and they might want to adopt a superkid.

They have plenty of adults to make that work before even adding relatives. It would be no hardship for Clan Finn to watch lots of kids. If one group of adults is busy or worn out, there are lots of other options. Dr. G and Mrs. Dr. G will probably be the main focus just because they have a big house set up for kids -- but Molly's polyfamily will quickly have the same setup, meaning anyone could come there too. Add in Heron and Mallory, Aidan and Drew, Tolli and Simon. That's two common and three slightly less common options right there, before even counting family friends like Joshua and Bennett, or less-kid-friendly family members like Shiv and Aida who could help in a pinch.

Plus it seems pretty common in T-America for a polyfamily to include someone who is nonbinary and/or ace, and may not produce offspring, although sometimes they adopt.

The assorted cousins will wind up more like siblings, which is exactly how clans used to work. :D

Re: LOVELY!

[dialecticdreamer]

The sibling-cohort theme is set with Abioud's nieces and nephews, when the family had so much trouble finding a school that would treat the cousins even as a group, let alone as siblings. It's a dynamic I'd like to see more of, since it's not the same as the familiar 'lots of cousins' dynamics. Truthfully, the way America treats families now it's as if they're ALL interchangeable and just something that happens when people aren't at work or school, and I want to show something better.

Re: LOVELY!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> The sibling-cohort theme is set with Abioud's nieces and nephews, when the family had so much trouble finding a school that would treat the cousins even as a group, let alone as siblings. <<

I was thinking of that.

School isn't an issue for the Finns, because any of the kids can be homeschooled by whichever adults are available for that, and some will want or need another type of school. Dairinne is sprawled across homeschool at home, homeschool with grandparents, Circle School, and whatever thematic school playgroups are available.

It might come up if the kids want to do a group bonding activity like attending the same camp. For the Finns, it's not a financial issue, but rather that treating the kids as separate subgroups would really upset them -- and they're not exactly safe to upset, you know?

>> It's a dynamic I'd like to see more of, since it's not the same as the familiar 'lots of cousins' dynamics. <<

I would love to see more of that too.

A fair number of traditional cultures kind of aggregate relationships. Older men in your family are 'uncle' or 'grandfather,' people your own age are 'brother' or 'cousin,' and so on.

In Terramagne, the Picts do that, because they expect people to reproduce to keep the clans going -- but in return, people are not pressured to raise the offspring unless they just want to. There are always some people who love kids and have hordes of their siblings' and friends' children underfoot. It works for them.

>> Truthfully, the way America treats families now it's as if they're ALL interchangeable and just something that happens when people aren't at work or school, <<

Yeah, that's a problem. It doesn't work very well, and most people are unhappy, but they don't understand how to fix it. They don't realized that they've made a society which is terrible at meeting human needs.

>>and I want to show something better. <<

I am all on board with that.

Re: LOVELY!

[(Anonymous)]

[Wistful] Is there a word for "Missing something you've never had?"

Re: LOVELY!

[ysabetwordsmith]

Closest I can think of is fernweh for missing a place you've never been.

Re: LOVELY!

[(Anonymous)]

Google gives me:

Anemoia (noun): Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

Saudade is a feeling of longing, melancholy, desire, and nostalgia that is characteristic of the Brazilian or Portuguese temperament. It describes a deep emotional state; a yearning for a happiness that has passed, or perhaps never even existed.

Hiraeth (pronounced [hiraɪ̯θ][1]) is a Welsh word which means 'nostalgia', or, more commonly, 'homesickness'. Many Welsh people claim 'hiraeth' is a word which cannot be translated, meaning more than solely "missing something" or "missing home." To some, it implies the meaning of missing a time, an era, or a person. It is associated with the bittersweet memory of missing something or someone, while being grateful of that/ their existence. Hiraeth bears considerable similarities with the Portuguese concept of saudade (a key theme in Fado music), Galician morriña, Romanian dor, Russian toska (тоска), German Sehnsucht and Ethiopian tizita (ትዝታ).

Links in order:

https://www.bkconnection.com/bkblog/jeevan-sivasubramaniam/thoroughly-depressing-word-of-the-day-anemoia

https://blog.rosettastone.com/words-beyond-translation-saudade/

https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/442050/what-is-the-word-for-mourning-something-you-never-had/462572#462572

(Question discussed here)
https://www.quora.com/Is-there-a-word-for-missing-something-youve-never-had?top_ans=53514714

Re: LOVELY!

[(Anonymous)]

To clarify, the zoomwagon crew are Platonic Life Partners, and Danys is dating just Bethan or Bethan and Molly?

Hmmm...Dave's framing sounds remarkably similar to a single mom with a special needs kid, on why she's still single. Which might actually be an option for a future relationship for Dave.

1) A good guy who is going to help you take care of your kids is a catch. Goes double or triple if there are complicating issues. Heck, any guy who does emotional labor is a good catch.

2) A ready-made extended family (poly or otherwise) would be an /asset/ in that case. Five people can more easily trade off babysitting or overnight care than two or three. There's more help for last minute emergencies, driving places, or having more month than money.

3) A single mom with special-needs kids won't have as many offers to choose from, so turning down everyone with any sort of 'baggage' isn't feaseable if she wants a boyfriend. She'd actually have to consider pros, cons, and dealbreakers.

4) Given how friendly the Finns are, it is entirely possible that such a person could get picked up by the Finn Network and bond with the household /as a neighbor or friend/ before being a potential partner.

>>compersion<<
>>Judging from the reactions I sometimes get, it's really a feeling that most people not only don't have but can't comprehend.<<

That may be a cultural thing, not an evolutionary one.

Americans are big on individuality and possession, so anything that threatens the idea of your being special and irreplaceable, or that is percieved to take away some of your availible resources will get an extremely negative reaction.

Plus if it isn't a cultural concept most people are exposed to, it would likely be harder to recognize, even if you do have it.

A similar-ish emotional concept I have experienced but do not have a word for is "I approve/appreciate that you are protecting a mutual loved one from me [whether the threat is real or percieved] even if it makes my life more difficult." For example, protective dad approving of daughter's boyfriend trying to protect Daughter from the strange man [dad] who just walked over and started a conversation. Or more generally, calling someone out for being prejudiced, a jerk, stepping on a Trauma Button, etc.

There was at least one culture where it was /expected/ that women would have multiple sex partners, who would all be the father if pregnancy resulted...

...and I remember in Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, one of the matriarchs chose her husband's concubines, and arraigned it so everyone was compatible in order to have a harmonious household. (To be fair, culturally the marriage was essentially a business thing and they got along decently well, not an emotional attatchment, and they got along decently well.)

Re: LOVELY!

[dialecticdreamer]

The zoomwagon crew are basically siblings, yes, while Molly and Bethan are both dating and having sex (separately) with Danys. One of Dave's subliminal issues is that the pillars of his life are work, family, and his community involvement. There's not a lot of room for the latter, given the hours they work, so making time for more than a casual date or two feels unfair to the potential partner.

Re: LOVELY!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> The zoomwagon crew are basically siblings, yes, while Molly and Bethan are both dating and having sex (separately) with Danys.<<

Okay ... so a platonic triad, two of whom have a sexual/romantic V with another person.

>> One of Dave's subliminal issues is that the pillars of his life are work, family, and his community involvement. There's not a lot of room for the latter, given the hours they work, so making time for more than a casual date or two feels unfair to the potential partner. <<

*ponder* One option would be someone else who also has a very busy workload, but compatible time off.

They really need more people, though. That heavy work isn't very sustainable. It helps having the zipcycle, but they only have one pair on that too. So while the zipcycle can take the lighter injuries, it's just dividing the workload by type, not covering everything on a different schedule. Useful but not sufficient.

Re: LOVELY!

[dialecticdreamer]

I want to get two more teams fielded for the zoomwagon, so that overall the amount of hours covered within their driving range is MUCH better, but the teams each get stable, predictable time off (at least one hard day off plus a flexible one), and there's still time to maintain the zoomwagon. With that load, they'll need a dedicated mechanic who can handle the machine without wanting to reverse engineer anything or "fix" it to suit themselves.

Finding two more speedster drivers may be easier than finding the mechanic.

Re: LOVELY!

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I want to get two more teams fielded for the zoomwagon, so that overall the amount of hours covered within their driving range is MUCH better, but the teams each get stable, predictable time off (at least one hard day off plus a flexible one), and there's still time to maintain the zoomwagon.<<

Ideally, yes. We know that they only had one team each for zoomwagon and zipcycle for the Big One, though, and after that everything will be a scramble. Farther west there's more damage to roads, so the zoomwagon's usefulness is limited there. The overall population of the West Coast would plummet, and after the initial casualties from the earthquakes and tsunamis, what's left? Probably construction-type problems as people attempt to clear rubble and rebuild. I'm not sure if that would be more, the same, or less than previous levels of callouts.

>> With that load, they'll need a dedicated mechanic who can handle the machine without wanting to reverse engineer anything or "fix" it to suit themselves. <<

Probably so. Zoomwagons are finicky things, hard to keep running, because they're not standard tech. They require attention after each use, more than a regular ambulance would. More crews could mean more callouts, thus more maintenance.

>> Finding two more speedster drivers may be easier than finding the mechanic. <<

Speedster drivers, plus at least a paramedic and an EMT. The drivers need at least intermediate first aid training, and I expect that EMT or paramedic rank would be preferred, although they could go for EFA instead since an ambulance is supposed to have that too. They have to be either soups, or completely comfortable working with soups and zetetic equipment.

*ponder* You know what I'd look for? A diagnostician. For some fool reason, people tend to view them as inadequate Healers rather than psychics whose Sight has a medical focus. So like cargo teleporters, they're not used to great advantage, except in the Maldives where they're greatly treasured. That's how the teleport hub has free health scans for anyone interested. Anyhow, having someone on an ambulance crew who could do fast, super-accurate assessments would be incredibly valuable. They'd only need EMT skill to provide extra help for a paramedic member; their main purpose would be finding problems for their partner to fix.

Also relating to the Big One, we have Jefferson, who despite his spoiled upbringing is serious about becoming a field doctor. When the Big One hit, he got assigned to a current field doctor as an assistant. After the Big One, most if not all colleges on the West Coast will shut down for some time. Jefferson can either go east for medical school, which he doesn't want to do because his family is staying; or start his training with what amounts to an apprenticeship and pick up the classwork later, which he's much more likely to do. So what will happen to him and the field doctor after the initial casualties peter out? If a speedster could be found, they'd just need a field nurse -- preferably also a soup -- to make the higher-level team. You put that one on duty during peak demand hours when the worst cases are most likely to occur.

I can see how finding a dedicated zoom mechanic would be hard, though, because they have to be at least gizmologist level, and a lot of those tend to focus on inventing rather than maintaining. You'd need someone with good followship skills, almost like a sidekick for the people inventing the gear.

[(Anonymous)]

"The things we never saw coming
often take us to the places we
never imagined we could go."

If ever there was a motto for my life!
Thank you for posting this, it was timely. :)
-kellyc