Poem: "White Chrysanthemums"
Feb. 2nd, 2021 04:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThis is today's freebie, prompted by mylittleangel. It also fills the "Chrysanthemum (white) - Truth" square in my 2-2-21 "Language of Flowers" card for the Valentines Bingo fest. This poem belongs to the series Love Is For Children. It follows "Everyone Should Be Free to Choose," so read that first or this won't make much sense.
"White Chrysanthemums"
When Tony found out that
JARVIS and Clint were together,
he was a little bemused, but
mostly happy for you.
"Congratulations,"
he said to JARVIS.
"I hope that you have
better luck in love
than I ever did."
"Thank you, sir,"
said JARVIS.
Then Tony turned
toward the archer.
"I love you as a buddy,
Clint, but JARVIS is my son,"
Tony said. "If you break
his little clockwork heart,
then I will end you."
"Understood," Clint said.
"I'm not exactly experienced
in healthy relationships, but
JARVIS has found me
some good materials,
so that's helping."
Sure enough, Tony
found those materials
littered around the Tower,
especially the common floor.
One look at Intellectual Foreplay
made him shudder and drop it.
Was that how other people felt
about Tony's cyberporn?
He hesitated over the pile
of pamphlets, not wanting
to get burned again.
However, if JARVIS
and Clint were doing
this asexual thing, Tony
needed to know more.
Besides, he was a superhero;
he couldn't be a coward about it
just because emotions were icky.
Asexuality 101 seemed safer,
so Tony started with that one.
Asexuals had little or no desire
for erotic activity, and rarely
if ever felt sexual desire.
Okay, that made sense.
Demisexuals could only feel
sexual desire for someone after
forming emotional bonds.
"What ... the ... fuuuuck?"
Tony said, tilting the page
sideways. He hadn't misread it.
Well, that made no sense at all.
Then again, he had heard
Steve say something about
not really understanding
the point of good-time girls.
Next Tony tried Understanding
Asexuality & Aromanticism.
Inside, it had definitions for
asexuality, which was familiar,
and aromanticism, which Tony
had never even heard of.
"Lack of romantic attraction,"
he read. "That's ... interesting."
But it was the next page
that really clicked for him.
That page had graphs that
looked like little arc reactors
in different colors, each one of
them divided into pie-pieces
for Support, Commitment,
Sex, Romance, and Other.
The more of a piece that
was filled in, the more
that part mattered in
a given relationship.
Tony could instantly see
that he valued sex a lot,
and support somewhat, but
many of his relationships
relied on other things, like
the lab bromance with Bruce.
Commitment was ... well, Tony
was trying to learn about that,
but the whole Obie thing
made it reeeaaally hard.
Romance? Tony winced.
That was something women
started to expect after about
the second or third date,
and Tony sucked at it.
He didn't understand
why people couldn't just
enjoy a jolly good fuck
and be done with it.
Okay, some men could,
and that was a key reason
why Tony loved gay sex.
Women were more like
chocolate lube: awesome, but
damn near impossible get off you.
Curious, Tony tried the last pamphlet.
Common Aromantic Identities had
descriptions of different ways that
people could feel about romance,
or rather the lack of romance.
He definitely was not aroace,
because he loved pussy and
loved dick and all the other bits
and bobs of bodily pleasure.
He wasn't sure about grayro.
Had he ever felt the kind
of hearts-and-flowers that
people typically described?
Maybe. Kinda. Sorta.
He felt bad about
disappointing Pepper,
at least. Did that count?
Then he found quoiromantic,
and even better WTFromantic,
for people who didn't understand
romance or how it was supposed
to be different from platonic feels.
"Wow," Tony said. "That ... that
kinda sounds like me. Wow."
There were words for how
Tony felt about people.
There were words for it.
He wasn't broken, wasn't
just a craptastic boyfriend or
a sad excuse for a human being.
He was aromantic. Maybe.
Probably. More research needed.
But the hypothesis gave him hope,
and that was what mattered.
"JARVIS, can you print me off
some copies of these pamphlets?"
Tony said. "And maybe find me
some more reading material?
Not like that awful book, ugh,
I mean things on asexuality
and aromanticism and stuff."
"Those pamphlets are spares, so
you may keep them," JARVIS said.
"Clint and I thought that some of
the other Avengers might like
background reading, so we
printed up several copies. I
will compile a reading list and
add it to your personal files."
"Thanks, J," said Tony. "And
maybe, uh, something about
support? Which I'm trying
to learn. For you and Clint."
"I will add those materials
to your list," JARVIS said.
"Flowers!" Tony yelped.
"There are supposed to be
flowers. That's a thing.
That I get yelled at about."
"Flowers are often expected
in romantic relationships, but
not necessarily in asexual or
aromantic ones," JARVIS said.
"It is entirely up to you, sir."
"Pepper likes flowers,"
Tony said. "I should send ...
something not sexy like roses?"
"White chrysanthemums symbolize
truth," said JARVIS. "White flowers
generally send platonic messages."
"Yeah, that!" Tony said, nodding.
"And a card, it needs a card."
Tony's phone vibrated.
He took it out and filled in
the card form on the screen:
I think I might be aromantic.
I'd like to be platonic friends.
It probably sucked, but it
wasn't as bad as some things
he'd sent while he was hungover.
Or dying, definitely better than those.
"JARVIS, do you think I should send
flowers to Clint too?" Tony said. "For,
you know, showing me this stuff."
"I am certain that Clint would
like to know you appreciate
the information," said JARVIS.
"Yeah, yeah, send a bouquet
to him too then," Tony said.
On the card, he put an emoticon
of a heart with a slash through it, and
underneath, Thanks. I needed that.
This wasn't a robust theory yet,
it still needed a lot of testing, but
it was the best hypothesis he had.
* * *
Notes:
Intellectual Foreplay is a book of deep relationship questions. Note: for demifolk, romantic asexuals, and other less-carnal orientations, this often parses are hardcore pr0n. If you're really into emotional intimacy rather than squishing bits together, consider your environment before indulging. Everyone has things that really excite them, just not all the same things.
(These images are Not Safe For Work in most fields.)
Tony's mental porn track is influenced by cyberspace and psychotropics, like this woman taking a selfie and this woman firing a rocket out of her ass. Most people find such images more disturbing than sexy.
Asexuality 101 (page 1, page 2)
A flyer by Asexual Outreach
Asexual Outreach’s Asexuality 101 flyer provides an overview of the asexual spectrum, introduces romantic orientations and the aromantic spectrum, and speaks to the intersection of asexuality with race and disability. It's a great resource to give to people who are seeking a concise introduction to asexuality.
Understanding Asexuality and Aromanticism (cover, interior)
This brochure provides a brief overview of ace and aro identities, relationships, and issues. This easy to read introduction is a fantastic resource to share with people who are getting to know and understand our community.
Common Aromantic Identities
By AUREA
This flyer defines several different ways that aromantic people define themselves.
Learn how to support an asexual friend.
A Beginner's Guide to Being an Aromantic Ally
By AUREA
This short handout provides actionable steps to better support aro people.
mylittleangel. It also fills the "Chrysanthemum (white) - Truth" square in my 2-2-21 "Language of Flowers" card for the Valentines Bingo fest. This poem belongs to the series Love Is For Children. It follows "Everyone Should Be Free to Choose," so read that first or this won't make much sense."White Chrysanthemums"
When Tony found out that
JARVIS and Clint were together,
he was a little bemused, but
mostly happy for you.
"Congratulations,"
he said to JARVIS.
"I hope that you have
better luck in love
than I ever did."
"Thank you, sir,"
said JARVIS.
Then Tony turned
toward the archer.
"I love you as a buddy,
Clint, but JARVIS is my son,"
Tony said. "If you break
his little clockwork heart,
then I will end you."
"Understood," Clint said.
"I'm not exactly experienced
in healthy relationships, but
JARVIS has found me
some good materials,
so that's helping."
Sure enough, Tony
found those materials
littered around the Tower,
especially the common floor.
One look at Intellectual Foreplay
made him shudder and drop it.
Was that how other people felt
about Tony's cyberporn?
He hesitated over the pile
of pamphlets, not wanting
to get burned again.
However, if JARVIS
and Clint were doing
this asexual thing, Tony
needed to know more.
Besides, he was a superhero;
he couldn't be a coward about it
just because emotions were icky.
Asexuality 101 seemed safer,
so Tony started with that one.
Asexuals had little or no desire
for erotic activity, and rarely
if ever felt sexual desire.
Okay, that made sense.
Demisexuals could only feel
sexual desire for someone after
forming emotional bonds.
"What ... the ... fuuuuck?"
Tony said, tilting the page
sideways. He hadn't misread it.
Well, that made no sense at all.
Then again, he had heard
Steve say something about
not really understanding
the point of good-time girls.
Next Tony tried Understanding
Asexuality & Aromanticism.
Inside, it had definitions for
asexuality, which was familiar,
and aromanticism, which Tony
had never even heard of.
"Lack of romantic attraction,"
he read. "That's ... interesting."
But it was the next page
that really clicked for him.
That page had graphs that
looked like little arc reactors
in different colors, each one of
them divided into pie-pieces
for Support, Commitment,
Sex, Romance, and Other.
The more of a piece that
was filled in, the more
that part mattered in
a given relationship.
Tony could instantly see
that he valued sex a lot,
and support somewhat, but
many of his relationships
relied on other things, like
the lab bromance with Bruce.
Commitment was ... well, Tony
was trying to learn about that,
but the whole Obie thing
made it reeeaaally hard.
Romance? Tony winced.
That was something women
started to expect after about
the second or third date,
and Tony sucked at it.
He didn't understand
why people couldn't just
enjoy a jolly good fuck
and be done with it.
Okay, some men could,
and that was a key reason
why Tony loved gay sex.
Women were more like
chocolate lube: awesome, but
damn near impossible get off you.
Curious, Tony tried the last pamphlet.
Common Aromantic Identities had
descriptions of different ways that
people could feel about romance,
or rather the lack of romance.
He definitely was not aroace,
because he loved pussy and
loved dick and all the other bits
and bobs of bodily pleasure.
He wasn't sure about grayro.
Had he ever felt the kind
of hearts-and-flowers that
people typically described?
Maybe. Kinda. Sorta.
He felt bad about
disappointing Pepper,
at least. Did that count?
Then he found quoiromantic,
and even better WTFromantic,
for people who didn't understand
romance or how it was supposed
to be different from platonic feels.
"Wow," Tony said. "That ... that
kinda sounds like me. Wow."
There were words for how
Tony felt about people.
There were words for it.
He wasn't broken, wasn't
just a craptastic boyfriend or
a sad excuse for a human being.
He was aromantic. Maybe.
Probably. More research needed.
But the hypothesis gave him hope,
and that was what mattered.
"JARVIS, can you print me off
some copies of these pamphlets?"
Tony said. "And maybe find me
some more reading material?
Not like that awful book, ugh,
I mean things on asexuality
and aromanticism and stuff."
"Those pamphlets are spares, so
you may keep them," JARVIS said.
"Clint and I thought that some of
the other Avengers might like
background reading, so we
printed up several copies. I
will compile a reading list and
add it to your personal files."
"Thanks, J," said Tony. "And
maybe, uh, something about
support? Which I'm trying
to learn. For you and Clint."
"I will add those materials
to your list," JARVIS said.
"Flowers!" Tony yelped.
"There are supposed to be
flowers. That's a thing.
That I get yelled at about."
"Flowers are often expected
in romantic relationships, but
not necessarily in asexual or
aromantic ones," JARVIS said.
"It is entirely up to you, sir."
"Pepper likes flowers,"
Tony said. "I should send ...
something not sexy like roses?"
"White chrysanthemums symbolize
truth," said JARVIS. "White flowers
generally send platonic messages."
"Yeah, that!" Tony said, nodding.
"And a card, it needs a card."
Tony's phone vibrated.
He took it out and filled in
the card form on the screen:
I think I might be aromantic.
I'd like to be platonic friends.
It probably sucked, but it
wasn't as bad as some things
he'd sent while he was hungover.
Or dying, definitely better than those.
"JARVIS, do you think I should send
flowers to Clint too?" Tony said. "For,
you know, showing me this stuff."
"I am certain that Clint would
like to know you appreciate
the information," said JARVIS.
"Yeah, yeah, send a bouquet
to him too then," Tony said.
On the card, he put an emoticon
of a heart with a slash through it, and
underneath, Thanks. I needed that.
This wasn't a robust theory yet,
it still needed a lot of testing, but
it was the best hypothesis he had.
* * *
Notes:
Intellectual Foreplay is a book of deep relationship questions. Note: for demifolk, romantic asexuals, and other less-carnal orientations, this often parses are hardcore pr0n. If you're really into emotional intimacy rather than squishing bits together, consider your environment before indulging. Everyone has things that really excite them, just not all the same things.
(These images are Not Safe For Work in most fields.)
Tony's mental porn track is influenced by cyberspace and psychotropics, like this woman taking a selfie and this woman firing a rocket out of her ass. Most people find such images more disturbing than sexy.
Asexuality 101 (page 1, page 2)
A flyer by Asexual Outreach
Asexual Outreach’s Asexuality 101 flyer provides an overview of the asexual spectrum, introduces romantic orientations and the aromantic spectrum, and speaks to the intersection of asexuality with race and disability. It's a great resource to give to people who are seeking a concise introduction to asexuality.
Understanding Asexuality and Aromanticism (cover, interior)
This brochure provides a brief overview of ace and aro identities, relationships, and issues. This easy to read introduction is a fantastic resource to share with people who are getting to know and understand our community.
Common Aromantic Identities
By AUREA
This flyer defines several different ways that aromantic people define themselves.
Learn how to support an asexual friend.
A Beginner's Guide to Being an Aromantic Ally
By AUREA
This short handout provides actionable steps to better support aro people.
Yay! I'm so happy for Tony
Date: 2021-02-03 12:06 am (UTC)Love the shovel talk with Tony and Clint. It feels very authentic that Tony asks JARVIS for reading materials - and therefore technically, tentatively coming out to his son - but how you included Clint by making it clear that JARVIS and Clint have left the pamphlets out was lovely. Clint gets platonic flowers, Pepper gets platonic flowers, everyone gets platonic flowers!
I really hope that Pepper knows the language of flowers and that she always reads the cards Tony has sent with the multitude of flowers that he's sent over the years. I just really hope she's accepting of Tony's revelation and that both of them can be happy as best friends - or happier now that both of them are comfortable in their dynamics.
This was a lovely read :D
~Angel
Re: Yay! I'm so happy for Tony
Date: 2021-02-03 02:10 am (UTC)I'm glad you liked that. I figured that Tony, being a geek, would approach sex/romance from a logical perspective.
>> Go Tony, he's trying so hard to be supportive - he doesn't really know how - so he's fixing that.<<
Yeah, his examples of "support" growing up consisted of his parents (nearly nonexistent except for cash), Obie (who abused him), and Edwin Jarvis (who basically raised him). That makes it hard for Tony to figure out how this part of human interaction is really supposed to work. I think Rhodey and Happy helped a lot, though, once they came along. And Tony basically built his botfamily so he could have help that wouldn't pick on him.
>> Love the shovel talk with Tony and Clint. <<
Yay! :D
>> It feels very authentic that Tony asks JARVIS for reading materials <<
I'm happy to hear that. It seems to be Tony's approach to life:
"When did you become an expert on thermonuclear astrophysics?"
"Last night."
LOL which means by the end of the week, Stark Industries will probably have an acespec company club and a platonic lounge.
>> and therefore technically, tentatively coming out to his son <<
They're still so enmeshed at this stage, I don't think it even occurred to either of them as "coming out." Tony doesn't seem to keep secrets from JARVIS.
I think Tony's decision to tell Pepper was less about coming out, and more about 1) getting a second opinion from someone who actually understands this stuff as to whether "aromantic" is a sound hypothesis, and 2) attempting to fix a relationship that he values but has performed poorly in the past.
>> but how you included Clint by making it clear that JARVIS and Clint have left the pamphlets out was lovely. <<
By leaving a few basic resources in shared space, they make it easy for their teamfamily to learn more or open a conversation. Anyone who doesn't want to can just ignore it. This is a lot more discreet than bringing it up in person.
>> Clint gets platonic flowers, Pepper gets platonic flowers, everyone gets platonic flowers! <<
Platonic flowers are awesome. :D The flower language is sophisticated enough that you can have whole conversations in it.
>> I really hope that Pepper knows the language of flowers and that she always reads the cards Tony has sent with the multitude of flowers that he's sent over the years. <<
Possibly; I suspect that varies across iterations. Since LIFC is meant to be better than MCU, I'm going to bet that 1) Pepper knows at least basic flower language and the cards probably have a translation on them anyhow, and 2) she does read the cards, probably hoping that Tony would get better at romance.
>> I just really hope she's accepting of Tony's revelation and that both of them can be happy as best friends - or happier now that both of them are comfortable in their dynamics. <<
In this case, it's got a good chance. Pepper has been tangential to this series, but not abusive like in Iron Man 3. I think that Tony and Pepper will make much better friends than romantic partners.
>> This was a lovely read :D
Thank you! \o/
(no subject)
Date: 2021-02-03 12:46 am (UTC)💚
Date: 2021-02-03 01:33 am (UTC)This resonates a lot, especially WTF-romantic.
The selfie pic is gorgeous.
This song goes with the userpic on this comment.
Re: 💚
Date: 2021-02-03 02:22 am (UTC)After watching Tony in the movies, it just seemed like he was floundering around, desperately trying to meet other people's expectations but failing because he couldn't see what they did. That kind of pattern usually means something in the alt-sex/gender area. Since Tony is so enthusiastic about sex but so wretched at relationships, aromantic was a logical hypothesis.
>> The selfie pic is gorgeous. <<
I think so too. It's my favorite of the lot. It seems like a great visual representation of how a genius mind is always processing a zillion things at once.
>> This song goes with the userpic on this comment. <<
Dude. You went and made me cry.
Farmemory means having friends forever, paths crossing and recrossing in this life or that one, sometimes touching on old memories, always making new ones. And the river still has no end.
Re: 💚
Date: 2021-02-03 07:24 pm (UTC)Many thanks! Arguably my best love song.
Re: 💚
Date: 2021-02-03 07:57 pm (UTC)Re: 💚
Date: 2021-02-09 03:31 am (UTC)yes, yes it does. There's someone with whom I should reconnect along those lines..
And, yes, my brother *is* an excellent songwriter, and a sneaky practical jokester in the best of ways when he wants to be. :) (Though that wasn't his song, it was his _joke_... )
Re: 💚
Date: 2021-02-09 05:03 am (UTC)Farmemory is just recalling that you've made trips like this before, so when you see a road on the plain and a road on the mountain, you just figure those connect at the base of the mountain. And it's a pretty awesome trip, too. :D
Re: 💚
Date: 2021-02-09 03:20 am (UTC)Thank you, Bear, for the song. It... explains a few things about _me_.
Re: 💚
Date: 2021-02-09 04:44 am (UTC)Most welcome, Brother Bear.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-02-03 10:15 pm (UTC)