Poetry Fishbowl Open!
Jul. 7th, 2020 12:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThe Poetry Fishbowl is now CLOSED. Thank you for your time and attention. Please keep an eye on this space as I am still writing.
Starting now, the Poetry Fishbowl is open! Today's theme is "Yeah, we have those too." I will be checking this page periodically throughout the day. When people make suggestions, I'll pick some and weave them together into a poem ... and then another ... and so on. I'm hoping to get a lot of ideas and a lot of poems.
I'll be soliciting ideas for assholes, abusers, victims, bigots, zealots, troublemakers, rebels, tyrants, saboteurs, resistance cells, social engineers, leaders, followers, equals, young elders, ethicists, activists, conservatives, charismatic people, superheroes, supervillains, outcasts, loners, conscientious objectors, other people who reflect on each other, mirroring, criticizing, rescuing, supporting, rebelling, undermining, infiltrating, deceiving, social engineering, working on the car together, clearing out the bad apples, making changes, leading, following, cooperating, negotiating, mediating, bartering, speaking, listening, reading, writing, discovering yourself, testing boundaries, creating connections, coming of age, learning what you can (and can't) do, changing the world, accomplishing the impossible, recovering from setbacks, returning home, homes, counseling offices, churches, temples, meeting halls, capitals, cities, government offices, back rooms, schools, rural areas, farms, supervillain lairs, alien planets, fantasy worlds, other places of reflection, unpleasant revelations, civil unrest, sea change, pesky objects, planned obsolescence, teamwork, teamfamily, complementary strengths and weaknesses, dominance fights, leadership, followship, etiquette, bigotry, confusion, independence, cooperation, virtues, values conflict, loyalty, betrayal, alienation, rebellion, the heroic journey, personal growth, imprint vulnerability, rites of passage, and poetic forms in particular.
Currently eligible bingo card(s) for donors wishing to sponsor a square:
Ladiesbingo Card 9-2-19
Hurt/Comfort Bingo Card 6-15-20
Winterfest in July Bingo Card 7-1-20
Among my more relevant series for the main theme:
An Army of One constructs a society from outcasts.
Fledgling Grace reveals hidden connections.
Monster House brings together people from different backgrounds to form a family.
The Moon Door is about chronic illnesses and lycathropy.
The Ocracies is about all different types of government, but people find common ground anyway.
One God's Story of Mid-Life Crisis features the God of Drunks and his followers.
Polychrome Heroics has many different organizations and groups, and quite a lot of reflection.
Walking the Beat is lesbian romance with a community focus.
Or you can ask for something new.
I have a linkback poem, "Two Ends of a Spectrum" (6 verses, standalone).
What Is a Poetry Fishbowl?
Writing is usually considered a solitary pursuit. One exception to this is a fascinating exercise called a "fishbowl." This has various forms, but all of them basically involve some kind of writing in public, usually with interaction between author and audience. A famous example is Harlan Ellison's series of "stories under glass" in which he sits in a bookstore window and writes a new story based on an idea that someone gives him. Writing classes sometimes include a version where students watch each other write, often with students calling out suggestions which are chalked up on the blackboard for those writing to use as inspiration.
In this online version of a Poetry Fishbowl, I begin by setting a theme; today's theme is "Yeah, we have those too." I invite people to suggest characters, settings, and other things relating to that theme. Then I use those prompts as inspiration for writing poems.
Cyberfunded Creativity
I'm practicing cyberfunded creativity. If you enjoy what I'm doing and want to see more of it, please feed the Bard. The following options are currently available:
1) Sponsor the Fishbowl -- Here is a PayPal button for donations. There is no specific requirement, but $1 is the minimum recommended size for PayPal transactions since they take a cut from every one. You can also donate via check or money order sent by postal mail. If you make a donation and tell me about it, I promise to use one of your prompts. Anonymous donations are perfectly welcome, just won't get that perk. General donations will be tallied, and at the end of the fishbowl I’ll post a list of eligible poems based on the total funding; then the audience can vote on which they want to see posted.
2) Swim, Fishie, Swim! -- A feature in conjunction with fishbowl sponsorship is this progress meter showing the amount donated. There are multiple perks, the top one being a half-price poetry sale on one series when donations reach $300.
3) Buy It Now! -- Gakked from various e-auction sites, this feature allows you to sponsor a specific poem. If you don't want to wait for some editor to buy and publish my poem so you can read it, well, now you don't have to. Sponsoring a poem means that I will immediately post it on my blog for everyone to see, with the name of the sponsor (or another dedicate) if you wish; plus you get a nonexclusive publication right, so you can post it on your own blog or elsewhere as long as you keep the credits intact. You'll need to tell me the title of the poem you want to sponsor. I'm basing the prices on length, and they're comparable to what I typically make selling poetry to magazines (semi-pro rates according to Duotrope's Digest).
0-10 lines: $5
11-25 lines: $10
26-40 lines: $15
41-60 lines: $20
Poems over 60 lines, or with very intricate structure, fall into custom pricing.
4) Commission a scrapbook page. I can render a chosen poem in hardcopy format, on colorful paper, using archival materials for background and any embellishments. This will be suitable for framing or for adding to a scrapbook. Commission details are here. See latest photos of sample scrapbooked poems: "Sample Scrapbooked Poems 1-24-11"
5) Spread the word. Echo or link to this post on your Dreamwidth, other blog, Twitter, Facebook, Digg, StumbleUpon, or any other social network. Useful Twitter hashtags include #poetryfishbowl and #promptcall. Encourage people to come here and participate in the fishbowl. If you have room for it, including your own prompt will give your readers an idea of what the prompts should look like; ideally, update later to include the thumbnail of the poem I write, and a link to the poem if it gets published. If there is at least one new prompter or donor, I will post an extra freebie poem.
Linkback perk: I have a spare series poem available, and each linkback will reveal a verse of the poem. One person can do multiple links if they're on different services, like Dreamwidth or Twitter, rather than all on LiveJournal. Comment with a link to where you posted. "Two Ends of a Spectrum" has 6 verses and stands alone.
Additional Notes
1) I customarily post replies to prompt posts telling people which of their prompts I'm using, with a brief description of the resulting poem(s). If you want to know what's available, watch for those "thumbnails."
2) You don't have to pay me to see a poem based on a prompt that you gave me. I try to send copies of poems to people, mostly using the LJ message function. (Anonymous prompters will miss this perk unless you give me your eddress.) These are for-your-eyes-only, though, not for sharing.
3) Sponsors of the Poetry Fishbowl in general, or of specific poems, will gain access to an extra post in appreciation of their generosity. While you're on the Donors list, you can view all of the custom-locked posts in that category. Click the "donors" tag to read the archive of those. I've also posted a list of other donor perks there. I customarily leave donor names on the list for two months, so you'll get to see the perk-post from this month and next.
4) After the Poetry Fishbowl concludes, I will post a list of unsold poems and their prices, to make it easier for folks to see what they might want to sponsor.
5) If donations total $100 by Friday evening then you get a free $15 poem; $150 gets you a free $20 poem; and $200 gets you a free epic, posted after the Poetry Fishbowl. These will usually be series poems if I have them; otherwise I may offer non-series poems or series poems in a different size. If donations reach $250, you get one step toward a bonus fishbowl; four of these activates the perk, and they don't have to be four months in a row. Everyone will get to vote on which series, and give prompts during the extra fishbowl, although it may be a half-day rather than a whole day.
Feed the Fish!
Now's your chance to participate in the creative process by posting ideas for me to write about. Today's theme is "Yeah, we have those too." See above for details. If you manage to recommend a form that I don't recognize, I will probably pounce on it and ask you for its rules. I do have The New Book of Forms by Lewis Turco which covers most common and many obscure forms.
I'll post at least one of the fishbowl poems here so you-all can enjoy it. (Remember, you get an extra freebie poem if someone new posts a prompt or makes a donation, and additional perks at $100-$300 in donations. Linkbacks reveal verses of "Two Ends of a Spectrum." The rest of the poems will go into my archive for future use.
Starting now, the Poetry Fishbowl is open! Today's theme is "Yeah, we have those too." I will be checking this page periodically throughout the day. When people make suggestions, I'll pick some and weave them together into a poem ... and then another ... and so on. I'm hoping to get a lot of ideas and a lot of poems.
I'll be soliciting ideas for assholes, abusers, victims, bigots, zealots, troublemakers, rebels, tyrants, saboteurs, resistance cells, social engineers, leaders, followers, equals, young elders, ethicists, activists, conservatives, charismatic people, superheroes, supervillains, outcasts, loners, conscientious objectors, other people who reflect on each other, mirroring, criticizing, rescuing, supporting, rebelling, undermining, infiltrating, deceiving, social engineering, working on the car together, clearing out the bad apples, making changes, leading, following, cooperating, negotiating, mediating, bartering, speaking, listening, reading, writing, discovering yourself, testing boundaries, creating connections, coming of age, learning what you can (and can't) do, changing the world, accomplishing the impossible, recovering from setbacks, returning home, homes, counseling offices, churches, temples, meeting halls, capitals, cities, government offices, back rooms, schools, rural areas, farms, supervillain lairs, alien planets, fantasy worlds, other places of reflection, unpleasant revelations, civil unrest, sea change, pesky objects, planned obsolescence, teamwork, teamfamily, complementary strengths and weaknesses, dominance fights, leadership, followship, etiquette, bigotry, confusion, independence, cooperation, virtues, values conflict, loyalty, betrayal, alienation, rebellion, the heroic journey, personal growth, imprint vulnerability, rites of passage, and poetic forms in particular.
Currently eligible bingo card(s) for donors wishing to sponsor a square:
Ladiesbingo Card 9-2-19
Hurt/Comfort Bingo Card 6-15-20
Winterfest in July Bingo Card 7-1-20
Among my more relevant series for the main theme:
An Army of One constructs a society from outcasts.
Fledgling Grace reveals hidden connections.
Monster House brings together people from different backgrounds to form a family.
The Moon Door is about chronic illnesses and lycathropy.
The Ocracies is about all different types of government, but people find common ground anyway.
One God's Story of Mid-Life Crisis features the God of Drunks and his followers.
Polychrome Heroics has many different organizations and groups, and quite a lot of reflection.
Walking the Beat is lesbian romance with a community focus.
Or you can ask for something new.
I have a linkback poem, "Two Ends of a Spectrum" (6 verses, standalone).
What Is a Poetry Fishbowl?
Writing is usually considered a solitary pursuit. One exception to this is a fascinating exercise called a "fishbowl." This has various forms, but all of them basically involve some kind of writing in public, usually with interaction between author and audience. A famous example is Harlan Ellison's series of "stories under glass" in which he sits in a bookstore window and writes a new story based on an idea that someone gives him. Writing classes sometimes include a version where students watch each other write, often with students calling out suggestions which are chalked up on the blackboard for those writing to use as inspiration.
In this online version of a Poetry Fishbowl, I begin by setting a theme; today's theme is "Yeah, we have those too." I invite people to suggest characters, settings, and other things relating to that theme. Then I use those prompts as inspiration for writing poems.
Cyberfunded Creativity
I'm practicing cyberfunded creativity. If you enjoy what I'm doing and want to see more of it, please feed the Bard. The following options are currently available:
1) Sponsor the Fishbowl -- Here is a PayPal button for donations. There is no specific requirement, but $1 is the minimum recommended size for PayPal transactions since they take a cut from every one. You can also donate via check or money order sent by postal mail. If you make a donation and tell me about it, I promise to use one of your prompts. Anonymous donations are perfectly welcome, just won't get that perk. General donations will be tallied, and at the end of the fishbowl I’ll post a list of eligible poems based on the total funding; then the audience can vote on which they want to see posted.
2) Swim, Fishie, Swim! -- A feature in conjunction with fishbowl sponsorship is this progress meter showing the amount donated. There are multiple perks, the top one being a half-price poetry sale on one series when donations reach $300.
3) Buy It Now! -- Gakked from various e-auction sites, this feature allows you to sponsor a specific poem. If you don't want to wait for some editor to buy and publish my poem so you can read it, well, now you don't have to. Sponsoring a poem means that I will immediately post it on my blog for everyone to see, with the name of the sponsor (or another dedicate) if you wish; plus you get a nonexclusive publication right, so you can post it on your own blog or elsewhere as long as you keep the credits intact. You'll need to tell me the title of the poem you want to sponsor. I'm basing the prices on length, and they're comparable to what I typically make selling poetry to magazines (semi-pro rates according to Duotrope's Digest).
0-10 lines: $5
11-25 lines: $10
26-40 lines: $15
41-60 lines: $20
Poems over 60 lines, or with very intricate structure, fall into custom pricing.
4) Commission a scrapbook page. I can render a chosen poem in hardcopy format, on colorful paper, using archival materials for background and any embellishments. This will be suitable for framing or for adding to a scrapbook. Commission details are here. See latest photos of sample scrapbooked poems: "Sample Scrapbooked Poems 1-24-11"
5) Spread the word. Echo or link to this post on your Dreamwidth, other blog, Twitter, Facebook, Digg, StumbleUpon, or any other social network. Useful Twitter hashtags include #poetryfishbowl and #promptcall. Encourage people to come here and participate in the fishbowl. If you have room for it, including your own prompt will give your readers an idea of what the prompts should look like; ideally, update later to include the thumbnail of the poem I write, and a link to the poem if it gets published. If there is at least one new prompter or donor, I will post an extra freebie poem.
Linkback perk: I have a spare series poem available, and each linkback will reveal a verse of the poem. One person can do multiple links if they're on different services, like Dreamwidth or Twitter, rather than all on LiveJournal. Comment with a link to where you posted. "Two Ends of a Spectrum" has 6 verses and stands alone.
Additional Notes
1) I customarily post replies to prompt posts telling people which of their prompts I'm using, with a brief description of the resulting poem(s). If you want to know what's available, watch for those "thumbnails."
2) You don't have to pay me to see a poem based on a prompt that you gave me. I try to send copies of poems to people, mostly using the LJ message function. (Anonymous prompters will miss this perk unless you give me your eddress.) These are for-your-eyes-only, though, not for sharing.
3) Sponsors of the Poetry Fishbowl in general, or of specific poems, will gain access to an extra post in appreciation of their generosity. While you're on the Donors list, you can view all of the custom-locked posts in that category. Click the "donors" tag to read the archive of those. I've also posted a list of other donor perks there. I customarily leave donor names on the list for two months, so you'll get to see the perk-post from this month and next.
4) After the Poetry Fishbowl concludes, I will post a list of unsold poems and their prices, to make it easier for folks to see what they might want to sponsor.
5) If donations total $100 by Friday evening then you get a free $15 poem; $150 gets you a free $20 poem; and $200 gets you a free epic, posted after the Poetry Fishbowl. These will usually be series poems if I have them; otherwise I may offer non-series poems or series poems in a different size. If donations reach $250, you get one step toward a bonus fishbowl; four of these activates the perk, and they don't have to be four months in a row. Everyone will get to vote on which series, and give prompts during the extra fishbowl, although it may be a half-day rather than a whole day.
Feed the Fish!
Now's your chance to participate in the creative process by posting ideas for me to write about. Today's theme is "Yeah, we have those too." See above for details. If you manage to recommend a form that I don't recognize, I will probably pounce on it and ask you for its rules. I do have The New Book of Forms by Lewis Turco which covers most common and many obscure forms.
I'll post at least one of the fishbowl poems here so you-all can enjoy it. (Remember, you get an extra freebie poem if someone new posts a prompt or makes a donation, and additional perks at $100-$300 in donations. Linkbacks reveal verses of "Two Ends of a Spectrum." The rest of the poems will go into my archive for future use.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-07 05:33 pm (UTC)Unheard of means only undreamed of yet, Impossible means not yet done
Poem
Date: 2020-07-07 07:34 pm (UTC)Prompt
Date: 2020-07-07 05:34 pm (UTC)Re: Prompt
Date: 2020-07-08 12:51 am (UTC)169 lines, Buy It Now = $85
Poem
Date: 2020-07-07 05:38 pm (UTC)Hold for original prompter.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-07 05:41 pm (UTC)Hmm... The Lacuna has a scrapyard of busted ships. I'd kind of like to see a Parent/child bonding moment over rebuilding some run-down 'classic' ship, maybe as way of bridging the gap between Nt/NV Parent/child, and who knows, gender gap as well. [although, how the heck do you put a starship up on cinder-blocks?!]
Poem
Date: 2020-07-15 10:09 am (UTC)768 lines, Buy It Now = $384
(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-07 05:52 pm (UTC)Fiorina and her priest friend, comparing notes about zealots? (heh, my fingers misspelled that as zealouts... OUT is a good place... :)
Poem
Date: 2020-07-18 08:38 pm (UTC)270 lines, Buy It Now = $135
Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-07 07:22 pm (UTC)Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-07 07:24 pm (UTC)Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-08 09:46 am (UTC)284 lines, Buy It Now = $142
Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-07 10:24 pm (UTC)Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-08 09:46 am (UTC)284 lines, Buy It Now = $142
Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-08 02:22 am (UTC)Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-08 04:55 pm (UTC)Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-19 10:56 am (UTC)262 lines, Buy It Now = $131
Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-19 10:56 am (UTC)262 lines, Buy It Now = $131
Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-08 09:46 am (UTC)284 lines, Buy It Now = $142
I know last month was Pride month, but still...
Date: 2020-07-07 09:00 pm (UTC)And wanting the outcome to not be just noting their presence, but facilitating their removal or loss of influence. Please select whichever of your storylines calls to you.
Re: I know last month was Pride month, but still...
Date: 2020-07-07 11:22 pm (UTC)Bonus points if you can include acefolk and arofolk in a positive light somewhere?
Re: I know last month was Pride month, but still...
Date: 2020-07-08 02:20 am (UTC)Although you know what I hardly ever see is acefolk who like sex. It's not what attracts us to people but orgasms are orgasms and lack of attraction doesn't mean lack of drive or partners. Shiv is... almost this? But he's about the only one in media despite this being how half the ace people I know IRL are.
Re: I know last month was Pride month, but still...
Date: 2020-07-08 02:58 am (UTC)Yeah, asexuality is typically defined by lack of sexual attraction to a partner. I also include people who have an aesthetic awareness of what sexiness is, but feel little or no compulsion to act on it the way sexuals do. It doesn't necessarily mean that they dislike orgasms; some do, some don't. Conversely, if someone is romantic asexual and likes orgasms, they might decide to have -- and even enjoy -- orgasms with their romantic partner, despite having no sexual attraction. Not to mention all the acefolk who copulate because they desire offspring rather than orgasms.
>> Shiv is... almost this? But he's about the only one in media despite this being how half the ace people I know IRL are. <<
Shiv is an odd cat. He can have orgasms. He just dislikes them; they feel bad to him. He wishes his dick would leave him alone and never demand that kind of attention. He is still trying to figure out his orientation(s) and for now, acespec is one he feels semi-okay about flagging, whereas the truer ones -- traumatagender, traumatasexual -- he shies away from. But the fact that he chose to have sex on several unsatisfying occasions leaves him wondering if he's "really" ace. I think anyone who wishes his dick would leave him alone is as ace as it gets, but Shiv doesn't have decades of gender study under his belt.
His experience of powergasm is very much like a souped-up version of how orgasm feels to most people. But his orgasms do not feel at all like a smaller version of that. Shiv feels about powergasms approximately how most people feel about orgasms: that was awesome, let's do it again! Which is complicated by his general standoffishness, but he has managed.
For a totally different example, consider "Like Cherries Harmonizing Pussycats." Tim the Tentacle Monster is an alien, and does not understand human sexuality, but is in interested in what might be described as nonerotic sensual petting that involves human sex parts.
Re: I know last month was Pride month, but still...
Date: 2020-07-09 09:17 am (UTC)319 lines, Buy It Now = $160
Re: I know last month was Pride month, but still...
Date: 2020-07-09 09:17 am (UTC)319 lines, Buy It Now = $160
Re: I know last month was Pride month, but still...
Date: 2020-07-09 09:17 am (UTC)319 lines, Buy It Now = $160
Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-07 11:59 pm (UTC)Otherwise, one of the Iron Horses, dealing with "one of those" within the Peoples.
Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-08 01:30 am (UTC)Like the linguist from the Kenzie thread (sorry, forgot name, long day) hanging out with the Finns, or a soup-friendly mosque on the Maldives doing outreach to non-Muslim immigrants. Hmmm, I wonder if Boss Finn would get along with that Indian gang Shiv was working with? (And they could trade stories about some of thhe more stubborn people they've be-karma'd.)
Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-08 03:14 am (UTC)Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-13 11:27 am (UTC)456 lines, Buy It Now = $228
Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-13 11:26 am (UTC)456 lines, Buy It Now = $228
Re: Polychrome Heroics
Date: 2020-07-13 11:26 am (UTC)456 lines, Buy It Now = $228
(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-08 12:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-08 01:53 am (UTC)Re: this discussion: https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/12541322.html?thread=40918922#cmt40918922
Check out the Louisiana Slimy Salamander (pretty colors):
https://inaturalist.ca/taxa/27155-Plethodon-kisatchie
And the Reticulated Siren (epic gills): http://www.sci-news.com/biology/reticulated-siren-06694.html
(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-08 01:55 am (UTC)Sensible way to work thru/deal with different value systems.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-08 02:02 am (UTC)I.e. The Muslim lady can distract the Christian protesters with a well-thought out religious discussion, and when the Christan friend shows up they agree with her, to the confusion of the protesters. (Even better: a couple of differnt-denomination Christsns show up, and each time the bigot gets more and more exasperated at getting any backup...)
Subbing in nationalities, political affiliations, subcultures, etc should work just as well as religion.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-08 02:13 am (UTC)Masking is more common among autistic girls and women than among men, and since it makes us less upsetting to NTs it's often either dismissed as a symptom, or treated as "proof" someone isn't autistic. Masking can leave a person drained from the effort of cobbling together and bootstrapping a fake neurotypical personality into place to cover their neurovarience, and it leaves many with a profound sense of alienation. What's worse is describing masking as a symptom to people who don't mask is usually met with dismissal. I have on several occasions had otherwise kind and empathetic people tell me "well everyone feels that way, we just fake it till we make it!" or other platitudes, when I was trying to say the cost of me interacting like a non-autistic person was exhaustion and self-hatred. It's not impostor syndrome (have that too, I can tell the difference) and it's not "fake it till you make it", it's an emotionally draining and spiritually damaging task I add to other tasks so I don't get shunned, killed, or institutionalized.
Yes ...
Date: 2020-07-08 02:35 am (UTC)Regarding neurovariance in particular, see autistic burnout.
Regarding physical effects, see GAS.
For explaining any type of energy drain to clueless people, see "The Spoon Theory."
You are not alone. You are not imagining it. Society is just trying to kill you out of ignorance, indifference, stupidity, and occasional malice. Actually, it's a shitty society that isn't good for anyone's human needs, but it hits some people harder than others. :/
I'll get to the poem later but wanted to reply with resources first, because I know I have a lot of neurovariant readers and these threats could apply to more people.
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2020-07-08 03:05 am (UTC)I have a whole slew of techniques that allow me to get through conversations with people I know.. but for the life of me I cannot name or remember how I know them or who they are. Which is just one way it affects me and how I mask it.
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2020-07-08 03:13 am (UTC)I don't remember names or faces well. People have little tolerance for this either. I don't care; it's not like I can change my brain just because they don't like how it runs. Nor would I trade my galactic-class linguistic coprocessor for the shitty human standard so I could have fancier face recognition wetware.
I can fake being normal for about three hours, it is exhausting, and I rarely bother. Anyone who gets to know me will notice quickly that I am different. I grew up with people telling me that I'm not human. Well, at least they know. It seems to be much harder on my friends who aren't human but everyone thinks they are and is confused when they act like wolves or robots or whatever.
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2020-07-08 04:08 am (UTC)I hadn't heard of autistic burnout before, but that's what's been happening to me lately! I knew about like, professional burnout, and caregiver burnout, but I hadn't seen people discussing burnout from spending like 75% of my waking hours pretending my brain isn't trying to turn into a bag of weasels whenever I touch flat finish paint. (We're renovating a house for sale and everything except trim and doors has to be flat finish paint. In my ideal home there is no paint lower than a semi-gloss and most surfaces would be wood or stone. Flat paint is akin to torture.)
Re: Yes ...
Date: 2020-07-08 04:33 am (UTC)I know that feel.
>> I hadn't heard of autistic burnout before, but that's what's been happening to me lately! <<
That sucks.
Okay, in a nutshell, this is a signifcant threat for neurovariant folks in this society. Not much study has been done, so few concrete details are known. The people who talk about it are autistic adults who are or have gone through it; finding others may prove helpful to you.
This seems to happen most often at times of transition, but not always. One known factor is shifting goal posts: when an autistic person learns a new skill, it becomes expected and another is chosen to start learning. They are never permitted to stop performing previous learned skills. Naturally over time the buildup exceeds their capacity as they must expend more and more energy just to earn the tolerance of those around them.
>> I knew about like, professional burnout, and caregiver burnout, <<
Many of these resources generalize well to other types of burnout. The core concepts include:
* Recognize that you are burning out and it is a serious threat to your health that requires action.
* Identify what things are causing the problem.
* Stop doing those things.
* Identify what things restore your energy.
* Do as much of those things as possible.
* Consider what recovery would look like.
* Once you have recovered, focus on creating a life that will protect you from further burnout in the future. This often necessitates significant lifestyle changes; many people find that a change of career greatly improves their health.
>> but I hadn't seen people discussing burnout from spending like 75% of my waking hours pretending my brain isn't trying to turn into a bag of weasels whenever I touch flat finish paint. (We're renovating a house for sale and everything except trim and doors has to be flat finish paint. In my ideal home there is no paint lower than a semi-gloss and most surfaces would be wood or stone. Flat paint is akin to torture.) <<
That sounds like a very hazardous situation for you. Imagine replacing the words "flat paint" with "major allergen." I happen to be allergic to wool. That means I usually avoid touching it. I am fortunate in that other people acknowledge it is reasonable for me to break out in a rash if I get wool on me, so they don't try to bury me in live sheep. If I shop for yarn for friends, I'm good for about an hour as long as I then wash my hands. So it's a known trigger and one I can control. But it would not be reasonable for me to work in a yarn shop since a majority of the nice yarn is wool, and I know better than to do a major project featuring wool.
Having your brain turn to weasels is a bad thing. It is as bad as getting a rash or suffering indigestion from an allergen, just a different kind of trigger and symptom. It's still something to avoid. Part of health for weird folks is spotting the ways that modern society is inimical to us and taking steps to protect ourselves. When people don't know that, or are forcibly prevented from doing it, they break down and their health collapses. This happens a lot. It is a problem. But it is at least sometimes preventable if you are alert and have agency.
If you don't already have a WRAP book, I recommend making one. Originally conceived for mental issues, it works for any variable health condition. You record what hurts, what helps, who is allowed or forbidden to help and why, how you are when healthy, how you are when unhealthy, etc. If you need to write "no flat paint" in there, then do so.
(I don't need answers to the following questions, unless you wish to discuss them, they're just things for you to consider.)
It sounds like the house project is finite. Can you reduce your contact with flat paint while it is continuing? Can you increase your coping activities (reading, hot baths, whatever makes you feel better) while not in that house to compensate? How long will the project continue? If short, you may manage to tough it out. If long ... take a hard look at your current health and try to estimate whether you can make it to the end. You might not. It is better to quit now than to wind up in the hospital or dead, and those are things that have happened across all kinds of burnout. Sometimes the effects fade in time, but often they do not; burnout is notorious for doing permanent damage to things like the adrenal system.
Do you have a health provider, mental or physical, who could be trusted to help you measure your health in attempt to determine whether you can continue this project and whether your solutions are effective? If you mention the damn paint, most people would dismiss the problem if you were dying at their feet, but conversely "I think my job is making me sick" is a very common complaint and more accepted. So it may be possible to find usable help even though your exact type of burnout is largely unstudied. If neurotypical people give you suggestions, run them by other neurovariant people who have survived burnout to see how realistic they are.
Since you still seem coherent, you have likely caught this early enough to avoid disaster -- if you have maneuvering room to make the necessary changes to protect your health.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-08 03:30 am (UTC)"Do ye have witches, there in America?"
"Yes, but we spell it differently."
Poem
Date: 2020-07-10 08:16 pm (UTC)36 lines, Buy It Now = $15
Done for the night!
Date: 2020-07-08 11:45 am (UTC)Poem
Date: 2020-07-10 03:14 am (UTC)88 lines, Buy It Now = $44
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Date: 2020-07-10 10:56 am (UTC)Hold for original prompter.
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Date: 2020-07-17 08:32 am (UTC)542 lines, Buy It Now = $271
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Date: 2020-07-19 03:36 am (UTC)431 lines, Buy It Now = $216